1. I'm working on a plan right now.
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2. It's going to be perfect.
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3. Nobody's going to get caught.
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4. It's going to be smooth.
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5. My god Bubbles, the size of this
thing.
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6. Oh I know Ricky, look at it.
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7. You know though, I've gone over
it top to bottom like a bunch
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8. of times and I can't find any
illegal parts on this thing.
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9. You know what I think is going
on?
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10. Sebastian Bach is Mr. Jealousy
Pants.
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11. He's jealous of Patrick Swayzie.
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12. He made all that shit up.
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13. How is Axel doing? Right on.
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14. Rob Thomas? Well eleven bucks,
you can't go wrong man.
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15. Look at the speed it's got.
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16. Fucking cool!
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17. The personal train of Patrick
Swayzie.
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18. De-ee-ecent!
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19. Can't talk to you on the phone
about it okay.
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20. I don't condone crime you know
that
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21. but thank you for stealing this
train for me.
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22. Bubbles? You stole the train
man.
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23. We had nothing to do with it.
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24. Ricky, you cannot tell anybody
that we have that train.
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25. Promise me.
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26. Sure man, yeah.
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27. I promise. Whatever.
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28. Got a great fucking idea though.
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29. I'm gonna sit over there, you
stay here.
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30. Get the fucking bong, put it in
one of the cars right here
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31. and we can ship bong tokes back
and forth to each other.
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32. Decent.
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33. I think I just figured it out.
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34. I can get the dope to you.
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35. Yeah, no problem.
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36. I'm telling you Bubbles.
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37. Smoking dope, playing with model
trains is a good fucking time
man.
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38. What are you doing anyway?
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39. Nothing Dad.
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40. Well, what's with all the dye
and the beard
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41. and the weights and, you look
like,
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42. what are you trying to look
like?
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43. Nothing Dad, just leave me
alone.
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44. Listen boy, while you're under
my roof, it's my rules.
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45. And burgers is all about them
rules.
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46. Burgers were good to me, they're
good to you.
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47. Dad, what are you talking about?
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48. Eleven bucks a gram boys, that's
what I'm talking about.
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49. That's what my dope's worth.
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50. I'm glad we waited.
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51. So when's whats-his-fucky,
Sebastian, coming to pick it up?
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52. Oh, he's not coming here Rick.
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53. What? What do you mean he's not
coming here?
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54. We're going to smuggle it to
him, into Maine.
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55. Think about it.
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56. At eleven bucks a gram, that's
almost five thousand bucks a
pound.
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57. We got a hundred pounds, do the
bath buddy.
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58. Cause we're set up, man.
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59. Fifty thousand dollars.
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60. No Ricky, that's five hundred
thousand dollars.
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61. So how the fuck are we going to
get it there?
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62. With this.
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63. We're going to run a track
through the woods, across the
border.
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64. and load the weed onto the
freight cars.
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65. It's going to be easy.
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66. Oh, I get it yeah.
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67. Using the train.
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68. Julian.
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69. Do you have any idea how much
track we'd have to lay
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70. to get a train like this into
the US undetected?
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71. Oh yeah, I know.
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72. It'd be a lot.
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73. Probably a world record Bubbs.
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74. But you'd be in charge of it
man.
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75. World record.
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76. That hadn't crossed my mind
Julian.
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77. Boys, who are we kidding, I
mean.
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78. No man, no train has ever done
anything like that.
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79. Swayzie Express is not powerful
enough to pull all that dope.
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80. Ricky, you don't have to try to
trick me.
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81. We are going to run this train
into the US, and make no mistake
about it.
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82. That world record will be mine.
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83. Beer, Bubbles?
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84. Oh, you read my mind, Ricky.
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85. Mr.
Check it out boys.
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86. My new office.
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87. It's a real good chance I'm
going to make Staff Sergeant.
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88. It's looking real good.
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89. How can I help you guys?
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90. We need to know how many forest
rangers are out there,
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91. where they're at, what they
drive, any kind of information
you can get us.
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92. Mr.
Step into the office boys.
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93. Look, if I'm going to be
promoted here, you're going to
have to chill out.
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94. I've been real good to you guys,
but we're going to have to put
an end to this shit.
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95. We're all friends.
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96. You helped my dad get his rig
license back and we took out
George and Ted for you.
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97. Jim.
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98. I know shit about you, you know
shit about me.
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99. That makes us shit brothers.
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100. Come on, we're shit brothers.
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101. Don't forget, you signed a peace
treaty with us Mr. Lahey.
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102. Mr.
What's going down here?
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103. Listen, the less you know, the
better okay.
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104. That's all we can tell you.
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105. Yeah Lahey, just get us our
fucking topa, toper, grack,
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106. fucking land papers Jim, just
get us the fucking land papers
a.s.a.t.
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107. Put them in the mailbox.
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108. Don't be a fuckhead.
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109. Thanks Jim.
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110. I know just where to find these
dicks.
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111. Fuck, is that who I fucking
think it is?
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112. Oh my god, that's Jacob Collins.
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113. Julian, he's rocking your look
hard.
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114. What the fuck is he wearing?
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115. He's got a back T-shirt, a black
goatee,
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116. and he's rocking a goofy little
drink.
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117. Did he dye his fucking hair?
He did!
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118. He looks like you Julian.
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119. Without any muscles.
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120. Look at the drink, Ricky.
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121. It's one of those old mustard
glasses, with the diamond and
clubs on it.
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122. Bubbs, lay off Jacob alright.
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123. Holy fuck, look who he's talking
too.
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124. Isn't that meat store dicks.
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125. Fuck, remember how stupid those
guys were?
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126. They'd be perfect jail cover.
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127. Well, I'll tell you right now,
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128. we're not going to find any
people dumber than those guys.
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129. They are dumb.
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130. My goodness.
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131. Let's get them.
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132. A mustard glass.
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133. Hey guys.
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134. Hey Julian.
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135. Hey Jacob.
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136. Changed the look a little bit
have you Jacob?
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137. Lower your fucking drink in
front of Julian, respect.
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138. Chaining too Jacob? What are
you rocking there?
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139. Is that a mustard glass?
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140. Yeah.
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141. That's hard core.
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142. Jacob, you want to hang out with
us today.
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143. Oh yeah, totally.
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144. Julian, get the other two
dummies too.
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145. We're going to need them
alright?
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146. You and your two friends.
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147. Yeah, okay. Yeah.
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148. Come here for a second.
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149. Are you in charge of those guys?
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150. Um, yeah, yeah.
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151. Those are my boys.
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152. Alright then, take charge, get
them in the fucking car now.
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153. Okay. Hey boys, let's get in the
car.
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154. Let's fucking go.
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155. Are you fucking talking to me
Jacob?
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156. No, he's talking to the guys
Ricky.
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157. Oh.
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158. Well, you want to learn how to
do it?
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159. Hey, cock-a-doodle, fucking
Ketchup chips.
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160. Yo-yo dick, get in the fucking
car.
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161. Let's go, in the fucking car
now. The trunk.
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162. Alright, you sit in the back
seat. Let's go.
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163. You guys shut the fuck up.
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164. Let the big boys talk.
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165. You say anything, you're fucking
dead. Understand?
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166. What are you going to do to us?
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167. We're making you part of our
crew.
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168. Our team of friends.
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169. This is the big time now which
means you guys can hang out with
us.
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170. But right now, you're fucking
nothing.
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171. Out of the car, on the grass.
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172. Move it guys.
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173. We're not friends yet.
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174. You're nothing.
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175. And you're nothing until we say
you aren't nothing.
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176. And until then, I'm going to be
really, really fucking hard on
you guys.
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177. Especially you with your fucking
rooster bald headed little,
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178. I don't even know what the fuck
that is.
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179. Ricky!
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180. Don't talk to me like fucking
Lahey talks to Randy Julian.
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181. I'm serious.
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182. Ricky look, I know these guys
are fucked
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183. but maybe you should lighten up
on them.
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184. Remember what happened to Cory
and Trevor.
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185. What happened to Cory and
Trevor?
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186. Oh nothing.
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187. You guys will never, ever be a
Cory and Trevor, alright.
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188. Cory and Trevor meant the world
to me.
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189. Now I know how much you like the
Monte Carlo, so here.
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190. Take it for the weekend and have
a good time, alright.
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191. All expenses paid.
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192. Just top up the gas before you
give it back to me.
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193. I've got an exam next week.
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194. What the fuck are you getting
learned that's so important?
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195. Hotel/motel management.
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196. Motel/motel dumbagement.
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197. Give me the fucking drink.
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198. Rick.
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199. You're drinking fucking pop?
Pop?
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200. Don't worry about it.
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201. You can study along the way,
okay?
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202. Let's load up the car guys.
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203. Okay, here's the map.
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204. We got lots of food for you.
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205. Bubbles;
There's two bags of Shreddies
and
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206. three bags of licorice boys.
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207. That should do ya just fine.
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208. And this is where I want you to
drive to,
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209. to do a little recon. For me
okay, I mean us.
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210. Your friends, alright?
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211. What are you still doing here?
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212. Get the fuck over to Bubbles
shed for more instructions.
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213. Boys, get the fuck going.
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214. Alright fellows, listen up.
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215. I'm the engineer here.
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216. And I don't like to repeat
myself.
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217. Take this camera.
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218. You're going to record every
road,
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219. every bridge, every friggin
slope of the land.
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220. All the directions are in here.
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221. Pay particular attention to the
section on leveling the track.
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222. If the track's not on level
ground, you guys fucked up.
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223. What track?
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224. The fucking train track.
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225. That's what this test is all
about.
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226. To see if you guys are really
our friends or not.
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227. This is the track here Jacob.
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228. It snaps together like that.
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229. Make sure the copper connectors
are touching.
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230. Okay, that's easy.
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231. Ready to get behind the wheel of
a Monte Carlo?
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232. Okay, put it in park.
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233. Nice job man.
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234. Get out of the fucking car.
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235. You guys somehow manage to pull
this off,
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236. we're going to be friends, I
promise, alright.
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237. We even come to vocational
school, have lunch with you guys
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238. sometimes and take my car to the
final exam for all I give a
fuck.
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239. We're going to be friends guys
if you pull this off.
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240. It's off Exit 14.
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241. There'll be a gentleman named
Shitty Bill awaiting your
arrival.
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242. Jacob, come here.
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243. If the cops pull you over, we
don't know you.
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244. We know nothing about what's
going on.
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245. We'll have to say you stole the
car.
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246. If it comes down to that, blame
it on your dummies.
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247. Yeah, totally.
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248. Friends?
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249. Forever.
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250. See this?
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251. Get the fuck back here! Protect
Julian's car at all costs.
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252. Protect the train stuff.
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253. Then protect yourselves,
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254. once all the other stuff is
protected.
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255. Protect from what?
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256. You're going to a remote area.
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257. There might be bears.
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258. Might.
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259. Or, could be some weird shit we
don't even know about.
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260. Safety's off.
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261. You've got three days.
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262. Just don't forget.
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263. That car is my life, okay?
Three days boys.
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264. We can do this.
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265. Hey Phil, are those
cheeseburgers done yet?
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266. Randy, my son is missing.
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267. And all you can worry about is
drugs and fucking cheeseburgers?
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268. Come on, let's get the rest of
these posters out and up.
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269. Geez, Phil, you gotta stop
thinking about this.
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270. It's going to drive you crazy.
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271. Let's talk about something else,
like the restaurant.
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272. Let's talk about the Dirty
Burger.
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273. Jacob's going to be okay.
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274. Phil, you better relax!
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275. Shit, who's this guy in the sexy
jeans?
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276. Please Randy, this is my son
Thomas.
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277. This is your son? Wow.
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278. Tommy!
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279. Oh, I'm glad you're here.
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280. Oh, ho, ho, it's good to see
you.
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281. Dad, let me go.
Hey, hi how's it going
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282. Okay, so what's going on with
Jacob.
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283. I saw the posters up.
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284. What are the police doing about
it.
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285. We have to take this seriously.
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286. I called a cop by the name of
Jim Lahey and
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287. he hasn't gotten back to me yet.
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288. They haven't called back?
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289. They haven't gotten back to you?
The police haven't gotten back.
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290. What's going on here?
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291. I don't know what the fuck is
going on.
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292. I don't know son, but god-damn.
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293. My son is missing.
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294. Help me out here? What the
fuck?
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295. Calm down! Calm down right now.
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296. I want you to cool off.
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297. Cool off.
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298. Okay.
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299. Talk to me.
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300. Who, Jacob? You think Jacob is
into drugs?
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301. After all you taught us Dad?
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302. Jacob isn't messing around with
dope or dope dealers.
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303. I guarantee you Jacob is as high
as fuck right now,
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304. him and those two mutants and
they're fucking up our chance to
sell the dope.
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305. Just keep ripping the posters
down and shut up please Ricky.
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306. Come on.
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307. Did you guys ever think maybe
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308. that Jacob and those two twiggy
alien bastards
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309. might have got eaten by bears?
I mean,
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310. this could be Cory and Trevor
all over again boys.
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311. Somebody's going to go insane
off this, you watch.
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312. look at you fucking go.
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313. Him and those two fucking weird
looking dicks are probably just
partying somewhere.
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314. They stole your car man, they
fucked us.
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315. We just have to find out if
there's any police reports
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316. or missing persons reports.
We've got to talk to Lahey.
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317. What are you guys doing? What
are you?
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318. Who the fuck are you, and what
the fuck do you want?
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319. Nice clothes.
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320. This is my son Thomas Collins,
Jacob's brother.
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321. And Timmy or Tommy or whatever
the fuck his son's name is
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322. shows up here and he looks like
he's adopted, he doesn't look
anything like him,
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323. but he's clearly not. They're
both out of their fucking god-
damned minds.
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324. You guys know Jacob?
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325. Do you know where he is right
now?
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326. It wasn't us.
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327. It wasn't you guys.
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328. Those guys know where Jacob is.
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329. They're lying.
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330. What are you not telling us?
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331. What the fuck do you know about
this, you dirty prick.
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332. Hey, hey, hey.
Fuck off Phil.
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333. Phil Collins is fucking out of
his mind these days.
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334. I don't know what's going on
with him?
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335. My sons and the Dirty Burger is
all I got. Fuck them.
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336. What about you four-eyes?
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337. Holy fuck!
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338. Fucking, did you just call me
four-eyes?
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339. You big mustard tiger.
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340. All I did was call him a mustard
tiger.
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341. I mean, he had a big tiger and
he was all covered in mustard,
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342. and I thought it was, you know,
a pretty cute little name and
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343. all of the sudden he snaps and
starts smashing Ricky's car up
with a ladder.
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344. Will someone fucking help me
here?
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345. You big fucking weird looking
walrus fuck.
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346. Put the fucking ladder down.
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347. Calm down! Put the ladder down
Phil, that's not fair.
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348. Sorry I didn't tell you this,
but Jacob and his buddies
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349. went studying somewhere cause
you were going on about the god-
damned
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350. Dirty Burger so much, okay? You
were distracting him.
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351. He borrowed my car. He told me
not to tell you.
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352. Not tell the old man.
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353. Isn't that right there,
sweaty bobany.
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354. If you've done something, if
you've done something to Jacob,
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355. I'll find out and you'll regret
the day you ever messed with
Philadelphia Collins' sons.
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356. Got me?
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357. Fuck off!
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358. Philadelphia?
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359. Yeah, Philadelphia Collins.
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360. He looks like he ate
Philadelphia.
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361. Let me deal with this okay.
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362. He's studying. Everything's cool
Phil.
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363. We just gotta walk away.
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364. We've got to walk away.
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365. Let's go.
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366. Yeah, walk away.
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367. You're paying for the fucking
damage to that car too.
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368. You should pay me for doing a
job for you.
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369. Why don't you find Jacob?
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370. Get going, Lord of the onion
rings.
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371. Nice socks Randy.
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372. Big fucking surprise you're all
hanging out together.
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373. You're all fucked in the head.
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374. Fucking Jesus, scratches on my
fucking car.
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375. DJ:
We like to remind one and all,
five cent wings tonight.
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376. All night tonight, you can't go
wrong.
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377. Barb Lahey:
Oh, excellent, thank you very
much.
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378. Mr.
Hey B.
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379. Two more.
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380. Barb Lahey:
And one more.
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381. Mr.
Thank you.
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382. That's good.
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383. Get me some water.
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384. Barb Lahey:
Oh my god.
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385. Jim, it's Sam! I had no idea he
was singing here.
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386. Mr.
Greasy bastard.
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387. Barb Lahey:
Oh my god.
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388. Mr.
We can go somewhere else if you
like.
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389. Barb Lahey:
No actually, I like this song.
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390. Oh go, is he coming over?
Is he?
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391. Mr.
No.
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392. Just ignore him, he'll go away
Barb.
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393. Slow down a bit honey.
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394. Barb Lahey:
Well, that's not fast.
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395. Four.
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396. ♪ Pretty lady.
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397. Barb Lahey:
Hi Sam.
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398. Mr.
Sam.
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399. Just one second.
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400. He looks like one of those guys,
serial killer week on the TV.
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401. He looks crazy.
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402. Jim?
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403. Mr.
What are you boys doing here?
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404. You know Jacob right?
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405. Mr.
Has he shown up yet?
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406. We need you to block any missing
persons reports.
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407. This is important Jim.
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408. You gotta do this.
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409. Mr.
Julian, Phil keeps calling me
all the time about this.
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410. You're putting me in an awkward
position here.
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411. Hey, pay attention, we're
serious.
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412. Mr.
Oh shit.
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413. Oh fuck.
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414. Fuck!
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415. Barb Lahey:
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416. Mr.
Get your hands off her, cave
man.
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417. She just needs a little air Jim.
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418. Mr.
Sam, you stay away from Barb or
you'll feel the heat.
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419. Remember heat, quest for fire?
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420. Enough of the caveman comments.
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421. Are you starting shit here?
Outside Sam, let's go.
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422. Fuck! Watch the way you talk to
me.
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423. All of you.
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424. Bubbles;
Sam, check your beard.
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425. You got a big, big piece of
chicken in there.
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426. Mr.
Thanks Julian.
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427. I owe you one bud.
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428. Block the missing persons
reports.
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429. Mr.
You're almost home Barb.
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430. Barb Lahey:
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431. Mr.
Hey guys, give me a hand here
please.
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432. Come on Barb.
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433. Bed time.
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434. Mr. Lahey.
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435. Mr.
Yeah Bubbs?
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436. What would happen if Phil
Collins reported Jacob missing
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437. and said the last time he was
seen was in Julian's car?
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438. Mr.
There's no question Bubbs.
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439. You'd be investigated.
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440. I can't stop that.
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441. I can hold off the missing
persons report for another day,
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442. day and a half on the outside.
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443. Come on, let's go.
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444. Barb Lahey:
Oh Bubbles, I love you.
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445. Oh, I love you too Barb.
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446. Banged your noodle.
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447. Mr.
Take it easy guys.
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448. Come on Julian, give us a hand.
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449. Jim, Jim, You gotta help us out
on this okay?
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450. We can't get the police involved
now.
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451. We got too much crazy shit on
the go Jim.
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452. Barb Lahey:
Oh Julian, such big muscles.
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453. Mr.
Julian, come here bud.
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454. This is the kind of shit I'm
talking about.
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455. You gotta find those guys real
fast or I'm going
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456. to have to get involved in this
officially.
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457. And you're not going to like
that, are you Julian?
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458. Let's get out of here.
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459. Mr.
Thanks for your help, boys.
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460. Those little book nerds.
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461. Man, they ripped us off.
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462. They stole your fucking car
Julian.
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463. They probably sold that and
spent it on drugs
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464. or fucking fried chicken and
shit.
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465. We should go looking for them,
shouldn't we? Tomorrow?
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466. I mean, they could be lost or
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467. there's the distinct possibility
that they've been fucked by
bears.
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468. Fucked by bears?
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469. I'm starting to think something
went terribly wrong.
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470. That's what I'm saying.
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471. Maybe they got fucked by bears.
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472. No, something worse.
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473. What's worse than getting fucked
by bears!
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