1. Well, Ricky and Julian worked up
this plan with Sebastian BachCopy !req
2. you know where we load up the
train, model train with dopeCopy !req
3. and it chugs through the woods
there into the U.S.Copy !req
4. and Sebastian picks up the dope
once it arrives, he loads it
with cigarettes,Copy !req
5. sends it right back and, I mean,
it's pretty elaborate, but I
think it could work.Copy !req
6. Ricky and
Julian have pretty much
everythingCopy !req
7. riding on this one deal and if
you ask me, the whole plan is
fucked.Copy !req
8. Anything could go wrong. A deer
could kick that train off the
track.Copy !req
9. Somebody could call the
authorities.Copy !req
10. I don't even know how to deal
with Conky,Copy !req
11. I don't know what to do with
him.Copy !req
12. Right now I think, I think
Bubbles has totally lost his
mind andCopy !req
13. it's all because of this great
plan that I thought of. Great.Copy !req
14. That forest fire is getting a
lot fucking closer boys.Copy !req
15. Are you guys
going to accept the factCopy !req
16. that Skiddy Row must have fucked
you over.Copy !req
17. Fuck it!Copy !req
18. kissing soundCopy !req
19. Bubbles, would you put that
fucking puppet away please.Copy !req
20. Sorry Julian. Look cheer up, I
mean, that was a pretty good
plan.Copy !req
21. That plan could have worked.Copy !req
22. Actually I
think your plan was fuckedCopy !req
23. right off the bat Julian. Why
wouldn't you just take the alien
Trevor'sCopy !req
24. and put them on a horse or a
mule and cross the borderCopy !req
25. like a regular drug dealer, you
fucking idiotCopy !req
26. Conky, shut the fuck up.Copy !req
27. The train probably burnt up in
the forest fire.Copy !req
28. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bammmmmmmm!Copy !req
29. Jacob! Boys, the cigarettes!Copy !req
30. Fuck!Copy !req
31. Alright Shitty, back her up!Copy !req
32. Let's go boys. Unload the
freight cars. Get her moving.Copy !req
33. That fucking Sebastian. What a
great fucking guy man.Copy !req
34. Mr.
Great work Jacob.Copy !req
35. I just gotta rock a piss boys,
I'll be right back.Copy !req
36. Hurry the fuck up.Copy !req
37. Jacob, move it!Copy !req
38. Okay, I'll just be a second.Copy !req
39. Move it boys, move it, move it.Copy !req
40. Can you fucking believe this
man?Copy !req
41. Come on, move, move, move move.Copy !req
42. Let's get these fucking smokes
loaded. Come on, move.Copy !req
43. Alright Shitty, see you back at
the park buddy.Copy !req
44. And don't fucking this up.
Those them cigarettes in there
is our lifes.Copy !req
45. And for fucks sakes man, take a
shower, you look like a fucking
hobolo.Copy !req
46. Shitty Bill:Copy !req
47. Alright boys, so what the fuck
are you going to do with the
train?Copy !req
48. You know what boys. Fuck that
train, I don't want anything to
do with it.Copy !req
49. Let's just get out of here.Copy !req
50. Are you sure?Copy !req
51. Yes.Copy !req
52. Whoa, whoa. Shhh, shhh.Copy !req
53. What's that?Copy !req
54. Boys, that sounds like a motor
down by the river.Copy !req
55. What the fuck?Copy !req
56. Drunk prick,
who could he be referring toCopy !req
57. I wonder Julian. I hope it's
not some kind of fuckery.Copy !req
58. How are you going to dance
around this situation? Dirtily?Copy !req
59. Jacob! You guys check the
river. Ricky, in the car.Copy !req
60. Bubbles, consider that kiss your
final warning. You know what
you gotta do?Copy !req
61. You gotta kill him!Copy !req
62. Fuck off
Julian.Copy !req
63. Let's go!Copy !req
64. What the fuck? What the fuck's
going on with this thing.Copy !req
65. Come on Ricky! Try it again.Copy !req
66. I don't know what the fuck's
going on with it.Copy !req
67. Be really still.Copy !req
68. easy now, I know the forest
fire gets them upset...Copy !req
69. Alright, get out.Copy !req
70. Lahey and Randy!Copy !req
71. How the fuck did they get here?Copy !req
72. Fuckitty chomp in the fuck!Copy !req
73. Randy, what the fuck are you
doing here? How'd you find us?Copy !req
74. Mr.
Swayzie train is coming with us
gentlemen.Copy !req
75. Swayzie
train's coming with us
gentlemen.Copy !req
76. What the fuck are you doing
shooting at Shitty Bill, you
liquored up dummies?Copy !req
77. Look at ya. Too drunk to do
anything.Copy !req
78. Everyone knows how it goes down
with you and the liquor Jim.Copy !req
79. You can't pace yourself.Copy !req
80. Mr.
Maybe I had a few drinks.Copy !req
81. But maybe I know how all this is
going to go down Julian.Copy !req
82. Cause you're going to jail,
Richard. Even sexy guys go to
jail, Julian.Copy !req
83. Jim, Jim, Jim, are you sure you
haven't had too many drinks to
pull this off?Copy !req
84. Cause I'm willing to bet you
have. Fucking drunk.Copy !req
85. Mr.
Hey! Guys, I'm serious here.Copy !req
86. He's frigging serious.Copy !req
87. Mr.
Randy!Copy !req
88. Fuck off boys.Copy !req
89. Mr.
You guys are under arrest for
grand theft Swayzie train.Copy !req
90. You're under fuck off for grand
fucking offing.Copy !req
91. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
92. What the fuck! Oh, you went
too fucking far this time Lahey.Copy !req
93. You crossed the fucking line,
you shot Julian.Copy !req
94. Mr.
It wasn't me.Copy !req
95. Fuck. You okay?Copy !req
96. Would you help me out here
Ricky?Copy !req
97. Lahey fucking shot you.Copy !req
98. Fuck!Copy !req
99. Come on man, we gotta get the
fuck out of here. Fucking
idiots.Copy !req
100. Mr.
I'm sorry Julian.Copy !req
101. Fuck off Lahey!Copy !req
102. Mr.
It wasn't me Julian, it was the
liquor.Copy !req
103. Bubbles, Lahey and Randy shot
me. We gotta get out of here.Copy !req
104. How though man? The car won't
fucking start.Copy !req
105. Julian, the rangers are heading
this way. They're crossing the
river on their floaty thing.Copy !req
106. Why is this happening to us now?Copy !req
107. How could they
possibly find you out hereCopy !req
108. in the middle of nowhere Julian,
unless somebody told them?Copy !req
109. Did you fucking tell Lahey you
little stick bitch.Copy !req
110. No Ricky, I was with Conky the
whole time. He didn't do
anything.Copy !req
111. Yeah Ricky, I'm
not an impossibilist.Copy !req
112. What the fuck is that supposed
to mean?Copy !req
113. Think about it
Ricky.Copy !req
114. Fucking kissed me.Copy !req
115. Jacob told
Lahey. It's the only thing that
could've happened.Copy !req
116. No, wait, we're friends. I
wouldn't do anything like that.Copy !req
117. Why don't you
join us down at the car then
Jacob.Copy !req
118. Come on boys, there's something
I'd like to show you.Copy !req
119. Why don't you show them what you
put in his gas tank Twiddly
McGee.Copy !req
120. I would wager that your gas tank
has a delicious tasty flavour.Copy !req
121. It is delicious. Sugarish.Copy !req
122. Sugar!Copy !req
123. Why Jacob?Copy !req
124. No, I didn't, it wasn't.Copy !req
125. Take off your shirt.Copy !req
126. Why? I mean, no way. There's
bugs. It's cold.Copy !req
127. He's wearing a fucking wire.
Should I shoot him Julian?Copy !req
128. I can't believe this man.Copy !req
129. Mr.
Don't move. You are surrounded.Copy !req
130. There are many guns pointed at
you right now.Copy !req
131. What's going on up here boys?
We heard some gun shots.Copy !req
132. Thank fuck you're here.
Hillybillies chasing us big
time.Copy !req
133. They shot my friend there.Copy !req
134. One's got a big gut, no shirt
on. Fucking smells like
barbeque sauce.Copy !req
135. The other one is dressed as a
cop or something fucked up.Copy !req
136. They are fucking weird and
they're wasted.Copy !req
137. Forest Ranger:
You know, I thought I smelled
barbeque sauce, coming up here.Copy !req
138. Fuck off hillybillies.Copy !req
139. Forest Ranger:
Alright now boys. Just relax.
Just relax.Copy !req
140. There's no such thing as hill
billies up here in these woods.Copy !req
141. Forest Ranger:
You guys stay down. Amanda!Copy !req
142. Let's get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
143. Julian, let me explain.Copy !req
144. I'm taking this fucking thing,
right here.Copy !req
145. Bubbs, come on, get in.Copy !req
146. Sorry boys, there's no room.
We'll have to work out something
later.Copy !req
147. There's tons of room.Copy !req
148. Jacob, get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
149. Let's move it Rick, come on.Copy !req
150. Alright, I gotta figure this
fucking thing out.Copy !req
151. I'm really sorry guys.Copy !req
152. You let me down Jacob.Copy !req
153. Nice fuck up Jacob.Copy !req
154. Come on Ricky, faster.Copy !req
155. Please Julian. You can't leave
us here.Copy !req
156. I love you Julian!Copy !req
157. Just keep going the fuck
downstream.Copy !req
158. It's the fastest way out of here
Rick.Copy !req
159. It's pretty hard when you're a
fucking two or one a mile an
hour shit wheeler Julian.Copy !req
160. Mr.
Ahoy Shitliner. Shitliner's
finally come to port boysCopy !req
161. and guess who's here to tie her
up!Copy !req
162. What the fuck Lahey? Don't you
ever give up? Fuck off.Copy !req
163. Mr.
I feel just awful Randy about
shooting Julian, but we gotta
findCopy !req
164. that Swayzie Express and get the
fucking fifty thousand dollars
reward money.Copy !req
165. More important than that Randy,
I'd like to go out in a blaze of
gloryCopy !req
166. and make an arrest and then
people will know, Jim Lahey was
a good cop.Copy !req
167. Forest Ranger:
Watch those rocks here.
Watch that tree!Copy !req
168. Okay, I think they are out here.Copy !req
169. Wah hoo! Today's getaway has
been brought to you by theCopy !req
170. letter "F" for
"fucked in the head"Copy !req
171. Which you are Ricky!Copy !req
172. What the fuck is wrong
with this thing?Copy !req
173. Who the fuck is that?
Amerinicans!Copy !req
174. Hey! Shut that damn thing off.
Special Agent Ryan Chalkneck,
FBI.Copy !req
175. Which one of you guys is Conky?Copy !req
176. That would be
me. I guess you got my phone
messages.Copy !req
177. Phone messages?Copy !req
178. What are you talking about
Conky?Copy !req
179. I think you should cross over
now before things get out of
hand.Copy !req
180. You're all under arrest.Copy !req
181. Fucking sold us out didn't you!Copy !req
182. Ricky, calm down, we gotta
figure this out.Copy !req
183. Alright, this thing is going to
escalate guys.Copy !req
184. Let's lock it down. Okay, let
me see your hands guys.Copy !req
185. Let me see your hands.Copy !req
186. Mr.
Fuck off over there. This is my
arrest.Copy !req
187. You fuck off, this is Special
Agent Ryan Chalkneck, FBI.
Fuck you!Copy !req
188. Bubbles, you gotta lose the
puppet and put up your hands,Copy !req
189. they need to see both of them.Copy !req
190. I don't want Conky to get shot.Copy !req
191. Drop him, drop him.Copy !req
192. Fuck, there they are.Copy !req
193. Alright guys, get your hands up
now where we can see them.Copy !req
194. You there in the red, let me see
your right hand, son.Copy !req
195. Let me see your right hand.Copy !req
196. You're going to get yourself
shot.Copy !req
197. Put up your fucking hand. We're
going to get shot.Copy !req
198. Wouldn't want
me to make any sudden moves
Ricky?Copy !req
199. Like this. Ah, ah.Copy !req
200. Fire!Copy !req
201. Hold your fire. Hold your fire.
It's a puppet.Copy !req
202. Loch Ness Monster balls,
I've been shot!Copy !req
203. What the fuck was that?Copy !req
204. You just shot those guys?Copy !req
205. Help me Julian, I'm shot in the
leg.Copy !req
206. Jacob, you okay?Copy !req
207. Put pressure on the wound,
you'll be okay buddy.Copy !req
208. I love you bud.Copy !req
209. Stop fucking worrying about this
freak that's pretending he's
you.Copy !req
210. You gotta deal with Conky man,
or we're going to die here.Copy !req
211. Bubbles, you know what you have
to do with Conky.Copy !req
212. Okay? So snap out of it and do
it!Copy !req
213. Come on!Copy !req
214. You remember,
I'm calling the shots here
Bubbles.Copy !req
215. Googly eyed bastard.Copy !req
216. What the fuck did you call me?
You're going under Conky.Copy !req
217. That's right Bubbles, drowned
him, drowned him.Copy !req
218. Bubbles, we're
a team like Abott...Copy !req
219. Dirty dirty dancing...Copy !req
220. Jesus Fuckin...Copy !req
221. I'll fucking kill you.Copy !req
222. What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
223. He's gone. He's gone. What the
fuck am I doing boys?Copy !req
224. We surrender. We will not put
up a fight.Copy !req
225. Who in the fuck's in charge here
anyway?Copy !req
226. I'm in charge.Copy !req
227. Mr.
I'm in charge here!Copy !req
228. Actually, I'm in fucking charge.
Me.Copy !req
229. I'm the one in charge here not
you idiots or you idiots, me.Copy !req
230. Here's the deal. That's the US
with all the fucking fancy guys,Copy !req
231. DEA, ATF, whatever the fuck that
means, and FBI.Copy !req
232. This is Canada with drunkey the
clown and his little gut friend
andCopy !req
233. two alien Trevors and fucking
Jacob the twig alien and the
Forest Pricks.Copy !req
234. Forest Ranger:
They don't pick a side to go to,
we can't make an arrest.Copy !req
235. Alright, this is the middle of
the river, borderland.Copy !req
236. So basically we can pick who
busts us.Copy !req
237. Make up your minds. Come on,
we'll go easy on you over here.Copy !req
238. Mr.
We'll go easy on you over here
too Rick. No big deal.Copy !req
239. Bud, bring the boat back over to
Canada, bud.Copy !req
240. I don't trust you, you're wasted
out of your god-damned mind.Copy !req
241. What are you going to charge us
with?Copy !req
242. Mr.
No big charge Rick, just
internationally drug smuggler.Copy !req
243. Gotta have that Rick. I'll drop
all the other charges.Copy !req
244. There's no drugs and no tobacco.
It's gone, it's over.Copy !req
245. You missed it. You're stupid.
So go the fuck home.Copy !req
246. Go home? I've got twenty men
in back up, I'm on overtime,Copy !req
247. I've spent my budget for the
year. Helicopters.Copy !req
248. I'm in the middle of a fucking
forest fire.Copy !req
249. I'm going home, but someone's
going with me. Someone's gotta
go to jail.Copy !req
250. Jesus Christ. Well what the
fuck do you want to charge us
with?Copy !req
251. I'm only going to charge you
with stealing the Swayzie
Express.Copy !req
252. How much time do you get for
stealing the fucking whatever
that is?Copy !req
253. About five, six months, tops.Copy !req
254. Mr.
Listen, if there's no
international drug bust charges,Copy !req
255. I need the Trazie's Express Bus,
that way Randy and meCopy !req
256. get to split fifty grand and we
get to meet Patrick Swayze.Copy !req
257. Cause we're big fans of his
Ricky.Copy !req
258. How fucking drunk are you right
now?Copy !req
259. Mr.
Six out of ten.Copy !req
260. Oh fuck! What are you going to
give us for jail time Lahey?Copy !req
261. Mr.
Two, three months, max.Copy !req
262. What about the Forest Fuck
Dummies, what have you got for
us?Copy !req
263. Forest Rangers:
Endangering protected beavers,Copy !req
264. and we ain't willing to bargain
on that.Copy !req
265. What the fuck do you get for
cocking over beavers?Copy !req
266. You go to jail for that?Copy !req
267. Forest Ranger:
Five hundred dollars or thirty
days in jail.Copy !req
268. For stealing my Argo, you get it
back over here,Copy !req
269. we'll talk about not charging
you for that.Copy !req
270. Well, we didn't steal it, we
just fucking borrowed it.Copy !req
271. But alright, that's not too bad.
Just a second.Copy !req
272. Okay, we're going to talk this
out and figure it out.Copy !req
273. You guys can go for a piss or
have a couple of drinks in that
situation, whatever.Copy !req
274. Number one, I can't believe
someone's going to jail for
fucking beavers,Copy !req
275. but I may as well take that.
Dad's in jail in the US anyway,
I can see him.Copy !req
276. Give me the video tape. I can't
go to jail everywhere.Copy !req
277. Alright, we got this worked out.
We got a video tape right here
of who stole the Swayzie
Express.Copy !req
278. All three of them are over
there. Two of them are little
fuck goofs,Copy !req
279. one of them's a little alien
twiggy. We're going to leave
him over there,Copy !req
280. but we'll bring the fuck goofs
to you guys so you can takeCopy !req
281. somebody home with you, if
that's what you need.Copy !req
282. I'll go with the forest fuckies
and fucking deal with this
beaver shit.Copy !req
283. Are we cool here?Copy !req
284. Alright, come on you guys.Copy !req
285. I want some food, and I want to
make sure I can get some dope in
that jail,Copy !req
286. and I want to get drunk today.Copy !req
287. Well, there's been enough talk.
Let's see some action, come on.Copy !req
288. Fuck, I hate this thing!Copy !req
289. This is one of the nicest
fucking jails we've ever been
in.Copy !req
290. People here are really friendly.Copy !req
291. Oh, the food is fucking
fantastic.Copy !req
292. Me and Rick have been working on
some mutual goals together,
right bud?Copy !req
293. That's right. We got our GEDs
going.Copy !req
294. Cause the book learning tests
are way easier down hereCopy !req
295. than they are in Canada. I got
my fucking Grade 11.Copy !req
296. I got my fucking Grade 9.Copy !req
297. I'm going to be sad to leave
this place, but can't wait toCopy !req
298. get back to Sunnyvale. We got a
lot of money waiting for us back
there.Copy !req
299. No shit. What's for supper
tonight bud?Copy !req
300. Uh, fucking lobster bisque, king
crab legs, scallopsCopy !req
301. and strawberry shortcake for
dessert.Copy !req
302. Oh fuck, right on!Copy !req
303. Despite all the bull shit and
problems I went through lately,Copy !req
304. the deal actually worked.
Shitty Bill got back to the park
withCopy !req
305. all the cigarettes and I made
four hundred and eighty thousand
dollars.Copy !req
306. I'm retired now. I can't
believe it. I actually made
something of myself.Copy !req
307. Mr.
I realize now Ran and myself
don't need to go to Mexico.Copy !req
308. This is our Mexico. I resigned
from the force. It was too
much.Copy !req
309. I was meant to be a drunk
trailer park supervisor.Copy !req
310. It's what I was born to do.Copy !req
311. I never saw it coming. Jacob
and I totally fell in love.Copy !req
312. I think he's the best looking
guy I've ever seen.Copy !req
313. I don't really like the whole
Julian thing, but you know,Copy !req
314. I'm slowly working on it. We'd
have to move into his dad's RVCopy !req
315. for a while but I'm considering
living with him and Phil CollinsCopy !req
316. until we can afford our own
place.Copy !req
317. J Roc:
Well me and T got out of the
joint, it was a bit weird you
know what I'm saying,Copy !req
318. with Randy and Lahey for a
while, you know what I'm saying.Copy !req
319. But now we aight with them and
me and T realize it's time to
grow upCopy !req
320. and get some family shit going.
Family life's kind of tight.
Saying.Copy !req
321. I might even get back into the
rap game one of these days.Copy !req
322. Fatherhood has changed me big
time.Copy !req
323. It's helped me figure out a few
things. Become more
responsible.Copy !req
324. I know what I want in life now.
All I really want to doCopy !req
325. is get high and mow lawns in the
trailer park. And that's okay.Copy !req
326. I think having this baby with
Bo-bandy will in a weird way
will,Copy !req
327. in a weird way, give Ricky sort
of a second chance at parentingCopy !req
328. and sort of getting himself
together and if Ban's cool with
itCopy !req
329. and Rick's cool with it, it's
going to be really cool, I
think.Copy !req
330. Yeah, I think things worked out
for the best really.Copy !req
331. I miss the road, but I just
don't think that this was the
right timeCopy !req
332. that I was on it so, no I've got
a new grandson now,Copy !req
333. and uh, well it's Randy's but
it's mine really.Copy !req
334. No, I'm just basically drinking
and having a good time.Copy !req
335. That's the way she goes. That's
the way she fucking goes.Copy !req
336. I've been feeling like a million
bucks lately.Copy !req
337. I decided to go see and
therapist and he told me it was
perfectly normalCopy !req
338. to get that stressed out hanging
around people like RickyCopy !req
339. and Julian and Randy, crazy Mr.
Lahey. Conky was justCopy !req
340. some sort of defence mechanism
that my brain createdCopy !req
341. so that I wouldn't go right off
the deep end. So in a way,Copy !req
342. Conky pretty much saved my life.Copy !req
343. So these days I'm just rocking
with the boys and rocking with
my kitties.Copy !req
344. Well, me and the old man got out
of jail this timeCopy !req
345. and things were quite a bit
different. I mean, it was the
first timeCopy !req
346. I got out of jail where I was
fucking rich you know.Copy !req
347. It was good to have a bit of
money and I got my family back,Copy !req
348. Lucy, Trin, and the new baby
which is kind of Randy'sCopy !req
349. by birthing and stuff but it's
pretty much my baby I thinkCopy !req
350. and you know, now I've got the
money to supporting itCopy !req
351. and even though it's his by
birthing, I can be just as good
of a dadCopy !req
352. to it as if it was my own by it.
And after all that jail and
crazy shitCopy !req
353. that I've been through over the
years, I finally got my brainCopy !req
354. to be learnt that all that
really matters I guess is your
friends and family.Copy !req
355. That's all that matters to me
now.Copy !req
356. yeah, like a sausageCopy !req
357. Can I get you something from the
grill?Copy !req
358. Yeah, a burger with four
patties.Copy !req
359. Bottle kids.Copy !req
360. Don't worry it'll be over in a
secondCopy !req
361. Phil Collins:Copy !req
362. What in the fuck!Copy !req
363. So Randy, let me get this
straight, you want four patties
and one bun?Copy !req
364. I'll get you two doubles and
make it your self.Copy !req
365. Mr.
Drinks on the house everybody.Copy !req
366. Good job on the burgers there
Phil.Copy !req
367. Pour yourself a drink,
Philadelphia.Copy !req