1. Hey, Rand, I got the kayaks,
man. C'mon, let's go.
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2. Ssst! Phil, keep it down. C'mere.
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3. Listen, I can't leave.
I can't go kayaking today.
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4. Mr. Lahey, he's talking
about liquor and stuff.
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5. I just can't leave him alone right now.
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6. I've never kayaked, Phil.
I don't know anything about it.
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7. Oh, c'mon, I can show yo
u the basics here on the lawn.
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8. Nothing to it. C'mon, you and me.
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9. See, you're getting the hang of it.
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10. Yeah, it seems
like it'd be pretty easy, Phil.
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11. Randy, I gotta ask you something.
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12. What is it about Jimmy and the liquor?
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13. Well, Mr. Lahey loves liquor.
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14. Hasn't had a drink in a long time,
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15. but he's been talking lately
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16. about how much he likes the taste of it,
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17. getting drunk, the smell of it
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18. I'm just worried he's gonn
a fall off the wagon, Phil.
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19. You should get
some of those hypnosis tapes.
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20. They really work for a fella.
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21. Duck, Phil! Bottle kids! Ah!
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22. Jesus Christ!
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23. Stop throwing the friggin' bottles!
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24. Stop throwing them!
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25. Ow! Oh, my gut!
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26. How do you like them now, Hamburglar!
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27. I'm friggin telling!
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28. Everybody's saying
the trailer fire was my fault,
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29. , especially my old man,
which I guess it kind of was
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30. , and I do feel bad his traile
r burned down and everything
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31. but maybe if my dad
and fucking Julian and Bubbles
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32. weren't out getting lap dances
at a fucking strip club,
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33. getting drunk, the whole thing
could have been preventeded,
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34. for fuck sakes.
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35. Oh, well, you know,
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36. things aren't too bad,
all things considered.
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37. Sure, it could be better, but, uh
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38. , God takes care of the
little sparrows in the sky
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39. he's gonna take care
of the guy in the chair.
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40. That's what God's like.
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41. I have God to thank for everything.
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42. Hey, Dad. Hey, buddy.
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43. Cooking some bacon for ya, buddy.
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44. Smells good, buddy.
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45. U There's only three
piece s left, but I'll give it to yo
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46. as long as I can have the grease.
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47. You can have the grease. Cool.
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48. Bacon frying
and the sparrows chirping, Rick.
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49. It's all about the bacon
and the sparrows, buddy.
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50. What the fuck are you talking about?
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51. Talking about the sparrows
. Sparrows in the bible, buddy.
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52. You know, nothing to worry about.
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53. I'm not worried.
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54. My trailer's burned down.
The sparrows aren't worried.
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55. Nobody's worried.
Sparrows are stupid, Dad.
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56. They don't give a fuck about anything.
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57. Exactly my point, Rick.
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58. Maybe God forgives you
for burning down my trailer.
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59. That's the point I'm trying to make.
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60. Does old Goddyboy forgive you
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61. for getting lap dances and playing VLTs?
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62. What's your point, Rick?
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63. There's nothing wrong with VLT
s and getting drunk.
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64. You want some fucking baco n or not?
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65. Yes, Rick, I do.
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66. Rick, there's another point.
We should be thankful
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67. for the bacon we're having this morning,
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68. 'cause where do you think
the bacon came from, Rick?
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69. From a cow.
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70. 'Morning, Ray.
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71. Julian.
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72. Couldn't get a splash of rum
off you, could I?
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73. No, I don't think so, buddy.
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74. Give him a fucking break, Julian.
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75. Don't you think
we put him through enough?
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76. Look at this fucking place. We?
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77. What are you talking about, we?
Oh, you're innocent now?
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78. Yes, can I order pancakes, please?
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79. With syrup, and butter,
bacon hash browns
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80. toasts with butter.
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81. Ah, fuck.
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82. That was gonna be delicious.
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83. Hey, Bubs. Hey, Ricky.
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84. Holy fuck, that bacon smells good.
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85. Is there any extra?
Only a few pieces Bub.
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86. I gave it to, uh, gave it to the old man.
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87. I'm doing bread heels in grease.
It's pretty good.
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88. You want half? Of an old bread heel?
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89. Yeah, just dip it in bacon grease.
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90. It's fucking awesome.
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91. You do it too. Yeah.
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92. You're not tricking me, are you?
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93. It's kind of fucking dry, Ricky.
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94. Have you anything to drink.
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95. There's a little bit lef t in that.
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96. You still pissed off?
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97. Well kind of.
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98. Yup, giving up liquor
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99. was the hardest thing
I ever had to do in my life.
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100. But the clarity that I feel right now
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101. makes it all worthwhile.
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102. I can honestly say
I will never drink again.
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103. Ever.
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104. I can't believe Trinity'
s throwing bottles, Mr. Lahey.
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105. Shit apple.
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106. Time for your meds, buddy. Take two.
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107. I'm not taking those anymore
, RanRanBoBandy.
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108. I don't need 'em. They make me sleepy.
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109. Well, you gotta take them, Mr. Lahey.
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110. You don't wanna get back
on the rye again.
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111. Remember what that was like?
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112. Well, it's a little bit stressful.
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113. I mean, Mr. Lahey's
been doing really good.
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114. Uh, he hasn't had a drink
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115. since the day he tried to kill Ricky,
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116. and he had about 49 drinks that day.
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117. But lately, you know,
he's been talking about liquor
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118. and calling me BoBandy,
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119. which he normally only doe
s when he's drunk.
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120. So just the thought of him drinking again,
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121. it scares the shit out of me.
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122. Ah, Bubbles, push it. Come on, Ray.
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123. You don't use your arms
anymore, either?
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124. Well, you're pushing me there, buddy.
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125. That's good, that's good. Dad!
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126. Dad, I wanna borrow the car!
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127. Where's the clearing stick.
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128. Just on the hood there, sweetie.
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129. You have to give it lots of gas, alright?
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130. It's still stalling quite a bit. Thanks.
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131. Isn't that precious?
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132. Ricky. Rick, Rick, Rick.
What is your problem, man?
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133. She's just a kid.
Don't let her drive the car.
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134. She's driving it around the park.
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135. It's none of your business, is it, Julian?
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136. It's not a big deal. My mu
m used to let me drive the mower
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137. and the car around the par
k before I was seven.
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138. Yeah, and your mum's
fucked in the head, Rick.
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139. Hey! You watch
what you say about Tammy.
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140. Oh, you just think
you're so big, don't you?
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141. You and your precious books, Julian.
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142. What's wrong
with reading books Ray? Huh?
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143. I'm bettering myself here.
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144. You should probably
do the same thing, Rick.
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145. What are you talking about?
Stop it, would you?
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146. I'm out of here, boys. I'm out of here.
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147. Dad, don't worry about it. No, I'm going.
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148. I'm going, boys.
Thanks for the drink, Ray.
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149. Oh, you're welcome, Julian
. I was gonna give you a drink
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150. until you got all frickityfucky on us.
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151. You know what? Don't give him a drink.
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152. You know what?
I am gonna give you a drink.
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153. You know why?
'Cause the bible says share.
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154. Julian, the guy in the chair
shares even with guys
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155. he doesn't wanna be around.
Thanks, Ray.
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156. No, you're welcome, Julian
. Take it and enjoy.
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157. Don't leave the park, sweetie.
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158. Can't believe you took
my last dad's drink, Julian.
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159. You're fucked. Would you just fuck off?
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160. You fuck off. No, you fuck off.
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161. Why don't you suck my cock?
Why don't you suck it?
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162. Boys! Suck it first!
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163. Boys! Listen to yourselves
! You know what?
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164. You guys never used to say
fuck off and suck this and.
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165. Fuck. I don't care
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166. for any of this. I'm going home.
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167. And I'm having fun today.
Bubs, Bubs, Bubs.
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168. C'mon, man. C'mon. Julian!
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169. Let's have some fun today.
C'mon, buddy.
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170. Put me down! Get up here.
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171. Put me down!
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172. Listen, buddy. I fucked up
and I wanna make it up to you.
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173. So whatever you wanna do today
, we're gonna do it.
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174. Anything? Yeah, whatever you want.
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175. How about we get a badminton set?
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176. Remember how fun
badminton was in prison?
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177. To be honest, I fucking hate bagmington.
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178. I played it in jail 'cause now
you can't smoke in jail,
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179. which is fucked, and to ge
t your mind off smoking,
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180. you basically play sports.
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181. Let's go to the mall and get
a badminton set then, boys.
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182. Badminton!
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183. Trinity! What the hell
are you doing driving this car.
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184. Chill! Did your father tell you
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185. you could drive?
Trinity, stop the car right now!
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186. Trinity, I'm impounding this vehicle!
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187. Stop the car right now!
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188. It's okay, Mr. Lahey!
Randy, do you see that?
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189. Goddamn shit apple
driving a shit mobile.
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190. What kind of a father
lets his daughter do that?
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191. Nobody in this goddamn par
k gives a fuck!
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192. Why the hell should I?
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193. D Mr. Lahey, you know
you've been doing really goo
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194. with the quitting the drinking habit thing,
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195. but you been talking about I
tall the time lately,
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196. so you know what I think?
What do you think, Randy.
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197. Well, I just never, ever wan
t you to drink again, Mr. Lahey,
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198. so I got these really good hypnosis tapes.
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199. Randy, how many times
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200. do I have to goddamn tell yo u I'm sober?
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201. Who cares if I mention drink in
g once in a while, huh?
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202. I can't ignore an elephant
in a room, now can I?
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203. I used to drink, Randy.
Yes, I used to drink
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204. and I can't do anything about that.
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205. But I got the shit monkey
off my back for good.
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206. Well, I thought you just might
want to give them a try.
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207. Do I ask you to listen to Stop
Eating Cheeseburger tapes now?
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208. Do I? No, I don't. You know why?
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209. I don't fucking drink anymore,
end of story.
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210. I'm just trying to help.
Mr. Lahey. Whatever!
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211. Randy.
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212. Listen, boy, I'm sorry
I jumped on you like that.
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213. If it makes you feel any better,
I'll, uh, I'll give them a go.
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214. Well, it would. Let's go. Right now.
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215. I'll get it cued, Mr. Lahey.
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216. Come on, boys.
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217. There's gotta be a fucking paging system
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218. around here somewhere. A what?
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219. Paging system. Bingo.
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220. You wanna have some fun, buddy
? Check this out.
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221. Ah, Ricky, no, no, no, no, no.
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222. What are they gonna do, kick me out?
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223. Mr. Lahey and Randy
to the Fuck Off Department
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224. Mr. Lahey and Randy
to the Fuck Off Department.
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225. And hurry the fuck up. Thank you.
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226. Boys, let's just find a badminton set.
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227. Come on, Julian!
We're gonna get kicked out.
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228. Just let me do one more.
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229. Alright. Come on.
Holy fuck, boys, look at that!
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230. What is it? Holy fuck!
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231. What the fuck is it?
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232. That is a fully functional rocket kit.
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233. No way. That's what that is.
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234. I didn't know
they sold these around here.
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235. Julian, fuck the badminton set
. Let's get this baby.
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236. So will that go to the moo n and stuff?
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237. Bubs, Bubs, Bubs, it's 100 bucks, man.
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238. Where are we gonna get that?
Ah, for fuck sakes.
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239. Don't worry about it.
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240. I'll tell you, we're gonna
fucking get it right now.
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241. What's $99.99 plus the taxes stuff?
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242. Seventyfive? Seventy eight?
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243. No, Ricky, it's $114.98. Just a sec.
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244. What are you doing Rick? 14.98...
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245. Ricky? Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick. Rick!
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246. Look, this works every time, okay?
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247. You guys just meet me in the car
and I'll take care of it.
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248. Get Bubbles a fucking rocket.
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249. He said it, Julian.
Hurry up to the car, guys.
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250. (muffled voices and knocking.
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251. Julian?
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252. There's somebody in the trunk!
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253. What the fuck are you guys
doing in there?
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254. Dude, man, cleaning your car
and we kind of got locked in.
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255. You guys locked yourself
in there by accident
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256. when you were cleaning my car,
didn't ya?
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257. You got it. That's not smart, boys.
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258. Boys, boys, boys, mall cops! Mall cops!
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259. For fuck sakes, Ricky. What do you think
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260. you're doing with that?
Do you pay for that?
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261. Yeah. Give it to me.
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262. I bought that two weeks ago.
Where's the receipt?
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263. Let's go. We have to have a talk.
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264. We'll talk in your office. That's alright.
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265. I don't know these two guys right here,
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266. but I'm sure
they're pretty much responsible.
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267. Get those two in the back. Let's go.
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268. Bring them in here, let's go
. Have a seat, boys.
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269. I wanna press charges,
for the front door out there.
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270. It's dangerous and I could've been killed.
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271. You can press charges
when the cops get here.
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272. They're on their way.
We don't need to call them.
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273. You guys are smarter tha
n real cops. You're mall cops.
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274. Why do we need real cops?
Misunderstanding.
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275. I went out to the car with the rocket.
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276. These guys were supposed to pa
y for it. I gave them a cheque.
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277. It's probably in their pockets
. Just check 'em.
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278. Which guys? It's probably that guy
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279. with the Ronnie shirt on there.
Mordecai, Horatio,
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280. you wanna check their pockets,
see what they got?
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281. That's my gum, out of my car.
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282. That's my fucking comb!
What are you guys doing?
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283. You trying to rip me off to buy drugs?
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284. A There's the cheque right there
. I bet they were fucking gonn
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285. cash that in for drugs too, weren't you?
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286. It's for the amount of the rocket.
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287. Yeah, with tax. Made out to the store.
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288. I'm not gonna lie to you here.
I used to be a mall cop.
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289. That fakecheque trick
works every fucking time.
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290. Basically, you figure out
how much something costs,
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291. just fill in one of
the old man's cheques like this.
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292. That way if you get caught, just
say your buddy was gonna pay.
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293. Mall cops are really dumb
compared to real cops.
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294. And worst case Ontario, you get caught,
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295. you cancel the cheque.
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296. You never have to pay. It's awesome.
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297. Alright, listen, I guess
we got mixed up there.
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298. I'm sorry about that, boys
. You're free to go.
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299. You know, I apologize.
Well, nice to meet you.
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300. Alright. Take care.
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301. Actually, you guys are gonna stay here.
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302. No. Dude, man, do something.
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303. You shouldn't have tried
to fucking rip me off.
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304. You guys fucked up big time.
Listen, trust me, you fucked up.
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305. Thanks, Julian. Sit down, guys.
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306. Alright, I'm gonna have
to get some names here.
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307. Uh, I'm Corey Lahey.
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308. Um, Trevor Lahey.
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309. Are those your real names, boys?
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310. Yessir. Are they really?
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311. No. I'm Trevor
and he's Corey. We were lying.
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312. And deeper... Every nerve
every muscle is relaxing now.
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313. From the bottom of your feet
to the top of your head.
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314. How do you feel, Mr. Lahey.
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315. I feel great, Randy.
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316. I'm really impressed.
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317. The tape really does work!
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318. I don't feel like drinking at all!
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319. Randy what do you say, boy,
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320. we go outside and make Sunnyvale
a nice place to live again.
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321. What do you think? Sounds real good.
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322. I'm rolling a fucking huge
joint for this rocket launch.
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323. It's gonna be awesome. I can't wait
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324. to fucking get that thing going.
Get out of the way, idiots.
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325. What's he smiling about?
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326. Rick, grab me a couple of glasses, bud?
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327. Bubbles, you got any glasses?
Probably, Ricky, in the shed.
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328. Get that thing all ready to go, buddy.
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329. Holy fuck!
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330. What's it say, Ricky?
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331. It's basically
how we put it together, I guess.
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332. Be careful and stuff. Jesus, look at that!
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333. What's this?
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334. Holy fuck, a spacesuit. Wow.
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335. Ah! DECENT!
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336. No way! Fucking decnals, man
! Check those out!
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337. Boys, drink. Awesome!
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338. Well, let's make a toast, boys.
To a good fucking time today.
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339. This is a good time.
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340. I'm gonna go put my spacesuit on, boys.
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341. And then let's get this
dirty cocksucker in the air!
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342. Boys? Check her out!
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343. Ah, man, that is fucking cool.
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344. Nice decnals. I know.
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345. Look at my spacesuit, too.
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346. Can I put it on the launch pad
there, Commander?
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347. Alright! Bubbles, are you sure
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348. we gotta play Space here?
This is kind of silly.
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349. C'mon, Ricky! Look at this
! This is awesome!
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350. Mission control,
this is Commander Bubbles.
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351. I'm getting an MPS warning light
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352. on the link monitor control subsystem.
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353. I'm requesting
reallocation of main arm fire,
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354. through CDS at Level 6. Please advise.
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355. Copy that, Commander.
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356. Reallocating there, Commander Bubbles.
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357. Try some, Ricky.
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358. Breaker, Breaker, come in.
This is Rocket Ship 27.
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359. Aliens fucked over the
carbunator in engine four
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360. and I'm trying to refuckulate it
and land on Juniper.
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361. Hopefully you got
some space weed. Over.
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362. How's that, buddy? I don't fucking know.
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363. Ricky, that's not very good.
Use space words.
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364. Real ones. Not talking about space weed.
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365. These, uh, power rockets
are firing all over the place.
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366. They got lasers,
they're shooting and, uh..
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367. Bubbles, I can't fucking do this.
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368. My brain doesn't work with space talk.
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369. I hate playing Space.
Julian, make him do it right.
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370. Let me do the talking, Mr. Lahey.
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371. Alright, Randy.
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372. Hey, boys. We got a complaint
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373. that someone's
been getting high and drunk,
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374. playing Space in the middle of the street.
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375. Yeah, us. I'm fucking stoned right now.
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376. You got a problem with that?
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377. Listen, we don't wanna cause
any shit here, boys.
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378. As a matter of fact,
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379. I've been thinking about shi
t a lot less these days.
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380. Seeing as how I stepped in
so much over the last few years.
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381. I'm sick of shit, boys. Sick of shit.
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382. Is that right? Yeah.
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383. And I just wanna reiterate tha
t I quit drinking permanently.
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384. It's all part of my
plan to get along better
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385. with everyone in the park.
Including you, Rick.
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386. Booze free for weeks, boys
. It feels great.
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387. Ah, you quit drinking, have you, Jimmy?
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388. He comes down here today and, uh
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389. doing the old "I'm innocent" thing,
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390. "I'm a changed man"
kind of thing and, uh,
Copy !req
391. he came down here for one reason
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392. and that was to ruin the day for the boys.
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393. Do you guys wanna stay and watch?
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394. You wanna see a rocket go, Randy?
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395. Does it really launch?
Does it really launch?
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396. Does the Tin Man
have a sheet metal cock?
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397. Look at this thing!
Goes up about 2,000 feet,
Copy !req
398. nose cone blows off, chute comes out.
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399. It's fucking awesome!
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400. Remember when you helped
daddy steal a car battery?
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401. It's kinda like the same thing
. Just put this thing on here,
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402. this one on there.
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403. Jeez, I'm thirsty.
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404. Can I have a drink of wate
r from your bottle there, Jimmy?
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405. Leave Mr. Lahey alone, Ray
. Get your own water.
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406. No, I want some of Jimmy's water.
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407. That's the kind that gets
you fucking drunk,
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408. isn't that right, Jimmy?
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409. He walks around the park,
he's got the bottle of water.
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410. Everybody thinks it's water,
but it's vodka.
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411. Oldest trick in the book.
I think he learned that from me.
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412. I was doing that when I was,
you know, 20, 30 years ago.
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413. Trying to hide it from Tammy
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414. t Can you guys argue about
who's drunk and who's no
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415. away from my daughter? Please.
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416. Ray. Ray, you're nothing
but a drunk faking a disability,
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417. 'cause you got nothing better to
do than to bother decent people,
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418. 'cause your own life's
a big pile of burning shit.
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419. Is that right? Randy, why not ask Jim
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420. where he's been the past few nights
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421. between 3 and 5 and 9 to 11:15.
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422. Go ahead, ask him where he goes.
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423. He's playing bridge
down at the hospital, Ray.
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424. , Bridge, my arse. He's
going to the strip club
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425. getting drunk every night
telling everybody
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426. he's off the booze.
You know why, Randy?
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427. Jim Lahey's a fucking
drunk and he always will be.
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428. Okay, boys, here we go.
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429. Blast shields down. The engine is a go!
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430. Give me a drink. Randy, let it go, Randy.
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431. It's vodka 131proof, straight up.
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432. I'm fucking wasted.
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433. Jesus! Fuck, did you see that, Ricky?
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434. Julian?! Bubs, that was amazing!
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435. My God.
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436. Randy, where are you going.
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437. Downtown for a cheeseburger,
Mr. Lahey.
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438. Congratulations Julian.
You were right all the time.
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439. I was drunk in the mental hospital
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440. and I've been drunk ever since.
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441. This can either end
one of two ways, boys.
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442. Either you, you and you,
who are all drunk,
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443. are going to jail, or I am going back
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444. to the mental hospital.
P.S. I'm not going back there.
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445. There it is! There's the rocket!
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446. You just opened Pandora's shit box, Ray.
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447. Fuck, Lahey! Omigod!
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448. What are you doing?!
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449. Oh, fuck!
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450. It's crushed!
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451. Sonofabitch.
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452. Hey, Randy. Listen,
I really did give up liquor.
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453. Honest. No, you didn't, Mr. Lahey.
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454. Why wouldn't you just tell me?
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455. Shit snares, Randy. Shit snares.
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456. All this time, trying to sto
p the boys from breaking the law
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457. when I should've been encouraging it.
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458. The liquor makes me
see it clearly, Randy.
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459. Julian's the leader. All he needs to do
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460. is be pointed in a direction
, he'll go there.
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461. He'll go right into my shit snare, Randy.
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462. Listen, liquor makes me
see it clear, Rand,
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463. and I didn't want you to blow my cover.
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464. I'm sorry if I let you down.
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465. You didn't let me down, Mr. Lahey.
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466. Is this some kind of test? No.
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467. I hate those guys, Mr. Lahey
. Let's fucking get 'em. Here.
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