Trailer Park Boys 3x4

1. - We're saving up some - squirreling right now

2. to shoot a video, you know what I'm saying?

3. So we're gonna shoot it on this little mo-fucker right here;

4. there's a button that's talking about negative art,

5. which, uh, creatively, you know what I mean,

6. is kind of a comment on where we're at,

7. you know what I'm saying?

8. Like, reversing the black and white,

9. who's black and who's white and we're saying,

10. you know what I'm saying, in society,

11. you know what's up, the shit don't even matter,

12. you know what I'm saying, at the end of the day, right.

13. Aight, where's that sepia shit at,

14. 'cause that looks dope as fuck.

15. Where's it at?

16. Peace, aight that looks dope.

17. Aight ladies, you know what I'm saying,

18. hold that weed, right, take this gun right here,

19. you know what I'm saying?

20. This just in...

21. Three sucker mcs were knocked out.

22. Assassin, beats blastin' brinks trucks, bring the scrilla

23. from the checks I've been cashing.

24. Bashing mas who ain't down with my shit.

25. Ow, count even count hos that I've been with.

26. The rhymes and the mic are like a corporate merger

27. they go together like Randy's gut and a cheeseburger.

28. He rhymes gangster rap because, you know,

29. we live in the park man, it's real gangster out here.

30. You know what I mean, gotta keep it gangster,

31. gotta keep it real straight up.

32. Rapping about real life things we go through.

33. Fucking right.

34. And everything we go through is gangster.

35. So, gotta keep it gangster.

36. The day j-roc loses his flow is the day

37. the hair on Jim lahey's bald head grow

38. in escrow my rhymes are being kept.

39. I've been kicking it while other motherfuckers slept.

40. I'm the microphone assassin.

41. I'm the microphone assassin, beats blasting.

42. Me and Julian are never going back to jail again

43. and one of the ways we're going to do that

44. is we're gonna do like some small time,

45. semi-legal stuff that—it is illegal,

46. but not really illegal, you know what I mean.

47. Smart stuff, Ricky, that's why selling cds,

48. it's so perfect, I mean, cops,

49. they can't be bothered with that shit.

50. So we make our money back

51. and it's good for j-roc.

52. That's the first cd out for sunnyvale trailer park,

53. you know what I'm sayin'?

54. 'Cept for that whack bullshit

55. Cory and Trevor released on cassette,

56. but they was frontin', you know what I'm sayin'?

57. J-roc raps about gangsters and guns,

58. pimps and hos, and Compton.

59. Guy's not from Compton,

60. he's a white kid from a trailer park.

61. Man, I ain't changed since I started selling records,

62. know what I'm saying?

63. I'm keeping it the fuck real, yo.

64. He should rap about what he knows,

65. like living in his mom's trailer,

66. eating peanut butter sandwiches,

67. you know what I'm saying?

68. Jamie, how many 29-year-old record company presidents

69. operate out of their mom's trailer?

70. You know I'm saying?

71. Believe it or not, some people think

72. I'm going make it in this rap game.

73. You know what I'm saying, saying.

74. J-roc keeps going on

75. about this record company he started

76. but really all he did

77. was take a bunch of famous rap songs

78. and mixed on some of his four-track stuff there,

79. now he put this out.

80. J-roc and friends.

81. It's a bit fucked if you ask me

82. because half these rappers, I'm sure,

83. don't know they're on here.

84. That's called pirating.

85. First of all, we didn't Jack no tunes,

86. know what I'm saying me and t call it

87. cross promotion right, 'cause, uh,

88. putting Dr. dre, and snoop dog, and all my boys,

89. Detroit velvet smooth from moncton, right,

90. on the joint, you know what I'm saying?

91. We're promoting the motherfuckers;

92. I'll call them up soon and say we done this,

93. and say if they want to put a j-roc joint

94. on they disk, I ain't give a fuck.

95. Julian invested my fucking money in it,

96. so I guess I gotta roll with it

97. 'cause I trust Julian.

98. Julian has a plan and usually it makes a lot of sense

99. off the top and sometimes when I make a plan

100. people say it's not as clear as his or whatever,

101. but that's cool.

102. And a flea market's a good way to make money.

103. Me and the old man made eleven hundred bucks

104. one weekend selling CBS,

105. everybody loves a good flea market, so fuck it.

106. I think it's a good idea.

107. I fucking love the flea market.

108. It's the best time ever.

109. I like to do silly little things

110. for people, make them laugh.

111. I usually put this little guy in here.

112. Fits right in there

113. or here's what I do, put a price tag on him.

114. Forty grand.

115. Nobody's gonna pay forty grand for him.

116. I hope to fuck they're not anyway.

117. Ricky, Julian, come here.

118. - What's the problem, - bubbles?

119. There's no problem.

120. Seventy-eight cds already.

121. Look at all the money we made.

122. Fuck, right on.

123. That's awesome. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.

124. You gotta keep spending money to make money

125. we've been through this a thousand times.

126. Think about it.

127. I just don't understand invest-iments.

128. I told you that.

129. Ricky, remember I told you

130. about thinking about each word before you say it.

131. One of those words isn't real.

132. - Bubbles, I try that - but you get other words

133. showing up from other departments, and...

134. Not departments, but you get other things

135. coming at you.

136. Going around, here fuck sakes.

137. I can't fucking explain myself

138. but you know what I mean, okay?

139. - I dunno, Julian. - I don't like the sound of this.

140. - What are you - talking about?

141. We made all this money from these cds.

142. Check it out.

143. You guys want your cut?

144. Yeah.

145. - Ricky? - I want my cut, yeah.

146. Or, do you guys want to take this

147. to the next level?

148. Well, what's the next level?

149. A rap concert.

150. Oh, my god.

151. We take this money and invest it

152. in a rap concert today.

153. We can probably double or triple this.

154. - How are you going - to get people here so fast?

155. Easy.

156. Free liquor.

157. Dad, I don't know.

158. This stuff tastes pretty fucking strong

159. I'm getting drunk off one glass here.

160. Ricky, you're supposed to wait

161. till it's diluted at least 50/50

162. before you start drinking it, bud, you know that.

163. Hopefully it'll be alright.

164. - That's not - my lunch pepperoni

165. you're eating there, is it?

166. No, it's my pepperoni dad.

167. - Okay wait. - Just a sec.

168. Clear.

169. Listen, Rick, I don't want to get into any trouble

170. over this, you know that, right?

171. Oh yeah, dad.

172. You've cleared this with lahey, right?

173. Oh yeah, lahey is totally cool with it.

174. No way, Julian.

175. No concerts in the park.

176. Final answer.

177. Final answer, Julian.

178. Fuck off Randy.

179. Jim, look, it' gonna be a simple little set up.

180. We're not going to bother anybody, come on.

181. - Nineteen millimeter, - Randy.

182. Don't be an asshole.

183. Julian, you can call me an asshole,

184. but listen carefully.

185. You can do anything you want on property you own,

186. but since you only lease property here in sunnyvale,

187. you can't do shit.

188. Alright, Jim, thanks for your time.

189. Now that I understand the rules,

190. have a nice day, boys.

191. Fucking lahey's not shutting this concert down.

192. I don't give a fuck! That's what I'm trying to tell you.

193. Yo!

194. Yo!

195. Wait!

196. Julian, you have to hook us up

197. with this rap show, dude.

198. You have to. You know what I'm saying.

199. We have the stuff man, come on.

200. You have the stuff, we have the stuff.

201. All our material is new, man, it'll be dope.

202. We should be in the show. We should be.

203. We've been rocking the park for a long time.

204. Show me some love, g.

205. Boys, did we tell you

206. to stop and talk to us right now?

207. No, we didn't.

208. So get the fuck out of here.

209. Hi, Linda.

210. Hi, guys.

211. How are you doing?

212. Not too bad.

213. - Listen, - can we talk to j-roc

214. for one minute?

215. Yeah, he's in his room

216. if you can stand the noise.

217. I made some pound cake.

218. Do you want some, bubbles?

219. Yes, please.

220. Put some butter on to it.

221. Jamie?

222. Jamie, your friends are here.

223. Jamie?

224. Turn down that damn music.

225. You can't hear a thing.

226. Come on, Jamie!

227. Mom.

228. What the fuck!

229. Turn that shit off, mo-fucker.

230. I was getting changed, you know what I'm saying.

231. I don't want that shit on TV

232. I don't want mo-fuckers seeing me getting changed.

233. Turn that thing off.

234. He's pulling his hose.

235. What the fuck were you doing j-roc?

236. - I was getting changed - motherfucker.

237. - Changed my ass, - you were fucking cranking it.

238. You non-knocking mother-fuckers.

239. That was fucked! That was a bit fucked.

240. - It wasn't that fucked. - You know what I'm sayin'?

241. I was getting changed. What's goin' on?

242. - Listen man, - I got some good news for ya.

243. Get cleaned up, meet me back at the flea market.

244. Aight.

245. Peace, bub.

246. Don't touch me.

247. You mo-fuckers ain't going to tell nobody

248. I was getting changed, right? No, Christ no.

249. Well, when it first happened, it was kind of funny,

250. but the more I thought about it,

251. nobody likes to get caught with their bird out

252. like j-roc did.

253. Okay, Cory and Trevor busted in here this morning

254. and they were all like "j-roc got caught masturbating".

255. Like, for one, like we care,

256. and for two, like what the fuck were they doing

257. looking in his window?

258. We were following j-roc and them,

259. it's kind of stupid that we were following them,

260. but we were really desperate to get in on the show,

261. so we just kind of peeked in the window.

262. And we were shocked, man, like we were speechless.

263. So they're telling everybody.

264. We asked them not to, 'cause we think

265. it's gonna fuck the whole concert thing...

266. I think they're embarrassed

267. by how much they're in love with him,

268. 'cause they're dissing him and stuff,

269. but they know everywhere he is, everything.

270. Yeah, I don't know why they follow him around

271. half the time and then try and make him look stupid

272. the other half the time.

273. It's not very nice.

274. It's disrespectful.

275. They're dickheads.

276. What?

277. Do I look like I got some candy?

278. No, why y'all up my eyes for then?

279. What's up?

280. Thanks for buying my record.

281. Fuck!

282. Julian, all the motherfuckers

283. in this park know, motherfuck!

284. Come on man, nobody knows. It's totally cool, j-roc,

285. we didn't say a fucking thing.

286. Check this out, man.

287. You are going to headline a rap concert today.

288. I got a pa system, sound tech, stage being built.

289. Whole nine yards man.

290. Fuck, promote my rap record finally, where at?

291. It's going to be on the roof of your mom's trailer, man,

292. I'm building a stage right now.

293. It's gonna be awesome.

294. Sounds whack.

295. Yo, man.

296. I heard you got caught masturbating,

297. man, what the fuck!

298. T man, Cory and Trevor be flying the shit.

299. Shut the fuck up, motherfucker.

300. Fucking played myself, aight.

301. Fuck, my rap career is fucked.

302. First of all, what motherfuckers

303. don't understand about j to the r o c

304. is that I'm into like method rap,

305. know what I'm saying?

306. So if I'm writing about crime,

307. you know what I'm saying,

308. I've gotta do crimes,

309. you know what I'm sayin',

310. to get in that head space.

311. So I was writing some vibes,

312. some rhymes of like a sexual nature, right?

313. It's a bad situation because his fans

314. find out about this it's gonna hurt him.

315. And getting caught masturbating sucks!

316. I got caught masturbating in jail seven or eight times

317. and it really sucks.

318. I was just getting myself in the sex vibe,

319. and some motherfuckers bust in

320. and misinterpret that right

321. thinking I was yanking my shit

322. but that ain't even true.

323. I was just straight up writing some shit

324. from a— of a sexual place,

325. of a sexual nature, right.

326. That's one of the rhymes right there;

327. couldn't of written that unless I had my shit out,

328. and some hand cream.

329. Mother fuckers are making fun of me all over this place.

330. J-roc, I've been at the flea market all day selling j-roc cds.

331. We sold a fucking ton of those things.

332. We've been selling j-roc cds because you are a rap star, man.

333. Believe in it, come on.

334. Some of my joints are pretty tight though.

335. - Damn right - they're tight.

336. Seriously.

337. You know what I'm saying?

338. It hurts when motherfuckers make fun though.

339. You know what I'm saying.

340. We've got an elevated stage, pa system, man.

341. I've got everything figured out.

342. Oh, my fuck, Julian. This shit's for me?

343. Thanks, boy, I'm gonna throw this shit down tonight.

344. Hardcore, you know what I'm sayin'?

345. - Captain arsehole - and wonder boy are here.

346. - Don't fucking worry - about lahey.

347. He can't do a thing.

348. Julian, what the hell is this shit?

349. - We're not breaking - any rules here, Jim.

350. The concert's taking place on j-roc's property.

351. So I guess you two can fuck off.

352. Julian, I told you I didn't want any shit in sunnyvale.

353. You idiots loaded up a hair trigger,

354. double-barrel shit machine gun

355. and the barrel is pointed straight at your own heads.

356. So, like the barrel of the gun is bent backwards.

357. Let's go Randy.

358. If these boys want to play hardball,

359. we can play hardball, too.

360. You guys are fucked, you know that.

361. Get the fuck in your car and get the fuck out of here

362. you keep your hands off him, Ricky.

363. Ricky!

364. In you go, fatty!

365. The day of reckoning is at hand, boy!

366. Later, boys!

367. Reverse, dumb-ass.

368. You guys are so fucking stupid

369. nice get-away, lahey!

370. - There ain't - that much room

371. on my mamma's lawn, you know what I'm saying,

372. 'cause we gotta keep the shit on my mamma's lawn,

373. 'cause legal, right, and lahey, all that shit.

374. That bald-headed, Kermit the frog looking motherfucker.

375. I told them.

376. I said no concert definitively,

377. didn't I?

378. No concert in the park.

379. I even said "no concert"

380. right after you said no concert.

381. I warned him.

382. Yeah, I just thought you'd like to know

383. that this guy's pirating your music

384. and he's making thousands of dollars off it

385. by selling it as his own.

386. Yeah, he is.

387. Well, actually he's performing a concert

388. this afternoon right here

389. in sunnyvale trailer park.

390. That's about a three hour drive from moncton.

391. Good, good.

392. Well, peace right back at ya.

393. Who's fucking with the mic?

394. Alright, test, test.

395. Oh yeah.

396. Alright, everybody.

397. Come on in to the rap show.

398. Come in and find a spot.

399. Relax.

400. You're in for the freestyle event of the century.

401. There's gonna be some crazy mcing

402. going on here in a minute.

403. Bubbles, tell these people we gotta stay

404. on this property here.

405. I got people roaming all over this fucking place.

406. Lahey's gonna be here, man.

407. Everybody stay the fuck on this property

408. only please.

409. Get the fuck out of there.

410. I gotta serve the liquor.

411. You gotta stay on j-roc's property

412. or the whole thing is gonna get shut down.

413. Tell them that I'm serving the liquor.

414. I don't want people dipping into this, alright.

415. I want to serve the fucking liquor here.

416. - Okay, - the liquor is free,

417. but even though it's free,

418. Ricky's the one who's handing it out;

419. so don't be just helping yourself

420. out of the bucket there.

421. Fuck off Trevor, I'm serious.

422. Fuck off, Trevor.

423. Alright, see this line?

424. Nobody cross this line

425. or lahey the fucking asshole

426. is going to call the cops.

427. So don't fuck around and don't cross the line.

428. Stay on this side, on this property only.

429. Alright, I'm gonna be straight up with you j-roc.

430. This concert can make or break your career,

431. so I want you to go out there,

432. put on a good show and show everyone

433. who's the baddest freestyle mc

434. in sunnyvale trailer park history.

435. Alright, b.

436. And thanks, dog, for helping me

437. keep this shit extra real, you know what I'm saying.

438. Man, we're all in this together, alright.

439. As far as that jacking off shit goes,

440. man, the ladies love that.

441. It just means you got a healthy sex drive,

442. you know what I'm sayin'?

443. Jules, I know I may come across

444. hard as fuck all the time, you know what I'm saying,

445. but every motherfucker needs a boost of confidence

446. from time to time.

447. You have my back, boy?

448. I got your back, man.

449. Let's fucking do this shit.

450. - You must be - Mr. Detroit velvet smooth.

451. My name is James lahey, this my assistant Randy.

452. You from Detroit?

453. No, man, I'm from moncton, but never mind that.

454. Where the fuck are these cds at?

455. Yo, they got my fucking face on this shit though.

456. Where the fuck is this fucking j-roc at seriously?

457. It would be my pleasure to show you

458. exactly where he is. Okay, then.

459. - Let's roll, Randy. - Yo, let's get this motherfucker.

460. - You're getting - ripped off, boy.

461. Yeah, we're getting ripped off, it ain't gonna happen

462. too much longer though.

463. We're gonna do this old school,

464. right about now, you know what I'm saying.

465. Get up t, get up t.

466. You know what I'm s-s-s-sayin'.

467. This is crazy, I can't believe this motherfucker.

468. But yo, I'm gonna deal with this right now.

469. Who are you?

470. - Yeah, - who am I?

471. Don't worry about that.

472. Yo, all I'm saying, I ain't gonna shoot nobody

473. I just want to get that motherfucker's attention

474. right there.

475. Yo, j, come here, man.

476. Me and you need to talk. Whoa, whoa, man.

477. What do you think you're doing here?

478. What am I doing here?

479. Whoa, whoa, whoa, nothing.

480. How do you like that?

481. All I'm saying is that motherfucker right there

482. has been jacking my tunes and clocking my dollars.

483. For me, in this industry, dog,

484. that's called royalties motherfucker, royalties.

485. You know what I mean. Royalties.

486. - What the fuck - does that mean?

487. Royalties, it means you owe me fucking money.

488. Listen, man, let's just put the guns away.

489. Everything's cool alright.

490. - D.v.s, pimp, I'm j-roc. - You know what I'm saying?

491. I am so down with your shit, you know what I'm saying,

492. keeping it real, what I'm saying.

493. Dog, you been jacking my tunes, man,

494. seriously I ain't trying to have that.

495. I ain't been jacking your tunes, my brother,

496. I'm doing promotion shit—

497. brother?

498. You calling me your brother?

499. Seems to me one of us ain't black.

500. Are you black?

501. Yeah, I'm black.

502. This mother-fucker's crazy.

503. - No, - j-roc's not crazy

504. he just genuinely believes he's black.

505. We don't give him a hard time about it,

506. he's always been like that

507. I don't think most of us even notice anymore.

508. It's just weird when new folks come along

509. and they take a look at him,

510. but as soon as they talk to him

511. and figure out what his stick is, he's black.

512. It's not an act, he really believes it.

513. You got degrees of black, you know what I'm saying?

514. All kinds of different motherfuckers

515. are a different kind of black.

516. T is right here, you know what I'm saying.

517. And like Lionel ritchie is right here

518. 'cause he ain't that black, you know what I'm sayin',

519. especially after the commodores,

520. he's practically not black at tall,

521. you know what I'm saying.

522. You got your Michael Jackson, who's like a white black.

523. Which, you know, can be sure on the whack.

524. - Go up in your house, - look in the mirror

525. and see what you really is, 'cause to me and my boys,

526. you's a punk.

527. J to the r o c is a punk.

528. Well, that's a little harsh.

529. He's not a punk.

530. He might be a bit of a fucking goof,

531. but he's not a punk.

532. Punk.

533. I'm out.

534. Straight up and down.

535. Somebody get on stage,

536. we got people freaking out here.

537. Cory, Trevor, get up on stage.

538. Prime minister c, nice, don't offend.

539. If you don't like my shit, just pretend.

540. People always scream at me whenever I talk,

541. but I don't jerk off 'cause I'm not the j-roc.

542. - Honey, I told them - the concert is over.

543. Oh, my god, what's wrong?

544. Why are you dressed like that?

545. Why would I be dressed any differently, mom?

546. It's who I am.

547. It's hard to admit it, but...

548. Mom, I'm white.

549. Come on, no love for prime minister and t bag. What's up?

550. Bubbles.

551. Bubbles, come here, man.

552. I hate to do this to you, man,

553. but you gotta get up there and rap

554. until I can get j-roc back up.

555. Who's the microphone assassin?

556. I don't know.

557. You are, of course you are,

558. you get out there and strut your stuff.

559. I didn't spend all that money on turntables for nothing.

560. I believe in you.

561. You gotta believe in yourself.

562. I don't know, mom.

563. Straight up, I don't know.

564. Alright, I guess I'm gonna try to rap for you guys.

565. I've never rapped before

566. and I'm kind of fucking drunk,

567. but I'll give it a shot, alright.

568. I got a grey kitty, white one, and a tabby, too.

569. And a big orange guy who puts snakes in my shoes.

570. Madame c skills leave me strut

571. and I roll with my kitties I'm as hard as fuck.

572. Well, before you were born,

573. I was, uh, involved

574. with a couple of black guys.

575. Oh yeah. No way.

576. I like black guys, Jamie,

577. there's no question about it.

578. Look, we didn't sell too many cds,

579. but here's two hundred bucks man.

580. Thanks a lot, man.

581. Sorry for the mix up.

582. Hey, just a sec.

583. Linda!

584. Can j-roc's mom talk to you for a second.

585. Yeah.

586. - Could you - just go in there

587. and talk to him.

588. He thinks the world of you.

589. Can you do that?

590. I can do that, mom, straight up.

591. That's nice, thank you.

592. Right on DVD.

593. It's d.V.S, motherfucker.

594. I'm down with Plato and socrates

595. and I like to get busy with all the ladies.

596. Throwing them back, something, something, something.

597. There's a lot more to being black

598. than just being down with nwa.

599. Seriously. You know what I mean?

600. There's black and there's white and then there's you, j-roc.

601. And I still don't know what the fuck that is yet.

602. But you're cool, alright?

603. And I did hear some of your shit man,

604. and your shit is tight.

605. Straight up. You think my shit's tight.

606. Man, you're all good, baby.

607. Holler if you hear me, man.

608. All I'm saying, you got to get out

609. of this tip top shit, 'cause it's straight whacked,

610. this rainbow connection shit is not working.

611. For us to go out there, you need to go get changed

612. an then I'll be chilling right here waiting for you

613. - word. - J to the r o c, baby.

614. - Fucking right. - Back up in the heezy, baby.

615. Straight up, man, straight up and down.

616. But right now I heard

617. that the baddest freestyling mc,

618. off the top of his head shit,

619. is right here in sunnyvale

620. so while I'm saying sunnyvale,

621. could you please make some noise

622. for my man j to the r o c live and direct

623. with Detroit velvet smooth here live

624. and for you, so yo, j-roc!

625. Hell yeah, make some noise

626. for my boy, d.V.S., up in this motherfucker,

627. you know what I'm saying.

628. This here's a story about some shit

629. that happened to me today.

630. Check it out.

631. Here we go, one two.

632. By now you heard the story about how I got caught,

633. playing with my shit, but hold that thought.

634. Before you disrespect j-r o c, it could happen to you,

635. 'cause it happened to me and t.

636. Check this shit out.

637. Come on, j-roc.

638. A situation broke out when I smoke too much bud,

639. reached in my drawers, pulled out my pud.

640. Bust open a jar of petroleum jelly,

641. started thinking about Donna and Nicky -and shelley.

642. Never mind, I was hitting it, we was almost there,

643. then the door bust open and fuck, my moms was there!

644. But don't disrespect j r o c,

645. it could happen to you 'cause it happened to me.