Trailer Park Boys 3x1

1. How are you guys doing? Look at this load of carts.

2. Four brand-new ones. This is one of the best days ever.

3. Just about to go pick up Ricky and Julian at jail.

4. Those guys never got out of jail

5. with a bunch of money before, so this should be fun.

6. You guys should come with me. Just gonna dump these off.

7. Ha, check this out, bubbles.

8. You see that fucking skid?

9. Fuck, Julian, I can't deal with this bullshit right now.

10. - It's alright, man. - What time is it bubbles?

11. It's 11:30, Ricky.

12. Ricky, you can't fucking light up in the bank.

13. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I'm rich as fuck now.

14. Thirty eight grand in unmarked bills. I don't give a fuck.

15. Ricky, calm down, man.

16. Julian, fuck all this bullshit. Fuck this bank.

17. Let's just go spend it man.

18. Let's go shopping. We need some gifts. Come on.

19. Ricky, we're gonna set up some g.I.C.'S

20. and some r.S.P.'S, man. That's investment.

21. - Bingo. - You got it?

22. - Fuck investments, Julian. - Listen, we can go on vacation

23. every year, man. Go on a cruise or something.

24. I don't give a fuck about a cruise.

25. I want to go spend the cash right now.

26. Ricky, that's what smart people do

27. with their fucking money. Invest it.

28. Julian's handling all my finances.

29. Bubbles is right, man.

30. Listen, we just set up a few small businesses

31. in the trailer park, man.

32. Why don't you let me control your money?

33. Control my money? Fuck r.S.V.P.'S, Julian.

34. What about freedom 35?

35. I thought we were fucking retired.

36. - Oh oh. - Calm down.

37. I grew the fucking dope. It's my fucking money.

38. You can't scream "dope" out in the bank.

39. Dope, dope, doppedy fucking dope, dope.

40. - Here's security. - Fuck! Perfect. Fuck off.

41. Thanks, I can walk out on my own guys.

42. Give me my fucking cigarette back.

43. Fuck off, let go of me.

44. Ricky, everybody calm down. We're leaving.

45. Today's the day Ricky's getting out of jail

46. and apparently he has a whole bunch of money saved up

47. and I think he's probably gonna to try to move back in

48. with Lucy or get with me again. Not this time.

49. We've got a surprise waiting for Ricky this time.

50. Holy fuck, that's good pepperoni.

51. There's gonna be some changes this time though Randy.

52. I feel much more secure.

53. I feel much more able to deal with those assholes.

54. Me too, Mr. lahey.

55. What is it, Julian?

56. This is no big deal or anything,

57. but I think you're gonna like this, buddy.

58. Ahhh! Oh my god, Julian. You didn't have to do that.

59. You deserve it buddy.

60. Thanks. I'm gonna go get all my shit and put it in there.

61. Come on, drive her into you.

62. There's lots more where that came from.

63. Well, I mean, just look at this place. It's like a, a palace.

64. Bunk beds, TV, satellite dish, 416 channels.

65. Oh, he's fucking taking off. Anything I wanna watch,

66. it's there. I just turn it on. Indoor plumbing, all hooked up.

67. Cell phone. I never had a phone before.

68. Cordless.

69. Look at that.

70. All-new technology.

71. Keep her up there.

72. This is the nicest fucking shed I think there's ever been.

73. Howdy, Ricky. Back from con college so soon?

74. Look, guys, I don't want any trouble. I just got out of jail.

75. I'm a new man. I've got lots of money,

76. so I don't want to start any bullshit.

77. What I do want is a brand-new, double-wide trailer.

78. Nicest one you've got. That'll cost ya, Ricky.

79. Yeah, well, here's a thousand dollars down

80. for hook-up fees and six months' lease up front.

81. Where the hell did you get that kind of money?

82. - I've got lots of money, lahey. - Oh, I get it. Never mind.

83. Lahey, I've got my own money, alright. I've got lots of it.

84. An endless supply. I want a double-wide trailer

85. by five o'clock tomorrow or I'm calling Barbara. Simple as that.

86. Ricky, I'm not hauling anything in this park

87. unless I get $5,000 down.

88. Believe me, I'd give you the money right now,

89. but I don't trust either one of you fuckernauts.

90. Yeah, I don't trust you, shit-bat.

91. Collateral, Rick, or no trailer.

92. Fine, I'll give you some collateral.

93. Why don't you go around and tell everybody in this park

94. that I'll kiss your bare ass

95. if I don't have the money by five o'clock tomorrow.

96. That's some fucking collateral, isn't it?

97. I have lived in this fucking car for four years now.

98. An I wish I could say I'm gonna miss it, but I'm not.

99. Living in a car kind of fucking sucks.

100. Way too cramped when you're sleeping, it's cold at night.

101. No more living in a car for me.

102. I'm getting my own fucking trailer, and I can't wait.

103. - You'll kiss his bare ass? - That's what I said, dumb ass.

104. Ricky, that would mean you'd agree to play

105. by sunnyvale trailer park rules.

106. Are you willing to put that in writing?

107. Give me a fucking pen.

108. Get a lease agreement, Randy. Special clauses.

109. Here.

110. That's for the pen. And you know what?

111. I got out of jail

112. and I try to start things off on the right foot.

113. And you wouldn't do that, would you?

114. So I'm gonna pay you a hundred dollars to fuck off.

115. Leave me alone, just give me my trailer and fuck off.

116. When's the last time you saw your father?

117. Six months ago or something?

118. She doesn't even remember the last time she saw her dad.

119. He wasn't around all last year. Not impressed by Ricky at all.

120. Julian's got a couple of money-making schemes

121. he's got going on in the park. I think he's got Corey

122. and Trevor selling ice cream out of ice-cream bikes.

123. All I want to do

124. is open up a few semi-legit business to make money.

125. I put a lot of work into this and I mean,

126. I don't want to go back to jail.

127. Trin, in the house now. Let's go. Come on.

128. Wipe that grin off your face. What is that?

129. - A ghetto blaster daddy got me. - What's the problem here?

130. We're just handing out a little bit of money,

131. having some ice cream.

132. I bought trin a stereo. Got a problem with that?

133. You're gonna find out what the problem is soon enough, Ricky.

134. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

135. What's going on, Rick?

136. Good to see ya, m-fucker, you know what I'm saying?

137. Gotta check this shit out, boy. Julian set bubbles up hard,

138. you know what I'm saying? Brand-new shed, boys,

139. satellite TV and shit. Julian's the man.

140. That's not too bad.

141. Julian's not the man. I got just as much money as him.

142. Check this out bubbles,

143. I got you something too, buddy.

144. Get in, bubbles.

145. How's it running, buddy?

146. Did you see the burnouts I was doing?

147. - That was awesome. - Thanks, Ricky.

148. You're welcome.

149. See, Julian's not the only one with money.

150. I've never really had money before.

151. I'm the first person in my family to have money,

152. so it feels pretty good.

153. I got my dad some pepperoni and booze

154. and I bought some gifts for people.

155. That's the difference between me and Julian.

156. Julian's out there showing off

157. and he's spending all his money on himself,

158. buying these flashy cars and different things like that.

159. And I just don't get that. I'm not about that stuff at all.

160. The whole time I was in jail, I was thinking about this day.

161. And I got a big surprise for everybody in this park.

162. I'm getting a new trailer and a new car

163. and I'm gonna burn this car right to the ground.

164. I'm starting a new life.

165. Well, Ricky's been living in the shit mobile for,

166. I don't know how many years now.

167. Julian gave it to him when he had no place to go.

168. Ricky goes on about it, you know, how much he hates

169. the fucking thing, but he's lived in it so long,

170. I think he'd really miss it if he didn't have it.

171. There's a lot of history, you know, in this car.

172. I've been living in this car,

173. and it's been a big part of my life.

174. But, you know, it's fucked me around quite a bit.

175. Sometimes it stalls on ya, and it doesn't work right.

176. You need to go somewhere and it's like,

177. no you're not fucking going there right now

178. cause I'm gonna fucking stall on ya. It pisses you off.

179. It was Julian's grandmother who owned it originally

180. and she left it to Julian and that's probably

181. how most of the damage got done

182. 'cause she used to drive around here

183. drunk all the time, smashing into poles and stuff.

184. You think Julian goes around with a drink a lot,

185. you should've saw her.

186. Yeah, you know what's comin, don't ya?

187. You know what's gonna happen to you tonight.

188. You now, he's always kicking it and being mean to it,

189. but he loves that old yorker.

190. Purple.

191. Alright, everybody, it's time for the main event.

192. I'm buying a new trailer tomorrow and a new car,

193. and I want to thank you all for coming down here to watch me

194. burn this piece of shit to the ground, so let's get it started.

195. Hey bubbles. Let's order some chicken pizza

196. and play some video games on your new TV, man.

197. I got that new wrestling game, man.

198. Where you going bubbles?

199. Chicken pizza and wrestling games.

200. I bought you a fucking go-cart, and I got donairs here.

201. Stay and chill with me.

202. Ricky, Julian's my buddy too, you know.

203. I been hanging around with you, hanging around with him.

204. Well, I've got fireworks.

205. At least stay and watch the fucking fireworks.

206. Come on.

207. Holy fuck. Julian, he's got fireworks.

208. Can we stay for those? Whatever, man.

209. Alright, personal assistants Trevor and Corey,

210. let's get the fireworks going, please, let's go.

211. Let's go guys. Move it. Move it, guys.

212. What the fuck?

213. I suggest you turn that camera off right now.

214. If I see my face on television or reproduced in any way,

215. I will sue.

216. This is the guy right here in the track suit.

217. - Who the fuck are you? - He's a fucking lawyer, Ricky.

218. I'm a fuck offer.

219. Richard, hi. I've heard so much about you.

220. What the hell is this?

221. Well, I guess you could call it a bill for being an asshole.

222. You better watch yourself, buddy.

223. Bubbles, give me a hand with this reading stuff please.

224. There's a lot of big words there, man.

225. Three years' child-support payments you owe, Ricky.

226. Child reports, what?

227. Now you got suit dummies making up big fancy word papers

228. about me being a bad father because I'm rich now?

229. This is bullshit, Lucy. I'm not a bad father, am I, Trinity?

230. Ricky, a good father doesn't go to jail every year, okay?

231. - Some do. - Yeah.

232. I think you'll find those papers in order, Richard.

233. See you in court.

234. You think you're so big with your little suit

235. and your little college reading and stuff. Go fuck yourself.

236. Lucy, you better not be banging him.

237. Forget where you got that, buddy?

238. No I didn't, Julian. And I'm fucking burning it right now.

239. Let's go, bubbles. I can't watch this shit, man.

240. Julian, we can't let him blow himself up.

241. You know he's gonna fucking blow himself up.

242. Corey, Trevor, what the fuck's going on with the fireworks?

243. Hurry up.

244. Dad, get out of the fucking car, come on.

245. No fucking around here.

246. You know, Ricky, this car used to be your home, buddy.

247. Remember that? You used to love living in here.

248. Get the fuck out, I'm burning it.

249. No, man. Don't. I don't want you to burn it.

250. Just think before you act here, okay?

251. You used to love living her, remember that?

252. There's nothing wrong with living in a car, man.

253. I did it for nine years, the best years of my life.

254. No shit.

255. If you don't want the car, Rick, give it back to Julian.

256. Give it to me, for chrissakes. I'd love to have this car.

257. I see what this is all about, dad.

258. You know what, keep the fucking car.

259. I don't give a shit. I'm rich as fuck.

260. I would have bought you a brand-new one. Take it.

261. It's got nothing to do with money, Rick.

262. Trevor and Corey, what the fuck you guys doing?

263. I spent two grand on fireworks,

264. I wanna see some fucking fireworks. Come on.

265. Alright, everybody, fuck it.

266. We're gonna get drunk and eat donairs tonight.

267. And I plan on getting drunk as fuck tonight.

268. Drunk as fuck.

269. Drunk as fuck. Drunk as fuck. Drunk as fuck.

270. Come on, I gotta get you cleaned up.

271. Cocksucker.

272. Look, you know we're going to make money doing this.

273. We're gonna make more than Corey and Trevor selling ice cream.

274. We need eighteen hundred.

275. Do you guys think you can draw enough customers?

276. No, we don't think we're gonna get any customers,

277. that's why we want to start a business.

278. Listen, we're already doing everybody's hair anyway.

279. Now we're just going to make them pay for it.

280. So, luce, can I ask you something?

281. Yeah, what?

282. What's up with this lawsuit thing?

283. Look, Ricky doesn't even understand

284. what child support is, Julian.

285. He doesn't get the fucking concept.

286. I figured that a lawsuit would clear his head a little,

287. make him a little bit more responsible.

288. The only way Ricky is gonna get any smarter

289. is if he dies and comes back as a turnip.

290. He just keeps on getting stupider, Julian.

291. Fuck, bubbles.

292. What's going on, cheddar? Know what I'm saying?

293. You're gonna hook the rock pile up with them track suits today,

294. right, motherfucker?

295. - You guys get my ride lined up? - Fucking rides, boy.

296. - All taken care of, man. - 1968 chev convertible.

297. Off the hook, motherfucker.

298. Right on. I'm gonna hook up with you guys in a bit, alright?

299. Word. Slap me a ten, pimp?

300. Just a second, buddy.

301. Ricky, Jesus, you might want to close the door.

302. Hey, stop fucking filming me in here.

303. What the fuck are you filming him peeing for?

304. Turn off the fucking camera.

305. Fuck off.

306. - Ice cream! - Ice cream!

307. Yo, Ricky.

308. Eleven grand, huh? Looks pretty good, pretty tight.

309. High performance. Well, I got all kinds of money. Let's make—

310. daddy, daddy! I want some ice cream.

311. I'll get you some ice cream just one second.

312. What are you guys doing? I told you to stay off those bikes.

313. Trinity, I don't want you to see

314. what your daddy's about to do,

315. so why don't you head down to my shed.

316. I got a brand-new kitty. Tickle his belly.

317. That's what you guys deserve for that.

318. What did you do, Ricky? Huh?

319. Boys, get up and fix these bikes and get back to work.

320. They work for me now, Julian.

321. Those bikes cost me twelve-hundred bucks, man.

322. Cough up some money for the damages.

323. You want some money for damages? Not a problem.

324. I've got twelve-hundred bucks right here, idiot.

325. What's gotten into you, man?

326. Now that I own those bikes,

327. I guess I can do whatever I want to them, can't I?

328. Ricky.

329. Tripped them up with a hockey stick, no big deal.

330. Fired a few shots at them. Way I see it, I bought the bikes,

331. I own them. Just like owning a target. You shoot at that.

332. I shot at the bikes. Then Julian's got this attitude.

333. And fires a bullet at my brand new car. Real nice.

334. So I fired a shot at his new car.

335. Spy for a spy. That's the way it works around here.

336. Boys, what the fuck are you guys doing?

337. Money is turning you guys into idiots.

338. Now hand over the guns before somebody gets hurt.

339. Ricky, give me the gun. You're being an arsehole.

340. Somebody's gonna get hurt. Yeah, Ricky.

341. You started it, Julian.

342. Speaking of arseholes, now look what you did.

343. Aw fuck!

344. Alright, everybody. Clear the area.

345. Hand over the weapons, bubbles. Go fuck yourself, lahey.

346. Let's go, Randy, back in the car.

347. You heard lahey, everybody move out.

348. Everything is cool here, Jim.

349. Everything is not cool here, Julian.

350. You boys are fucking up big time.

351. You better get Ricky under control

352. or I'm calling in the parole board.

353. Ricky, I'm gathering evidence on you and I'm gonna have you

354. removed from this park one way or another.

355. The old shit clock's ticking.

356. What's wrong? Are you alright?

357. Well, I don't want to end up drunk and stupid like you,

358. that's what's wrong.

359. What's that supposed to mean, sweetie?

360. Come on, dad. You're not that stupid.

361. Oh, I think somebody's been talking to Trinity

362. and they've misleaded her around and basically they said

363. that I'm drunk and stupid all the time,

364. which isn't the case. Once in a while I'll get drunk.

365. Once and a while something comes out of my mouth

366. that may not be the smartest thing in the world.

367. She shouldn't be worried about growing up to be drunk

368. and stupid like me. That's not gonna happen.

369. She's already smarter than me and, you know,

370. she's only like nine years old.

371. You better have my trailer ready in two fucking hours, lahey.

372. And you better have the money, ready, Ricky,

373. or prepare to pucker up and kiss my ass.

374. Hey, bubs, can I borrow your cell phone please?

375. Thanks.

376. Put this up, Ricky.

377. How's it going?

378. I need the best set of encyclopedias you got.

379. Ricky. And it's going to lot 423 in sunnyvale trailer park.

380. And I want them here in 15 minutes, I'll pay cash.

381. If they're not here in 15 minutes,

382. I'll buy 'em from somebody else. You calm the fuck down, alright?

383. I just want them here immediately.

384. Thank you.

385. On my fucking dinner.

386. Lucy, Sarah.

387. My dreams are about to come true in five minutes.

388. Bring Trinity down to lot 423 to see my new double-wide trailer

389. and I'll have a gift for Trinity.

390. Can't wait to see your trailer

391. up in this motherfucker.

392. That shit is gonna be dope.

393. Me either. Where the fuck is my new trailer, lahey?

394. Fucking Randy. What's going on here?

395. All you have to do is say the word,

396. and I can have your trailer down here in two minutes.

397. I'm saying the word right the fuck now.

398. - Where's the five grand, Ricky? - It's right here, shitler.

399. Daddy.

400. Hey trin, how's it going?

401. Hello? Hi, excuse me. I'm looking for a Ricky.

402. I have his encyclopedias. Trinity, come with me.

403. Daddy bought you some encyclopedias

404. so you can get smarter.

405. You won't be stupid like daddy when you get older.

406. So, what's the damage?

407. Well, with tax it is $4,728.33 and that is the cash price.

408. What? For a bunch of fucking books?

409. Well, if you don't have it, that's fine. But...

410. No, no, no. Shh. No, no. I've got lots of money,

411. I've got the money right here. What are they,

412. fucking printed in gold or something? Jesus Christ.

413. Is that all the money you've got Ricky?

414. Well, I thought I had more than this.

415. I can sell some stuff, lahey. I'll have your money tomorrow.

416. I've got to do one thing at a time here.

417. Well, well, well. What's it gonna be, Rick?

418. You gonna buy the trailer

419. or are you gonna kiss my bare ass right now

420. in front of all these good people?

421. Oh my god, he's gonna do it, dude.

422. Holy shit, it's ass-kissing time.

423. Lucy, let's get Trinity out of here, right now.

424. Ricky, you did the right thing.

425. Let's fucking get this over with, lahey.

426. - Be my pleasure, Ricky. - Jesus Christ.

427. Pucker up, boy.

428. - Make it a quick one, Ricky. - Bite me, Randy.

429. Jesus.

430. That's enough.

431. - I can't believe you did that. - Damn that's sick, dude.

432. Can't believe he did that. That's friggin' gross.

433. Well, I guess I won that one, Ricky.

434. - Hope you enjoyed that, lahey. - Leave him alone.

435. Nobody really knows Ricky the way I do,

436. and I just hope he's alright

437. after putting his lips on Mr. lahey's bum.

438. All clear, Rick.

439. Hey, boys, I'm sorry you had to fucking witness that.

440. It's alright, Ricky.

441. You knew I'd fuck up and lose everything, didn't you, dad?

442. Even the old man knows you better

443. than you know yourself sometimes, man.

444. The TV does work, Ricky.

445. You just gotta jiggle the fucking cord.

446. You giving that to me, buddy?

447. Well yeah, I mean, I'd give you back any of that stuff

448. you bought me, if you need it. I could sell that go-cart.

449. Don't worry about it bubs. I appreciate this. Thanks.

450. I'm better off without fucking money.

451. Any chance I can get a piece of that pepperoni, dad?

452. That's all I got for the rest of the night, man.

453. - Just a little bite? - It's all I got.

454. Hey Rick, you've gotta promise me

455. you're not gonna do anything else stupid, alright?

456. I promise you. I mean, what the fuck else could I do?

457. What you did was...

458. Not a lot of people would do that for their daughter.

459. You know what that makes you?

460. A fucking good dad.

461. Take her back.

462. Ricky, you're gonna be sleeping on a fucking angle there.

463. You don't want that.

464. There's a voice

465. keeps on callin' me

466. down the road

467. that's where I'll always be

468. every stop I make, I make a new friend.

469. - Hi, daddy. - Hey, trin.

470. What are you doing out so late?

471. - Hey, Rick. - How's it going?

472. It's going well. Uh, I've been thinking.

473. I think the important thing

474. is for you to spend time with Trinity.

475. So, the lawsuit's gone.

476. Thanks Lucy. I appreciate that, I lost everything.

477. Sorry. I'd give you the money if I had it.

478. You didn't lose Trinity. So...

479. - I love you. - I love you too.