Trailer Park Boys 2x1

1. Fuck!

2. I was just on my way to get Ricky and Julian.

3. They're getting out of jail today.

4. Jesus, I hope I don't get pulled over.

5. No license, registration, insurance.

6. Not a fucking thing.

7. Wake-up call, Delta, Charley blocks.

8. Pick up, Gate 2.

9. Yeah!

10. - Bubbles! - We're out of jail.

11. How's it going, buddy?

12. - Ricky. - Fuck, it's good to see you, man.

13. Oh, you too.

14. How come you guys got your suits on?

15. Remember, we got busted at the wedding.

16. We didn't have any other clothes to put on, for fuck's sakes.

17. - Well, you look good. - First day out of jail.

18. - Look who I brought. - How's it going, boys?

19. - Good to see you. - So, what's the plan, boys?

20. Bubbles, listen to this. Ricky and I,

21. we're sick of going back and forth to jail.

22. - Jail is bullshit, man. - You can't even smoke in there.

23. The dope sucks. It's fucked.

24. I hate it when you guys are in jail.

25. Yeah, no kidding. So do we.

26. I've got a plan, alright? It's called Freedom 35.

27. What's a Freedom 35?

28. You're not going to believe this. It's perfect.

29. Julian's got these guards on the inside,

30. they're going to smuggle in a bunch of dope that we grow,

31. sell it for big money in there, and then we can retire

32. and never have to break the law again. It's perfect. It's easy.

33. All we have to do is get some equipment and grow dope.

34. And where do you get the money for the equipment?

35. Here it comes.

36. I've thought of this one, Bubbles. It's perfect.

37. We're going to go to the shopping mall right now,

38. steal 20 or 30 car stereos, sell them to J-Roc.

39. Julian, I picked you up at jail ten minutes ago.

40. And now you are telling me we're going to steal car stereos.

41. But in order to stop breaking the law,

42. we gotta break the law just for a couple of minutes,

43. and then we'll be done. We'll retire.

44. I don't know, boys.

45. I don't want you guys to go back to jail already.

46. - You see? - Guys, I've got this all figured out.

47. It's going to work like a charm. Don't worry about it.

48. Ricky, what did we agree to in jail?

49. About me budgeting my cigarettes.

50. - No, the other thing. - "Julian's thinking is..."

51. Julian's thinking is clearer than Ricky's.

52. Exactly.

53. Well, Ricky and Julian, I know they got to steal

54. some car stereos and what not to get back on their feet,

55. but I don't want to have any fucking part of that.

56. I got my own business at the mall.

57. This is a good cart,

58. even though there's no fucking wheels on it.

59. I got wheels at home that will fit right on her.

60. It's a fucking gold mine down there.

61. Come back for those cocksuckers later.

62. Hey, hey, hey! What the hell are you guys doing?!

63. - Ricky? - What does it look like we're doing?

64. It looks like you're doing something you shouldn't be doing.

65. Actually, we're doin' something we should be doing, alright?

66. - Hey, I'm the mall manager. - I know who you are, pal,

67. and you got a real problem with mall security.

68. This is the seven stereos I've lost in this mall now,

69. because people are breaking in,

70. cause you're not doing your fucking job.

71. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, guys.

72. Jesus, I didn't... I really didn't mean to accuse you,

73. it's just, I'm a little stressed out, okay?

74. I've got kids in there throwing subs at me.

75. I've got my boss on the walkie-talkie all the time

76. going, "Gary, we need more carts."

77. "Gary, there's somebody masturbating in the food court."

78. "Gary, can you go clean the fucking bathrooms again?"

79. I mean, I don't know where to fucking turn...

80. Listen, pal, take a deep breath here, man.

81. Everybody makes mistakes. It's cool.

82. I'm really sorry. I just quit smoking.

83. - It's starting to get to me. - We understand.

84. I'm just so fucking short-staffed.

85. I'm not going to put a complaint on to the mall this time,

86. but, man, you gotta get your shit together.

87. You think two guys in suits are going to be stealing stereos?

88. It's not us, it's some other dickheads.

89. - I know. I'm sorry. Okay. - I'm really sorry, okay?

90. I'm just going to get a smoke there from you, okay, pal?

91. Listen, I'm sorry, guys, really I am. We'll see ya.

92. Nice work, man.

93. I got lucky there, buddy.

94. - Come on, Bubbles, let's go! - We're going to my trailer park.

95. Jesus Christ!

96. Bubbles, what happened to my trailer park, man?

97. Looks like a tropical earthquake blew through here.

98. Well, it's just... Bottle-Kids!

99. Hey!

100. You little dicks! I just got this car out of storage!

101. So what's up with Lahey?

102. He's been drinking like a fucking fish.

103. Everybody wants him fired cause he let the park go all to shit.

104. It's about time to get rid of that fucking dick anyway.

105. - I hate that guy. - Losing Lahey is not a good thing.

106. I can control Lahey.

107. If we have to deal with another trailer-park supervisor,

108. it's not going to be good. Take me to J-Roc's.

109. Fuck J-Roc, Julian. I want to go see Lucy and Trinity.

110. I haven't seen them in fourteen months, man.

111. - That's my family. - We're going to J-Roc's first.

112. Hey, Julian, maybe Ricky should go see Ray first.

113. What are you talking about, Bubbles?

114. What's going on here?

115. Just, there's some stuff that's kind of different now

116. and... just fucking go see Ray.

117. - Hey, Dad! - Ricky!

118. - How's it going? - My God, he's out of jail.

119. - You're out of your chair. - I'm out of my chair.

120. I feel great. Great to see you, man.

121. - Hey, Ricky, welcome back. - What are you doing here?

122. I'm crashing with Ray for a bit. Me and Lucy got in a fight.

123. - How are you doing anyway? - Good. Is Lucy alright?

124. After all the shit went down at the wedding,

125. she blamed it all on you, said she didn't want to see you anymore.

126. Wasn't my fault, it was the cops' fault.

127. They ruined the wedding, not me.

128. That's what I told her, but you know Lucy.

129. I can't believe she's still pissed off over that bullshit.

130. She's still pretty pissed off about that, Ricky.

131. Dad, what the fuck is going on?

132. Are Lucy and Trinity okay or what?

133. I haven't seen Trinity for quite a while, but

134. - I'm sure Trinity's fine. - Yeah, she's fine.

135. Just go lie down on the couch or something, take it easy.

136. - I'm not gonna chill out now. - I made this birdhouse for them.

137. I want to go see my family. I've been waiting 14 months.

138. I'm going over there right now and find out what's going on.

139. It's the blue and white trailer on Hemlock Street.

140. She moved?

141. You know, I can't just wait around for him,

142. getting in and out of jail all the time.

143. I've got, like, a life I'm trying to pull together,

144. so I can be a good parent and a good person.

145. Get out of there.

146. - Stop right there, Ricky. - What the fuck are you doing here?

147. Don't step one foot on this property.

148. - Get your fucking hands off me. - Isn't this Lucy's trailer, you dick?

149. What the fuck are you doing?

150. Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.

151. Did you steal my fucking wife, asshole?

152. I wouldn't call it stealing, Ricky. You were in jail, fucked up.

153. Are you fucking living here with Lucy?

154. Lucy, what's going on here? And where the hell is Trinity?

155. She's at my mum's house while I get my shit together.

156. - Oh, that's nice. - Yeah.

157. I was in jail and all I did was think about you guys.

158. I made you guys a fucking birdhouse.

159. I guess I was the only one thinking about us.

160. You are banging Randy?

161. - That is fucked. - I am not banging him.

162. I am in love with him, okay?

163. And I can't tell you how much happier I am

164. being with a real man who has a job and who does

165. a little more with his life than grow dope and live in a car.

166. What are you talking about, love? Look at the way he dresses!

167. He's a fucking assistant trailer-park supervisor.

168. - I'm not the assistant anymore. - Don't fucking touch me!

169. Ricky, back off! I don't work for Lahey.

170. - Leave, you're trespassing. - You don't even have a fucking job?

171. Lucy, come on, he doesn't even have a job!

172. Hit the road, Ricky!

173. This isn't fucking over, asshole.

174. You make me fucking sick.

175. Go get your own girlfriend instead of stealing other people's.

176. Hey, ravine!

177. I'll fucking ravine you, you little bastards!

178. Fuck off!

179. You talking about, these are car stereos?

180. These is cassette decks, motherfuckers.

181. This one ain't even a cassette deck,

182. it's a C m-fucking B!

183. You're my brother, right?

184. I'm gonna hook you up with, all's I can do, 50 percent.

185. - Fifty percent? - That's the best you can do.

186. Sorry, Dog.

187. Man, look, you're talking to me here. Fifty percent.

188. T?

189. These car stereos ain't worth shit, man.

190. We're in the remarketing car alarm systems

191. everything else. You name it.

192. That's right. Check this shit out, boy.

193. You know what I'm saying.

194. You know what I'm saying.

195. Me and T know that when y'all was up in Oz,

196. you lost your honey wagon and shit.

197. J-Roc, what are you doing, man?

198. We can hook you up with this, man, for $150 a month.

199. $150 a month?

200. You know what I'm saying?

201. Alright. How about 25 grams of weed a month,

202. payments starting at the end of next month?

203. - Sounds good. - Aye.

204. - Sounds good? - Aye.

205. Now as for them car stereos, here's how it's going to go down,

206. you know what I'm saying? I'll get them punk-ass bitches,

207. Cory and Trevor, roll by your crib once I roll out

208. and get the hydro gear with my ma-fucking crew.

209. Dog, I wish there was some other shit I could do

210. but the shit's been too tight, you understand.

211. J-Roc, rewind here for a minute.

212. - What are you talking about? - T?

213. I missed it, man.

214. He just said Cory and Trevor is going to swing by

215. and drop off the hydro gear,

216. - and business hasn't been that great. - That's right!

217. - What's up, dude? - How you doing, Jules?

218. - Hey, boys. - Hey, man. How you doing?

219. - What's up? - Not much, man. Welcome home.

220. What are you doing with this hydroponic shit?

221. Are you growing dope with it?

222. 'Cause if you are, man, I'll totally help you out.

223. - We can help you grow dope. - Yeah, man. We can, you know...

224. Let me get something straight, okay?

225. I'm not growing dope.

226. You guys know nothing about this dope-growing equipment.

227. - Do you understand me? - That's cool.

228. Do you understand me, Trevor?

229. Ricky!

230. Rick, man what's up this time?

231. Julian, I got a major situation

232. I gotta deal with, man.

233. Smokes, let's go.

234. Hey, man. It's good to see you, man.

235. - Hey, whatever. - Knock-knock, boys. - Who's there?

236. - Get the fuck out of here. - I gotta talk to Julian. It's important.

237. - Nice to see you too, Ricky. - Boys, it's nice to see you,

238. but I gotta talk to Julian. Get the fuck out of here.

239. What's going on?

240. - Lucy is living with Randy. - What?

241. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck happened,

242. but I'm fucked man. I gotta get her back.

243. So there's something I gotta tell you,

244. and I know you're gonna freak out, but just hear me out.

245. I can't grow dope with you anymore.

246. - What are you talking about? - I can't. I'm going straight.

247. I gotta get a real family-man kind of job and try to win Lucy back.

248. You're going to get a real family job. Okay.

249. What are you going to do, get a job at the mall or something, Ricky?

250. Actually, that's not a bad idea.

251. That guy said he was short-staffed.

252. Listen, Ricky, you get Lucy out of your mind, alright?

253. It would be a big mistake trying to get her back.

254. Do you understand me? Don't be so fucking stupid.

255. Fuck you, Julian.

256. I should have known you wouldn't understand.

257. I thought you would, but you obviously don't understand.

258. No, you don't understand, Ricky.

259. - I'm done, man. I'm out. - Grow your own dope, alright?

260. Fuck Freedom 35. It's fucking stupid anyway.

261. Why don't you just think about what you're talking about here, Ricky?

262. What the fuck are you looking at? Don't fucking stare at me.

263. - Leave my cat alone. - Don't fucking stare at me.

264. So I guess I gotta stop growing dope.

265. Get a fucking job.

266. Okay, do you know what your job is?

267. Your job is to go around the parking lot collecting carts

268. and taking them back to the cart corral.

269. - Collecting carts? - I thought it was security work.

270. Come here, will you? Do you want the job or don't you?

271. Now look. Come down here and look at this.

272. Fuck!

273. You see the stuff down here. You see this?

274. Okay, somebody is stealing carts.

275. I'm losing 25 a week to a thief.

276. Now I cannot have a thief come on to my mall

277. and take merchandise away.

278. Now your job... you've got two of them, right?

279. First job: Collect the carts and take them back up to the cart corral.

280. The second job is, stop people from stealing them.

281. Ricky, food court.

282. Terry, I am on fucking carts, I'm not on the food court.

283. Well, you are here at the mall, aren't you?

284. Things going down here. We need you right away.

285. Terry, I can't fucking do that right now.

286. I'm on carts, alright? Fuck off.

287. It's a tough business, hauling shopping carts,

288. but it's got to be done and basically, it's the first job

289. I've ever had that's not against the law

290. and I'm going to do a good job.

291. They are telling me, "Don't let people steal the carts."

292. That's what I'm going to do. How hard can that be?

293. People don't realize how much fucking money there are in carts.

294. I take these home and fix them,

295. sell them back to a different mall for eighteen bucks.

296. I got the two malls playing off each other.

297. That's how I make my living.

298. It's not even really stealing, if you ask me,

299. because most of the money I make here,

300. I spend it back there anyway

301. on fucking cat food and stuff like that. So...

302. If somebody's here,

303. and hand on the cart like this and... Whoopsie!

304. - Down she goes and... - Bubbles?

305. Then somebody comes and picks her up later.

306. Bubbles, what are you doing?

307. You can't be touching the carts like this.

308. What do you care if I'm touching the carts, Ricky?

309. Cause I'm working at the mall now as a security guard.

310. Can't you see what I'm wearing here?

311. No way. You in charge of the fucking carts?

312. Yeah, I am and you can't take them, alright?

313. He just waltzes in there and becomes the King of the Carts.

314. What the fuck does he think I'm supposed to do?

315. Go down to "EI"? "Hi, there!"

316. "Yeah, I haul shopping carts out of ponds

317. and sell them back to the store for a living.

318. I've been doing it for eighteen years.

319. So give me a fucking cheque, please."

320. That's not gonna fucking happen. I haven't been paying in to UI...

321. EI... whatever the fuck they call it these days.

322. You want to see something fucked? Down over here,

323. people are so stupid, they don't even know

324. how to use a cart corral. Come check this shit out.

325. This is what I have to fucking deal with in this stupid job.

326. Look at this shit.

327. Bubbles, what the fuck are you doing?

328. These carts are public domain, Ricky.

329. What's that? No, man.

330. Bubbles, get back here, you dick!

331. - Fuck! - Hey, Ricky.

332. How's the new job going, buddy?

333. Go fuck yourself, Julian!

334. Oh, that's nice. I need your help, buddy.

335. Listen to me for a second. I got ten dope clones.

336. I don't give a fuck about your dope clones.

337. I got a job, man.

338. I'm trying to get back together with Lucy, you dick.

339. Ricky, fuck this stupid shopping cart bullshit, man.

340. Lucy is not coming back with you.

341. You gotta deal with it, man.

342. I'll help you out, alright?

343. Yeah, how are you going to do that, Julian?

344. What are you doing?!

345. Can you use a cart corral, for God's sakes?!

346. Nice! Real nice!

347. Fuck!

348. Rick, come grow some dope with me, man.

349. Come on.

350. Julian, I wouldn't grow dope with you

351. if you had the last fucking dope plants on earth.

352. Now get the hell away from me and let me do my job here.

353. Ricky, this is Gary.

354. We are missing seven carts. Seven carts, Ricky.

355. - Copy that, Gary. - Don't worry about the carts.

356. I'll get them back. I have a good idea where they are going.

357. You better get the carts cause if you don't,

358. I'm deducting ten bucks off your pay for every cart that goes missing,

359. - as of right now! - Copy that.

360. All right, boys, pay attention.

361. We gotta get Ricky fired immediately.

362. So this is what I want you to do.

363. Steal a car stereo and hide it in his trunk.

364. - No way. - We gotta get him fired?

365. No, no, no, listen. Repeat after me.

366. "We're gonna steal a car stereo..."

367. We're gonna steal a car stereo...

368. "And hide it in Ricky's trunk."

369. And hide it in Ricky's trunk.

370. Very good!

371. Gary, Gary, Gary. Listen up, man.

372. I got some bad news to tell ya.

373. Ricky's out in the car parking lot stealing car stereos.

374. ( He sighs.]

375. - Great. - I know.

376. I saw him putting one in the trunk.

377. Thanks, man. I gotta go call the cops.

378. - No, Gary, don't do that. - Don't embarrass yourself, buddy.

379. Like, come on. You guys have the same training as cops,

380. you're almost like a cop, aren't you?

381. Yeah, we do have the same training as police officers.

382. Well, you should probably deal with this one yourself.

383. - That's what I'd do. - That's a good idea.

384. Gary, come quick!

385. I need some fucking backup here! Bubbles' stealing the carts!

386. Gary, get some fucking backup out here, quick!

387. - Ricky?! - What are you dicks doing here?

388. Julian, what the fuck are you doing here?

389. What are you doing here?

390. Ricky, is this the cart thief?

391. This guy right here?

392. Go ahead then, Ricky,

393. you might as well tell them who the big fucking cart thief is.

394. Go ahead, Ricky, do your job.

395. This guy's just drunk. He's not really causing any problems.

396. It's those two guys right there stealing the carts.

397. - Get 'em! - I didn't do shit!

398. No, I didn't do shit.

399. No... No!

400. I can't see. Ricky?

401. Ricky

402. I want to look in your trunk.

403. Why?

404. Because I need to look in your trunk, Ricky.

405. - Just go open it. - Yeah, it's no big deal.

406. - What's this? - I don't fucking know!

407. What do you mean, you don't now? What is it?

408. Someone must have planted it there. I didn't take that.

409. Oh yeah, the car stereo fairy godmother, right Ricky?

410. What the hell is this?!

411. You know, I should just call the cops right now,

412. but I'm not going to, okay? But you're fired, Ricky.

413. - Give me your walkie. - I'm fired?

414. - You're fired. - I'm not fucking fired. I quit!

415. You're a fucking dick, you know that?

416. You just blew my chance to get back together with Lucy

417. and try to make a decent fucking living, asshole!

418. Give me the walkie, Ricky.

419. Get the fuck out of here!

420. Get the fuck out of here!

421. Oh! Nice mall cop uniform, Ricky!

422. Don't even fucking start with me today, Lahey.

423. I'm not in the mood.

424. I beg your pardon.

425. I was only a real cop.

426. I was never an important mall cop like you, Ricky.

427. - Knock-knock! - Who's there, Rick?

428. - Somebody. - Somebody who?

429. Somebody whose ex-wife owns the fucking trailer park

430. is the only reason you got the job as trailer park supervisor.

431. You got fired from the police force cause you fucked up big time,

432. but we're not going to talk about that, are we?

433. And you'll get fired from this job cause you're a drunk fucking idiot

434. who can't even run the trailer park.

435. You're drunk right now, I can smell the fucking liquor on you from here.

436. Go away for eighteen months to jail

437. and everything goes to fucking shit doesn't it, Lahey?

438. Like your little buddy, with his fucking no shirt,

439. moving in with my girlfriend and ruining my whole fucking life.

440. Now there's fucking shit everywhere in this fucking trailer park.

441. Fucking idiot!

442. This cart is fucked.

443. One good fucking wheel, that's it.

444. Hey, Bubbles.

445. Hey, Ricky.

446. - How's it going? - Pretty good.

447. Thanks for not ratting me out today.

448. I'm sorry about that today, man, I was fucked up.

449. It's okay.

450. Got your bubble machine working, huh?

451. Yeah, had to put a new fucking part in her.

452. Do you want a drink or something?

453. No.

454. So what do we have here?

455. Where did you get this shit?

456. - J-Roc. - J-Roc, huh?

457. So, I'm pretty stupid, aren't I, Julian?

458. You're smart and I'm stupid.

459. That's what everyone around the park thinks, according to you.

460. You're the big smart guy and I'm the big stupid guy.

461. - So, are these male or female? - I don't know.

462. - What's the difference? - About four extra weeks work.

463. That's what the difference is.

464. You bought the wrong clones. You made a big mistake.

465. Now you got a big fucking waste of time on your hands.

466. How does that feel, buddy?

467. Listen, Ricky, I make mistakes too, you know.

468. I don't know anything about this fucking hydroponic shit, man.

469. I feel stupid.

470. Now you know what I feel like all the time.

471. Well, can you do anything with this mess or what?

472. Did I totally fuck this all up?

473. I don't know, man.

474. Hopefully, you got a couple of female plants here

475. and maybe we can clone them or do something with them.

476. It looks pretty fucked up, though.

477. I broke the stem on this one, here.

478. Well, that's no good.

479. You may as well throw that the fuck away.

480. Can I still have a drink?

481. This one here isn't too bad.

482. This one here, I don't know.

483. I'll get some clones tomorrow and try to get this fixed up for you.

484. - So, what do you say, man? - Freedom 35?