Trailer Park Boys 1x6

Karen LeBlanc as Candy • James Swansburg as Theodore "Ted" Johnson • Shelley Thompson as Marriage Officiant

Lucy insists that Julian take over the job of organizing her wedding: which is odd since Julian isn't the groom, Ricky is. She wants lots of people and lots of food. The people part will be easy but getting that much food will be difficult on a tight budget. Julian's plan to hit a local grocery store runs into a snag when Ricky unexpectedly shows up in the middle of the heist. Shots are fired. The next day, the cops show up uninvited to the wedding.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. You guys rolling there?

2. Well, guys, I've matured.

3. You know, I'm learning a lot more.

4. I'm feeling pretty smart, actually.

5. And I'm not swearing nearly as much as I used to.

6. Only get drunk on weekends now, and I'm growing dope,

7. so the whole documentary thing for me has been really good.

8. Tomorrow I get married,

9. so life doesn't get much better than this for Ricky.

10. I just wish Julian stopped acting like a dick.

11. It's pissing me off.

12. Next message.

13. Hey, Julian, it's Lucy. Sorry to bother you.

14. But, um, Ricky, you know, he has done nothing

15. for the wedding, nothing, and it's tomorrow.

16. We don't have a priest. We don't have a place.

17. And, I mean, at the very least, we should have some food.

18. There's no food at all.

19. You know, I want it to be nice and everything.

20. I don't know what to do.

21. Like, if you don't call me back,

22. I think I'm gonna just have to cancel the —

23. luce! Yeah, no.

24. Lucy, calm down, all right? I was in the shower.

25. No, I've got everything taken care of.

26. Yes!

27. Everything's taken care of.

28. All right.

29. All right, I promise.

30. Okay, bye-bye.

31. Fuck.

32. You know, tomorrow's my big day,

33. and I shouldn't have to worry about anything else.

34. Julian's gonna take care of it all,

35. and so now I just have to focus on my stagette.

36. A man's coming over to our place tonight

37. to dance with his bum out.

38. We're gonna have a few drinks.

39. A little special entertainer

40. is gonna come over and dance for us.

41. And there's gonna be a little bit of partying,

42. just for the girls, you know what I'm saying?

43. We're just doing a little bit of drinking.

44. Uh, julian's gonna have a surprise stag party

45. for Ricky tonight.

46. And, uh, just working a buzz up.

47. I can't wait to get loaded with those guys tonight.

48. Yeah, man. It's gonna be, like, a huge party,

49. and there's gonna be lots of booze and liquor and free food.

50. And there's gonna be strippers, and that's gonna be awesome!

51. And ricky's gonna get drunk and puke

52. and end up in the drunk tank.

53. And later on, there's gonna be the wedding the next night, too.

54. And that's gonna have food and booze, too,

55. and that's gonna be awesome.

56. There's gonna be like a hundred people there.

57. And hopefully they'll all be ladies,

58. because it's all about ladies.

59. It's all about the ladies.

60. Yeah, man, candy will bring some of her friends.

61. She'll hook us up.

62. Let's go get some more beer.

63. Yeah, cool.

64. Sorry, but you don't have what we're looking for!

65. Yeah, I think Julian wants this more than anybody, you know?

66. What better way to get Lucy, Trinity, and Ricky off his back

67. so he can go off and have his new little relationship

68. than to marry them all off to each other?

69. I think it's a great plan.

70. The thing is, it's amazing,

71. it's scary how much we have in common.

72. We've been spending a lot of free time together.

73. It's great. He's awesome.

74. Baby, what are you doing?

75. I'm washing the truck.

76. You don't got to be washing my truck.

77. I like washing the truck.

78. Cory and Trevor — I'll get them dicks to do it.

79. Come on.

80. Okay.

81. Stop playing. Get down here.

82. Okay!

83. Julian finally called me.

84. I guess he's basically taken care of everything.

85. He's got all the — he's got a bunch of food and stuff,

86. a couple barbecues, his music.

87. You gonna answer that?

88. It's Lucy.

89. Hi, Julian. It's Trinity. I love you.

90. That little girl thinks the world of you.

91. You're like a second dad to her.

92. Yeah, she's a little angel.

93. I just wish her mother would stop driving me crazy

94. with all this wedding shit.

95. It's — I don't know. I just want to be left alone.

96. Yeah, I don't know if you want to be left alone, Julian.

97. Just make sure you don't fuck around on Trinity.

98. Make sure you're there for her, because...

99. I know what it's like if...

100. Parents fuckin'...

101. Fuckin' leave on you, you know what I mean?

102. One day they're there, and...

103. You wake up and you're all by your fucking self!

104. For the rest of your fucking life!

105. Living in a fucking shed

106. and wondering what the fuck happened to your parents.

107. You okay, buddy?

108. Yeah, I'm fine.

109. When I think about it, it kind of pisses me off.

110. Like, I can plan my own wedding.

111. I'm not a total, complete idiot, all right?

112. And if Julian thinks that he needs to babysit me

113. like a little 2-year-old kid or whatever, he doesn't.

114. I'm not stupid. I can plan my own wedding,

115. Julian, if you're watching this shit.

116. Sorry, sweetie. I forgot I had a cigarette in my mouth.

117. Julian, it's Lucy.

118. I got your message, finally. Thanks for calling so fast.

119. Anyway, listen, don't give me that bullshit

120. about not having any money for food.

121. Like, if there's no food, there's no wedding.

122. And I don't care how you get it.

123. And don't get those processed hot dogs.

124. Get the all-beef kind.

125. You know, if not for me, then can you do it for trin?

126. I really thought you'd be able to help me out with this,

127. and could you just call me back?

128. Robberies are simple. It's all about firepower.

129. If you have enough guns, it scares people.

130. They freeze up, and they won't try to stop you.

131. You know, in and out in two minutes.

132. This is gonna be a professional job.

133. Listen up, boys.

134. We need a truck.

135. Why? You got one.

136. Oh, that's pretty smart, Cory.

137. My truck, my license plate — me back in jail.

138. That's real smart!

139. We'll just Jack one from the strip club.

140. There's always trucks there.

141. There you go. Smart one, trev.

142. I can take care of all the shopping carts.

143. Checking over the carts for tonight.

144. Have to be perfect, can't be fucked up.

145. First thing that can go on them is the wheels.

146. That there one's no fucking good.

147. Bearings are gone.

148. Might as well get rid of her right now.

149. That's a keeper.

150. That's a keeper. Everything has to be perfect.

151. I can't let the boys down tonight.

152. That's my specialty.

153. I'm not stupid.

154. You know, even though people

155. sometimes say that I am, I'm not.

156. And I know those guys have been meeting secretly

157. without me all week, but to hell with those guys.

158. Let's go.

159. Open the fucking door or I'm burning the trailer down.

160. Open up! I know you're in there!

161. How's it going, Ricky?

162. Some best man you turned out to be, you dick.

163. Anyway, don't worry about it.

164. I'm gonna find a new best man. Is bubbles home?

165. - Surprise! -Surprise! -Surprise! - Surprise!

166. What's going on here?

167. It's your stag party, you cranky bastard.

168. You guys had me all fucked up.

169. Get that into you, Rick, get you all fucked up.

170. What is it?

171. - Come on, stag boy! - Swish, brother!

172. Yeah, knock her back! Come on.

173. - Come on. - Come on.

174. Stag, dude.

175. Yeah! Right on.

176. Puts hair on your chest, man. Come on!

177. I got to take a leak. Someone mix me another drink.

178. Yeah, I will.

179. I told you guys not to drink!

180. If you don't concentrate on getting Ricky drunk tonight,

181. you're gonna fuck up the entire robbery.

182. Understand me?

183. - Okay. - That's cool.

184. Smarten up!

185. Right on, boys.

186. This is awesome. I wasn't expecting this!

187. - There you go. - Thanks, Levi.

188. Anybody else wants a drink?

189. - No. We're cool. - No, we're cool.

190. Say what?

191. - You guys are wack. - It's your night, dude.

192. - Cheers, guys! - Yeah.

193. Drink up, buddy.

194. Here you go, Rick. Get it in you, come on, buddy.

195. So what's the plan for tonight?

196. Lots of drinks and lots of strippers.

197. - No way! Strippers? - Come on.

198. To Ricky! Ricky! To Ricky!

199. Okay, boys.

200. - To Ricky. - Come on, Rick.

201. To my boy who's getting married.

202. Toast with your dad, come on.

203. - I love you guys. - Come on, buddy.

204. I love you — I love you, dad.

205. Yeah, I love you, boy!

206. Another tray of shooters, please.

207. I can't fucking hold him! I can't hold him!

208. Watch out! Watch out!

209. Shut that thing off!

210. I can't steal a minivan!

211. Get something, Trevor!

212. Bingo!

213. Yeah! Get this one.

214. Open the back window!

215. Can you get Rick?

216. - Hurry up! - Come on.

217. - Get him in. - Hurry up!

218. - Get him. - Come on!

219. Holy fuck! Where's the smokes, you guys?

220. He's out for the night!

221. How's Ricky?

222. He's gone, dude. He's asleep.

223. All right, guns loaded?

224. Guns loaded!

225. - Masks on? - Check.

226. All right, 2 minutes, guys. No mistakes.

227. Let's do it!

228. Everybody down! Now!

229. This is a robbery!

230. Everyone keep calm!

231. We don't want your money and we don't want to hurt anybody.

232. We just want some food!

233. Stop fucking around! Get in position!

234. Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

235. This is gonna be the best wedding ever, dude.

236. - It's gonna be sick! - So cool.

237. What the fuck are you getting so many bananas for, dude?

238. Good job.

239. Get the corkscrews and shit, man!

240. People are gonna be drinking and everything.

241. Why are you always telling me what to do?

242. Because you only put bananas in the cart, dude!

243. We don't want any bananas at the wedding!

244. No one eats bananas at a wedding.

245. Can I get some smokes?

246. Hands up!

247. Holy Jesus!

248. What the fuck are they doing?

249. Put the gun down!

250. It's us! It's us! It's us!

251. Julian!

252. Stop shooting, you dicks!

253. What the fuck's going on here?

254. I just came in here for smokes.

255. What the hell is going on?

256. Sorry, dude. Man, I didn't know.

257. You're stupid! You're stupid!

258. - You're a fucking idiot! - My fucking gun's broke!

259. You could've killed me over there!

260. - It's broken. - What the fuck?

261. Ricky, shut up!

262. Ricky!

263. Oh, for fuck's sakes!

264. Let's go! Let's go! Everybody out!

265. Out of the way, dudes!

266. Ah, shit!

267. What the fuck?

268. Get in the truck, Ricky!

269. - Come on, move it! - Come on, boys!

270. Hurry!

271. What's with all these fucking bananas?

272. - I told him, dude. - Fuck off, Ricky.

273. - Get in the truck! - People like bananas!

274. - Good job, boys. - Have to get the cart in!

275. Fuck off with the cart, bubbles!

276. Come on! I'm not leaving this fucking cart!

277. Bubbles, leave the cart!

278. - Get in the fucking truck! - Come on!

279. Get in! -Jesus Christ! -Come on!

280. You know, I may not have done all the right stuff in my life

281. or done smart stuff, but, guys,

282. and maybe I shouldn't be commenting here,

283. but that was pretty fucking dumb, all right!

284. You're robbing a fucking grocery store.

285. You didn't even tell me!

286. I'm fucking on videotape now, firing handguns with no mask on!

287. You guys are fucking dumb!

288. Ricky, would you calm down?

289. No, I'm not gonna calm down, Julian!

290. Calm down!

291. I'm pissed off! I'm pissed off at you!

292. And especially you two dicks!

293. You guys are really fucking stupid!

294. Ricky.

295. I'm sorry, man, but you were shooting at us, too.

296. - I'm drunk! I'm really drunk! - Listen, Ricky.

297. - And I don't need this shit! - Ricky, would you —

298. I'm getting married tomorrow!

299. Would you shut up! Everything's gonna be cool!

300. Trust me!

301. Can everyone just please stop it?

302. Oh, look, you're making bubbles cry, Ricky!

303. - Just shut up! - I'm sorry, all right?

304. I'm just — I'm drunk. I'm worked up.

305. Last night was a fucking nightmare,

306. but, you know, nobody got shot, so...

307. I'm just waiting for candy. Oh, here she comes now.

308. You better chill before you get knocked out!

309. Chill!

310. Anyway, I got a big surprise for her.

311. She's gonna freak out.

312. I'm nervous.

313. Who's that?

314. Oh, my god!

315. It's beautiful!

316. Yeah, you think so?

317. It's like a castle!

318. I know. So what do you think?

319. What do I think?

320. - Yeah. - What?

321. You want to move in with me? I'm buying it.

322. - Really? - Hell, yeah.

323. I'd love to move in with you, sweetie.

324. - You sure? - Yeah.

325. I got this on-camera, you know,

326. in case you want to change your mind.

327. - Unh-unh. - No?

328. - Unh-unh. - No?

329. Guys, you want to get this on tape?

330. I mean, this is what life's all about.

331. You know, it doesn't get any better than this,

332. and, you know, after today, we're gonna be a legal family.

333. It's gonna be pretty cool.

334. It's gonna be on paper and everything.

335. There's something I want to tell you girls, all right?

336. I love you both with my whole heart.

337. Who the fuck is that dick?

338. You expecting anyone?

339. No, I'm not expecting anyone. You expecting anyone?

340. What do you want? Who the hell are you?

341. Hello, Rick.

342. How the fuck do you know my name?

343. Just relax, Rick.

344. Just wondering if you know anything about any of the stuff

345. that's been going down around here lately.

346. What stuff?

347. I don't know. You tell me.

348. Why would I know anything

349. about anything going around around here?

350. You sure? You wouldn't be lying to me, would you, Rick?

351. Why would I lie to you?

352. Tell you what, Rick.

353. You take that.

354. If you find yourself you might remember something

355. that you forgot to tell me, you can give me a call.

356. I'm having a flashback right now, actually,

357. about something I wanted to tell you.

358. Just — I wrote it down, I think.

359. Yeah, there it is! Copy right there for you.

360. Very nice.

361. You know what that means?

362. It means fuck off.

363. We'll see you soon, Rick.

364. What do you mean by that?

365. Precisely what I said. That's why I chose the words.

366. Today's a very special day.

367. Ricky's wedding day.

368. I'm going to give him a special... Wedding present,

369. hand-delivered personally.

370. I figure that there's probably gonna be

371. at least a hundred people that are gonna be coming to the park.

372. I mean, they're probably gonna be all drunk

373. and stoned and everything.

374. We're gonna have to make sure

375. that things don't get out of control, Mr. lahey.

376. We're gonna see the best collection of losers

377. this park's seen for many a year.

378. Loser convention.

379. Man! That suit looks dope!

380. Thanks.

381. - Right on. - You look really good, too.

382. What's wrong?

383. I'm probably just being stupid,

384. but have you seen that dick driving around the park?

385. Yeah.

386. Yeah, well, he's an undercover cop, I'll tell you that.

387. So, you're afraid of some cop?

388. Yeah, I am afraid of this cop, because he's intense.

389. Like a frog running along the highway,

390. eventually some car is gonna hit you, and this is the fucking car.

391. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, you're just paranoid.

392. Come on, now, don't worry about this stuff.

393. Yeah, you're probably right. I'm just —

394. I can't go back to jail, Julian, all right?

395. That stuff that happened there fucked me up.

396. I still think about it every fucking day.

397. And the biggest thing is, like, I can't go back to jail alone.

398. Because I can't look after myself in there.

399. - You know what I'm saying? - I know what you're saying.

400. But don't worry. You're not going back to jail, all right?

401. You're not going back to jail. I'm not going back to jail.

402. It wasn't my idea to Rob that store, Julian.

403. I know. Listen. Listen, look at me.

404. I promise you — you're not gonna go back to jail.

405. Ooh!

406. Oh, my!

407. My, my, my.

408. She is beautiful!

409. So, you're all dressed up today.

410. Yeah, got my tuxedo on.

411. Hey, maybe you can fix my tie for me.

412. Yeah. Why don't I?

413. Tricked you! It's not even real!

414. 150 bucks for one of those real fuckers.

415. This is dope, right, dude?

416. I wish Rick and Lucy all the best.

417. 'Cause I know they're in love

418. and they're not all hung up on past people

419. that they went out with in the past.

420. By that I mean people that they slept with

421. before they got together with each other,

422. and I don't mean Julian by that — ow!

423. Chill, man!

424. Fuck! You didn't have to hit me, you dick!

425. This is like their wedding video and shit, man.

426. - You got to have more respect than that. - I didn't mean anything by it.

427. Come on, man. This is gonna be on their tape.

428. Now they're gonna be seeing everything.

429. We look like dicks. Nice one!

430. Hi.

431. On behalf of the bride and groom,

432. I'd like to thank everyone for their support

433. on this very special day.

434. And instead of the traditional vows,

435. the bride and the groom have decided to write their own.

436. I, Lucy, promise to love you and respect you

437. and be truthful for you as long as I live.

438. I, Richard, promise to love

439. and to not break the law as much as I used to.

440. I promise to be a good father to my child

441. and to not swear anymore or as much as I do in public places.

442. And I promise to love you as much as I can

443. and as often as I can, under the circumstances.

444. Well, I think we should have the rings.

445. You got the rings? Oh, can you hold this?

446. Thanks.

447. Okay.

448. What goes on here now?

449. Um...

450. Here, okay.

451. Do you, Lucy, take Ricky to...

452. Oh, for fuck's sakes!

453. Trevor and Cory, these guys are here for you, I guess.

454. Hands on your head.

455. What's this bullshit?

456. How could you do this?

457. I didn't do anything!

458. - Hands on your head. - What the fuck's going on here?

459. Hands on your head, Rick.

460. Oh, man, I'm pissed off now!

461. Jesus Christ, I'm trying to get fucking married here!

462. Holy fuck!

463. Oh, for fuck's sakes! I can't believe this shit!

464. Julian, look at this shit! My wedding's all fucked up!

465. Get off!

466. - This is bullshit! - Ah, ray.

467. Julian, what the fuck's going on here?

468. This isn't my fault.

469. There's a lot more people here that are guiltier than I am,

470. Trevor and Cory!

471. I'm going back to jail here!

472. Down on the ground now!

473. Drop the gun! Let's go! Drop the gun!

474. Hands behind your back!

475. What in the fuck?

476. Julian! I'll see you in a couple hours, man.

477. We got to work this shit out.

478. Everybody stay here.

479. The wedding will continue in about a couple hours.

480. Move on, Ricky! -Just gonna go take care of a couple things here.

481. Let's get real!

482. I love you, dad!

483. - What the fuck? - Love you, buddy!

484. What just happened here?

485. Fuck off, lahey!

486. I want to make a citizen's arrest on this guy.

487. Julian!

488. You let him go!

489. I want to arrest everyone here

490. because everyone's breaking the law more than I am.

491. There's illegal —

492. there's illegal procedures going on here!

493. I want this fucking camera crew arrested!

494. I want you arrested for this.

495. I want that sound man arrested!

496. - I want everyone arrested! - Thank you very much.

497. Lahey, you're fucking going down for this, you jackass! -Everybody put the liquor away.

498. Put out the cigarettes. Let's pack it up!

499. - I'm pissed off over here! - See you again in 8 to 10,

500. if he's lucky.

501. Nobody go anywhere, all right?

502. You fuck off!

503. For the first couple weeks that I came back to jail,

504. I was still pissed off because, you know,

505. they used all this documentary footage against us

506. to convict us,

507. and I was pissed off about the whole courtroom scene.

508. And I shouldn't have defended myself.

509. I know that now.

510. And for the first two weeks in jail, I basically partied.

511. I did a lot of drugs, and I was getting drunk,

512. and now I realize that, you know, it's —

513. you got to try to stay away from all that stuff in here.

514. And basically, if you're gonna be in here,

515. you may as well use the time to get smarter.

516. I learned about relationships,

517. how it's probably a good thing to take a break

518. once in a while from your relationship.

519. 'Cause then when the break's over, it's, uh —

520. it's like — it's stronger, I guess.

521. So as far as Lucy and Trinity goes, that's probably good.

522. Taking a break from dope is even a good kind of a break,

523. because then, when you smoke dope again,

524. you get a lot more fucked up.

525. What ricky's talking about is the power of positive thinking.

526. Now, I've been doing a lot of reading in here about that,

527. and I've learned to take a negative situation

528. and turn it into a positive one,

529. and I've been telling Ricky all about it, and —

530. exactly, it's all in how you look at it.

531. I mean, you can pretend you're in jail, or —

532. right now, I'm pretending that I'm in university.

533. If you look at jail in a positive manner,

534. I mean, you eat three times a day, okay.

535. You have a schedule. You follow that schedule.

536. You have a lot of time to yourself to read,

537. to reflect on life, and hang out with your friends.

538. I'm glad I went to jail,

539. and the only thing that I really miss

540. is probably having regular, you know, dope all the time,

541. getting drunk regularly, and I miss Lucy and Trinity,

542. but other than that, I fucking love being in jail.

543. Positive thinking, Ricky.

544. 45 days, buddy.

545. It's easy.

546. Sloppy Joes tomorrow!

547. Oh, yeah, it's Thursday. Right on.

548. We'll be okay.