Tosh.0 2x3

1. - OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

2. WELCOME TO TOSH.0.

3. TODAY WE HAVE A WHALE OF A SHOW FOR YOU.

4. THAT'S THE FIRST PUN.

5. COMING UP, THE RISKY BUSINESS GIRL

6. STOPS BY FOR A WEB REDEMPTION...

7. I GET MY FIRST TATTOO,

8. AND WE SHOW YOU ABOVE-AVERAGE GIRLS

9. MAKING ANIMAL NOISES.

10. ALL RIGHT, LET'S HEAD BACK TO THAT SEA WORLD BACHELOR PARTY.

11. AND HE STILL WON'T EAT DOLPHIN-SAFE TUNA.

12. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT'S NOT HIS ONLY VIDEO.

13. WHO HASN'T SPENT HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS

14. MODIFYING POOL TOYS SO THEY CAN HAVE A FAKE GANG BANG?

15. I ENJOYED WATCHING THAT VIDEO SO MUCH,

16. I DECIDED TO JOIN HIM NEXT TIME HE THREW A PARTY.

17. - TOSH, PLUS ONE.

18. COME ON. DON'T BE SHY.

19. THAT PARTY WAS SO EMBARRASSING.

20. I CHUMMED IN LIKE TWO SECONDS.

21. NOTHING STINGS MORE OR MAKES ME LAUGH HARDER

22. THAN WATCHING A GOOD BELLY FLOP.

23. STOP SMOKING WEED, MICHAEL PHELPS.

24. THIS IS STILL WAY MORE FUN TO WATCH

25. THAN ANY EVENT IN THE WINTER OLYMPICS.

26. THAT'S THE WORST FLOP I'VE SEEN SINCE THE LOVELY BONES.

27. GOOD LORD, MARKY MARK WAS HORRIBLE IN THAT.

28. ALL RIGHT. THAT IS A GREAT VIDEO.

29. BUT NOBODY OUT-REDNECKS THE GREAT STATE OF AMERICA.

30. LOOKS LIKE THE DUKE BOYS BUILT A RAMP IN THE WOODS.

31. AND BEFORE ANY GOOD STUNT THAT INVOLVES DRIVING A CAR,

32. YOU GOTTA MAKE SURE YOU'RE DRUNK.

33. LEGEND HAS IT,

34. THAT'S JUST HOW WHITE TRASH GETS TO HEAVEN.

35. - FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS,

36. I DON'T THINK THAT JUMP WAS PLANNED.

37. - YEAH!

38. HOLY!

39. HOLY!

40. HOLY!

41. - HE TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUTTA MY MOUTH.

42. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT WORKED OUT.

43. TRY THAT IN YOUR PRIUS, YOU TREE-HUGGERS.

44. I MISS BO AND LUKE. ALL RIGHT.

45. LET'S SEE SOME REAL HORSEPOWER.

46. - AAH!

47. POINT, BARBARO.

48. RELAX. I'VE SEEN VIDEOS OF HORSES

49. DOING WAY WORSE STUFF TO GIRLS ONLINE.

50. THAT'S WHY WOMEN CAN'T BE JOCKEYS.

51. HORSES DON'T LIKE THEM.

52. IT'S ALL THEIR NAGGING.

53. HUH?

54. I'M GONNA GET YOU DRUNK!

55. ALL RIGHT, I PROMISE THIS NEXT VIDEO IS ADORABLE.

56. OH, HOW SLUTTY IS BABY?

57. SHE'S JUST DOING THIS

58. TO HELP PAY HER WAY THROUGH PRESCHOOL.

59. LET'S SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS

60. WE CAN POST IN 20 SECONDS.

61. STRIP CLUB LIGHTING WOULD DO A LOT FOR HER BABY FAT.

62. ALL THE SINGLE BABIES!

63. I CAN'T SING ANYMORE.

64. YOU'D DANCE LIKE THAT, TOO,

65. IF YOU DIAPER WAS FILLED WITH POOP.

66. THE WORLD'S YOUNGEST PERSON WITH A PRESCRIPTION TO VALTREX.

67. FOR HERPES.

68. THERE'S NO SEX IN THE JUICE BOX ROOM.

69. I GOT ONE MORE.

70. IF SHE TINKLES ON YOU, IT COSTS EXTRA.

71. I DIDN'T GET IT IN ON TIME, THOUGH.

72. ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S NEXT?

73. - GET UP, GET UP, GET UP, GET UP, GET UP, GET UP.

74. YEAH, THERE IT IS.

75. NICE! - AAH!

76. HO HO HO HO!

77. - HE SHOULDA HAD A V8.

78. ALL RIGHT, TAKE A BREATHER.

79. LET'S RE-RACK 'EM IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

80. MM.

81. MAGNUS VERN MAGNUSON

82. IS GOING FOR A 329-POUND DEAD LIFT.

83. AND FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH WEIGHT LIFTING,

84. THAT'S NOT VERY MUCH.

85. AND OF COURSE HE'S TAPING IT

86. SO HE CAN BRAG TO ALL HIS COWORKERS AT JAMBA JUICE.

87. STRETCHING'S FOR PUSSIES.

88. LET'S GET RID OF THOSE BITCH TITS.

89. ALL RIGHT, HIS FEET ARE SHOULDER-WIDTH APART.

90. THAT IS A GOOD START.

91. GOING WITH THE CLEAN AND JERK GRIP

92. AS OPPOSED TO THE PROPER DEAD LIFT GRIP.

93. THAT'S GONNA COME BACK AND HAUNT HIM.

94. - GET UP. GET UP.

95. - OKAY, IT APPEARS THAT HE HAS HIMSELF HERE.

96. ALSO, HE SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE A WEIGHT BELT

97. OR GLOVES OR MUSCLES OR SOMETHING BETTER

98. TO DO ON A SATURDAY.

99. HE FORGETS EVERYTHING HE LEARNED

100. ABOUT LIFTING WITH THE LEGS AND GOES ALL BACK.

101. NOW LOCK IT OUT.

102. OH, HE GOT IT.

103. HE MUST HAVE JUST READ THE SECRET.

104. OR HAD A GALLON OF MUSCLE MILK.

105. LIFE DOES NOT GET ANY SWEETER THAN THIS.

106. - OH, THAT IS A SCREAM OF A CHAMPION.

107. YOU ARE AN ANIMAL, SIR.

108. THIS GUY IS READY TO THROW KEGS OVER A WALL

109. ON ESPN THE DEUCE.

110. DON'T BREATHE YET.

111. GOING RIGHT FOR CIRCUIT TRAINING.

112. MAGNUS FALLS HARDER THAN TARA REID'S CAREER.

113. HE ENDED UP WHERE HE SHOULD HAVE STARTED TO BEGIN WITH.

114. THE FIVE-POUND FREE WEIGHTS.

115. HOPE YOU LIKE PROTEIN SHAKES,

116. BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE DRINKING OUT OF A STRAW

117. FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS.

118. OH, HE'S DOING THE STANKY LEG.

119. TWITCHING IS A GOOD SIGN.

120. NO, HE'S NOT DEAD.

121. HE'S ONLY HAVING A STROKE.

122. ALL RIGHT, SOMEBODY WAKE HIM UP

123. SO WE CAN WIPE ALL THE SWEAT AND SKULL FRAGMENTS

124. OFF THE EQUIPMENT.

125. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR STRUTTING

126. AFTER A ONE-REP WORKOUT.

127. AT LEAST HE DIDN'T HAVE A PRETTY FACE TO BEGIN WITH.

128. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF THAT HAPPENED TO ME?

129. OH, NOW THAT WOULD BE A TRAGEDY.

130. LUCKILY HIS BUDDY WAS FILMING

131. INSTEAD OF SPOTTING HIM AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.

132. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK TO GIVE

133. THE RISKY BUSINESS GIRLS A WEB REDEMPTION,

134. BUT FIRST, LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR FAVORITE DEMOGRAPHIC,

135. THE STONERS.

136. HERE'S ANOTHER GREAT "HIGHDEA."

137. - THAT REALLY IS RISKY BUSINESS,

138. BECAUSE THOSE UNDERAGE GIRLS ARE IN THEIR PANTIES.

139. THEY JUST STRIP DOWN, THROW ON THEIR DAD'S DRESS SHIRTS,

140. AND PAY TRIBUTE TO THE MOST IMPORTANT ACTOR

141. OF THIS OR ANY GENERATION, TOM CRUISE.

142. AND FOR GOOD REASON.

143. HE'S GOT LOTS OF MONEY, FAME,

144. ONE OF THE BEST WIVES YOU COULD HOPE TO KIDNAP,

145. AND GORGEOUS HAIR.

146. HE'S ALMOST 50 AND HE STILL LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME.

147. WHO ELSE CAN YOU SAY THAT ABOUT?

148. NOT ICEMAN.

149. HE LOOKS MORE LIKE CHAZ BONO.

150. DUSTIN HOFFMAN GOT ALL THE CREDIT IN RAIN MAN.

151. IT'S NOT TOM'S FAULT HE'S TOO GOOD-LOOKING

152. TO PLAY A.

153. YEAH, I CAN'T SAY, BUT I JUST DID.

154. A, A, A.

155. BEEP IT ALL.

156. GOOD LUCK FIGURING OUT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

157. AND IF YOU DON'T RESPECT HIS MOVIES,

158. AT LEAST RESPECT THE WAY HE TOOK

159. THAT BROOKE SHIELDS DOWN A PEG.

160. POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION.

161. MORE LIKE BITCHES BEING BITCHES.

162. MOMS, YOU GET MATERNITY LEAVE.

163. I THINK THAT'S PLENTY.

164. TOM'S A BRAND.

165. THE TRADEMARK SMILE, THE UNCOMFORTABLE LAUGH

166. THAT GOES ON TOO LONG, THE UNIBROW.

167. AND IT'S EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE WHEN YOU CONSIDER

168. THAT HE'S BARELY FIVE-FEET TALL.

169. TALK ABOUT YOUR ACTING CHOPS.

170. THAT GUY MADE US BELIEVE THAT RENEE ZELLWEGGER WAS DOABLE.

171. WHO CARES IF HIS RELIGION IS LOOSELY BASED

172. ON THE TV SHOW ALF?

173. TOM IS AN OPERATING THETAN LEVEL THREE.

174. LIKE SCIENTOLOGY OR NOT, THAT IS IMPRESSIVE.

175. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE TO HAVE TO GET THAT?

176. UH, IT'S A LOT.

177. SO WHAT IF THEY BELIEVE THAT AN ALIEN NAMED XENU

178. CAME TO EARTH, LANDED IN A VOLCANO,

179. BLEW UP, AND SCATTERED PIECES OF HIMSELF

180. ALL OVER THE PLANET.

181. THAT'S NO HARDER TO BELIEVE IN THAN A BEARDED MAN

182. WHO LIVES IN THE SKY AND GRANTS WISHES.

183. CAN I GET AN "AMEN"?

184. AMEN!

185. - TOM HAS ALWAYS BEEN INSANE.

186. WE JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT UNTIL HE STARTED CROWING

187. ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LOVES JAMES VAN DER BEEK'S SLOPPY SECONDS.

188. AND NOTICE I HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED

189. THAT SOME PEOPLE THINK TOM ENJOYS MAN-ASS.

190. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, ROB THOMAS.

191. BECAUSE IF YOU EVEN HINT THAT TOM MIGHT BE GAY,

192. HE WILL SUE YOU INTO THIRD-WORLD POVERTY.

193. WHO CARES?

194. HE STILL DESERVES OUR RESPECT.

195. SO WE ASKED FANNY AND CAITLIN TO TAKE THEIR PANTS OFF

196. AND ENTER THE DANGER ZONE IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

197. I'M HERE WITH CAITLIN AND FANNY.

198. HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD.

199. - WHICH ONE OF YOU FELL? - ME.

200. - DID YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL? - NO.

201. - HOW DID YOU SLIDE IN BARE FEET?

202. - WE OILED THE FLOOR. - OIL?

203. - WITH MURPHY'S OIL SOAP. - MURPHY'S OIL SOAP.

204. - IS THAT A PLUG?

205. ARE YOU SPONSORED BY MURPHY'S OIL SOAP?

206. - NO, BUT WE SHOULD BE.

207. - SO YOU SOAPED THE FLOOR?

208. - YEAH. - AND THEN WE PUT WATER ON IT.

209. - YEAH, DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN JUST WEAR SOCKS

210. AND SLIDE ON THE FLOOR?

211. - WE TRIED THAT. IT WAS NOT GOING WELL.

212. - SLIPPERY ENOUGH.

213. - YEAH, WE WANTED TO MAKE IT SO INTENSE

214. THAT IT WOULD JUST BE THE BEST SLIDE EVER.

215. - THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BOTH PARENTS WORK.

216. - DANIEL, DO YOU GUYS WANT ANYTHING?

217. - NO, MOM!

218. GET OUT! PLEASE!

219. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.

220. - ARE YOU TRAINED IN THE MEDICAL FIELD?

221. BECAUSE YOUR INSTINCTS TO IMMEDIATELY

222. GRAB A TOWEL AND HAVE HER LIE ON IT

223. SEEMED SPOT-ON.

224. - I'M NOT TRAINED, NOR WILL I BE.

225. - WHY WERE YOU TELLING HER TO LAY ON A TOWEL?

226. - BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO COMFORT HER

227. AND IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING.

228. - HAD YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE RISKY BUSINESS?

229. - NO. - NO.

230. - DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ABOUT A BROTHEL?

231. - A WHAT? - WHAT?

232. - A WHOREHOUSE.

233. - NO. - NO.

234. - WHAT WAS THE FEEDBACK THAT YOU RECEIVED?

235. - FROM THE VIDEO? - NO.

236. FROM YOUR LAST REPORT RD.

237. - UM, MOSTLY PEDOPHILES.

238. - SERIOUSLY?

239. - IT WAS SO CREEPY.

240. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU CAN THINK

241. OF THAT CREEPY OF THINGS.

242. - ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE WROTE?

243. LIKE, THEIR COMMENTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT?

244. - YEAH. - YEAH.

245. - DO YOU THINK TOM CRUISE IS GAY?

246. - [dubbed voice-over] NO, I DO NOT.

247. - THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THAT TOM CRUISE IS GAY.

248. - IF I WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL WITH YOU,

249. DO YOU THINK WE WOULD BE FRIENDS?

250. - YOU'RE KIND OF THAT WEIRD KID THAT SITS IN THE CORNER...

251. - EXCUSE ME?

252. - THAT NOBODY TALKS TO.

253. - I'M GLAD YOU FELL.

254. - NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.

255. I'D BE FRIENDS WITH YOU.

256. - THANK YOU. - YEAH.

257. - AND I WOULD BE THAT WEIRD GUY IN THE CORNER.

258. - LET'S PRACTICE SLIDING.

259. I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING THAT WILL REALLY HELP US.

260. MOM!

261. - GO. GET SLIDING.

262. - ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE—

263. - JUST GO.

264. - YEAH.

265. - FASTER.

266. - YEAH, CAITLIN.

267. - OKAY, NOW SWITCH.

268. GO TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S.

269. I'M GIDDY. I'M GIDDY.

270. I'M GIDDY. I'M GIDDY.

271. I'M GIDDY.

272. THAT WAS A GREAT WORKOUT. SLIDING'S NOT ENOUGH THOUGH.

273. WE WANT YOU TO RECREATE ALL OF TOM CRUISE'S MOVIES.

274. ARE YOU UP FOR THE CHALLENGE?

275. - I'M SO UP FOR IT. - YEAH.

276. - WELL, THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW.

277. ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

278. YEAH. - OKAY.

279. LET'S GO.

280. - DO THIS. - WOO-HOO.

281. - THIS HOUSE.

282. - DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?

283. - YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

284. - "CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH."

285. I GOT THAT.

286. THAT IS A GOOD LINE.

287. - YOU... COMPLETE ME.

288. - YOU HAD ME AT "HELLO."

289. - DID YOU KNOW THE HUMAN HEAD WEIGHS OVER EIGHT POUNDS?

290. GOD, I'VE AGED HORRIBLY.

291. - YOU CAN BE MY WINGMAN ANYTIME.

292. - YEAH.

293. - OOH, YOU BEAT ME IN VOLLEYBALL.

294. MAYBE IF YOU SPENT A LITTLE MORE TIME TRAINING,

295. GOOSE-MAN WOULDN'T DIE IN THE NEXT SCENE.

296. - COME ON!

297. - RUBBIN'S RACIN'.

298. - YOU GUYS ARE AWFULLY COMPETITIVE

299. FOR BEING THREE LAPS DOWN.

300. GET OUT OF THE WAY.

301. GREAT!

302. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 30-MINUTE SHOW,

303. BUT I ORDERED TWO BEERS.

304. GOD, THIS BAR IS AWFUL.

305. HOW OLD ARE YOU?

306. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? THE FRONT DOOR'S OPEN.

307. I TURNED THE POWER OFF.

308. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE ALARM.

309. YOU WANT A BAGEL?

310. - AH!

311. OH, TOM!

312. I AM SO SORRY, BUDDY.

313. OH, LET ME HELP YOU UP.

314. HOLY COW.

315. TALK ABOUT YOUR TOP GUN.

316. "SHE'S 15."

317. THAT WAS MY MANTRA DURING THE ENTIRE TAPING OF THAT.

318. NOW IT'S TIME FOR OUR SHIRTLESS POGO STUNT OF THE WEEK.

319. AWESOME.

320. - OH, THAT IS SWEET.

321. I HOPE THEY DON'T FALL OFF.

322. HE SHOULD HAVE GOT SOME CROAKIES TATTOOED ON.

323. AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, I HAVE ZERO TATTOOS,

324. SO I THOUGHT IT WAS TIME TO GET SOME INK.

325. DID IT HURT, YOUR FIRST TATTOO?

326. - YEAH.

327. - HOW OLD WERE YOU?

328. - 16.

329. - AHH.

330. I HAD A MOLE REMOVED ONCE.

331. AWW, THIS IS GONNA HURT.

332. I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T STARTED,

333. BUT IT'S THE ANTICIPATION THAT'S STARTING TO SCARE ME.

334. - THIS IS THE WORST PART.

335. - OH, IT'S COLD.

336. - THERE YOU GO.

337. - I LOVE IT. - THAT'S PRETTY HARDCORE.

338. THAT'S THE MEANEST TEMPORARY TATTOO I'VE EVER SEEN.

339. - IT DIDN'T HURT THAT BAD.

340. LIKE, I MEAN, LIKE, IT WAS COLD,

341. BUT AS FAR AS, LIKE, COLD TAP WATER GOES,

342. IT'S NOT THAT PAINFUL.

343. YEAH, IT'S A TEMPORARY TATTOO.

344. IT STILL STAYS ON FOR ABOUT A WEEK.

345. THAT'S A PRETTY LONG TIME IN HOLLYWOOD.

346. AND IT IS TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.

347. ONCE YOU GET A TATTOO, THEY BECOME VERY ADDICTING.

348. SO I GOT A SLEEVE.

349. YEAH. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?

350. WELL, WHY DON'T I JUST REMOVE

351. MY CASUAL JACKET!

352. HUH?

353. OH, YEAH.

354. AND THEY ALL HAVE SPECIAL MEANING TO ME.

355. LIKE, THIS STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE,

356. IT REMINDS ME OF MY NIECE.

357. IF I SCRATCH IT...

358. LIKE, IT SMELLS LIKE HER.

359. AND THESE ROSES.

360. EVERYONE KNOWS I LOVE THE BACHELOR.

361. AND I GOT THIS BUTTERFLY BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME

362. OF THIS BUTTERFLY.

363. OOH! ACTUALLY I HAVE ONE MORE.

364. I FORGOT TO SHOW YOU.

365. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY CRACKER JACK BOXES

366. IT TOOK TO GET ALL THOSE.

367. ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME FOR UNANSWERED QUESTIONS.

368. EVERY NOW AND THEN I COME ACROSS A CLIP

369. THAT RAISES WAY MORE QUESTIONS THAN IT ANSWERS.

370. THIS IS THE ENTIRE VIDEO.

371. WE HAVE NOT DOCTORED IT AT ALL.

372. - DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER.

373. BRUISES ONLY LAST A FEW WEEKS.

374. I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT VIDEO

375. ENDED A TAD ABRUPTLY.

376. AND THERE'S SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS.

377. FIRST OF ALL, HOW DID I GET MY JACKET ON SO FAST?

378. WHAT DISTRACTED HER?

379. HOW AWKWARD WAS THAT RECEPTION?

380. DID SHE HAVE A HISTORY OF BEING?

381. DID SHE HIT HIM BACK?

382. WAS SHE TRYING TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT?

383. DID THEY GET MARRIED?

384. WHERE ARE THEY GETTING MARRIED?

385. WHERE ARE THEY REGISTERED?

386. WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID THEY CHOOSE?

387. DID THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION RAISE THEIR HANDS

388. WHEN THE PRIEST ASKED, "DOES ANYONE OBJECT TO THIS MARRIAGE?"

389. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

390. THESE ARE JUST QUESTIONS, BUT I HAVE SOME THEORIES.

391. MAYBE SHE HAS A WEIRD DISEASE WHERE SHE NEEDS

392. TO BE YANKED EVERY FIVE MINUTES

393. OR SHE'LL SLIP INTO A COMA.

394. MAYBE SHE CHEATED ON HIM WITH MARCUS ALLEN.

395. OR MAYBE, JUST MAYBE— GOING OUT ON A LIMB HERE.

396. BUT MAYBE HER DOG WAS SICK AND SHE INSISTED

397. ON BRINGING HIM TO THE CEREMONY ANYWAY.

398. THEN THE DOG THREW UP ON A THROW PILLOW

399. THAT WAS KNITTED FOR HIM BY HIS GRANDMA

400. RIGHT BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY

401. AND THE RINGS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE PRESENTED ON IT

402. AND NOW THAT'S RUINED BECAUSE OF THE DAMN DOG.

403. THEN AGAIN, HE MIGHT JUST BE A HUGE A-HOLE.

404. THIS IS ALL SPECULATION.

405. AND THAT'S WHY WE PLAY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS.

406. FEEL FREE TO POST ANY OF YOUR THEORIES

407. AS TO WHAT YOU THINK HAPPENED ON OUR BLOG.

408. AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE, UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEO

409. FOR A CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK.

410. THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS FROM ONE OF OUR YOUNGEST VIEWERS,

411. TV MAXWELL.

412. - MAX, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR DINNER?

413. - JUSTICE.

414. - YOU MISSED A FEW BITES.

415. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF

416. THE SHOWBIZ SHOW WITH DAVID SPADE.

417. - WHAT'S UP?

418. YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT WIKIPEDIA?

419. ANY IDIOT CAN MAKE CHANGES TO IT.

420. FOR EXAMPLE, THIS IS WHAT I ADDED TO CONAN O'BRIEN'S PAGE.

421. FIVE YEARS?

422. YOU CAN HAVE IT NOW.

423. AS LONG AS I GET A PIECE OF THAT $45 MILLION

424. NBC IS PAYING YOU NOT TO BE ON TELEVISION.

425. I'LL EVEN LET YOU KEEP THE JERK-OFF BEAR.

426. AN HOUR AFTER I WROTE THAT, CONAN'S PEOPLE TOOK IT DOWN.

427. SO WHY DON'T YOU GO TO OUR TOSH.0

428. BORING WIKIPEDIA PAGE AND PUT WHATEVER CHANGES YOU WANT.

429. I'M NOT GONNA FIX IT.

430. WE'LL READ SOME OF OUR FAVORITES.

431. HEY, BE SURE YOU TUNE IN NEXT WEEK

432. WHEN WE GIVE THE FOOTBALL PLAYER

433. WHO TACKLED HIS OWN TEAMMATE A WEB REDEMPTION.

434. THAT'S GOOD FORM.

435. HEY, AND MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

436. SO WE CAN LIVE-CHAT DURING THE SHOW,

437. CHECK OUT MY TOUR SCHEDULE,

438. AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP UP WITH OUR DAILY BLOG

439. AT COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0.

440. AND FINALLY, I'LL STOP BEING SUCH A TEASE

441. AND GIVE YOU WHAT I PROMISED.

442. HERE'S ABOVE-AVERAGE GIRLS MAKING ANIMAL NOISES.

443. MOO.

444. - [imitating elephant trumpeting]

445. OKAY, WELL, BYE.

446. - I WANTED TO CALL THAT SEGMENT

447. HOT CHICKS MAKING ANIMAL NOISES,

448. BUT I COULD NOT DO THAT IN GOOD FAITH.

449. SO WE CALLED IT ABOVE-AVERAGE GIRLS

450. DOING ANIMAL NOISES AND QUITE FRANKLY,

451. THAT'S BEING A BIG GENEROUS.

452. THAT'S INTEGRITY.

453. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. GOOD NIGHT.

454. - OH, SO YOU BEAT ME IN VOLLEYBALL. BIG DEAL.

455. WHY DON'T YOU PRACTICE A LITTLE MORE ON THE—

456. IN THE SPACESHIP.

457. DID YOU SECRETLY WANT YOUR FRIEND TO FALL?

458. - NO, BUT, I MEAN, I'M HAPPY THAT SHE DID NOW.

459. - THANKS.

460. - WELL... AREN'T YOU HAPPY THAT YOU FELL NOW?

461. - YEAH. YEAH, I AM.

462. OH, I'M IN HEAVEN!

463. COME ON, TOM.

464. TOO MUCH, TOM. TOO MUCH.

465. RESPECT THE.