Tosh.0 2x14

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Web Redemption for the cartwheeling goalie; Amazon Amanda; Daniel gets iced. The redemption involves Hartford Hawks soccer goalkeeper Nenad Cudic[9] that features Brandi Chastain attempting to score on him. Cudic had achieved notoriety on November 11, 2009 in a shootout with the Stony Brook Seawolves when Cudic performed cartwheels to unsuccessfully distract his opponent in a game that Hartford lost. In the redemption Cudic blocks Chastain's kick.

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1. p> NO RUNNING!

2. WELCOME TO TOSH.0, THE SHOW THAT

3. ONLY MMKES FUN OF PEOPLE WHO

4. - pTRULY DESERVE IT..

5. TONIGHT ON THE SHOW, THE

6. - pA WEB REDEMPTION.

7. - pl INTRODUCE OU TO THE

8. STRONGEST, OST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

9. IN ALL OF THE AMAZOO.

10. AND I PUT AN END TO BBOS ICING

11. BROS.

12. NOW IF YOU PLEASE, TAKEEME BACK

13. TOOTHAT BEAUTIFUU POOL.

14. CANNONBBLL!

15. HE WENT WITH THE CAN OPENER.

16. PROBABLY TORE HIS GOOCH.

17. THIS VIIEO CONFIRMS TWO

18. WHITES CAN" JUMP,

19. SWIM. AKFULLY THEY CAN ALL

20. I'D SUGGEST WEARING SOME AQUU

21. SOME TRACTION.E.

22. p TRIED TO JUMM OVVR MY INFIIITY

23. POOL.

24. I AM O!

25. AH AH AH.

26. MO' MONEY, MO' PROBLEMS.

27. AA I RIGHT, PEEPLE WHO CAME TT A

28. FREE TAAING?

29. - pALRIGHT.

30. A GAME CALLED BROS ICIIG ROS.

31. THAT'S WHERE YOU HAND SOMEONE A

32. BOTTLE OF DISGUSTING SMIRROFF

33. pCE, AND THEY HAVE TO DRINK IT

34. ONNTHE SPOT.

35. YOU KIDDING MM?

36. p> ICE.

37. IIHOPP THAT" NOT FROM THE

38. MINI BAR.

39. THE MARK-UP IS HORRENDOUS.

40. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT'S THH

41. GAYEET THING YOU CAN DO ON YOUR

42. KNEES.

43. %

44. WELL, I FOUND UT THERE WAS A

45. WEBSITE THAT HAS A $300 BOUNTY

46. LET E TELL YA, TOO LATE.

47. SHHULD HAVE GONE WITH A

48. pANNON BALL.

49. FORRYOU.

50. >YOU UST OT ICED.

51. pRINK UU.

52. AH.

53. THAT WAS A FUN GAME WHILE IT

54. LASTED.

55. THEY DON'T MAKE ZIMA IN MERICA

56. ANYMORE.

57. plD YOU KNOW THAT?

58. YEAH.

59. THERE'SSNO ARGGIIG WITH THII

60. NEXT GUY.

61. %

62. AH, WHAT A POLIIE URDERER.

63. KNOCKED OUT ND TUCKED IN.

64. MUST BE A FULL SEEVICE STATION.

65. HE'S PROBABLY MAD ABOUT THE IL

66. SPILL OR THAT THEY'RE OOT OF

67. CHERRY SLUSHIES.

68. EITHER WAY, YOU BP.

69. - plT'S HARD TO MAKE RAPE AND

70. BESTIALITY LOOK ADOOABLE.

71. I SAAD "HARD," NOT "IMPOOSIBLE."

72. - p3

73. COME ON!

74. NO MEANS —

75. IF YYU'RE NOT INTO DOLPHINS, WHY

76. DDD YOU GET ONE TATTOOED ON YOURR

77. ANKLE, YOU TEASE.%

78. - pSOMEONE HAS A STINNY SMELLL TUNA

79. - pCCOTCH.

80. IMAGINN HOW BAD T MUST REEK ON

81. - pDRY LAND.

82. THAT DOLPPIN IS THE BEN

83. ROETHLISBERGGR OF THE SEA.

84. ALRIGHT, THAT VVIDO MADE ME

85. HORNY.

86. IS NOT QUITE AS SEXY.

87. OH, MAA! IN, MAN!

88. LEE'S PUT 200SECONDS ON THE

89. CLOCK AND MILK THOSE THINGS FFR

90. ALL THEY'REEWORTH.

91. WHY SO SERIOUS?S.

92. HEY ZEUU, UT SOME ONNOMS ON

93. THOSS THINNS.

94. - p

95. HEY FIDEL, ARE YOOU NIPPLES MADE

96. OF CIGARS?

97. HEY BUFF SANTA, IT MUST BE

98. FREEZIIG UP THERRE!

99. HEY GALIFFNAKIS, WHERE'S YOUR

100. THIS NEXT VIDEO COMESSFROM A

101. RECENT ALL-SSAR GAME.

102. ANYONE WANTTTO TELL THEM THE

103. BALL IS STILL LIVE!

104. YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN A TOUGH

105. LET'S BE HONEST, THIS ISS'T

106. BASKETBALL, BUT I APPLAUU OMEN

107. FOR STICKING WITH A SPORT THAT

108. THEY CLEARLY HAVE NO BUSINEES

109. PLAYING..

110. YEYY OMEN'S SPORTS!

111. WHAT'S NEXT?

112. DIDDTHAT CAR JUSS RETURN FROM

113. THE FUTURE, DOC?

114. 3

115. - pLETTS WATCH THIS GUYYS LIFE

116. FLASH EFORE HIS EYES II THIS

117. WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

118. ALRIIHT, FFRST OFF, THIS FOOTAGE

119. pS NOT IN BLACK ND WHITE.

120. THAT'S THE ACTTAL COLOR OF

121. EASTERN EUROPE.

122. EVEN THEIR RAINBOWS ARE BROWN

123. IT'S LIKE A BIG STTIN IN

124. THE SKY.

125. YOUNG MELOSH IS TAKING A

126. LEISURELY STROLL ALONG A BUSY

127. HIGHWAY IN HIS AVIATORR AND

128. TRACKSUUT.

129. THEY JUST GOT LICENSED TO ILL

130. OVER THERE.

131. p> CAR!

132. WORSE!

133. NOTTING LIKE ALMOSTTGETTING

134. DESTROYED BB A CAR TO GGT THE

135. BLOOD CIRCULATING.

136. LET'S SLOW IT DOWN AND LOOK AT

137. HII OVES.

138. HE JUKES RIGHT.

139. - p

140. HE JUST TRIED TO HEAD FAKE A

141. CAR?

142. THAT GUY'S GOT CAT-LIKE

143. pEFLEXES.

144. I WOULD HAVE JUUPED T LIKE OOE

145. DID IN THAT COMMEECIAL.

146. FINALLY THE CAR COMES TO A STOP.

147. I HOPE THAT DRIVER TOOK 15

148. MINUTTS TO SAVE 15% OR MORE ON

149. THEIR CAR INSURANCE.

150. I KNOW WHY HE CRASHED.

151. HE WAS DRIVING ROM THE

152. PASSENGER SEAT.

153. IS THAT LIAM NEESOO TRYING TO

154. RESCUE HIS DAUGHTER?

155. THIS HAPPENS ALL THH TIME OVER %

156. pHERE, SO MELOSH JJMPS BACK ON

157. THE SIDEWALK, STROLLS OFF TO HIS

158. MISERABLEEJOB.

159. I'M JUSS GLLD GOOGGE WIRED THE

160. ENTIRE WORLD ITH VIDEO CAMERAS,

161. AND FOR THAT WE THANK YOO.

162. pARTWHEELIIG GOALIE'S WEB HH %%-

163. REDEMPTION, BUT FIRST IT'SSOUR

164. E WEEK.

165. ! 3

166. SO IT'S OVER.

167. WE AN GO HOME NOW?

168. NENAD THOUGHT A CARTTHEEL PSYCHE

169. GOAL, UT NOTHING CAN HELP ME %

170. CARE ABOUT SOOCER.

171. pO, IT'S THE MOST POPULAR SPORR

172. - plN THE WORLD, PROBABLY BECAUSE

173. IT" CHHAP O PLAY.

174. IT COSTS A BALL.

175. AND ONCE EVERY FOUR YEARS,

176. AMERRCA PRETENDS TO CARE ABOUT

177. IT.

178. AND YES, I CALL IT SOCCER.

179. DON'T CORRECT ME, ECAUSE I

180. DON'T CARE WHAT TTEY CALL IT IN

181. OTHER LANNS.

182. I SPEAK AMERICA.%

183. FOOTBALL, AND IT'S WAY BETTER.

184. 3000POUND MEN FOR 8 SECOODS AT A

185. TIME, NOT BY 5'66 FAIRIES

186. LIGHTLY JOGGING FOR THREE HOURS

187. OR HOWEVER LONGGYOORRGAME IS.

188. BBY A SCOREBOARDD.

189. IT'S ARD FOR E TO GET INTO A

190. EXCUSE ME FOR NOT BEING BLE TO

191. GET REVVED UP FFR THIS ORNER

192. HOORAY, THE GAME ENDS WITHOUT A

193. SINGLE GOAL.

194. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF WHEN A NNA

195. TEAM DDESN'T REAK 100.

196. THAT'S BECAASE YOU DON'TTGET A

197. FRRE TACC.

198. MAYBE THERE'D E MORE SCOOING IF

199. THEY WEREN'T FLOPPING ALL THE

200. TIME.

201. CAN YOU MURDER THE ONES THAT

202. - pFALL DOWN CRYING ECCUSE THEIR

203. TOE GOT STEPPED ON?

204. THE ONLY THING GOOD ABOUT SOCCER

205. IS THE MOVIE, "LADYBUGS."

206. THAT'S A CLASSICC

207. DON'T TRY TO REDO IT, HOLLYWOOD.

208. WOMEN'S SOCCER.

209. THAT'S A BEAUTIFFL GAME.

210. AND AMERICA IS ACTUALLY GOOD ATT

211. IT, PROBABLY BECAUSE WE'RE THE

212. TO WEAR SHORTS.

213. IT'S NICE TT HAVE AN ACTIVITY

214. THE TERRORIIT COUNTRIES CAN

215. EXCEL AT.

216. ENJOY YOUR 15 MINUTES, ALGERIA.

217. THEN GO BACK TO BEING NUMBER ONE

218. AT CAR BOMBS.

219. BUT JUSTT NOW THE ONLY REASON

220. YOU'RE EATING US IS BECAUSE OUR

221. - pBEST ATHLETES ARE BUSY PLAYING

222. REAL SPORTS.

223. YOU THINK LLBRON JAAES MIGHT

224. MAKE AN OKAY GOALIE?

225. OH, AND GOOD MOVE GIVING US

226. pRIME.

227. THAT REALLY PANNED OUT.

228. TO HIS REDIT, NENAD WAS TRYING

229. HIS ARDEST TO MAKE SOCCER

230. ENTERTTINNNG.

231. THAT'SSWHY I PUT ON MY SHIN

232. GUARD, BROUGHT HIM OUT TO THE

233. pOSH.0 PPTCH TO BEND IT LIKE

234. BECKHAM IN THIS WEEK'S WEBB

235. GOAL!

236. GOAL!

237. CAN I ET YOU A BIG LEMONADE?

238. WE WANT SOME BEER.

239. THANKS FOR COMING HERE,

240. NAAAH.

241. WHERE ARE YOU FROMM

242. SERBII.

243. SERBIA.

244. GET OVER HERE.G ME?

245. HOW AAE YOU DOING, AN?

246. HOW LONG YOU BEEN PLAYING

247. SOCCER?

248. p> 16 YEARS.

249. IS YOURRULTIMATE OAL AS A

250. SOCCER PLAYER TO ONE DAY E A

251. FFELD GOAA KICKEE II FOOTBALL?

252. BBT I THOUGHT OF IT.

253. I WOULD GIVE IT A SHOT

254. BECAUSE IT'S A PRETTYYGOOD

255. PAYCHECK FOR NOT A LOT OF ORK

256. INNNOVEMBER.%

257. AND THE VIDEO —

258. CAME OUT THE NEXT DAY.

259. 800,000 VIEWERS IN COUPLE DAY.

260. HAD YOU EVER DONE THAT

261. BEFOREE

262. I DID, YEAH.

263. HAS IT EVER WORKED.

264. ONCE I DID IT THE FIRST TIME,

265. I SAVED THE P.K.

266. MY COACH, THEY LIKED IT.

267. ANDDAFTER HE SCORED, HOW BAD

268. DID YOU WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE

269. FACE?

270. WHEN I WATCHHD THH VIDEE, I

271. WWS PROUD OF MYSELF HOW I KEPT

272. MY COMPOSURE..3

273. DII YOU GET CARDED FOR THAT?3

274. ACTUALLY, I WAS SURPRISED —

275. I DOO'T KNOW IF YOU'RE ALLOWED

276. TT DO THATTIN A GAME.

277. WERE YOUR TEAMMATES MAD AT

278. - pYOU?

279. EVERYBODY WAS IN MISERY.

280. WE LLST THE GAME..3

281. WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEIR NAME,

282. THE THEY GO NA-NA?

283. IT'S HARD NOT TO.

284. WHEN YOU HEAR THAT YOU WANT TO

285. I'VE PLAYED SOCCER.

286. I DDN'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN

287. THIS.

288. THIS WAS MY JERSEY WHEN I USEDD

289. TO PLAY FOR THE NEW BERN

290. STOMPERS.

291. WHAT POSITION DID YOU PLAY?

292. CCNTER.

293. I WAS PRETTY GOODD

294. THAT'S BECAUSE MOST KIDS SON.

295. YYU LOOK LIKE YOU PPAYED

296. GYMNASTICSS

297. I THINK I CAN HELP YOUUCOME UP

298. PEOPLE. FEW THINGS THAT DISTRACTS

299. THAT'S MY SPECIALTY, DISTRACTING

300. PEOPLE.

301. I BROUGHT YOU OUT HEEE BECAUSE I

302. WANTED YOU TO PPAY KEEPER

303. UNDEEEATED TWO SEASONN IN A ROW.

304. ANYBODY SSEN MARZA?

305. SORRY, COACH.

306. HAD TO GRAB A SMMKE.

307. SHE S OUR BEST PLAYER.

308. DON'T BE DISTRACTED BY HER TITS.

309. ALL RIGHT.

310. WE SHOOT.

311. WHOEVVR DOESN'T CORE, 40 LAPS

312. GOAL!

313. GOAL!

314. ALL RIGHT.

315. KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE

316. OH, YEAH. INN.

317. THAT'S REAL SPORT.

318. WORK ON YOUR KEEPER SKILLS.

319. NOW IT'S TIME TO WORK ON YOUR

320. DISTRACTING SKILLS.

321. CART WHEELS ARE NOT ENOUGH.

322. THIS TIME YOU HAVE TO SAVE A

323. THE WORLD WANTSSTO KNOW, ARE YOU%

324. READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

325. YES.

326. IT'S AGAINST A GIRL.

327. SHOULD BE PRETTY EASY.

328. [LAUGHTERR

329. [CHEERS & APPLAUSEE

330. [APPLAUSEE

331. GO, GO, GO!

332. ALE, ALE, ALE!

333. I MISS YOU SO MUCH, RICKY.

334. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, BUT FIRST

335. HERE'S YOUR WAKEUP CALL.

336. ONE, TWO.

337. - pKEEE GOING..3

338. I'M TAPPING OUT.

339. THAT'S AMAZZN AMANDA.

340. HAHA.

341. AS AN SBBW FEEISH MODEL, HER

342. SPECIALTY IS LLFTING AAD

343. SMOTHERING DUDES.

344. SIICE I'M ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT

345. FOR A NEW EROTIC HOBBY, PLEASE

346. WELCOME, AMAZONNAMANDA.

347. HI, AMAZON!

348. THANKS FOR HAVING ME ON.

349. ARE YOU REALLY FROM THE

350. AMAZON, ECAUSE YOU LOOK A

351. LITTLE ASTY?

352. I'M FROM A PLACE CALLED

353. IDAHO.

354. THATTS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE

355. AMAZON.

356. HOW DID YOU GET INTO DOING THIS?

357. I BLAME ALL THE KIDS GROWING

358. UP THAT EVER TEESED ME, MADE FFN

359. OF ME, OR HARASSED MEEFOR MY

360. HEIGHT AND MY IZE, BECAUSE WHAT

361. THEY MADE FUN OF IS NOW WHAT I'M

362. SAID I HAD A BIG ASS, THHY SAID

363. - pl HAD BIG FEET, AND NOW THEY'RE

364. THE ONESSPAYING FOR IT.

365. p> AH.

366. TELL US ABOUT YOUR BLACK

367. BOYFRIEND.

368. NO, I HAVE A WHITE ONE.

369. I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.

370. HOW DO YOU STAY IN SUCH GREAT

371. p> I DON'T GO TO THE GYM, ND I

372. LIFT LITTLEEMEN RETTYYMUCH

373. EVERY DAY..

374. SESSION?

375. MORE HAN YOU CAN AFFORD.

376. SO ABOUT $100..

377. YOU DOMINATE THEM?E AROUSED WHEN

378. DURING THEIR TIME WITH ME,

379. THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO NUDIIY, NO

380. NN RELEASE?

381. BUT I CAN SPLOOGE, RRGHT?

382. WHAT'S THE WEIRDEST THING YOU'VE

383. EVER BEEE ASKED TO DO?

384. > URING ESSIONS I'VE BEEN

385. HOW LONG O YOU THINK YOU'LL

386. KEEP DOING THIS?

387. I SAID I WOULD GIVE IT A

388. YEAR, AND THAT WAS 8 YEARS AGO,

389. - pBUT TO ME, IT" TRULY WHAT I

390. ENJOY, AND I HAVE FUN DOING IT.

391. SO AS SOON AS IT STOPSSBEING

392. FUN, THAT'S WHEN I'LL TOP DOING

393. THANKSS BRETT FAVRE — I

394. MEAN, AMANDA.

395. AND HANKK FOR COMPING OUR

396. - pSESSION YESTERDAY. IT WAS MAGICAL.

397. TAKE LOOK.

398. OH, MY!

399. 3

400. THANKS, AMANDA.

401. SORRY AVIS.

402. YEA, SHE MIGHT HAVE BROKEN AN

403. AXLE.

404. pHE WAS NICE ENOUGH TO CARRY IT

405. BACK THOUGH.

406. HEY, ARE YOU GGYS EXCITED TO SEE

407. TTE NEW TWILIGHT MOVIE?

408. PEOPLL HAVE BEEN LINING UP OR

409. DAYS.

410. YOU THINK THAT'S IMPRESSIVE?

411. PEOPLE LINE UP OUTSIDE Y

412. BUILDING 365 DAYS A YEAR, JUST %

413. FOR A CHANCE TO CATCH A GLIMPSE

414. OF E.

415. THHS IS MY AILY WALK INTO THE

416. OFFICE.

417. "HEY GUYS.

418. IT'S JUST ME.

419. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

420. - pLOOK AT EM.

421. THEY'RE JUST LIKE, "OH, MY GOD!

422. HE'S SO FAMOUS!"

423. DEPOT ACROSS HE STREET.

424. FANS ARE FFNS.

425. EVEN IF THEY CAN'T VVTE.

426. [LAUGHTERR

427. AND REMEMBER, IF AAY OF YOU FANS

428. OUT THERE HAVE A VIDEO, GO TO

429. OUR BLOG AND UPLOAD IT FOR A

430. CHHNCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF

431. THE WEEK.

432. THIS EEK'S WINNER COMES TO US

433. FROM DINO BRITE PRODUCTIONS.

434. JUST DO IT! 3

435. LISTEN, I DON'T CARE ABOUT

436. YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL,

437. OKAY?

438. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE KID THINGS.

439. GGEAT.

440. ALL RIGHT.

441. LISTEN, I GOTTA GO.

442. - pTHIS UYYISSTHINKING I'M GOING

443. TO TALK TO MY PENIS, WHICH I AM.

444. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

445. OF THE HIGGINS OYS AND RUBER.

446. GIRLFRIEND GUY" GGTS A MUCH

447. - pNEEDED WEB REDEMPTION.

448. I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, I

449. HAVE A SIX-INCH PENIS.

450. TO GET IT P!

451. THAT IS THE LOOGEST WIDOW'S

452. PEAK I HAVE EVER SEEN.

453. - pARE THOSE BAAGS OR IS THAT A

454. BANG?

455. MAKE SURE YOUUFOLLOW ME ON

456. TWITTER SO WW CAN LIVE CHAT

457. DURING THE SHOWS.

458. AND MAKE SURE YOU COME SEE ME ON

459. THE TOSH TOUR 2010.

460. BEFORE WE GO, MOST OF YOU IGHT

461. BE UNAWARE THATTI HAVE MY OWN

462. DRINK, A OT OF CELEERITIES DO.

463. THEEE'S THE ARNOLDDPPLMER, THE

464. SHIRLEY TEMPLE, THE ELIZA

465. DUSHKU, YEA, AND NOW, "THE

466. TOSHTINI."

467. WHAT'S THE TOOHTINI?

468. IT'S WHEN YOU OPEN ANNEXPENSIVE

469. BOTTLE OF WATER ANDDIMMEDIATELY

470. POOR HALF OF IT STRAIGHT DOWN

471. pHE DRAIN.

472. NOW FIIL THE BOTTLE UP WITH TAP

473. WAAER AND GENTLY SHAKE.

474. SERVE IT T ROOM TEMPERATURE AND

475. - pGARNISH WITH A TWIST OF LYMON,

476. NOW GO TO A BAR ND ORDER A

477. TOSHTINI TONIGHTT AND PLEASE

478. ENJOY RESPONSIBLY.

479. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

480. GOOD NIGHT.