Tosh.0 1x6

1. A KITCHEN MATCH.

2. THANK YOU.

3. OKAY KIDS WE DON'T PROMOTE

4. SMOKING BUT NOBODY WANTS THIS

5. GUY TO QUIT.

6. HE'S GOT A GIFT SO SUCK IT TRUTH

7. CAMPAIGN.

8. SMOKING JUST GOT COOL AGAIN.

9. WELCOME TO TOSH.0.

10. THE SHOW THAT WARNS A VERY

11. UNCOMFORTABLE PHONE CALL WITH MY

12. PARENTS EVERY THURSDAY AT

13. 10:31.

14. WE HATE YOUR SHOW.

15. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR

16. REAL NAME.

17. TODAY, JACK MCBRAYER STOPS BY

18. AND GETS REALLY ANGRY, THE

19. BALLOON GUY RECEIVES A HEARTFELT

20. WEB REDEMPTION, AND IF THERE'S

21. TIME, WE HAVE SOME WHITE GIRLS

22. DOING BILL COSBY IMPRESSIONS.

23. THIS WEEK LEBRON JAMES IS

24. BEING ACCUSED OF THE ULTIMATE

25. NO, NOT GETTING HIS

26. MOGWAY WET.

27. BUT BEING DUNKED ON BY A KID WHO

28. ATTENDED HIS OWN BASKETBALL

29. CAMP.

30. BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE IT

31. BECAUSE NIKE AND LEBRON

32. CONFISCATED THE TAPE SO IT

33. WOULDN'T EMBARRASS LEBRON.

34. AND NIKE, AS LONG AS YOU'RE

35. TRYING TO PROTECT HIM FROM THE

36. EMBARRASSING TAPE HOW ABOUT YOU

37. BURY THAT 4-2 BEAT DOWN ORLANDO

38. GAVE HIM IN THE PLAYOFFS.

39. I'M NOT SURPRISED I'VE PLAYED

40. LEBRON BEFORE, AND HE'S A

41. HORRIBLE SPORT.

42. YOU JUST DON'T POUND AWAY.

43. THAT'S BEGINNER.

44. ALWAYS PICKS THE PINK HIPPO.

45. HE'S GOT A KNACK FOR BALLS.

46. SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO TO TARGET TO

47. BUY ME A NEW GAME.

48. AND THEY MIGHT WANT TO CALL

49. AHEAD, THEY ONLY HAD 30 LEFT

50. WHEN I BOUGHT MINE TWO DAYS AGO

51. TO FILM THIS BIT.

52. MY MOM WAS LIKE WAS THAT REALLY

53. LEBRON.

54. THEIR HANDS DO LOOK ALIKE.

55. WHAT'S NEXT?

56. AN OLD LADY ON A MOTORCYCLE.

57. GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

58. [YELLI

59. IF YOU GUESSED THAT SHE WOULD

60. WRECK INTO AND EVEN OLDER LADY

61. IN A WHEELCHAIR, YOU'RE DOING

62. GREAT.

63. GRANDMA'S FINE.

64. THAT'S THE GREAT PART ABOUT

65. HITTING SOMEONE THAT'S ALREADY

66. PARALYZED.

67. JUST DON'T COUNT ON THAT $5

68. BIRTHDAY CHECK THIS YEAR.

69. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENS

70. NEXT?

71. NOT EVEN NOSTRADAMUS COULD

72. PREDICT THIS VIDEO WOULD END

73. WITH INCEST.

74. HEY CAPTAIN APPROPRIATE, NOW

75. IS NOT THE TIME TO YOUR

76. MOTHER-IN-LAW.

77. WE'RE NOT EVEN FINISHED.

78. GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

79. IT'S A MIRACLE, THAT'S RIGHT,

80. GRANDMA CAN STAND!

81. TURNS OUT SHE WASN'T PARALYZED.

82. NOPE, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE FROM

83. THE SOUTH, SHE'S JUST FAT AND

84. LAZY.

85. [CLAPPI

86. SEND YOUR HATE MAIL TO ME IF

87. YOU CAN FIGURE HOW TO WORK THE

88. INTERNET.

89. KAUFMAN IS ALIVE.

90. I LOVE BESTIALITY AS MUCH AS

91. THE NEXT GUY, BUT DON'T ASK ME

92. TO CUDDLE AFTERWARD, WHICH IS

93. WHY I FIND THE PIC OF THE WEEK

94. SO DISTURBING.

95. AT FIRST WE JUST HAD HIS EYES

96. BLOCKED.

97. BUT THEN THE HORSE CALLED AND

98. WAS LIKE, "HEY MAN, CAN YOU DO

99. ME A SOLID?"

100. LET'S SEE HOW MANY COMMENTS WE

101. CAN POST IN 20 SECONDS.

102. SADLY I DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA

103. EVEN BE CLOSE TO ENOUGH TIME.

104. I THINK I'VE HAD TOO MUCH TO

105. DRINK.

106. CAN I RIDE YOU HOME?

107. DUDE, DAVE'S GIRLFRIEND IS A

108. TOTAL WHORE.

109. BEFORE YOU CLIMAX, I'D LOVE IT

110. IF YOU COULD YELL, "AND DOWN THE

111. STRETCH THEY COME."

112. LOOKS LIKE SARAH JESSICA PARKER

113. HAS BEEN CHEATING ON MATTHEW

114. BRODERICK.

115. SHE LOOKS LIKE A HORSE.

116. THIS IS FAR DOWN THE LIST, BUT

117. DOES THAT HORSE LOOK TOO YOUNG

118. TO YOU?

119. THE JUDGES WON'T COUNT THAT ONE.

120. I DIDN'T GET IT IN TIME.

121. IT'S NOT OFTEN AT A FUNERAL

122. THAT THE PEOPLE IN THE CROWD

123. WANT TO TRADE PLACES WITH THE

124. GUY IN THE CASKET.

125. I GUESS THAT'S THE JACKSON

126. BROTHER JOE DIDN'T BEAT HARD

127. ENOUGH.

128. DON'T WORRY, HE FINISHES UP

129. SUPER STRONG.

130. WHOP, WHOP.

131. WHERE'S SANDMAN SIMS WHEN YOU

132. NEED HIM?

133. WHOP, WHOP.

134. I DON'T GET WHAT WHOP, WHOP IS.

135. YOU NEED A BLACK FRIENDS.

136. SOMETIMES I DON'T SLEEP AFTER

137. SNL.

138. OKAY, WHO'S READY FOR A LEAP

139. OF FAITH?

140. YOU SCREW UP LIKE THAT IN CHINA

141. AND THEY EXECUTE YOU ON THE

142. SPOT.

143. SHE'S COMPLETELY FINE, BY THE

144. WAY.

145. SHE TWITCHES A LOT.

146. SHE GOT RIGHT BACK UP ON THAT

147. WI

148. SWING.

149. GYMNASTICS IS A COMPLICATED

150. SPORT TO JUDGE, SO LET'S MAKE

151. SOME DEDUCTIONS IN THIS WEEK'S

152. BREAKDOWN.

153. [CLAPPI

154. ALRIGHT, LET'S SWING.

155. WHO ISN'T JAZZED UP ABOUT

156. VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL.

157. RIGHT NOW BECCA'S THINKING,

158. "SOMEONE'S AMPED UP.

159. WE'VE NEVER DONE FOUR BIG SWINGS

160. BEFORE THE LAUNCH."

161. BUT BETWEEN SCOTT AND JESUS

162. THERE'S NO WAY I'M COMING UP

163. SHORT.

164. WE ARE THE BRANCHES.

165. WHOA, THAT'S PRETTY HIGH.

166. I'VE NEVER FELT SO CLOSE TO GOD.

167. JUST WAIT, IN 2 SECONDS YOU'RE

168. GONNA MEET HIM.

169. COMING IN HOT!

170. LOOK AT THE PEOPLE KNEELING NEXT

171. TO THE MAT.

172. THIS WOMAN ON THE END SEES IT

173. COMING, LET'S SEE WHAT SHE DOES.

174. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

175. YOU'RE GOING TO TRY TO ONE ARM

176. IT?

177. PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT, MANNY

178. RAMIREZ

179. NICE HEIGHT ON THE BOUNCE,

180. THOUGH.

181. ENOUGH HANG TIME TO BECOME AN

182. ATHIEST.

183. YOU KNOW WHO'S FEELING PRETTY

184. SMUG RIGHT NOW.

185. THE SALES PERSON THAT TOLD THEM

186. THEY WOULD DEFINITELY NEED TWO

187. SAFETY MATS.

188. BUT THE CHURCH COULD ONLY AFFORD

189. ONE.

190. WE'RE NONPROFIT.

191. AND THERE GOES HER SCRUNCHIE!

192. SOME LUCKY FAN IS GOING HOME

193. WITH A SOUVENIR.

194. I GOT A VERTBRAID.

195. A STANDING OVATION?

196. AND PAN BACK TO SCOTT PETERSON,

197. STILL ON THE SWING SCOUTING THE

198. CROWD FOR A NEW LIFE MATE, AND

199. PRAYING NO ONE WAS FILMING.

200. BUT LUCKY FOR US, SOME

201. CHURCH-GOER DID, AND THEY HAD

202. THE DECENCY TO PUT IT ON THE

203. INTERNET, AND FOR THAT, WE THANK

204. YOU.

205. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BILL

206. MONROE, THE BALLOON GUY!

207. BUT FIRST, IF YOU HAVE ANY

208. QUESTIONS, REMEMBER, THE

209. INTERNET HAS ALL THE ANSWERS.

210. LIKE GOD.

211. IF A VAGINA ISN'T USED CAN IT

212. HEAL UP AND CLOSE?

213. NO.

214. WHY WON'T MY PARAKEET EAT MY

215. DIARRHEA.

216. IS IT BECAUSE OF MY DIET.

217. WHY ARE YOU FEEDING YOUR

218. PARAKEET DIARRHEA.

219. THAT'S NOT THE QUESTION I

220. WHOA!

221. DARN IT.

222. IT'S NOT COOPERATING.

223. I'M BECOMING TRAPPED IN THE

224. BALLOON.

225. I HATE THIS.

226. [GRUNTI

227. I HATE THIS.

228. THAT GUY LIVES IN A STUDIO

229. APARTMENT?

230. WITH TALENT LIKE THAT? THAT'S

231. GOTTA BE A POOL HOUSE.

232. THERE ARE STRANGER HOBBIES OUT

233. THERE.

234. JESSICA SIMPSON, FOR EXAMPLE,

235. IS WAY INTO COMPETITIVE EATING.

236. THAT'S HER CHOICE.

237. DON'T THROW STONES.

238. WHO ARE YOU TO DECIDE WHAT'S

239. PRODUCTIVE AND WHAT'S NOT

240. ANYWAY?

241. YOU'RE WATCHING THIS SHOW.

242. YOU'RE NOT OFF TO A GREAT START,

243. ARE YOU.

244. SO HOW ABOUT WE STOP ASKING WHY

245. AND START ASKING WHY NOT,

246. WE WANT

247. BILL IN THAT BALLOON, WE NEED

248. HIM IN THAT BALLOON!

249. SO WE TRIED TO GET HIM IN, AND

250. MORE IMPORTANTLY BACK OUT OF

251. HIS BALLOON IN THIS WEEK'S WEB

252. REDEMPTION.

253. [CLAPPI

254. SURPRISE.

255. BILL.

256. NICE TO MEET YOU.

257. DID YOU COME BY HOT AIR

258. BALLOON.

259. WERE YOU WAITING FOR THAT ONE?

260. BOOM.

261. HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED WITH

262. BALLOONS?

263. WELL, IT STARTED WITH THIS

264. ARTICLE IN NATIONAL INQUIRER,

265. THIS GENTLEMAN THIS PERSON

266. GETTING INTO A HUGE INFLATED

267. BALLOON.

268. THE ONLY THING HE'S THIN.

269. AND HE POPPED THEM AS HE GETS

270. OUT.

271. RIGHT, AND YOU DECIDED —

272. DECIDED FOR GOING IN AND THEN

273. GETTING OUT WITHOUT POPPING

274. THEM.

275. AND YOU FAILED.

276. I FAILED A FEW TIMES, YES.

277. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER

278. ON FAMILY MATTERS?

279. REALLY I CAN TELL IT AIN'T

280. URKEL I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE

281. CHARACTER IN THAT SHOW.

282. YOU WOULD BE MY FAVORITE

283. PERSON ON THIS PLANET.

284. HANDS DOWN.

285. DOWN THE HATCH?

286. YEAH.

287. OKAY.

288. HOW DOES THAT FEEL, BILL.

289. IT DOESN'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT

290. BUT MY VOICE IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE

291. A CHIPMUNK.

292. BILL, ARE YOU READY?

293. YES.

294. OKAY.

295. LET'S GO SUIT UP.

296. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING

297. TO BRING YOUR OWN BALLOON.

298. I GOT IT.

299. YOU DON'T WANT TO GET INSIDE

300. THIS?

301. NO.

302. SAVE THAT FOR LATER.

303. LET'S CRANK THIS THING UP.

304. HEY.

305. IS THAT ENOUGH?

306. IT SHOULD BE.

307. HOLD ON.

308. OKAY, BILL, THE WORLD WANTS TO

309. KNOW ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT

310. ANOTHER SHOT.

311. YOU NEED TO GET IN AND OUT

312. SUCCESSFULLY.

313. ALL RIGHT.

314. ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, GOOD LUCK.

315. BILL, IT'S FAIR TO SAY THIS IS

316. THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.

317. SLOWLY BUT SURELY.

318. YOU'RE WORKING OVER THE JUMP.

319. OH MAN.

320. WHAT'S GOING ON?

321. THERE'S A HOLE IN IT.

322. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET OUT OF

323. ONE.

324. NO, I THINK YOU JUST KEEP

325. GOING DOWN.

326. OKAY.

327. I'LL LET YOU KNOW ONE THING.

328. WHAT'S THAT?

329. IT MAY POP.

330. WHOA!

331. HANG ON.

332. I GOT ONE FOOT IN

333. TAKE YOUR TIME.

334. AND I NEED TO BRING THE OTHER

335. FOOT IN.

336. STAY IN THERE, BILL.

337. I'M GOING TO GET CHANGED AND

338. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

339. I'M READY.

340. I CAN'T MOVE AROUND

341. BILL, DON'T ROLL OFF.

342. DON'T GO TOO FAR.

343. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE

344. CLOWNING?

345. THE WORLD WANTS YOU OUT.

346. PUSH, PUSH.

347. IS IT CUTTING OFF

348. CIRCULATION?

349. HANG IN THERE, BUDDY.

350. BILL, OH, YOU'RE SO CLOSE.

351. HEY, HEY, HEY.

352. BUSH.

353. BU

354. PUSH.

355. WE WANT YOU TO COME INTO THE

356. WORLD NATURALLY.

357. HERE COMES ANOTHER

358. CONTRACTION.

359. BREATHE.

360. BREATHE.

361. THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING

362. WE'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE YOU.

363. OH BILL!

364. OH BILL!

365. OH BILL!

366. YES!

367. OH!

368. THAT'S A BOY.

369. IT'S A BOY!

370. THIS IS SO GOOD.

371. NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I

372. DELIVER A 55-YEAR-OLD MAN IT

373. NEVER GETS OLD.

374. I HAD A GOOD TIME BUDDY.

375. TRAVEL SAFELY.

376. THANK YOU.

377. BYE, BILL.

378. EVERY TIME THERE'S A RAINBOW

379. I'LL KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING.

380. [CLAPPI

381. AN ENTIRE PIECE ON BALLOONS AND

382. NOT ONE CONDOM JOKE.

383. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JACK

384. MCBRAYER.

385. AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE

386. PRANK OF THE WEEK.

387. THIS IS THE AIR BAG WE'RE

388. GOING TO PUT INSIDE A COUCH.

389. A WE'RE GOING TO SIT HERE, AND

390. HOPEFULLY BLOW IT OUT.

391. OH!

392. WHAT THE!

393. AND THAT WAS THE PRANK OF THE

394. WEEK BROUGHT TO YOU BY BURR

395. I FRIEND NATHAN WE'RE GOING TO

396. SEE IF WE CAN GET HIM INSIDE A

397. BALLOON.

398. PUT IT IN THERE.

399. NATHAN.

400. HE DID IT.

401. CAMERA.

402. NATHAN.

403. I'M NOT FEELING TOO GOOD.

404. GET ON MY SHOULDERS.

405. TURN AROUND.

406. HOW ABOUT THAT?

407. I CAN SMELL YOUR BALLS.

408. HELP ME GET IT OFF.

409. IT'S HOT IN THERE.

410. THAT'S FINE.

411. LET'S GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

412. THAT'S FINE.

413. [CLAPPI

414. HE DIED.

415. MAY HE REST IN PEACE, NATHAN.

416. TICKETS TO HIS MEMORIAL ARE

417. AVAILABLE ON OUR WEBSITE.

418. I HEAR MINI KISS IS PERFORMING.

419. I COULDN'T RESIST.

420. LIVE VIA WEB CHAT, PLEASE

421. WELCOME JACK MCBRAYER.

422. JACK

423. THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

424. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR US?

425. WELL, THIS PIECE WAS DONE BY

426. ME AND SOME BUDDIES OF MINE AND

427. IT WAS JUST A LITTLE OLD THING

428. WE THOUGHT WE'D TRY OUT.

429. WELL THANK YOU.

430. THANK YOU.

431. I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY.

432. I LOVE YOU?

433. I LOVE YOU.

434. AND NOW JACK MCBRAYER IS VERY

435. ANGRY, AND VERY FAR AWAY.

436. THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING.

437. I SWEAR TO GOD.

438. UNBELIEVABLE.

439. AHH!

440. THANKS FOR LETTING ME GET

441. THAT OFF MY CHEST.

442. THANK YOU TO JACK AND THE PEOPLE

443. AT FUNNY OR DIE.

444. MAKE SURE YOU GO TO

445. COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0 AND

446. UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEO FOR A

447. CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF

448. THE WEEK.

449. THIS WEEK'S SUBMISSION COMES TO

450. US FROM MIKE POLK WHO MADE A

451. TOURISM VIDEO FOR HIS HOME TOWN

452. OF CLEVELAND.

453. THAT'S WHERE MY MOM IS FROM.

454. FUN TIMES IN CLEVELAND AGAIN.

455. IN CLEVELAND.

456. COME ON DOWN TO CLEVELAND TOWN

457. UNDER CONSTRUCTION SINCE 1868.

458. SEE A RIVER THAT CATCHES ON

459. FIRE.

460. IT'S SO POLLUTED THAT OUR FISH

461. HAVE AIDS.

462. THIS GUY HAS AT LEAST 2

463. DUI'S.

464. LOOKS LIKE A SCOOBY-DOO GHOST

465. TOWN.

466. BUY A HOUSE FOR THE PRICE OF A

467. VCR.

468. WE'RE SO RETARDED WE THINK THIS

469. IS ART.

470. AT LEAST WE'RE NOT DETROIT.

471. WE'RE NOT DETROIT!

472. YOU'VE BEEN PONED DETROIT.

473. THANKS, GUYS.

474. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

475. I'M WITH BUSEY.

476. I JUST LOVE THOSE BEAT.

477. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

478. WATCHING.

479. NOW, IF EACH VIEWER COULD JUST

480. GET 1,000 MORE PEOPLE A WEEK TO

481. WATCH WE SHOULDN'T GET

482. CANCELED.

483. IT'S A VERY SMALL PRICE.

484. MAKE SURE YOU WATCH OUR NEXT

485. SHOW WHEN WE GIVE...

486. JOSH REINWALD A WEB REDEMPTION

487. FOR THE WORLD'S WORST BEST MAN

488. SPEECH.

489. THAT'S NEVER THE TIME TO BRING

490. UP ABORTION.

491. THAT'S WHAT HE DID.

492. HARLAN WILLIAMS WILL ALSO BE

493. WITH US.

494. AND ALSO, MAKE SURE YOU GO TO

495. OUR WEBSITE

496. COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0 TO SEE

497. ALL OF OUR VIDEOS AND BLOGS.

498. LAST WEEK WE ASKED YOU TO GO

499. TO OUR WEBSITE TO TELL ME IF MY

500. RESPONSE VIDEO WAS RACIST.

501. THE RESULTS ARE IN, NO IT WAS

502. NOT, BUT ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO

503. COMMENTED ON IT, ARE.

504. SERIOUSLY GO READ THE COMMENTS.

505. PEOPLE ARE FEARLESS WHEN NO ONE

506. SEES YOU.

507. SPEAKING OF RACIST, LAST WEEK WE

508. SHOWED YOU ASIANS DOING

509. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN

510. IMPRESSIONS, AND WE ACCIDENTALLY

511. PUT THE SAME GUY IN IT MULTIPLE

512. TIMES.

513. BUT IN OUR DEFENSE, TO A ROUND

514. EYE, YOU DO LOOK SIMILAR.

515. AS A HONKY, I CAN SAY ROUND EYE,

516. I THINK.

517. WE MIGHT PAUSE AND EDIT THAT

518. OUT.

519. I LEAVE YOU WITH A LOVELY MASHUP

520. OF WHITE GIRLS DOING BILL COSBY

521. IMPRESSIONS.

522. I'M BILL COSBY.

523. THE PUDDING.

524. WHAT YOU GOT TO DO WITH IF YOU

525. PUT THE PUDDING IN THE SPOON IN

526. YOUR MOUTH AND TWIRL IT OUT AND

527. SPIT IT RUDY.

528. AND CAMILLE.

529. I'M BILL COSBY.

530. [LAUGHI

531. SHE HAS GOT A GIFT.

532. THANK YOU.

533. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

534. WHAT'S IN YOUR CASE?

535. ONE A COSTUME.

536. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU

537. WOULD HAVE OPENED IT FROM THE

538. OTHER END.

539. WORKOUT PANTS.

540. EXTRA LARGE WHITE T-SHIRT AND

541. ALSO A PAIR OF SOCKS.

542. PAIR OF SOCKS.

543. WE'LL HIDE THE UNDERWEAR.

544. THAT'S FINE.

545. WHY IS THAT THE BALLOON

546. OUTFIT?