Tosh.0 1x4

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Videos include evil babies, Heidi and Spencer, water slides, and the national anthem. Paige Reynolds, also known as Scarlett, is given a shot at web redemption. The celebrity video features Terrell Owens making apologies.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. MEOW.

2. MEOW.

3. I WON'T LET HIM SLEEP IN MY

4. BED.

5. WELCOME TO TOSH.0, THE SINGLE

6. GREATEST HALF HOUR OF YOUR LIFE.

7. BELIEVE IT!

8. TODAY'S SHOW IS WONDERFUL.

9. TODAY TERRELL OWENS MAKES

10. AMENDS.

11. SCARLETT TUMBLES HER WAY TO A

12. WEB REDEMPTION.

13. AND HEIDI AND SPENCER ANNOY ME.

14. BUT FIRST, PEREZ HILTON VERSUS

15. THE BLACKED EYED PEAS.

16. APPARENTLY A FIGHT BROKE OUT

17. THIS WEEK BETWEEN WILL I AM AND

18. PEREZ.

19. THIS IS WHAT PEREZ SAID THAT

20. STARTED THE FIGHT.

21. THAT'S THE WORST POSSIBLE THING

22. THAT ANYONE WOULD WANT TO HEAR.

23. WHOA!

24. HELLO POT, MEET KETTLE.

25. THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE

26. WORST THING YOU CAN CALL A BLACK

27. RAPPER.

28. THAT'S WHY I (BLEEP) YOUR BITCH

29. YOU FAT (BLEEP).

30. THAT SOUNDS A LOT WORSE.

31. IF THAT'S ALL MICHAEL RICHARDS

32. HAD SAID HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE

33. IN HIDING.

34. WILL RESPONDED HARSHLY ON HIS

35. VLOG.

36. WAY TO BE GANGSTA.

37. I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN

38. RAPPERS WOULD ACT LIKE MEN AND

39. JUST SHOOT SOMEBODY.

40. NOW IT'S LIKE A SEMI COLON WINK.

41. BANG BANG.

42. LET'S GET TO SOME SERIOUS

43. INTERNET NEWS.

44. FREE JACK YATES.

45. YOU DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS?

46. GET INVOLVED.

47. THIS CASE IS VERY NEAR TO MY

48. HEART.

49. THIS YOUNG MAN HAS BEEN

50. IMPRISONED FOR 6 MONTHS FOR

51. ILLEGALLY POSTING THE LOVE GURU

52. ONLINE.

53. WHERE IT WAS DOWNLOADED OVER

54. 85,000 TIMES.

55. THEY SAY HAD THAT NOT HAPPENED,

56. THE FILM COULD HAVE BEEN A BOX

57. OFFICE SMASH.

58. OKAY, LET'S ALL SLOW DOWN.

59. THIS CLIP HAS 14 MILLION VIEWS

60. ONLINE.

61. 20 ARE FROM ME.

62. THE POINT PEOPLE WILL WATCH

63. CRAP AS LONG AS IT'S FREE.

64. I WAS IN THIS MOVIE AND I

65. WOULDN'T PAY TO SEE IT.

66. THEN MY MOM GOT A JOB.

67. YEAH.

68. SOMEONE HAS GOT RANGE.

69. I HOPE EVERYONE IS ENJOYING

70. THEIR SUMMER.

71. MAKE SURE YOU GO OUTSIDE AND GET

72. SOME EXERCISE.

73. I DON'T WANT TO.

74. LET'S SEE HOW MANY JOKES WE CAN

75. MAKE IN 20 SECONDS.

76. HUH, YOU MEAN THAT RESERVOIR AT

77. THE END OF THE SLIP AND SLIDE

78. WASN'T ENOUGH TO CONTAIN HIM?

79. AT LEAST HE GOT TO EAT SOMETHING

80. AT THE END.

81. STAY CALM, JUST KEEP HIM WET.

82. WE NEED BUCKETS!

83. LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL PHELPS IS

84. STILL SMOKING POT.

85. IT'S LIKE WATCHING A JUMBO JET

86. LAND ON AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER.

87. LAUGH ALL YOU WANT, I'M

88. IMPRESSED.

89. HE WENT REALLY FAR FOR ONLY

90. TAKING TWO SLOW STEPS BEFORE THE

91. SLIDE.

92. PERFECT TIMING.

93. EVIL BABY, WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING

94. AT?

95. DING DING DING, BE THERE.

96. TELL YOUR PARENTS NOT TO WORRY,

97. IT DOESN'T MEAN YOUR KIDS ARE

98. SLOW BECAUSE THEY LIKE DANE

99. COOK.

100. THAT'S A PHASE AND MOST KIDS

101. GROW OUT OF IT BY AROUND MIDDLE

102. SCHOOL.

103. OUT ON YOU!

104. THAT'S OUT ON YOU!

105. THAT'S CALLED A FLIP THROW IN.

106. IT'S FOR DOUCHEBAGS WHOSE ARMS

107. ARE SO WEAK THAT THEY HAVE TO

108. UTILIZE ALL OF THEIR LEG

109. STRENGTH TO THROW A 15-OUNCE

110. SOCCER BALL.

111. I KNOW IT HURTS BUDDY, BUT YOU

112. JUST FOUND OUT WHAT THE REST OF

113. US ALREADY KNOW SOCCER IS

114. STUPID.

115. "SOCCER'S THE MOST POPULAR SPORT

116. ON THE PLANET.".

117. YEAH I KNOW, THANKS TO THIRD

118. WORLD COUNTRIES.

119. YOU SPEND ALL DAY IN A MUD HUT

120. SWATTING FLIES AND I GUARANTEE

121. THE IDEA OF KICKING A BALL ON A

122. HUGE GRASS FIELD WILL SOUND LIKE

123. THE GREATEST PASTIME EVER.

124. BY THE WAY, THAT'S NOT THE ONLY

125. PLACE

126. THE FLIP THROW IS EFFECTIVE.

127. THAT'S ACTUALLY HOW I BOWL.

128. STILL BROKE 100 AND A WALL.

129. THAT WAS A 15 POUND BALL.

130. YOU EVER GET STUCK NEXT TO THIS

131. PERSON ON A PLANE?

132. OH!

133. WELCOME TO THE BILE-HIGH CLUB.

134. FOR THOSE OF YOU KEEPING SCORE,

135. WE'VE HAD PUKING IN 4 STRAIGHT

136. SHOWS.

137. I'VE CLEARED A SPOT FOR MY EMMY.

138. NOW, LET'S SIFT THROUGH THE

139. MESS, CHUNK BY CHUNK, IN THIS

140. WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

141. OH, THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART

142. TOO.

143. OKAY, PLAY THIS DISGUSTING

144. VIDEO.

145. STOP.

146. OKAY, STARTS OUT AWFUL.

147. "THIS SUCKS.

148. I HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, AND I'M

149. BARFING INTO A BREAD BAG, STOP,

150. WHILE MY TALLER, THINNER,

151. PRETTIER FRIEND KAREN WINCES AT

152. ME IN HER HALTER TOP.

153. THIS IS THE WORST MOMENT OF MY

154. LIFE.

155. AT LEAST I GOT IT ALL IN THE

156. BAG."

157. TOWER, THIS IS GHOST RIDER,

158. REQUESTING PUKE BY.

159. NEGATIVE GHOST RIDER, THE BARF

160. BAG IS FULL.

161. I REPEAT, THE BARF BAG IS FULL.

162. AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT NOTICED

163. IT'S GOING UNDER HER GLASSES?

164. AND HOLY CRAP, LOOK AT HER

165. KICKING.

166. IT'S LIKE SHE'S TRYING TO TREAD

167. VOMIT.

168. "I'M COVERED IN MY OWN THROW UP.

169. HERE'S AN IDEA, MAYBE NEXT TIME

170. WE'LL JUST RENT THOSE

171. PADDLE-BOATS LIKE I WANTED TO."

172. OR THOSE TRICYCLE PADDLE BOATS.

173. GREAT SHAKE IT OFF.

174. JUST SHAKE IT OFF.

175. AND PILE

176. AND PILOTS, NEXT TIME THERE'S A

177. YOUNG GIRL HEAVING, MAYBE YOU

178. CAN POSTPONE THAT STALLING

179. BARREL ROLL MANEUVER.

180. BUT LUCKILY FOR US, MAVERICK AND

181. GOOSE HAD THEIR DATE RAPE CAM ON

182. AND PUT IT UP ON THE INTERNET

183. FOR THE WORLD TO SEE, AND FOR

184. THAT WE THANK YOU.

185. OKAY, LET'S BRING HER DOWN!

186. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH

187. SCARLETT TAKES A TUMBLE, BUT

188. FIRST

189. YOU THINK ALL OF THE GREAT

190. WEBSITE NAMES ARE TAKEN?

191. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

192. HERE'S JUST A SAMPLE OF SOME

193. UNCLAIMED DOMAIN NAMES THAT ARE

194. AVAILABLE NOW.

195. BUT YOU'VE GOT TO HURRY!

196. TAKE THAT A FROM JOHN AND KATE.

197. JESUS CHRYSLER.

198. REAL DOLL LOVE AFFAIRS.

199. JELLY TUGS.COM.

200. OH!

201. AT LEAST SHE WASN'T ON THE

202. IRONING BOARD.

203. CHRIS ROCK SAID, "THE ONLY JOB A

204. FATHER HAS IS TO KEEP THEIR

205. DAUGHTERS OFF THE POLE.".

206. GUESS HE FORGOT ABOUT THE TABLE.

207. SURE, MAYBE IT'S FUNNY WHEN

208. SCARLET TAKES HER TUMBLE, BUT

209. DOES SHE REALLY DESERVE TO BE

210. TEASED FOR TRYING TO MAKE A

211. CHARMING VIDEO?

212. NO!

213. OK, MAYBE.

214. HEY, YOU KNOW WHO REALLY NEEDS

215. TO TAKE A TUMBLE?

216. ONLY I WISH THEY'D FALL OFF A

217. MOUNTAIN.

218. LIKE, THE BIGGEST MOUNTAIN EVER.

219. ANYWAY WHERE WAS I.

220. OH YEAH, SCARLETT.

221. HEY, AT LEAST SHE ISN'T HUMPING

222. THE FURNITURE.

223. DID SHE NEED TO SING UP ON THAT

224. COFFEE TABLE?

225. NO.

226. DID SHE NEED TO HANG TEN ON THE

227. EDGE?

228. GOOD LORD, NO.

229. BUT SHE DID IT ANYWAY.

230. WHY?

231. BECAUSE LIKE ANY TRUE ARTIST,

232. SHE'S A RISK-TAKER!

233. OBVIOUSLY, I HAD TO MEET UP THE

234. GIRL WHO REFUSED TO STAY DOWN.

235. SO LET'S SEE IF SCARLETT HAS

236. WHAT IT TAKES TO GET HER GROOVE

237. BACK IN THIS WEEK'S WEB

238. REDEMPTION.

239. AND PAGE ALSO KNOWN AS

240. SCARLETT.

241. IT WAS THE FIRST NAME THAT

242. POPPED IN MY HEAD.

243. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

244. IT HURT BUT I DIDN'T HURT

245. ANYTHING.

246. I JUST BRUISED THE BACK OF MY

247. LEG.

248. AND SINGING AND DO YOU ENJOY

249. SINGING.

250. YES.

251. YOU USED THE WORD BALANCE.

252. I REMEMBER THAT.

253. HOW DID PEOPLE IN HIGH SCHOOL

254. RESPONSIBLE.

255. EVERY NOW AND THEN SOMEONE IS

256. NOT REALLY COOL.

257. KIDS ARE SO MEAN.

258. AND WHEN THEY WOULD DO

259. SOMETHING STUPID.

260. AND THEY WOULD BE NOT AS STUPID

261. AS STANDING AS A TABLE.

262. I DON'T THINK STANDING ON A

263. TABLE WAS THE STUPID PART.

264. I WOULD SAY WALKING TO THE

265. VERY EDGE OF THE TABLE

266. I FORGOT WHERE I WAS FOR A

267. SPLIT SECOND AND IT JUST ALL

268. HAPPENED.

269. PAIGE, SCARLET ARE YOU READY

270. TO BEGIN YOUR TRAINING.

271. AS READY AS I'LL EVER BE.

272. WHY DO WE FALL.

273. BECAUSE.

274. WHY DO WE FALL.

275. SO WE CAN GET BACK UP

276. I BROUGHT IN 3 TIME OLYMPIC

277. COACH.

278. YOU HELP HER WITH HER

279. BALANCE.

280. I'M GOING TO FIND A MUSIC

281. PRODUCER.

282. OKAY.

283. OCCASIONALLY SHE LIKES TO

284. HEAR YOU CAN DO IT.

285. OKAY.

286. YOU CAN DO IT.

287. KEEP YOUR BALANCE FORWARD,

288. YOU CAN DO IT.

289. YOU CAN DO IT.

290. YOU CAN DO IT.

291. PAIGE YOU ARE COMING ALONG

292. WONDERFULLY.

293. THIS IS TIM.

294. TIM IS A HOLLYWOOD COMPOSER.

295. HE IS GOING TO PERFECT THE

296. SONG.

297. ALL RIGHT TIM GO GET STONED OR

298. WHATEVER.

299. WELL, PAIGE THE WORLDS EVERY

300. WORLD WANTS TO KNOW ARE YOU

301. READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT.

302. I'M READY.

303. I'M NERVOUS.

304. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE

305. GIVE A WARM ROUND OF APPLAUSE

306. FOR SCARLETT.

307. THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS,

308. YES.

309. THAT SONG IS AVAILABLE TO

310. DOWNLOAD ON OUR WEBSITE.

311. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TERRELL

312. OWENS.

313. [CLAPPING AND CHEERING [.

314. NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE PRANK

315. OF THE WEEK.

316. YOU LIKE THAT?

317. AND THAT WAS THE PRANK OF THE

318. WELCOME BACK.

319. A LITTLE LATER YOU'LL SEE A NEW

320. VIDEO MADE TERRELL OWENS, BUT

321. FIRST I HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO

322. SIT DOWN WITH SPENCER AND HEIDI,

323. HOLLYWOOD'S HOTTEST COUPLE.

324. AND BY HOTTEST, I MEAN MOST

325. ANNOYING.

326. WE'RE HERE WITH REALITY STARS

327. HEIDI AND SPENCER.

328. IT MUST BE HARD BEING THAT

329. STUPID.

330. HOW DO YOU MANAGE?

331. AND SHE MANAGES HERSELF.

332. I'M LIKE HER SECRETARY.

333. I HATE YOU.

334. I WOULD LOVE TO BASH BOTH OF

335. YOU IN THE FACE WITH A

336. PILLOWCASE FULL OF DOORKNOBS.

337. SPENCER, WHO IS AT THIS POINT

338. DOESN'T THINK YOU TWO SHOULD BE

339. BURIED ALIVE.

340. PROBABLY JUST US.

341. HEIDI YOU'VE HAD YOUR BOOBS,

342. FACE AND CHIN REDONE.

343. IT'S LIKE ON THIRD OF YOUR

344. YEARLY SALARY.

345. DID ONE OF YOU PEE YOUR

346. PANTS.

347. MAYBE.

348. MAYBE.

349. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

350. WE SHOULD FIGURE THAT OUT.

351. HEIDI, SPAEN SIR THANK YOU SO

352. MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR

353. BUSY SCHEDULES.

354. THAT'S HARD TO EVEN SAY.

355. GOODNIGHT. FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR BU

356. SCHEDULES.

357. THAT'S HARD TO EVEN SAY.

358. GOODNIGHT. MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YO

359. BUSY SCHEDULES.

360. THAT'S HARD TO EVEN SAY.

361. GOODNIGHT.

362. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

363. OUR LAWYERS WANT ME TO MENTION,

364. THAT WAS NOT A REAL INTERVIEW

365. AND HEIDI HAS NOT HAD A CHIN

366. JOB YET.

367. LIVE VIA WEB CHAT, PLEASE

368. WELCOME TERRELL OWENS.

369. TERRELL.

370. CAN YOU HEAR ME.

371. YEAH I CAN HEAR YOU.

372. DID YOU BUY THAT SUIT OFF THE

373. RACK.

374. IT IS WONDERFUL.

375. THANK YOU

376. WHY DID YOU PRERECORD ALL

377. YOUR APOLOGIES.

378. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD

379. IDEA

380. WE'RE EXCITED TO HAVE YOU ON

381. OUR SHOW.

382. THANK YOU.

383. THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

384. HOW YOU GUYS DOING.

385. IT'S GOING TO BE A BUSY SEASON.

386. I FIGURED I'D GET ALL MY FUTURE

387. APOLOGIES OUT OF THE WAY RIGHT

388. NOW.

389. LET'S BEGIN.

390. I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO MY

391. TEAMMATES AND MY COACH FOR THE

392. EXCESSIVE CELEBRATIONS.

393. I GUESS I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT

394. GETS EXCITED.

395. I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR

396. THE JOE BUCK SHOW.

397. SOMEONE NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE FOR

398. THAT SHOW.

399. I KNOW I'M REALLY AWESOME,

400. AND I MAKE AWESOME PLAYS BUT IN

401. THE INTEREST OF FAIRNESS, YOU

402. GOT TO SHOW OTHER PEOPLE.

403. SORRY ABOUT WINDOWS VISTA.

404. NOT THE OPERATING SYSTEM I

405. THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

406. I'M SORRY FOR THE STOCK, AND

407. HOUSING MARKET.

408. I'M SORRY FOR THAT TOUCHDOWN

409. DANCE WHERE I HAD SEX WITH YOUR

410. GIRLFRIEND.

411. THAT WAS REALLY RUDE.

412. LADY IN RED AND IT FELT LIKE

413. BARF AND I TRIED TO BLAME IT ON

414. THE COUPLE NEXT TO US.

415. GUESS WHAT.

416. IT WAS ME, AND I APOLOGIZE.

417. GIVE ME THE BALL.

418. I'M ALWAYS ON THE BALL.

419. THANK YOU T.O.

420. TO SEE EVEN MORE APOLOGIES THAT

421. DIDN'T MAKE IT TO OUR SHOW GO TO

422. COMEDY CENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0.

423. AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE, BRUSH

424. YOUR HAIR AND DON'T FORGET YOUR

425. STINKY UNDERWEAR.

426. UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEO FOR A

427. CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF

428. THE WEEK.

429. THIS WEEK'S SUBMISSION COMES TO

430. US FROM TURKEYNECK.NET

431. GROSS MOM.

432. ONCE A MONTH.

433. YES, SWEETIE.

434. EVERY MONTH?

435. YES, SWEETIE BUT THAT IS THE

436. PRIVILEGE OF BEING A WOMAN.

437. WHEN YOU'RE READY TO YOU CAN

438. HAVE A BABY.

439. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT

440. EVERY MONTH YOU GET AN ABORTION.

441. COME HERE.

442. THEY'RE CALLING ME SHERYL.

443. I LOVE THAT.

444. THANKS GUYS.

445. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

446. SHORTIES WATCHING SHORTIES.

447. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

448. MAKE SURE YOU WATCH OUR NEXT

449. SHOW WHEN WE GIVE CHRIS CROCKER

450. SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT.

451. AND ALSO, MAKE SURE YOU GO TO

452. OUR WEBSITE

453. COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0 WHERE

454. WE HAVE A NEW DAVID KOECHNER

455. FLOWER SHOP VIDEO, MORE TO

456. APOLOGIES AND MORE UNCUT HEIDI &

457. SPENCER FOOTAGE.

458. OKAY, IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR

459. AGAIN WHEN WE CELEBRATE OUR

460. COUNTRY'S INDEPENDENCE SO WE'VE

461. MADE A MASH UP OF SOME OF THE

462. INTERNET'S MOST MEMORABLE

463. NATIONAL ANTHEMS.

464. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA.

465. PLAY BALL!

466. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

467. LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL PHELPS IS

468. STILL SMOKE POT.

469. IT'S LIKE WATCHING A JUMBO JET

470. LAND AN AIRCRAFT.

471. WHEN I MEANT TO SAY BEFORE THE

472. STUPID TIME RAN OUT IT'S LIKE I

473. DON'T CARE I WILL GET THIS JOKE

474. OUT.

475. IT'S LIKE WATCHING A JUMBO JET

476. LAND AN AIRCRAFT.

477. NO, BACK IT UP.

478. IT'S LIKE WATCHING A JUMBO JET

479. LAND ON AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER.

480. I KNOW.

481. OKAY.

482. OUT OF TIME.

483. HAD YOU EVER PUT SOME THINGS ON

484. THAT COFFEE TABLE BEFORE.

485. NO.

486. LOOK, IT, I'M GOING TO DIE.

487. I NOTICED THERE WAS SOME

488. IRONING THAT NEEDED TO BE

489. ATTENDED NEXT TO THE TABLE.

490. DID YOU EVER GET AROUND TO DOING

491. THAT.

492. YES.

493. I DID.

494. THAT'S THE ONE THING I

495. NOTICED.

496. ON THE LEFT THERE WAS AN IRONING

497. BOARD.