Tosh.0 1x15

1. - YEAH? THERE YOU HAVE IT.

2. COME ON. YEAH?

3. - NO, LET ME GO, PLEASE!

4. - WE'RE GONNA DO IT. COME ON.

5. - I PROMISE.

6. - THANK YOU.

7. THAT'S WHY I STOPPED TAKING BATHS AT THE GYM.

8. WELCOME TO TOSH.0.

9. OHH, THAT VIDEO MADE ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE

10. FOR THE FIRST 20 MINUTES.

11. ALL I KEPT THINKING WAS,

12. MAN, THESE GUYS' WIVES ARE GONNA GIVE THEM SO MUCH CRAP

13. WHEN THEY SEE THIS.

14. HIS MOUTH IS SAYING NO, OVER AND OVER,

15. YET HIS CHISELED ABS ARE SCREAMING YES.

16. IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS A BONER.

17. THAT'S WHAT MY GRANDMA ALWAYS SAID.

18. WE HAVE A PRETTY SWELL SHOW TODAY.

19. TONIGHT, WE GIVE THE TRAMPLED CHEERLEADER

20. A WEB REDEMPTION.

21. WE FIND OUT IF THIS IS REAL OR FAKE.

22. AND I'LL BE ANSWERING YOUR CELEBRITY TWITTER QUESTIONS.

23. ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED

24. BY CHECKING IN ON A SAFARI.

25. - AAH!

26. MONKEYS HAVING SEX ON YOUR CAR,

27. OR LISTENING TO YOUR WIFE AND HER FRIENDS

28. CACKLE IN YOUR EAR?

29. TWO-PUMP CHIMP.

30. DO YOU NEED MORE PROOF THAT WE'VE DESCENDED FROM MONKEYS?

31. AFTER HE FINISHES, HE IMMEDIATELY TAKES A NAP.

32. TALK ABOUT YOUR ROUGH RIDER. HE'S HITTING IT BAREBACK.

33. THAT'S RISKY.

34. I DON'T MEAN TO STEREOTYPE,

35. BUT SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE HAS AIDS.

36. SHE DOES.

37. THAT ASS WAS INFECTED.

38. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S A QUESTION WE'VE ALL ASKED OURSELVES.

39. HOW MANY UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS DOES IT TAKE

40. TO MAKE YOUR CAR DO THIS?

41. YEAH, GET IT! YEAH!

42. OH, MAN, EVEN THEIR CARS JUMP HIGHER.

43. I THINK THAT TRANSFORMER'S RETARDED.

44. REBUILDING YOUR CAR IS SO MUCH MORE FUN

45. THAN REBUILDING YOUR COMMUNITY.

46. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THERE IS A PRACTICAL REASON

47. TO INSTALL HYDRAULICS.

48. MONKEYS DO NOT HAVE SEX ON MY CAR.

49. TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY.

50. I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS HALF CHOLO.

51. ELBOWS OUT.

52. IF YOU GIVE THE TEACHER IN THIS NEXT VIDEO AN APPLE,

53. CHANCES ARE, HE'LL MAKE A BONG OUT OF IT.

54. BOSTON'S A GREAT CITY.

55. I LOVE TO GO TO OLD CHURCHES.

56. GOD, I'M HAVING...

57. MAJOR MEMORY LOSSES TODAY.

58. GRAB THIS ONE.

59. OKAY...

60. - I BET THAT'S WHERE DRE GOT HIS DOCTORATE.

61. THE CLIP'S FUNNY IF YOU'RE STONED,

62. EVEN FUNNIER IF YOUR PARENTS PAID FOR COLLEGE.

63. ACTUALLY, IT'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDER CLASSES

64. AT ARIZONA STATE.

65. THERE'S TWO RULES

66. BE ON TIME AND BE COOL, BRO.

67. BE COOL.

68. I ACTUALLY AUDITED THAT CLASS.

69. - BUT...

70. BOSTON'S A GREAT CITY.

71. - IS THAT GONNA BE ON THE TEST?

72. - UM, UH... BLAH-BLUH-BLUH-BLUH.

73. - DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MAN?

74. - I LOVE TO GO TO OLD CHURCHES.

75. - WEIRD.

76. - CURSE WORDS.

77. YOU READY FOR CURSE WORDS?

78. - , YEAH!

79. REMEMBER, KIDS.

80. WEED IS AGAINST THE LAW.

81. BUT GETTING PISS DRUNK AND WALKING INTO A 7-11

82. IS COMPLETELY LEGAL.

83. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? OHH.

84. IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN DAVID HASSELHOFF GETS DRUNK

85. BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW NO ONE'S AT RISK

86. BECAUSE KITT CAN DRIVE HIMSELF.

87. ALL RIGHT, LET'S PUT 20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK

88. AND SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS WE CAN POST.

89. OBVIOUSLY, HE HAS A HISTORY OF BAD DECISIONS,

90. STARTING WITH HIS PONY TAIL.

91. A COUPLE APPLETINIS DOES THE EXACT SAME THING TO ME.

92. HE'S NOT THAT DRUNK.

93. HE JUST WALKED RIGHT PAST THOSE GAS STATION HOT DOGS.

94. LOOKS LIKE HE'S GETTING HIS ASS KICKED BY A GHOST.

95. PATRICK SWAYZE.

96. NO, NO, BUT PATRICK SWAYZE FROM ROADHOUSE.

97. MAYBE HE GOT A FLU SHOT

98. AND HIS BODY'S REACTING BADLY TO IT.

99. HAVE YOU SEEN THAT VIDEO? GO TO YOUTUBE.

100. CHECK IT OUT.

101. DYSTONIA? UGH. HOT CHICK? THANKS.

102. GUESS WHO'S NEVER GETTING A FLU SHOT AGAIN.

103. ME! OR ANYONE I DATE.

104. WALK BACKWARDS.

105. I'M SORRY, HOLD ON.

106. WE HAVE TO INTERRUPT TOSH.0

107. FOR SOME BREAKING NEWS FROM CANADA.

108. LET'S GO LIVE.

109. - ALL RIGHT, SO I'VE GOT MY TRUSTY STOPWATCH,

110. AND HERE THEY COME DOWN THE HILL.

111. IT LOOKS LIKE RUBEN IS IN THE LEAD, AND HERE COMES AL—

112. - OHH, I'D WATCH NASCAR

113. IF THE ANNOUNCERS WOULD CALL IT FROM THE TRACK.

114. LET'S LEARN HOW A SLED ALMOST TURNED THIS DAN RATHER WANNABE

115. INTO A SNOW ANGEL IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

116. OH! POOR ROB LETH.

117. JUST A YOUNG CANADIAN REPORTER

118. WEARING A GIANT GOOSE DOWN PARKA.

119. THERE'S NO SHORTAGE OF DANGEROUS ASSIGNMENT HE COULD GET—

120. THE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN,

121. THE DRUG CARTELS IN MEXICO,

122. FIGURING OUT WHAT THAT CRAP IS ON SEAL'S FACE.

123. BUT INSTEAD, HE DOES A PUFF PIECE

124. ABOUT AN INNER TUBE RACE.

125. WHY? BECAUSE THE PUBLIC HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW.

126. - ALL RIGHT, SO I'VE GOT MY TRUSTY STOPWATCH,

127. AND HERE THEY COME DOWN THE HILL.

128. - STARTS OUT LIKE ANY OTHER NEWS DAY IN CANADA—

129. SLOW.

130. I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW ROB'S

131. GONNA USE HIS TRUSTY STOPWATCH

132. WITH MITTENS ON.

133. - IT LOOKS LIKE RUBEN IS IN THE LEAD,

134. AND HERE COMES AL—

135. - RUBEN IS CLOSING IN QUICK.

136. MOVE, BITCH. GET OUT THE WAY.

137. GET OUT THE WAY, BITCH. GET OUT THE WAY.

138. THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT FAKE KOBE BRYANT COMMERCIAL.

139. OH, MAN.

140. HEY, KOBE, NEXT TIME, TRY IT OVER A BUS.

141. THAT'S PULLING AN RV.

142. THAT'S CONNECTED TO A WOOD CHIPPER.

143. ALL RIGHT, BACK TO THE VIDEO.

144. OH! HE DROPS THE STOPWATCH.

145. OH, NO, NOW WE'RE NEVER GONNA FIND OUT

146. IF RUBEN HAS THE COURSE RECORD.

147. BUT HE DID PULL OFF THE BACKSIDE RODEO FLIP.

148. GOOD THING THEY HAVE FREE HEALTH CARE IN CANADA.

149. SHOW IT AGAIN.

150. UNH!

151. AT LEAST THE FLIP PUT ROB'S HOOD ON HIS HEAD FOR HIM.

152. IT'S PROBABLY HIS DEAD MOTHER SAYING,

153. "BUNDLE UP, SON. I STILL LOVE YOU."

154. THOSE WERE BUTTERFLY KISSES.

155. ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE TIME,

156. JUST IN CASE ROB IS WATCHING FROM HIS WHEELCHAIR.

157. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY.

158. ANDERSON COOPER'S BEEN SEARCHING HIS WHOLE CAREER

159. FOR A STORY WHERE GETS NAILED BY A YOUNG MAN.

160. WAS THAT BELOW THE WAIST?

161. - THAT WAS A BAD IDEA.

162. - WRONG, THAT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

163. - AT RIVERSIDE PARK, ROB LETH, GLOBAL NEWS.

164. - AND, LIKE ANY TRUE PROFESSIONAL,

165. ROB MANAGED TO FIGHT THROUGH THE INTERNAL BLEEDING

166. LONG ENOUGH TO SIGN OFF,

167. AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.

168. COMING UP, WE GIVE THE TRAMPLED CHEERLEADER

169. A WEB REDEMPTION.

170. BUT FIRST, HERE'S YOUR URBAN DICTIONARY WORD OF THE DAY.

171. - IT'S NOT FUNNY.

172. SHE'S GONNA BE OUT FOUR TO SIX WEEKS

173. WITH A BROKEN SPIRIT.

174. READY? OKAY!

175. CHEERLEADERS ACCOUNT FOR OVER 60%

176. OF ALL FEMALE HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS INJURIES.

177. TRUE STAT.

178. IT ALSO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OVER 85%

179. OF ALL HIGH SCHOOL PREGNANCIES.

180. MADE UP STAT.

181. I'M ALL FOR GIRLS SLUTTING UP ON THE SIDELINES,

182. BUT THESE DAYS, THERE'S ONLY ONE LADY

183. I WANT TO SEE IN A SKIMPY OUTFIT ON THE FIELD.

184. THE TRUTH IS CHEERLEADING IS PRETTY MUCH

185. ONLY GOOD FOR ONE THING.

186. AND THAT'S TEACHING GIRLS WITH SMALL BOOBS

187. HOW TO MAKE UP FOR IT BY BEING REALLY FLEXIBLE.

188. DO WE NEED CHEERLEADERS?

189. IS ANYONE CONFUSED ABOUT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO CHEER?

190. I KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR.

191. THAT'S WHY I TEASE THE LINE DOWN TO THREE

192. AN PUT A GRAND ON INDY TO COVER.

193. AND STOP YELLING AT THE PLAYERS TO BE AGGRESSIVE.

194. "BE-BE AGGRESSIVE."

195. I'M PRETTY SURE THE COACH PASSED ALONG

196. THAT LITTLE STRATEGIC NUGGET BACK IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

197. YOU'RE THERE TO LOOK HOT DURING TIME OUTS.

198. UNLESS YOU'RE A BASE.

199. THEN YOU NEED TO BE THICK ENOUGH

200. TO HOLD UP THE HOT CHEERLEADERS

201. SO WE CAN SEE THEM BETTER AND PRETEND YOU'RE NOT THERE.

202. SURE, CHEERLEADERS CAN BE ANNOYING,

203. BUT NO ONE DESERVES TO GET TRAMPED BY A FOOTBALL TEAM,

204. EXCEPT MAYBE THIS GUY.

205. OHH... THERE'S ONLY ONE OCTOBER,

206. AND, THANKS TO YOUR INCESSANT PROMOS,

207. MINE WAS RUINED.

208. BUT CALI THE CHEERLEADER DOESN'T HAVE

209. AN UNWATCHABLE TALK SHOW THAT FEELS LIKE A STREET PARTY

210. IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD.

211. SO WE INVITED HER TO JOIN THE TOSH.0 SQUAD

212. FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO WORK IT—

213. HEY, HEY, YEAH, WORK IT—

214. IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

215. - CALI.

216. OH, HO HO!

217. RUN THROUGH.

218. - AAH!

219. - TELL ME ABOUT THAT INFAMOUS NIGHT.

220. - UH, IT WAS HOMECOMING NIGHT.

221. AND OUR CHEER TEAM WAS HOLDING UP THE BANNER

222. FOR THE RUN THROUGH.

223. THERE WASN'T ANY HOLES.

224. LIKE, USUALLY, WHEN YOU MAKE A SIGN,

225. YOU LIKE RIP HOLES IN IT AND STUFF,

226. SO THAT WHEN THEY RUN THROUGH,

227. IT'S EASIER, LIKE, TO BREAK.

228. - GOT IT. AND IT WAS NOT?

229. - SO IT RIPS EASIER. NO, AND SO—

230. - SO WERE YOU PERFORATING AT THE LAST MINUTE?

231. - I WAS PERFORATING AT THE LAST MINUTE, YES.

232. - THAT SEEMS LIKE AN AWFUL IDEA.

233. YOU DO KNOW THAT FOOTBALL PLAYERS

234. - YEAH. - YEAH.

235. - SO THEY HAD NO CLUE YOU WERE THERE.

236. - BUT THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO COME OUT YET.

237. THEY WERE—THEY WERE PREMATURE ON THEIR—

238. - TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL KIDS.

239. - RIGHT.

240. - WAS THE DANCE THAT NIGHT?

241. - IT WAS THE NEXT NIGHT.

242. - DID YOU HAVE SEX?

243. - I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

244. - I DID NOT HAVE SEX. - YOU DIDN'T?

245. - BECAUSE I SIGNED A PAPER

246. PROMISING MY COMMUNITY

247. THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE SEX.

248. BUT I HAD MY LAWYER PUT A REVISION IN THE CONTRACT

249. THAT I COULD BLAST SOMEONE.

250. - OH, MY GOD.

251. - HUH?

252. - DID YOU EVER GO TO THE INNER CITY

253. TO STEAL CHEERS FROM THE BLACK SCHOOLS?

254. WE WERE THE BLACK SCHOOL.

255. - OHH!

256. YOU GUYS WERE THE ONES

257. THAT WERE DOING ALL THE SLUTTY STUFF

258. AND SHAKING YOUR ASSES.

259. - DUH.

260. - WHAT DID CHEERLEADING TEACH YOU ABOUT LIFE?

261. - NOTHIN'.

262. - ALL RIGHT, LET ME FINISH PAINTING THIS AWFUL THING,

263. AND WE'LL GET OUT ON THE FIELD.

264. GET YOU PROPERLY TRAINED

265. TO RELIVE THAT MAGICAL MOMENT.

266. HE-HEY! HOW ARE YOU?

267. WE GOTTA WORK ON YOUR ABILITY

268. TO DODGE PEOPLE

269. AND MAYBE PUT A HURTIN' ON THEM.

270. STEP TO THE SIDE, TAKE 'EM DOWN LIKE THAT—CLOTHESLINE.

271. - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT?

272. THEY'RE COMING AT YOU.

273. BOOT TO FACE.

274. OKAY, THAT'S HOGAN'S.

275. COME ON, CALI! COME ON, CALI!

276. COME ON!

277. LET'S GO, SALLY. - I DON'T...

278. - REALLY?

279. TWO.

280. THREE.

281. WORK ON VISUALIZATION.

282. - I'M GONNA VISUALIZE.

283. - VISUALIZE YOURSELF NOT GETTING TRAMPLED.

284. CAN YOU DO THIS WITH GUM?

285. - PROBABLY.

286. WHAT'S THE FIVE-SECOND RULE ON THAT?

287. LET'S GO. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

288. LET'S GO, LET'S GET CHANGED.

289. A LITTLE HUSTLE OUT OF YOU.

290. THAT'S WHY YOU GOT TRAMPLED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

291. OKAY, CALI, THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

292. ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

293. - I'M READY.

294. - YAY! - OKAY.

295. ALL RIGHT.

296. - OH, WAIT! - WAIT, CALI!

297. NOOOO!

298. CALI, NOOO!

299. NOOOO!

300. IT DIDN'T EVEN FEEL CLOSE, DID IT?

301. BY THE WAY, WE LOST THAT GAME,

302. BUT IT WASN'T BECAUSE OF OUR CHEERING.

303. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD ENOUGH MONEY

304. TO DRESS SIX PLAYERS.

305. BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP US FROM CELEBRATING.

306. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

307. BUT FIRST, HERE'S YOUR PRANK OF THE WEEK,

308. WHICH I'M TOLD NOW HAS A NEW SPONSOR.

309. THIS SHOW IS A CASH COW, EXECUTIVES AT COMEDY CENTRAL

310. THAT ARE STILL ON THE FENCE ABOUT PICKING US UP

311. FOR A SEASON TWO.

312. male announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE PRANK OF THE WEEK.

313. - THAT REALLY HURT.

314. AAH!

315. JESS!

316. AND THAT WAS THE PRANK OF THE WEEK,

317. BROUGHT TO YOU BY HTC.

318. YOU DON'T NEED TO GET A PHONE.

319. YOU NEED A PHONE THAT GETS YOU.

320. - SAY WHAT YOU WILL,

321. BUT THOSE GUYS KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

322. THEY LOVE RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES.

323. MAYBE THAT'S WHY THEY WANTED TO CLEAR OUT POLAND.

324. SO THEY CAN HAVE MORE ROOM TO PLAY FRISBEE.

325. ALL RIGHT, AND NOW IT'S TIME

326. FOR REAL OR FAKE!

327. THAT'S WHERE WE TAKE A VIDEO FROM THE INTERNET

328. AND TELL YOU IF WHAT HAPPENS IN IT IS REAL...

329. OR FAKE!

330. - THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DIP.

331. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

332. LET'S LOOK AT TODAY'S CONTENDER.

333. - UNH! OH!

334. - HOLY!

335. - THIS ISN'T REAL.

336. WE ALL KNOW WOMEN DON'T POO.

337. BUT I HAVE A LONGER VERSION

338. THAT WILL PROVIDE EVERYONE WITH ALL THE ANSWERS.

339. - HOLY!

340. - OH. WHERE'S EVERYBODY HEADED?

341. OH, MY GOODNESS!

342. OH, YEAH, THAT'S HOT.

343. HOT!

344. OH, GOOD ONE. IT'S FAKE.

345. O'BRIEN, GET IN HERE.

346. IT'S FAKE. IT'S NOT REAL.

347. IT'S HOT, THOUGH. WHEW! REAL HOT.

348. WHOO, MAN. OH.

349. AH! OH!

350. - STOP! STOP! I'M REALLY GONNA.

351. I'M GONNA! - OH! OH!

352. - MY BAD.

353. - WAS THAT THE LEAD SINGER OF RADIOHEAD?

354. THOM YORKE, WHO KIND OF LOOKS LIKE HIM?

355. IF YOU WERE BLOWN AWAY

356. BY THOSE SPECIAL EFFECTS FROM THE BIT,

357. YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW WE STOLE THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER

358. FROM JAMES CAMERON'S AVATAR.

359. MONEY WELL SPENT.

360. IF YOU HAVE A FUNNY VIDEO, GO TO COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0

361. AND UPLOAD IT FOR A CHANCE

362. TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK.

363. THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS DUTCH WEST ON ATOM.COM.

364. - WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?

365. - I THROW UP WHEN I GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT ANYTHING.

366. - WHEN DID THIS BEGIN?

367. - UM, I GUESS IT REALLY STARTED—UGH!

368. - THANKS, GUYS.

369. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE KID NOTORIOUS.

370. - WELCOME BACK. DO YOU HAVE YOUR PAJAMAS ON?

371. I DO!

372. SINCE I'M IN SHOW BIZ,

373. AND I KNOW VIRTUALLY EVERY CELEBRITY—

374. BILL ALLEN? YEAH, HE'S IN MY CELL PHONE.

375. I ASKED YOU TO SEND ME TWITTER QUESTIONS

376. ABOUT FAMOUS PEOPLE,

377. AND NOW I'M GONNA ANSWER THEM.

378. HOPEFULLY WHEN TWITTER'S DEAD IN A MONTH OR TWO

379. WE WON'T HAVE TO DO THIS SEGMENT ANYMORE.

380. ALL RIGHT, THIS QUESTION I GOT A LOT OF VARIATIONS OF.

381. "DOES LADY GAGA ACTUALLY HAVE A DISCOSTICK, I.E: PENIS?"

382. I ACTUALLY ASKED HER,

383. BUT I COULDN'T TELL IF SHE WAS LYING

384. BECAUSE SHE HAS A GREAT P-P-P-POKER FACE.

385. SHE'S—WELL—

386. ALL RIGHT.

387. "HOW DOES A NOT SO FUNNY DOUCHE

388. GET HIS OWN SHOW ON COMEDY CENTRAL?"

389. OKAY, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.

390. DEMETRI MARTIN IS A WONDERFUL PERSON.

391. I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU IMPLYING THAT.

392. "IF YOU WERE LOOKED UP IN A ROOM

393. "WITH BOB SAGET AND HITLER

394. "AND YOU HAD A GUN WITH ONE BULLET,

395. WHO WOULD YOU SHOOT?"

396. OKAY, THAT IS NOT EASY.

397. I WOULD PROBABLY TAKE HITLER'S HEAD

398. AND PUT IT NEXT TO SAGET'S,

399. PULL THE TRIGGER, KILLING HITLER FIRST.

400. HOPEFULLY THE BULLET HAS ENOUGH SPEED

401. TO ALSO KILL BOB SAGET.

402. IF NOT KILL HIM, AT LEAST ALTER HIS PERSONALITY GREATLY.

403. HEH HEH HEH!

404. BY SLEEPING, DO YOU MEAN POUND TOWN?

405. ALEC IS UNGETTABLE. AGREED.

406. STEPHEN'S A JESUS FREAK. IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

407. DANIEL... I'M NO CHUBBY CHASER.

408. THAT LEAVES US WITH BILLY. YES, BILLY.

409. YOU WERE SO FANTASTIC IN SLIVER.

410. YOU IN THE BED IS LIKE WATCHING A CHEETAH

411. PREY ON SOMETHING LESS THAN A CHEETAH.

412. OH! MY AD LIB SKILLS ARE SHARP TONIGHT, BOYS.

413. WELL, ANYONE WHO HAS SEEN ENCINO MAN

414. KNOWS HE GETS A LIFETIME PASS.

415. IS THAT—THAT IS THE GREATEST MOVE EVER.

416. OH, MAN, HOLY COW!

417. DID YOU KNOW THEY'RE RUNNING THE VAPOR IN REVERSE?

418. OH! PAM IS A SAD, SAD MONSTER

419. AT THIS STAGE OF HER LIFE.

420. THAT BEING SAID, I'D MOTORBOAT THE OUT OF THEM.

421. HO HO HO HO!

422. IS THAT YOU, ARN ANDERSON?

423. THE FOUR HORSEMEN HAVE FALLEN, MY FRIEND.

424. OH.

425. AM I STILL WEARING THIS?

426. OH. IT'S SO UGLY!

427. I KNOW!

428. I'M SURPRISED IT DOESN'T HAVE MITTENS ATTACHED.

429. WE NEED MORE MONEY.

430. BE SURE TO JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR OUR SEASON FINALE

431. WHEN WE GIVE WEB REDEMPTIONS TO MICHAEL RICHARDS

432. AND THE STAR WARS KID.

433. PLUS BARD PITT AND DAVID BECKHAM LIVE ON THIS STAGE.

434. LINEUP SUBJECT TO CHANGE.

435. REMEMBER TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

436. SO WE CAN LIVE CHAT DURING THE SHOW.

437. AND MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT MY TOUR SCHEDULE.

438. GO TO OUR WEB SITE TO SEE EXTENDED INTERVIEWS

439. FROM OUR WEB REDEMPTIONS

440. AND FOLLOW OUR DAILY BLOG.

441. THANKS, EVERYBODY FOR MAKING JEFF DUNHAM

442. COMEDY CENTRAL'S NUMBER ONE SHOW.

443. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. GOOD NIGHT.

444. - TEACH YOU A CHEER? - SURE.

445. - OKAY. WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

446. - GIVE ME ONE— GIVE ME ONE—

447. DID YOU EVER DO THE COOKIE MONSTER?

448. - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

449. ♪ THE GREAT BIG COOKIES

450. [high-pitched voice] ♪ THE ITTY BITTY CRUMBS

451. - NO, BUT I WISH WE WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT.

452. I LIKE THAT ONE. - DID YOU DO U-G-L-Y?

453. - NO! - NO?