Torchwood 1x1

1. Yeah, everything is under control at the moment.

2. SOCO are on scene, over.

3. Probably three, over.

4. - Oh, sweetheart. - Gwen, I've got enough. It's an order.

5. Well, I've only just arrived, so tough.

6. What do I do now?

7. - Who is it? - Dunno. Some bloke.

8. - You going to Slimbo's on Friday? - What is it, drinks?

9. - Bit of pizza, I think. - Might do, yeah.

10. Aye, aye. What's happening there, then?

11. Yeah, SOCO are leaving the scene. Over.

12. - On you go. Come on, now. Come on.

13. Move back if you could. Thank you.

14. - Okay, now go. Back up. Back up. - Hey, what's going on?

15. Excuse me, sir. What is it? What's happening?

16. Buggered if I know. It's orders from above.

17. But the body's still in there, though, isn't it?

18. - We can't just leave it. - Move back, they said. Clear the site.

19. - Special access, they said. - For whom?

20. Torchwood.

21. - Who's Torchwood? - Special ops or something.

22. - Is that hot? - Yeah. Have it.

23. But they're not allowed in there. They could contaminate the evidence and all sorts.

24. - How can they... - Don't ask me.

25. There's no procedure any more. It's a fucking disgrace.

26. There you go. I can taste it.

27. Oestrogen. Definitely oestrogen.

28. You take the pill, flush it away, it enters the water cycle,

29. feminises the fish.

30. It goes all the way up into the sky and then falls all the way back down onto me.

31. Contraceptives in the rain. I love this planet.

32. Still, at least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again.

33. How's it going?

34. Nothing yet. It's got to connect. I've just got to feel it.

35. Then hurry up and feel it. Freezing my arse off here.

36. I can't just flick a switch. It's more like access.

37. - It grants me access. - Whatever that means.

38. It's like... Oh! Oh! Oh!

39. Position.

40. If I get punched again, I'm punching it right back.

41. Just concentrate. Suzie.

42. I was... I was... I was...

43. - Oh, my God. I was going home. - Listen to me.

44. We've only got two minutes so it's important that you listen, okay?

45. - Who are you? - Trust me. You're dead.

46. - How am I dead? - You were stabbed.

47. - But I'm not dead, I can see you. - We've brought you back, but we haven't got long.

48. I'm sorry, but you've got to concentrate.

49. - Who did this to you? What did you see? - Why am I dead?

50. - Who attacked you? - I don't wanna be dead.

51. Sixty seconds.

52. You've got to think. Just focus on me.

53. - What was the last thing you saw? - I didn't see any...

54. - I don't know. - Who killed you? Did you see them?

55. I don't know. There was something behind me.

56. Police said one stab wound in the back.

57. - So you didn't see anything? - No.

58. - What happens now? - Thirty seconds.

59. - But he didn't see anyone. - Don't waste it.

60. What else do I say?

61. - What's your name? - John. John Tucker.

62. - Okay, John. Not long now. - Who are you?

63. Captain Jack Harkness. Tell me, what was it like when you died?

64. What did you see?

65. John, tell me what you saw.

66. Ten seconds.

67. Nothing. I saw nothing.

68. Oh, my God. There's nothing.

69. Shit. I said it was stupid telling him he was dead.

70. - Well, you try it. - Trust me! Like that's gonna work.

71. Told the last corpse he was injured.

72. He wasted the whole two minutes screaming for an ambulance.

73. Maybe there's no right way of doing it.

74. What do you think?

75. Ah, your girlfriend, is it?

76. - You still up? - In here.

77. They said on the news, murder in the city centre. Were you there?

78. No. I don't know. Nothing to do with me.

79. - How come you're still up, though? - Banana Boat came round.

80. He was saying he's got plans. He's off again next summer.

81. - How come you're not pissed, then? - Oh, we had a cup of tea.

82. He's read this thing about diabetes.

83. Me and him having tea. That's middle age, that is.

84. - Some Chinese in the fridge. - No, I'm knackered.

85. - You coming to bed? - I'll just finish here. This man's found his sister.

86. I'll see you in a minute.

87. Yvonne, can you do me a favour? Can you do a search for me?

88. Join the queue.

89. It's a Captain Jack Harkness. Can you check him out?

90. I'm busy. There's proper channels, Gwen. What sort of captain?

91. - Don't know. Just captain. - If I've got time.

92. - Thanks! - Okay!

93. Sarah Pallister, 72. Murdered in her front room.

94. Rani Ghosh, 45. Murdered in Robin Tree Alley.

95. And now John Tucker, 19, murdered in Llangafelli Lane.

96. So far, there's absolutely nothing linking these three victims apart from the way they died.

97. As far as we can tell, all with the same weapon.

98. A blade approximately eight inches long, three inches deep.

99. The two women were stabbed from the front, but John Tucker was stabbed from behind.

100. - What does that tell us about the killer? - That he's a coward.

101. Those people last night, the people in the car, who were they?

102. - What's Torchwood? - Don't know.

103. - Special ops? - Yeah, but what does that mean?

104. I'll bet you 10 quid they're DNA specialists.

105. It's all DNA these days, like that CSI bollocks.

106. Cardiff. I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab.

107. Thank you very much, break it up!

108. Police. Break it up, thank you.

109. Ow!

110. Excuse me. Sorry.

111. It's all sealed off up there. Who did that?

112. - I thought it was you lot. - But what's it for? What's happened?

113. I don't know. 9:00 this morning it was all sealed off.

114. They never said. Chemicals or something.

115. Hello.

116. Sorry, I'm just looking for someone.

117. Yeah, right. Clever.

118. Anyway, I don't know if you saw a man come through here?

119. A tall man? In one of those big sort of military coats.

120. Okay. If you could answer, this is official business.

121. You all right?

122. That's good. That's a good mask sort of thing.

123. Look, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something,

124. but I think we can stop this now, okay?

125. It's all very well playing silly buggers, but I'm busy, all right?

126. Now, I'm looking for a man in a big grey coat.

127. I said, we can stop being silly.

128. Ma'am!

129. There you are. I did ask. I saw Dr Maheeb

130. 'cause I thought it was him who said about the police, but he said no.

131. Then I said about the chemicals and he said, " Don't be so stupid. What chemicals?"

132. So I don't know. Could be anything.

133. Who've you got with you there, then? So much for sealing it off.

134. Oh, there's a face. N ice one. Hey, I tell you, mate.

135. You should try plastic surgery. Not on the N HS, mind.

136. - You all right? - Yeah.

137. Bloody hell. That is brilliant.

138. That's like, um, Hellraiser.

139. That's first class, that is. Look at that. That... It's just like real teeth. Honest.

140. Go! Go! Go!

141. - Go! Go! Go! Go! - Okay. Get it down!

142. On the floor!

143. Oi.

144. Registration Charlie, Foxtrot, 06, Foxtrot, Delta, Uniform.

145. Charlie, Foxtrot, 06, Foxtrot, Delta, Uniform.

146. Hold on. I think Yvonne wants a word.

147. - No sign of a Captain Jack Harkness. - Did you search outside Cardiff?

148. No, that never even occurred to me. Course I did. I went nationwide.

149. There's about 15 Jacks and Johns with that surname. None of them's a captain.

150. Suppose he could have made it up.

151. The only Captain Jack Harkness on record is American.

152. - That's it! He's American. - Had you forgot to tell me?

153. - So who is he? - American volunteer.

154. Royal Air Force, 133 Squadron.

155. Except he disappeared. Vanished off the records, presumed dead.

156. - When was that? - 1941 at the height of the blitz.

157. On the morning of January the 21 st, 1941, Captain Jack Harkness failed to report for duty.

158. Never seen again until now. What's going on, Gwen? You seeing ghosts?

159. - You lot! Oi! Torchwood! - Oi!

160. - You can't leave that there. - Police.

161. I can see that, love, and you're still not leaving it there.

162. I'm talking to you. Excuse me! Move your bloody car.

163. Did you get anything on that registration?

164. No such number.

165. - What does that mean? - Doesn't exist.

166. Double checked with Swansea. Triple checked. There's nothing. No such vehicle.

167. But Temple's been asking about you, Gwen. You in trouble?

168. I have walked. I have bloody walked.

169. They were here, and then they were gone. And look.

170. There's nowhere to hide. They just disappeared.

171. Temple's not just livid. He's doing his nut.

172. There was a man. I'm telling you.

173. There was this porter, he was in a porter's uniform, and he was killed.

174. Or at least he was injured, he must have been injured, right in front of me.

175. This man in a mask sort of lashed out and...

176. And I have told you. All hospital staff, present and correct.

177. - I saw it. - That's sick.

178. Gwen, sweetheart, think about it. What sort of story is that?

179. You're not well. Come with me, I'll take you home.

180. - They were here. - Come on.

181. Hey, look at me. Hot pot.

182. Or as the French call it, "hot pot".

183. I should have phoned. I've got to work.

184. - You should be off sick. - I know.

185. But they were short and there's a match on tonight,

186. so I said I'd take another shift. I'm sorry.

187. Forgive me.

188. Go on, forgive me. Say you forgive me.

189. - You do, don't you? - Yeah.

190. Okay. I got to go.

191. - Enjoy. - Thank you.

192. Excuse me. Gwen Cooper, CID.

193. I'm making some inquiries round the Bay.

194. I need to check some people out on your list if that's okay.

195. I don't suppose you deliver to a Captain Jack Harkness?

196. - Oh, I don't know. - Well, could you have a look?

197. No. He's not a regular, anyway.

198. J Harkness or just Harkness?

199. No.

200. Okay, never mind. Thanks anyway.

201. - I don't suppose you've got a Torchwood. - Oh, aye.

202. We do them all the time. Good customers.

203. Oh, hiya. Sorry I'm late. Someone ordered pizza?

204. - Who's it for? - I think it's a Mr Harkness.

205. Don't keep him waiting.

206. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm rubbish. I give up.

207. He set me off.

208. - Well, that lasted 0.2 seconds. - H mm. She's actually carrying pizza.

209. Come on. She was gonna say, " Here's your pizza," and I was gonna say, " How much?"

210. And she says, "Oh, whatever, 20 quid,"

211. and I say, "Oh, I don't have any money."

212. I was working on a punch line. I'd have got there, but it would have been good.

213. There's your pizza. I think I'd better go.

214. - I think we've gone past that stage. - You must have been freezing out there.

215. How long you walking round? Three hours?

216. - You could see me? - Mmm-hmm.

217. And before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of Torchwood?

218. Uh, yeah, that would be me. Sorry, I'm a twat.

219. That man at the hospital.

220. That porter. What happened to him?

221. That was real, wasn't it? He was attacked.

222. - He's dead. - But there's no one gone missing.

223. We took the body, retrospectively changed the work rota,

224. planted a false witness who saw him leaving the hospital,

225. giving him an alibi for the next 48 hours,

226. so when his body's pulled out of the docks next Tuesday night,

227. - he's only been missing for three days. - He was murdered.

228. - Yeah. - And you covered it up.

229. It's my job.

230. And that other man, John Tucker?

231. - Last night in the alleyway, I saw you. - And what did you see?

232. - You revived him. - No.

233. - What did you see? - You resuscitated him.

234. No. What did you see?

235. - You brought him back to life. - Yeah.

236. Who are you?

237. - Torchwood. - What's Torchwood?

238. This is Torchwood. All around you.

239. And what happens to me?

240. - Oh. - I'm police.

241. Constable Gwen Cooper. You can't do anything.

242. Right, then, PC Cooper.

243. - Do you want to come see? - See what?

244. You saw the murder...

245. come and see the murderer.

246. Go with him.

247. What is Torchwood? Who are you? What is this place?

248. - What was that? - Pterodactyl.

249. Are you coming?

250. It's all right, it's safe. It's sedated.

251. It's called a Weevil. Or at least, we call them Weevils.

252. We don't know their real name because they're not too good at communicating.

253. But we've got a couple of hundred of them in the city, living in the sewers,

254. feeding off the... Well, it's the sewers.

255. You can guess.

256. But every once in a while, one of them goes rogue, comes to the surface, attacks.

257. Actually, it's been happening more and more and we have no idea why.

258. But it's alien.

259. Look into its eyes.

260. There you go.

261. Take your time.

262. It was born on a different world, and it's real.

263. - Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper. - Dr Owen Harper, thank you.

264. Toshiko Sato, computer genius. Suzie Costello, she's second in command.

265. And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time.

266. - I try my best. - And he looks good in a suit.

267. Careful. That's harassment, sir.

268. But why are you telling me their names?

269. I'm not supposed to know, am I? This is classified, isn't it?

270. - Way beyond classified. - Then you shouldn't be telling me.

271. - What are you gonna do to me? - What do you imagine?

272. Well, I've seen too much. Your names and everything, and the Weevil and...

273. You can dump him out in the water and lie about his death.

274. Okay, Tosh, finish that calibration tomorrow morning.

275. Owen, first thing, get a hold of Chandler and Bell, 'cause I think they're lying.

276. Ianto, if he needs backup, then you better be on standby.

277. Suzie, I know it's a pain in the ass, but I need the costing on the glove research.

278. And as for you, you're coming with me. This way.

279. I'm getting tired of following you.

280. No, you're not. And you never will.

281. Stand on here. Come on. Next to me.

282. Good night. Later.

283. Now, you came in through the front door.

284. Let's take the scenic route.

285. But...

286. But they can see the lift.

287. Why aren't they, I mean...

288. We are right out in the open. They can see everything.

289. - Do they look like they can see us? - No, but look at us.

290. We couldn't be any more public.

291. Hello! Hey! You there! Hello!

292. It's called a perception filter. He can sort of see us, but we don't quite register.

293. Just like something in the corner of your eye.

294. It only works on this exact spot.

295. Step off... Hi.

296. N ice night. Oh, and lo, we are perceived.

297. - How does it work? - No idea.

298. We know how to use it, not how it happens, but if I were to guess,

299. I would say that there was once a dimensionally transcendental chameleon circuit

300. placed right on this spot, which welded its perception properties

301. to a spatial-temporal rift.

302. But that sounds kind of ridiculous.

303. Invisible lift has got more of a ring to it, don't you think?

304. Hold on, if no one can see it when the lift's coming up,

305. there's a bloody big hole in the floor. Don't people fall in?

306. - That is so Welsh. - What is?

307. I show you something fantastic, you find fault.

308. - The thing is, I just don't understand... - No, I'll tell you what I don't understand.

309. You're gonna rattle on with that " How can this be true?" kind of shtick.

310. What's it gonna take for you people? If you want evidence of aliens,

311. how about that great big spaceship hovering over London on Christmas day?

312. What about the Battle of Canary Wharf? A Cyberman in every home?

313. My boyfriend says it's like a sort of terrorism.

314. Like they put drugs in the water supplies, psychotropic drugs,

315. causing mass hallucinations and stuff.

316. Yeah, well, your boyfriend's stupid.

317. Oh, you've met him?

318. So, you catch aliens?

319. - Yep. - You catch aliens for a living.

320. - Yes, we do. - You're an alien catcher.

321. - Yes, I am. - Caught any good aliens?

322. - Tons of them. - That's a hell of a job.

323. Sure is.

324. This is so weird.

325. And who are you, then?

326. - Captain Jack Harkness. - I did some research.

327. And there's only one Captain Jack Harkness on record, and he disappeared in 1941.

328. Well, that couldn't be me, could it?

329. We don't just catch aliens.

330. We scavenge the stuff they leave behind, find ways of using it,

331. arming the human race for the future.

332. The 21 st century's when it all changes, and you gotta be ready.

333. But who's in charge of you? Is it the government, or what?

334. We're separate from the government, outside the police, beyond the United Nations.

335. 'Cause if one power got hold of this stuff, they could use it for their own purposes.

336. But so could you.

337. All alien technology stays on the base. No one's allowed to take anything outside.

338. So go on, then. How the hell did you end up in Cardiff?

339. This is Torchwood Three. Torchwood One was London, destroyed in the battle.

340. Torchwood Two is an office is Glasgow. Very strange man.

341. Torchwood Three, Cardiff. Torchwood Four has kind of gone missing, but we'll find it one day.

342. So you just fancied Cardiff?

343. There's a rift in space and time running right through the city.

344. The Weevils didn't come in a spaceship. They kind of just slipped through.

345. All sorts of things get washed up here.

346. Creatures, time shifts, space junk, debris.

347. - Flotsam and jetsam. - Sounds like Cardiff, yeah.

348. Hey, hey, hey, don't knock it. I'm a citizen.

349. But where are you from?

350. - All sorts of places. - Thing is, we could liaise on this.

351. This serial killer. I could be like your liaison with the police.

352. Right, I can see the mistake. You think because we showed up at the scene of crime,

353. - we're out to catch the killer. - Mmm-hmm.

354. Sorry, nothing to do with us.

355. - Then what were you doing there? - Testing the glove.

356. We need murder victims, simple as that. The glove only works on the recently deceased,

357. and the more violent the trauma, the stronger the resurrection.

358. All we need is fresh meat.

359. No, you were asking that man, John Tucker. I saw you.

360. - You were asking him about his killer. - He'd just been murdered.

361. - What else are you gonna ask? - You could get an ID. You could help.

362. - We're busy. - And your work is more important.

363. Now you got it.

364. Well, that's tough shit 'cause if you let me go, then I have a duty.

365. I can tell them what you've got 'cause that glove could help us.

366. - If you remember. - What do you mean?

367. How's your drink?

368. - Have you poisoned me? - Don't be so dramatic.

369. It's an amnesia pill. My own recipe with a touch of denial and a dash of retcon.

370. Wake up tomorrow morning and you'll have forgotten everything about Torchwood.

371. Worse still, you'll have forgotten me.

372. Which is kind of tragic.

373. Don't think you can fight it by staying awake. I mixed in a little bit of sedative, too.

374. Then I'll tell someone.

375. Do you want to do that? Do you really want us to come and find them, too?

376. - You bastard. - Language. N ice knowing you, Gwen Cooper.

377. - Hello. - All right.

378. - You having a good time? - I was.

379. - Can I buy you a drink? - No, thanks. I'm fine.

380. - Am I wasting my time? - I don't know. Are you?

381. Look, I've got to be up early. I've got a hell of a day tomorrow,

382. and I really can't be bothered with all the chat.

383. So, do you want a drink, or what?

384. Bloody hell fire. You're coming home with me, you are.

385. Right now!

386. Oi, you bastard. Come here! Linda!

387. What are you doing with him? What the fuck do you think you're doing?

388. I'm taking him home and I'm having him. Now piss off.

389. What the fuck do you think you're doing with my girlfriend, you bastard?

390. Hey! I didn't know. She was on her own. She never said.

391. - You tosser. You fucking tosser. - Colin, button it. He's mine.

392. You want to have a go, do you? You want to have a go? Come on, mate.

393. Well, if it makes it easier...

394. - I'm so having you. - I'm having him first.

395. Taxi!

396. Did you get pissed?

397. No.

398. - What time is it? - 7:30.

399. - You said you were working last night. - I was.

400. Then how come you fell asleep in here?

401. I haven't. I was typing.

402. - That is work. - I'm not having a go. Just saying.

403. Not exactly clever going out on the lash when you've just had a bang on the head.

404. Hope you didn't drive in that state. Who were you with? Diane?

405. Must have been. Yeah.

406. - Have any luck? - With what?

407. Captain Jack Harkness.

408. - How do you mean? Who's he? - Oh, don't worry about me.

409. Just go ahead wasting my time.

410. - Hi. - Hi.

411. - Aye, aye. Come to see where the real work's done. - Yes, sir. That's right, sir.

412. - How's it going? - Sod all.

413. Is that the murder weapon?

414. Clever, mind. They worked it all out on a computer.

415. Took measurements from the stab wounds. Calculated the shape of the blade and stuff.

416. Even those prongs. I don't know how they do it.

417. Nasty looking beast, though.

418. - Do you recognise it? - No.

419. We're trying to trace it. Can't be that many of them.

420. Sort of ornamental.

421. We're checking the CDE logs with customs in case it's been imported.

422. Find the knife, we might find the killer.

423. Anyway, if it rings any bells, give us a shout.

424. Yeah. Thanks.

425. I said to Geoff...

426. it's vital, but was he having any of it? No, he's off and moaning,

427. says, "Who books the ground? Who pays the subs?"

428. Like we're ganging up on him. Practically said so. And all the time he's wheezing away

429. and he's getting more and more heated, and I am like, "Geoff..."

430. said, "You're in charge of transport." I said, "Mam, I can't go hopping on a truck

431. "just to come and pay you a visit." And that set off her then.

432. Should've heard it. All that Christmas stuff all over again.

433. I was like, "Oh, for God's sake, leave it."

434. Hello, again.

435. You were right.

436. You told Jack we should liaise with the police. I was the only one who bothered so...

437. I was the only one who saw the report.

438. They got a good likeness.

439. I'm arresting you for...

440. - How do I know you? - I thought you might have seen it,

441. and that can trip the amnesia, just one specific image if you're clever.

442. He said you were good.

443. Anyway...

444. it's not much good now, I can't really...

445. You were gonna put up a fight, so I've got...

446. Erm... hold on. Sorry.

447. There, that's better.

448. - Put it down. - You had to come back.

449. - Put down the gun. - You're the only one who can make the link.

450. Well, the only one in public.

451. Torchwood's gonna find out by morning, but I'll be gone.

452. I don't know where. Far away.

453. What am I gonna do?

454. I loved this job. I really loved it.

455. And now I've got to run.

456. Oh, Christ.

457. How can you do any other job after this one?

458. - Please, put down the gun. - 'Cause it gets inside you.

459. You do this job for long enough and you end up thinking...

460. How come we get all the Weevils and bollocks and shit?

461. Is that what alien life is? Filth?

462. But maybe there's better stuff out there. Brilliant stuff.

463. Beautiful stuff. Just, they don't come here.

464. This planet's so dirty, that's all we get. The shit.

465. I don't know what you're talking about.

466. I wish I could forget.

467. - Why did you kill those people? - For the glove.

468. Just... Just stay where you are.

469. I needed the bodies. That's how it works. Violent death.

470. It was so easy.

471. To bring them by, I just position myself behind the head so they never see me twice.

472. - You killed three people. - It was the only way.

473. The more I use the glove, the more I control it.

474. I don't understand. What glove? Where have I seen you before?

475. If I can get enough practice, then think what the glove could do.

476. If I could get it to work all the time on anything,

477. beyond the two minutes, if it could work permanently, it could resurrect.

478. Resurrection on demand for the whole world. Isn't that good?

479. Isn't it, though? Well, that's what I've been working for.

480. All day and all night. The rest of them go swanning about while I'm working.

481. You got to get inside this stuff. You surrender yourself to it.

482. I did with the knife and the glove.

483. And that's why the perception filter isn't gonna work on me.

484. What?

485. Who is he? Where did he come from?

486. What have you done?

487. - Please don't. - I can't let you go.

488. - Please. - I've got to.

489. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've got to. I've got to.

490. I've got to.

491. Put down the gun.

492. Suzie, it's over. Now, come with me.

493. I remember.

494. Owen and Toshiko,

495. you didn't tell them that you were shot in the head and survived.

496. You didn't tell them either. Followed my lead.

497. Keep doing that, and you might just get through this.

498. But she killed you.

499. - I can't die. - Okay.

500. But I can't.

501. Something happened to me a while back. Long story and far away.

502. But I was killed...

503. and then I was brought back to life, and ever since then...

504. I can't die.

505. - But how... - I don't know.

506. One day I'll find a doctor, the right sort of doctor, and maybe he can explain it, but until then...

507. Nothing kills you?

508. Well, it kind of freaks people out so...

509. Best if you don't say anything.

510. It doesn't matter anyway. You'll only wipe my memory again.

511. Why would I do that?

512. Torchwood's got a vacancy. Job going spare.

513. - Do you want it? - But...

514. - What do you need me for? - 'Cause maybe you were right.

515. We could do more to help.

516. What do you think? Do you want to join up?

517. Yeah.

518. I do. Yes.

519. Is that plane on fire?

520. I've got to go to work.

521. So let's see what we came for.

522. There's an alien on the loose.

523. We don't know where it is, why it's here, or what it's gonna do.

524. The overriding factor for the parasite is to have sex.

525. It's a struggle between where Carys ends and the alien begins.

526. Sorry?

527. What's this for?

528. Please help me!