1. 'Tonight - the new
Porsche Cayman on our track.'Copy !req
2. 'The Ferrari, the Ferrari
at the limit in Italy, Italy.'Copy !req
3. 'And an old Peugeot goes
past some goats.'Copy !req
4. Hello!Copy !req
5. Hello, good evening, thank you
so much, everybody, thank you!Copy !req
6. Thanks very much, everyone.Copy !req
7. Now, every few years Chevrolet
introduces a new Corvette,Copy !req
8. and they always say this is
the best sports car in America.Copy !req
9. And you go, yes,
in the same way thatCopy !req
10. I'm the best-dressed presenter
on Top Gear.Copy !req
11. Which, actually,
as you'll see later on, I am.Copy !req
12. Anyway, the truth is no Corvette
has ever been a match forCopy !req
13. the best that Europe can do.Copy !req
14. And it looks like it's
much the same story with this,Copy !req
15. the latest model.Copy !req
16. But is it?Copy !req
17. Well, Richard Hammond has been
finding out.Copy !req
18. 'To me,
Corvettes have always looked great.Copy !req
19. 'And for this one,
the seventh generation,Copy !req
20. 'they really have pulled out
all the stops.'Copy !req
21. Ohhh!Copy !req
22. Oh, yah.Copy !req
23. Ohhhh!Copy !req
24. Oh, no. Gets worse.Copy !req
25. They've even brought backCopy !req
26. the Stingray badge from the
classic Corvettes of the '60s.Copy !req
27. I'd say that was job done.Copy !req
28. 'Except it isn't,
because there's more.'Copy !req
29. We have a 6.2 litre V8,Copy !req
30. 460 horsepower
and the same number in torque,Copy !req
31. which means in any gear,
at any speed,Copy !req
32. you put your foot down...Copy !req
33. .. and stuff happens!Copy !req
34. There's the noise!Copy !req
35. There's the shove in the back.Copy !req
36. '0-60 is all over in
less than four seconds.Copy !req
37. 'Top speed - 190.'Copy !req
38. Why do the oaf and the bore
not get what's going on here?Copy !req
39. I mean, James May likes a car that
makes his fizzy bit fizz.Copy !req
40. This'd put a SodaStream
in his grundies.Copy !req
41. 'The Vette costs £65,000,Copy !req
42. 'which might sound like a lotCopy !req
43. 'until you compare it to its rivals
from this side of the pond.'Copy !req
44. To get a Jaguar F Type V8,
you'll need another 20,000.Copy !req
45. An Audi R8 V8, another 30,000.Copy !req
46. A 911 V8, well, you can't.
There's no such thing.Copy !req
47. But to get close to the
same power in a 911Copy !req
48. you'll need another £25,000.Copy !req
49. In fact, if you're looking for
a European sports carCopy !req
50. for the same money,Copy !req
51. you're looking at this.Copy !req
52. 'It's the latest version of
the 911's baby brother,Copy !req
53. 'the Porsche Cayman GTS.'Copy !req
54. But here's the thing -
even though the Cayman costsCopy !req
55. about the same as the Corvette,
when it comes to power difference,Copy !req
56. the gulf between them is wide enough
to swallow a supertanker.Copy !req
57. An American supertanker.Copy !req
58. This has 336 brake horsepower,
compared to the Corvette's 460.Copy !req
59. And this has 185 fewer torques.Copy !req
60. 'All of which means it's absolutely
pointless having a drag race.'Copy !req
61. We're going to do it anyway because
we are intelligent and thorough.Copy !req
62. Three, two, one, go!Copy !req
63. 'And there we are.Copy !req
64. 'As I said, absolutely pointless.'Copy !req
65. But here's the thing.Copy !req
66. In its own right, the Cayman GTS is
a small but magnificent little thing.Copy !req
67. Pitch-perfect engineering.Copy !req
68. Total precision.Copy !req
69. It just feels lithe, nimble,
compact, all those words,Copy !req
70. balance, poise,
predictability, tractability,Copy !req
71. all those good, lovely, yummy things.
It's got them all.Copy !req
72. The perfect example of exactly what
a European sports car should be.Copy !req
73. 'It's a crushing demonstration
of what's possible,Copy !req
74. 'what good engineering should be.Copy !req
75. 'And why Europe, not America,Copy !req
76. 'has always been where you turn
for proper sports cars.'Copy !req
77. So here we are -Copy !req
78. at that point in the test where,
traditionally, I'd say,Copy !req
79. "The Corvette looks brilliant,
great value, lots of fun, but..."Copy !req
80. And then I'd do a deep sigh.Copy !req
81. Sadly, in the company of the Porsche,Copy !req
82. the Corvette simply can't hack it.Copy !req
83. Then we'd play some sad music
and I'd say, "Back to the studio."Copy !req
84. 'But no. This time we're not
going back to the studio.Copy !req
85. 'We're going back to the Corvette,Copy !req
86. 'because this is no longer
some hillbilly hot rod.Copy !req
87. 'It's got suspension
made of carbon fibre.Copy !req
88. 'It has seat frames crafted from
ultra-light magnesium.Copy !req
89. 'It has different driving modes,
like you get in a Ferrari,Copy !req
90. 'and that big shouty V8 can
shut down half its cylindersCopy !req
91. 'to make it more economical.'Copy !req
92. Previous Corvette underbodies were
really not very far from that.Copy !req
93. But this is an all-new hi-tech
bonded aluminium affair thatCopy !req
94. manages to be lighter and stiffer.Copy !req
95. Best of all is that it was developed
at the Nurburgring, not Nashville.Copy !req
96. 'This means that the cornering is...'Copy !req
97. Well, it's a bit of an event!Copy !req
98. All this power, all this bigness,
but it's still essentially tameable.Copy !req
99. Remember when you had
a pet elephant as a kid?Copy !req
100. It's like that.Copy !req
101. It is Sweet Home Alabama,
it's cowgirls in denim shorts...Copy !req
102. Yes!
It's everything I wanted it to be!Copy !req
103. 'But what it is more is
a match for the Europeans.'Copy !req
104. Let's be quite clear here.Copy !req
105. It's not like the Corvette has lost
all of its redneck charm.Copy !req
106. If the Porsche is a laboratory
full of laser beams,Copy !req
107. this is a Wild West saloon.Copy !req
108. But you don't have to apologise
for it. You don't have to say,Copy !req
109. "Well, at least it's cheap,"
or, "It's the best they can do."Copy !req
110. It simply is good.Copy !req
111. In fact, it's the best sports car
ever to come out of America,Copy !req
112. and for once, you can't
follow that up with a joke.Copy !req
113. It's a good car.Copy !req
114. It is annoying.Copy !req
115. That is annoying, because for the
second time this series,Copy !req
116. I agree with you.
Actually, the second time in my LIFECopy !req
117. I agree with you. Right, you're not
going to call me Billy Bob Hammond?Copy !req
118. No, and nor am I going to
mention that jacket.Copy !req
119. No, no, I know, I know you
want me to but I'm not going to.Copy !req
120. What I'm actually going to do
is ask you this.Copy !req
121. Which one of these two
would you have?Copy !req
122. Uh, you see, that's
actually really difficultCopy !req
123. cos they are both epic to drive.Copy !req
124. They are.
You can't argue with that.Copy !req
125. But, I don't know, I don't think
the Porsche looks very good.Copy !req
126. It looks dowdy.
It does, so I'd have the Corvette.Copy !req
127. The trouble is with
the Corvette, though, isCopy !req
128. you don't have to apologise for it,
as you said,Copy !req
129. but you would have to explain it.
You'd have to go around saying,Copy !req
130. "Oh, it's got magnesium seats
and carbon fibre suspension,"Copy !req
131. or everyone would just think
you were a dreadful show-off.Copy !req
132. Yeah, it would be like taking a
lap dancer home to meet your mother.Copy !req
133. You'd have to say,
"No, she's got A-Levels!"Copy !req
134. You're absolutely right.Copy !req
135. So what we've got here is a choice
between a slightly dirty librarianCopy !req
136. and a clever lap dancer.Copy !req
137. So let's see which is the fastest
round our track.Copy !req
138. Of course, that means handing them
over to our tame racing driver.Copy !req
139. Some say that his favourite
flower is the potato,Copy !req
140. and that even though he's now seen
Fifty Shades of Grey,Copy !req
141. he still thinks BDSM
is a driving school.Copy !req
142. All we know is he's called the Stig!Copy !req
143. 'And they're off!
Two confident starts there.Copy !req
144. 'The Porsche is mid-engine,
the Corvette has a transaxle.Copy !req
145. 'Both clearly had good traction
off the line.Copy !req
146. 'It's the scalpel versus the hammer,
flying through the first corner.Copy !req
147. 'And, oh, wow, it's the Porsche
that's sliding!Copy !req
148. "Close To You"
by the CarpentersCopy !req
149. 'Seems to be reversing round
in the Corvette.Copy !req
150. 'Right through Chicago,Copy !req
151. 'again it's the Cayman that's
kicking its tail out.Copy !req
152. 'Shock and awe Chevy
completely under control!Copy !req
153. 'This is the real test, of course,
Hammerhead.Copy !req
154. 'Yep, Corvette gets a bit of
a slide onCopy !req
155. 'as the Stig unleashes
a 460 horsepower drift!Copy !req
156. 'Right, follow through.Copy !req
157. 'Porsche needs some corrective lock
on the way in, that's a surprise.Copy !req
158. 'OK, now we're coming up. Just two
corners left, braking hard,Copy !req
159. 'no dramas from either side of the
Atlantic, into Gambon.Copy !req
160. 'Yes, the Cayman's sliding again!
And across the line!'Copy !req
161. Right. Yeah.Copy !req
162. I have the times here.Copy !req
163. The pantyless Porsche librarian -Copy !req
164. 1:21.6.Copy !req
165. So, not bad, same as an Audi R8 V10.
That's quick, yeah.Copy !req
166. But...Copy !req
167. .. the clever lap dancer...Copy !req
168. 1:19.8. No way! That's...!Copy !req
169. Look at that,
same as a Porsche Carrera GT.Copy !req
170. That is a seriously fast car.Copy !req
171. There's been a disturbance
in the Force!Copy !req
172. Something weird's happening.Copy !req
173. Anyway, the news,
and we start with this,Copy !req
174. the new Ford Focus RS.Copy !req
175. That has 320 horsepower from a
2.3 litre turbocharged engine.Copy !req
176. And, most important, this,
four-wheel drive.Copy !req
177. You know what this is, don't you?Copy !req
178. Mm-mm. This is the return of
the Escort Cosworth. Yeah.Copy !req
179. Happy days!Copy !req
180. It is, I'm excited, but it won't be
as good as a Fiesta ST.Copy !req
181. Well, it will.
No, it won't! It will!Copy !req
182. The Fiesta's...!
320 horsepowers!Copy !req
183. I know but it's about purity
of experience in a hot hatch.Copy !req
184. That comes, apparently,
according to one source in AmericaCopy !req
185. with a drift button.A what?Copy !req
186. Drift button, push that,
even he'll be able to drift.Copy !req
187. What, you push that
and it just drifts? Yes.Copy !req
188. I don't want to drift.Copy !req
189. Yes, you do!I don't.
Drifting is for the unintelligent.Copy !req
190. It isn't!Copy !req
191. It's a mating ritual. Girls love it!Copy !req
192. Yeah, he's right.Copy !req
193. No, it is,
it's like having a massive tail.Copy !req
194. It's just me -Copy !req
195. in Ross-on-Wye.Copy !req
196. Ooh, now, you know Apple, makers
of computers and, um, telephones?Copy !req
197. Yes.
Apparently they're working on a car.Copy !req
198. Really?Yes. Does it come
with predictive steering?Copy !req
199. That's never going to work, is it?Copy !req
200. It is... No, I'm not sure that it
will work, cos every timeCopy !req
201. you get in it, it will say,
"What's your iTunes password?"Copy !req
202. And then it'll make you have one
that you can't remember.Copy !req
203. And then it'll go wrong,
and you'll ring them upCopy !req
204. and they'll say, "Oh, it's your
fault, you're holding it wrong."Copy !req
205. And then one day it'll sendCopy !req
206. a picture of your bosoms
to the internet.Copy !req
207. You're right about the,
um, passwords,Copy !req
208. cos Apple iTunes
the other day said to me,Copy !req
209. "You must change your password,
it's far too easy to guess."Copy !req
210. And I thought, how's anybody ever
going to guess it's "Carrot29?"Copy !req
211. I mean, that's...
Now, I tell you what,Copy !req
212. there's a general election
coming up, you may have heard.Copy !req
213. Is there?
Yes, there is, even in Wales.Copy !req
214. And, um, and a lot of
people are saying,Copy !req
215. "Oh, I can't be bothered to
get involved,Copy !req
216. "and all politicians are the same
and all the parties are the same."Copy !req
217. So we thought, I wonder if
we could decide who to vote for,Copy !req
218. on what the leaders drive.Copy !req
219. Great idea. Very good idea.Copy !req
220. It is, so I've managed to
find it out.Copy !req
221. It's not been easy
but we've done it.Copy !req
222. Now, David Cameron, who runs the
Conservative Party, OK, he...Copy !req
223. Well, he doesn't
actually have a car,Copy !req
224. but the family car is
a Honda CRV, OK?Copy !req
225. Nick Clegg has a Ford Galaxy.Copy !req
226. Oh, dear. Eurgh.
Shocking car.Copy !req
227. Ed Miliband has
a Lamborghini Aventador.Copy !req
228. Does he?Copy !req
229. I was lying. He's got a
turquoise green Ford Focus. Oh.Copy !req
230. Nigel Farage, guess what he drives?Copy !req
231. A Jag. Yeah, it will be.Copy !req
232. A Jag!Jag! Anybody else?Copy !req
233. Anybody want to hazard a guess,
what Nigel Farage drives.Copy !req
234. A what?Copy !req
235. Bentley!A Bentley, could be.Copy !req
236. M3.M3?Copy !req
237. You are aware of Ukip, are you,
and their...?Copy !req
238. Nigel Farage drives a Volvo V70.Copy !req
239. Does he? Really?Copy !req
240. He drives an immigrant.Copy !req
241. Nicola Sturgeon. Who?Copy !req
242. Nicola Sturgeon.Copy !req
243. SNP, Scottish.
Oh, THAT Nicola Sturgeon!Copy !req
244. Yes, Hammond, that Nicola Sturgeon.
What about her?Copy !req
245. May, have a guess.
Oh, I know, uh, a McLaren.Copy !req
246. Nicola Sturgeon doesn't drive.Copy !req
247. What, in Scotland?
I know, I don't understand.Copy !req
248. How do you get around in Scotland,
if you haven't got a car?Copy !req
249. No idea, anyway, she doesn't.Copy !req
250. Leanne Wood, that's your lot,
Welsh, Plaid Cay-mru!Copy !req
251. Er, an ox.Copy !req
252. Volkswagen Passat.Copy !req
253. Oh, god, I hate the Passat!Copy !req
254. Natalie Bennett
from the Green Party?Copy !req
255. Oh, a Lamborghini LM002.Copy !req
256. We've got a picture of
one of those, I think, somewhere.Copy !req
257. Yes, there it is.
That's the one.Copy !req
258. You think that the Green Party boss
drives that?Copy !req
259. Yeah, does she?
You're absolutely right.Copy !req
260. Am I? Yeah, she doesn't. Oh.Copy !req
261. No, she doesn't have
one of those, weirdly.Copy !req
262. She doesn't own a car
but she is a member of a car club.Copy !req
263. Is it the Dodge Charger
Owners' Club?Copy !req
264. Weirdly, James, it isn't.
Do they do track days?Copy !req
265. The thing is, right,
all these leaders,Copy !req
266. every single one of them has
a rubbish car, every single one.Copy !req
267. Yeah. And I know why.Copy !req
268. It's cos they all want to be seen
as a man, or a woman, of the people.Copy !req
269. Yes, I suspect it is. Yeah, but,
yeah, but you can be seen as a man,Copy !req
270. or a woman, of the people,
but still drive an interesting car.Copy !req
271. Yeah, you could have a Fiesta ST.
That's a nice car.Copy !req
272. Would we vote for somebody
who had a Ford Fiesta ST?Copy !req
273. I would, immediately.Copy !req
274. I would immediately.Copy !req
275. What? No.Copy !req
276. You wouldn't. Why not?Copy !req
277. What would you vote for, someone
who's interested in the NHSCopy !req
278. No, somebody's who's
interested in Formula 1.Copy !req
279. You'd vote for someone,
irrespective of policies,Copy !req
280. if they were interested
in Formula 1? Yes.Copy !req
281. Are you watching this, Mr Cameron
and Miliband and Clegg?Copy !req
282. This is what's going to win
a massive audience.Copy !req
283. Who here would vote for someone
who was interested in Formula 1?Copy !req
284. Yes! There you go, 100% of the
British people want you to beCopy !req
285. interested in Formula 1!Copy !req
286. Uh, now, I came down here this
morning in a Volkswagen Golf GTi.Copy !req
287. It's what I'm using this week,
absolutely fabulous car.Copy !req
288. Yeah, very good, not as good as
the Fiesta ST, but it is good.Copy !req
289. It is, except for one thing. It's
got a really annoying thing on it.Copy !req
290. Has anyone got a Golf at the moment
with its eco tips?Copy !req
291. You get the... I do.Copy !req
292. How annoying are they?Copy !req
293. You're driving along and every now
and again it'll just flash upCopy !req
294. a little message
on the dashboard, it goes,Copy !req
295. "Why not wind your window up?
Be more aerodynamic."Copy !req
296. Cos I want to get some fresh air.Copy !req
297. "Why not change up a gear?
It'll be more..."Copy !req
298. "Why not, why not shut up," is what
you want to say to it all the time.Copy !req
299. It drives you...
I'd go mad with it!Copy !req
300. If I worked at VW,
in their software department thing,Copy !req
301. I'd put some messages in there
but with a time thing,Copy !req
302. so that it didn't appear
until after I'd retired, really.Copy !req
303. You'd be driving along,
and it would say,Copy !req
304. "Wind the window up. Why not
slow down a bit? Why not change up?"Copy !req
305. Then it would suddenly just say,Copy !req
306. "Why don't you go
and boil your head?"Copy !req
307. But it would only say it once,Copy !req
308. so you wouldn't be sure
if you'd actually seen it.Copy !req
309. And then another time
you'd be driving,Copy !req
310. it might be three years later. You'd
be driving along, and it would say,Copy !req
311. "Wind your window up, change gear."Copy !req
312. Then it would suddenly go,
"You've wasted your life."Copy !req
313. But you'd only see that once,
you see.Copy !req
314. That would really freak drivers out!Copy !req
315. It could suddenly just say,Copy !req
316. "Your wife's had an affair
with the bloke next door."Copy !req
317. And you'd get to the dealer
and say, "It said that!"Copy !req
318. And he'd say, "No, it didn't,
it can't have said that."Copy !req
319. It didn't, it can't have done.Copy !req
320. But the thing is, though,
it would take VolkswagenCopy !req
321. a long time to work out.Copy !req
322. Then they would have
to call you up and say,Copy !req
323. "Mr May, step into my office."Copy !req
324. Ah, but I've retired.
I'm dribbling in an old folks' homeCopy !req
325. laughing at people
who bought VW Golfs.Copy !req
326. Now, I have one more piece of...Copy !req
327. I think, ladies and gentlemen,
you're going to enjoy this.Copy !req
328. The mayor of Bristol, OK,Copy !req
329. he announced fairly recently that
he was going to allocateCopy !req
330. £2.3 million of public moneyCopy !req
331. which will be spent on 13,000 signsCopy !req
332. saying that there will a 20mph speed
limit across the whole of Bristol.Copy !req
333. This is the mayor.Copy !req
334. He's just been caught speeding.Copy !req
335. I think we should all take a moment
to compose our faces appropriately.Copy !req
336. Yeah.I'm going to go for
serious and disapproving.Copy !req
337. Oh, no! How did...? Oh...Copy !req
338. He actually said, afterwards,
he commends Avon and Somerset policeCopy !req
339. for being so vigilant
in catching him.Copy !req
340. I bet he didn't say that when the
letter came through the post box.Copy !req
341. Right, let's move on.Copy !req
342. Now, last year McLaren gave us
the astonishing P1,Copy !req
343. and Porsche gave us
the equally fantastic 918.Copy !req
344. But we've always known that there is
another hybrid supercar coming.Copy !req
345. Well, it's not coming any more.Copy !req
346. It's here, it's the one
you've all been waiting for,Copy !req
347. and I have been driving it -Copy !req
348. The Ferrari, the Ferrari!Copy !req
349. 'McLaren and Porsche may believe
they've created good-looking carsCopy !req
350. 'in the P1 and the 918.Copy !req
351. 'But I think they need to get
their pencil cases out again,Copy !req
352. 'because THIS is what a supercar
should look like.'Copy !req
353. And THIS is what a supercar
should sound like!Copy !req
354. No miserable V8s or puny little
turbochargers -Copy !req
355. THAT is Ferrari's Greatest Hit!Copy !req
356. The sound of 12 cylinders
properly arranged in a V.Copy !req
357. Molte grazie!Copy !req
358. And then there's the price.Copy !req
359. LaFerrari has the other two
licked there, as well.Copy !req
360. The Porsche 918, £646,000.Copy !req
361. The McLaren V1, £866,000.Copy !req
362. The LaFerrari?Copy !req
363. A million pounds!Copy !req
364. That's a proper price!Copy !req
365. No muckin' about!Copy !req
366. 'And there's more.'Copy !req
367. Pinky and Perky have been at great
pains to explainCopy !req
368. just how clever the McLaren
and the Porsche are.Copy !req
369. Well, this is also very clever.Copy !req
370. It's built from not one,Copy !req
371. but four different types
of carbon fibreCopy !req
372. to keep it as light as possible.Copy !req
373. In fact, it's lighter than
the Porsche OR the McLaren.Copy !req
374. The driver's seat is fixed,Copy !req
375. and, instead, it's the wheel
and pedals that move.Copy !req
376. This means you don't need
a seat mechanism,Copy !req
377. which means the driver can sit
lower, the roof can be lower,Copy !req
378. and that drops
the centre of gravity...Copy !req
379. to the benefit of cornering.Copy !req
380. Then, we come to the engine.Copy !req
381. Like the McLaren and the Porsche,
LaFerrari is a hybrid -Copy !req
382. it has a petrol engine AND an
electric motor to drive the wheels.Copy !req
383. BUT... whereas the other two can be
driven on electric power alone,Copy !req
384. like a Toyota Prius, the Ferrari
can't, because, Ferrari say,Copy !req
385. "We are not interested
in electric cars."Copy !req
386. Instead, the battery and electric
motor combinationCopy !req
387. works a bit like the kinetic energy
recovery system in an F1 car.Copy !req
388. In very simple terms, it captures
energy that's normally wasted -Copy !req
389. during braking, for example -
and keeps it for when you need it.Copy !req
390. The electric motor, the petrol
engine -Copy !req
391. they're all working together,
all of the time.Copy !req
392. You cannot separate them.Copy !req
393. This is simply a 950 horsepower
supercar.Copy !req
394. But, despite the racing
technology,Copy !req
395. you don't find yourself in a world
of austere track-car misery.Copy !req
396. You've got the sat nav,Copy !req
397. the air conditioning...Copy !req
398. It's perfectly comfortable.Copy !req
399. Actually, it's very civilised.Copy !req
400. However, this is also supposed
to be the fastestCopy !req
401. and most exciting road carCopy !req
402. Ferrari has ever made.Copy !req
403. And to find out how exciting,
we must come here...Copy !req
404. Ferrari's Fiorano test track.Copy !req
405. To Prancing Horse fans,
this is the sacred tarmacCopy !req
406. where the company's greatest F1 cars
were born.Copy !req
407. But when I rolled up, "sacred"
wasn't the word that came to mind.Copy !req
408. Oh, cock!Copy !req
409. 'After two hours of dithering
on the start line...'Copy !req
410. Pedals a little bit further away.Copy !req
411. No, that's too far away. Hang on.Copy !req
412. '.. the track was finally dry enough
for me to have a go.'Copy !req
413. Red, red, red, red...Copy !req
414. God's holy trousers!Copy !req
415. Strewth!
I'm already at the first bend.Copy !req
416. Lots of brakes.Copy !req
417. That, ladies and gentlemen,
is 950 horsepower for you!Copy !req
418. And while we're at it,Copy !req
419. 950 horsepower is a slam-dunk
Top Trump over the other two.Copy !req
420. And so is the top speed -
218mph.Copy !req
421. 'But it's not just the amount
of horsepower that's impressive,Copy !req
422. 'it's the way it's served up.'Copy !req
423. Even if you're a bit clumsy
or a bit timid,Copy !req
424. as I am being on this one,Copy !req
425. you've still got that enormous
grunt.Copy !req
426. It just hits you like
a runaway train.Copy !req
427. That's the KERS system working.Copy !req
428. That's exactly what it's for.Copy !req
429. 'On top of that, Ferrari has
rememberedCopy !req
430. 'that not everyone who'll drive
this carCopy !req
431. 'will be called Sebastian
or Vettel.'Copy !req
432. Because LaFerrari will go quite
a lot faster than you can think,Copy !req
433. Ferrari do quite a lot of thinking
for you.Copy !req
434. It has for example a very, very
sophisticatedCopy !req
435. traction control system based on
Formula 1 tech,Copy !req
436. and you can leave it turned on.Copy !req
437. Why not?Copy !req
438. Stops you crashing.Copy !req
439. LaFerrari also bristles
with active aerodynamics.Copy !req
440. That's not new on a supercar,Copy !req
441. but this system is controlled
by 21 computers...Copy !req
442. which means, according to
the Ferrari eggheads,Copy !req
443. even I should be able to take
Fiorano's notorious Turn 7...Copy !req
444. .. flat out.Copy !req
445. Active aerodynamics - here we go.Copy !req
446. Don't bottle it, don't bottle it!Copy !req
447. Oh-ho-ho-hoo...!Copy !req
448. It works! Look at that!Copy !req
449. The faster you go,
the better it works!Copy !req
450. I mean, like Jennifer's McLaren,Copy !req
451. it is pure rear-wheel drive,Copy !req
452. and that's quite intimidating,
but it's not a widowmaker.Copy !req
453. Ah-ha-ha-ha...!Copy !req
454. Oh, my God!Copy !req
455. Oh, yes!Copy !req
456. Wahey!Copy !req
457. Right, let's just slow this
down a bit.Copy !req
458. Richard Hammond,
he says the Porsche 918 -Copy !req
459. that's the one that takes the hybrid
supercar the furthest.Copy !req
460. It's the most responsible,
if you like.Copy !req
461. Jeremy likes the P1 because he saysCopy !req
462. it takes an idea that was
essentially an environmental oneCopy !req
463. and uses it to make the supercar
more dramatic.Copy !req
464. 'In this respect, the Ferrari is
more like the McLaren.'Copy !req
465. Except for two things...Copy !req
466. LaFerrari looks better...Copy !req
467. and I reckon it IS better.Copy !req
468. This is the greatest car
in the world!Copy !req
469. Well, now there we are.Copy !req
470. Here we are.Copy !req
471. Now you may remember last year,Copy !req
472. after Hammond had driven the Porsche
I said to him,Copy !req
473. that if it turned out to be faster
around our track than the McLarenCopy !req
474. I would change my name
by deed poll to Jennifer -Copy !req
475. you remember that?Copy !req
476. - Oh, yeah. You said that.
- Yes!Copy !req
477. And now we have James May
telling us,Copy !req
478. rather bumptiously, I think,Copy !req
479. because he hasn't driven the McLaren
or the Porsche,Copy !req
480. that the Ferrari is best.Copy !req
481. So, who here would like to see which
of these carsCopy !req
482. is the fastest round our track?Copy !req
483. Yes!Copy !req
484. So would we.Copy !req
485. So would Porsche.Copy !req
486. But we have a problem.Copy !req
487. McLaren has said that we can't do
the test at our track.Copy !req
488. What?Copy !req
489. Well, hang on - our track is also
McLaren's track.Copy !req
490. That's where they developed
this car. Yes, I know,Copy !req
491. and because I know that,
I also know that they knowCopy !req
492. that the twiddly bits at
the Hammerhead, and so on,Copy !req
493. will favour the four-wheel drive
system of the Porsche.Copy !req
494. All right, we'll do it
at a different track.Copy !req
495. Well, that brings us on
to the second problem.Copy !req
496. Ferrari has spent the last six
months saying,Copy !req
497. "No, we don't want to do it, at all.Copy !req
498. "Cos we're not interested in speed,
or 0-60, or lap times..."Copy !req
499. ReallyCopy !req
500. That's what they've been saying,
but... I kid you not, they have.Copy !req
501. But in the last couple of weeks
or so, they've started to softenCopy !req
502. and say, "Well, maybe
we can lend you a car."Copy !req
503. Well, there you go then. Game on.Copy !req
504. No, see, there's another problem.Copy !req
505. McLaren is saying they will only
do thisCopy !req
506. if all of the cars are customer
cars,Copy !req
507. they're production cars
that have been sold - yes?Copy !req
508. They don't want them turning up with
sticky tyres and 17 turbos on them.Copy !req
509. Ferrari is saying they'll only do itCopy !req
510. if the cars DO come direct
from the factory.Copy !req
511. Well, all right, then.Copy !req
512. We'll find someone who has a Ferrari
a Ferrari, and borrow it.Copy !req
513. I know someone who has one.Copy !req
514. So do I, James. They've covered us
on that one, I'm afraid.Copy !req
515. Ferrari has actually said, to us,Copy !req
516. that if any Ferrari ownerCopy !req
517. lends us a Ferrari a Ferrari,Copy !req
518. they will make sure that person
can never ever buyCopy !req
519. a limited edition Ferrari
ever again.Copy !req
520. I kid you not!Copy !req
521. Ridiculous...!I kid you not.Copy !req
522. I've never heard anything like this.Copy !req
523. Pony club mothers have got NOTHING
on the people who make these cars!Copy !req
524. Nothing!Copy !req
525. It doesn't make any sense! If I built
any of these cars - any of them -Copy !req
526. the first thing I'd want to doCopy !req
527. is see how fast they were compared
to the others.Copy !req
528. That's what they're for!Copy !req
529. Honestly, if I were a teacher and I
had McLaren and Ferrari in my class,Copy !req
530. I would box their ears!Copy !req
531. I'd say, "Go and see the headmaster
and come back when you've grown up."Copy !req
532. Look. What?Copy !req
533. They are here, the track's there...
Let's just do it!Copy !req
534. Yes, James.
They're here and they're lockedCopy !req
535. and those two security guards
have been provided,Copy !req
536. to make sure we don't just take them
out on the track after the show.Copy !req
537. You're kidding?I am not kidding.Copy !req
538. So, this is it?
It ends here, it's not gonna happen?Copy !req
539. No, no, no, no. We're not giving up.Copy !req
540. We've actually heard this week
of a man in the Middle EastCopy !req
541. who owns one of each of these cars,Copy !req
542. and he may be willing to lend them
to us.Copy !req
543. Well, there you go. Give him a call.Copy !req
544. He's called Bin Laden.Copy !req
545. I'm not kidding, he is.Copy !req
546. What, as in... Bin Laden?Copy !req
547. No, he's dead. It was definitely
on the news. I saw that.Copy !req
548. He's a cousin of that one.Copy !req
549. Well, you can't judge a man
by his cousin.Copy !req
550. You're absolutely right, Hammond.
You can't.Copy !req
551. But things go wrong on Top Gear,
yes? All the time. Yeah.Copy !req
552. Do you want to make the call -Copy !req
553. "Hello, Mr Bin Laden. I've just
crashed your Porsche into
your Ferrari"?Copy !req
554. I don't want to make that call,
you're right. No.Copy !req
555. So here we are, we haven't done it,
but we're not going to give up.Copy !req
556. OK, in fact, what we're hoping -Copy !req
557. and I hope you all hope
the same thing -Copy !req
558. is that, on Monday morning,Copy !req
559. we get a call from Ferrari
and from McLaren saying -Copy !req
560. "You know what, let's do this
thing." Do you want to hear that?Copy !req
561. Yes!
"Let's just do this thing."Come on!Copy !req
562. Anyway, it is now time...Copy !req
563. It's now time to move onCopy !req
564. and put
a Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.Copy !req
565. In fact, all week,
we've had people ringing me upCopy !req
566. saying, "How on earth are you going
to top Will Smith, from last week -Copy !req
567. "star of I Am Legend
and Hancock and so on?"Copy !req
568. Well, that is easy, because tonight,
we have, as my guest,Copy !req
569. the runner-up
in the 2009 X Factor competition.Copy !req
570. Ladies and gentlemen, Olly Murs!Copy !req
571. What's happening?
Good evening.Copy !req
572. Jeremy.How are you?
Good to see you, how are you?Copy !req
573. Very well. How's things?
Hello! Good, thanks.Copy !req
574. He's here!Ah. Have a seat.Copy !req
575. It's a pleasure. Wow.Copy !req
576. Now, I know that was
a slightly mean introduction,Copy !req
577. but actually,
being a runner-up in X FactorCopy !req
578. is better than winning it.Copy !req
579. Oh, I... yeah, I suppose it is.Copy !req
580. But, um, obviously I wanted to win
the show, I'm Mr Competitive - so.Copy !req
581. I know, but if you win X Factor,Copy !req
582. what, you end up back in Homebase
in a week.Copy !req
583. Or on a cruise liner.Copy !req
584. Yeah, but I think it's lucky,
no matter where you finish
on the show -Copy !req
585. you don't know where you'll finish.Copy !req
586. I thought after about a year or two
I'd probably be,Copy !req
587. you know, in a call centre again,
so...Copy !req
588. Cos it is - I'm just thinking,
One Direction came second.Copy !req
589. Yeah... no... JLS came second.Copy !req
590. Oh, no, One Direction finished
third, JLS finished second.Copy !req
591. I'd be standing there, at the end,
judging on the facts and figures,Copy !req
592. going, "Please don't let me win,
please don't let me win."Copy !req
593. Cos then I'll be successful,
like you, cos...Copy !req
594. Oh, cheers, thank you.Copy !req
595. How successful - how many albums
have you sold now?Copy !req
596. Um... 10 million?Copy !req
597. No, it's 10 million in total,
but, um...Copy !req
598. That's a lot.
For singles and everything.Copy !req
599. I think the albums,
about three million, I think?Copy !req
600. That's a lot of albums these days.
Well, I'm delighted, yeah.Copy !req
601. I mean, it's not really
an album market so, um...Copy !req
602. No, I'm delighted that everyone's
been buying my album, so thank you.Copy !req
603. And what did you do then
before singing to Simon Cowell?Copy !req
604. I was just working in a call centre.
I was giving people adviceCopy !req
605. on how to save money
on their energy bills.Copy !req
606. So you were living in Bombay?Copy !req
607. No - no, no this was just in Witham
in Essex.Copy !req
608. You are an Essex boy?
Essex boy, yeah.Copy !req
609. Yeah. Through and through, yeah.
And not just an Essex boy,Copy !req
610. but we are talking about
a major petrolhead, are we not?Copy !req
611. 100%, yeah - love my cars.Copy !req
612. I'd say that before I was famous
and got into this, you know,Copy !req
613. I didn't have
the most glamorous car.Copy !req
614. What was your first car?Copy !req
615. My first car was a Fiat Ciquento.Copy !req
616. I think it's Cinquecento.
Cinquecento.Copy !req
617. Which of course was made famous
by The Inbetweeners.Copy !req
618. Exactly - there it is.Copy !req
619. I've still got that,
that's still at my house.Copy !req
620. Is that actually yours?
It's still mine, yeah. Oh, wow.Copy !req
621. Do you know what, though?
I spent more money...Copy !req
622. That car cost me 895 quid
and I spent, I think,Copy !req
623. 950 quid on the sound system for it.Copy !req
624. So I could bowl round Essex -Copy !req
625. "Hey, what's happening?
All right, boys?"Copy !req
626. I'm presuming as well if you'd
won X Factor and you got that,Copy !req
627. there would've been a few
trouser-related incidents in that.Copy !req
628. Oh, God, yeah. Well, the one...Copy !req
629. Oh, God.Copy !req
630. My fans will tell you I'm always
ripping my trousers.Copy !req
631. I... I was at work one day -Copy !req
632. I was actually working
in recruitment then.Copy !req
633. And, um... I was just lifting
some boxes,Copy !req
634. about 10 o'clock in the day,
I moved down to lift the boxesCopy !req
635. and I ripped all the backend
of me trousers out.Copy !req
636. And I want to go home.
So I got in my carCopy !req
637. and I've drummed out
of the car park,Copy !req
638. I've just turned round the corner,
got up towards the traffic lights.Copy !req
639. And I've just gone to put
my seat belt on.Copy !req
640. All of a sudden, the police car's
just come round the corner,
seen me do thatCopy !req
641. and pulled... and gone in behind me.Copy !req
642. And I'm like, "Oh, BLEEP."Copy !req
643. So then I drove to Tesco's car park,
pulled over, then got out.Copy !req
644. And obviously I'm stood there,
in the middle of Tesco car parkCopy !req
645. at lunchtime,
with all me bits hanging out.Copy !req
646. Oh, it was so embarrassing!
They gave me...Copy !req
647. I think they gave me
a £60 fine or something.Copy !req
648. Oh, you got a £60 fine
for having your...?Copy !req
649. No, no - they probably
could have got me done for that!Copy !req
650. Oh, the seat belt.
For the seat belt.Copy !req
651. Well, who here would like to see
Olly's lap?Copy !req
652. Yeah!Copy !req
653. Play the tape.Copy !req
654. CHEERING, MUSIC PLAYSCopy !req
655. Oh, I was...Copy !req
656. Oh...Copy !req
657. Sorry, mate.Copy !req
658. That was a gig,
a lap on a lap.Copy !req
659. I didn't have time
to prepare myself then -Copy !req
660. I actually thought that was the lap,
so I was like, "Phew!"Copy !req
661. No, that... well, it was your lap,
but not the lap we're talking about.Copy !req
662. Presumably, now that the Fiat
is parked up somewhere... Yeah.Copy !req
663. ..you've gone on,
as a car enthusiast,Copy !req
664. to buy something a little bit more,
I don't know, starry.Copy !req
665. No - well, yeah, no,
I went for a few BMWsCopy !req
666. and then I decided, I was like,Copy !req
667. "You know what?
I'm going to go big."Copy !req
668. So I went and got myself
a Bentley Continental GT.Copy !req
669. Oh - now, that's an interesting car,
actually. Which one have you got?Copy !req
670. It's just a Continental GT V8.Copy !req
671. That's correct.Copy !req
672. Yes. OK. Because there's so many
mines you can tread on on your way.Copy !req
673. It's not a convertible, is it?
No.No.Copy !req
674. You see, I think the convertible
makes you look stupid.Copy !req
675. Yeah, cos whenever you see
a convertible Bentley,Copy !req
676. people've always got,
like, the bright blue,Copy !req
677. or it's in bright red
or it's white or...Copy !req
678. And they've got an orange face.
Yeah. And you're in Cheshire.Copy !req
679. Or Essex. Or Essex.Copy !req
680. Anyway - now you came down here,
cos interestingly, we have hadCopy !req
681. a slight problem
with The Stig today.Copy !req
682. I mean, this is not a word of a lie.Copy !req
683. We had Will Smith here last week,
as you probably know.Copy !req
684. The Stig had never heard of him.Copy !req
685. Shut up! Kiefer Sutherland,
a couple of weeks ago -Copy !req
686. never heard of him.Copy !req
687. There was Ed Sheeran, week one -
no idea.Copy !req
688. He doesn't know who anyone is.
Wowsers.Copy !req
689. He came here this morning -
Olly Murs,Copy !req
690. he's completely in love with you.Copy !req
691. Nah!Copy !req
692. The Stig, you are his - apart from
The Carpenters, obviously -Copy !req
693. his absolute favourite artist.Copy !req
694. You know what, can I just say this?Copy !req
695. I don't know if people want
to know this information,Copy !req
696. but I'm delighted with it -
I went...Copy !req
697. I walked into the toilet
to have... you know.Copy !req
698. He was in there.Copy !req
699. Have you seen his penis?
Well, no, well...Copy !req
700. He was wearing his helmet still,
so it wasn't...Copy !req
701. He wasn't... he wasn't...Copy !req
702. I thought he was going to be holding
his helmet, but I suppose...Copy !req
703. This is all big news!Copy !req
704. But wait, wait...Copy !req
705. Well, my best ever celebrity story
was, um...Copy !req
706. You can't top that!Copy !req
707. It was another toilet incident with
Gary Barlow which... which was...Copy !req
708. Absolutely fantastic, yeah.Copy !req
709. But now I've gone to the... I've been
in the toilet with the Stig,Copy !req
710. it's pretty amazing.Copy !req
711. Anyway... Yes.Copy !req
712. It was... presumably, you went out
in the Vauxhall Astra Tech Line.Copy !req
713. Yes. Many laps, many practices?Copy !req
714. Loved it, did a few,
quite a few practices, really.Copy !req
715. I was giving it some, like,
"Come on!" I could feel it.Copy !req
716. You know when you get to the end,
you're like, "Come on!"Copy !req
717. Would you like to see
the real, actual lap in a car?Copy !req
718. Yeah!
Here we go, let's have a look.Copy !req
719. ENGINE REVS, TYRES SCREECHCopy !req
720. We're away.Copy !req
721. Come on, baby.Copy !req
722. Purr with me!Copy !req
723. You're looking like Val Kilmer
in there.Copy !req
724. Oh, yeah, that's aggressive turning.Copy !req
725. Same line that Ricciardo was using
the other day, very good.Copy !req
726. Don't sing that here.Copy !req
727. There we are, nicely done through...Copy !req
728. Sorry for my language, Mum,
I apologise, didn't mean to swear.Copy !req
729. You haven't sworn.Copy !req
730. Right, you've gottaBLEEPdo this!Copy !req
731. No, you have sworn now.
That was swearing there.Copy !req
732. OK, that's about as perfect
as it comes, that is.Copy !req
733. As is that.Copy !req
734. No real understeer,
that's good to see.Copy !req
735. 70...Copy !req
736. 80...Copy !req
737. Yep, flat through there.Copy !req
738. Yeah, I felt... I felt good
going through there. Yeah.Copy !req
739. I got into fourth gear
just as I got to the tyres.Copy !req
740. That's what you...
This was the bend.Copy !req
741. This is the -
oh, look at it squirming there,Copy !req
742. that is nicely held.Copy !req
743. It's a good chassis, that, but
you're getting the best out of it.Copy !req
744. and that is bob-on as well.Copy !req
745. There we are, across the line!Copy !req
746. Ah!Copy !req
747. So there we go.Copy !req
748. Where do you think you've come,
on the board?Copy !req
749. My aim was 1.46 -
I just wanted to...Copy !req
750. You wanted to beat Hugh Jackman.Copy !req
751. 1.46 is an ambitious...
I know. Very ambitious.Copy !req
752. Oh, God, put me out of my misery.Copy !req
753. As long as I've beaten Jack,
that's all I care about, come on.Copy !req
754. Everybody could beat Jack.
I can't look - tell me when.Copy !req
755. Stevie Wonder next week -
he's going to beat Jack.Copy !req
756. You did a one...Copy !req
757. ..40...Copy !req
758. You want me to say "six", don't you?Copy !req
759. I'm going to say four.Copy !req
760. No!Copy !req
761. So actually, you're up there
with only Aaron Paul,Copy !req
762. as in Breaking Bad, on 1.44.7.
Shut up.Copy !req
763. He's on a seven.Copy !req
764. So if it's lower than seven,
you're the fastest ever.Copy !req
765. It's six.Copy !req
766. YES! Come on!Copy !req
767. You did it!Copy !req
768. Get in! Oh, my God!Copy !req
769. That's the fastest we've ever had.
Whoo!Copy !req
770. The fastest man in all of the world!Copy !req
771. Olly Murs!Copy !req
772. I didn't... I didn't finish
runner-up!Copy !req
773. That is the fastest we've ever had.
Oh, my God.Copy !req
774. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
775. Olly Murs - the fastest man ever
round our track!Copy !req
776. Oh, thanks, Jeremy.Copy !req
777. Now, there are many
truly great car companies,Copy !req
778. all with rich,
magnificent histories -Copy !req
779. there's Ferrari, Jaguar,
Lancia, MaseratiCopy !req
780. and so on and so on.Copy !req
781. Yes, indeed, but tonight,
James and ICopy !req
782. are going to look at the history
of the most brilliant,Copy !req
783. most inventive car company
of them all -Copy !req
784. Peugeot.Copy !req
785. For thousands of years,
there was only one wayCopy !req
786. of crossing this spartan landscapeCopy !req
787. in the vast, dusty heat
of North Africa.Copy !req
788. This was it.Copy !req
789. It was used by the Greeks,
the Romans, the Berbers,Copy !req
790. the Phoenicians, the Vandals,
the Arabs, the Carthaginians,Copy !req
791. the Ottomans, the French,
the Tuareg, the ItaliansCopy !req
792. and the British.Copy !req
793. But then, in 1968,Copy !req
794. the camel's 4,000-year monopoly
was ended...Copy !req
795. ..by the Peugeot 504.Copy !req
796. Many people imagine
it was Land Rover or JeepCopy !req
797. that brought internal combustionCopy !req
798. to the world's most
impregnable backwaters,Copy !req
799. but really, it was this.Copy !req
800. The King of Africa,
as they called it.Copy !req
801. Yes, it had good ground clearance
and parts were cheap,Copy !req
802. but what really endeared
this mighty Peugeot to AfricaCopy !req
803. was its rugged dependability.Copy !req
804. You regularly hear tales
around these partsCopy !req
805. of 504s that have done
a million kilometresCopy !req
806. and which have been to places
that no Land Rover could reachCopy !req
807. without falling to pieces.Copy !req
808. 40 years ago, then, Peugeot was
a byword for sturdy toughnessCopy !req
809. and common sense.Copy !req
810. But then, in 1983, Peugeot decidedCopy !req
811. it didn't want to make strong,
sturdy, beige cars any more.Copy !req
812. It wanted to throw off
its sensi-pantiesCopy !req
813. and be sporty and frivolous and fun.Copy !req
814. So it completely changed direction.Copy !req
815. It employed a brilliant
"chef de suspension"Copy !req
816. and came up with cars like this -Copy !req
817. the 505 GTi, a sports saloon
to rival any BMW.Copy !req
818. And then there was the 405 Mi16,Copy !req
819. which sounded like
it was a machine gun,Copy !req
820. and it went like one.Copy !req
821. But best of all,
Peugeot gave us this...Copy !req
822. The phenomenal 205 GTi,Copy !req
823. a car that was fast...Copy !req
824. .. even with James May at the wheel.Copy !req
825. Was this the best hot hatchback
of the '80s?Copy !req
826. Well, it was definitely a contender,
wasn't it?Copy !req
827. It's still good.Copy !req
828. It's hard to believe that this was
made by the same peopleCopy !req
829. who did the 504 -Copy !req
830. made by the same species, even.Copy !req
831. But this wasn't the first timeCopy !req
832. that Peugeot had completely changed
its mindCopy !req
833. about what it wanted to be.Copy !req
834. The company began in 1810
making steelCopy !req
835. and it was very, very good at it.Copy !req
836. So good that, in 1840,Copy !req
837. it decided to start making
wooden pepper grinders.Copy !req
838. Now, these... they were the best
pepper grinders in the world.Copy !req
839. So, naturally, in 1852,
Peugeot started to make...Copy !req
840. .. corsets.Copy !req
841. And then, 30 years later,Copy !req
842. it thought, "No -
what we actually want to makeCopy !req
843. "are bicycles."Copy !req
844. And this is what they came up with.Copy !req
845. And it is brilliant.Copy !req
846. It is a superb bicycle.Copy !req
847. But naturally,
having made a superb bicycle,Copy !req
848. the next logical step was
to become a manufacturerCopy !req
849. of munitions.Copy !req
850. The shells they made were excellent.
World-class.Copy !req
851. But then the Second World War
broke out, the Germans arrived,Copy !req
852. and Mr Peugeot decided he didn't
want to make munitions any more.Copy !req
853. In fact,
he didn't want to make anything.Copy !req
854. So one night, he laced his factory
with explosivesCopy !req
855. and blew the entire place
to smithereens.Copy !req
856. After such a varied history,
it's hardly surprisingCopy !req
857. that Peugeot should make
this sudden swerveCopy !req
858. from building dependable workhorses
to exciting, sporty carsCopy !req
859. like the 205 GTi.Copy !req
860. And nor is it surprising,
given the quality of their steelCopy !req
861. and their grinders and their corsetsCopy !req
862. and their bicycles
and their munitions,Copy !req
863. that they were
unbelievably good at it.Copy !req
864. A turbo-charged four-wheel drive
version of the 205 called the T16Copy !req
865. won 16 rounds
of the Rally Championship...Copy !req
866. .. beating the might of Ford,
Audi and LanciaCopy !req
867. with two back-to-back world titles.Copy !req
868. And back in the showroom,Copy !req
869. the sporty cars kept on coming.Copy !req
870. Peugeot was on a roll.Copy !req
871. But then one day, in Paris,
there was a meeting.Copy !req
872. Messieurs... Mm?Copy !req
873. The time has come for us
to stop making this sporty car.Copy !req
874. Mon Dieu! Sacre bleu!Copy !req
875. But what shall nous do instead?Copy !req
876. Er... coat hangers? Umbrellas?Copy !req
877. How is zees for a plan?Copy !req
878. We make terrible cars,Copy !req
879. in every way 'orrible.Copy !req
880. Maybe tres ugly!Copy !req
881. Oh, oui, oui, oui!Copy !req
882. And le engine tres 'orrible.Copy !req
883. Oh, nasty, unreliable,
uncomfortable.Copy !req
884. Et l'interior fabrique
en... spit et Kleenex.Copy !req
885. Spit et Kleenex. Oui, oui, oui!
Oui, oui, oui!Copy !req
886. C'est une bonne idee, n'est-ce pas?
Oui?Copy !req
887. Ne regardez pas un cadeau
de cheval dans la bouche.Copy !req
888. Messieurs,
salut la voiture horrible!Copy !req
889. Ohhhh!Copy !req
890. And get the chef de suspension
up hereCopy !req
891. so we can fire him immediatement.Copy !req
892. Oh, yes.Copy !req
893. This breakfast meeting
will put Peugeot on the mapCopy !req
894. for many years to come -
make no mistake.Copy !req
895. This is what resulted -Copy !req
896. cars like the hateful 1007,Copy !req
897. the absurd 407,Copy !req
898. the woeful 607,Copy !req
899. and the shockingly bad 3008 -Copy !req
900. cheaply made, sloppy handling,
lacklustre dung, the lot of it.Copy !req
901. Take My Breath Away
by BerlinCopy !req
902. The adverts changed, too.Copy !req
903. Out went the burning cornfields
and the jumping 205s,Copy !req
904. and in came tosh like this...Copy !req
905. Buy a car, four wheels and some seatsCopy !req
906. for just £99 a monthCopy !req
907. with £1,000 cashback
plus another £2,000 cashback.Copy !req
908. Easy finance and a free - yes, free -Copy !req
909. locking petrol filler cap!Copy !req
910. APR 29.4%.
Subject to terms and conditions.Copy !req
911. You must be able to sign your name
to have a car.Copy !req
912. Your knees may be at risk
if you do not keep up repayments.Copy !req
913. The results were immediate.Copy !req
914. Sales went through the roof.Copy !req
915. Peugeot may have been good at making
sturdy cars and sporty cars,Copy !req
916. but it seemed they were absolutely
brilliant at making terrible cars.Copy !req
917. Yes. And to find out just
how brilliant,Copy !req
918. Jeremy and I are going to do
an experiment.Copy !req
919. He has bought
this mildly fire-damaged 307 CC.Copy !req
920. You can see where the fire
was just here.Copy !req
921. It's out now, so that's OK.Copy !req
922. Good. Yes.Copy !req
923. And I have bought
this utterly dreary 407.Copy !req
924. And now, we're going to test themCopy !req
925. as if we're not interested
in cars at all.Copy !req
926. In these horrible cars,
it didn't take us longCopy !req
927. to get the hang of being
modern Peugeot drivers.Copy !req
928. Maniac!Copy !req
929. And... turn...Copy !req
930. Why oh why do those idiots
on Top Gear criticise Peugeot?Copy !req
931. I mean, look, six-speed gear box.Copy !req
932. This is particularly brilliant -Copy !req
933. you've got your light switch here,
off, and then here,Copy !req
934. especially off.Copy !req
935. So two... two-and-a-half revs,
another gear...Copy !req
936. Oh, no, you're supposed to press...Copy !req
937. That's it.Copy !req
938. Soon, James had an accident.Copy !req
939. Damn and blast.Copy !req
940. Oh, dear.Copy !req
941. Oh, dear, dear, dear...Copy !req
942. You crashed again? Yeah.Copy !req
943. Didn't you crash on this corner
this morning?Copy !req
944. Yeah.
I haven't got round it once yet.Copy !req
945. It is tricky. I don't know why
they put corners on...Copy !req
946. I mean, why would you?Copy !req
947. Well, I was going quite fast.Copy !req
948. I was in third.Copy !req
949. Oh!Copy !req
950. While James's car was being towed
out of the ditch,Copy !req
951. I took the opportunity
to demonstrateCopy !req
952. yet another incredible
standard feature on my car.Copy !req
953. If you want to lower
the passenger window,Copy !req
954. you can do that from a switch
on the driver's door.Copy !req
955. But if you want to get it
back up again... you can't.Copy !req
956. So, you have to go round
to the other side, OK,Copy !req
957. and use the button here.Copy !req
958. But, if you do that, you're going
to trap your arm in this gap here.Copy !req
959. Now, Peugeot's thought of that, OK?
Obviously, you can't open this door.Copy !req
960. There's no door lock,
that's for security reasons.Copy !req
961. So you pop back round here -
and this is incredible -Copy !req
962. simply pull this switch, OK?Copy !req
963. Windows ALL go down now.Copy !req
964. The roof detaches, and now...Copy !req
965. Now look - I can lift the windowCopy !req
966. without getting my arm trapped.Copy !req
967. Can you see? Brilliant.Copy !req
968. With James's car out of the ditch,Copy !req
969. we relaxed by tuning in
to Radio Peugeot.Copy !req
970. Jeremy Vine, BBC Radio 2.Copy !req
971. "Is Britain full?"
is how we started this.Copy !req
972. Alison in Warfield in Berkshire
texts and says,Copy !req
973. "I can't park at Waitrose.Copy !req
974. "So, yes, we are too full."Copy !req
975. Good caller.Copy !req
976. That's very nice of him.
He just gave me a little push thereCopy !req
977. to let me know he was coming past.Copy !req
978. Corner! Corner!Copy !req
979. I've done it. I'm round.Copy !req
980. Despite the soothing tones
of Radio Peugeot...Copy !req
981. Do you think you may have
the worst-tasting water in Britain?Copy !req
982. Do call us if so - 0500 288 291...Copy !req
983. .. we found the journey
very stressfulCopy !req
984. thanks to badly placed road signs...Copy !req
985. .. and busy junctions.Copy !req
986. Maniac.Copy !req
987. Maniac.Copy !req
988. Maniac.Copy !req
989. Yobbo.Copy !req
990. Maniac.Copy !req
991. Mani... oh, hold on,
I think there's a chance here.Copy !req
992. ENGINE REVS, TYRES SQUEALCopy !req
993. Ohhh... damn it!Copy !req
994. You've got Johnny Foreigner
coming over here,Copy !req
995. they don't pay a penny...Copy !req
996. Bloody council not mending
the bloody roads.Copy !req
997. James, there's a corner
coming up, a corner.Copy !req
998. There's a sign saying, "corner".
Do take care this time, OK?Copy !req
999. To be honest, I didn't notice
James's latest accidentCopy !req
1000. because I'd found yet another
feature in my amazing car.Copy !req
1001. If I push this button here
that increases the temperature,Copy !req
1002. and then hold it down
for a little while...Copy !req
1003. There we go.Copy !req
1004. Lovely, lovely. Mm-mm, smoke!Copy !req
1005. Obviously, there's a fair bit
of choking you have to go through,Copy !req
1006. but, um... look at the result!Copy !req
1007. People like
a... a real fire in their homes.Copy !req
1008. I've got one in my car.Copy !req
1009. It's a good job this car
has a chimney.Copy !req
1010. Obviously, that's a very good
design feature.Copy !req
1011. When I met up with James again,Copy !req
1012. it was at the Peugeot driver's
worst nightmare -Copy !req
1013. a double mini-roundabout.Copy !req
1014. Now...Copy !req
1015. Dear God. Right, that's clear...Copy !req
1016. I don't know.Copy !req
1017. It's...Copy !req
1018. Maniac!Copy !req
1019. Oh, God - no more double
mini-roundabouts ever, please.Copy !req
1020. After such a terrifying ordeal,Copy !req
1021. we needed hot sweet tea
to calm our nerves,Copy !req
1022. so we went to a nearby
garden centre.Copy !req
1023. Will Hull e-mails,
"I suggest we bring back workhouses.Copy !req
1024. "That would deter people
exploiting the stateCopy !req
1025. "and having as many children
as they want."A space there, nearly.Copy !req
1026. Entrance?Copy !req
1027. I'll have to come in forwards.Copy !req
1028. A cup of tea. Ooh... perfect.Copy !req
1029. Have you seen this, James?
What?Copy !req
1030. Carrots stop you getting cancer.
Really? Yeah.Copy !req
1031. But The Mail said
it was toma... tomatoes.Copy !req
1032. Or was it tomatoes give you cancer?Copy !req
1033. I thought Diana gave you cancer.
Or was it house prices?Copy !req
1034. No, immigrants do house pr...Copy !req
1035. Oh, I get confused.Copy !req
1036. 'Afternoon tea over,
we got back on the road.'Copy !req
1037. Maniac!Copy !req
1038. After a busy day,
we were heading home,Copy !req
1039. and to get there,
we'd fitted our carsCopy !req
1040. with something called
"satellite navigation".Copy !req
1041. Incredible device.
It was a present from my children.Copy !req
1042. It knows if it's at my house.Copy !req
1043. All I have to do is as I'm told.Copy !req
1044. So I go left here... yes...Copy !req
1045. Right, according to
the electric map, I go right.Copy !req
1046. This is, um...Copy !req
1047. .. overgrown - the council
should really do somethingCopy !req
1048. about this road here.Copy !req
1049. It's weird, isn't it?
You hear stories all the timeCopy !req
1050. about idiots who, "Oh, I was
following the satellite navigationCopy !req
1051. "and I drove off a cliff
or into a canal",Copy !req
1052. and you think, "What a moron!"Copy !req
1053. Must be a shortcut. Bloody clever.Copy !req
1054. And here we are. Home sweet home!Copy !req
1055. Ah, joy!Copy !req
1056. So, there we are - Peugeot.Copy !req
1057. They were brilliant
at making strong cars.Copy !req
1058. They were brilliant
at making sporty cars,Copy !req
1059. and for the last decade,Copy !req
1060. they have been brilliant
at making terrible cars.Copy !req
1061. This really is THE perfect car
for the world's imperfect drivers.Copy !req
1062. "The simple way to stop
speeding is to hand a jail sentenceCopy !req
1063. "to anyone who's caught
breaking the speed limit,Copy !req
1064. "and that will sort the problem."Copy !req
1065. Jenny in Ramsgate, Kent...Copy !req
1066. CAR HONKS, ALARM BLEEPSCopy !req
1067. But here's the worry.Copy !req
1068. Soon, it will be time for Peugeot
to change its mind againCopy !req
1069. and think of something new.Copy !req
1070. And who knows what that'll be.Copy !req
1071. Knowing Peugeot, it could be...Copy !req
1072. ..a type of inert gas.Copy !req
1073. The Peugeot nine-piece
Rhythm and Blues band.Copy !req
1074. Only time will tell.Copy !req
1075. Take My Breath Away
by BerlinCopy !req
1076. Really?Copy !req
1077. Worst thing ever on Top Gear,
the choking -Copy !req
1078. I've never, never ever had
anything worseCopy !req
1079. than being choked to death
in a car on fire.Copy !req
1080. Hang on.What? Hang on a minute.Copy !req
1081. Are you two saying that Peugeot
have spent ten yearsCopy !req
1082. deliberately making terrible cars?Copy !req
1083. Mm. Well, yeah - you can't make cars
that consistently bad by accident.Copy !req
1084. No, think about it, Hammond,
think about it.Copy !req
1085. What is the point of making a carCopy !req
1086. with complicated brakes
and expensive suspensionCopy !req
1087. if you're just going
to sell it to someoneCopy !req
1088. who only wants Jeremy Vine
and easy finance?Copy !req
1089. Exactly - you make cars
as cheaply as possibleCopy !req
1090. and then sell them to people
who won't notice.Copy !req
1091. I mean, think of it this way, OK?
Right now, even as we speak,Copy !req
1092. nine million people in Britain
are so uninterested in cars,Copy !req
1093. they're watching that Midwife
thing on the other side.Copy !req
1094. And you're saying
they're all Peugeot drivers?Copy !req
1095. Yes, I am, and they're all going
to be absolutely heartbrokenCopy !req
1096. when Peugeot starts making cows.Copy !req
1097. And on that bombshell,
it's time to end.Copy !req
1098. Thank you so much for watching.
See you next week. Good night!Copy !req