1. Olá. Olá, pessoal, muito obrigado. Obrigado.Copy !req
2. Grandes boas vindas! Agradável.Copy !req
3. Grandes boas vindas.
Obrigado e bem vindos.Copy !req
4. Bem vindos ao que é um episódio muito especial,Copy !req
5. porque é o nosso especial de Natal.Copy !req
6. Sim, e este ano
é um pouco diferente.Copy !req
7. Sim, porque na verdade
estamos a meio de março.Copy !req
8. A principal razão de ser um pouco diferente é que os nossos produtoresCopy !req
9. disseram-nos que deviamos tentar a nossa sorte na condução de longas distâncias em camiões.Copy !req
10. Literalmente, a minha ideia de paraíso.Copy !req
11. Disseram-nos a cada um para comprarmos um camião e nos apresentarmos com eleCopy !req
12. ao que a BBC chama República da União de Myanmar.Copy !req
13. Mas o resto do mundo chama-lhe Burma.Copy !req
14. O ponto de encontro era
um grande terrenoCopy !req
15. no meio da antiga capital, Rangoon.Copy !req
16. E eu fui o primeiro a chegar.Copy !req
17. Eu comprei uma aparelhagem.Copy !req
18. Tenho um sistema de colunas aqui no telhado,Copy !req
19. o assento do passegeiro foi substituído por um subwoofer,Copy !req
20. e tem dois amplificadores com uma potência combinada de 2,300 watts.Copy !req
21. O melhor de tudo é que,
incluído no preço estava este penteCopy !req
22. e... um camião completo.Copy !req
23. Foi construído em 1959...Copy !req
24. ou 1976.
As pessoas estão um pouco confusas em relação a isso.Copy !req
25. O que sabemos com certeza é que a Isuzu fez as palas dos pneus,Copy !req
26. o que é estranho, porque diz
Mitsubishi nos eixos.Copy !req
27. Ooh!Copy !req
28. Aquele é o James? Sim, é o James.Copy !req
29. Não chamaria àquilo camião.Copy !req
30. Bom dia. Carrinha, companheiro. O quê?Copy !req
31. Tinhamos de trazer camiões.
Isto é um camião.Copy !req
32. É uma carrinha. Tecnicamente é um guindaste,
na verdade. Comprei um guindaste.Copy !req
33. Oh, é o que isso é?
Olha para aquilo.Copy !req
34. Um guindaste, dois guinchos,
carneiros hidráulicos, pernas...Copy !req
35. E tinha o mais recente
em painéis de alta tecnologia.Copy !req
36. Isso é uma confusão.Copy !req
37. Isto não vai levar
o teu OCD à loucura...Copy !req
38. Bem, eu pus etiquetas nas coisas
correspondendo ao que eu penso que elas fazem.Copy !req
39. Perigo... O que é isto?
Eu tenho um desses.Copy !req
40. Tive de por um ponto de interrogação
nesse. O meu é um camião desportivo.Copy !req
41. Motor 6-em-linha, tração traseira,
escapes twin.Copy !req
42. BMW 325i e estes, quase idênticos.Copy !req
43. Excelente aparelhagem. A sério?Copy !req
44. A sério. Queres ouvi-lo?
Nem por isso. Estou à espera que seja...Copy !req
45. De qualquer maneira, tenho a certeza
que isso não se vai tornar irritante.Copy !req
46. Tenho de te fazer uma pergunta. O quê?
Porque estás a usar uma gravata?Copy !req
47. Porque sou um camionista moderno,Copy !req
48. e os camionistas modernos
são decididos e perspicazes.Copy !req
49. Os dias acabaram
em que simplesmente apareciasCopy !req
50. com o porta luvas cheio de pornografia forte
e ovo no teu colete.Copy !req
51. A esta altura, o Hammond chegouCopy !req
52. com o porta luvas cheio de pornografia forte
e ovo no seu colete.Copy !req
53. O que acham?Copy !req
54. O que é isso?
Um camião ou um templo Hindu?Copy !req
55. Isto foi extensivamente modificado.
Foi?Copy !req
56. Não apenas os melhoramentos visuais.Copy !req
57. Eles ainda são alguns, as luzes e
as coisinhas bicudas, mas vejam...Copy !req
58. Oh, Deus.Copy !req
59. Toda esta estrutura,
certo, é uma carrinha de quinta. Yeah.Copy !req
60. E isso é para poder acomodar
aquelas cargas de baixa densidade.Copy !req
61. Grandes cargas de quê? Colheitas.
Que colheita? Aqui? Em Burma?Copy !req
62. Casa do Triângulo Dourado?
Feno. Não. Ou nabos. Não.Copy !req
63. Couve. Não, heroína.Copy !req
64. É só isso que aqui produzem.
Compras-te um camião de heroína.Copy !req
65. Cabe muita heroína ali,
não cabe?Copy !req
66. Hammond, este assento, bem, vamos ser honestos,
é um banco da igreja. Yeah.Copy !req
67. Parece-se com o tipo de carruagem
em que Agatha Christie andava.Copy !req
68. O James comprou uma carrinha.Copy !req
69. Ele estacionou-o muito longe,
ou é assim tão pequeno?Copy !req
70. Enquanto admiravamos a pintura do camião do Jeremy, o nosso desafio chegou.Copy !req
71. Eu estou entusiasmado, na verdade, agora que
penso bem! Estamos aqui com os camiões.Copy !req
72. Em 1943, os prisioneiros de guerra
ingleses, australianos e holandesesCopy !req
73. foram forçados pelos seus captores japoneses
a construir a Burma RailwayCopy !req
74. através do sudeste da Ásia.Copy !req
75. Os seus esforços e o seu sofrimento
foram imortalizados no filmeCopy !req
76. Bridge On The River Kwai.
É isso que vocês vão fazer.Copy !req
77. Vão construir uma ponte
que seja suficientemente forteCopy !req
78. para aguentar o peso
dos vossos camiões.Copy !req
79. Eu não sei nada sobre
construção de pontes. Construir uma ponte?Copy !req
80. Que tamanho vai ter de ter a ponte
que construirmos... Sim, que tamanho?Copy !req
81. Quanto pesa o teu? Umas 1,000 toneladas.
Temo que ainda fica pior.Copy !req
82. Lembram-se que eles disseram condução de longas distâncias
em camiões? Sim.Copy !req
83. O único problema é que temos de
conduzir até ao rio em questão,Copy !req
84. que fica na Tailândia.Copy !req
85. O rio Kwai não fica na Tailândia.
Fica, sim.Copy !req
86. O rio Kwai fica na Tailândia.
Fica? Onde fica a Tailândia? Mas fica...Copy !req
87. Eu prometo, o rio Kwai,Copy !req
88. Eu sei que toda a gente pensa que fica em Burma,
não fica, fica na Tailândia.Copy !req
89. Então vamos construir uma ponte
por cima do rio Kwai.Copy !req
90. Como o Alec Guinness.
Eu não sei como construir uma ponte.Copy !req
91. Com a moral alta,
a viagem começou.Copy !req
92. Cá vamos nós.Copy !req
93. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
94. Nõs decidimos que a maneira mais sensata
de chegar ao rioCopy !req
95. era irmos pelo meio de BurmaCopy !req
96. até ao ponto mais a norte da sua fronteira
com a Tailândia.Copy !req
97. Nesta épica viagem de 1930 km,Copy !req
98. iríamos encontrar cidades novas estranhas
sem ninguém nelas,Copy !req
99. atravessar cadeias de montanhas tiradas
diretamente do Jurassic Park,Copy !req
100. cruzar rios cheios de doenças
e estar numa festa que fazCopy !req
101. a cena final do Apocalypse Now
parecer uma noite caseira tranquila.Copy !req
102. E teriamos de fazer tudo isto
em camiões que,Copy !req
103. logo desde o início,
não estavam a funcionar corretamente.Copy !req
104. Isto tem medidores. Nada funciona.Copy !req
105. Mesmo nada. Nenhum deles.Copy !req
106. Nem o do combustivel, óleo,
pressão do óleo, bateria, vácuo,Copy !req
107. temperatura, nada funciona.Copy !req
108. Oh, Meu Deus!Copy !req
109. Ah! Não é isso.Copy !req
110. Esta caixa de velocidades
não está sincronizada,Copy !req
111. por isso quando se vai de 3ª para 2ª
ou outro qualquer, tem de se -Copy !req
112. oh, Meu Deus - fazer uma dupla-embreagem.Copy !req
113. Assim. Só que mais suave.Copy !req
114. Oh!Copy !req
115. Oh, Deus.Copy !req
116. A que velocidade estou a ir?
Velocímetro não funciona.Copy !req
117. Oh, my giddy aunt!
The ride is shocking.Copy !req
118. OG!Copy !req
119. Possibly a bit of play
in the steering.Copy !req
120. Let me talk you through my brakes.
They don't really work.Copy !req
121. I've got three centimetres of
pedal travel where nothing happens,Copy !req
122. and then a millimetre where it all
happens and the wheels lock up.Copy !req
123. There's no handbrake, and I'm not
being stupid. I've looked everywhere.Copy !req
124. There isn't a puh-chh! one,
there isn't hand one, there isn't a switch.Copy !req
125. And on top of
the mechanical problems,Copy !req
126. we had to deal with
Rangoon's pedestrians.Copy !req
127. Stop wandering about in the road!Copy !req
128. Whoa! A granddad's just walked by that
child, right underneath your lorry.Copy !req
129. Whoa! Somebody else just did it.Copy !req
130. Pedestrians have no concept
of traffic. None at all.Copy !req
131. And there was another issue.Copy !req
132. One of the reasons that driving
here is so difficultCopy !req
133. is because everybody, as you can
see, has right-hand-drive cars,Copy !req
134. but they drive on the right.Copy !req
135. And this is because, for 46 years,
Burma was run byCopy !req
136. a chap called General Ne Win,
who was a proper lunatic.Copy !req
137. He was guided mostly either by
his dreams or by his astrologers.Copy !req
138. One morning, he woke up
and he thought,Copy !req
139. "My country is slipping too far
to the left politically,Copy !req
140. "so I shall correct this
by forcing everybodyCopy !req
141. "to drive on the right-hand side
of the road."Copy !req
142. This makes life particularly
difficult for bus passengers.Copy !req
143. In a minute, we'll see a bus
pulled up at the side of the road,Copy !req
144. at a bus stop, but all the people
will be getting outCopy !req
145. into the road, because the bus used
to go on the left, so the doors...Copy !req
146. It's just complete madness!Copy !req
147. You may be wondering why todayCopy !req
148. people don't buy
left-hand-drive cars...Copy !req
149. .. and if I'm honest,
I'm wondering that as well.Copy !req
150. Our worst problem, however,
was that James was navigating.Copy !req
151. James, can I say,
this can't be right.Copy !req
152. Sorry! Sorry!Copy !req
153. How does James ever land his
aeroplane where he wants to be?Copy !req
154. Right, should be this way.Copy !req
155. 'It wasn't.'
Will I even fit down there?Copy !req
156. Mind that sign on your right,
Hammond. This is ridiculously tight!Copy !req
157. 'As I sorted out some compensation
for the damaged fruit...'Copy !req
158. Thank you. No, no!
Oh, I see, it was not enough.Copy !req
159. '.. Hammond was discovering
for the very first timeCopy !req
160. 'the problems of being tall.'Copy !req
161. Hold on a second, these wires...
these are too low.Copy !req
162. Oh, God.Copy !req
163. I'm thinking if I crane out...
It's only this one, isn't it?Copy !req
164. Yeah, lift that, you come
underneath, I'll drop it on you,Copy !req
165. then it will just slide
along your rails.Copy !req
166. Do it.
How about five crisp English pounds?Copy !req
167. Keep coming. Keep coming.Copy !req
168. Haven't been electrocuted yet.Copy !req
169. Haven't been electrocuted yet.
Still haven't been electrocuted.Copy !req
170. I don't like it!
Oh, everyone's going to die!Copy !req
171. You've ripped a hole
in the top of my truck!Copy !req
172. James... Why is your...
Your lorry's moving, James!Copy !req
173. You've winched yourself into...
Put your handbrake on.Copy !req
174. It hasn't got a handbrake.
What do you mean,
it hasn't got a handbrake?Copy !req
175. It hasn't got a handbrake!Copy !req
176. 'We were causing chaos.'Copy !req
177. It's broken.Copy !req
178. Whoa! What was that?
James, I've got a headache!Copy !req
179. I've never concentrated this hard!Copy !req
180. Sorry. I don't think it will
go through there, mate.Copy !req
181. Sorry. Sorry.Copy !req
182. Still, the good news is
we've done two miles.Copy !req
183. 'Mercifully, we eventually broke
free from the narrow streets.'Copy !req
184. I'm in agony. Left foot,
endless gear changing...Copy !req
185. God above.Copy !req
186. Reverse.Copy !req
187. Third... Oh, Christ!Copy !req
188. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
189. If I engage the low range
then I can put it in third gearCopy !req
190. and basically leave it there
all day.Copy !req
191. A-ha! How brilliant is this?Copy !req
192. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
193. No more gear changing.Copy !req
194. That doesn't feel
very low range to me.Copy !req
195. What is it
if it isn't a low-range gearbox?Copy !req
196. Oh, my God!Copy !req
197. My truck has split in half.Copy !req
198. 'After I had explained to Jeremy
that he'd bought a tipper lorry,Copy !req
199. 'I then had to deal with
CW McCall on the CB radio.'Copy !req
200. Hey, James. Hello.Copy !req
201. I've got it. You've got it?Copy !req
202. Yeah, my handle.Copy !req
203. I'm going to be called
Fighting Peacock.Copy !req
204. Can I just abbreviate that to Cock?
What are you going to be?Copy !req
205. I thought I'd be James,
because that's my name.Copy !req
206. Fighting Peacock!Copy !req
207. 'On the outskirts of Rangoon,
we came across a memorialCopy !req
208. 'to the 27,000 Commonwealth soldiersCopy !req
209. 'who died here
in the Second World War.Copy !req
210. 'It was a timely reminder that
the Bridge On The River KwaiCopy !req
211. 'was rather more than
a Sunday afternoon movie.'Copy !req
212. "The Japanese sergeant moved into
position, lifted his pick handleCopy !req
213. "and delivered a blow across Smith's back
that would have laid out a bull.Copy !req
214. "All the thugs now set to
in earnest.Copy !req
215. "Soon, little could be seen
but the rise and fallCopy !req
216. "of pick helves
above the heads of the group,Copy !req
217. "and there were sickening thuds as blows
went home on the squirming, kicking body,Copy !req
218. "periodically pulled back onto its
feet only to be knocked down again.Copy !req
219. "Bill Smith cried out repeatedly
that he was 50 years of age,Copy !req
220. "appealing for mercy,
but to no avail..."Copy !req
221. The tragedy is
that all of those 27,000 menCopy !req
222. died fighting for
the liberation of Burma,Copy !req
223. and straight after the war,
Britain got rid of itCopy !req
224. and then it fell into the hands
of a tin-pot dictator and Mystic Meg.Copy !req
225. 'With James still map-reading,
we headed out into the countryside,Copy !req
226. 'where we hoped the driving
would be less stressful.'Copy !req
227. Nora!Copy !req
228. That's my first lock-up,
total lock-up.Copy !req
229. I've lost second gear.Copy !req
230. There it is.Copy !req
231. Jeremy, that bus overtaking you,
he's mad.Copy !req
232. Look, I can't,
I'm trying to change gear.Copy !req
233. 'The miles and the hours rolled by.'Copy !req
234. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
235. I'm sitting on a church pew,
for God's sake.Copy !req
236. My knee... Ah!Copy !req
237. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
238. My knee! Ow!Copy !req
239. That is the going down of the sun.Copy !req
240. It's fabulous. Look at that.Copy !req
241. However, when the sun
had finished going down,Copy !req
242. things weren't so fabulous.Copy !req
243. That girl on that bike,
she's just invisible.Copy !req
244. There's a moped there
with no lights onCopy !req
245. and a bicycle there
with no lights on,Copy !req
246. and I can't really see them,Copy !req
247. because my headlights are, well,
they're glow-worms in jam jars.Copy !req
248. Can you see anything, Hammond?Copy !req
249. Not a thing.Copy !req
250. Literally, just my own stupid
reflection in my windscreen.Copy !req
251. Jeez, I'm so frightened of
running over a pedestrian,Copy !req
252. I'm not even worried
about my knee any more.Copy !req
253. Whoa!Copy !req
254. Well, if I had to dip
the headlights,Copy !req
255. it would appear to be
full beam or off.Copy !req
256. A lorry with one central headlamp,
so you think it's a motorbikeCopy !req
257. until the last second, and then, no!
It's a massive truck!Copy !req
258. I'm bloody tired. I've been driving
today for exactly 12 hours.Copy !req
259. That would be illegal in Britain.Copy !req
260. But we are now very close
to the overnight hotel.Copy !req
261. 'Two agonising hours later,
we reached it.'Copy !req
262. Do you know what? This is like a
trucker's place. Are we staying here?Copy !req
263. 'The producers said yes,
and that our room was upstairs.'Copy !req
264. Oh, it's not so bad!
Is it not so bad? Yeah.Copy !req
265. Oh, God.Copy !req
266. Worst night's sleep in history.
It wasn't sleep.Copy !req
267. This lot. What were they doing?Copy !req
268. That.Copy !req
269. Look what I've done.Copy !req
270. What have you done?Copy !req
271. It's a leg brace so I can change
gear. So it supports my knee.Copy !req
272. Let's go. Let's just move on,
erase it...Copy !req
273. You know those Ice Road Truckers,
they're always going,Copy !req
274. "We got a real tough job..."
They can shut up.Copy !req
275. Cos I don't suspect that
the Ice Road TruckersCopy !req
276. have to sleep like this chap here.Copy !req
277. Look at him.Copy !req
278. 'Before leaving, I checked the map
to see how far we'd come.'Copy !req
279. No? Here? Are you sure?Copy !req
280. Here.Copy !req
281. Show me. Hammond.Copy !req
282. This is where we began.Copy !req
283. We're heading for here,
up here, around here.Copy !req
284. So where do you think we are, then,
on this road?Copy !req
285. No. We're here.Copy !req
286. You know that fork when we left
Rangoon and James went left?Copy !req
287. All of yesterday we drove up here.
What was it, 14, 15 hours?Copy !req
288. Yeah, but... You're on
the way to Bangladesh.Copy !req
289. 'James suggested we go
all the way back to RangoonCopy !req
290. 'and start again, but I fired him
as navigator and saidCopy !req
291. 'we should take a small road over
the hills to get back on course.Copy !req
292. 'This would mean driving
deep into the sticks.'Copy !req
293. There seems to be a tradition here
for riding on a lorry rather thanCopy !req
294. necessarily in it. I've just seen
three or four blokesCopy !req
295. on the top of the cab of a lorry.Copy !req
296. So if he brakes suddenly,Copy !req
297. they all get run over, I suppose.Copy !req
298. 'Still, could be worse.'Copy !req
299. Uh!Copy !req
300. I'm not a young man and I'm
not a fit man, I'll be honest.Copy !req
301. And I am suffering in here.
This ride is really brutal.Copy !req
302. The problem is that the sports
lorry was designedCopy !req
303. to work for a living,Copy !req
304. was designed to have five or six
tonnes of stuff in the back.Copy !req
305. Without that weight, it's just
bouncing all over the place.Copy !req
306. 'Obviously, I didn't want
to admit this to my colleagues,Copy !req
307. 'so when we stopped for tea I tried
discreetly to rectify the problem.'Copy !req
308. He's putting bricks in his truck to
weigh it down to improve the ride.Copy !req
309. I can see. He's going to need
a lot of bricks.Copy !req
310. 'Having come to the same conclusion,Copy !req
311. 'I decided to borrow
James's complicated crane.'Copy !req
312. I can't stand watching this.Copy !req
313. Right.Copy !req
314. What the hell's happening?
What have you done, you moron?Copy !req
315. I think you've actually
caught your own lorry.Copy !req
316. Stop! Help! My knee!Copy !req
317. Save the day!Copy !req
318. Oh, dear. Stop! Put it down!Copy !req
319. You'll break the jib off the crane.
And you've knackered my lorry.Copy !req
320. I've just saved the day
by tipping my lorry up.Copy !req
321. The bricks have fallen out,
the handbrake's not on.Copy !req
322. What have you done? It is on.Copy !req
323. 'At this point, I opted for
a less high-tech solution.Copy !req
324. 'And after they'd loaded a tonne
of bricks in the back,Copy !req
325. 'there was a noticeable difference.'Copy !req
326. It's not perfect,
but it's a hell of a lot better.Copy !req
327. If I put more weight in,
it will be even more comfortable.Copy !req
328. 'So at the next village, I bought
some of the region's special seeds.'Copy !req
329. What's he doing?Copy !req
330. He thinks he's bought some heroin.Copy !req
331. I have. Has he?Copy !req
332. I have bought heroin. It's rice.
It isn't rice. It is rice.Copy !req
333. Richard Hammond, trust me on this,
on the streets of London,Copy !req
334. this has a value of £12 million.Copy !req
335. No, mate, on the shelves of Tesco,
that has a value of about a fiver.Copy !req
336. It's not rice!
Are you going to cut it with peas?Copy !req
337. 'With the heroin loaded,Copy !req
338. 'I found a heavy old tree stumpCopy !req
339. 'and asked James
to crane it on board as well.'Copy !req
340. He is so unbelievably happy.Copy !req
341. 'With the sports lorry fully loaded,
it was transformed.'Copy !req
342. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
343. First bump, I shan't even feel it,
because the ride is sublime.Copy !req
344. The ride of a Rolls-Royce Phantom.Copy !req
345. 'However, on the hills,
there was a bit of a downside.'Copy !req
346. Hello, James and Richard?Copy !req
347. What?Copy !req
348. This is my new top speed.Copy !req
349. Oh, God, I thought we were
stuck behind a moped.Copy !req
350. I couldn't see. Is this it?Copy !req
351. Yes.Copy !req
352. You're a right dipstick.Copy !req
353. Yes.Copy !req
354. 'And because the road was so narrow,
we couldn't get past him.'Copy !req
355. Uh-oh!Copy !req
356. Steep gradient.Copy !req
357. Foot hard down.Copy !req
358. Dearie me, we're in trouble here.Copy !req
359. This is ridiculous!
We're hardly moving.Copy !req
360. No, we've had it.
You're going to have to back up.Copy !req
361. I need a run-up for this bit. What?
It won't go up this hill.Copy !req
362. You're going to have to back up.Copy !req
363. No, this hill has gone on
for about a mile through hairpins.Copy !req
364. I'm not reversing back down.Copy !req
365. James, could you explain the situation
to him? I can't go forwards.Copy !req
366. I can't back up either.Copy !req
367. A, Hammond's in the way,
and B, I can't be bothered.Copy !req
368. .. There's round bends,
this people on bikes. No.Copy !req
369. Well, there's only one thing for it,
then. I have to lose weight.Copy !req
370. Oh, no.Copy !req
371. No! Jeremy, that's not...Copy !req
372. You are a complete child,
a petulant child.Copy !req
373. You wanted me
to move out of your way.Copy !req
374. I am now able
to move out of your way.Copy !req
375. Look at this. Yes!Copy !req
376. This lorry
is now scampering up these hills.Copy !req
377. Right. Well...Copy !req
378. One, two...Copy !req
379. 'Stopping to mend my tailgate
allowed the others to catch up,Copy !req
380. 'and when they did,
they weren't in the best of moods.'Copy !req
381. I've got a new handle for you on
the CB. It's called Selfish BLEEP.Copy !req
382. 'And things didn't improve
a few miles laterCopy !req
383. 'when the hill route I'd selected
went a bit wrong.'Copy !req
384. Your road is sort of not a road,
is it? Let's be honest.Copy !req
385. Clarkson, you are a...Copy !req
386. It's not really a road here at all.
We've got a ford.Copy !req
387. Here we go, into the water.Copy !req
388. Lots of wheel spin, sliding badly.Copy !req
389. Oh, yes.Copy !req
390. The sports lorry is clear,
it's through.Copy !req
391. It's time for the smug face.Copy !req
392. 'Mr Slowly went next... in his van.'Copy !req
393. That's quite clunky.Copy !req
394. It's... There's something stuck
there, I can feel it.Copy !req
395. We'll break the front axle off.Copy !req
396. 'Hammond immediately rushed
to May's aid.'Copy !req
397. Ramming.Copy !req
398. Stop!Copy !req
399. 'James then tried
to winch himself offCopy !req
400. 'using Hammond's truck
as a ground anchor.'Copy !req
401. Ted Nugent and George Michael
are helping one another out.Copy !req
402. 'After this failed,
I tried to tow him clear.'Copy !req
403. Three, two, one, now.Copy !req
404. 'But that didn't work either.'Copy !req
405. Stop!Copy !req
406. 'He then decided to use his crane,
which immediately broke.Copy !req
407. 'He really was stuck, so we were
forced to take drastic action.'Copy !req
408. Hammond and I have had
a bit of a chat and we are...Copy !req
409. Well, we're leaving him.Copy !req
410. He has bought a van
that has no traction at all,Copy !req
411. no ability to work off roadCopy !req
412. and now no hydraulics
so none of his tools work.Copy !req
413. You've got to be ruthless
in these circumstances.Copy !req
414. With his crane, he was useful.Copy !req
415. Without it,
he's just another mouth to feed.Copy !req
416. 'I settled in for another stint with
the world's most cooperative gearbox.'Copy !req
417. Oh, bollocks, missed again.Copy !req
418. Nothing there.Copy !req
419. Nothing there, there it is.Copy !req
420. 'I knew, on these twisting roads,
life was even worse for Hammond.'Copy !req
421. This is really annoying.Copy !req
422. 'Still, at least I was moving.'Copy !req
423. The situation report.Copy !req
424. I've been rescued by a very helpful
local man with his truck.Copy !req
425. I still don't know his name.Copy !req
426. He's lent me this arc welderCopy !req
427. to repair the shaft that drives
the pump that makes the crane work.Copy !req
428. 'With that done, my fellow
knight of the road towed meCopy !req
429. 'back to firmer ground.'Copy !req
430. And then we're free.Copy !req
431. I must remember to say a thousand
chei-zu-boos to this man.Copy !req
432. 'Miles ahead. In the advance party,
we were really starting to climb.'Copy !req
433. Oh-ho-ho!Copy !req
434. Wow!Copy !req
435. 'The views were stunning.Copy !req
436. 'And at the top of the hill,
we pulled over for a bit of a look.'Copy !req
437. You know we always say
that Italy is God's race track,Copy !req
438. Canada is his pantry,
Germany is his workshop?Copy !req
439. That's his garden.Copy !req
440. Absolutely staggering.Copy !req
441. 'Captain Traction would have enjoyed
this view very much, however...'Copy !req
442. Bollocks.Copy !req
443. The local bloke with a digger is
giving me a little leg up there.Copy !req
444. It's great, isn't it? This must be
Buddhism in action.Copy !req
445. I might convert.Copy !req
446. From whatever I already am.Copy !req
447. 'Very, very far ahead,
Hammond and I finally found the roadCopy !req
448. 'we should have been on
in the first place.'Copy !req
449. Put it in top gear.Copy !req
450. There it is. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
451. That sounds terrible.Copy !req
452. It's like being back in Spain.
Nothing on it.Copy !req
453. 'Regrouped, we continued onwards.Copy !req
454. 'Our destination, Burma's brand-new
capital city, Naypyidaw.'Copy !req
455. 'Here, the producers had once again
lined up a hovel for us to stay in.Copy !req
456. 'But we were hot, filthy
and worn out.Copy !req
457. 'So we ignored them and headed
for the best hotel in town.'Copy !req
458. A flushing lavatory.Copy !req
459. Oh, rest my weary head.Copy !req
460. Having first filled it with gin.Copy !req
461. Oh, listen to that rain.Copy !req
462. It'll be like the shower
or something. 30 seconds.Copy !req
463. 'Our only problem was that two of usCopy !req
464. 'weren't exactly dressed
for a place like this.'Copy !req
465. Let me do the talking.Copy !req
466. Good evening, sir. Evening, sir.Copy !req
467. Three rooms, please.Copy !req
468. Sorry, no more rooms, sir.Copy !req
469. Fully booked.Copy !req
470. Sorry, sir.Copy !req
471. 'The next morning
after another dreadful night,Copy !req
472. 'we decided enough was enough and
agreed we should modify our lorriesCopy !req
473. 'to make them more suitable
for our travels through Burma.Copy !req
474. 'So we found a workshop,
hired some local help,Copy !req
475. 'toiled through the night,Copy !req
476. 'and the next morning
the job was done.'Copy !req
477. Every modification I have madeCopy !req
478. is inspired by my desire
not to run over any of the locals.Copy !req
479. So it has, for example,
Buddha looking down,Copy !req
480. a lucky elephant, the lucky owl
which is very important,Copy !req
481. it has better mirrors,Copy !req
482. better lights and it is wearing
a high visibility jacket.Copy !req
483. Yes, as are you. What is
the boiler in the back? That...Copy !req
484. Are you brewing beer?
What? No, sadly.Copy !req
485. It's the water tank
for the brake cooling system.Copy !req
486. What, like racing lorries have?
Exactly like that.Copy !req
487. It sprays. I've got a little switch.Copy !req
488. It sprays water on the drums,
makes them more efficient downhill.Copy !req
489. I didn't think of that.
No. What's the box?Copy !req
490. Air conditioning. What's that got to
do with safety? Keeps me alert.Copy !req
491. Does it? Yes.
And keeps him alert as well.Copy !req
492. Because he'll want to break it. Yes.Copy !req
493. 'Jeremy then showed us his work.'Copy !req
494. Why would you not have a convertible
lorry. Cos it's raining. Look at it!Copy !req
495. It's... It's quite good actually.
Smashing. It's very good.Copy !req
496. Shelby striping.
Sports badging on the side.Copy !req
497. Living accommodation on the back.Copy !req
498. This is fashioned from lead
and rhodium. Is it?Copy !req
499. Yes, for extra weight
to improve my ride. Come back.Copy !req
500. Simple, crisp accommodation inside,
Shelby bedding and ebony wood floor.Copy !req
501. More weight. Come on!
It looks brilliant.Copy !req
502. 'As, it must be said,
did Hammond's.'Copy !req
503. Hammond, you've got white walls!
Oh, yeah, yeah!Copy !req
504. The ugly duckling has become a swan.
Wow! Yeah!Copy !req
505. Check out my stacks. Please don't
tell me they're exhausts.Copy !req
506. Yeah. Both sides.Copy !req
507. What, actually func...? They are.
Yeah, there's a T-junction.Copy !req
508. Hang on, you've made it even taller.
I have. It's bigger, isn't it?Copy !req
509. It's better. But, come round
the back, this... Honestly.Copy !req
510. He did a little skip then.
He's very excited. He did a skip.Copy !req
511. I am very, very... What I have here,
this is the bathroom area. Shower.Copy !req
512. It's got a shower. Where's the water
come from? Ha-ha! Ha-ha yourself.Copy !req
513. There is, up the top, a reservoir.
About so big.Copy !req
514. On my viewing gallery. Hammond, it's
a bucket. It's... It's a bucket.Copy !req
515. It's a remote reservoir.Copy !req
516. And that is, right now,Copy !req
517. collecting beautiful crisp, clean,
fresh, invigorating rainwater.Copy !req
518. This is the kitchen area with lino
to reflect that. What's that?Copy !req
519. Over there is a wardrobe.Copy !req
520. There is a hammock with mosquito net
built-in. Drinks globe on the right.Copy !req
521. 'And Hammond wasn't finished.'Copy !req
522. From up here, on a sunny evening,
I can sit here as the sun goes down,Copy !req
523. gaze at the stars and enjoy
a drink from my drinks globe.Copy !req
524. Do you take visitors? Yeah.Copy !req
525. I think he's going to have to because
something has just occurred to me.Copy !req
526. What? You haven't got
any living accommodation.Copy !req
527. That's a very good point.
You've forgotten it, you idiot!Copy !req
528. No, I haven't.Copy !req
529. Well, you have.
Are you sleeping in the cab?Copy !req
530. Because it's not going to be
comparable. Let's... Let's see.Copy !req
531. 'Before we set off,
I gave the chaps some presents.'Copy !req
532. You bought us a teddy bear?
No, that's for me. Is it?Copy !req
533. Yeah, that's my bonnet ornament. Are
you feeling lonely? It's your what?Copy !req
534. Bonnet ornament for weight. It's
the heaviest teddy bear in Burma.Copy !req
535. 'I'd got Hammond
a bonnet ornament too.'Copy !req
536. Wow, that's beautiful.Copy !req
537. I know you don't have a clock
so you'll have it on the bonnet,Copy !req
538. you'll be able to tell the time.
Oh, it really is...Copy !req
539. It's a high-quality gift.
Oh, fantastic! Thank you.Copy !req
540. I've always wanted
a Shuanglin hammer.Copy !req
541. It's from my own personal
collection.Copy !req
542. 'Having christened my bear Rudyard,
and attached him to the
sports lorry, we set off.'Copy !req
543. Oh, this feels better already.Copy !req
544. Oh, hang on.Copy !req
545. Richard Hammond is doing
a remake of The Poseidon Adventure.Copy !req
546. 'We had many miles to coverCopy !req
547. 'but first we had to get through
Naypyidaw's morning rush hour.'Copy !req
548. This rush hour traffic is
not as bad as I thought.Copy !req
549. 'The roads were completely empty.
And massive.'Copy !req
550. One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight. Yep, 16 lanes now.Copy !req
551. Wait, it's gone bigger.Copy !req
552. Five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten. 20.Copy !req
553. It's 20 lanes now.Copy !req
554. 'This may look stupid and pointless,
but actually it really isn't.'Copy !req
555. The problem with most cities
is that the growth comesCopy !req
556. and the city simply
can't accommodate it.Copy !req
557. That happened in London, Rome,
Paris, Bangkok, everywhere.Copy !req
558. That is not going to happen here.Copy !req
559. I think this must be
the first city builtCopy !req
560. entirely in anticipation
of the future.Copy !req
561. 'But the future hasn't arrived yet.Copy !req
562. 'So, for now, the whole place is
almost completely deserted.Copy !req
563. 'Even here, in the shadow
of the parliament building,Copy !req
564. 'we were able to have a game of
football in the middle of the road.'Copy !req
565. Officer.Copy !req
566. It's the Burmese police versus Top
Gear. Oh, no. Rush hour, game over.Copy !req
567. Look at it, traffic.Copy !req
568. Really though,
it was too wet for football.Copy !req
569. So, much to Hammond's annoyance, we
organised a city centre drag race.Copy !req
570. This doesn't seem fair.Copy !req
571. I've got the same 6.4 litre Isuzu
straight-six diesel as Jeremy'sCopy !req
572. and probably James's,
but the lumber bus is bigger.Copy !req
573. We're not going to cover ourselves
in glory here, old girl.Copy !req
574. Disastrous start. There it is!Copy !req
575. This is going to hurt,
we're going to have to rev you hard.Copy !req
576. Sports truck is gaining. Gaining.Copy !req
577. Gaining. Gaining, gaining.Copy !req
578. No!Copy !req
579. 115km an hour.Copy !req
580. Come on! Yes!Copy !req
581. Oh, victory is sweet.Copy !req
582. Second place.
But I have got a crane.Copy !req
583. Must brake, must brake.Copy !req
584. Oh, got a football under
the brake pedal. That's bad.Copy !req
585. Hammond, have you finished yet?Copy !req
586. Still going.Copy !req
587. 'After Hammond had lumbered across
the line, we headed out of NaypyidawCopy !req
588. 'and soon we started to discover
some flaws with our modifications.'Copy !req
589. Oh, my... No... no, wait.Copy !req
590. I'm speaking to you now from underneath
my businessman's umbrella.Copy !req
591. It has taken the water
about 15 minutes to fathom it outCopy !req
592. but it's in here now
and it's in in great quantities.Copy !req
593. Oh, I can hear my exhaust
hitting a tree.Copy !req
594. Hammond, you're doing the council
out of a job, mate.Copy !req
595. It's like I'm driving through
the aftermath of a hurricane.Copy !req
596. Let's rename him Pruning Peacock.Copy !req
597. 'Soon, though,
James was punished for mocking.'Copy !req
598. Captain Workmanship.Copy !req
599. It's a radiator hose.
It's not a bit I've touched.Copy !req
600. Well, we have a tradition.Copy !req
601. Oh, no, how am I going to
do it without them(!)Copy !req
602. 'Leaving James to deliver
an interesting lecture...'Copy !req
603. If you're watching this
from an engineering workshopCopy !req
604. or technical college, this is not
the correct tool for the job.Copy !req
605. '.. we continued on our way.'Copy !req
606. I think a lot of the fumes are coming
into the cab from under my new stack.Copy !req
607. Not all of my improvements
have turned out to be improvements.Copy !req
608. The simple tradition of
the British dustman,Copy !req
609. putting a teddy bear
on the front of a lorry,Copy !req
610. is bringing joy
to the children of Burma.Copy !req
611. They love Rudyard!Copy !req
612. 'By mid-afternoon
we were all reunitedCopy !req
613. 'and James took advantage
of my mobile maintenance service.'Copy !req
614. This isn't perilous at all(!)Copy !req
615. Oh, it's about
three or four inches.Copy !req
616. Too far.Copy !req
617. 'Soon, the road started to climb,
and as night fell,Copy !req
618. 'I turned on the roof lights
that I'd fitted myself.'Copy !req
619. Oh, yes!Copy !req
620. I'm driving a Pink Floyd gig
right now.Copy !req
621. I love this!
The noise, the chaos, the heat...Copy !req
622. I think I might have just lost
one of my...Copy !req
623. Yeah, I did. I lost a stack.Copy !req
624. I've got to carry on.Copy !req
625. I'm just going to pretend I didn't.Copy !req
626. 'Meanwhile, in the darkness,
James was coming over all Buddhist.'Copy !req
627. Hang on, I've got a personal
dog escort here.Copy !req
628. Shift your ass, dog.Copy !req
629. Oh, God, give me strength!Copy !req
630. I think that dog
was inhabited by a benign spirit.Copy !req
631. Seriously -
if that dog hadn't done that,Copy !req
632. I'd have gone onto the bridge
and I'd have hit the bus.Copy !req
633. 'Sadly, Buddhist dog wasn't around
when five miles later,Copy !req
634. 'I had another breakdown.'Copy !req
635. That's what came off. That's the
old one, which tore itself to shredsCopy !req
636. and in the process, pulled the wire
out of the senderCopy !req
637. for the temperature gauge,
so I don't have that any more.Copy !req
638. This lorry is crap.Copy !req
639. 'Up ahead, Richard and I
were looking forwardCopy !req
640. 'to a night in our new
on-board accommodation.Copy !req
641. 'But thanks to the British Empire,
we didn't need it.'Copy !req
642. 'After a night here,Copy !req
643. '4,000 feet up a mountain in a small
village in the middle of Burma,Copy !req
644. 'at this strangely odd
but comfortable Bournemouth hotel,Copy !req
645. 'we were feeling refreshed.Copy !req
646. 'And with Hammond leading,Copy !req
647. "we were out of the village
in a mere couple of hours.'Copy !req
648. Hang on - whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.Copy !req
649. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
650. Oh, God...Copy !req
651. Go slowly. OK?Copy !req
652. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
653. Keep going, hang on...Copy !req
654. Are we going to spend the whole day
tiptoeing under telephone wires?Copy !req
655. No, because you'll break down
eventually.Copy !req
656. OK, there's going to be
a motorcyclist coming past you.Copy !req
657. Check out his helmet.Copy !req
658. That's quite a strong statement.Copy !req
659. 'After a quick map check,Copy !req
660. 'I decided we should take
a tempting-looking short cut.'Copy !req
661. Right, follow me.Copy !req
662. 'Which went well.'Copy !req
663. Oh, dear God...Copy !req
664. Any other adventures
lined up on your short cut, Jeremy?Copy !req
665. Landslides, or avalanche...?Copy !req
666. It's just a tropical mountain
shower. Gone in a jiffy.Copy !req
667. Or maybe not.Copy !req
668. No, this looks pretty terrible.Copy !req
669. 'Eventually, my scenic route
brought us to a remote settlement -Copy !req
670. 'that was very much... off the grid.'Copy !req
671. Good thing is in this little town
there'll be no low wires.Copy !req
672. 'Instead,
there was something worse.'Copy !req
673. Oh, no!Copy !req
674. Oh, no. Oh, this is bad.Copy !req
675. I'm stuck, I'm stuck.Copy !req
676. Hang on, I'll park up
and come back on foot. Stand by.Copy !req
677. 'Bored with Hammond's
chimney-related problems,Copy !req
678. 'I went on an explore.Copy !req
679. 'And found some locals playing
something that was nearly football.'Copy !req
680. This is a brilliant idea.
They're using a monk as a referee.Copy !req
681. And he's smoking.Copy !req
682. 'Back at the bridge, the villagers
had broken out their tool box.'Copy !req
683. Really? If you're sure.Copy !req
684. OK.Copy !req
685. Move the entire sign.Copy !req
686. I wouldn't be this helpful.
We know that.Copy !req
687. 'Meanwhile, I'd stumbled on a scene
from an Indiana Jones movie.'Copy !req
688. There's thousands of them!Copy !req
689. That's "Hurry up. It's heavy."
Oh, right. OK...Copy !req
690. How we doing? James, I can't see.Copy !req
691. Yeah...?Copy !req
692. OK! Yes. You through?Copy !req
693. Yay!Copy !req
694. 'With the town behind us,
progress was good.Copy !req
695. 'And then... it wasn't.'Copy !req
696. My fuel gauge is...
just on the top of the red.Copy !req
697. Um... I don't have one.Copy !req
698. What I do have is the same engine
as youCopy !req
699. but a much heavier truck,
so I must have used more.Copy !req
700. 'And out here on my short cut,Copy !req
701. 'there were no filling stations
at all.'Copy !req
702. The needle is nowCopy !req
703. nearly all in the red.Copy !req
704. Trying to use the tiniest
throttle movements,Copy !req
705. just to keep it ticking along.Copy !req
706. 'In the next village,
James and I decided to pull overCopy !req
707. 'and dip our tanks.'Copy !req
708. I've got no fuel. None?Copy !req
709. A smear on the end of the stick.Copy !req
710. What's the news?Copy !req
711. None. I mean, it's dry,
I don't know what I'm running on.Copy !req
712. If you actually run a diesel outCopy !req
713. you've got to bleed the system,
haven't you? And it's hours. Yeah.Copy !req
714. Well, look, why don't you just go
and snout around the village
and see if you can find some?Copy !req
715. Why me?
You're the youngest and fittest.Copy !req
716. Well, it's your fault we're in
this situation. But I'm old and hot.Copy !req
717. It's your short cut. Seriously. If
anybody's got to go, it's you, mate.Copy !req
718. Right, right, I'll go.Copy !req
719. Fuel. Diesel.
And as much as you can. Yes.Copy !req
720. What is Burmese for "diesel"?Copy !req
721. How do you mime "diesel"?
Mime a lorry.Copy !req
722. Brrr... And then do that.Copy !req
723. Right, so I'm a butler with
Parkinson's, and I've got a gun.Copy !req
724. 'Jeremy headed off.Copy !req
725. 'And was gone for quite some time.'Copy !req
726. Still quite hot, that.Copy !req
727. Done the oil. Have you? Are you
reading Bridge On The River Kwai?Copy !req
728. Yeah, he's just gone into the hut...
Bad news. What? Bad news. What?Copy !req
729. I haven't been able to get
any diesel.Copy !req
730. 'However - I had come up
with a clever alternative.'Copy !req
731. No, you halfwit.Copy !req
732. There's no diesel in this village.Copy !req
733. But there is diesel
in the next village.Copy !req
734. So we use the horses
to ride to the next village,Copy !req
735. get the diesel, bring it back
to the trucks.Copy !req
736. We're not in a Western.
I can't ride a horse. What?Copy !req
737. Well, I might have been pony
trekking when I was eight, but...
Well, it'll be in there, won't it?Copy !req
738. Well, I wouldn't use that one there.
Holy moly!Copy !req
739. Why do they have five legs in Burma?
Maybe so it can milk itself?Copy !req
740. Shall we spend all day looking
at a horse's willy, or shall we go?Copy !req
741. Oh, it's gone wrong...Copy !req
742. 'Being the most experienced horseman,Copy !req
743. 'I took the frisky
five-legged stallion.'Copy !req
744. We're on.Copy !req
745. Oh, Christ almighty!Copy !req
746. Hello, horse.Copy !req
747. I shall call you Tesco.Copy !req
748. Ready, steady, go.Copy !req
749. Well, I've bought a stalled horse.
It's going backwards.Copy !req
750. I've bought a reversing horse.Copy !req
751. I think if we get moving,
yours might follow more readily.Copy !req
752. James, can you turn right
and go up there? Turn around.Copy !req
753. How do you make it turn around?
Anybody know how to start a Burmese horse?Copy !req
754. Go on, follow your mate.
Yes. Very good.Copy !req
755. The controls are reversed... I'm off!Copy !req
756. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
757. Yeah!Copy !req
758. 'Soon, James was getting a taste 'of
what the ride was like in my sports lorry.'Copy !req
759. My nadgers are getting a pummelling.Copy !req
760. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...Copy !req
761. Look at the anal action
going on here.Copy !req
762. My horse is going up
your one's bottom.Copy !req
763. Oh, Christ, we've had an accident.
You go ahead.Copy !req
764. I'm terrified!Copy !req
765. My nads are killing me!Copy !req
766. Oh, stop that, please don't fight!Copy !req
767. Walk on. I'll stop calling you Tesco
if you promise not to fight.Copy !req
768. Go!Copy !req
769. Walk. There you go.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...Copy !req
770. Oh, God above!
Not much further now, James.Copy !req
771. Jesus! I mean - Buddha!Copy !req
772. 'A few hundred yards further on,Copy !req
773. 'Richard's stallion decided to get
amorous with James's mare.'Copy !req
774. Ooh! BLEEP...Copy !req
775. Oh! BLEEP...Copy !req
776. Has he gone?Copy !req
777. What happened? It reared
and mounted that. Don't get kicked.Copy !req
778. 'Things quickly went to pot.'Copy !req
779. This is the doctor,
going to attend to RichardCopy !req
780. but the van is stuck.Copy !req
781. I've just dismounted
my reversing horse,Copy !req
782. and actually genuinely
have hurt my testes.Copy !req
783. Oh! I can see why
they should be glue, these things.Copy !req
784. 'Richard was diagnosed
with a suspected broken wristCopy !req
785. 'and went on a four-hour journey
to the nearest hospital.Copy !req
786. 'So I walked my horse
to the next village to get fuel,Copy !req
787. 'and then, we found a spot
to camp for the night.'Copy !req
788. 'Here, while I enjoyed the view,Copy !req
789. 'James unveiled
his sleeping accommodation.Copy !req
790. 'A mountaineering tent
he could suspend from his crane.'Copy !req
791. So I'm going to rest it
against the front of the cab.Copy !req
792. Cos all these bitey ants, they don't
get in your tent and eat you.Copy !req
793. 'It may have been insect-proof...Copy !req
794. '.. but soundproof? No.'Copy !req
795. I want to go to bed.Copy !req
796. But I can't, with that racket
going on. Listen to it.Copy !req
797. 'The next morning
I discovered that Hammond was back.'Copy !req
798. So that's just a sprain?Copy !req
799. Yep. Not bust. Nothing exciting.Copy !req
800. So what is it you have to do,
basically steering...?Copy !req
801. Yeah, be all right.
You just have to...Copy !req
802. Yeah. Still do that. Right.Copy !req
803. And how was sleeping in your lorry?Copy !req
804. Um, not bad. What about yours?
Fine.Copy !req
805. Where did James sleep in the end,
what's he done?Copy !req
806. Oh, he's got some stupid high-tech
mountaineering tent on his crane.Copy !req
807. Why is it up there?Copy !req
808. Well... You know his snoring?Copy !req
809. Yeah...Copy !req
810. Quite loud. So I moved him
a bit further away.Copy !req
811. Jesus...Copy !req
812. Clarkson!Copy !req
813. What? Funny.Copy !req
814. Very funny. Yes.
I don't like heights,Copy !req
815. I don't like camping...
I don't like snoring.Copy !req
816. Anyway, shall we get on?Copy !req
817. 'After Pinky and Perky
had winched me down,Copy !req
818. 'we set off on our seventh day
of long-distance lorry driving.'Copy !req
819. I'm still staggered that
they put diesel in my truck.Copy !req
820. I mean, that's a generous gesture.
Assuming it IS diesel.Copy !req
821. Oh, no.Copy !req
822. Hammond... What's happened?
I've lost my other stack.Copy !req
823. Well, as you know, we're not the
US Marines, we leave a man behind.Copy !req
824. Yeah, too hot.Copy !req
825. Er, right...Copy !req
826. It's covered in ants...
Oh, it's an ants' nest!Copy !req
827. That's a mistake. Ow!Copy !req
828. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
829. 'This, then, looked like
it was going to beCopy !req
830. 'another day of calamities
and mishaps.Copy !req
831. 'But actually, here,
in this part of Burma,Copy !req
832. 'we had to get properly serious.'Copy !req
833. Today is a big day for us,
because we are headed for the Shan.Copy !req
834. Top Gear's been to a lot of
remote places over the yearsCopy !req
835. but we've never been anywhere
quite like this.Copy !req
836. The Shan is to Burma
what Scotland is to Britain,Copy !req
837. it's a part of it,
and yet it's separate.Copy !req
838. We know there's been
a civil war in there,Copy !req
839. we understand there's
a cease-fire at the moment...Copy !req
840. Only a handful of Westerners
have ever been there,Copy !req
841. and certainly, no TV show
has ever been allowed in.Copy !req
842. We are the first... ever.Copy !req
843. All of the people who've been
fighting are coming together tonightCopy !req
844. to welcome us
here to the Shan State.Copy !req
845. Who's got any whisky? Got any Scotch?Copy !req
846. BLEEP second gear failed
and now the engine has BLEEP.Copy !req
847. Hammond, you idiot! You've reversed
into the sports lorry!Copy !req
848. "Work on the bridge starts at 0500"?
What?Copy !req
849. Get in! Get in.Copy !req