1. Two swans move their heads about...Copy !req
2. I eat a shoe...Copy !req
3. and James says he's not fat.Copy !req
4. I'm not fat.Copy !req
5. Welcome, everybody.Copy !req
6. Hello, good evening.Copy !req
7. Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
8. Now...Copy !req
9. Thank you. Now, our deep
and profound love on this showCopy !req
10. for Alfa Romeo is a
triumph of hope over reality.Copy !req
11. We always pray that their new
models will be brilliantCopy !req
12. but sort of know they won't be
and then they never are.Copy !req
13. But what about this?Copy !req
14. The new and very pretty 4C.Copy !req
15. Well, Richard Hammond has been to
Northern Italy, in the sunshine,Copy !req
16. to find out all about it.Copy !req
17. Jammy little bu...Copy !req
18. Right, let's get this straight -Copy !req
19. I'm in a mid-engined,
two-seater Alfa Romeo.Copy !req
20. The first proper Alfa sports
car for 20 years.Copy !req
21. And I'm driving it in Northern Italy,
on a lovely day.Copy !req
22. In theory,
things don't get much better.Copy !req
23. But, predictably,
there are one or two problems.Copy !req
24. First of all,
it's going to cost around £45,000.Copy !req
25. And that's a fair bit, especially
as you don't get a V8, or even V6.Copy !req
26. What you do get is a turbo-charged,
reworked version of the 1.7 litre,Copy !req
27. four-cylinder engine from a
Giulietta hatchback.Copy !req
28. And under here...Copy !req
29. Well, I don't know what's under here
cos the bonnet is bolted shut.Copy !req
30. It's bolted shut for the same reason
this car has no power steering,Copy !req
31. and no proper climate control -Copy !req
32. to save weight.Copy !req
33. That's why it has the same sort ofCopy !req
34. carbon-fibre chassis as a
Formula 1 car.Copy !req
35. It's why there's almost no
metal in the body at all.Copy !req
36. The upshot is,
the 4C weighs just 925kg.Copy !req
37. That's about half what
a Mercedes SLK weighs.Copy !req
38. And on a road like this,
that really pays dividends.Copy !req
39. Oh, come on!Copy !req
40. Lovely.Copy !req
41. Because it's light,
it's unbelievably agile.Copy !req
42. It changes direction like a kitten
chasing a spider.Copy !req
43. And because there's no power
steering, I can feelCopy !req
44. far more at the steering wheel and
know what the wheels are doing.Copy !req
45. It grips...Copy !req
46. fabulously.Copy !req
47. It doesn't need a massive engine -Copy !req
48. it's got 237 brake horsepower.
Do you know what? That is enough.Copy !req
49. More than enough.Copy !req
50. 0 to 60 takes four-and-a-half
seconds.Copy !req
51. The top speed is 160.Copy !req
52. And yet, because of the lightness,
it'll do 40 miles to the gallon.Copy !req
53. Drop a window, sample the noise.Copy !req
54. Oh! Lovely little
crackle on the up-shift.Copy !req
55. Oh, it's great.Copy !req
56. This little Alfa is growing on me
with a speedCopy !req
57. and ferocity that I've
never before encountered.Copy !req
58. It's just getting under my skin.Copy !req
59. Because it's not like anything
else...Copy !req
60. Oh, my God!Copy !req
61. What?Copy !req
62. What are you doing here?Copy !req
63. As you well know, Hammond,
we receive thousands of lettersCopy !req
64. every single week from viewers
and they all say the same thing.Copy !req
65. "Dear Top so-called Gear,
the Alfa 4C,Copy !req
66. "is it better than quad bike?"Copy !req
67. Well, I can clear than one up
straight away - yes, it is becauseCopy !req
68. quad bikes are slow, ugly, noisy,
stupid and incredibly dangerous.Copy !req
69. And I don't mean dangerous like you
might fall off,Copy !req
70. I mean like they want to kill you.Copy !req
71. Everybody I know, pretty much,
who's ever tried one, has beenCopy !req
72. killed by it at some point.Copy !req
73. Yup. That's as maybe,
but we need to settle this,Copy !req
74. so we're going to have a race.
We're going to race? Yeah.Copy !req
75. You on that, presumably? Yeah.Copy !req
76. Me in that? Yeah.Copy !req
77. Jeremy's proposal was a race
from the top of Lake ComoCopy !req
78. to a hotel terrace at the bottom.Copy !req
79. I would take
the 43-mile lakeside route,Copy !req
80. whilst he would attempt to
go as the crow flies.Copy !req
81. Good, you're going
to be killed and last.Copy !req
82. And so, at exactly 10.37am,
the race began.Copy !req
83. Here we go.Copy !req
84. Let me talk you through my quad.Copy !req
85. It's called a Gibbs Quadski,Copy !req
86. designed and engineered in Britain,
built just outside DetroitCopy !req
87. and the engine is German -
a 1.3 from a BMW motorcycle.Copy !req
88. And you have 40 horsepower.Copy !req
89. Doesn't sound like much
but like the Alfa, it's light.Copy !req
90. Apparently it has the same
power-to-weight ratioCopy !req
91. as a helicopter.Copy !req
92. He's mad. I mean,
he doesn't stand a chance.Copy !req
93. I know what he's thinking -Copy !req
94. he's imagining he'll be crashing
off-road and cutting corners.Copy !req
95. He won't - he'll be bumbling through
the woods on little tracks,Copy !req
96. he'll get stuck, fall off,
break a leg - maybe two.Copy !req
97. Hammond was wrong.
My legs were fine,Copy !req
98. but I had got into a bit of a pickle
trying to find a shortcut.Copy !req
99. Totally lost.Copy !req
100. Literally no idea which...Copy !req
101. No idea.Copy !req
102. I'm just in weeds...Copy !req
103. Oh, now which way?Copy !req
104. With Jeremy stuck in the undergrowth,Copy !req
105. I had time to admire one of the most
beautiful places on Earth.Copy !req
106. Ah! Mountains, pretty village -
all present and correct.Copy !req
107. Coming through.Copy !req
108. See, this scooter rider will not mind
me whizzing past in my Alfa Romeo,Copy !req
109. because I know he loves Alfa Romeo
just as much, if not more, than I do.Copy !req
110. We have to love Alfa, it's the law.Copy !req
111. Meanwhile...Copy !req
112. Oh. God. No, wait.Copy !req
113. Many nettles.Copy !req
114. This may have a top speed of 40Copy !req
115. but I'm not doing that now, really.Copy !req
116. Happily, however,Copy !req
117. Hammond was about to discover one
of the Alfa's drawbacks - its girth.Copy !req
118. Oh, no! Oh, my God, this is narrow!Copy !req
119. Oh! That's...Copy !req
120. This car is wide.Copy !req
121. That's a problem.Copy !req
122. So what were they thinking
when they've got streets like this?Copy !req
123. I mean... Oh!Copy !req
124. Still, could be worse.Copy !req
125. Oh, no! Now look what I've done.Copy !req
126. I've accidentally
crashed into Lake Como.Copy !req
127. But it's OK, because
if I push this little button here...Copy !req
128. the wheels have folded up
and now I'm on a jet ski.Copy !req
129. Oh, and it gets better because,
on land, it has 40 horsepower,Copy !req
130. but here on water it has 140.Copy !req
131. I know exactly what music
we have to play right now.Copy !req
132. No, not that!Copy !req
133. Cue the Bond!Copy !req
134. Here we go - 45 miles an hour!Copy !req
135. Hammond, wherever you are,
you can't beat this.Copy !req
136. Narrow. Really narrow.
Really wide car.Copy !req
137. I'd like to be driving something
narrower now, like a bus.Copy !req
138. Right, clear of town, press on.Copy !req
139. So let's just get this straight -Copy !req
140. I'm wearing a wet white shirt
and I'm in a lake - I'm Mr Darcy!Copy !req
141. Come on!Copy !req
142. There is Richard Hammond.Copy !req
143. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
144. I'll slow down a bit.Copy !req
145. 'Hello? Hello?'Copy !req
146. Er, hello. Where are you?Copy !req
147. 'To your left, mate, to your left.'Copy !req
148. You can't be to my left.
How can you be to my left?Copy !req
149. What?Copy !req
150. 'Have you ever seen anything
like this?'Copy !req
151. What are you on?
Is that the same quad?Copy !req
152. It certainly is.Copy !req
153. And I'm afraid
I must now say goodbye.Copy !req
154. 'Cheerio. See you soon.'Copy !req
155. Cheating sod!Copy !req
156. He can just go
straight across the lake now.Copy !req
157. I've got to go all the way
down the bottom hereCopy !req
158. and back up the other side.Copy !req
159. I'm going to lose this and he's going
to do his stupid smug face.Copy !req
160. Spurred on by the horror
of his face...Copy !req
161. I put the hammer down.Copy !req
162. Come on, little Alfa.Copy !req
163. We were neck and neck,Copy !req
164. but then Jeremy got
distracted by an Italian ferry.Copy !req
165. Look at that!Copy !req
166. What a machine.Copy !req
167. I'm sorry I'm hearing the Bond
music again now.Copy !req
168. You want a race?Copy !req
169. I'll give you a race.Copy !req
170. Oh, come on, I can't lose this!Copy !req
171. By this stage, I'd disentangled
myself from the hydrofoil,Copy !req
172. but had run into another problem -
Lake Como's weird winds.Copy !req
173. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!Copy !req
174. I think we've got some chop.Copy !req
175. WOW!Copy !req
176. I've lost ten miles...Copy !req
177. Aw!Copy !req
178. Ow, my back bottom!Copy !req
179. Wow! Wow!Copy !req
180. They slow you down a bit.Copy !req
181. Oh, my...Copy !req
182. That was a big one.Copy !req
183. I'm now down to 15 miles an hour,
and I can't realistically goCopy !req
184. any faster, cos
I can't see where I'm bloody going.Copy !req
185. The vicious chop had put Hammond
back in the lead.Copy !req
186. We have to beat him.Copy !req
187. Thankfully, on the lake,
I'd found calmer water.Copy !req
188. 45 miles an hour.Copy !req
189. We are back in this race.Copy !req
190. There he is.
There is Richard Hammond.Copy !req
191. Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!Copy !req
192. Goodbye, Hammond.Copy !req
193. He is history.Copy !req
194. It certainly seemed that way,Copy !req
195. because pretty soon
the hotel was in sight.Copy !req
196. There it is, there's
the finishing line.Copy !req
197. So, I was definitely going
to win this.Copy !req
198. But then I realised
the victory would be a bit hollow.Copy !req
199. Obviously, I want to beat Hammond,
of course I do.Copy !req
200. But I don't want to beat that
Alfa Romeo, because, to me,Copy !req
201. Alfas are special.Copy !req
202. They're really special.Copy !req
203. This is a bit like having a running
race with your four-year-old son -Copy !req
204. yes, of course you can win, but you
don't really want to.Copy !req
205. It's not far now.Copy !req
206. Little Alfa, I think
we have to accept the inevitable.Copy !req
207. He's not there, is he?Copy !req
208. In a few minutes,
Hammond would arriveCopy !req
209. and see my Quadski moored
alongside the hotel's jetty.Copy !req
210. Damn and blast, I'm going
to win this.Copy !req
211. Nothing I can do.Copy !req
212. But then...Copy !req
213. I spotted a hidey-hole.Copy !req
214. Yes!Copy !req
215. Sometimes I stagger even
myself with my genius.Copy !req
216. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
217. Right, where is he?Copy !req
218. This is the terrace.Copy !req
219. Up here maybe.Copy !req
220. Do you know what?Copy !req
221. He no here. I don't know how.
What I've done is win...Copy !req
222. in that little Alfa.
Hammond! Mate. Well done.Copy !req
223. You beat me fair and square. I did.Copy !req
224. In the Alfa. Do you know? I would
have bet £1 million...Copy !req
225. when I overtook you,
I was going to win.Copy !req
226. Your question is answered.Copy !req
227. The Alfa 4C is better
than the quad bike.Copy !req
228. Yes, but we saw you lose on purpose.
A bit, just a bit.Copy !req
229. Did you not like the jet ski,
Quadski thing?Copy !req
230. Yes, it's brilliant.Copy !req
231. Do you know, the best
thing about it is its reliability.Copy !req
232. It performed faultlessly all dayCopy !req
233. and then it performed
faultlessly all the next dayCopy !req
234. when we had to rerun the race
because an AmericanCopy !req
235. knocked the camera with all the film
it into the lake. Really?Copy !req
236. I was on this thing for two days,
two days.Copy !req
237. By the time we finished, my sausage
looked like a beaver's tail.Copy !req
238. Right, um, is it expensive?
What, my sausage? No, the thing.Copy !req
239. Oh, the thing, yes,
it's £26,000, but, no, hang on,Copy !req
240. you do get a lot of health and
safety warning notices for that.Copy !req
241. This is my favourite down here.Copy !req
242. It's warning about what you have
to wear and it says, hang on,Copy !req
243. "Normal swimwear does not adequately
protect against forcefulCopy !req
244. "water entry into rectum or vagina."Copy !req
245. He's not making that up.
It says vagina on it.Copy !req
246. Excuse me, does anyone mind
if we talk about the car for a bit?Copy !req
247. It's a car show and everything.Copy !req
248. Good, cos I've got some questions
about this. How wide is it?Copy !req
249. It's wider than a Range Rover. Is it?
Seriously? Very wide.Copy !req
250. And let me get this straight,Copy !req
251. Alfa Romeo is selling a car
where you can't open the bonnet?Copy !req
252. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
253. Ballsy. Yeah. Ballsy. It is, yes,Copy !req
254. but that's not the interesting thing
about it.Copy !req
255. What is the interesting thing?Copy !req
256. Well, it costs £47,000,
but when you get in it,Copy !req
257. everything feels just feels a bit
cheap and plasticky.Copy !req
258. Look at this handbrake, it's just...Copy !req
259. It's like something that came
out of a cracker.Copy !req
260. You know, if I got the handbrake in
a Christmas cracker,Copy !req
261. I'd be a bit disappointed. You know
what I mean. Yes, I do.Copy !req
262. It's just that there are a lot
of EU rules coming very soonCopy !req
263. on fuel efficiency and emissions
and so on,Copy !req
264. and the only way that cars
can meet themCopy !req
265. is if they get very, very light.Copy !req
266. Yeah. And pretty soon, all cars
will have to be made like this,Copy !req
267. but do you know what? I don't think
that's necessarily a bad thing.Copy !req
268. Yes, you get a shonky handbrake,
but your car is more nimble.Copy !req
269. It's faster and it's more economical.Copy !req
270. And for the ultimate expression
of that art, later in the show,Copy !req
271. we have a review of this - the new
McLaren P1, which is astonishing.Copy !req
272. Well, I am very much looking forward
to that, but first it's the news.Copy !req
273. Yes. Now Kia is working on something
called "gesture control".Copy !req
274. It's very interesting,
because of instead of havingCopy !req
275. buttons all over
the dashboard of your car, you justCopy !req
276. sort of wave your hand around a bit,
and the car will do stuff.Copy !req
277. Very futuristic.Copy !req
278. Yeah, but I only make three
gestures when I'm driving a car.Copy !req
279. What? One of them is...Copy !req
280. which means I'm really sorry,
I didn't mean to do that.Copy !req
281. Then there's... hi, to a friend.
And... Call Jeremy Clarkson.Copy !req
282. Or navigate to James May's house.Copy !req
283. Oh, now, now... you know
those motorway gantriesCopy !req
284. that are supposed to be used
to tell youCopy !req
285. about stationary traffic ahead
or ice, but they're actually usedCopy !req
286. for telling you stuff
that doesn't matter.Copy !req
287. We've got a picture of one here -
"Check your fuel level."Copy !req
288. It might as well say, "Wash your
hands after going to the lavatory."Copy !req
289. "Brush your hair."Copy !req
290. Well, anyway, the committee that
decides on what messages flashed up -Copy !req
291. and it is a committee, we checked -
has been told to stop doingCopy !req
292. that sort of thing, OK, because the
government says it's distracting.Copy !req
293. But it isn't distracting,
it's irritating.Copy !req
294. Scarlett Johansson in a short skirt
on a windy day on a motorway bridge,Copy !req
295. that is distracting.
That would be. It's distracting now.Copy !req
296. It's distracting me right now.Copy !req
297. I think what would be distracting
would be paintingCopy !req
298. the surface of the motorway so it
looked like the opening sequencesCopy !req
299. of Doctor Who
as you drove along.Copy !req
300. That would be really distracting.Copy !req
301. I think they should use those signs
to put up a pub quiz questionsCopy !req
302. as you drive past.
That's a really good idea.Copy !req
303. What, and then you'd have
the answer on the next one along?Copy !req
304. Yes, journeys would just fly by.
"ooh, I don't know."Copy !req
305. And then you get the answer.
That's brilliant. Yes, thank you.Copy !req
306. Not if my little sister
set the questions.Copy !req
307. Why? Because you'd get
the question on one,Copy !req
308. and then the next one would go,
"Oh, come on, you must know that!"Copy !req
309. Please can we move on?
I'd like to talk about this.Copy !req
310. It's the new Corvette Z06. Oh, yes.Copy !req
311. Supercharged V86.2 litres
625 brake horsepower.Copy !req
312. It's got a magnetic ride control,
electronic diff, carbon fibre.Copy !req
313. All the hi-tech stuff
you get on a European sports car...Copy !req
314. But does it have the European
self-restraint, though, does it?Copy !req
315. It's a bit more shock 'em all
than stiff upper lip.Copy !req
316. Yes, but look at it.Copy !req
317. No, Hammond, you can't drive
a Corvette in England.Copy !req
318. It's like talking in a lift -
you can do that in America,Copy !req
319. you can't do that in Britain.Copy !req
320. In fact, we should have signs at
Heathrow telling American visitors,Copy !req
321. "Please drive on the left
and don't talk in lifts."Copy !req
322. Yes, yes, whatever,
but I think that looks stupendous.Copy !req
323. Yes, yes, it would
look stupendous in Texas,Copy !req
324. but it would look ridiculous
in Tewkesbury. It would.Copy !req
325. Hammond, if you bought one of those
and drove it around England,Copy !req
326. the next thing you would be
hanging up a Confederate flagCopy !req
327. outside your house.Copy !req
328. I did paint a Confederate flag
on the roof of my Toyota CorollaCopy !req
329. when I was 17.Copy !req
330. Where were you?
Ripon. North Yorkshire.Copy !req
331. What? It looked brilliant.
Let me just get this straight.Copy !req
332. You drove around North Yorkshire in
a crappy little Japanese hatchbackCopy !req
333. with a Confederate flag
on the roof?Copy !req
334. Yes. Yes. A symbol of slavery.Copy !req
335. Ladies and gentlemen,
12 Years A Hammond!Copy !req
336. I didn't realise -
I just thought it looked nice.Copy !req
337. The base model of this -
not the Z06,Copy !req
338. the normal one - 60 grand? 62, yes.Copy !req
339. Well, for about the same sort
of money, you can have this,Copy !req
340. which is the new jag.Copy !req
341. This is the F-type Coupe.Copy !req
342. That's around the same sort of
money, and I put it to you thatCopy !req
343. what we have here is a lovely pieceCopy !req
344. of double Gloucester
on a water biscuit.Copy !req
345. Your Corvette is 600 kilos of...Copy !req
346. .. Monterrey Jack on a taco.Copy !req
347. Yeah, that's right.
I'd rather have that.Copy !req
348. You'd rather have the Monterey Jack,
wouldn't you?Copy !req
349. Yes. Hang on a minute.
Surely it's 600 kilograms of...Copy !req
350. Monterey Jack
on a taco with a strawberry on top.Copy !req
351. Strawberry.Copy !req
352. At as long as
there's a strawberry on top.Copy !req
353. Are there any Americans here? Whoo!Copy !req
354. You are. Oh, we've wondered
about this for years.Copy !req
355. Why do you put these on everything?Copy !req
356. Because they taste good.
Yes, but not on a shepherd's pie.Copy !req
357. This is not an exaggeration.
I stayed in a hotel in LA.Copy !req
358. I had to have some dry cleaning
done, and when it came backCopy !req
359. in the morning, it was all wrapped up,
and there was a strawberry on it.Copy !req
360. What, on your dry-cleaning?
On my dry-cleaning.Copy !req
361. Now, this isn't news -
it's a question.Copy !req
362. Why is the world still
incapable of working outCopy !req
363. a way of dispensing petrol?
Anyone been to America?Copy !req
364. Well, you've all been to America,
I suppose, at some point.Copy !req
365. You go into a petrol station thereCopy !req
366. and you have to pay for the fuel
before you fill your tank.Copy !req
367. Well, you don't
know how much you wantCopy !req
368. or how much it's going to take.Copy !req
369. Yes, but I hate those European
stationsCopy !req
370. where they have those automatic
credit card ones. Don't work.Copy !req
371. Never ever work. The other one
that doesn't work,Copy !req
372. and especially in France,
are those onesCopy !req
373. where you're supposed to put
euro notes in a little slot.Copy !req
374. No. You put it in and it goes,
"Nnnngh! Nnnngh!" Oh.Copy !req
375. There's a lot of people doing
that, and it goes, "Nnnngh!"Copy !req
376. I'll give you the worst scenario,
James.Copy !req
377. Worst scenario is, "Nnnngh!"Copy !req
378. "Yes, there we go," get the pump
out, "Nnnngh!"Copy !req
379. But the worst country in the world for
filling up with petrol is Britain,Copy !req
380. because petrol stations here
now are also supermarkets,Copy !req
381. which means that people pull up
at the pumpCopy !req
382. and then go and do their shopping.Copy !req
383. Well, that is
exactly why I was late this morning,Copy !req
384. cos I pulled up behind
the car that was at the pumpCopy !req
385. ready for my turn and I knew
who it was through the window -Copy !req
386. it was a woman and she was doing
the whole weekly groceries shop -Copy !req
387. and she came out with the
four massive carrier bags,Copy !req
388. and I thought, "That's finally it,"Copy !req
389. and then she went to
the cash machine... Oh...Copy !req
390. sorted out Greece's
national debt with her card.Copy !req
391. I am a patient man, but even I...
I was thinking,Copy !req
392. "I want to put your head in a brown
paper bag and bludgeon you to deathCopy !req
393. "with the blunt end of an axe."Copy !req
394. That's quite bad. Do you know?
My question is petrol stations is -Copy !req
395. and we could ask this here -
and it's mostly women,Copy !req
396. what do you do in the 15 minutes
between getting into the carCopy !req
397. and driving off?Copy !req
398. I know what it is, I know
what it is. What? I watched it.Copy !req
399. She turned round and she put her
handbag on the back seat,Copy !req
400. fair enough, but then interfered
with it for some time.Copy !req
401. Doing what, though?Copy !req
402. I suspect women try to make sure
their handbag doesn't fall over,Copy !req
403. which I don't understand, because women's
handbags are not well organised,Copy !req
404. so it doesn't matter
if it falls over.Copy !req
405. I reckon I could put a house brick
in a woman's handbag,Copy !req
406. and she would not know it was there
ever. Have you got handbag with you?Copy !req
407. No. You haven't?
Anyone got handbag? It's in the car.Copy !req
408. That's a shame,
because I was going to do this game.Copy !req
409. I was going to put my car keys,Copy !req
410. and it's a jag this week,
in your handbag and then,Copy !req
411. if you could find them by the end
of the show, you could have the car.Copy !req
412. You wouldn't be able to.Copy !req
413. Two angry old men
rampaging on about petrol stations.Copy !req
414. Him and his cardigan, him...
just him.Copy !req
415. Now, as I'm sure you know,
after 13 years,Copy !req
416. the British military forces
are pulling out of Afghanistan.Copy !req
417. What you may not know is that that
operation has been the biggest deploymentCopy !req
418. of British military vehicles
since World War ll.Copy !req
419. Now, bringing that lot home
is quite a big job,Copy !req
420. so I packed my tin helmet and
went out there to... get in the way.Copy !req
421. 'If you want to get a sense of just
how big the British involvementCopy !req
422. 'in Afghanistan has become,Copy !req
423. 'you just have to look at the size
of its main base - Camp Bastion.'Copy !req
424. In 2006,
when British forces arrived here,Copy !req
425. it was just a scrap of desert
with a few tents in, but now look.Copy !req
426. It's the size of Reading.Copy !req
427. 'And inside its 25 miles
of blast-proof perimeter wallCopy !req
428. 'alongside the few comforts of home,Copy !req
429. 'you'll find a vast armada
of vehicles.Copy !req
430. 'At its peak, the number was 5,000.'Copy !req
431. We've got a few of them here.Copy !req
432. The names will be dimly familiar
from news reports.Copy !req
433. That is a Ridgeback,
that is a Mastiff,Copy !req
434. then you have a Foxhound,
the pale-coloured one is a Husky,Copy !req
435. and that weird-looking thing with the
tracks on over there, that is a Warthog.Copy !req
436. Don't expect cute and cuddly
names like Panda or Fiesta -Copy !req
437. everything here is named
after a dog, except the Warthog,Copy !req
438. which is named after a warthog.Copy !req
439. 'To keep the wheels turning, the Army
has built this enormous workshop,Copy !req
440. 'which, at full strength,
carries £60 million worthCopy !req
441. 'of spares and employs
150 mechanics.Copy !req
442. 'Bastion even has its own
purpose-builtCopy !req
443. 'driver training ground, approved
by a squad of driving instructors.'Copy !req
444. The sheer size of this operation
is truly impressive,Copy !req
445. but equally fascinating is what
the Afghanistan campaign has doneCopy !req
446. to Britain's military vehicles.Copy !req
447. 'It has brought about the biggest
change in a generation.Copy !req
448. 'When the British first arrived
here, their staple patrol vehicle,Copy !req
449. 'the Snatch Land Rover, offered
woeful protection against IEDs.Copy !req
450. 'In 2009 alone, 79 soldiers
fell victim to such devices.'Copy !req
451. 'The 29-tonne American-made Mastiff
offered a quick fix,Copy !req
452. 'but in Leamington Spa,Copy !req
453. 'a small British firm devised
a more 21st-century solution.'Copy !req
454. This is a Foxhound
and it's very clever,Copy !req
455. because it's actually
made out of armour.Copy !req
456. It's not a normal vehicle to which
armour plate has been added.Copy !req
457. It's sort of armour monoblock,
if you like.Copy !req
458. 'The Foxhound also has a V-shaped
hull to deflect mine blastsCopy !req
459. 'and thanks to its state-of-the-art
armour, it weighsCopy !req
460. 'just seven and a half tonnes,Copy !req
461. 'which makes it a featherweight
around these parts.'Copy !req
462. To drive, is pretty much like
an off-road car.Copy !req
463. It's a positive mountain goat,
this thing.Copy !req
464. 'Now, history will record that
government bureaucratsCopy !req
465. 'dragged their heels
over the military vehicle crisisCopy !req
466. 'in Afghanistan,Copy !req
467. 'but the boffins who developed
the Foxhound certainly didn't.'Copy !req
468. This machine was designed,
engineered, tested, provedCopy !req
469. and got on the ground in large
numbers in just over three years.Copy !req
470. Try doing that with a small
hatchback or something.Copy !req
471. 'Alongside the Foxhound...Copy !req
472. '.. the military drew on a policyCopy !req
473. 'called Urgent Operational
Requirement or UOR,Copy !req
474. 'which saw them combine
operational demandsCopy !req
475. 'and the best vehicle-related suggestions
from soldiers on the ground.'Copy !req
476. Here's a very simple example
of UOR - this is a Mastiff.Copy !req
477. It's got cameras mounted
on the sides.Copy !req
478. Commander Buzz here can
look at the pictures on his screen.Copy !req
479. On the early ones,
they were originally mounted.Copy !req
480. When you went through things
like villages, they got smashed.Copy !req
481. So somebody said,
"Why not put them on a hinge?"Copy !req
482. So they did.Copy !req
483. 'Soldiers also needed their vehicles
to be more stealthy in the dark.Copy !req
484. 'So a night-vision system
was developedCopy !req
485. 'that would allow them
to switch off their headlights.'Copy !req
486. I'm now driving the Mastiff
completely blacked outCopy !req
487. but using the night-vision system
suspended in front of my face.Copy !req
488. And this is quite amazing.Copy !req
489. This is actually my eyes. I can't see a
single thing through the windscreen.Copy !req
490. 'These lamps on the outside
are infraredCopy !req
491. 'and illuminate
the surrounding area.Copy !req
492. 'Our camera can see
the light they emit,Copy !req
493. 'but it's invisible
to the naked eye.'Copy !req
494. We ought to point out that normally, we wouldn't
even have these red interior lights on.Copy !req
495. Those are there
so our cameras are working properly.Copy !req
496. But actually,
you could drive this...Copy !req
497. we could be completely black in here,
couldn't we? Yeah, complete blackout, yeah.Copy !req
498. Right, so I've missed those...Copy !req
499. what are those, are they rocks
or are they...?Copy !req
500. Yeah, they're just in front of you.Copy !req
501. Straightening up, sir.Copy !req
502. See that compound ahead of us?
Yeah.Copy !req
503. You want to be going
round to the left of that.Copy !req
504. I can see that as clear as day.Copy !req
505. It's a good piece of kit, isn't it?
It's brilliant, isn't it?Copy !req
506. 'Now, on a machine is heavily
armoured is a Mastiff,Copy !req
507. 'the protection against
roadside bombs is good.Copy !req
508. 'But Afghanistan threw up another
issue that needed sorting.'Copy !req
509. What if the vehicle is blown
over? How do you train for that?Copy !req
510. Well, what you do is
you build one of these.Copy !req
511. It's a RODET - Roll Over Drills
Egress Trainer.Copy !req
512. Oh!Copy !req
513. And I think we're upside down.Copy !req
514. 'All these improvements have had a dramatic
effect on military motoring out here.'Copy !req
515. Since the new generation
of PMVs was introduced -Copy !req
516. that's protective military
vehicles... the Mastiff,Copy !req
517. the Foxhound, the Husky,Copy !req
518. the Warthog, all those things -Copy !req
519. there have been over 1,000 survivors
of IED strikes on vehicles.Copy !req
520. And a senior British officer
admitted to me the other day that,Copy !req
521. in the old days, when we had
the soft-skinned vehicles -Copy !req
522. the Snatch Land Rover and so on -Copy !req
523. that might have been more like
three casualties per vehicle.Copy !req
524. 'With our troops now coming home,Copy !req
525. 'this stuff is too valuable
to leave behind.Copy !req
526. 'So a massive operation is under way
to bring it back to Britain.Copy !req
527. 'At forward bases like this one,
all the vehicles and sparesCopy !req
528. 'are being gathered up
for the drive back to Bastion.Copy !req
529. 'Which meant that,
in the middle of the night,Copy !req
530. 'I found myself in a convoy
of returning vehiclesCopy !req
531. 'in full Ross Kemp mode.'Copy !req
532. We're in a Mastiff.
We're in a convoy of 31 vehicles.Copy !req
533. These legs belong to Sue, who's up
the top on the gun, keeping lookout.Copy !req
534. Hello. Morning. Morning, ma'am. Ls
there room for two of us up there?Copy !req
535. We can give it a go. Right, I'll move
this way a bit. There we go. Ow.Copy !req
536. I don't think we're going to fit on.
I've pulled something off.Copy !req
537. I'm not fat.Copy !req
538. What's to stop somebody... Cos we
can't really see very much out there.Copy !req
539. What's to stop somebody out there
just taking a shot at you?Copy !req
540. Absolutely nothing at the moment.
So they're out there somewhere.Copy !req
541. They are.
There're not that far away.Copy !req
542. When was the last time a roadside bomb
went off on this bit, do you know?Copy !req
543. Very... Very recent.
Very recent? Very recent.Copy !req
544. 'Daylight found us
still in one piece,Copy !req
545. 'and back within the walls
of Bastion,Copy !req
546. 'the packing-up process could begin.Copy !req
547. 'Alongside a strip-down service,Copy !req
548. 'each vehicle gets a 24-hour-long
jet wash.Copy !req
549. 'Biological decontamination.Copy !req
550. 'And, at the very end,
its own passport.'Copy !req
551. And look at the size of it.Copy !req
552. All these pages, all these
signatures, everything signed off.Copy !req
553. Every single vehicle and piece
of equipment has one of those.Copy !req
554. And there are over
3,500 of them.Copy !req
555. So don't complain next time
you have to tax and MOT your car.Copy !req
556. 'For some poor souls,
the new machinery came too late.Copy !req
557. 'But the military has responded
to the brutality of this conflict.'Copy !req
558. 'And the vehicles we're
bringing home from AfghanistanCopy !req
559. 'are much better than the ones
we went out with.'Copy !req
560. And there it is.Copy !req
561. The big military Foxhound.Copy !req
562. Or, since the Army loves
an acronym, the big MF.Copy !req
563. Anyway, it's now time to put
an S in our RPC.Copy !req
564. Britain has produced many great
Toms over the years -Copy !req
565. Daley, Jones and, of course,
Mas the Tank Engine.Copy !req
566. But, tonight,
our Tom is the newest of them all.Copy !req
567. He's from Thor and Avengers Assemble
and War Horse.Copy !req
568. Ladies and gentlemen,
Tom Hiddleston.Copy !req
569. How are you? Very well, thank you.Copy !req
570. Look! Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
571. Have a seat. Thank you.Copy !req
572. I was half expecting you to ask
the audience to kneel before you.Copy !req
573. Not here.
I haven't got my horns with me.Copy !req
574. So let's get on to your car history
if I may. Yes, sure.Copy !req
575. Your first car, then, what was it?
It was a Peugeot 106. Mmm(!)Copy !req
576. Yeah. It was quite adventurous.
Mmm(!) 1.1. Wow(!)Copy !req
577. Really phwoar - when you floored it,
you felt it. It was a 1.1 what?Copy !req
578. They always had silly names. Zest.
Yeah, there you go.Copy !req
579. Sounds like a washing powder.
It sounds like lemon juice. It does.Copy !req
580. I bought it with my first pay
check for some TV work that I gotCopy !req
581. while I was at university. And I
kept that for ten years. Ten years?Copy !req
582. Ten whole years.
All the way through my 20s, yeah.Copy !req
583. But I presume that, obviously,Copy !req
584. now, as result of you being Loki in
the Thor franchise... Indeed, yes.Copy !req
585. there's no need now to drive
around in cars with zesty names?Copy !req
586. Well, I'm very fortunate
to drive a Jaguar.Copy !req
587. And as you probably know,Copy !req
588. I'm part of a campaign that they
have recently done. And they are...Copy !req
589. Weirdly, Jaguar's been part of my
life for the last couple of years,Copy !req
590. cos I keep playing characters
in films who drive Jaguars.Copy !req
591. What, does Loki drive a jag?Copy !req
592. I think Loki drives a spaceship.Copy !req
593. Yes, he does. Is it a jag spaceship?
It is a jag, I'm sure.Copy !req
594. Goes to the petrol station and goes,Copy !req
595. "Oh, dear, my dear, I seem
to have left my wallet at home.Copy !req
596. "This is embarrassing."
I'm sure he would approve.Copy !req
597. Caddish spaceship. Yup.Copy !req
598. No, this jag commercial, actually,
I don't know if anybody's seen it,Copy !req
599. but have a look at this.Copy !req
600. Have you ever noticed,
how, in Hollywood movies,Copy !req
601. all the villains are played
by Brits?Copy !req
602. Maybe we just sound right.Copy !req
603. Good evening, sir. Thank you, Mary.Copy !req
604. We're more focused.Copy !req
605. More precise.Copy !req
606. We're always one step ahead.Copy !req
607. With a certain style, an
eye for detail.Copy !req
608. And we're obsessed by power!Copy !req
609. A stiff upper lip is key.Copy !req
610. And we all drive Jaguars.Copy !req
611. Oh, yes. It's good to be bad.Copy !req
612. I have to say, the line I like most
in that is Mark Strong's,Copy !req
613. cos he goes,
"And we all drive Jaguars."Copy !req
614. What it should be is, "We all drive
Jaguars... now." Right!Copy !req
615. "As a result of this."
Yeah. Or, indeed, a helicopter.Copy !req
616. Was that really filmed in London?
It was all filmed in London.Copy !req
617. It was one of the most
extraordinary evenings of my life.Copy !req
618. I... We were allowed to go over
central London about 500 feet.Copy !req
619. And the door of the helicopter
was open.Copy !req
620. And Tom Hooper, who directed it,
was sitting behind the camera.Copy !req
621. And we were up, banking right,
and I was leaning out the window,Copy !req
622. and a certain point, he said, "I'm afraid
we have to cut, we have to change..."Copy !req
623. "OK, good, that's completely fine."
"Cut."Copy !req
624. Argh! It's really high!
You know what I mean?Copy !req
625. When the cameras rolling,
I was like, "I've got this -Copy !req
626. "more focused, more precise." And
as soon as it was cut, I was like...Copy !req
627. "Oh, God, the window's open!
Someone shut the door!"Copy !req
628. It is a good point, though. It's a very
good business, isn't it, that is raisedCopy !req
629. in that commercial about the
number of vets who are baddies.Copy !req
630. Rickman and then Hopkins and you...Copy !req
631. Alan Rickman, Anthony Hopkins...Copy !req
632. I guess it started with
James Mason back in the day.Copy !req
633. God, I thought
you were going to see James May!Copy !req
634. The world's longest
and most boring film.Copy !req
635. The undiscovered British villain.Copy !req
636. Yes.Copy !req
637. But what is it, do you think, that the
Brits bring to a Hollywood movie?Copy !req
638. I genuinely think
it's because Americans thinkCopy !req
639. we're inherently distrustful.Copy !req
640. They think, "Oh, my God,
your accent! You're so sneaky!"Copy !req
641. Or something.
It's illusion, of course.Copy !req
642. They like seeing us fail, I think
that's what it is. That's it.Copy !req
643. Cos you have to fail if you're the
baddie. That's probably what it is.Copy !req
644. Now, your career began, I believe,
at Slough Comprehensive.Copy !req
645. It certainly did, yup.
As the front leg of an elephant?Copy !req
646. I was the front leg of an elephant
carrying Eddie Redmayne.Copy !req
647. He was grand enough to be the passenger
of the elephant. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
648. I was the arse of a donkey once.Copy !req
649. And I ended up here as a result of that.
And then you did the obligatory...Copy !req
650. The greatest arse
of a donkey... in the world.Copy !req
651. That was very good! Sorry,
couldn't help it. No, that was...Copy !req
652. Somebody said that you were a good
mimic. Is that something...?Copy !req
653. It's something I've done.
I've done it my whole life.Copy !req
654. I remember, when I was a child, they
used to have a double tape deck,Copy !req
655. and I would record my own radio
show, with all the different voices.Copy !req
656. They were basically voices of people
I'd heard of the telly, you know.Copy !req
657. Phillip Schofield's and... Could
you still do Phillip Schofield?Copy !req
658. I don't know. I don't even know
if... Actually, don't bother.Copy !req
659. I wouldn't know what he sounded like.
Throw me another one. Anthony Hopkins.Copy !req
660. Oh, Tony Hopkins... Yeah.Copy !req
661. Have you had him on the show?
Top Gear.Copy !req
662. Yes, I'd love to be on the show. I'd
like to drive fast around a track.Copy !req
663. Being taught to drive by The Stig, great
man, great man, I'd love to do that.Copy !req
664. Let's think of some more names.Copy !req
665. Anyone got any more names
we can fire?Copy !req
666. Try to make them men,
cos that's probably easier. Yeah.Copy !req
667. What? Arnold Schwarzenegger?Copy !req
668. Arnold Schwarzenegger.
What was that?Copy !req
669. Paul O'Grady.
I think I'll go for Schwarzenegger.Copy !req
670. I'm trying to think of something
he says.Copy !req
671. I know now why you cry.Copy !req
672. That sounded a little bit like
Peter O'Toole. Sorry about that.Copy !req
673. I know now
you cry.Copy !req
674. That is quite a skill. Yeah.
And what are you doing now?Copy !req
675. Anything exciting?Copy !req
676. I'm just finishing
a run of Coriolanus in the West End,Copy !req
677. which I've enjoyed hugely.Copy !req
678. And I'm about to go to Toronto
to make a horror filmCopy !req
679. with Guillermo del Toro...
If you know him,Copy !req
680. the Mexican director
who directed Pan's Labyrinth.Copy !req
681. Who did one with Tilda Swinton as
well just recently? That's correct.Copy !req
682. There's a film called Only Lovers
Left Alive, which is coming outCopy !req
683. in the UK, I think, on the 21st of
February, and it's basically a love story.Copy !req
684. Tilda and I play a couple
who are vampires, so...Copy !req
685. Oh, it's about a vampire film? It's a vampire
film, but were vegetarians, we don't bite.Copy !req
686. Vegetarian vampires. Vegetarian
vampires. This I need to see.Copy !req
687. We're much too classy for all
that 15th-century nonsense.Copy !req
688. Now, I'm conscious of the time,
cos I know that you are appearingCopy !req
689. on stage this evening... Mm-hm...
..in Coriolanus. In Coriolanus, yes.Copy !req
690. Which calls for you at the end,
I understand,Copy !req
691. to be strung upside down,
bleeding profusely.Copy !req
692. That's how it goes down, yeah.Copy !req
693. Spoiler! Yeah.Copy !req
694. It is a 450-year-old text,
so I think it's OK.Copy !req
695. Did it occur to you when you
were driving around the track,Copy !req
696. if you had an accident,
you could save the make-up?Copy !req
697. If I just roll the car,
crash it... You could turn up...Copy !req
698. And say, "I have my 27 wounds upon
me." 27 wounds, blood gushing...Copy !req
699. So, did you crash?
I didn't trash, per se.Copy !req
700. Because, well, shall we have a look?
Let's have a look. I'm very nervous.Copy !req
701. It was very wet out there.
Who would like to see the lap?Copy !req
702. Yes!Copy !req
703. Let's have a look. Play the tape.Copy !req
704. Three, two, one...Copy !req
705. Oh, I've stalled the BLEEP!Copy !req
706. No way!Copy !req
707. Oh, the shame! Yeah, you've got double
first from Cambridge, have you not?Copy !req
708. In Classics? I did. I did. But you
can't set off in a Vauxhall Astra?Copy !req
709. Oh, dear. Anyway, let's see
the finished product, shall we?Copy !req
710. When you actually set off.
Right. Here we go.Copy !req
711. Ooh, that's a lot of clutch.Copy !req
712. Come on. Come on!
BLEEP. Come on!Copy !req
713. God Almighty, that's wet.Copy !req
714. Doing well, though.Copy !req
715. Go, go, go. Go, go, go, take
the bend hard, take the bend hard.Copy !req
716. Use the track.Copy !req
717. Yeah, use the track. Better.Copy !req
718. God, you've actually got
that thing sliding.Copy !req
719. Normally, it's got very good grip.
Yeah, it was very puddly out there.Copy !req
720. Right, could you see
the lines at the Hammerhead?Copy !req
721. Yeah, just about, cos it was
very tight. Very difficult. Yeah.Copy !req
722. Hugh Bonneville was here last week.Copy !req
723. He said he couldn't see the lines
cos it was so wet.Copy !req
724. It's weird in England... Yeah.
..to have two wet days(!)Copy !req
725. Floor it.Copy !req
726. You're not doing it flat.Copy !req
727. Come on!Copy !req
728. You are! No, you're not.Copy !req
729. I was going to say,
that's ballsy on a day like today.Copy !req
730. Stupid but ballsy.Copy !req
731. Right. Ooh, the tail coming out.
You are very committed to this.Copy !req
732. There you go. Second to last corner.
That's very nicely done. Gambon.Copy !req
733. A bit safe, a bit safe?
No, I disagree.Copy !req
734. There we are, across the line.Copy !req
735. Now, we've only ever had one wet lap,
which was last week - Hugh Bonneville.Copy !req
736. So where do you think you've come,
bearing that in mind?Copy !req
737. Oh, I'm a bit worried
I haven't beaten Hugh.Copy !req
738. It'd be nice to be somewhere around
that, that area.Copy !req
739. Right, somewhere around that...Copy !req
740. There's Ron Howard.
He directed Rush. He did.Copy !req
741. Ron Howard - that was dry.Copy !req
742. He was just basically hopeless.Copy !req
743. Hugh was 1.50.1.Copy !req
744. OK. And you, Tom Hiddleston,Copy !req
745. 1...Copy !req
746. Which is good. That's good? OK.Copy !req
747. 40...Copy !req
748. but only just.Copy !req
749. 9.9.Copy !req
750. Oh! There we go.Copy !req
751. Well...Copy !req
752. All right. Thank you.Copy !req
753. In the wet?Copy !req
754. Very wet.Copy !req
755. Thank you! I got a V.
Special very wet.Copy !req
756. Well, I must let you go,
which is a shameCopy !req
757. because I'm much enjoying
all of this.Copy !req
758. Ladies and gentlemen,
Tom Hiddleston! Thank you.Copy !req
759. Now...Copy !req
760. this is the brand-new
£866,000 McLaren P1,Copy !req
761. probably the most advanced
and jaw-dropping carCopy !req
762. the world has ever seen.Copy !req
763. Hmm. The attention to detail in this
thing boggles the mind.Copy !req
764. It is... It's almost science
fiction.Copy !req
765. And so, there was
only one place on EarthCopy !req
766. where I could test it properly.Copy !req
767. Belgium.Copy !req
768. This is Bruges.Copy !req
769. It's a quiet, friendly,
cobbled sort of place.Copy !req
770. And it's just a stone's
throw from Brussels,Copy !req
771. home to all the environmental
EU law-makers.Copy !req
772. All of which makes it an ideal
starting pointCopy !req
773. for my test of the new McLaren.Copy !req
774. Because behind the front seats
there are 324 laptop-style batteriesCopy !req
775. which power a silent,
polar-bear-friendly electric motor.Copy !req
776. This means that even the most
frizzy-haired sandal enthusiastCopy !req
777. would welcome this
car into their city centre.Copy !req
778. It's like that other two-seater
electric car, the G-Wiz.Copy !req
779. It's Al Gore with
a windscreen wiper.Copy !req
780. Do not think, however, that it has
the get-up-and-go of Jabba the Hutt.Copy !req
781. Because the electric motor in thisCopy !req
782. produces a whopping 176 horsepower.Copy !req
783. That's about what you
get from a Volkswagen GTI.Copy !req
784. So it's pretty nippy.Copy !req
785. The only problem is,
that after just six miles,Copy !req
786. the batteries will be flat.Copy !req
787. So you'll need to
plug your car into the mainsCopy !req
788. and sit about eating a chocolate
shoe for two hoursCopy !req
789. until they're charged up again.Copy !req
790. Or if this doesn't appeal,Copy !req
791. there is an alternative.Copy !req
792. Because, you see,
the P1 is fitted as standardCopy !req
793. with an on board petrol-powered
generator.Copy !req
794. And it is quite a big one.Copy !req
795. In fact, it's
a 3.8-litre twin-turbochargedCopy !req
796. 722-horsepower V8.Copy !req
797. We push this button...Copy !req
798. There it is, firing up.Copy !req
799. And the great thing is,Copy !req
800. it's not just charging
the batteries.Copy !req
801. It's also working alongside
the electric motorCopy !req
802. to power the wheels.Copy !req
803. So the P1, then, is not like a G-Wiz
at all, in any way.Copy !req
804. Thanks to that generator,Copy !req
805. you can take this
out of a city centreCopy !req
806. and onto the open road.Copy !req
807. And that's another reason I've
come to Belgium.Copy !req
808. Because there are
so many roads to choose from.Copy !req
809. Belgium has three times
as many roadsCopy !req
810. and 50% more cars per square mileCopy !req
811. than we do in Britain.Copy !req
812. And the stats from this
remarkable countryCopy !req
813. just keep on coming.Copy !req
814. There are so many
miles of street-lit motorway hereCopy !req
815. that Belgium is officially
the brightest country on Earth.Copy !req
816. It's a little-known fact that
Buzz Aldrin's first wordsCopy !req
817. when he set foot on the moon were,Copy !req
818. "Good God! You can
see Belgium from up here!"Copy !req
819. I made that up.Copy !req
820. On the road I chose, there was rain.Copy !req
821. There was sunshine.Copy !req
822. There were clear stretches.Copy !req
823. And there were traffic jams.Copy !req
824. And the McLaren was quiet
and comfortable through it all.Copy !req
825. But it was not what you'd
call luxurious.Copy !req
826. It is, frankly, as well equipped
as a pair of monk's underpants.Copy !req
827. And that's because,
like the Alfa we saw earlier,Copy !req
828. this car was designed to
be as fat as Iggy Pop.Copy !req
829. Inside, there's no glove box
and no carpets.Copy !req
830. The glass is just 3.5mm thick,Copy !req
831. 1.5mm thinner than
the glass in normal cars,Copy !req
832. except in the back windows...Copy !req
833. where there's no glass at all.Copy !req
834. No lacquer is added to
carbon-fibre trimCopy !req
835. to save 1.5kg.Copy !req
836. The whole chassis weighs less
than James May.Copy !req
837. The trimmings are titanium,Copy !req
838. and the body is
made from just five panels,Copy !req
839. which means less glue
and fewer bolts are neededCopy !req
840. to hold it all together.Copy !req
841. All of this means that,
despite the bank of batteriesCopy !req
842. and the fact it has two engines,Copy !req
843. this car weighs less than
a Vauxhall Astra.Copy !req
844. That, of course,
makes it economical.Copy !req
845. And fast.Copy !req
846. Really fast.Copy !req
847. Mind-blowingly fast.Copy !req
848. Oh, my God!Copy !req
849. Ohhh!Copy !req
850. The speed, in fact,
is the main reasonCopy !req
851. I brought this car to Belgium.Copy !req
852. Because Belgium is home to
this place.Copy !req
853. Spa - the longest, wildest
racetrack on the F1 calendar.Copy !req
854. How can they make something
go this fast?Copy !req
855. OK. OK, let me
just slow it down while I explainCopy !req
856. what's going on here.Copy !req
857. The electric motor
and the big V8 generatorCopy !req
858. are working togetherCopy !req
859. so that I have at my disposalCopy !req
860. 903 brake horsepower.Copy !req
861. Ohh!Copy !req
862. Obviously, I've driven
a Bugatti VeyronCopy !req
863. that has more than that,Copy !req
864. but a Bugatti Veyron...Copy !req
865. Oh!Copy !req
866. It has four-wheel driveCopy !req
867. and it weighs more than most
mountains.Copy !req
868. This is rear-wheel drive,Copy !req
869. and the only significant weight
comes from the airCopy !req
870. passing over the body.Copy !req
871. Flat in a Formula 1 car.Copy !req
872. Not flat in this.Copy !req
873. Oh, they should have called
this the Widow-maker!Copy !req
874. The throttle is a hyperspace button.Copy !req
875. Step on it...Copy !req
876. and you're gone.Copy !req
877. And yet, somehow,
even in this appalling weather,Copy !req
878. it got round all of the cornersCopy !req
879. without crashing once.Copy !req
880. So, how?Copy !req
881. Well, that's partly because it's
made of stuff from the future.Copy !req
882. And partly because it's clever.Copy !req
883. It adapts. It moves around to
suit its environment.Copy !req
884. As the speed climbs,
the rear wing risesCopy !req
885. to generate more downforce,Copy !req
886. but as you go past 156mph,Copy !req
887. it starts to go
back down a little bit,Copy !req
888. otherwise the weight of the air
passing over itCopy !req
889. would be so enormous it would
break the suspension.Copy !req
890. Then you have the exhaust,
which works with the rear diffuserCopy !req
891. to generate an area of low pressureCopy !req
892. into which the back of the car
is sucked.Copy !req
893. The wheels are made
from military-grade aluminium.Copy !req
894. The brake discs from a material
that's only ever been usedCopy !req
895. in the Arianespace programme.Copy !req
896. And they're coated with something
called silicon carbide.Copy !req
897. Apparently it's the hardest
substance known to man.Copy !req
898. Apart from dried Weetabix,
obviously.Copy !req
899. And then, the whole thingCopy !req
900. sits on four tyres that were
designed and made by Pirelli.Copy !req
901. All of this means you really
have the confidence to open it up.Copy !req
902. This thing goes from 0 to 160mphCopy !req
903. faster than a Golf
goes from 0 to 60.Copy !req
904. 130, 140, 150,Copy !req
905. 160, 170, 180, 190...Copy !req
906. Bloody hellfire!Copy !req
907. And as you hurtle round in a puddle
of your own faeces,Copy !req
908. girning like an infant,Copy !req
909. the car is working on ways of going
even faster.Copy !req
910. Let me give you an example.Copy !req
911. The electric motor is usedCopy !req
912. to fill in the little gaps
when the petrol engineCopy !req
913. isn't working at its best, like,
for example,Copy !req
914. during gear changesCopy !req
915. or while the massive
turbos are spooling up.Copy !req
916. And what I find hysterical
about that is that McLarenCopy !req
917. has taken this hybrid technology,Copy !req
918. which is designed to reduce
the impactCopy !req
919. of the internal combustion engineCopy !req
920. and is using it to increase
the impact.Copy !req
921. That's like weaponising a wind farm.Copy !req
922. Or buying the Rainbow Warrior
and turning it into an oil tanker.Copy !req
923. For years, cars have all been
basically the sameCopy !req
924. but this really isn't.Copy !req
925. It's a game-changer.
A genuinely new chapterCopy !req
926. in the history of motoring.Copy !req
927. In a town, it's as eco friendly as
a health-food shop.Copy !req
928. On a motorway, it's comfortable
and produces no more carbon dioxideCopy !req
929. than a family saloon.Copy !req
930. And on a track,
it can rip a hole through time.Copy !req
931. And it's all been achieved using
something that's been aroundCopy !req
932. for centuries -
brilliant British engineering.Copy !req
933. You could argue
that it doesn't haveCopy !req
934. the passion or
the flair of a Ferrari,Copy !req
935. and I'd probably agree with you.Copy !req
936. But look at it this way.Copy !req
937. It was passion and flair that built
the Leaning Tower of Pisa,Copy !req
938. and it was British engineeringCopy !req
939. that built the plumb-dead-straight
Westminster Abbey.Copy !req
940. Hair on end.Copy !req
941. Great, but weren't we supposed to
test that against the hybridsCopy !req
942. that Porsche and Ferrari are
developing? The Ferrari isn't ready.Copy !req
943. The Porsche is. It wasn't
when I filmed that. But it is now.Copy !req
944. I shall be driving it on the show
in a few weeks' time. Yes.Copy !req
945. And after you've done that,
we're going to put the StigCopy !req
946. in both of them and do some time
laps around our track.Copy !req
947. Now, that should be quite
something, I think.Copy !req
948. I don't think it will be. Hey?
Why not?Copy !req
949. Well, because... Were you not
listening the film? Yeah.Copy !req
950. The speed of this is beyond
anything I've ever experienced.Copy !req
951. It's animal savagery.
It's beyond belief.Copy !req
952. Yes, yes, yes, but the Porsche might
be faster. It won't be.Copy !req
953. But it might be. No, but it won't be.Copy !req
954. But... it might be.Copy !req
955. I guarantee it won't be.
But it might be.Copy !req
956. Hammond, I'll do you a deal.Copy !req
957. If the Porsche is faster
round our track than this,Copy !req
958. I will change my name, by deed poll,Copy !req
959. to Jennifer.Copy !req
960. Really? Yes.Copy !req
961. Promise? Yes.Copy !req
962. And on that potential bombshell,
it is time to end.Copy !req
963. Thank you so much for watching.
See you next week. Good night!Copy !req