1. Tonight, I point at a thing...
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2. .. Richard walks through a shop
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3. and James has some bananas.
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4. Hello! Hello, everybody.
Thank you.
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5. Thank you so much.
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6. Now, every so often we like to
remind ourselves that this is
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7. a motoring show.
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8. So, we get three really nice cars
and go for a long drive.
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9. And what we do is, we take it in
turns to choose the location.
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10. So, if it's my turn,
we usually end up in France,
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11. if it is James's turn
we usually end up in...
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12. 1953.
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13. Tonight, though,
it was Hammond's turn.
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14. So guess what?
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15. Our meeting point was
the Valley of Fire in Nevada.
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16. And what you see here
is the car I'll be using.
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17. This is a Lexus LFA.
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18. It's not the most powerful car
in the world, it's not the fastest,
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19. it's not the best looking
and it certainly isn't the cheapest.
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20. Plus, the Lexus badge does come
with a whiff of masonry.
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21. But I drove one of these
in England last year
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22. and I emerged from the experience
thinking, "That might very well be
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23. "the best car I've ever driven."
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24. And that's why we're here.
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25. To find out.
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26. At this point,
the stillness of the desert
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27. was shattered by the sound
of an approaching James May,
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28. who was at the wheel of the new
Aston Martin Vanquish.
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29. That's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.
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30. It's not bad, is it?
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31. This is a DBS replacement,
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32. but also a bit inspired by
the 177, million pound thing.
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33. And look at the upholstery!
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34. I know, the upholstery
is outrageous.
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35. That's the best looking Aston
there's ever been, actually.
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36. Best one they've done.
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37. That, though, cos I've never seen
one in a good colour like that,
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38. that is pretty fantastic.
No, but yours is better.
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39. And the great thing is,
I'm in the better car
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40. and I'm just going to follow you
around going, "That is beautiful."
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41. 'After a bit more
mutual mastication,
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42. 'we started to wonder what
Billy Bob Hammond might bring.'
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43. Will it be something subtle,
small, European?
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44. No, my money was on something
rather large,
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45. brash and maybe even American.
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46. 'And blow me down, I was right.'
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47. So... The new Viper.
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48. You? Yeah.
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49. I know it looks exactly like the old
one, but that is the new Viper.
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50. Yay. Subtle.
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51. Before you two start, let me just
tell you, that 8.4 litre V10,
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52. that's the largest engine
ever fitted to any production car
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53. since the war.
And looking around here,
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54. let's not forget,
this car is the fastest,
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55. with the highest top speed,
it's the fastest to 60,
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56. the most powerful, 640bhp,
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57. it's got the most torque
and the biggest engine.
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58. I'm sorry, Hammond.
They haven't styled it.
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59. This has been in a wind tunnel
to look like this!
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60. If that's been in a wind tunnel,
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61. they parked it in there sideways
for all the good it's done.
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62. It's been in a wind tunnel.
Look at the panel gap.
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63. I'll stand behind you,
have a look at it.
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64. Let me see if I can see
how many fingers you hold up
in that panel gap.
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65. There has to be a gap
between the panels or
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66. there'd be one piece!
Let's have a look at yours.
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67. That looks ridiculous. It's a Lexus.
It's just a nerd-fest. It's a Lexus.
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68. It's for rich golfers, is what it is.
I admit, the Lexus...
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69. If you want to talk about panel gap,
there's a whopper straightaway.
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70. It's a cooling system!
Is it heck, it doesn't fit.
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71. I'm surprised at you cos this is
a bunch of retro nonsense, really.
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72. No, I'm sorry, I won't have that.
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73. It's very pretty, yes,
but it's harking...
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74. It's harking back to the past
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75. and a car with an engine
from the 1930s isn't?
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76. This is a nerd-fest, that's for
old fools, that is a proper,
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77. honest Gran T... 8.4 litre V10.
You don't need it to be that big!
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78. Hang on a second. Who owns Chrysler
now, the people that made this?
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79. Fiat. What else do they make?
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80. Ferrari. There you go.
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81. But, Hammond, All-Bran is made by
the same people who make Frosties.
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82. It doesn't mean they're comparable!
That's a stupid...
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83. It's not! Right, look.
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84. I knew I would get some flak...
Shush. Shush.
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85. Instead of just standing here
arguing... Yes.
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86. .. why don't we go for a drive?
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87. That's a better idea. Open the taps.
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88. 'Straight away, though,
there was a problem.'
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89. Not again. Hammond, why do
you like it in America so much?
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90. Every nice piece of road
has an 8mph speed limit on it.
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91. I don't know, don't ask me,
it's not my fault.
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92. Yes, it is.
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93. I mean, what are we going to hit?
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94. What are we going to hit here?
There's nothing.
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95. No wildlife, no people.
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96. This is stupid. It's stupid!
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97. 'Eventually, though,
the 35mph hour limit ended,
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98. 'and thanks to some trickery
in the edit,
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99. 'we were able to take our cars up
to a dizzying 55mph.'
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100. There it goes.
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101. This isn't just an engine,
it's a force of nature!
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102. Let's see what a proper V12
feels like.
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103. Nice is the answer.
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104. The engine in this is so exquisite
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105. that it revs from idle to 9,000rpm
in 0.6 of a second.
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106. In fact, it revs so fast
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107. they couldn't fit a conventional
rev counter.
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108. It had to be electronic, because
a normal one simply can't keep up.
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109. Right, let's sort something out
right from the start.
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110. James's Aston Martin costs £190,000.
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111. Jeremy's Celica, £340,000.
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112. This - £75,000 or thereabouts.
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113. That is a huge difference!
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114. It does all the fancy stuff, too,
it's got all the fancy materials,
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115. carbon fibre, aluminium, magnesium -
they're all in here.
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116. 'But when it comes to technology,
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117. 'neither of their cars is a match
for the howling LFA.'
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118. It took five years of sweat,
toil and cash to design this car
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119. and then just before they put
it on sale, someone said,
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120. "You know, I think it would be
better if the body was made from
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121. "carbon fibre rather
than aluminium."
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122. And they began all over again.
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123. How much would that cost?
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124. All I do know is,
they sell them for £340,000
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125. and they lose money on every single
one that leaves the dealership.
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126. 'By the time Jeremy had stopped
droning on about his Celica,
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127. 'we were on a motorway
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128. 'and I got the distinct impression
I was playing gooseberry.'
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129. I'd like to say that, from the back,
particularly in that colour,
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130. and in fact this light,
the LFA looks absolutely epic.
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131. I mean, seriously.
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132. Ooh, that makes a lovely sound.
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133. It makes a very nice noise,
your Aston Martin.
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134. Oh, God, why don't you two
just get a room?
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135. "Your car looks nice!"
"Oh, your car sounds lovely." Ooh!
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136. 'But they didn't get a room.
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137. 'Instead, they stopped
to look at a silly aeroplane.'
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138. James? Yeah, yeah. B-2? Yeah.
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139. That's amazing, isn't it?
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140. That is a B-2 stealth bomber
coming into land at...
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141. Actually, he's turning
to come over us. Yeah.
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142. We're not supposed
to be able to see it, are we?
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143. I don't think it works!
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144. 'As the sun began to set,
we were back on the road,
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145. 'heading for the Las Vegas
Motor Speedway.
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146. 'Here, you can drive a NASCAR
round the oval,
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147. 'or you can learn the racetrack
on a Ferrari simulator
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148. 'before doing it for real
in an actual Ferrari car.
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149. 'But Jeremy decided
we should go to the drag strip.'
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150. God, that's loud!
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151. Argh!
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152. 'We couldn't understand why,
because it just seemed to be
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153. 'a lot of very noisy modified cars,
which we all hate.'
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154. Look, there's another one come in
dressed as a policeman.
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155. No, they really are police. What,
genuinely? They really... I promise.
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156. There they are, police sheriff
and the fire department.
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157. They invite kids down
to race against them
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158. to stop the kids racing
on the streets.
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159. So they race the actual police?
That was a police Mustang.
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160. They've modded, the police have
modded it and then say to kids...
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161. "What you got?"Can you beat us?"
They actually call it Beat The Meat.
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162. No, it's probably Beat The Heat,
cos heat means... Yeah, I meant that.
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163. 'To prove that modified
cars are idiotic,
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164. 'Jeremy decided to take on
the local sheriff.'
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165. Yes, look, I'm up against
some crummy pickup truck.
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166. This is going to just be...
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167. .. well, deeply embarrassing for him.
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168. That's there?
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169. 'After this humiliation,
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170. 'I took on the state trooper
in another pickup truck.'
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171. OK, now, come on, Richard,
concentrate.
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172. Where's he gone?
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173. 'Having watched the fire
department's motorcycle demolish
a Honda NSX...'
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174. '.. James wisely decided to take on
a youth
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175. 'in a clapped-out Mitsubishi Evo.'
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176. Oh, yes, for England!
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177. I'm going to do it in D and Sport,
I'm going to use Launch Control.
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178. Try not to look smug, James. Try not
to look smug. Practise your face.
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179. Oh, hang on a second.
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180. All-wheel drive beats
rear-wheel drive.
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181. God, he just sodded off.
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182. Woo! >
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183. Oh, now, come on.
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184. 'Having spent the entire evening
losing to absolutely everything...'
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185. Pick on a weak one!
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186. Oh, no!
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187. '.. we decided we didn't like
drag racing
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188. 'and went into Las Vegas
to do strip billiards instead.'
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189. Humiliating.
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190. I can't believe, I still can't
believe that I was beaten
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191. by some bloke who had spent
1,500 quid modifying
an ancient Mitsubishi.
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192. No, but the reason we hate modified
cars is cos we know,
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193. if he tried to do it again,
his engine would go "BANG!
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194. "Clatter, clatter, clatter," and
that would be end of that. True.
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195. I'll tell you what I think's funny,
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196. imagine the British police
trying to do Beat the Meat.
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197. Heat! Heat!
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198. "Right, I've tuned up
the Astra Diesel.
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199. "I might get 120 out of it
down the straight now,
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200. "who wants to take me on?"
What a spectacle.
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201. But anyway, the most important thing
is to reveal now which of the cars,
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202. our cars, was the fastest
and it was mine.
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203. Er, yours was the most expensive.
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204. It was the fastest.
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205. Listen, on paper
the Viper is the fastest.
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206. Yes, on paper,
but, Hammond, on tarmac...
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207. .. mine was the... It was,
it just was. User area...
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208. Anyway, we'll pick that up later on
but now we're going to do the news.
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209. Yes, we are. I've had
another theory. Good.
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210. Oh, God. No, you love my theories.
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211. OK, this one, you know Jessops
and HMV and Woolworths and Comet,
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212. they all closed down recently?
Yeah, Jeremy, this is a car show.
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213. Yes, yes, bear with me, OK?
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214. And everyone is asking,
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215. "Why are people shopping in retail
and out-of-town centres
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216. "and town centres are just
becoming boarded-up shops
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217. "and women in short skirts vomiting
and catching herpes?" Right?
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218. There's a very good reason for this.
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219. It's cos when you go to an
out-of-town retail centre place,
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220. you can park your car.
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221. When you go into a town centre,
you can't.
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222. Right, so what are you suggesting?
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223. It's easy to fix Britain's
town centres.
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224. Rip up every double yellow line and
sack every single traffic warden.
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225. The problem is solved.
Why wouldn't you do that?
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226. Everybody's running around going,
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227. "Town centres are dying,
what should we do? It's easy!"
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228. But if you allow people to park
anywhere in the town centre,
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229. it'll become impossible to get in
or out. Rubbish! It's true.
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230. So you think parking restrictions
are just out of spite?
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231. Well, what else are they for?
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232. They go, "Hey, we did really well,
we got a £12 revenue today
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233. "from our parking restrictions."
Meanwhile, every shop is shut.
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234. We need to have a more French
attitude to parking.
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235. Cos the rule in France is,
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236. if there is a space that a car will
go in, you put your car in it.
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237. Even if it's on a mini roundabout,
that is the rule.
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238. James, why aren't we
running the country?
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239. Why are we presenting this programme
with Noel Coward, more to the point?
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240. You were Mr Toad last week,
you really are moving around.
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241. Right, we've sorted parking. Good.
You haven't!
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242. Now, the next problem we face
and this is a big one...
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243. You know when James
is telling you something
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244. and you start to feel drowsy?
Oh, God.
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245. Yes, it's like you've had
a whole bottle of red,
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246. five portions of shepherd's pie
in front of a fire.
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247. Yeah, and it's embarrassing.
It is embarrassing.
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248. He's in the middle of a story
and you nod off. It's awkward.
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249. It is awkward. However, it's all
going to be solved with this. £8.99.
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250. You clip it on your ear, OK?
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251. Right. Sitting still.
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252. James. Explain torque. Torque?
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253. Torque is fantastically simple,
Jeremy, it's just a force
at a distance,
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254. that's why it's in pound-feet,
for example, or newton metres.
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255. It's waking me up as well,
what's the point of that?
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256. I can hear him now. It is, I'd
rather be asleep with his lectures.
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257. No, they also say it can be used
for drivers.
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258. So when you're driving you can
have it on your ear
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259. and if you nod off,
it'll wake you up.
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260. But, and you'll love this bit,
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261. it says in the blurb it could be
used by airline pilots. What?
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262. Oh, really? That's some comfort,
isn't it? It's reassuring, I think.
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263. Mid Atlantic, thinking, "It's OK
because the fate of me
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264. "and all these other souls
on board this jumbo jet
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265. "lie in the hands of a £7.99..."
8.99!
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266. "..£8.99 Chinese-made ear beep."
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267. I don't actually know how much
a Boeing 747 costs,
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268. but I'm pretty sure the price
isn't something 99.
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269. But there's no component
of it that's something 99.
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270. Can you imagine if they said,
"An announcement now
from the flight deck..."
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271. Argh! Wake up!
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272. Wake up! It is a stupid idea.
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273. It is a stupid idea.
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274. Now, while I was driving down here
I saw one of the new Jaguar F-types.
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275. Have you heard about this?
The new Jag small sports car.
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276. Got a picture here. It is a
beautiful looking thing. Oh, yes.
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277. And actually, it's even better
looking from the back.
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278. I mean, that is a sensational
looking thing.
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279. But I'll tell you what surprised me
about it,
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280. is I thought it was
going to cost 40,000,
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281. the same as a Porsche Boxster
or a Mercedes SLK.
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282. It's going to cost between 60 and
80,000, and even on the top models
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283. you pay extra for heated seats
and keyless entry and so on.
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284. I'll tell you what
worries me about that.
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285. I bet they have set that up more
for handling and less for comfort.
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286. Mm. Which will be a mistake.
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287. God, it's for younger people.
That's the...
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288. It isn't! It is. It isn't!
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289. Younger people spend 150 quid
on their cars, not 80 grand.
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290. The only person who can spend 80
grand on a car is in their 50s.
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291. That car, Hammond, it is... Yeah,
well, us, but it is made for people,
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292. exclusively for people, who make
a noise when they sit down. Eh?
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293. You go to a Jag dealership to buy
that and they'll say,
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294. "Mr May, take a seat."
And you go, "Oh, thank you.
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295. "Ahhhh. Yes!"
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296. Sold! Oh, God... That car is
for people who watch TV OR text.
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297. Not both at the same time.
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298. You do realise you two are
now officially the oldest
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299. people in the world!
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300. Hammond, we can't all be 36
forever, mate.
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301. I like it, I'm sticking with it.
Now, news from Citroen.
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302. They've developed a car
that runs on compressed air.
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303. No, I've been reading about this
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304. and I have literally
no idea how it works.
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305. I saw you reading about this
earlier on today and you know
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306. when somebody's eyes glaze?
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307. His looked like they'd been
painted on.
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308. It's undecipherable. And you could
see the words ricocheting off. Ping!
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309. They wouldn't go in, I can't work
it out. I can't work it out.
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310. It's simple. It's a bit like...
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311. Explain it to me then, James.
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312. It's like a hybrid, like a Toyota,
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313. but instead of generating
electricity under-braking
when going downhill,
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314. it compresses air, which then...
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315. It wakes me as well!
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316. How does...
No, this is what I don't understand.
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317. Why don't they just put,
you know those scuba divers tanks
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318. on the back and then they shoot air
out and it'll make it go along?
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319. Because that wouldn't work.
It would!
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320. What about fire extinguishers?
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321. You put two fire extinguishers
on the boot lid,
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322. when you set them off it would
make the car move forward.
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323. Technically it would,
but it's extremely wasteful.
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324. To go round our track,
you'd need a fire extinguisher
the size of Hazelmere.
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325. No, no, no.
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326. No, because fire extinguishers
are full of carbon dioxide. Yes.
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327. Well, engines produce carbon dioxide
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328. so you'd endlessly refill
the fire extinguisher.
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329. You can't use carbon dioxide
from cars to power cars.
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330. Isaac Newton said it would work.
I'm going to prove it.
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331. I'm going to prove it.
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332. What goes on...? Give me this...
Right. What goes on in his head?
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333. Move back. Move back, move back.
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334. Back!
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335. Because seriously, I'm going
to rocket across the studio floor.
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336. Are we ready, everybody?
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337. Here we go.
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338. Why's it doing this?
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339. Why is it doing that?
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340. Newton said the opposite
of any reaction... No.
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341. Every action has an equal and
opposite reaction, yes. Rubbish!
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342. Every action makes you spin
round in a lazy circle.
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343. Clever or not, you can't expect him
to have foreseen a gigantic,
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344. idiotic ape in an office chair
with a fire extinguisher, can you?
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345. Shall we move on? Yes!
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346. Because tonight we are involved
in an epic drive across the western
United States in a Lexus LFA,
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347. an Aston Martin Vanquish
and the mighty Viper.
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348. Yes, and when we left the action
earlier we were with
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349. the Las Vegas Police Department,
taking part in some drag racing.
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350. The idea being that if you race on
the track, you won't feel inclined
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351. to race between the traffic lights
out on the streets.
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352. So, had it worked?
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353. Ahhhh!
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354. You know we're supposed to have got
this out of our system, don't you?
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355. We've been on the
awareness course.
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356. 'A long journey lay ahead.
So, we decided to annoy Jeremy.'
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357. Just to let you know, my iPod's
working really well in the car,
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358. how about yours?
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359. No, I don't have an
iPod connector in here.
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360. I suppose, yeah,
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361. it'd be a bit much to ask for that
on a £340,000 car, wouldn't it(?)
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362. I would imagine it would be there,
my simple hick car has got...
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363. You can Bluetooth your iPhone to it.
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364. Jeremy, is there anything else you
haven't got that any reasonable,
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365. modern car should have?
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366. Er, not really.
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367. Don't say cup-holders.
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368. Have you got a cup-holder?
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369. No, I haven't got a cup-holder.
Copy !req
370. What a tragic oversight.
Copy !req
371. I think Lexus were concentrating
Copy !req
372. so hard on building the perfect car,
they forgot that occasionally
Copy !req
373. you might need to go somewhere
in it and need a cup-holder
Copy !req
374. and an iPod connector and a seat
belt that does up more easily
Copy !req
375. than this one, which doesn't do up
easily at all if you're a bit...
Copy !req
376. fat.
Copy !req
377. I've got a meter that tells me
Copy !req
378. how much torque my engine is
producing at any given moment.
Copy !req
379. Have you got one of those?
Copy !req
380. I absolutely haven't got one
of those and I'm very,
very pleased about it.
Copy !req
381. Oh, God, Hammond,
Copy !req
382. the back of your car lights up
with a stupid viper when you break.
Copy !req
383. Ahh!
Copy !req
384. That's the stupidest thing
I've ever seen!
Copy !req
385. That isn't just a viper,
that is a Stryker,
Copy !req
386. it's the emblem of this car.
Copy !req
387. I'm going to crash into
you trying to get a closer look
Copy !req
388. at your novelty item.
Copy !req
389. 'As we cruised at a steady 55
towards California,
Copy !req
390. 'Jeremy discovered yet another
problem with the Lexus.'
Copy !req
391. Would you mind awfully if we stopped
for petrol? I need some.
Copy !req
392. I've got more than half a tank.
Copy !req
393. So have I.
Copy !req
394. It is quite a small tank.
Copy !req
395. 'In a town famous for having the
tallest thermometer in the world,
Copy !req
396. 'I spent three pounds filling
the Zippo in the Lexus
Copy !req
397. 'and then bought Hammond some fuel
for his car.'
Copy !req
398. Oh... May?
Copy !req
399. Yeah? This is the right fuel
for a Viper, isn't it?
Copy !req
400. Looks like it. Funny(!)
Copy !req
401. Well, we can't get it in the tank.
Funny(!)
Copy !req
402. You know what you've done?
Copy !req
403. You haven't got unleaded wood,
that's why it won't go in the slot.
Copy !req
404. Is it charcoal we need? Yeah.
I'm sorry, mate.
Copy !req
405. Never mind. Thank you. I'll go
and change it for some charcoal.
Copy !req
406. 'While I did that,
Hammond kindly solved
the LFA's cup-holder problem.'
Copy !req
407. They haven't put sugar in it!
Copy !req
408. 'After the pit stop,
the producers told us
Copy !req
409. 'to report to a racetrack
called Willow Springs.'
Copy !req
410. Er, right. I'm going to try a sat
nav test. Here we go. Use my mouse.
Copy !req
411. You actually get a mouse in one
of these. Destination, click.
Copy !req
412. Apparently it's calling someone.
Copy !req
413. 'Lexus Inform.' It is.
Copy !req
414. 'This is Anita. Where would
you like to go today?'
Copy !req
415. Er, Willow Springs Raceway.
Copy !req
416. 'Just a moment and
I can help you with that.'
Copy !req
417. No... 'Let me just get that
plugged in for you.'
Copy !req
418. And then can you make that come
onto my screen in the car?
Copy !req
419. 'Absolutely, I'm going to download
it to your navigation for you
Copy !req
420. 'instead of you putting it in
yourself.
Copy !req
421. 'Is there anything else
I can help with?'
Copy !req
422. Er, no, I'm so staggered.
That's amazing, thank you very much.
Copy !req
423. 'You're welcome.
Copy !req
424. 'Definitely call us 24/7
as many times as you need
Copy !req
425. 'and we will help you out, OK?'
Copy !req
426. 'In fact, I called her back
immediately.
Copy !req
427. 'And she suggested we stop off
at a nearby tourist attraction.'
Copy !req
428. What they've done here is,
you will note,
Copy !req
429. is fitted grooves at intervals
along the road. Right.
Copy !req
430. So, as you drive over them,
your tyres make a noise.
Copy !req
431. They play a note.
Copy !req
432. Really? This road is musical.
Copy !req
433. Is it? It's musical.
Copy !req
434. Really? It plays a tune
as you drive...
Copy !req
435. 'As James has a music degree,
we sent him out to test it.'
Copy !req
436. Here we go.
Copy !req
437. Is that a tune?
Copy !req
438. I think that was supposed to be
the William Tell Overture.
Copy !req
439. Jeremy then had another idea.
Copy !req
440. Richard Hammond and I
will now perform a duet.
Copy !req
441. If I reverse, will it play
a message from the devil?
Copy !req
442. This often happens in rock and roll.
Copy !req
443. What a numpty.
Copy !req
444. To make the tune go backwards, you
can still drive the car forwards.
Copy !req
445. Yeah... Never mind.
Copy !req
446. Yes.
Copy !req
447. It's telling me
Paul McCartney's dead
Copy !req
448. because he wasn't wearing
any shoes or socks.
Copy !req
449. 'Having decided the musical road
might be a bit annoying
Copy !req
450. 'if you live near it, we continued
onwards and eventually arrived
Copy !req
451. 'at Willow Springs.
Copy !req
452. 'We were keen to take on this
amazing race complex
Copy !req
453. 'in the high desert of California.
Copy !req
454. 'But the producers had other ideas.'
Copy !req
455. Thank you.
Copy !req
456. "You will be familiar with a game
called laser quest."
Copy !req
457. That's that one... It's like
paintballing but with lasers.
Copy !req
458. You have a jacket that's got
laser receptors on it
Copy !req
459. and it registers when you've been
hit. Yes, I know that. What?
Copy !req
460. "You will now play
aerial laser quest."
Copy !req
461. How does that...? Well, hang on.
Copy !req
462. "Your cars have been fitted
with laser receptors.
Copy !req
463. "You will drive five laps
of the track
Copy !req
464. "while two fighter planes, fitted
with laser guns, shoot at you.
Copy !req
465. "The winner will be the one
who is least shot."
Copy !req
466. Fighter planes with laser guns?
What planes? Are they model planes?
Copy !req
467. Are they remote control?
Copy !req
468. 'They weren't.
Copy !req
469. 'In fact, they were
Italian Marchettis.
Copy !req
470. 'Fast, agile, armed and flown
today by two hotshot dog fighters.'
Copy !req
471. Orbiting to the north...
Copy !req
472. 'With our laser sensors activated,
we set off at 30-second intervals.'
Copy !req
473. Tally ho, tally ho, chaps.
Copy !req
474. Stand clear, I'm going to go
for the Aston on the straight.
Copy !req
475. They're after him already.
Kill him! Kill him!
Copy !req
476. I missed.
Copy !req
477. Let's just try sheer speed for a bit.
Copy !req
478. Bit of braking might fox him there.
Copy !req
479. Oh, no!
Copy !req
480. Oh, Captain Slow.
Copy !req
481. You're going to need to do better
than that, my friend.
Copy !req
482. Big speed coming up, 140!
Copy !req
483. That's nothing to those planes,
they could just reel me.
Copy !req
484. OK.
Copy !req
485. OK. We're going to go
for the Lexus.
Copy !req
486. Trying to shoot this car
from a plane like that, I'm sorry,
Copy !req
487. it's like trying to swat a fly
with a drinking straw.
Copy !req
488. Not going to happen.
Copy !req
489. Oh, no!
Copy !req
490. Bingo! Lex is dead.
Copy !req
491. I'm hit again!
Copy !req
492. They're just shooting at me
because my car's Japanese!
Copy !req
493. It's racism. Sorry, Jeremy.
Copy !req
494. 'There was only one thing for it.'
Copy !req
495. 'Lexus Inform, this is Cheryl,
where would you like to go today?'
Copy !req
496. I'm being attacked by
fighter planes!
Copy !req
497. 'I'm sorry, can you repeat that?'
Yes, I'm being attacked.
Copy !req
498. There are fighter planes and
I'm trying to get away from them.
Copy !req
499. Do you have any suggestions?
Copy !req
500. 'She didn't. And as a result,
the game became a turkey shoot.'
Copy !req
501. What?
Copy !req
502. No!
Copy !req
503. Argh!
Copy !req
504. Lexus dead.
Hamster is dead.
Copy !req
505. Bingo, Viper's dead.
Copy !req
506. Oh, there's Viper.
Copy !req
507. No, no, no, another hit for me!
Copy !req
508. My God, they got Ginger.
Copy !req
509. Smoke!
Copy !req
510. Smoke!
Copy !req
511. Oh, they're going in for the kill,
I can see him zooming down.
Copy !req
512. 'To be honest, we weren't enjoying
the relentless slaughter.'
Copy !req
513. Under attack, under attack.
Copy !req
514. 'But we were at least loving
our cars.'
Copy !req
515. Oh!
Copy !req
516. The guts of this car are what make it
unbelievable on track.
Copy !req
517. Just hauls ass.
Copy !req
518. Jinking, jinking.
Copy !req
519. And brake!
Copy !req
520. Oh, that just feels tremendous.
Copy !req
521. The word immediate was invented for
the throttle response on this car.
Copy !req
522. And the steering. And the gearbox.
And every single thing about it.
Copy !req
523. Ha-ha! Look at that.
Copy !req
524. 'But though our cars were good,
the planes were better.'
Copy !req
525. Oh, my God, how did he get me there?
Copy !req
526. 'So, 26 laps into the 5-lap event,
we decided to get cunning.'
Copy !req
527. You see? Ha-ha, where am I now then,
plane? You can't see me.
Copy !req
528. Invisi... Oh, he's got me. Bugger!
Copy !req
529. What I've done is, I've hidden
near the hills, behind a bucket.
Copy !req
530. See, this is the ingenuity
that marks me aside.
Copy !req
531. Oh, what?
Copy !req
532. Cunning wasn't working,
so we did what we do best - panic.
Copy !req
533. Hammond, you're going the wrong way.
You're going the wrong way!
Copy !req
534. Who's going the wrong way?
Copy !req
535. Oh, I'm going the wrong way!
Copy !req
536. Agh! No!
Copy !req
537. What?
Copy !req
538. Ah, a bonus.
Copy !req
539. No!
Copy !req
540. 'Fading light eventually brought
the massacre to an end.'
Copy !req
541. There's a lot of bullet holes
on those cars down there.
Copy !req
542. I liked that day.
That was a lot of fun.
Copy !req
543. I really did.
Copy !req
544. Can I just say, have you ever,
in your entire lives,
Copy !req
545. seen aircraft flying lower or faster
than that? No. To be honest, no.
Copy !req
546. I haven't. It's amazing. They
were just six feet off the deck.
Copy !req
547. Can I just bring us towards
the meat of the thing here?
Copy !req
548. Which is, I can now reveal,
I was hit 23 times.
Copy !req
549. A-ha! 17 times.
Copy !req
550. Come on then. What?
How many times where you hit?
Copy !req
551. I can't remember.
Yes, you can. Come on.
Copy !req
552. How many? 48.
Copy !req
553. 48? So you lost...
Copy !req
554. It was racism. Really? Racism?
Copy !req
555. Either way, you lost. The pilots
told me as well that, James,
Copy !req
556. you only won because every time
they went into a strafing dive
Copy !req
557. to hit us, they had to anticipate
where the car would be.
Copy !req
558. And every time your car was
considerably further back
Copy !req
559. than they'd expected it to be.
Copy !req
560. True. They said they couldn't hit
you because you were driving
too slowly. Really? They did.
Copy !req
561. Well, as I've said many times
before, gentlemen,
Copy !req
562. he who is last shall be first,
and so it turns out.
Copy !req
563. So the Baby Jesus had a point?
Copy !req
564. Anyway, it is now time to put
a star in our reasonably priced car.
Copy !req
565. My guest tonight is a member
of a popular ensemble where all
Copy !req
566. the members find each other
very irritating.
Copy !req
567. Oh, imagine that(!) Quite.
Copy !req
568. Ladies and gentlemen, from Fleetwood
Mac, it is the man himself,
Copy !req
569. Mick Fleetwood.
Copy !req
570. Holy moly!
Copy !req
571. You're here! How are you?
Mick Fleetwood has come to Top Gear.
Copy !req
572. We sit? Yes, have a seat, please.
Copy !req
573. Lord have mercy.
I've gone nervous. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
574. Only Roger Daltrey sat
on that side of the sofa.
Copy !req
575. It's obviously a rock thing.
No, that's lovely too. You choose.
Copy !req
576. Or I can be just big.
Copy !req
577. It's nice to have someone who is
the right height. There you go.
Copy !req
578. We'll get on to your amazing
car history in a minute
Copy !req
579. but if I may, I want
to talk about Rumours
Copy !req
580. cos this is one of my absolute
all-time favourite albums.
Copy !req
581. How many have been sold over
the years? Billions. No...
Copy !req
582. A lot. Getting on for 50 million
copies or so, yeah.
Copy !req
583. 50 million copies? I think, for me,
Copy !req
584. the most amazing thing about Rumours
is that it got made at all.
Copy !req
585. Because I think I'm right
in saying, I mean,
Copy !req
586. people think of The Who
and Keith Moon in particular
Copy !req
587. and Led Zeppelin and what have you,
there was some excess there.
Copy !req
588. But when it came to excess,
Fleetwood Mac were really,
Copy !req
589. as far as I can work out,
in a class of their own.
Copy !req
590. Don't get me wrong,
we were definitely in the top ten,
Copy !req
591. I would say, if not more.
Copy !req
592. But I think the romance of that
Copy !req
593. and the drama of that
became out of control,
Copy !req
594. mainly because we were stupid enough,
Copy !req
595. and somewhat irresponsible, to be
too open about our dirty laundry.
Copy !req
596. You were talking in public.
Copy !req
597. But it wasn't just the drugs either.
It was, as far as I can work out,
Copy !req
598. the band was just made up of people
who were fighting at that time. Yes.
Copy !req
599. We've got a photograph here
of the band.
Copy !req
600. So there's you, in the middle, OK,
the drummer.
Copy !req
601. And then we've got an American
couple who really didn't get on,
Copy !req
602. they were falling out
during the recording.
Copy !req
603. And a British couple. Yes. Who were
going through the same problems.
Copy !req
604. Now, the songs that they were
writing about each other
Copy !req
605. were genuinely about each other.
Copy !req
606. So, Stevie wrote Dreams, which was
about her boyfriend Lindsey. Yeah.
Copy !req
607. And then he wrote You Can
Go Your Own Way. Yes.
Copy !req
608. I know where you're going with this.
I think it's phenomenal.
Copy !req
609. The worst one was, was it Christine
wrote the song of John, her husband?
Copy !req
610. Er, yes. She did You Make Loving
Fun and he must have thought,
Copy !req
611. "Lovely song," but she was writing
about the lighting engineer
she was having an affair with.
Copy !req
612. This is true.
Copy !req
613. Are you starting to feel even
vaguely sorry for me?
Copy !req
614. It was unbelievably awkward
in the studio
Copy !req
615. because Lindsey would save the
vocals until all the recording
Copy !req
616. was done because he knew Dan well.
Copy !req
617. If he starts singing all the lines
you're talking about
Copy !req
618. with Stevie standing there,
she'd walk out.
Copy !req
619. But the worst thing is...
Quite clever.
Copy !req
620. It is, for getting the album down,
Copy !req
621. but then if you have to take it on
tour, poor old Stevie, all of them,
Copy !req
622. have to perform these songs about,
Copy !req
623. "I've got a small penis
and I'm better off..." Yes.
Copy !req
624. Because I'm just thinking,
Copy !req
625. if we ever put a band together
on Top Gear, I could write a song
Copy !req
626. called I Am A Crashing Bore and
then get James May to perform it.
Copy !req
627. Awww.
Copy !req
628. Then James could write one,
I'm An Irritating Little Brummie,
Copy !req
629. and for 40 years
Hammond would have to go along,
Copy !req
630. "I really don't like doing this."
Because that's what Rumours is.
Copy !req
631. No doubt.
Copy !req
632. That experience in the studio
was so horrendous, emotionally,
Copy !req
633. and the music was great and we all
aspired to... We didn't ever think
Copy !req
634. of walking out because we were
so into what we were doing.
Copy !req
635. Became the glue that
if we got through that,
Copy !req
636. we can get through 12 years
of high, high-powered,
Copy !req
637. which is probably 12-15 years,
we didn't stop doing anything.
Copy !req
638. Literally on the road,
in the studio...
Copy !req
639. Cos you are still all together.
We are, yeah. We must get onto cars.
Copy !req
640. We must get onto cars. Ah.
Copy !req
641. You live on the Pacific island
of Maui. I do. Yeah. OK.
Copy !req
642. You are a rock god,
an incredibly successful musician.
Copy !req
643. And you drive a...
Copy !req
644. My most cherished car
is an Austin 7.
Copy !req
645. And we... This is... We're not...
Copy !req
646. This is a picture of you with it
that we have here. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
647. How did you come by that?
Copy !req
648. Many, many, many years ago,
I probably was like 19.
Copy !req
649. A friend of mine had a flat
in Earls Court.
Copy !req
650. I get off the tube and there was
this little car,
Copy !req
651. I kept walking by it,
month after month after month,
Copy !req
652. and I fell in love with the car.
Copy !req
653. And one time I left a note
on the car, said,
Copy !req
654. "If ever you fancy selling this,
Copy !req
655. "I would love to give
this car a home."
Copy !req
656. And then about 18 months later
we happened to be starting
to do fairly well.
Copy !req
657. My mum, which was
the phone number I had left,
Copy !req
658. got a phone call from
the guy, who said,
Copy !req
659. "I'm moving and I want a home
for my little car." And I bought it.
Copy !req
660. And you've still got it now? Yeah.
Copy !req
661. But I presume that all the way
through these late '70s
Copy !req
662. and '80s, obviously, you were
in a limo, so where was that?
Copy !req
663. Well, that was part of those years
Copy !req
664. when you're not quite sure
what happened.
Copy !req
665. And I went with the band
to the United States,
Copy !req
666. which was probably 15 or 16 years.
Copy !req
667. Eric Clapton was
then my brother-in-law.
Copy !req
668. I said, would you look after - it
was called Lettuce Leaf. The car was?
Copy !req
669. By my children, it was Lettuce Leaf,
so it was always Lettuce Leaf.
Copy !req
670. He said, sure, we'll put
it in the barn, and that was it.
Copy !req
671. And years later, I got a call
from Eric's manager saying,
Copy !req
672. "Can we get rid of it?"
Copy !req
673. And I didn't realise it had
been in his orchard for 15 years
Copy !req
674. and was full of birds' nests,
had been out in the open.
Copy !req
675. It survived and they had it rebuilt,
Copy !req
676. and the next time I saw it
was in Maui, where I live,
Copy !req
677. and us car people, stupid sloppy
dates that we tend to be,
Copy !req
678. I sort of broke down
when I met her at the dock.
Copy !req
679. She was just there,
Copy !req
680. in Maui, and I went,
"How cool is that?" I love all that.
Copy !req
681. That's exactly what cars are.
To me, how fast they go
Copy !req
682. is sort of not relevant,
it's how you... Absolutely.
Copy !req
683. I got married to my first wife in
that car, and that was my only car.
Copy !req
684. Now, presumably, you can't drive
Lettuce Leaf all the time,
Copy !req
685. so what...? I have a 2004 twin turbo
Porsche that I like a lot.
Copy !req
686. And I had it all tarted up.
That's my main car.
Copy !req
687. Can you get it going in Maui?
Copy !req
688. It's only an island,
so there's only three roads, really.
Copy !req
689. But there is one that goes right
through sugarcane fields
Copy !req
690. and you can get up to about 130,
140 miles an hour in certain places,
Copy !req
691. which I confess that I do.
You just have, actually.
Copy !req
692. You just did do that.
And that's in the Porsche.
Copy !req
693. Have you actually ever done
any racing?
Copy !req
694. Only in the old days,
the wicked '80s and early '90s.
Copy !req
695. Anybody and everybody was doing it.
Copy !req
696. It was an excuse for another
party or something,
Copy !req
697. and we were all... Half of us
were stoned, most of the time.
Copy !req
698. So what was it like out there today?
Copy !req
699. Better than last week,
when it was snowing.
Copy !req
700. Well, I wasn't stoned,
so that's good.
Copy !req
701. Who would like to see Mick's lap?
Copy !req
702. Yeah!
Copy !req
703. Come on, mate. Oh, Lord.
Let's have a look. Oh, God.
Copy !req
704. Right. Now, you're a drummer,
Copy !req
705. and I always associate drummers
with being coordinated.
Copy !req
706. Don't stop, come on, come on.
Copy !req
707. Remember the damn song,
you played it for 40 years.
Copy !req
708. .."Thinking about tomorrow"!
First corner.
Copy !req
709. But you think drummers are going
to be able to get their hands
Copy !req
710. and their feet... This was not me,
right? Yep, it sure is. Into the mud.
Copy !req
711. That's pretty tidy.
Come on, don't pussyfoot it.
Copy !req
712. You don't want to go
too fast through there,
Copy !req
713. you'll just spin wide.
That looks quite tidy as well.
Copy !req
714. Glad I had those brown underpants on,
I can tell you that much.
Copy !req
715. What a beautiful looking day
out there it is today.
Copy !req
716. It's going to go wrong any second,
right? No, look at that! Bang on.
Copy !req
717. And up now towards
the follow-through.
Copy !req
718. Full power. Full power, yes, yes,
yes, yes. Power it. Power!
Copy !req
719. Come on!
Copy !req
720. Cut it, cut it. Yes. This is the
tricky one. And that is nicely cut.
Copy !req
721. And into Gambon...
Copy !req
722. And no big dramas there,
and across the line!
Copy !req
723. Now, that looked tidy.
But was it fast?
Copy !req
724. Whereabouts do you think you've
come? Oh, I dread to think. No idea?
Copy !req
725. I hope I'm not in the last 10.
You're not.
Copy !req
726. Because, Mick Fleetwood,
you did it in 1...
Copy !req
727. ..45.4. And that...
Copy !req
728. .. puts you...
Copy !req
729. .. between a wizard
and bassist in Blur.
Copy !req
730. Now, wait a minute. I always try
to look for some good news there.
Copy !req
731. How old are you?
If that's not... I'm 65. Yeah, 65.
Copy !req
732. So, you are, without any question
or shadow of doubt,
Copy !req
733. the fastest pensioner
we've ever had.
Copy !req
734. I've been looking forward to you
coming down ever since
Copy !req
735. we knew this series was coming back,
Copy !req
736. and it's just for me been
an enormous pleasure.
Copy !req
737. Ladies and gentlemen,
Mick Fleetwood!
Copy !req
738. Tonight we're driving across America
in three GT cars - the Lexus LFA,
Copy !req
739. the Aston Martin Vanquish,
and the SRT Viper.
Copy !req
740. So far, we have established
that none of them
Copy !req
741. is a match for a
GP modified Mitsubishi
Copy !req
742. and that all three have been
beaten by fighter planes.
Copy !req
743. So, nothing of any practical
value whatsoever.
Copy !req
744. But maybe that will
change in Los Angeles.
Copy !req
745. 'For a genuine, real-world test,
Hammond decided
Copy !req
746. 'we should head for one of the
city's famous storm drains.'
Copy !req
747. Tell you what,
Copy !req
748. I bet I can leave longer elevenses
in this then you can in yours.
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749. What, you mean black marks
on the road from wheel spinning?
Copy !req
750. Yes, wheel spinning starts,
leave elevenses.
Copy !req
751. I can do a longer elevenses than you.
No, you can't.
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752. I'll be the adjudicator.
You can be the adjudicator
Copy !req
753. because I'm going to demonstrate
something to you now.
Copy !req
754. Three, two, one and go.
Copy !req
755. I'd say that was a dead heat. Yeah.
Copy !req
756. 'So, Hammond suggested we should see
who could do the best doughnuts.'
Copy !req
757. Skid!
Copy !req
758. Doing a big skid now.
Copy !req
759. 'Many Hollywood scenes have been
filmed here over the years,
Copy !req
760. 'but none has ever looked or
sounded quite as bovine as this.
Copy !req
761. 'And none has ever caused
quite so much damage.'
Copy !req
762. Suggestions? I mean, running away,
obviously. That's where I was going.
Copy !req
763. Running away, really. How far should
we run away? Quite a long way.
Copy !req
764. And how soon? Now.
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765. I can't get my seatbelt on.
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766. Get in!
Copy !req
767. Running.
Copy !req
768. Running away.
Copy !req
769. Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
Copy !req
770. 'Lexus, this is Sonia,
where would you like to go today?'
Copy !req
771. Yes, hello, I've accidentally
painted a gentleman's sausage
Copy !req
772. on a storm drain.
Copy !req
773. Oh, my. I need to run away.
Copy !req
774. 'The lovely lady suggested Palm
Springs, which was 110 miles away.
Copy !req
775. 'So we settled down and thought
a little bit about our cars.'
Copy !req
776. Let's have a quick recap.
Copy !req
777. This Aston has
the most charismatic engine,
Copy !req
778. it's the most tasteful
and it was the least shot.
Copy !req
779. Ask yourself, honestly,
from watching this programme,
Copy !req
780. which of these cars you take if
you were to drive across America,
Copy !req
781. across Europe, across Siberia.
Copy !req
782. It doesn't matter. It's this one.
Copy !req
783. I said at the beginning
of this trip that I had a feeling
Copy !req
784. I might fall for the Viper, and
I have. It's won me over completely.
Copy !req
785. It doesn't have the aluminium accents
inside of the Aston,
Copy !req
786. or the computers of the Lexus,
Copy !req
787. but it's done everything
we've asked of it on this journey,
Copy !req
788. and it's done everything with its own
particular style, its own attitude.
Copy !req
789. And let's not forget, at a fraction
of the price of the other two,
Copy !req
790. this is the plucky underdog here.
Copy !req
791. If somebody were to offer me
a choice of any car that had
Copy !req
792. ever been made, ever,
I would take a dark blue LFA.
Copy !req
793. That's how much I love this thing.
I mean, yes, there are faults.
Copy !req
794. The petrol tank is too small, the
seatbelt is idiotic, and, joking
Copy !req
795. aside, I would like a cup holder,
but the rest of it is so exquisite.
Copy !req
796. I'm going to say it.
It's the best car I've ever driven.
Copy !req
797. It really is.
Copy !req
798. 'With all that sorted out,
Copy !req
799. 'we opened the taps
and headed into Palm Springs.'
Copy !req
800. Men bouncing a ball like
a netball. Like small girls.
Copy !req
801. The man is going to catch the ball
and then throw it.
Copy !req
802. And they score so many goals,
nobody reacts when they get a goal.
Copy !req
803. Because it happens every 35 seconds.
Copy !req
804. You can't really tackle someone,
can you?
Copy !req
805. Erm... Can they not take
the ball...? Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Copy !req
806. Haven't we finished?
Copy !req
807. "We think you should run away more.
Copy !req
808. "Tomorrow morning,
at precisely 8 o'clock,
Copy !req
809. "you will race to the border."
Copy !req
810. What border?
Copy !req
811. You're not going to like this.
Copy !req
812. "The last to arrive
will cross into Mexico...
Copy !req
813. ".. and spend a few days road testing
the Mastretta sports car
Copy !req
814. "for a forthcoming
item on the show."
Copy !req
815. The Mastretta is the one that
started a bit of trouble for us.
Copy !req
816. When we spoke about it
on the news on the show,
Copy !req
817. the Mexicans took an exception
to some of the things we said.
Copy !req
818. They hate us in Mexico. Don't want
to go to Mexico. No, they hate us.
Copy !req
819. 'We told Hammond
we'd get an early night.
Copy !req
820. 'But we didn't.'
Copy !req
821. Right, James and I have had
a bit of a discussion,
Copy !req
822. and we've decided that since
it was Hammond that caused all
Copy !req
823. the problems,
Hammond should lose this.
Copy !req
824. So what have you got in mind, James?
Copy !req
825. Well, what I've got in mind, Jeremy,
Copy !req
826. or rather in my pocket,
is a couple of bananas.
Copy !req
827. Because I've seen this in a film,
Copy !req
828. I thought we could put
a banana in the tailpipe.
Copy !req
829. A banana in the tailpipe.
Let's do it.
Copy !req
830. What this does is prevent
the car from exhausting
Copy !req
831. and the back pressure builds up
in the engine, and then it stops.
Copy !req
832. 'Annoyingly,
the Viper's exhaust was so big
Copy !req
833. 'we had to substitute the bananas
with a selection of other fruits.
Copy !req
834. 'And then Clarkson
had another idea.'
Copy !req
835. If we pop his seat
all the way back, yes?
Copy !req
836. It also has electric pedals,
this thing, yes?
Copy !req
837. So if we make the pedals go
all the way forwards,
Copy !req
838. the seat all the way back,
and then take the fuse out... Yes!
Copy !req
839. 'Having stolen the fuses
for the seat and the pedals,
Copy !req
840. 'we then disconnected two
of the V10's HT leads.'
Copy !req
841. He's got a V8 motor,
he's got... No pedal movement.
Copy !req
842. No pedal movement,
seat's fully back. That'll do.
Copy !req
843. 'At precisely 8:07 the following
morning, the race began.'
Copy !req
844. Get back! Get back!
Copy !req
845. The Lexus. The Viper!
The Lexus, the Lexus. It's there!
Copy !req
846. That's mine, that's mine.
Copy !req
847. Oh, funny! I can't...
What are you...?
Copy !req
848. Oh, no!
Copy !req
849. Oh, this seatbelt is going
to be the death of me.
Copy !req
850. Oh, nice(!) Thank you! Nice.
Copy !req
851. Just for the record, and in case
this goes terribly wrong,
Copy !req
852. I said I didn't like Mexican food,
and what I meant was,
Copy !req
853. I don't like refried beans
and cheese.
Copy !req
854. That's all.
It's all Hammond's fault.
Copy !req
855. Funny, funny, also funny.
Thank you(!)
Copy !req
856. Right, we live in a cartoon,
really(!)
Copy !req
857. That's not right.
Copy !req
858. The problem is that
Richard Hammond may be stupid
Copy !req
859. and a rampant racist,
but he is quite practical.
Copy !req
860. He'll have that car put back
together again in about five
Copy !req
861. minutes - it would take me a year.
Copy !req
862. Ah! It's an HT lead off.
Copy !req
863. One... two.
Copy !req
864. Right. I will kill them.
Copy !req
865. I'm going to kill them.
Copy !req
866. If the Mexicans don't, I shall.
Copy !req
867. 'As Hammond began
his hate-fuelled charge,
Copy !req
868. 'Jeremy and I were bogged down
in downtown Palm Springs.'
Copy !req
869. So, we've got a retirement
community, the rozzers up ahead,
Copy !req
870. there's nothing I can do.
40 miles an hour.
Copy !req
871. I lost, I don't know, 10 minutes.
Maybe more.
Copy !req
872. Jeremy's got to stop for fuel.
Copy !req
873. He'll never get that done
in under five minutes.
Copy !req
874. I have to hope James
gets lost or dawdles.
Copy !req
875. What's really unfair
about this race is that
Copy !req
876. I wasn't particularly rude about
Mexicans, I just made a small joke
Copy !req
877. about the Mexican ambassador
in London.
Copy !req
878. And I've been to see him,
I've apologised,
Copy !req
879. drunk quite a lot of his tequila,
and all is well.
Copy !req
880. But the Mexicans don't know that.
Copy !req
881. 'Once clear of Palm Springs,
we faced a choice.
Copy !req
882. 'Take the road to the east
of the Salton Sea, which was longer
Copy !req
883. 'but should be quiet, or go on the
freeway and pray it wasn't too busy.
Copy !req
884. 'I went for the freeway.'
Copy !req
885. Take me to victory, Aston Martin.
Copy !req
886. 'Whilst, stupidly,
Jeremy went for the longer route.'
Copy !req
887. 106 miles to the border
and my range is...
Copy !req
888. ..104.
Copy !req
889. Ohhhh.
Copy !req
890. So now I've got a choice.
Copy !req
891. Do I drive slowly and increase the
range, or drive fast and fill up?
Copy !req
892. That one.
Copy !req
893. I'm having him.
Copy !req
894. Jeremy can't be going this fast
on that mountain road, surely.
Copy !req
895. 'Sorry, James, it wasn't a mountain
road, which meant that once
Copy !req
896. 'more, thanks to editing trickery,
I could get up to 55 miles an hour.'
Copy !req
897. I'm in an American road movie now.
Copy !req
898. 'Feeling pleased with my choice
of route, I called Mr Angry.'
Copy !req
899. Hammond. You utter,
utter bastard. Where are you?
Copy !req
900. I'm on the east side, on the most
amazing road I've ever found.
Copy !req
901. Oh, God. Have you seen James?
Copy !req
902. No, I'm on the other road,
the other side of the water.
Copy !req
903. So he should be ahead of me
Copy !req
904. if he's gone this way, or... James
is on your side of the lake.
Copy !req
905. So he must be on this road then.
Right, I'm going to reel him in.
Copy !req
906. In fact, at this point,
we all had the hammer down.
Copy !req
907. 51 miles to go. 30 miles of range.
Copy !req
908. Come on, Aston. Where the hell
is Hammond? Is he catching me?
Copy !req
909. Right, 60 miles.
And no sign of James.
Copy !req
910. I'm just praying to see
a speck of blue up ahead.
Copy !req
911. I've got to be in front of Jeremy,
there's no way he can do it.
Copy !req
912. He's got to stop for fuel.
Copy !req
913. I don't know what that is,
but that's all it's having.
Copy !req
914. 'To find out what damage the fuel
stop had done, I called May.'
Copy !req
915. Clarkson. May, where are you?
Copy !req
916. I have got to the bottom of the lake
Copy !req
917. and I'm just coming
into the small town...
Copy !req
918. Oh, no, I think you're ahead of me.
Has Hammond caught you up?
Copy !req
919. Hammond is behind me,
but only by a few miles.
Copy !req
920. Argh! That means he's probably
ahead of me.
Copy !req
921. 'But the race wasn't done yet.
Copy !req
922. 'Because at the bottom of the lake
there were three routes to
Copy !req
923. 'the finish line in the border
town of Calexico.
Copy !req
924. 'And none of us had any idea
which would be the fastest.'
Copy !req
925. Jeremy will go on the 111.
He has to,
Copy !req
926. because he's come from that side,
he will get to that one first.
Copy !req
927. I get to the 86 first, but is it
quicker? I just don't know. Oh, God.
Copy !req
928. What would Hammond do?
Copy !req
929. Right, this road takes me straight
through Calexico to the border.
Copy !req
930. I think this is the quickest.
Copy !req
931. I think James has gone
a different route,
Copy !req
932. this is where I'm going to take him.
Copy !req
933. Please, God, don't let me be last.
Copy !req
934. A big drive-through dentist there,
hopefully Hammond will stop at that.
Copy !req
935. Four miles, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Copy !req
936. Coming into town now. This
all looks decidedly Mexican now.
Copy !req
937. Which is to say brilliant, very nice.
Copy !req
938. Oh, God.
Copy !req
939. Traffic lights.
Copy !req
940. Oh, God, and the rozzers
are behind me.
Copy !req
941. Fifth Street, yes.
Does it go to Mexico?
Copy !req
942. Where is the border crossing?
Copy !req
943. Can't get lost right now.
Mess it all up at the end.
Copy !req
944. Border, border, border.
Copy !req
945. You beauty!
Copy !req
946. May or Hammond,
which one is going to be eaten?
Copy !req
947. 'The answer came seconds later.'
Copy !req
948. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Copy !req
949. I don't care if you won -
is it just you here? Yep.
Copy !req
950. Ho-ho!
Copy !req
951. Oh, God, no. No.
Copy !req
952. Buenos dias!
Copy !req
953. Is that Mexico there?
That's the border there.
Copy !req
954. Look, it's very simple.
Goodbye. Bye, thank you so much.
Copy !req
955. You're in the United States
of America, land of the free.
Copy !req
956. There's a big fence, the other
side of it, everybody hates you.
Copy !req
957. Bye! Bye.
Copy !req
958. It's a bit like sending Paddington
Bear into a mincing machine,
Copy !req
959. there is an element of...
He looks quite tragic.
Copy !req
960. With that, back to the studio.
Copy !req
961. I think we can probably handle
a conclusion on our own.
Copy !req
962. Because the Aston Martin
and the Lexus were... Tremendous.
Copy !req
963. They really were, weren't they?
Copy !req
964. And the Viper was... Awful.
Awful, absolutely.
Copy !req
965. So there we are.
Copy !req
966. Now, we will be bringing you
a review of the Mexican Mastretta
Copy !req
967. sports car in a couple of weeks,
unless of course in the meantime
Copy !req
968. somebody finds a suspiciously white
tooth in their taco.
Copy !req
969. In which case, we will be showing
you a touching tribute to
Copy !req
970. the late broadcaster
Richard Hammond.
Copy !req
971. So, on that potential bombshell,
it's now time to end.
Copy !req
972. Thank you so much for watching,
good night.
Copy !req