1. Tonight, we get very cold and wet...
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2. I re-enact the Battle of Britain...
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3. Oh, nuts.
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4. And there's a Blur
in a reasonably-priced car.
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5. Hello. Thank you so much,
everybody. Thank you.
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6. We will begin with track days.
The idea behind them is simple.
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7. During the week, when there is no
actual motor racing going on,
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8. the owners of race circuits allow
people to rock up
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9. and spend the day
whizzing around in their own cars.
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10. This is now so popular,
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11. you can even buy cars specifically
designed with track days in mind.
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12. We decided to go down to the
Simply Sausages Donnington race track
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13. to sort out which one is best.
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14. This is the original track-day car
and, in my opinion, still the best.
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15. It's... the Caterham 7.
But it is no ordinary Caterham 7.
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16. This is the R500 Superlight.
It is less heavy.
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17. It has no frills, adornments,
garnish, apart from a few stripes.
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18. It is simple, pure.
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19. It is an unadulterated driving
experience and I absolutely love it.
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20. But - and this is a weird thing...
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21. Jeremy Clarkson believes he has come
up with something better.
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22. Woo-hoo!
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23. Yes, I have.
This is the KTM X-bow.
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24. Part insect,
part terrain-following missile.
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25. Wait a minute. What?
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26. I thought you were bringing that new
thing they were making in Cheshire.
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27. What, the BAC Mono?
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28. Yes. It broke down. Where did
it break down? In the factory.
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29. It broke down while
they were still building it?
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30. It really did.
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31. This is my second choice
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32. and, despite that, it is still
better than yours.
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33. Is it? Yes. Why is that then?
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34. Because yours is from the 1950s
and this is from this morning.
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35. Carbon-fibre panels, mid-engined,
pushrod actuated
double wishbone suspension.
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36. How much is it?
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37. 49,000. You see, £41,000
so it is cheaper. And it is better.
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38. This was fine in 1961. It is
not the same car any more.
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39. It has a better engine,
suspension, materials,
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40. it has been made slightly wider.
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41. 'At this point,
we were joined by our colleague.'
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42. What in the name
of all that's holy...?
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43. You see, if you want a car built
purely for fun, you want this.
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44. It is made largely from aluminium
which is mixed with wood,
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45. but that is the way Morgan
build their cards.
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46. Why does it have RAF roundels on it?
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47. It has been styled
to look like an aeroplane.
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48. It hasn't got wings!
It has aeroplane-style gauges.
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49. Why is the engine not in the car?
Because it is an air-cooled V twin.
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50. It needs to be outside
because that is where the air is.
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51. What's in there?
Oil tank. And the battery.
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52. I think, move to the back, Hammond.
I have another question.
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53. The question I am going to ask is
it doesn't have any back wheels.
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54. It has one in the middle, there.
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55. So it is a tricycle?
It is a three wheeler.
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56. It is reminiscent of the original
Morgan three wheeler.
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57. Ask me what it weighs.
What does it weigh? 495 kilos.
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58. Less than 500 kilos.
It is only half a car.
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59. If I sawed my leg off, I would weigh
much less than I do now.
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60. I would keep falling over.
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61. You could pick this up
and put it in your pocket.
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62. It looks like a coal scuttle.
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63. I have got to ask, how much?
With taxes and things? Yes. £30,000.
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64. £30,000?
It would be 40 if it had four wheels.
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65. Did you say it is made from wood?
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66. That's how Morgan build cars.
Traditional.
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67. I reckon if you went to Morgan and
said would you like some diphtheria?
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68. They'd say, "Yes,"
cos that's traditional.
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69. Wood is light and flexible
and endlessly renewable
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70. and an excellent material
to build cars from.
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71. People don't do it
cos you need craftsmen.
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72. You cannot have some oik pressing
a button and stamping them out.
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73. The Nissan GTR would be worse
if it was made of wood.
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74. The early aeroplanes were made
from wood but the Boeing 747 isn't.
There's no wood in it.
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75. Eventually, the producers told us
to stop arguing about wood
and get on with the first challenge.
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76. A simple straight-line race
from nought to 100 then back
to nought again.
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77. Sadly, this led to another dispute.
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78. What do you mean, "a Le Mans start"?
On go, we run to our cars, jump in,
start them and drive off.
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79. Running? It is not a school sports
day. Will you have an egg and spoon?
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80. It is two against one. Be ready.
Three, two, one, go.
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81. This is stupid.
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82. We could have been finished by now.
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83. Hammond has already begun.
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84. The 1.9 litre V twin!
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85. 'Sadly, my elderly colleagues were
struggling to get going.'
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86. Very complicated starting procedure.
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87. Mode.
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88. 'Eventually,
James was belted in place,
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89. 'a bit too tightly as it turned out.'
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90. Oh, bloody hell!
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91. Why don't you start?
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92. Stop saying ready to race!
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93. Out of pity for their incompetence,
I decided to abort.
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94. Can I make a suggestion? What?
We are here to test the cars.
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95. We're not here to find out who
is the fattest.
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96. Or which has the most
complicated starting procedure.
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97. Or whose belts are badly adjusted.
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98. Let's do it normally.
But with the Le Mans start, I won.
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99. Yes, but that is just
because you are the fittest.
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100. I won the Le Mans start.
Let's do an old man's version.
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101. Do I have to
have my feet on the break? Yes!
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102. I should be all right here. I have
the best power-to-weight ratio.
I have the fastest car.
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103. Sequential gearbox,
good view ahead.
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104. And three, two, one...
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105. Great start into second.
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106. Boy, did they get away!
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107. 100.
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108. Jeremy has stopped on the way.
I will have to go past.
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109. I am not sure that is miles an hour.
That might be fuel pressure.
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110. It was, so we went back to
the start line to try again.
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111. Three, two...
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112. No!
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113. James went on two.
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114. This is ridiculous.
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115. So we lined up
for attempt number four.
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116. How hard can it be for three grown
men to see which is the fastest from
nought to 100 then back again?
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117. Three, two, one.
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118. God!
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119. Why has that happened?
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120. Is that 100 already?
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121. 100.
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122. Why did he break so soon?
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123. Ow!
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124. As it turned out, James'
celebrations were premature.
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125. He had been reading his speedometer
in kilometres an hour.
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126. Oh, cock!
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127. Still, it could be worse.
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128. 95. Now there is a corner
and going to have to do... Oh!
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129. 70, 80, oh, a corner.
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130. This is impossible.
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131. James decided that rather than
do the test again,
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132. he would show his car
was the fastest using maths.
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133. I have a sheet of all the facts.
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134. Yours weighs almost twice
as much as mine. Yes. Hang on.
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135. He is still not doing 100.
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136. 75, 80, 85. Aah!
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137. Now the speedo has died.
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138. It has a better power-to-weight
ratio than the Bugatti Veyron.
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139. 517 horsepower per ton.
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140. I was forced to agree
with James' conclusions.
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141. So I came up with a new test.
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142. Cornering is everything and with
pushrod-actuated suspension,
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143. I will go round corners
faster than you can.
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144. And there is no arguing with that.
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145. There is, actually, because I
have had these photographs printed
and they are all
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146. photos of X-bows just after
they have done some cornering.
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147. That one is parked in a tree. It is
hanging from a crane near a tree.
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148. That is just outside a bend there.
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149. A ditch near a bend.
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150. Near a corner. Look at that.
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151. Even though there was evidence
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152. to suggest I would be killed
by a cornering test...
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153. Richard would not fare much better
either - the producer said
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154. we should see which car would be
fastest through the old hairpin.
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155. Because we were having
such trouble reading our speedos,
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156. they set up a police style
radar trap.
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157. Why is everything breaking today?
I do not know.
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158. Why doesn't that happened to
the police? It doesn't.
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159. The NHS computer would not work.
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160. There is a man who can
print out a receipt for us.
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161. He will tell us the cornering speed.
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162. With the speed equipment working,
I set off to disprove James'
photographic evidence.
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163. It is not just the pushrod-actuated
suspension,
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164. it's the tyres that will put me
in good stead.
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165. Very sticky tyres.
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166. I doubt he has a clue what
pushrod suspension is. No idea.
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167. And the time is? 69.419 miles an
hour. Is that good? I have no idea.
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168. Then it was James' turn.
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169. Listen to that. He has gone right
up nearly to the red light.
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170. Where does it go?
Yes, down here. Here we go.
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171. He went the right way.
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172. He was going the right way
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173. but did you see how far
he was from the apex?
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174. How fast was he? 59.
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175. What do we call him?
What's his nickname?
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176. Captain Quick.
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177. It isn't that.
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178. Finally, Richard took a brave pill
and stepped into the tricycle.
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179. I am so screwed here.
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180. The wheels! Those are not wide tyres.
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181. What do they do, the pushrods?
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182. Many things.
They must do something specific.
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183. They don't make the engine go.
What do they do in the suspension?
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184. Everything better.
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185. Suspension. Yes, yes.
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186. I have some.
Some there and some there.
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187. And a bit back there.
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188. More than that.
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189. They're better. Why?
They just are. Yes, but why?
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190. Many reasons.
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191. Come on, my little
three-wheeled friend.
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192. Here he comes. Doff your hats.
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193. Roll out the barrel.
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194. I am going to give it the full
Stirling Moss. Ya-a-ah!
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195. Did you see him
clinging on with his elbow?
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196. You could see the sinews
in his arm.
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197. The sound is from the 1930s.
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198. Did the picture go black
and white as he went past?
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199. Wow!
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200. Hammond, James' fastest time
was 59.8. Your fastest time,
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201. 60.4.
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202. Ha-ha! In the Morgan, well done.
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203. James and I had been greatly looking
forward to Richard's car
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204. falling over in the
cornering challenge.
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205. Since it hadn't, we quickly
came up with another idea.
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206. Doughnuts. We're going to see which
one of us can do the best doughnuts.
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207. It was James' idea.
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208. Are you trying to think of challenges
that you think my car can't do?
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209. Yes. No.
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210. The trouble is I didn't think
the X-bow would be much good either.
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211. I am not sure, with these tyres,
which are so sticky, that this
is going to work.
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212. It's like driving on superglue.
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213. You do it.
So he did and he was rather good.
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214. That is a doughnut.
James May doing a doughnut.
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215. That is like watching a vicar
play poker.
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216. Strip poker.
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217. Then came the moment we'd all
been waiting for.
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218. Ladies and gentlemen,
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219. sit back now and get ready
to laugh your ears off.
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220. As Hammond does a dough.
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221. It only has one wheel
so he can't do a full doughnut.
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222. How is that possible?
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223. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
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224. You didn't expect that, did you?
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225. It was a stupid test.
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226. Because I won.
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227. At this point,
we decided to abandon the tests
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228. and do what people
do on track days drive.
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229. This design may be
as old as Jeremy,
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230. but if you are interested in
the sensation of driving a car
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231. and everything that involves,
then you will love this.
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232. I know Jeremy's
blathering on about pushrods,
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233. but this has quite sophisticated
suspension as well.
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234. Fully adjustable,
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235. and let's not forget that Caterham
now is an F1 team.
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236. 'In fact, I had only one complaint
about my car.'
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237. Put a windscreen on it!
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238. Oh-ho-ho-ho!
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239. I was expecting it to be
quite sudden
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240. when you get to the limit,
but it isn't!
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241. It's remarkably forgiving.
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242. But if I've got one criticism
of this car,
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243. I'd say it's a bit... safe,
a bit soft.
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244. It's almost like they've edited it
to make it easy for everybody.
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245. I'm not entirely sure that this is,
strictly speaking,
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246. a track-day car as such.
But God, it's fun!
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247. I'm having more fun than I remember
having in a long time, actually.
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248. 0-60 in 4.5 seconds,
top speed 115mph.
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249. Two big pistons firing away.
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250. Ha-ha-ha!
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251. On a track day, of course,
there's always one absolute rule.
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252. No racing.
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253. Must get past James!
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254. Must overtake.
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255. Two-litre engine in that Caterham
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256. is the same basic unit you find
in a Ford Galaxy people carrier,
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257. whereas the two-litre turbo
in this is from a Golf GTI.
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258. It's just better.
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259. Right, now here's the problem.
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260. James has no spatial awareness
at all,
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261. so there's no way of knowing
what he's going to do next.
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262. What happens next?
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263. Oh, ha-ha!
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264. I might have gone off a bit there.
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265. Oh, ho-ho-ho!
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266. It is incredible to think
that today, you aren't allowed to
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267. smack a child or ask your dogs to
get rid of the rats in the shed,
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268. and yet you CAN do this!
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269. 100mph, probably.
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270. Just brilliant - you and your mates
just belting round
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271. indulging your passion for cars.
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272. 'And better still, it costs less
than a speeding ticket.'
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273. Anyway! How much fun was that?
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274. Loads!
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275. It was brilliant! You pay, what, 100
quid, and you get a day doing 100mph.
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276. Well, YOU don't.
Look, as a fun car, mine was best.
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277. Hang on a minute, Hammond.
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278. The idea was to find out which was
the best track-day car, yeah?
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279. And that was mine.
He's right, it was.
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280. What? No, it was. Mine...
I mean, I know it has
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281. pushrod activated suspension, which
moves the weight in-board and...
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282. What's the other thing it does?
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283. By adjusting...
No, I'm not interested.
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284. Er, despite all of that,
it feels a bit heavy
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285. and a bit predictable
and a bit boring.
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286. This is where the Morgan shines.
It is exciting and different
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287. and it vibrates as you drive it.
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288. Mm-hmm. Let me interrupt, if I may.
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289. Who here would like to see The Stig
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290. attempting to get that Morgan
round our track?
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291. Play the tape.
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292. And he's off. The single rear wheel
fighting for grip.
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293. Never seen anything as ridiculous as
that in my whole life. Looks great.
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294. Where's he going there?
Oh, he nearly lost it!
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295. But he's held it together.
Look at that!
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296. Yes, he's made it round
the first corner.
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297. There he is, looking terrified.
As he comes into Chicago.
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298. Oh, he's drifting it! He is actually
drifting it, you're right.
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299. Be interesting to see what happens
in Hammerhead. Here we are.
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300. That little 1.9-litre twin-cylinder
engine's got so much torque,
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301. they had to invent and fit something
called a radial deflection damper
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302. so it didn't lunch
the Mazda MX5 gearbox. Really.
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303. Yes. OK, well he must be
up to at least 45mph now.
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304. No, he's changing down for
the Follow-through, to maybe 40.
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305. Yeah, but he's having fun!
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306. Missing the dent there,
so he doesn't break his spine,
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307. if indeed he's got a spine.
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308. Whoa!
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309. Struggling to... He's missed
the apex there quite badly.
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310. Only Gambon to go - can he make it
round there without incident?
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311. Yes... no, wait! He's lost it!
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312. And across the line backwards!
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313. I have the times.
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314. Now, the Caterham, as we know,
cos it's been around before,
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315. did a 1:17.9.
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316. The X-bow we ran this morning,
1:27 dead.
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317. And the Morgan...
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318. 1:40...
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319. point 4,
which is the same as one year.
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320. It's pathetic.
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321. That is the fastest three-wheeler
we've ever had round our track.
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322. The only other three-wheeler
we ever had was the Reliant Robin,
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323. and he fell over in that in the
first corner. And that was faster.
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324. So there we are. The Morgan is
faster than a Reliant Robin.
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325. Anyway, we will be picking that up
again later on,
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326. so if you want to see us endure
the most dreadful misery,
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327. please stick with us.
But now, it's the news.
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328. Right, listen.
I have got a photograph of
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329. the replacement for the Ferrari 599,
here it is.
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330. It's called the F12 Berlinetta.
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331. It's smaller than a 599,
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332. which is a good thing, it's also
lighter and more powerful.
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333. It's got a 730-horsepower V12.
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334. Wow. 730! V12? V12!
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335. Are you not the same Mr So-Called
Jeremy Clarkson
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336. who on this programme
but a month ago,
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337. driving the Lamborghini Aventador,
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338. said, "This is the last
of the V12s. From now on,
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339. "all engines will have turbos
on them." You did say that.
I did say that.
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340. And now how do you feel?
Foolish. I did say.
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341. You were really unequivocal on that.
I was unequivocal, but I was wrong.
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342. Yes. For the first time since 1974.
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343. Now. Citroen has sent us
a picture of this.
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344. Now this is a sporty version
of the DS4,
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345. and I think it looks rather good.
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346. 256 horsepower
from its 1.6-litre turbo engine.
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347. Same engine as you get in
a Mini Cooper. It's not bad.
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348. I think that looks rather good.
I prefer this, though.
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349. This is the, er, Renault Megane 265,
which has got...
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350. 265 - let me guess how many
horsepower that's got. Have a go.
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351. Is it 312? No. Is it 8? No.
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352. What is it? 265. Is it? Yeah.
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353. It's quite a powerful car,
and it's got a clever diff,
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354. it has a cut chassis, it's got,
you know, stiffened springs,
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355. all that sort of thing.
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356. It's £26,000,
which is sort of Golf GTI money.
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357. I think that looks brilliant.
Except for the red brake callipers.
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358. What's wrong with
red brake callipers?
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359. How empty and shallow
and pointless and meaningless
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360. must your life be for you to say,
"Yes. I'd like red brake callipers"?
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361. I've got red brake callipers on my
Fiat 500 TwinAir. They look cute!
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362. They look great!
Why have you got them?
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363. When I bought it, the man said,
"Would you like red brake callipers?"
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364. And I said, "Yes, I would."
But Hammond, I was once in a pub,
and a man came up to me
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365. and he said,
"Do you want a smack in the mouth?"
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366. And I said no, because you can say
no! "Do you want some?"No!"
You see?
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367. Did you have to pay extra for them?
Yes. How much? £300.
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368. But they look great...! How'd you
explain that to your family?
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369. "I'm sorry, kids, we can't go to
Countrywide for our lunch this week
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370. "because Daddy's spent all the money
painting his brake callipers red."
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371. Hold on a minute. What?
He said they were £300.
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372. They won't be able to go to
Countrywide all year! Oi!
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373. Ooh, hey, listen. Hammond and I
went to Moscow last weekend.
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374. It wasn't a honeymoon thing. No,
more a spur-of-the-moment thing.
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375. We weren't hand-holding
or anything like that.
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376. There was some ice skating
going on in Red Square,
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377. we thought we'd go
and have a look at this.
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378. But there was...
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379. The only gap in the fence
where you could see, Audi,
Copy !req
380. as a marketing thing, had parked
a Q3 there, so we couldn't see.
Copy !req
381. So never mind, somebody told us
about this bar, OK?
Copy !req
382. So 12th-story bar, and it overlooked
the Kremlin and Red Square
and Basil's.
Copy !req
383. We thought big picture windows,
we'll have a look.
Copy !req
384. So we went all the way over there,
climbed up the top.
Copy !req
385. Now, Hammond took a picture
of the view we had - here it is.
Copy !req
386. It was another...
Copy !req
387. You can actually see
bits of the Kremlin,
Copy !req
388. but mostly you could just see
the stupid Audi Q3.
Copy !req
389. We hadn't gone to see that!
Copy !req
390. Somebody at Audi
has obviously thought,
Copy !req
391. "All these people are going to
these places to look at things,
Copy !req
392. "so let's have them look
at our cars!"
Copy !req
393. You are not joking.
Copy !req
394. I've got a photo here of the
players' tunnel at Old Trafford.
Copy !req
395. There you go. In the way!
Copy !req
396. Giggs and Pearce there - or
whatever his name is, that ginger.
Copy !req
397. But you can't see him cos there's
an Audi in the way! Exactly.
Copy !req
398. I've got another picture
of the Grand Canyon.
Copy !req
399. These are real pictures!
It's not just cars either.
Copy !req
400. Fancy having a look at the Sydney
Opera House? Here it is.
Copy !req
401. Oh, no! You can't see it, there's...
What are they doing?
Copy !req
402. We parked our boat in front of it!
What worries me
Copy !req
403. is how many views in the world
that they could still ruin.
Copy !req
404. Here's the Taj Mahal.
Copy !req
405. I've always fancied
seeing the Pyramids.
Copy !req
406. But you can't. There you are.
Copy !req
407. Or the scene from Basic Instinct.
There you go.
Copy !req
408. Once again, an Audi in the way
of what you actually want to see.
Copy !req
409. OK. A couple of weeks ago,
the three of us went motor-racing,
Copy !req
410. for something you'll see in next
week's show. I bring it up now
Copy !req
411. because I discovered while racing
against Hammond that he is actually
Alain Prost.
Copy !req
412. Really? You mean like
The Professor, calculating and...
Copy !req
413. No, not that, no.
Copy !req
414. What I mean is, when he has lost
the corner to a superior driver,
Copy !req
415. he tries to ram that driver
off the road.
Copy !req
416. I did not! You did! I remember
the corner. I rubbed you, at most.
Copy !req
417. You rubbed me like David Haye
rubbed that man in Germany.
Copy !req
418. That wasn't rubbing, mate! I ran
a bit... I leaned on you at most.
Copy !req
419. I ran a bit wide.
Now hang on a minute.
Copy !req
420. Because I wasn't in this race,
Copy !req
421. but I was watching it
from a grassy knoll, and...
Copy !req
422. I was! I think Hammond behaved
correctly. Thank you.
Copy !req
423. I did. There were on-board cameras
in his car,
Copy !req
424. so next week, we'll have a look
at the footage, and you'll see.
Copy !req
425. You're right,
the on-board footage will be key
to it, but I will be the steward.
Copy !req
426. I shall adjudicate.
Copy !req
427. I'm not having you judging. What?
You can't play a game of Monopoly
without cheating.
Copy !req
428. No, you can't. He did cheat
at Monopoly. I played these two
and he cheated!
Copy !req
429. We played for four hours
and you cheated! I did not cheat!
Copy !req
430. You ruined the game! You robbed
the bank! There was a...
Copy !req
431. There was a bank robbery.
You don't get those in Monopoly,
Copy !req
432. and I thought it would make it more
authentic if the bank was robbed.
Copy !req
433. You stole it! So you're a cheat,
a liar and a burglar!
Copy !req
434. If I'm going to use a judge
for this motoring incident,
Copy !req
435. I'm going to use Ofcom,
because they are wise.
Copy !req
436. Don't go there. Don't go there.
And you,
Copy !req
437. you are going to be shot
in front of your family.
Copy !req
438. Something, it turns out, you can say
on television. Oh, for God's sake!
Copy !req
439. Yeah, what you've done there, Jeremy,
is taken leg out of the bear trap,
Copy !req
440. turned round
and put your head in instead. Donk!
Copy !req
441. You're an idiot. Anyway, that is
the end of the news. Now,
Copy !req
442. matters more serious.
Copy !req
443. Back in the Second World War,
the Top Gear test track was home,
Copy !req
444. at one stage,
to a squadron of Spitfires.
Copy !req
445. And the skies above it
were a giant blue canvas on which
Copy !req
446. the brave airmen,
British and German,
Copy !req
447. could weave their feathered artistry
using contrails and phosphorous.
Copy !req
448. It must have been incredible.
Copy !req
449. Suddenly we heard
the drone of planes behind us.
Copy !req
450. Turned round and saw a line
of four fighters,
Copy !req
451. and tracer bullets
from machine guns and pom-poms
were cutting through the air.
Copy !req
452. There was beauty. There was death.
There was skill.
Copy !req
453. And then there was the soundtrack...
Copy !req
454. which today is back.
Copy !req
455. What you're listening to here
is a 46-litre BMW V12,
Copy !req
456. an engine that was originally used
Copy !req
457. to power the Heinkel He 111 bomber.
Copy !req
458. Only, as you can see here,
it's being used now to power a car.
Copy !req
459. The car they call the Brutus.
Copy !req
460. Well, when I say "car",
Copy !req
461. the chassis is actually taken
from a 1907 New York fire engine.
Copy !req
462. The chain drive from a machine
the Devil uses to rotisserie
Copy !req
463. those who displease him.
Copy !req
464. And the brakes, well, they exist
Copy !req
465. only really in the imagination
of the madman who built this thing.
Copy !req
466. A man so mad, he's going to let me
Copy !req
467. take his extraordinary creation
for a spin.
Copy !req
468. First, you pull on the fuel pumps.
Copy !req
469. These are these two buttons
above the ignition. Yep.
Copy !req
470. Then you have to pull out
this button. What's that one?
Copy !req
471. This is the decompression.
Oh, Christ, right!
Copy !req
472. And then you have to start with
the black button.
Copy !req
473. A little gas.
Copy !req
474. Whoa!
Copy !req
475. All the explosions are happening
on the outside of the engine.
Copy !req
476. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Copy !req
477. 'Almost immediately, Brutus began to
spit hot oil into my face.'
Copy !req
478. Aaah! What was that?
Copy !req
479. 'And that was
just the start of my problems.'
Copy !req
480. Oh! There's so much torque and so
little grip from the rear wheels,
Copy !req
481. that if you even go near the
throttle, you get massive wheelspin.
Copy !req
482. Look at that.
Oh, this is so complicated!
Copy !req
483. All the controls
are on the outside of the car
Copy !req
484. and the pedals
are the wrong way round.
Copy !req
485. It's like trying to do
a crossword puzzle
Copy !req
486. while you're being eaten by a tiger!
Copy !req
487. No brakes, nothing. No.
Copy !req
488. No point using the brakes,
they don't work.
Copy !req
489. Turn! Turn, you brute!
Copy !req
490. No, that's the wrong pedal!
Copy !req
491. Yes, that's the throttle,
that's good.
Copy !req
492. Basically, this is Sodom
and Gomorrah with a steering wheel.
Copy !req
493. That's what it is.
Copy !req
494. 'Plainly, then, putting an aeroplane
engine in a car is idiotic.
Copy !req
495. 'Or is it?'
Copy !req
496. 'To the casual observer,
this looks like a '20s Bentley.
Copy !req
497. 'A car that won Le Mans four times.
Copy !req
498. 'A car Ettore Bugatti called
"the fastest lorry in the world". '
Copy !req
499. 'But actually, it
was built last year,
Copy !req
500. 'in Devon, by a man called Bob.'
Copy !req
501. He and his little team
hand-crafted the aluminium body
Copy !req
502. and the wooden frame.
Copy !req
503. The chassis is from a 1930
Rolls-Royce Phantom, and the brakes?
Copy !req
504. Well, they're big modern discs,
which are needed,
Copy !req
505. because of what's under the bonnet.
Copy !req
506. 'In essence, that's
the same 27-litre V12
Copy !req
507. 'that you would find
in the front of a Spitfire.'
Copy !req
508. Right. 64 litres of coolant
Copy !req
509. and 54 litres of engine oil
are now circulating and warming up.
Copy !req
510. What a thing.
Copy !req
511. Here we go.
Copy !req
512. We've got a gear there.
Copy !req
513. 'It may have modern brakes
and power steering
Copy !req
514. 'and an automatic gearbox,
but from behind the wheel...'
Copy !req
515. God Almighty!
Copy !req
516. 'It feels about as modern
as James May's shoe-cleaning kit.'
Copy !req
517. What I'm doing now is driving.
Copy !req
518. In a modern car you just sit there
and things happen. Not in this!
Copy !req
519. Massive sensory overload
as you drive around in it.
Copy !req
520. And towering above everything
is the knowledge
Copy !req
521. that up there under that bonnet
is the engine from a Spitfire!
Copy !req
522. Putting a Spitfire engine in a car
Copy !req
523. is like putting a whole
Jolokia chilli in a boiled egg.
Copy !req
524. You're going to notice.
Copy !req
525. And you do.
Copy !req
526. You really do!
Copy !req
527. They say it has a top speed
of 160mph.
Copy !req
528. 'But can it really be faster
than the insane Brutus?
Copy !req
529. 'Time, I think, for a drag race.'
Copy !req
530. So. England vs Germany. Again.
Copy !req
531. Three, two, one... Scramble!
Copy !req
532. Here we go. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
533. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Copy !req
534. He's got 750 horsepower,
I've got 650.
Copy !req
535. My car weighs three tons,
his weighs 2.4.
Copy !req
536. He's got 46,000CC,
Copy !req
537. I've only got 27,000. But look!
Copy !req
538. Of course, it could be down to
the skill of the Tommy pilots.
Copy !req
539. 'So what about manoeuvrability?
What about the corners?
Copy !req
540. 'Well, let's cue the music
and find out.'
Copy !req
541. Ahoy! I am Robert Shaw,
and once again, Dunsfold is
Copy !req
542. echoing to the sound of
an Anglo-German dogfight.
Copy !req
543. At this precise moment
Copy !req
544. I would gladly swap my automatic
gearbox for eight Brownings.
Copy !req
545. Da-ga-da-ga-da-ga!
Copy !req
546. Truth be told, this was a walkover.
Copy !req
547. The Brutus won't stop
and it won't corner.
Copy !req
548. Come on, Jerry!
Copy !req
549. Whereas the Bentley will.
Copy !req
550. Come on! Oh, yes.
Copy !req
551. This is a car
you really have to drive.
Copy !req
552. You have to take it
by the scruff of the neck.
Copy !req
553. You steer it using the throttle.
Copy !req
554. If you want to get the back end out,
there's only one way to do so,
Copy !req
555. and that's to give it a bootful
of power. There you go.
Copy !req
556. This is one of those cars
where the greatness is measured
Copy !req
557. only in the diameter
Copy !req
558. of the driver's testicles.
Copy !req
559. I love this thing. I love it!
Copy !req
560. The fact is,
the Brutus was built for fun,
Copy !req
561. to be a fairground attraction.
Copy !req
562. It's just the Germans displaying
their usual sense of humour.
Copy !req
563. The Bentley though is typically
British. It's much more serious.
Copy !req
564. It's also exquisitely finished.
Copy !req
565. The map light, for example,
is from a Lancaster bomber.
Copy !req
566. The aviator's rear-view mirror
Copy !req
567. incorporates an altimeter
and an air temperature gauge.
Copy !req
568. This isn't a toy or a fairground
attraction. It's a real car.
Copy !req
569. It even has squidgy carpets.
Copy !req
570. And it's road legal. You could,
says Devon Bob, use it every day.
Copy !req
571. If you did do that, I can imagine
there might be one or two issues.
Copy !req
572. It's very cold in here.
Copy !req
573. I'd imagine it's very hard to park
and it is quite conspicuous.
Copy !req
574. It wouldn't really work if you were,
say, a private detective.
Copy !req
575. People are going to notice you
following them.
Copy !req
576. Then there's the fuel consumption.
Copy !req
577. Realistically, it's going to do
two miles to the gallon.
Copy !req
578. Three at a pinch.
Copy !req
579. And filling the tank
would cost £420.
Copy !req
580. Plus there's the cost of buying
the thing in the first place.
Copy !req
581. It's £500,000.
Copy !req
582. The thing is though,
if you have that kind of money,
Copy !req
583. you could put it in the bank
and get half a percent interest
Copy !req
584. and wake up every morning terrified
that the bank had gone bust.
Copy !req
585. Or you could spend it
on one of these.
Copy !req
586. Frankly, that's the easiest decision
you'd ever have to make.
Copy !req
587. No, hang on.
Copy !req
588. I'm not sure it is
the easiest decision.
Copy !req
589. You know that Eagle E-Type Speedster
we had on the show last year?
Copy !req
590. Yeah? That's half a million quid
as well. So which would you have?
Copy !req
591. I'd still have this, I'm afraid.
It's very you.
Copy !req
592. It's very desirable.
Copy !req
593. I know what you mean but I think
I'd rather have the Eagle.
Copy !req
594. It's very close. That's magnificent.
Anyway, that's by the by.
Copy !req
595. Now it's time to find out how fast
both these magnificent machines
go round our track,
Copy !req
596. which of course means handing them
over to our tame racing driver.
Copy !req
597. Some say that he stores
all his shoes and his cassette tapes
Copy !req
598. on the motorway central reservation.
Copy !req
599. And that since he can easily
stay quiet for two hours,
Copy !req
600. he's wondering why
he didn't win an Oscar!
Copy !req
601. All we know is he's called
The Stig!
Copy !req
602. And they're off.
Copy !req
603. Popping and spluttering away
from the line,
Copy !req
604. fuelled by fire
and lashings of hot brimstone.
Copy !req
605. Moving at a stately pace
up to the first corner.
Copy !req
606. Brutus is sliding.
Copy !req
607. Stig actually has to look through
the steering wheel of that thing.
Copy !req
608. Not a problem since he can also
see through walls... and clothes.
Copy !req
609. OK. Coming through Chicago,
not looking fast
Copy !req
610. but still rather splendid
all the same.
Copy !req
611. So down now to the Hammerhead.
This could be interesting.
Copy !req
612. The thing we've had on the track
this week basically has pram wheels.
Copy !req
613. Both got a bit of a drift on.
Brutus is smoking.
Copy !req
614. Is Jerry hit?
Copy !req
615. No, it's just that massive engine
expressing its fury.
Copy !req
616. OK, follow-through.
A chance to really open them up.
Copy !req
617. Stig knows this sound well
from when he was a Spitfire pilot.
Copy !req
618. Look at that. There they go!
Copy !req
619. This does beg the question,
if the Bentley is capable of 160,
Copy !req
620. how long would you need
to get there?
Copy !req
621. Coming to the second to last corner.
Still going nicely.
Copy !req
622. Two cathedrals going
through that there!
Copy !req
623. And here we go across the line.
Copy !req
624. I have the times here.
Copy !req
625. The Brutus did it
Copy !req
626. in 2:02.5.
Copy !req
627. So that's down there,
second to last.
Copy !req
628. 16 minutes in front of
the pedal-powered Porsche.
Copy !req
629. The Spitfire Bentley, 1:50.3.
Copy !req
630. So 10 seconds faster and amazingly
slower than Hammond's tricycle,
Copy !req
631. which is staggering. What?
Copy !req
632. Before we go on.
Is that actually a supercharger?
Copy !req
633. It's an oil cooler
made to look like a supercharger
so it looks like a Blower Bentley.
Copy !req
634. So this isn't a supercharged engine?
No, it isn't.
Copy !req
635. But a Spitfire's Merlin
was supercharged. But this isn't.
Copy !req
636. Then that's the Meteor - the same
engine but the land-based version.
Copy !req
637. Yes. The un-supercharged one.
Yes. And this obviously...
Copy !req
638. Once again, we don't have time
for your lecture
Copy !req
639. on all aeroplanes since 1941!
Copy !req
640. I'm sorry but we do have to put
a star in our reasonably priced car.
Copy !req
641. Now, my guest tonight has
a farm in the Cotswolds
Copy !req
642. where he makes cheese and yet
weirdly he's been chosen to headline
Copy !req
643. the closing concert at this year's
Olympic Games.
Copy !req
644. Ladies and gentlemen,
from Blur, Alex James!
Copy !req
645. Have a seat.
Copy !req
646. Now, first of all... I need coffee.
My heart is beating like a train.
Copy !req
647. That is absolutely terrifying.
Being on the track?
Copy !req
648. Oh, man. The Stig said just relax.
Copy !req
649. Sit in a steel cage with a crash
helmet on and drive really fast...
Copy !req
650. And relax! Easy-peasy lemon squeezy.
Copy !req
651. I wanted to begin by congratulating
you heartily
Copy !req
652. on your Lifetime Achievement Award.
Copy !req
653. Thank you very much!
Copy !req
654. At the BRITs.
It must have been something else.
Copy !req
655. Well, it was utterly magnificent
to get back together
Copy !req
656. and smash those songs out again.
Copy !req
657. Were you aware while up on stage,
banging out tunes,
Copy !req
658. that ITV had gone through
the credits
Copy !req
659. and we were watching an advert
for panty liners and the news?
Copy !req
660. Did anyone see that?
Were you watching the BRITs?
Copy !req
661. They just cut it.
How many songs did we miss?
Copy !req
662. No idea.
I was just up there rocking.
Copy !req
663. They cut you off. I wanted to
watch Blur but we couldn't.
Copy !req
664. Of course you are getting back
together because of the Olympics.
Copy !req
665. The Olympics Closing Ceremony
Celebration Concert
is its full name.
Copy !req
666. That's in Hyde Park?
Copy !req
667. Yes. It's not the Olympics.
It's sort of a people's version.
Copy !req
668. Nobody managed to get tickets
for the Olympics, have they?
Copy !req
669. Who else is playing?
Copy !req
670. We've got The Specials and New
Order. All our favourite bands.
Copy !req
671. That's going to be August 12th
and it's all sold out
Copy !req
672. and we have a new song to unveil.
You have a new song?
Copy !req
673. Yeah. I listened to it this morning.
It's like a hymn, a real tearjerker.
Copy !req
674. Fantastic. Look forward to that.
Copy !req
675. It all began, your show business
career, when you were a Scout.
Copy !req
676. It did, in a Gang Show.
I had to dress up as Big Brownie.
Copy !req
677. It was quite a big part.
It was actually very good training.
Copy !req
678. If you dressed up as a Brownie
in front of everyone,
you're not scared of Jeremy Paxman.
Copy !req
679. How was the scoutmaster?
He did film it.
Copy !req
680. He what?
He filmed you as a Brownie?
Copy !req
681. A little bit, yeah.
I never saw the film.
Copy !req
682. Obviously after you'd been a Brownie
Copy !req
683. you did hit the show business life
hard with Blur.
Copy !req
684. Well, I think things
were different in those days.
Copy !req
685. It gives you everything you want
when you're young,
Copy !req
686. being in a kick-ass
rock 'n' roll band.
Copy !req
687. Lots of travel, lots of girls,
lots of booze.
Copy !req
688. What was that birthday party
in Mexico that I read about
in your first book?
Copy !req
689. Go to bed, kids.
Copy !req
690. Now!
Copy !req
691. Yeah, your children.
Copy !req
692. You go to bed while Daddy tells us
all about his birthday party.
Copy !req
693. Where was it? Mexico?
Yeah. Great food in Mexico.
Copy !req
694. This is like Hammerhead.
I'm looking for the exit!
Copy !req
695. How far into your career with Blur
was it
Copy !req
696. that the fans discovered
that your first love was cheese?
Copy !req
697. Oh, before... I mean...
Copy !req
698. They presented it to me
in hotel lobbies. Fans did? Yes.
Copy !req
699. It was well known. I was well known
for enjoying cheese.
Copy !req
700. In Smash Hits it said
"Alex likes cheese".
Copy !req
701. It was like the one word thing
to describe me. Cheese? Cheese.
Copy !req
702. Yeah. I mean, they threw it
at me in Japan,
Copy !req
703. where it comes in tins!
Copy !req
704. I'm not here to plug your book but
it's all Cheeses Great And Small,
yeah? Yes.
Copy !req
705. You paint this fantastic picture
of becoming a farmer,
which is what you now are.
Copy !req
706. I guess it's a love story, really.
Copy !req
707. I was very much a man of the city
and a nocturnal creature.
Copy !req
708. Then I met a girl, fell in love with
her and we got married very quickly
Copy !req
709. and thought it would be
a really good idea to buy
a farm on our honeymoon.
Copy !req
710. So we basically got married
and moved to a farm
Copy !req
711. at the exact point
that Blur disintegrated.
Copy !req
712. I very quickly realised I didn't
know very much about farming.
Copy !req
713. How's it gone? Well?
I absolutely love it.
Copy !req
714. So many musicians do end up
living on farms.
Copy !req
715. It's sort of natural habitat.
Copy !req
716. The toys are quite good.
You get a tractor.
Copy !req
717. I haven't got a tractor. I've got
a mini digger that's a Cabriolet.
Copy !req
718. It has an open cab. I had a dumper
this weekend, a three-foot dumper.
Copy !req
719. £96.25. What? For the weekend,
including VAT.
Copy !req
720. You really have got
into the whole thing.
Copy !req
721. Your car history, that's not
so brilliant, looking into it.
Copy !req
722. What are you talking about? Come on!
Copy !req
723. Tell the ladies and gentlemen
what your first car was.
Copy !req
724. It was a chocolate-brown Austin
Copy !req
725. Allegro estate!
Copy !req
726. There's another word for that
kind of brown as well.
Copy !req
727. And the first three letters
of the registration were URD
Copy !req
728. and it was known as
the Turd Machine!
Copy !req
729. And it is the best car
I have ever, ever had because...
Copy !req
730. This is going to be the longest
"because" in history.
Copy !req
731. No, because of what it gave me.
Copy !req
732. As a teenager, it's freedom, it's
romance, it's somewhere to smoke.
Copy !req
733. You're absolutely right. After Blur,
you got rid of the Allegro?
Copy !req
734. Yes. Doing world tours, you spend
so much of your time in airports.
Copy !req
735. It's hard to describe. Well, it's
easy to describe! Many hours a day.
Copy !req
736. If you're in Belgium today,
Frankfurt tomorrow,
Copy !req
737. Lucerne the day after,
it's a lot of airports.
Copy !req
738. The drummer and I
went halves on a Cessna.
Copy !req
739. You went from an Allegro to
an aeroplane? Yeah! Half a Cessna.
Copy !req
740. Sounds quite glamorous, maybe,
but it was like a flying Allegro.
Copy !req
741. It wasn't posh. It didn't even
have a GPS. It was amazing.
Copy !req
742. How do you navigate?
Copy !req
743. A longwave radio that
picks up Morse code signals.
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744. So you can do Morse code?
Uh-huh. That's A!
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745. Is it? Don't tell James.
You'll be here for a week.
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746. We've established it was Allegro.
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747. Allegro, half a Cessna. Half
a Cessna, which was like an Allegro.
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748. After that, well, I've got a van
now, a black van. Five kids. Nice.
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749. A van? It's a black Mercedes Viano.
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750. It's got eight seats, which is
room for five kids and Granny.
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751. TV screens? No, not TV screens.
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752. I think it's really important
for children to get bored in cars.
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753. That's how I really got into music,
listening to the top 40 in the car
on a Sunday afternoon.
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754. But no TV screens for the kids?
Oh, deary me, no. No.
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755. I rang you last night to see
if you were ready to come down
and do this show
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756. and you were playing this track
on a computer game.
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757. I couldn't get it in time. Oh, no!
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758. I wanted to do it on the Xbox.
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759. How did you prepare to do this,
then? I just had six cups of coffee!
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760. Who would like to see Alex's lap?
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761. Yes!
Let's have a look.
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762. Play the tape and here we go.
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763. Once again, we're off.
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764. This is how we get the groceries in,
in my house!
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765. Actually, where are you going?
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766. Braking, accelerating, turning in,
all manner of things.
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767. Oh, dear. Too wide.
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768. Bit too wide but not too bad.
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769. Oh, nuts!
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770. Now that is wide! Yeah, you could
catch a bus to the Apex there.
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771. Second week on the trot
we've had somebody singing
their way round the Hammerhead.
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772. Just about kept it in the lines.
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773. Tortured tyres. Poor old Cee'd.
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774. Come on. Let's rock, baby. Woo hoo!
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775. Follow-through. Were you flat out
through there? Yes. Good.
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776. Were you flat out through there?
Yes, yeah. That's hairy.
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777. Excellent. Avoiding
the uncomfortable bump
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778. and into the second to last corner.
Wobbly on the way in... Oh!
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779. I'm afraid I have to explain this.
We allowed the lap this week
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780. to be edited by ITV...
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781. so we'll never know
what happened at the end.
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782. So, anyway, um... I've got the time,
don't you worry about that.
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783. Where do you think
you've come on the board?
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784. It was wide, it was noisy,
it was... It was wide and noisy
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785. and a lot of tyre squeal,
which indicates
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786. the tyres are making a noise
rather than getting you going.
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787. Yeah, I... You know,
I think, bottom half, but...
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788. Near Bob Geldof,
that's comfortable. Al Murray.
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789. Near Bob Geldof, that's a 1.48.
OK, well, Alex James you did it...
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790. in 1...
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791. 45... Ooh.
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792. Point 2, so you're way ahead
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793. of where you thought
you were going to be!
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794. You are, in fact...
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795. level with Cameron Diaz.
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796. So, just tell us...
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797. is there going to be an album?
Tell us, tell us...
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798. No, there's not. Just this one song
that you're going to be performing
at the Olympics?
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799. Well, well done for that,
for the lifetime achievement award
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800. and of course, most of all,
well done for that.
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801. Ladies and gentlemen, Alex James.
Thank you.
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802. Now,
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803. earlier on, we found out
which of these...
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804. the £30,000 Morgan three-wheeler,
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805. the £40,000 Caterham R500,
or the £50,000 KTM X-Bow...
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806. made the most convincing
track-day car.
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807. Thing is, if you're going to
spend that much money on a car,
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808. you want it to do something else.
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809. Can they? For instance,
could you use them to go to work?
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810. We decided to find out.
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811. Getting to work would involve
going from London
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812. to just south of Guildford.
It's about 40 miles.
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813. Right.
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814. Now, as we know, once a man
is past the age of 28,
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815. he may not, under any circumstances,
drive through a built-up area
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816. with the roof down
on his convertible car,
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817. but I have no roof.
I have no choice.
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818. And what I'm saying to onlookers is,
"Driving is my hobby,
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819. "I'm very keen on it."
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820. And that's a bit like a keen angler
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821. going to work in some waders.
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822. The difficult thing
about driving a Caterham
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823. in slow-moving traffic like this
is not the clutch,
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824. or the gearbox
or anything like that.
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825. It's that you feel a...
A bit of a berk, if you're honest.
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826. I mean, a lot of people
will be driving past
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827. and their children will be saying,
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828. "Daddy, why's that man's car's
windscreen fallen off?"
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829. Morning, Jason. You all right?
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830. Obviously, I know everybody
in Hammersmith.
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831. I feel some people may be
making character judgements
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832. based on the RAF roundels
and pretend bullet-holes,
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833. scantily clad ladies
adorning my three-wheeled car.
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834. The fact is, I'm not really
a fighter pilot,
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835. nobody has ever shot bullets
at this car, they're just stick-on.
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836. Ah. Speed humps, let's...
Woo-hoo! Ooh, yeah.
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837. The front two wheels, sort of,
went either side of it,
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838. but the middle wheel at the back...
Eurgh... puts me out a bit.
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839. Eurgh.
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840. Just outside London, we met up at
a service station to compare notes.
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841. Is this the worst trip to work
you've ever had? Not so far.
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842. Mine's the most embarrassing.
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843. If you were going to work today
to a factory that you owned
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844. to lay off ALL of the staff...
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845. my car would not be the car
to make that journey in.
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846. Or, "I'm going to have to tell that
patient the news is not good."
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847. Or if you were a funeral director.
No. No, no.
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848. "I'm very sorry about your loss."
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849. 'Since we were in no hurry
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850. 'to get back on display
in the rush hour traffic,
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851. 'I decided to kill some time
with a little challenge.'
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852. If you can start that car
with that key,
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853. I will give you this crisp £10 note.
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854. How long have I got?
Long as you like. Take a week.
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855. It can't be that hard. There'll be
an immobiliser button somewhere.
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856. So, is there a hole for this key?
Oh, yes.
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857. Right. So, they'll have...
Let's think about this.
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858. They'll have put it somewhere...
Does it go in there? What, like that?
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859. I seriously want to try
and do it. Yeah. Yeah.
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860. I think THAT'S going to have
something to do with it.
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861. Well, it does. It says,
"Ignition on." Right. Hang on.
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862. Stopwatch, lights...
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863. Horn.
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864. Cold.
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865. Let's face it...
Have you got the clutch? Yes.
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866. So, I think "mode"... No.
Could have something to do...
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867. But that does set the ignition.
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868. No, there's another button
in there which is ve... Yeah!
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869. So, that button says start,
but that could be a trick.
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870. It IS a trick. Now press "stop".
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871. A-ha! Right.
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872. So you press "stop" first...
Yes... and then "start"?
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873. "Mode".
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874. Oh, this is idiotic.
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875. It's perfectly straightforward.
Ignition on,
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876. key in, press "stop"
till there's a clonk.
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877. Press "mode" once it says,
"Ready to race,"
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878. then put your foot on the clutch,
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879. then the brake FULLY down,
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880. THEN press start, then it begins.
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881. The "stop" being
the button to start it, is,
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882. with the best will in the world,
a bit misleading.
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883. And a mad starting procedure
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884. is only one of many things wrong
with Jeremy's X-Bow.
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885. The turning circle's just shocking.
Oh, God.
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886. Come on!
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887. By the time we were back on the A3,
the weather had changed.
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888. No! No, it's raining!
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889. It's hurting my face. It's agony.
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890. Ow! Ow, ow, ow!
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891. Ow and mega-ow!
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892. Oh, God. I need a hat or some...
Oh, Jesus wept.
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893. My right hand is completely frozen.
It's just a claw.
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894. Also, there are holes in the floor
behind the pedals,
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895. and all the air, and the wind,
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896. and the rain is going up
my trouser legs.
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897. Also, rain is running off
my jacket into my lap.
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898. None of these things
are good news for my genitalia,
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899. which has run away.
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900. If you're watching, Caterham...
Heater.
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901. And windscreen!
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902. 'BBC London, 94.9...'
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903. 'And finally, the weather. It's not
looking good out there, I'm afraid,
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904. 'with a maximum temperature
of just one degree Celsius,
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905. 'and the rain is expected to get
heavier as the day goes on.'
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906. Oh...
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907. I am going to have treble pneumonia.
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908. There's going to be
no doubt about that.
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909. 'We were all so miserable,
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910. 'we decided that even
shopping would be preferable.'
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911. I just hope I can still
do the seatbelts up.
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912. What? Oh, my seat's wet.
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913. Chaps.
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914. Are you on motor-bicycles?
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915. Are they KTM motor-bicycles?
Two of them are.
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916. Can I just say, KTM is the stupidest
company in the world? Well said.
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917. That is ridiculous.
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918. Right then. Oh, wow.
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919. Look, it's Douglas Bader-Meinhof.
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920. Come on, then. Let's get on with it.
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921. 12 more miles of abject misery
and then I can pretend
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922. I've never heard the words
"KTM", "cross" or "bow."
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923. Oh... I've been coming to work
now down here for ten years.
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924. I've never had to stop and buy
another outfit on the way,
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925. I've never been so miserable.
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926. Urgh.
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927. OK, this is getting heavier now,
and it is becoming less pleasant.
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928. It wouldn't make a very good
wedding car for winter weddings.
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929. That's another thing
it wouldn't be good for.
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930. One of the other advantages
of the traditional car windscreen
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931. is that you can have
windscreen wipers on it. I just...
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932. It'd be nice to be able to see.
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933. And here we are. At work.
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934. Frankly, I wish it was the gallows.
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935. Oh, bloody hellfire.
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936. The bit of your face that's exposed
has gone all funny.
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937. It's got mud and bits of stones on
it. You know when you find a potato
Copy !req
938. that's been in the bottom of
the fridge for a while?
It's rotted your face off.
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939. My job, from now on,
is to drive cars with roofs.
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940. And with that, back to the studio.
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941. Did you tell him about your claw?
Yeah, my hands. My face was a claw.
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942. I had three claws.
Anyway, can I just say,
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943. for around the same
sort of money as the KTM,
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944. you could have a BMW M3,
which is a good track-day car.
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945. It is also good
for taking you to work,
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946. taking the kids to school,
going to the supermarket,
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947. it has a roof, has a heater,
has a windscreen, has windows.
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948. It is amazing that we
have reached a point
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949. in the development
of our civilisation
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950. where you can buy a car
that does only one thing.
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951. Yes, I know what you mean.
My Morgan, it turns out, is brilliant
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952. for taking one friend
to the pub on two days in June.
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953. The Caterham is superb for blasting
around Simply Sausages...
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954. No, no. Everywhere else
in the world, all racetracks,
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955. they're called the Tag Heuer
or the Red Bull
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956. but Donnington is sponsored
by Simply Sausages
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957. and it is very good
at getting round it.
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958. It is brilliant at Simply Sausages,
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959. and yours is frankly peerless
at making you look like a cock.
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960. Oh, it's brilliant. It is.
What we've got here are three cars,
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961. they're like Swiss Army knives
where there's only one attachment,
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962. and it's that prong for getting
a stone out of a horse's hoof.
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963. That's all they are, and on that
bombshell, it is time to end.
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964. Thank you for watching,
see you next week. Goodnight.
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