1. Hello!Copy !req
2. Hello and welcome
to a Top Gear special,Copy !req
3. which tonight comes to you
from South America.Copy !req
4. Yeah. The brief was simple. Each
of us would be given a pittance.Copy !req
5. And we were told we could
buy any car we likedCopy !req
6. from a second-hand car
website in Bolivia.Copy !req
7. Yeah. And the only bit of advice
we got, rather worryingly,Copy !req
8. was that it would be best if we
chose a car with four-wheel drive.Copy !req
9. We were then told we would
be united with our carsCopy !req
10. somewhere around here in
a place called Spidertown,Copy !req
11. right in the middle
of the Amazon Rainforest.Copy !req
12. These are the views that
greeted us from our helicopter.Copy !req
13. Except they're not,Copy !req
14. because the helicopter
booked for us had crashed.Copy !req
15. That meant we had to
borrow these picturesCopy !req
16. from Bruce Parry's programme...Copy !req
17. and go to the start
point in a boat...Copy !req
18. utterly bewildered by everything.Copy !req
19. Look at that purple tree!
The butterfly's more amazing.Copy !req
20. No, the purple tree's the best. No! The butterfly was the size of a bat.Copy !req
21. Another crocodile over there.Copy !req
22. It's not a crocodile,
it's a lump of wood.Copy !req
23. Bird! Bird!Copy !req
24. We're close to the Equator. We'revery close. Perhaps we're on it!Copy !req
25. No, we'd see a big dotted line.Copy !req
26. 'And we weren't the only
fish out of water. 'Copy !req
27. It jumped in the boat!
It jumped in the boat!Copy !req
28. In the boat!I've got it with my knife!Copy !req
29. Ha-ha! Is that a piranha?Copy !req
30. It's not a piranha,
they're long and thin.Copy !req
31. They're not! No, they're not! They are! They're short and fat!Copy !req
32. Oh, that's sharks.Copy !req
33. 'Eventually, the boat dumped the
three worst explorers in historyCopy !req
34. 'on a bank,
in the middle of nowhere...Copy !req
35. 'and left. 'Copy !req
36. Have we just been abandoned here
to die? Whoa-whoa! What is it, what?Copy !req
37. Are those zips? Well,
they're outdoor trousers.Copy !req
38. You can unzip the bottoms? Yes!Copy !req
39. I'm sorry, on the kit front, chaps...
James, what's all this?Copy !req
40. This is my belt of many things.
What is that? Don't touch it.Copy !req
41. That's a dental healthcare kit.
What's this? Don't touch it!Copy !req
42. That is a shoe-polishing kit.Copy !req
43. What?Copy !req
44. A shoe-polishing kit! Thank God for that If
we get hungry, we can eat his Kiwi boot polish!Copy !req
45. Basically, what you've done is buy a "My First
Explorer" kit, put it on your belt... Don't touch it.Copy !req
46. 'Hammond then revealed
a little secret. 'Copy !req
47. So all these insects, where are they?Copy !req
48. Why, are you frightened of insects?Copy !req
49. Yeah. Are you? Yeah. Really?Copy !req
50. Don't mess about. Seriously,
I am. It's a phobia.Copy !req
51. It's like you and heights.Copy !req
52. It's not you're scared of
falling off, it's a phobia.Copy !req
53. You are scared of heights. This is the same, it's a phobia.Copy !req
54. I just don't... What's yours? Phobia? Manual labour, you know that.Copy !req
55. That's not a phobia,
that's bone idleness.Copy !req
56. Rubbish! That's not a clinical
thing, that's just cos you're lazy.Copy !req
57. 'Since we didn't know what to do,
we just sat down and did nothing. 'Copy !req
58. I'm sure there's spiders in here,
there will be. Shh.Copy !req
59. What?Copy !req
60. Is that... Uh-oh... in harmony with nature?Copy !req
61. Stop playing ethnic tunes. Boys...Copy !req
62. Cars.Copy !req
63. 'Plainly, there had been
a terrible mix-upCopy !req
64. 'because one of the cars
on the raft was a little Suzuki.Copy !req
65. 'None of us would
have been that daft.Copy !req
66. 'But then we remembered...
James was with us. 'Copy !req
67. 1.3 litre... 1.3 litre! Wine bar specials.Copy !req
68. Famous for being able to stay
on their own four wheels...Copy !req
69. No, no, no. Falling over.Copy !req
70. I presume then the Land Cruiser,
by power of deduction, is yours.Copy !req
71. Yes, it is. Correct choice,
everyone will agree.Copy !req
72. And you have, if my eyes are not
deceiving me, a Range Rover.Copy !req
73. The best 4x4, by far, as we know.Copy !req
74. I had one of those. Yeah, classic. I had one as well. Yeah.Copy !req
75. Did yours ever... work? No.Copy !req
76. How is that raft steering itself?Copy !req
77. There's a little boat
behind it, look.Copy !req
78. 'The driver of the little boat pushed
the raft vaguely near the bank... 'Copy !req
79. Right. Well, we can get... No,
don't do that, we need to get it...Copy !req
80. '.. and then went home. 'Copy !req
81. Is that him just gone? Yep.Copy !req
82. Oi! You haven't parked it!Copy !req
83. 'We tried to pull the raft nearer to
the bank but it was very difficult. 'Copy !req
84. Heave! It's not moving!Copy !req
85. 'So we gave up. 'Copy !req
86. That's it, lads.
Up the gang plank.Copy !req
87. Ow! There's a thing there.Copy !req
88. We are good. It's like literallybeing with Livingstone... Yeah.Copy !req
89. and...Copy !req
90. THEY LAUGHCopy !req
91. Do you want a hand up? Help! Probably quite painful!Copy !req
92. It was. Don't worry, I'm all right.Copy !req
93. 'Eventually, even
Indiana Clarkson was on boardCopy !req
94. 'so we could get our first look
at what we'd boughtCopy !req
95. 'from the Bolivian classifieds. 'Copy !req
96. Notoriously long-lived,
sturdy, reliable, small, agile.Copy !req
97. What does it say in the advert
in the Bolivian Auto Trader?Copy !req
98. I'll tell you what it did show in
the picture. That it was blue.Copy !req
99. THEY LAUGHCopy !req
100. Did it say, in the advert, that all
four tyres would be pumped up?Copy !req
101. No. HE LAUGHSCopy !req
102. Oh, bloody hell. We did buy these long distance.Copy !req
103. 'The only thing saggier than
my tyre was Hammond's roof.Copy !req
104. It wasn't always
a convertible, was it?Copy !req
105. No, it's been converted
to a convertible.Copy !req
106. It's been converted by someone
who is A, of Spanish descentCopy !req
107. and B, a communist.Copy !req
108. It's a tasty car all round.
I'm very pleased.Copy !req
109. I like the see-through...Copy !req
110. I like this. The window's not here,
it's here and there's no winder.Copy !req
111. I don't need one, it's hot.Copy !req
112. 'To demonstrate what fools
the others had been,Copy !req
113. 'I showed them the beating heart
of my mighty Ranger Rover. 'Copy !req
114. Behold, gentlemen, the 3.9 litre V8 engine. Ahem.Copy !req
115. 3.9, yeah? 3.9. They had injection,
didn't they, Hammond, the 3.9?Copy !req
116. Yes. All of them were fuel-injected.Copy !req
117. What are those on top?Copy !req
118. I believe they're carburettors.
They look like carburettors.Copy !req
119. BLEEP. They ARE carburettors. They are carburettors, yeah.Copy !req
120. That can't be a 3.9, mate,
that's a 3.5!Copy !req
121. It said in the advert is was a 3.9!
It said mine was blue.Copy !req
122. OK, so there's some issues.Copy !req
123. You'll be opening
the bonnet a lot. I won't.Copy !req
124. You will! That's what killed these
off, globally. Why does everywhere,Copy !req
125. all over the world, anywhere difficult
and inhospitable use a Toyota Land Cruiser?Copy !req
126. First Aztec bird we come across,Copy !req
127. she'll make a bee-line
for me in this.Copy !req
128. Yeah, OK.Copy !req
129. 'We could've continued arguing,
but we had to leap ashore... 'Copy !req
130. 'Well, come on, then. 'Copy !req
131. '.. Because our challenge
had arrived. 'Copy !req
132. Thank you very much.Copy !req
133. OK. It says, "You are in Bolivia.Copy !req
134. "And you will drive to the Pacific
Ocean, which is 1,000 miles away. "Copy !req
135. So we have to go 1,000 miles. There's a jungle in the way.Copy !req
136. And the jungle would
just be the start of it,Copy !req
137. because on our journey we'd have
to negotiate active volcanoes,Copy !req
138. utterly lifeless deserts and
perilous mountain passes.Copy !req
139. But before all that, we had
to get our cars off the raft.Copy !req
140. Which, as you can plainly see,
would not be easy.Copy !req
141. Clearly!Copy !req
142. Oh, come on!Copy !req
143. 'Trying to move the raft
soon led to a problem. 'Copy !req
144. Holy moly!Copy !req
145. I am sinking.Copy !req
146. Yeah. It's getting deeper! Pull yourself out.Copy !req
147. I cannot pull myself out. Every time the bubbles come out,Copy !req
148. you go in deeper. I know!Copy !req
149. That's brilliant! Oh, God, no.Copy !req
150. THEY LAUGHCopy !req
151. As I sank into the ooze,Copy !req
152. my colleagues became
increasingly concerned.Copy !req
153. His plums are in the Amazon, look!
THEY LAUGHCopy !req
154. Go and get a rope or something,
just to tie around my waist.Copy !req
155. All right, we'll get something.Copy !req
156. 'Eventually, and rather reluctantly,Copy !req
157. 'they decided to pull me out
with my Range Rover. 'Copy !req
158. Hammond! Yes! What are you bloody doing?Copy !req
159. You want a proper knot,
don't you? No!Copy !req
160. Just any old knot.Copy !req
161. Will it start?Copy !req
162. ENGINE STALLSCopy !req
163. Oh.Copy !req
164. ENGINE STALLS
Start!Copy !req
165. You brought the wrong car.Copy !req
166. ENGINE STARTS
Ah-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
167. Backwards!Copy !req
168. Pull. Pull.Copy !req
169. You coming up? Yes! Oh, yes!Copy !req
170. Ow! Say when.Copy !req
171. All right. Here we go. Yes.Copy !req
172. Ow, my arm parts. Is it loose enough?Copy !req
173. Yes. Stop, stop, stop.Copy !req
174. Stop. So, as we can see,
my car's best.Copy !req
175. Well, it didn't let you down there,
when it really mattered.Copy !req
176. 'Trying to move the raft
had resulted in nothing moreCopy !req
177. 'than some muddy tide-marks
on my trousers. 'Copy !req
178. My jeans are ruined!Copy !req
179. And so, with half the day gone,
we had to come up with a new plan.Copy !req
180. You know, in the Second World War,
when a submarine was grounded?Copy !req
181. When it had hit the bottom?Copy !req
182. They used to get the crew to run backwards and
forwards and it would sort of shuffle it along.Copy !req
183. Are you suggesting
we run backwards and forwards?Copy !req
184. No, no, no! Use the cars.Copy !req
185. If we go right
to the back of the boat,Copy !req
186. that weighs the back down
and lifts the front up.Copy !req
187. We then charge forward. The act of
doing that will shuffle the boatCopy !req
188. nearer to that bank. That's a good idea!Copy !req
189. 'All we needed to do, then,
was back our cars up a bit. 'Copy !req
190. Oh, no. Hammond! Has anybody got any jump leads?Copy !req
191. Seriously? You're joking. It won't start.Copy !req
192. Just want to get this
completely clear again.Copy !req
193. Range Rover - starting, working
well. Already saved a man's life.Copy !req
194. Land Cruiser - broken down.Copy !req
195. Oh, smoke! Smoke, smoke, quite a lot
of smoke. Something's on fire!Copy !req
196. The starter motor's burn out.Copy !req
197. 'Despite using the
correct technique,Copy !req
198. 'Hammond couldn't
get his car going. 'Copy !req
199. It's on fire again!Copy !req
200. And so, with the sun sinking,
I offered to help.Copy !req
201. Why don't we simply attach it
to the back of the Range RoverCopy !req
202. and I'll you a pull from here?Copy !req
203. Because I'd rather drown myself,
but, yeah, it's... All right!Copy !req
204. What's that noise?Copy !req
205. Insects! Massive insects. Millions of them.Copy !req
206. Just hurry up, quickly! All right, move forwards.Copy !req
207. Mind your head!Copy !req
208. 'As the light faded, we lined upCopy !req
209. 'for the most ambitious
jump-start in history. 'Copy !req
210. And... stop.Copy !req
211. Three, two, one, go!Copy !req
212. Sorry! What did you do that for?Copy !req
213. My breaks aren't very good!
Did it work? No.Copy !req
214. Try again!Copy !req
215. What happened? Nothing.Copy !req
216. And... stop.Copy !req
217. Three, two, one, go.Copy !req
218. Try again! That's the good thing
about Range Rovers,Copy !req
219. they can do this all night.Copy !req
220. Yes, yes. When this thing starts,
it'll brilliant.Copy !req
221. 'The morning light
revealed our progress. 'Copy !req
222. Sitrep... Everything we tried
in the night didn't work.Copy !req
223. But we have found peanuts.Copy !req
224. 'Rather embarrassingly,
James then discovered something. 'Copy !req
225. These planks are longer than that one
you've been falling down constantly.Copy !req
226. If you get in here and
grab the other end...Copy !req
227. Are they long enough to...?
Two together will.Copy !req
228. 'Soon, we had a ramp and our first
car was ready to disembark. 'Copy !req
229. Watch the long-haired man.Copy !req
230. Let's see his back wheels on.
Don't stand there.Copy !req
231. Do you want us to help you?
You're all right.Copy !req
232. You're all right this side.Copy !req
233. You're all right.Copy !req
234. Yes!Copy !req
235. Oh! Four-wheel drive! It is
four-wheel drive, you half-wit.Copy !req
236. Well, why are the front wheels
not doing anything?Copy !req
237. Don't tell me they don't work.
Try again! Say when...Copy !req
238. OK! It's not good!Copy !req
239. That's stuck now.Copy !req
240. 'The whole weight of James'
three-wheel drive SuzukiCopy !req
241. 'was resting on our ramp.Copy !req
242. 'So we had to build another one. 'Copy !req
243. You're all right. Right.Copy !req
244. Range Rover, British engineering,
don't let me down.Copy !req
245. To the left.Copy !req
246. Poo is coming out.Copy !req
247. Here we go!Copy !req
248. Now that's what I call
four-wheel drive!Copy !req
249. Having rescued a man from the ooze,Copy !req
250. the mighty Range Rover would now
rescue the Suzuki.Copy !req
251. There's only an ounce to pull.Copy !req
252. Please be gentle with this,
Jeremy, and not a yob.Copy !req
253. Power!Copy !req
254. Got him. Stop, stop, stop!Copy !req
255. Yes, that's it!Copy !req
256. What a pillock!Copy !req
257. 'I then lined up
to pull the brakeless,Copy !req
258. 'powerless Toyota down the ramp. 'Copy !req
259. We were supposed to be
averaging 100 miles a day.Copy !req
260. So far, we've done, well,
I've done, about 20 feet.Copy !req
261. Ready?Copy !req
262. No. Right, he's ready. Gently.Copy !req
263. Oh, dear God.Copy !req
264. Go.Copy !req
265. Ha, ha, ha!Copy !req
266. 'Finally, we were all off the raft.Copy !req
267. 'And, as a reward, the producers
gave us a box of thingsCopy !req
268. 'to help us survive
the perils that lay ahead. 'Copy !req
269. Chainsaw. That's good, that's useful.Copy !req
270. What is this? I know what
that is, that's a winch.Copy !req
271. Some rubber tubing.Copy !req
272. Durex. Condoms? Vaseline.Copy !req
273. Tampax... and...Copy !req
274. Viagra. I know we're gonna
be in the jungle together,Copy !req
275. but that's a bit extreme. What
kind of party are they planning?Copy !req
276. 'We loaded up
the Ann Summers box... 'Copy !req
277. '.. jump started Hammond's car... 'Copy !req
278. Yee-ha! Is that working? Now you're gonna see!Copy !req
279. Go! Fire it up! Jungle!Copy !req
280. '.. and got cracking. 'Copy !req
281. 'The jungle was a worthy adversary. 'Copy !req
282. Oh!Copy !req
283. 'But, for hour after hour,
we battled our way through. 'Copy !req
284. Do you want more?Copy !req
285. This is the marker!Copy !req
286. Rainforest. Shit. Good job!Copy !req
287. Guys... I left my phone down
by the river.Copy !req
288. Oh, God.Copy !req
289. Dipstick. I'm going
to have to go and get it.Copy !req
290. Just wait here, I'll go get it.Copy !req
291. Take care.Copy !req
292. Oh! Oh, mate. Finally,
we are making progress.Copy !req
293. Hammond! Yeah?Copy !req
294. Did I leave it on that rock?Copy !req
295. No, it was on the stump I tied
the raft too. Just by the rock.Copy !req
296. OK, got it! OK.Copy !req
297. Got it. Good. Let's move!Copy !req
298. Now we're making progress,
let's keep up the momentum.Copy !req
299. 'Soon, we found a logging trackCopy !req
300. 'where finally we could
get to know our cars. 'Copy !req
301. Time to find out what
is working on my Range Rover.Copy !req
302. All these dials in the middle
made by Smiths - so, no.Copy !req
303. Speedo, no.Copy !req
304. The Range Rover was designed by
a man called Charles Spencer-King,Copy !req
305. who was, no question, a genius.Copy !req
306. Unfortunately, it was
then made in the Midlands,Copy !req
307. just "that'll do".
Everything was "that'll do".Copy !req
308. An UNBELIEVABLE piece of design,
ruined by minkies.Copy !req
309. That said, however,Copy !req
310. I seem to have bought the only 1980s
Range Rover in the world that works.Copy !req
311. Given that Land Cruisers are
legendarily reliable and bulletproof,Copy !req
312. this one isn't.Copy !req
313. Oil pressure gauge, not working.
Temperature gauge, not working.Copy !req
314. Fuel gauge... dunno.Copy !req
315. Brakes not working.Copy !req
316. That makes this one more special.Copy !req
317. I have bought the only malfunctioning
Land Cruiser in the world.Copy !req
318. And it is unique and therefore
probably priceless.Copy !req
319. 'Sure, my Suzuki only
had three-wheel drive,Copy !req
320. 'but I wasn't going to let that
tiny detail spoil the day. 'Copy !req
321. You're probably looking at
this Suzuki and thinking,Copy !req
322. "It's small and comical, it's a toy
off-road, it's for hairdressers,"Copy !req
323. And all the rest of it, but I'll
tell you what it is - it's plucky.Copy !req
324. It's a bit like Finland in the war.Copy !req
325. Look at Jeremy's Range Rover
lumbering alongCopy !req
326. this great, heavy beast of burden.Copy !req
327. this is like a little mountain goat,
it just skips along. 'May?'Copy !req
328. Talk of the devil. Hello.Copy !req
329. Just to let you know, one of your
rear lights is hanging off,Copy !req
330. but it's OK, I can mend it for you
with a small Phillips on my belt.Copy !req
331. The voice there of the missing
member of Van Halen.Copy !req
332. 'Darkness fell,
but the temperature didn't. 'Copy !req
333. How can it be this hot at midnight?
How's that possible?Copy !req
334. 'Hammond, however, had more to worry
about than the heat. 'Copy !req
335. Ow! What the BLEEP is that?Copy !req
336. There's something in here
squeaking at me, I'm... Oh, ho!Copy !req
337. Bleurgh! Ah!Copy !req
338. Oh! OH! What is that?Copy !req
339. Oh! BLEEP.Copy !req
340. I can't stand that! I can't stand
that! I've gotta get out!Copy !req
341. 'Blashford-Hammond insisted
we made camp,Copy !req
342. 'where, to cheer him up,
I read him some bedtime stories. 'Copy !req
343. This is a book about
all the creaturesCopy !req
344. that live in the rainforest
that Mr Sting hasn't told us about.Copy !req
345. Would you like to hear about the...Copy !req
346. Brazilian Wandering Spider?Copy !req
347. Not really, no.Copy !req
348. "Causes around five human
fatalities a year...Copy !req
349. "lives on the forest floor. "Copy !req
350. SCREECHINGCopy !req
351. What is that?Copy !req
352. Head torch. I'm looking for...
What's it called? Wandering Spider.Copy !req
353. Ooh, the botfly.
Now, this is a marvellous thing.Copy !req
354. "The botfly cannot
sting a human directly,Copy !req
355. "but catches smaller insects,Copy !req
356. "lays its larvae upon them
and then releases them.Copy !req
357. "If the smaller, host insect
then bites the human,Copy !req
358. "the botfly larvae are
impregnated into the skin.Copy !req
359. "The larvae then pupates
inside the skin,Copy !req
360. "at which point they EAT their
way out and fly away.Copy !req
361. "The BBC Natural History Unit
reports the case of a manCopy !req
362. "who was bitten behind the ear
and kept awake at nightCopy !req
363. "by the sound of the botfly larvae
eating the flesh inside his head. "Copy !req
364. 'Hammond didn't have a good night. 'Copy !req
365. What's that?Copy !req
366. Argh! Argh!Copy !req
367. Stick insect!Copy !req
368. There's big things on my head!Copy !req
369. Oh, what is that?Copy !req
370. There's something just flew in my
hair and it's squeaking at me!Copy !req
371. It's big! It's really...Copy !req
372. 'And, to be honest, he didn't
have a great morning either. 'Copy !req
373. Who has done this?Copy !req
374. 'To get away from the creepy-crawlies,
I sought refuge in my car. 'Copy !req
375. OK. Guys?Copy !req
376. Ooh. There is a snake in your car.Copy !req
377. He's coming up here.
He's coming up here.Copy !req
378. It's known locally as
"the big vicious killer snake. "Copy !req
379. Thanks.Copy !req
380. Our raggedy convoy hit the trail
with Hammond still moaning.Copy !req
381. Who's got my trouser-leg?Copy !req
382. Has your trouser-leg gone missing?Copy !req
383. 'We soldiered on with the Range Rover up front,
forging a path through the dense jungle. 'Copy !req
384. Look at it - rescuing other cars,
ploughing through here.Copy !req
385. My sweat being soaked up
by the floor!Copy !req
386. But soon, the strain of point duty
began to show.Copy !req
387. This is now smelling hot, this car.Copy !req
388. I can smell Jeremy's Range Rover from back here
- it smells of imminent failure.Copy !req
389. 'I was right. 'Copy !req
390. Range Rover's just stopped working.Copy !req
391. That honestly wasn't very funny three
series ago and it's not funny now.Copy !req
392. I'm not doing it on purpose. No, I
haven't got any brakes. That's how I stop.Copy !req
393. Oh, no. Oh... No.
James, it's over-heated.Copy !req
394. What a rotten bit of luck.Copy !req
395. Missing! Broken!Copy !req
396. Your fault, because I have been
forging a path through this stuff.Copy !req
397. Bamboo has gone into it and broken my
fan and now my engine's overheating.Copy !req
398. The plucky Brit has wounded itself
helping you out.Copy !req
399. Your plucky British car has been
defeated by... What was it? Bamboo?Copy !req
400. How did it get in there? What kind of design is it if
a piece of bamboo can get in there and break the fan?Copy !req
401. Bamboo?Copy !req
402. Without this,
would you still be on the boat?Copy !req
403. Yes, you would. Yes. You would still
be on the river-bank.Copy !req
404. This is the hero of the day.Copy !req
405. We passed the time by bickering
until the engine had cooled down.Copy !req
406. I love the V8 rumble. Nice.Copy !req
407. It's very mighty.Copy !req
408. ENGINE STARTSCopy !req
409. Yes!Copy !req
410. The mighty Spitfire is down,
but not out.Copy !req
411. 'We battled on through
the undergrowth. 'Copy !req
412. There, that's a gear.Copy !req
413. We did that
without breaking anything.Copy !req
414. Whoa!Copy !req
415. 'Eventually, Hammond
and May stopped. 'Copy !req
416. Sorry!Copy !req
417. Because we had reached
a small gully.Copy !req
418. That's pretty steep.Copy !req
419. What?Copy !req
420. That's a bit of a gully, I think
they call it. I'm just going todrive down and out the other side.Copy !req
421. No. You can't.Copy !req
422. What is the biggest strength
with the Range Rover?Copy !req
423. The wheel hits the bottom
before the front of the car.Copy !req
424. If you look at a Porsche Cayenne
or your car,Copy !req
425. there's about 18 feet of car
in front of the wheels.Copy !req
426. This car cannot do that.
It won't make...Copy !req
427. I'm going down. You two, stand back.Copy !req
428. Watch and learn.Copy !req
429. If you believe something
will happen, it will happen.Copy !req
430. Low range. That was reverse.Copy !req
431. Pointless handbrake off.Copy !req
432. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
433. Oh, brilliant.Copy !req
434. Yeah, so you're now stuck in a whole.Copy !req
435. Just lock the diffs. Just...Copy !req
436. You great, dozy,
woolly-haired pillock.Copy !req
437. It needs to be winched out. I knew that a while back.Copy !req
438. 'I fired up the winch on my Suzuki. 'Copy !req
439. James, winch me up.Copy !req
440. Is it moving?Copy !req
441. It's coming. It's trying hard.Copy !req
442. Come on.Copy !req
443. It is coming free.Copy !req
444. Uh, guys? Oh, my God. Uh, James. It won't stop.Copy !req
445. That didn't work.Copy !req
446. Go on, then. Drive it out. It won't drive out. It just won't.Copy !req
447. 'Mystic Hammond was right. 'Copy !req
448. That nearly worked.Copy !req
449. 'At last, my Toyota
could regain some dignity.Copy !req
450. 'First pulling out the Suzuki
and then the idiot's Range Rover. 'Copy !req
451. Whoa! I'm hanging.Copy !req
452. Look at my little donkey
pulling the Range Rover out.Copy !req
453. 'We realised we'd have
to build a bridge,Copy !req
454. 'which made one of us very excited. 'Copy !req
455. I am the god of hellfire.Copy !req
456. Has he got a chainsaw?Copy !req
457. CHAINSAW STARTSCopy !req
458. Oh, yes!Copy !req
459. Oh, God!Copy !req
460. 'We set about building our bridge.Copy !req
461. 'And since James had the lightest car,
Jeremy and I decided he should go first. 'Copy !req
462. I declare this ready, steady, strong.
Get in your car and drive over.Copy !req
463. Left!Copy !req
464. Looks like your back wheels
are beautiful, actually.Copy !req
465. I think you're about right
from this side.Copy !req
466. 'What James really needed at this point
was clear instructions from us two. 'Copy !req
467. If anything, a little bit left.
Little bit left, James.Copy !req
468. I'm sorry. On this side,
I would say, not left.Copy !req
469. Left or right?Copy !req
470. James, what I'd do
at this point is power.Copy !req
471. Maximum power.Copy !req
472. You're going to need to engage...
There you go. There you go.Copy !req
473. ENGINE REVSCopy !req
474. Now, we're talking.Copy !req
475. 'Eventually, the three-wheel drive
Suzuki made it.Copy !req
476. 'So then, as night fell,
it was Jeremy's turn,Copy !req
477. 'in the much heavier
and much wider Range Rover. 'Copy !req
478. Whoa!Copy !req
479. Left hand down. Think of it as going
on the outer log on this side.Copy !req
480. It's not looking goodfrom where I am. No, I imagine not.Copy !req
481. I can't see the back wheel.Copy !req
482. It's all right. Keep going... I think.Copy !req
483. You're about to touch down.Copy !req
484. Nice work! Oh.Copy !req
485. God almighty, that was scary.Copy !req
486. 'As I lined up, it was almost
completely dark. 'Copy !req
487. Hammond, I'm afraid,
we simply can't see anything.Copy !req
488. We don't know.Copy !req
489. Left a bit. This is quite frightening.Copy !req
490. Stop.Copy !req
491. Oh, I've got no brakes!Copy !req
492. Hang on. Hang on.Copy !req
493. Come on.Copy !req
494. Right, you've got the front wheels
on, mate.Copy !req
495. Make it so. Let's see
if it can make this verge.Copy !req
496. Lovely.Copy !req
497. Oh, that feels good. Ha!Copy !req
498. 'We drove on through the night with the charms
of the rainforest starting to wear quite thin. 'Copy !req
499. It is extraordinary
if you think about it.Copy !req
500. In South America, there are
no elephants, kangaroos,Copy !req
501. lions, hyenas, honey badgers.Copy !req
502. There's nothing interesting at all.
It's all just insects designedCopy !req
503. to make you have a debilitating,
agonising death.Copy !req
504. I'd love to know
how hot this engine is.Copy !req
505. Very is what I'm thinking.Copy !req
506. 'So when we made camp that night,Copy !req
507. 'I decided to cut
some vents in the bonnet. 'Copy !req
508. Jeremy, my car's on fire.
Well, put beer on it.Copy !req
509. There's a fire extinguisher
in the car.Copy !req
510. You set my car on fire.
I haven't got my glasses.Copy !req
511. Pull the bloody pin out.
You burned my Toyota!Copy !req
512. Thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
513. Right, day three... Four!Copy !req
514. Uh, it clings.Copy !req
515. OK.Copy !req
516. Ladies and gentlemen, David Lee Roth
in the morning. Here he is.Copy !req
517. James?Copy !req
518. What we've done... Don't do that.Copy !req
519. What we've done is accidentally
camped on a road.Copy !req
520. Who's this bloke on a bike?Copy !req
521. Morning. Morning.Copy !req
522. He's going to work
and we're camping on the A1.Copy !req
523. Yup.Copy !req
524. I can't remember if I took
my malaria pill this morning.Copy !req
525. If I were a girl,
I'd be pregnant a lot.Copy !req
526. If you're watching this in smellovision, I
apologise because the smell in here is disgusting.Copy !req
527. It's me.Copy !req
528. I absolutely reek!Copy !req
529. Luckily, we then got a shower.Copy !req
530. Well, one of us did.Copy !req
531. Hammond? Yes. How wet
are you getting in this rain?Copy !req
532. It's not bad, actually.Copy !req
533. It's quite a lot wetter here.Copy !req
534. How can the rain be heavier there
that it is over here?Copy !req
535. That's a river.Copy !req
536. 'It was indeed a river and one that
we'd have to crossCopy !req
537. 'which meant that we'd have to use stuff from
the Ann Summers chest to waterproof our cars. 'Copy !req
538. Right. These are condoms. Do you two
need some time to yourselves?Copy !req
539. Have you got those Tampax? Wh... What?Copy !req
540. What are you planning?
I'll tell you my big problem.Copy !req
541. It's my fuel filler cap.
If water gets in there...Copy !req
542. You're in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
543. If I put a Tampax in there,Copy !req
544. it will expand width-ways
and I've seen the adverts.Copy !req
545. I'll be able to go roller-blading
with a poodleCopy !req
546. or drive a Range Rover through
a river in the Amazon delta.Copy !req
547. James was suspiciously skilful
with the Vaseline and the condoms.Copy !req
548. And soon, we were ready
to enter the river.Copy !req
549. HE HUMSCopy !req
550. Now, do I follow in Hammond's wheel-marks
on the basis that we know how deep it is,Copy !req
551. or do I think, "He's an incompetent
fool and go somewhere else?"Copy !req
552. 'As it turned out,
I was an incompetent fool. 'Copy !req
553. That's looking DEEP!Copy !req
554. Oh-ho!Copy !req
555. Please, keep going.
Little donkey, swim!Copy !req
556. Swim, swim. There you go.Copy !req
557. This is when, suddenly, the
Land Cruiser comes into its own.Copy !req
558. Yeah, there's maybe more comfortable
things that will get you there,Copy !req
559. but the Land Cruiser
will always get you home.Copy !req
560. Meanwhile...Copy !req
561. It's stopped!Copy !req
562. Aah! Water's coming in to my car.Copy !req
563. 'This caused problems for James. 'Copy !req
564. You're going to have to go
round the outside.Copy !req
565. Straight ahead there. I'll tell you
when to go right hand down.Copy !req
566. Good. There.Copy !req
567. Oh, God!Copy !req
568. Cock!Copy !req
569. Good, good. That's two. OK.Copy !req
570. Why did I listen to you,
you imbecile!Copy !req
571. 'Rather than accept another winch from the Toyota,
the Range Rover decided to start on its own. 'Copy !req
572. ENGINE STARTSCopy !req
573. Ha-ha!Copy !req
574. 'Thus removing the obstacle James had
been trying to avoid when he got stuck. 'Copy !req
575. As far as I can work out,
he's dragging it even deeper.Copy !req
576. HE LAUGHSCopy !req
577. Hoi, it's floating.Copy !req
578. There's a lot of bubbles came out
of your petrol-filler cap.Copy !req
579. That's air. But they've been
replaced with water.Copy !req
580. 'This whole episode
made James very angry. 'Copy !req
581. If you hadn't tried to be clever and
if your car wasn't so unreliable,Copy !req
582. I wouldn't have had to go round the outside in
my small off-roader and I wouldn't have sunk.Copy !req
583. Unreliable? It stalled! It stalled! It started again.Copy !req
584. Mine will start again.Copy !req
585. The rainforest
is just getting worse.Copy !req
586. I'll tell you something, if you look over
there, would you not think it's getting thinner?Copy !req
587. 'It was and soon, our battered cars
emerged from the trees.Copy !req
588. 'At last, we were out of the
spider-infested sweatbox.Copy !req
589. 'But ten minutes later, James and
Richard wished they were back in it. 'Copy !req
590. Oh, God!Copy !req
591. Stop it!Copy !req
592. Just answer me this simple question,
how comfortable are you two right now?Copy !req
593. It's like a big, feather mattress.
I really am... relaxing. Yeah.Copy !req
594. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
595. Have I broken James' spine? There
will be two Ted Nugents in a minute.Copy !req
596. Oh, I'm so sick of that noise!
Stop rattling at me!Copy !req
597. We spent the night in a town where
there were baths and bedroomsCopy !req
598. and then we hit the road once more.Copy !req
599. Oh, here we are.
This is cocaine country.Copy !req
600. Kate Moss's delicatessen.Copy !req
601. Obviously we can't drive
through this regionCopy !req
602. without registering our disgust at
the violent, reprehensible drugs tradeCopy !req
603. that brings misery
to so many millions.Copy !req
604. May, have you seen what Hammond
has written on his car?Copy !req
605. Yeah, I don't think he's understood
what we're trying to do here.Copy !req
606. Hammond, are you feeling
ashamed of yourself?Copy !req
607. There was an opportunity and I took
it. But what about the untoldmisery to millions?Copy !req
608. "Untold misery to millions"?
Are the ratings really that good?Copy !req
609. Ha ha ha.Copy !req
610. As we left town, we started to climb and
that was a problem for the Range Rover.Copy !req
611. Every time we go up any form of
gradient, for any period of time,Copy !req
612. the engine gets very, very warm. Still
nothing's working apart from the demist.Copy !req
613. 'Soon the engine became so hot,
I had to get radical. 'Copy !req
614. The scope of my engineering genius,
literally, knows no bounds.Copy !req
615. Because, as you can see,
the vents I cut in the bonnetCopy !req
616. are now windows.Copy !req
617. So I can see where I'm going,
the engine is cool. All is well.Copy !req
618. Sooner or later, Jeremy has to admit that
the Range Rover isn't working properly.Copy !req
619. We were only 110 miles from La Paz, but
between us and it was the Camino Del Muerte -Copy !req
620. the death road - the most
dangerous highway in the world.Copy !req
621. Over the years, the sheer, unguarded
drops have claimed hundreds of lives.Copy !req
622. And to make matters worse, Captain Terrified-of-heights
didn't really have the car for the job.Copy !req
623. James? Yes.Copy !req
624. I don't know about the rear
suspension design on a Suzuki.Copy !req
625. The shock absorber is traditionally attached
at both ends. That's not absorbing shocks.Copy !req
626. It's bouncing around on the spring.Copy !req
627. That does affect your control quite
badly - not having a shock absorber.Copy !req
628. I'm glad you said that up here,
Hammond, on my favourite road.Copy !req
629. Hang on, before you go. What?Copy !req
630. I genuinely don't like heights. It's my biggest failing, among many
- I accept.Copy !req
631. You know the, you drive into the back
of my car and it's very funny, joke?Copy !req
632. Oh, you want me to drive into him?Copy !req
633. I'll cut your BLEEP head off. You
will need a beep there, BBC Two.Copy !req
634. I can understand that.Copy !req
635. Uh, my car is perfect in every way,
apart from it not starting.Copy !req
636. So could you, if you wouldn't mind,
push me?Copy !req
637. So you want me to push your car with
my car, now, on this road here? Yes.Copy !req
638. There's no alternative.Copy !req
639. OK, here I come.Copy !req
640. Careful, careful.Copy !req
641. BUMPER CRUNCHESCopy !req
642. I wasn't as careful as I could have
been. Sorry.Copy !req
643. HE SNIGGERSCopy !req
644. Pretty soon, we saw why the road
had earned its name.Copy !req
645. God almighty, that is high!Copy !req
646. That is a massive, massive drop!Copy !req
647. This is insane.Copy !req
648. Whoa!Copy !req
649. The grasses stick up and you don't
necessarily see what a long way down it is,Copy !req
650. then you get one of those gaps...Copy !req
651. and you see down
and it is a long way.Copy !req
652. There's one there.Copy !req
653. 'The dust didn't help either. 'Copy !req
654. Oh, gee. Look at that.
That's narrow.Copy !req
655. HORN TOOTSCopy !req
656. I don't understand the rules
on this road.Copy !req
657. You seem to drive one minute on the
left and one minute on the right.Copy !req
658. Sometimes the lorry stops to let you
go through. Sometimes they don't.Copy !req
659. Some lorries pull over, others come barrelling up behind
you doing three and a half times the speed of sound.Copy !req
660. It's completely baffling.Copy !req
661. Thank you.Copy !req
662. I'm coming up against the truck.
I've got to go past himCopy !req
663. and that means going on that side.Copy !req
664. Looking straight ahead.Copy !req
665. Breathe.Copy !req
666. Moments later, James slowed down
to let a mad local get past.Copy !req
667. HORN TOOTSCopy !req
668. Does that mean there's one of those
maniacal taxi drivers?Copy !req
669. and I didn't.Copy !req
670. Oh, God!Copy !req
671. BUMPERS CRUNCHCopy !req
672. Sorry, I was watching the taxi. You're now going to get macheted
to death.Copy !req
673. I was watching the taxi! I don't
care. Did I or did I not warn you?Copy !req
674. James is killing Jeremy,
but things are going well.Copy !req
675. I was watching the taxi. Youweren't. I was watching the taxi.Copy !req
676. Did your co-presenter just attack
you with a machete? Yes, he did.Copy !req
677. He was quite cross cos I ran intohim. That doesn't happen on clothes
programmes or gardening shows.Copy !req
678. 'As we climbed higher, life in the already
battered Toyota became truly terrifying. 'Copy !req
679. That's my steering.
I'm inches from death, there.Copy !req
680. The steering wheel
doesn't do anything.Copy !req
681. My brakes stick when I'm going uphill
so the clutch slips.Copy !req
682. I can't breathe
because the dust gets in.Copy !req
683. Oh, God! That's real fear now.Copy !req
684. Going downhill, the same brakes that
stick on going uphill, don't stop me.Copy !req
685. Ugh!Copy !req
686. 'The Suzuki too
was showing the strain. 'Copy !req
687. BLEEP.Copy !req
688. HE GROWLSCopy !req
689. What is the matter? It's got dirt
in the fuel system from the river.Copy !req
690. So it's broken? It's not broken.
Occasionally, a bit of it goes through.Copy !req
691. Your simple, cheap car is broken.Copy !req
692. 'Sticking to the code of the Top Gear
brotherhood, I left James and Richard behind. 'Copy !req
693. It just goes to show they are badly-made
these Japanese cars. They're badly-made.Copy !req
694. 'James and I decided
to stick together. 'Copy !req
695. He's never going to go round us.
My God, he is.Copy !req
696. That's insane.Copy !req
697. Right. I'm in a ditch.Copy !req
698. OK.Copy !req
699. I didn't see this.Copy !req
700. Whoa-ho! What a thing to miss.Copy !req
701. Right.Copy !req
702. 'No biggie, though, because my colleague
would winch me out in a jiffy. 'Copy !req
703. Hold on. What? The winch isn't working.Copy !req
704. I'm now all on my own on Death Road. I have
no idea where Ray Mears and Ted Nugent are.Copy !req
705. They've just disappeared. We have
no phones. They're not on the radio.Copy !req
706. They could be dead.Copy !req
707. 'We would, in fact, be dead quite soon, judging
by the mood of the angry, stuck locals. 'Copy !req
708. Good luck. Thank you. Handbrake off etc.Copy !req
709. The ditch is going to level outso it'll be fine. There you go.Copy !req
710. What a nice man.Copy !req
711. 'Soon, though, I wished I'd stayed in the ditch
because the Toyota developed yet another fault. 'Copy !req
712. Something's broken
on that back corner.Copy !req
713. This is pretty close
to unbearable now.Copy !req
714. Christ!Copy !req
715. Meanwhile, very far ahead...Copy !req
716. I'm now 5,500 feet above sea level
and still climbing.Copy !req
717. Oh, God, crosses.Copy !req
718. A lot of crosses there.Copy !req
719. And then, underneath a waterfall, I learned
why there were so many crosses up here.Copy !req
720. Oh, my God.Copy !req
721. No.Copy !req
722. Oh, my...Copy !req
723. Stop there!Copy !req
724. That is going. That is going.Copy !req
725. CREAKING
Bloody hell.Copy !req
726. We were still miles back.Copy !req
727. It was almost dark and, worse still, James'
alternator wasn't charging the battery.Copy !req
728. How much is running your car with headlights
on going to shorten the life of the batteryCopy !req
729. and then kill the engine?Copy !req
730. I don't know exactly,
but by quite a bit.Copy !req
731. They're already getting a bit dim,
to be honest.Copy !req
732. God, this is murder.Copy !req
733. Pretty soon, the inevitable happened.Copy !req
734. My car is now dead
and without a new battery.Copy !req
735. 'Since the alternator was one of
the few things working on the Toyota,Copy !req
736. 'I swapped my live battery
for James' dead one. 'Copy !req
737. I think it was good of me to donate
my battery. Yes, it was.Copy !req
738. Yes, it was. This time, we're not
going to run with your lights off.Copy !req
739. No, OK. We'll use the torches.Copy !req
740. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
741. OK, I've waited till nightfall here
at the summit of the death road.Copy !req
742. My colleagues aren't here,
which means they must be dead.Copy !req
743. I've therefore made them these
rather touching memorials.Copy !req
744. With the torches fitted,Copy !req
745. this was my view of Death Road.Copy !req
746. Hammond, I want to say something to you
that I wouldn't say at any other time.Copy !req
747. 'What?'Copy !req
748. Please don't leave me.Copy !req
749. Oh, God, those words will stay with me.
I'll struggle to get over that. No, I won't.Copy !req
750. The next morning,
we were all reunited in La Paz,Copy !req
751. the world's highest
and worst capital city.Copy !req
752. But as we waited for
our next instructions,Copy !req
753. the mood was frosty.Copy !req
754. Are you ready? No.Copy !req
755. La Paz... I still haven't actually
forgiven you as such.Copy !req
756. It's not like we're being all matey now and have
forgotten you abandoned us to die, just so you know.Copy !req
757. I couldn't go back to the hotel,
eat steak, have a beer,Copy !req
758. and go to bed feeling goodif I'd just left my mates... I had to go to bed.Copy !req
759. Then tell your mates the steak
wasn't very good.Copy !req
760. I thought you were dead.Copy !req
761. I had a simple ceremony up therefor you. Then what did you do?
You went on.Copy !req
762. I said kind words about you.Copy !req
763. What are we doing? Come on. "BetweenLa Paz and the Pacific Ocean,Copy !req
764. "there is the Altiplano where the altitude
will cause you to have a pulmonary oedema.Copy !req
765. "Then there's the Andes where you'll
have a cerebral oedema.Copy !req
766. "And then the Atacama which is
50 times drier than Death Valley.Copy !req
767. "It has never rained.
It's the driest place on EarthCopy !req
768. "and there is no life,
not even bacteria. "Copy !req
769. Given that our lungs and brains
would explode in the desertsCopy !req
770. and mountains that lay between us
and the Pacific,Copy !req
771. we decided to modify our cars a bit.Copy !req
772. So it was time to find a workshop
and cue the music.Copy !req
773. Have you got "Spider In Car"
for Hammond?Copy !req
774. You can't see through the window!Copy !req
775. Stick to hammers.Copy !req
776. That's the precision tool board.
The hammer lives elsewhere.Copy !req
777. The next day, we left La Paz well
prepared for the trials that lay ahead.Copy !req
778. So, I've lifted the Land Cruiser,
obviously. Very simple.Copy !req
779. Gives me room for the bigger, wider
tyres I need for the desert sand.Copy !req
780. Roll cage for safety, obviously.Copy !req
781. Then to get rid of some of
the weight, I've lost the doorsCopy !req
782. because they were very heavy, and the
roof and anything else I didn't need.Copy !req
783. What I've done to prepare for the desert
is team a rather fetching hooded cardiganCopy !req
784. with some old combat trousers
and some big wheels on my car.Copy !req
785. Wow, James has been busy.Copy !req
786. Woo, yes.Copy !req
787. You've modified that, mate.Copy !req
788. As you can see, what I've done with
my car is mended it.Copy !req
789. The modifying brothers were very
pleased with their results.Copy !req
790. Yeah! Ah!Copy !req
791. I'm liking this. Loving this!Copy !req
792. But after a few miles,
the smiles had gone.Copy !req
793. Hammond, I've made my car worse.Copy !req
794. How? It won't ride properlyand the tyres are catchingon the wheel arches.Copy !req
795. It's got no power any more.Copy !req
796. Oh, God.Copy !req
797. I am having to work my engine
quite hard.Copy !req
798. The problem is, you put bigger wheels
on, it has the effect of gearing it up.Copy !req
799. First gear is like starting in
third... it's hard work.Copy !req
800. The long and the short of it,
I've rather ruined it.Copy !req
801. James has just overtaken me
in his 1 oz box.Copy !req
802. RICHARD LAUGHSCopy !req
803. That face is smug, I don't like it.Copy !req
804. Because I'd made my car better,Copy !req
805. as we climbed onto the Altiplano,Copy !req
806. I could relax and enjoy
the backdrop.Copy !req
807. Look at that sky.Copy !req
808. That's one of the best skies
I've seen for a very long time.Copy !req
809. James, does it get hotter or colder
when you're at altitude? I've forgotten.Copy !req
810. I'm pretty sure it gets much hotter.
No, no, hang on. Colder.Copy !req
811. There's only one way we can accurately determine
the temperature and that's by asking our colleague.Copy !req
812. I know what you're thinking,
I'm fine.Copy !req
813. As darkness fell, we pulled into
a petrol station.Copy !req
814. In the shop, we found a bit more
than Kit Kats and pies.Copy !req
815. Wait a minute. Caramelised cocaine. That's something
you don't see in every motorway service station.Copy !req
816. Wow. You take it and thenyou talk for hours.Copy !req
817. Let's have that.Copy !req
818. In fact, the sweet is made from coca
leaves which are legal and used by localsCopy !req
819. to ward off the effects
of altitude sickness.Copy !req
820. Hammond found them very moreish.Copy !req
821. They're nice, they're caramelised.
I've had about six.Copy !req
822. Luckily, this had no effect at all.Copy !req
823. all the camping gear, then when
you got there, this was before the M5,Copy !req
824. there was like a high bit and a low bit and
we used to say, "Is this the high/low bit?"Copy !req
825. And Mum and Dad would say, "Yeah". And
then we knew how far it was to Weston.Copy !req
826. I always thought Bristol was a bit
scruffy, but actually it's quite nice...Copy !req
827. The next morning, we woke on the
staggeringly beautiful Bolivian high plains.Copy !req
828. We couldn't see this in the dark
but it's absolutely breathtaking.Copy !req
829. Look at it. It's took my breathaway. There's no breath
to take away.Copy !req
830. We're at 14,000 feet
according to the gizmo.Copy !req
831. 14,000? 14,006 feet. What's that? This measures your sats.Copy !req
832. On Casualty, they always do this.
They put one of these on their finger,Copy !req
833. and it's something to do with how much
oxygen there is in your red blood cells.Copy !req
834. If it's less than 98 or 99,
you've had it.Copy !req
835. And Tina Hobley comes. What's yours?Copy !req
836. 87. That's less. Much less.Copy !req
837. Where's Tina Hobley, then? Just try yours.Copy !req
838. I bet you can't go less than 87.Copy !req
839. That's how ill I am.Copy !req
840. 89. 89? You're nearly dead.Copy !req
841. I AM dead.Copy !req
842. 88, I'm not much better. If you wentinto a doctor's surgery in England,Copy !req
843. with sats of 88, they'd put you in hospital. 84.Copy !req
844. In fact, the only thing
in a dodgier state than meCopy !req
845. were the modifications on my car.Copy !req
846. What's happened? I've broken
my front right spring.Copy !req
847. Completely clean. Sheared it
off both ends. You're joking?Copy !req
848. Bloody hellfire.Copy !req
849. So that is supposed
to be connected to that?Copy !req
850. Yep. It's snapped clean off.Copy !req
851. While trying to mend
the modified suspension,Copy !req
852. there was another problem.
Your prop shaft fell off.Copy !req
853. What? Your prop shaft just fell off.Copy !req
854. Since there was no AA to call, it
took us all morning to get it fixed.Copy !req
855. Ooh!Copy !req
856. But eventually, we were off.Copy !req
857. And apart from James driving
into a village well...Copy !req
858. Sorry... Leave it!Copy !req
859. we made good progress
toward the Chilean border.Copy !req
860. I'm in a fantastic desert,
with my two mates.Copy !req
861. All the cars are working,
look at that, look at that.Copy !req
862. It's great. It's an adventure.Copy !req
863. And soon,
we reached a big milestone.Copy !req
864. One mile, James, and we've done it.
Bolivia.Copy !req
865. Let's roll in as a threesome.Copy !req
866. You look at these three, you'd never
believe they were still running!Copy !req
867. Most scrapyards would reject them.Copy !req
868. At the border post, we were given
the traditional welcome.Copy !req
869. My arse!Copy !req
870. I hope he doesn't find the tampons.
Or, rather worryingly, the Viagra.Copy !req
871. Drugs check over, we entered Chile, where
the scenery became even more sensational.Copy !req
872. Those are flamingos,
they actually are flamingos.Copy !req
873. I've never seen them in the wild.
Wow.Copy !req
874. Unfortunately, we were still
climbing.Copy !req
875. Are you ready? 45 feet to go.Copy !req
876. 30 feet to go.Copy !req
877. Here it comes.Copy !req
878. 5, 4, 3... We're there!Copy !req
879. 15,006 feet!Copy !req
880. Ha! We are now higher than
the highest peak in EuropeCopy !req
881. and we're still driving.Copy !req
882. Soon, the altitude would become
a big issue.Copy !req
883. But the next day,
Hammond had an even bigger one.Copy !req
884. His clutch had gone. Oh, God.Copy !req
885. Oh, come on!Copy !req
886. It won't come out of gear.Copy !req
887. I'm trying to rock it
on the starter motor... Ah!Copy !req
888. There you go.Copy !req
889. We're away, into second,
match the road speed...Copy !req
890. Ooh! Hey-hey! There we go.Copy !req
891. We've just pulled over here
to wait for Hammond.Copy !req
892. Oh! Dust!Copy !req
893. Is that him?Copy !req
894. It is.Copy !req
895. It is. We're back as a three.Copy !req
896. Hammond!Copy !req
897. The donkey lives! Oh, yeah! It lives on.Copy !req
898. At this point,
we had a decision to make.Copy !req
899. We can either go that way,Copy !req
900. which is very long,Copy !req
901. or we can go that way,Copy !req
902. which is short,Copy !req
903. but does mean driving over
an active volcano.Copy !req
904. Short.Copy !req
905. Volcano. Short. I agree.Copy !req
906. Short. Let's do it.Copy !req
907. As we climbed, the air became
thinner and thinner.Copy !req
908. 15,400.Copy !req
909. And climbing.Copy !req
910. We are, definitely, the highest
motorists in the world.Copy !req
911. Apart from George Michael,
obviously.Copy !req
912. Hammond's really got to think ahead
with no clutch.Copy !req
913. He's gotta think ahead with
a brain starved of oxygen.Copy !req
914. What is frightening is when I need to
come to grab first to get up a steep bit.Copy !req
915. Changing down is harder.Copy !req
916. You have to guess how high the engine needs
to be revving and slot the gear lever inCopy !req
917. without a clutch.Copy !req
918. James too was having problems.Copy !req
919. JUDDERING AND GRATINGCopy !req
920. Oh, God, chaps, my transfer
box is jammed.Copy !req
921. But these niggles were overshadowed
by the big one.Copy !req
922. Up at this altitude, this engine
is really struggling.Copy !req
923. For every litre of fuel vapour
it gets through,Copy !req
924. it needs 14 litres of air.Copy !req
925. And there isn't any.Copy !req
926. So, it's just like me... HE GASPSCopy !req
927. That means it's so down on power.Copy !req
928. 'Up here, James's car
had, at best, 20 horsepower.Copy !req
929. 'And as we climbed higher,Copy !req
930. 'we started to suffer as well. 'Copy !req
931. The breathlessness now
is pretty acute.Copy !req
932. Just talking is... hard work.Copy !req
933. I'm starting to feel a bit...Copy !req
934. Jeez... no... I'm feeling reallyCopy !req
935. quite weird.Copy !req
936. 'The terrain levelled out so we pulled
over to catch what we could of our breath. 'Copy !req
937. Do you feel sort of drunkbut it's not pleasant? Yeah.Copy !req
938. Exactly that. My whole head...
I've got room spin.Copy !req
939. 'It was time for drastic action. 'Copy !req
940. Cyanide? No.Copy !req
941. Viagra.Copy !req
942. Eh? Is this the time?Copy !req
943. Apparently, Viagra, for reasons
unknown to scienceCopy !req
944. stops you having an oedema
in your lung.Copy !req
945. I thought it was more the trouser department it
concentrated on. That could be a side effect, yes.Copy !req
946. Down the hatch. Here we go.Copy !req
947. Doesn't work. Nothing's happening.
I can't swallow it.Copy !req
948. Nothing's happening.
I need a drink.Copy !req
949. I'm going to get a massive neck
if I don't get some of that.Copy !req
950. Apparently... that will
save our lives.Copy !req
951. THEY LAUGH
Oh, God.Copy !req
952. I've just taken Viagra!Copy !req
953. On top of the Andes. CHUCKLINGCopy !req
954. 'Sadly, it didn't seem to have
any effect at all. 'Copy !req
955. I'm getting a headache
and I'm feeling sick.Copy !req
956. Come on, come on.Copy !req
957. 'The big question now was this -Copy !req
958. 'which would give out first,
the cars or the men?'Copy !req
959. Come on. Come on!Copy !req
960. Come on.Copy !req
961. Every gear change
is so critical now.Copy !req
962. I get tense about it,
that raises my heart.Copy !req
963. And then I need oxygen
all the more.Copy !req
964. Still there, Hammond? Yeah,
I'm still here. I have to go slowCopy !req
965. because I daren't risk changing up
to third. I won't make it.Copy !req
966. 'OK, mate, we'll slow down. 'Copy !req
967. We're a team up here.
Cos this isn't funny.Copy !req
968. God, Jeremy's talking
about being a team.Copy !req
969. Must be the altitude.Copy !req
970. 'At 16,700 feet,Copy !req
971. 'the Toyota broke down again. 'Copy !req
972. ENGINE STALLSCopy !req
973. 'I think my transfer box
has just gone. 'Copy !req
974. 'James and I stop to help.Copy !req
975. 'And then we couldn't get going
again. 'Copy !req
976. The engines just aren't getting
any air.Copy !req
977. At all.Copy !req
978. There's just no... er...Copy !req
979. James can't get his started.Copy !req
980. I can't get mine started.Copy !req
981. I haven't got any air to work.Copy !req
982. Once we get the Range Rover going,
that's the most likely to start,Copy !req
983. we can geteverything started. Right. Can wemove it? Three, two, heave!Copy !req
984. And go! THEY STRAINCopy !req
985. 'Pushing a Range Rover at this
altitude damn near killed us,Copy !req
986. 'but eventually the big beast fired
and once again,Copy !req
987. 'the most unreliable car in the
world got the others going as well. 'Copy !req
988. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
989. Bloody hell.Copy !req
990. My lips are now tingling.Copy !req
991. I get the feeling something's gotta
give soon.Copy !req
992. Jesus Christ, my head!Copy !req
993. 'At 17,200 feet,
we pulled over - again. 'Copy !req
994. PANTINGCopy !req
995. Hammond? Yeah.Copy !req
996. Even if... the cars could get over that
and I seriously doubt that, I can't.Copy !req
997. Just pushing on's just stupid.Copy !req
998. Seriously, I'm calling it a day. I think you could be right.Copy !req
999. 'We really were in trouble. So, we
turned round and headed back down.Copy !req
1000. 'Fast. 'Copy !req
1001. 16 two. Still feeling weird.Copy !req
1002. HE COUGHSCopy !req
1003. Breathing's better.Copy !req
1004. With every foot...Copy !req
1005. the engine's gonna run smoother.Copy !req
1006. My body's gonna run smoother.Copy !req
1007. 'We then went the long way round
and finally, drunk on oxygen,Copy !req
1008. 'we made it to the other side
of the Andes. 'Copy !req
1009. DEEP BREATHINGCopy !req
1010. THEY INHALE NOISILY
Air!Copy !req
1011. It's so... so underrated. It's thick.Copy !req
1012. It's like breathing soup.Copy !req
1013. You can bite off pieces of it
and chew it.Copy !req
1014. It's like lung nectar.Copy !req
1015. There is just one small thing
that's occurred to me, chaps.Copy !req
1016. What?Copy !req
1017. Where the hell are we?Copy !req
1018. We were in the Atacama DesertCopy !req
1019. where there is no life at all.Copy !req
1020. Not even on a cellular level.Copy !req
1021. Richard Hammond was the smallest
living organism for miles.Copy !req
1022. There was nothing here at all.Copy !req
1023. Except for one road.Copy !req
1024. Oh, yes.Copy !req
1025. The Pan-American Highway.Copy !req
1026. Running is smooth.Copy !req
1027. The view is spectacular.Copy !req
1028. Temperature is low.Copy !req
1029. 'But the mad dash down the mountain
had been too much once againCopy !req
1030. 'for the modifications
on Hammond's Toyota. 'Copy !req
1031. Better stop. Oh, God.Copy !req
1032. Didn't sound good.Copy !req
1033. You heard something? Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1034. Oh, dear.Copy !req
1035. I think, James, we can safely say
that what's happened thereCopy !req
1036. is my prop-shaft has fallen off.Copy !req
1037. 'And the prop-shaft
was only half of it. 'Copy !req
1038. BLEEP.Copy !req
1039. What's broken? Diff.Copy !req
1040. It's shattered? Absolutely exploded.Copy !req
1041. Good God. I'm surprised
that didn't somersault the car.Copy !req
1042. I've just heard on the radio that
Richard Hammond's Land CruiserCopy !req
1043. is in serious trouble.Copy !req
1044. HE SPUTTERSCopy !req
1045. 'Happily, the Top Gear orang-utan
elected not to stop and help.Copy !req
1046. 'As a result, James and I quickly
got the Toyota working again. 'Copy !req
1047. We reconfigured it,
it's now running.Copy !req
1048. Front wheel drive only
so it's now just its front legsCopy !req
1049. dragging itself along,
still working.Copy !req
1050. 'We were now tantalisingly close to
the Pacific Ocean, the finish line. 'Copy !req
1051. There can be no doubt this has been
our toughest assignment ever.Copy !req
1052. No question about that.
It's nearly killed us,Copy !req
1053. it's nearly killed our cars.Copy !req
1054. 'It is incredible to think
that these cheap carsCopy !req
1055. 'bought unseen on the Internet
had crossed the Amazon rainforest.Copy !req
1056. 'They'd scaled the most dangerous
road in the world.Copy !req
1057. 'They'd still been working when their
drivers had broken down in the Andes.Copy !req
1058. 'We didn't just respect them.
We loved them. 'Copy !req
1059. I have a teddy bear, I've had it
since I was born.Copy !req
1060. One of its arms has fallen off,
one of its eyes is missing,Copy !req
1061. its head's come off more times
than I can mention.Copy !req
1062. To you it would be worthless junk.Copy !req
1063. But to me, it means everything,Copy !req
1064. and it's the same story
with this car.Copy !req
1065. Yeah, the ride's terrible, it's a
bit noisy, doesn't handle that well,Copy !req
1066. and I'm always worried it's going
to fall over,Copy !req
1067. but it's done everything the big boys
have done, hasn't got stuck any more often,Copy !req
1068. and the only time it's really gone
wrong is due to its dunking in the river.Copy !req
1069. I think the plucky little car's
done all right.Copy !req
1070. From the very start of the trip when I couldn't
start it on the raft, I thought, "Oh, no. "Copy !req
1071. But I didn't know it then,
I didn't know how determined it was.Copy !req
1072. This thing is like
that Black KnightCopy !req
1073. in that Monty Python sketchCopy !req
1074. where they're fighting with swords
and he gets his arm cut off.Copy !req
1075. "No, no, 'tis but a scratch!"
It's a great little car.Copy !req
1076. 'As our exhausted convoy drew nearer
to the coast,Copy !req
1077. 'weirdly, the road
started to climb again. 'Copy !req
1078. 40 miles to go and we've got
to drop 2,300 feet to sea level.Copy !req
1079. It must start going downhill
in a minute!Copy !req
1080. 'But it didn't.Copy !req
1081. 'The punishing climb continued. 'Copy !req
1082. I can smell... I can smell...Copy !req
1083. a boiling engine.Copy !req
1084. Is the drop at the other end just sheer,
because we're nearly at the Pacific now?Copy !req
1085. And we're 4,000 feet up.Copy !req
1086. 'Soon, though, we turned off the Pan-America
and headed through the dunes to the finish line,Copy !req
1087. 'where, unfortunately, there was
one more obstacle in the way.Copy !req
1088. 'A big one. 'Copy !req
1089. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
1090. Whoa, wait.Copy !req
1091. Look how bloody steep it is. God above.Copy !req
1092. I can see now
why they said four wheel drive.Copy !req
1093. Er, I've only got three wheel drive. I've only got two.Copy !req
1094. What if you dig in?If you dug in and started to roll,Copy !req
1095. the chances of you being alive
at the bottom... are nil.Copy !req
1096. 'We therefore decided to get some
practice on a smaller dune first. 'Copy !req
1097. Are we ready, chaps?Copy !req
1098. Ready. Ready? Yeah.Copy !req
1099. Three!Copy !req
1100. Two! 'Hold on, hold on. 'Copy !req
1101. Give me strength.
Give me strength.Copy !req
1102. What?Copy !req
1103. Just before we do this,
I wanted to say... Oh, shit.Copy !req
1104. No! Oh, my BLEEP!Copy !req
1105. My donkey!Copy !req
1106. His wheel's come off.Copy !req
1107. Aw!Copy !req
1108. 'Donkey was dead.Copy !req
1109. 'And in some ways, I was relieved.Copy !req
1110. 'Because it meant I no longer
had to drive down that dune. 'Copy !req
1111. This is utterly, utterly,
utterly stupid.Copy !req
1112. I wouldn't do this in
a brand-new Range Rover.Copy !req
1113. James, are you ready?Copy !req
1114. Yeah, I'll be going for
second gear, Jezza.Copy !req
1115. Second gear, low range, and I've got
my diff locks in. Have you?Copy !req
1116. I haven't got diff locks. 'Good luck, boys. 'Copy !req
1117. Three... two... one. Go!Copy !req
1118. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1119. I don't know... Oh, Christ, I don't
know where the wheels are pointing.Copy !req
1120. I don't think so.Copy !req
1121. It's going sideways.Copy !req
1122. Whoa. Whoo oh oh!Copy !req
1123. Don't you dare go sideways again.Copy !req
1124. 'The soft sand was a nightmare
and the gradient meant pretty soonCopy !req
1125. 'we were fighting to keep control. 'Copy !req
1126. Get in a straight line,
you metal BLEEP.Copy !req
1127. Come on!Copy !req
1128. Come on. Oh, it's going
a bit fast now.Copy !req
1129. I'm in a 900-year-old utterly
ruined Range Rover.Copy !req
1130. Argh! Argh!Copy !req
1131. Levelling out. It's levelling out.Copy !req
1132. It's levelling out.Copy !req
1133. Argh! We're down!Copy !req
1134. We're down!Copy !req
1135. Yeah!Copy !req
1136. 'Once again, we had shown what the car,
even when it's an old croc, is capable of.Copy !req
1137. 'Well, two of us had.Copy !req
1138. 'But when we finally regrouped
by the water's edge,Copy !req
1139. 'Hammond still believed
he'd chosen wisely. 'Copy !req
1140. Are you going to try and argue...? It's extraordinarily good.
It's led a very hard life.Copy !req
1141. It died a noble death,
I think valiant.Copy !req
1142. I think rubbish. It has been a
constant source of problems and delays.Copy !req
1143. It was old and arthritic and had been beaten
every day of its life, sick old donkey.Copy !req
1144. These two were old and arthritic
but they are here,Copy !req
1145. and the Land Cruiser is 2,800 feet
above us up there.Copy !req
1146. Forever. Can I just make
the case for the SuzukiCopy !req
1147. cos I know what you're thinking?
Plucky little car.Copy !req
1148. Helped you out a few times. I agree.
Technically, never really broke down. Well...Copy !req
1149. It didn't survive very well
in the puddle.Copy !req
1150. But I'd like to say
most importantly...Copy !req
1151. Mm-hm... the ride is rotten.Copy !req
1152. Yes. And because of that,Copy !req
1153. because it's almost
ruined your spine,Copy !req
1154. and because yours isn't here,Copy !req
1155. we have a startling conclusion
to the show.Copy !req
1156. It turns out that the most
unreliable car in the world...Copy !req
1157. is the most reliable car
in the world.Copy !req
1158. Yeah. It's fair enough.Copy !req
1159. Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the Range Rover.Copy !req
1160. Not what I'd ever expected it...
Nobody expected that.Copy !req
1161. Come on, we can be proud of that.
Proud to be British...Copy !req
1162. E- mail subtitling@bbc. Co. ukCopy !req