1. Hello, everybody. Hello. Thank you.Copy !req
2. Hello!Copy !req
3. Hello and welcome
to a Top Gear special,Copy !req
4. which tonight comes to you
from South America.Copy !req
5. Yeah. The brief was simple. Each
of us would be given a pittance.Copy !req
6. And we were told we could
buy any car we likedCopy !req
7. from a second-hand car
website in Bolivia.Copy !req
8. Yeah. And the only bit of advice
we got, rather worryingly,Copy !req
9. was that it would be best if we
chose a car with four-wheel drive.Copy !req
10. We were then told we would
be united with our carsCopy !req
11. somewhere around here in
a place called Spidertown,Copy !req
12. right in the middle
of the Amazon Rainforest.Copy !req
13. These are the views that
greeted us from our helicopter.Copy !req
14. Except they're not,Copy !req
15. because the helicopter
booked for us had crashed.Copy !req
16. That meant we had to
borrow these picturesCopy !req
17. from Bruce Parry's programme...Copy !req
18. and go to the start
point in a boat...Copy !req
19. utterly bewildered by everything.Copy !req
20. Look at that purple tree!
The butterfly's more amazing.Copy !req
21. No, the purple tree's the best. No! The butterfly was the size of a bat.Copy !req
22. Another crocodile over there.Copy !req
23. It's not a crocodile,
it's a lump of wood.Copy !req
24. Bird! Bird!Copy !req
25. We're close to the Equator. We'revery close. Perhaps we're on it!Copy !req
26. No, we'd see a big dotted line.Copy !req
27. 'And we weren't the only
fish out of water. 'Copy !req
28. It jumped in the boat!
It jumped in the boat!Copy !req
29. In the boat!I've got it with my knife!Copy !req
30. Ha-ha! Is that a piranha?Copy !req
31. It's not a piranha,
they're long and thin.Copy !req
32. They're not! No, they're not! They are! They're short and fat!Copy !req
33. Oh, that's sharks.Copy !req
34. 'Eventually, the boat dumped the
three worst explorers in historyCopy !req
35. 'on a bank,
in the middle of nowhere...Copy !req
36. 'and left. 'Copy !req
37. Have we just been abandoned here
to die? Whoa-whoa! What is it, what?Copy !req
38. Are those zips? Well,
they're outdoor trousers.Copy !req
39. You can unzip the bottoms? Yes!Copy !req
40. I'm sorry, on the kit front, chaps...
James, what's all this?Copy !req
41. This is my belt of many things.
What is that? Don't touch it.Copy !req
42. That's a dental healthcare kit.
What's this? Don't touch it!Copy !req
43. That is a shoe-polishing kit.Copy !req
44. What?Copy !req
45. A shoe-polishing kit! Thank God for that If
we get hungry, we can eat his Kiwi boot polish!Copy !req
46. Basically, what you've done is buy a "My First
Explorer" kit, put it on your belt... Don't touch it.Copy !req
47. 'Hammond then revealed
a little secret. 'Copy !req
48. So all these insects, where are they?Copy !req
49. Why, are you frightened of insects?Copy !req
50. Yeah. Are you? Yeah. Really?Copy !req
51. Don't mess about. Seriously,
I am. It's a phobia.Copy !req
52. It's like you and heights.Copy !req
53. It's not you're scared of
falling off, it's a phobia.Copy !req
54. You are scared of heights. This is the same, it's a phobia.Copy !req
55. I just don't... What's yours? Phobia? Manual labour, you know that.Copy !req
56. That's not a phobia,
that's bone idleness.Copy !req
57. Rubbish! That's not a clinical
thing, that's just cos you're lazy.Copy !req
58. 'Since we didn't know what to do,
we just sat down and did nothing. 'Copy !req
59. I'm sure there's spiders in here,
there will be. Shh.Copy !req
60. What?Copy !req
61. Is that... Uh-oh... in harmony with nature?Copy !req
62. Stop playing ethnic tunes. Boys...Copy !req
63. Cars.Copy !req
64. 'Plainly, there had been
a terrible mix-upCopy !req
65. 'because one of the cars
on the raft was a little Suzuki.Copy !req
66. 'None of us would
have been that daft.Copy !req
67. 'But then we remembered...
James was with us. 'Copy !req
68. 1.3 litre... 1.3 litre! Wine bar specials.Copy !req
69. Famous for being able to stay
on their own four wheels...Copy !req
70. No, no, no. Falling over.Copy !req
71. I presume then the Land Cruiser,
by power of deduction, is yours.Copy !req
72. Yes, it is. Correct choice,
everyone will agree.Copy !req
73. And you have, if my eyes are not
deceiving me, a Range Rover.Copy !req
74. The best 4x4, by far, as we know.Copy !req
75. I had one of those. Yeah, classic. I had one as well. Yeah.Copy !req
76. Did yours ever... work? No.Copy !req
77. How is that raft steering itself?Copy !req
78. There's a little boat
behind it, look.Copy !req
79. 'The driver of the little boat pushed
the raft vaguely near the bank... 'Copy !req
80. Right. Well, we can get... No,
don't do that, we need to get it...Copy !req
81. '.. and then went home. 'Copy !req
82. Is that him just gone? Yep.Copy !req
83. Oi! You haven't parked it!Copy !req
84. 'We tried to pull the raft nearer to
the bank but it was very difficult. 'Copy !req
85. Heave! It's not moving!Copy !req
86. 'So we gave up. 'Copy !req
87. That's it, lads.
Up the gang plank.Copy !req
88. Ow! There's a thing there.Copy !req
89. We are good. It's like literallybeing with Livingstone... Yeah.Copy !req
90. and...Copy !req
91. Do you want a hand up? Help! Probably quite painful!Copy !req
92. It was. Don't worry, I'm all right.Copy !req
93. 'Eventually, even
Indiana Clarkson was on boardCopy !req
94. 'so we could get our first look
at what we'd boughtCopy !req
95. 'from the Bolivian classifieds. 'Copy !req
96. Notoriously long-lived,
sturdy, reliable, small, agile.Copy !req
97. What does it say in the advert
in the Bolivian Auto Trader?Copy !req
98. I'll tell you what it did show in
the picture. That it was blue.Copy !req
99. Did it say, in the advert, that all
four tyres would be pumped up?Copy !req
100. No. HE LAUGHSCopy !req
101. Oh, bloody hell. We did buy these long distance.Copy !req
102. 'The only thing saggier than
my tyre was Hammond's roof.Copy !req
103. It wasn't always
a convertible, was it?Copy !req
104. No, it's been converted
to a convertible.Copy !req
105. It's been converted by someone
who is A, of Spanish descentCopy !req
106. and B, a communist.Copy !req
107. It's a tasty car all round.
I'm very pleased.Copy !req
108. I like the see-through...Copy !req
109. I like this. The window's not here,
it's here and there's no winder.Copy !req
110. I don't need one, it's hot.Copy !req
111. 'To demonstrate what fools
the others had been,Copy !req
112. 'I showed them the beating heart
of my mighty Ranger Rover. 'Copy !req
113. Behold, gentlemen, the 3.9 litre V8 engine. Ahem.Copy !req
114. 3.9, yeah? 3.9. They had injection,
didn't they, Hammond, the 3.9?Copy !req
115. Yes. All of them were fuel-injected.Copy !req
116. What are those on top?Copy !req
117. I believe they're carburettors.
They look like carburettors.Copy !req
118. BLEEP. They ARE carburettors. They are carburettors, yeah.Copy !req
119. That can't be a 3.9, mate,
that's a 3.5!Copy !req
120. It said in the advert is was a 3.9!
It said mine was blue.Copy !req
121. OK, so there's some issues.Copy !req
122. You'll be opening
the bonnet a lot. I won't.Copy !req
123. You will! That's what killed these
off, globally. Why does everywhere,Copy !req
124. all over the world, anywhere difficult
and inhospitable use a Toyota Land Cruiser?Copy !req
125. First Aztec bird we come across,Copy !req
126. she'll make a bee-line
for me in this.Copy !req
127. Yeah, OK.Copy !req
128. 'We could've continued arguing,
but we had to leap ashore... 'Copy !req
129. 'Well, come on, then. 'Copy !req
130. '.. Because our challenge
had arrived. 'Copy !req
131. Thank you very much.Copy !req
132. OK. It says, "You are in Bolivia.Copy !req
133. "And you will drive to the Pacific
Ocean, which is 1,000 miles away. "Copy !req
134. So we have to go 1,000 miles. There's a jungle in the way.Copy !req
135. And the jungle would
just be the start of it,Copy !req
136. because on our journey we'd have
to negotiate active volcanoes,Copy !req
137. utterly lifeless deserts and
perilous mountain passes.Copy !req
138. But before all that, we had
to get our cars off the raft.Copy !req
139. Which, as you can plainly see,
would not be easy.Copy !req
140. Clearly!Copy !req
141. Oh, come on!Copy !req
142. 'Trying to move the raft
soon led to a problem. 'Copy !req
143. Holy moly!Copy !req
144. I am sinking.Copy !req
145. Yeah. It's getting deeper! Pull yourself out.Copy !req
146. I cannot pull myself out. Every time the bubbles come out,Copy !req
147. you go in deeper. I know!Copy !req
148. That's brilliant! Oh, God, no.Copy !req
149. As I sank into the ooze,Copy !req
150. my colleagues became
increasingly concerned.Copy !req
151. His plums are in the Amazon, look!Copy !req
152. Go and get a rope or something,
just to tie around my waist.Copy !req
153. All right, we'll get something.Copy !req
154. 'Eventually, and rather reluctantly,Copy !req
155. 'they decided to pull me out
with my Range Rover. 'Copy !req
156. Hammond! Yes! What are you bloody doing?Copy !req
157. You want a proper knot,
don't you? No!Copy !req
158. Just any old knot.Copy !req
159. Will it start?Copy !req
160. ENGINE STALLSCopy !req
161. Oh.Copy !req
162. ENGINE STALLS
Start!Copy !req
163. You brought the wrong car.Copy !req
164. ENGINE STARTS
Ah-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
165. Backwards!Copy !req
166. Pull. Pull.Copy !req
167. You coming up? Yes! Oh, yes!Copy !req
168. Ow! Say when.Copy !req
169. All right. Here we go. Yes.Copy !req
170. Ow, my arm parts. Is it loose enough?Copy !req
171. Yes. Stop, stop, stop.Copy !req
172. Stop. So, as we can see,
my car's best.Copy !req
173. Well, it didn't let you down there,
when it really mattered.Copy !req
174. 'Trying to move the raft
had resulted in nothing moreCopy !req
175. 'than some muddy tide-marks
on my trousers. 'Copy !req
176. My jeans are ruined!Copy !req
177. And so, with half the day gone,
we had to come up with a new plan.Copy !req
178. You know, in the Second World War,
when a submarine was grounded?Copy !req
179. When it had hit the bottom?Copy !req
180. They used to get the crew to run backwards and
forwards and it would sort of shuffle it along.Copy !req
181. Are you suggesting
we run backwards and forwards?Copy !req
182. No, no, no! Use the cars.Copy !req
183. If we go right
to the back of the boat,Copy !req
184. that weighs the back down
and lifts the front up.Copy !req
185. We then charge forward. The act of
doing that will shuffle the boatCopy !req
186. nearer to that bank. That's a good idea!Copy !req
187. 'All we needed to do, then,
was back our cars up a bit. 'Copy !req
188. Oh, no. Hammond! Has anybody got any jump leads?Copy !req
189. Seriously? You're joking. It won't start.Copy !req
190. Just want to get this
completely clear again.Copy !req
191. Range Rover - starting, working
well. Already saved a man's life.Copy !req
192. Land Cruiser - broken down.Copy !req
193. Oh, smoke! Smoke, smoke, quite a lot
of smoke. Something's on fire!Copy !req
194. The starter motor's burn out.Copy !req
195. 'Despite using the
correct technique,Copy !req
196. 'Hammond couldn't
get his car going. 'Copy !req
197. It's on fire again!Copy !req
198. And so, with the sun sinking,
I offered to help.Copy !req
199. Why don't we simply attach it
to the back of the Range RoverCopy !req
200. and I'll you a pull from here?Copy !req
201. Because I'd rather drown myself,
but, yeah, it's... All right!Copy !req
202. What's that noise?Copy !req
203. Insects! Massive insects. Millions of them.Copy !req
204. Just hurry up, quickly! All right, move forwards.Copy !req
205. Mind your head!Copy !req
206. 'As the light faded, we lined upCopy !req
207. 'for the most ambitious
jump-start in history. 'Copy !req
208. And... stop.Copy !req
209. Three, two, one, go!Copy !req
210. Sorry! What did you do that for?Copy !req
211. My breaks aren't very good!
Did it work? No.Copy !req
212. Try again!Copy !req
213. What happened? Nothing.Copy !req
214. And... stop.Copy !req
215. Three, two, one, go.Copy !req
216. Try again! That's the good thing
about Range Rovers,Copy !req
217. they can do this all night.Copy !req
218. Yes, yes. When this thing starts,
it'll brilliant.Copy !req
219. 'The morning light
revealed our progress. 'Copy !req
220. Sitrep... Everything we tried
in the night didn't work.Copy !req
221. But we have found peanuts.Copy !req
222. 'Rather embarrassingly,
James then discovered something. 'Copy !req
223. These planks are longer than that one
you've been falling down constantly.Copy !req
224. If you get in here and
grab the other end...Copy !req
225. Are they long enough to...?
Two together will.Copy !req
226. 'Soon, we had a ramp and our first
car was ready to disembark. 'Copy !req
227. Watch the long-haired man.Copy !req
228. Let's see his back wheels on.
Don't stand there.Copy !req
229. Do you want us to help you?
You're all right.Copy !req
230. You're all right this side.Copy !req
231. You're all right.Copy !req
232. Yes!Copy !req
233. Oh! Four-wheel drive! It is
four-wheel drive, you half-wit.Copy !req
234. Well, why are the front wheels
not doing anything?Copy !req
235. Don't tell me they don't work.
Try again! Say when...Copy !req
236. OK! It's not good!Copy !req
237. That's stuck now.Copy !req
238. 'The whole weight of James'
three-wheel drive SuzukiCopy !req
239. 'was resting on our ramp.Copy !req
240. 'So we had to build another one. 'Copy !req
241. You're all right. Right.Copy !req
242. Range Rover, British engineering,
don't let me down.Copy !req
243. To the left.Copy !req
244. Poo is coming out.Copy !req
245. Here we go!Copy !req
246. Now that's what I call
four-wheel drive!Copy !req
247. Having rescued a man from the ooze,Copy !req
248. the mighty Range Rover would now
rescue the Suzuki.Copy !req
249. There's only an ounce to pull.Copy !req
250. Please be gentle with this,
Jeremy, and not a yob.Copy !req
251. Power!Copy !req
252. Got him. Stop, stop, stop!Copy !req
253. Yes, that's it!Copy !req
254. What a pillock!Copy !req
255. 'I then lined up
to pull the brakeless,Copy !req
256. 'powerless Toyota down the ramp. 'Copy !req
257. We were supposed to be
averaging 100 miles a day.Copy !req
258. So far, we've done, well,
I've done, about 20 feet.Copy !req
259. Ready?Copy !req
260. No. Right, he's ready. Gently.Copy !req
261. Oh, dear God.Copy !req
262. Go.Copy !req
263. Ha, ha, ha!Copy !req
264. 'Finally, we were all off the raft.Copy !req
265. 'And, as a reward, the producers
gave us a box of thingsCopy !req
266. 'to help us survive
the perils that lay ahead. 'Copy !req
267. Chainsaw. That's good, that's useful.Copy !req
268. What is this? I know what
that is, that's a winch.Copy !req
269. Some rubber tubing.Copy !req
270. Durex. Condoms? Vaseline.Copy !req
271. Tampax... and...Copy !req
272. Viagra. I know we're gonna
be in the jungle together,Copy !req
273. but that's a bit extreme. What
kind of party are they planning?Copy !req
274. 'We loaded up
the Ann Summers box... 'Copy !req
275. '.. jump started Hammond's car... 'Copy !req
276. Yee-ha! Is that working? Now you're gonna see!Copy !req
277. Go! Fire it up! Jungle!Copy !req
278. '.. and got cracking. 'Copy !req
279. 'The jungle was a worthy adversary. 'Copy !req
280. Oh!Copy !req
281. 'But, for hour after hour,
we battled our way through. 'Copy !req
282. Do you want more?Copy !req
283. This is the marker!Copy !req
284. Rainforest. Shit. Good job!Copy !req
285. Guys... I left my phone down
by the river.Copy !req
286. Oh, God.Copy !req
287. Dipstick. I'm going
to have to go and get it.Copy !req
288. Just wait here, I'll go get it.Copy !req
289. Take care.Copy !req
290. Oh! Oh, mate. Finally,
we are making progress.Copy !req
291. Hammond! Yeah?Copy !req
292. Did I leave it on that rock?Copy !req
293. No, it was on the stump I tied
the raft too. Just by the rock.Copy !req
294. OK, got it! OK.Copy !req
295. Got it. Good. Let's move!Copy !req
296. Now we're making progress,
let's keep up the momentum.Copy !req
297. 'Soon, we found a logging trackCopy !req
298. 'where finally we could
get to know our cars. 'Copy !req
299. Time to find out what
is working on my Range Rover.Copy !req
300. All these dials in the middle
made by Smiths - so, no.Copy !req
301. Speedo, no.Copy !req
302. The Range Rover was designed by
a man called Charles Spencer-King,Copy !req
303. who was, no question, a genius.Copy !req
304. Unfortunately, it was
then made in the Midlands,Copy !req
305. just "that'll do".
Everything was "that'll do".Copy !req
306. An UNBELIEVABLE piece of design,
ruined by minkies.Copy !req
307. That said, however,Copy !req
308. I seem to have bought the only 1980s
Range Rover in the world that works.Copy !req
309. Given that Land Cruisers are
legendarily reliable and bulletproof,Copy !req
310. this one isn't.Copy !req
311. Oil pressure gauge, not working.
Temperature gauge, not working.Copy !req
312. Fuel gauge... dunno.Copy !req
313. Brakes not working.Copy !req
314. That makes this one more special.Copy !req
315. I have bought the only malfunctioning
Land Cruiser in the world.Copy !req
316. And it is unique and therefore
probably priceless.Copy !req
317. 'Sure, my Suzuki only
had three-wheel drive,Copy !req
318. 'but I wasn't going to let that
tiny detail spoil the day. 'Copy !req
319. You're probably looking at
this Suzuki and thinking,Copy !req
320. "It's small and comical, it's a toy
off-road, it's for hairdressers,"Copy !req
321. And all the rest of it, but I'll
tell you what it is - it's plucky.Copy !req
322. It's a bit like Finland in the war.Copy !req
323. Look at Jeremy's Range Rover
lumbering alongCopy !req
324. this great, heavy beast of burden.Copy !req
325. this is like a little mountain goat,
it just skips along. 'May?'Copy !req
326. Talk of the devil. Hello.Copy !req
327. Just to let you know, one of your
rear lights is hanging off,Copy !req
328. but it's OK, I can mend it for you
with a small Phillips on my belt.Copy !req
329. The voice there of the missing
member of Van Halen.Copy !req
330. 'Darkness fell,
but the temperature didn't. 'Copy !req
331. How can it be this hot at midnight?
How's that possible?Copy !req
332. 'Hammond, however, had more to worry
about than the heat. 'Copy !req
333. Ow! What the BLEEP is that?Copy !req
334. There's something in here
squeaking at me, I'm... Oh, ho!Copy !req
335. Bleurgh! Ah!Copy !req
336. Oh! OH! What is that?Copy !req
337. Oh! BLEEP.Copy !req
338. I can't stand that! I can't stand
that! I've gotta get out!Copy !req
339. 'Blashford-Hammond insisted
we made camp,Copy !req
340. 'where, to cheer him up,
I read him some bedtime stories. 'Copy !req
341. This is a book about
all the creaturesCopy !req
342. that live in the rainforest
that Mr Sting hasn't told us about.Copy !req
343. Would you like to hear about the...Copy !req
344. Brazilian Wandering Spider?Copy !req
345. Not really, no.Copy !req
346. "Causes around five human
fatalities a year...Copy !req
347. "lives on the forest floor. "Copy !req
348. SCREECHINGCopy !req
349. What is that?Copy !req
350. Head torch. I'm looking for...
What's it called? Wandering Spider.Copy !req
351. Ooh, the botfly.
Now, this is a marvellous thing.Copy !req
352. "The botfly cannot
sting a human directly,Copy !req
353. "but catches smaller insects,Copy !req
354. "lays its larvae upon them
and then releases them.Copy !req
355. "If the smaller, host insect
then bites the human,Copy !req
356. "the botfly larvae are
impregnated into the skin.Copy !req
357. "The larvae then pupates
inside the skin,Copy !req
358. "at which point they EAT their
way out and fly away.Copy !req
359. "The BBC Natural History Unit
reports the case of a manCopy !req
360. "who was bitten behind the ear
and kept awake at nightCopy !req
361. "by the sound of the botfly larvae
eating the flesh inside his head. "Copy !req
362. 'Hammond didn't have a good night. 'Copy !req
363. What's that?Copy !req
364. Argh! Argh!Copy !req
365. Stick insect!Copy !req
366. There's big things on my head!Copy !req
367. Oh, what is that?Copy !req
368. There's something just flew in my
hair and it's squeaking at me!Copy !req
369. It's big! It's really...Copy !req
370. 'And, to be honest, he didn't
have a great morning either. 'Copy !req
371. Who has done this?Copy !req
372. 'To get away from the creepy-crawlies,
I sought refuge in my car. 'Copy !req
373. OK. Guys?Copy !req
374. Ooh. There is a snake in your car.Copy !req
375. He's coming up here.
He's coming up here.Copy !req
376. It's known locally as
"the big vicious killer snake. "Copy !req
377. Thanks.Copy !req
378. Our raggedy convoy hit the trail
with Hammond still moaning.Copy !req
379. Who's got my trouser-leg?Copy !req
380. Has your trouser-leg gone missing?Copy !req
381. 'We soldiered on with the Range Rover up front,
forging a path through the dense jungle. 'Copy !req
382. Look at it - rescuing other cars,
ploughing through here.Copy !req
383. My sweat being soaked up
by the floor!Copy !req
384. But soon, the strain of point duty
began to show.Copy !req
385. This is now smelling hot, this car.Copy !req
386. I can smell Jeremy's Range Rover from back here
- it smells of imminent failure.Copy !req
387. 'I was right. 'Copy !req
388. Range Rover's just stopped working.Copy !req
389. That honestly wasn't very funny three
series ago and it's not funny now.Copy !req
390. I'm not doing it on purpose. No, I
haven't got any brakes. That's how I stop.Copy !req
391. Oh, no. Oh... No.
James, it's over-heated.Copy !req
392. What a rotten bit of luck.Copy !req
393. Missing! Broken!Copy !req
394. Your fault, because I have been
forging a path through this stuff.Copy !req
395. Bamboo has gone into it and broken my
fan and now my engine's overheating.Copy !req
396. The plucky Brit has wounded itself
helping you out.Copy !req
397. Your plucky British car has been
defeated by... What was it? Bamboo?Copy !req
398. How did it get in there? What kind of design is it if
a piece of bamboo can get in there and break the fan?Copy !req
399. Bamboo?Copy !req
400. Without this,
would you still be on the boat?Copy !req
401. Yes, you would. Yes. You would still
be on the river-bank.Copy !req
402. This is the hero of the day.Copy !req
403. We passed the time by bickering
until the engine had cooled down.Copy !req
404. I love the V8 rumble. Nice.Copy !req
405. It's very mighty.Copy !req
406. ENGINE STARTSCopy !req
407. Yes!Copy !req
408. The mighty Spitfire is down,
but not out.Copy !req
409. 'We battled on through
the undergrowth. 'Copy !req
410. There, that's a gear.Copy !req
411. We did that
without breaking anything.Copy !req
412. Whoa!Copy !req
413. 'Eventually, Hammond
and May stopped. 'Copy !req
414. Sorry!Copy !req
415. Because we had reached
a small gully.Copy !req
416. That's pretty steep.Copy !req
417. What?Copy !req
418. That's a bit of a gully, I think
they call it. I'm just going todrive down and out the other side.Copy !req
419. No. You can't.Copy !req
420. What is the biggest strength
with the Range Rover?Copy !req
421. The wheel hits the bottom
before the front of the car.Copy !req
422. If you look at a Porsche Cayenne
or your car,Copy !req
423. there's about 18 feet of car
in front of the wheels.Copy !req
424. This car cannot do that.
It won't make...Copy !req
425. I'm going down. You two, stand back.Copy !req
426. Watch and learn.Copy !req
427. If you believe something
will happen, it will happen.Copy !req
428. Low range. That was reverse.Copy !req
429. Pointless handbrake off.Copy !req
430. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
431. Oh, brilliant.Copy !req
432. Yeah, so you're now stuck in a whole.Copy !req
433. Just lock the diffs. Just...Copy !req
434. You great, dozy,
woolly-haired pillock.Copy !req
435. It needs to be winched out. I knew that a while back.Copy !req
436. 'I fired up the winch on my Suzuki. 'Copy !req
437. James, winch me up.Copy !req
438. Is it moving?Copy !req
439. It's coming. It's trying hard.Copy !req
440. Come on.Copy !req
441. It is coming free.Copy !req
442. Uh, guys? Oh, my God. Uh, James. It won't stop.Copy !req
443. That didn't work.Copy !req
444. Go on, then. Drive it out. It won't drive out. It just won't.Copy !req
445. 'Mystic Hammond was right. 'Copy !req
446. That nearly worked.Copy !req
447. 'At last, my Toyota
could regain some dignity.Copy !req
448. 'First pulling out the Suzuki
and then the idiot's Range Rover. 'Copy !req
449. Whoa! I'm hanging.Copy !req
450. Look at my little donkey
pulling the Range Rover out.Copy !req
451. 'We realised we'd have
to build a bridge,Copy !req
452. 'which made one of us very excited. 'Copy !req
453. I am the god of hellfire.Copy !req
454. Has he got a chainsaw?Copy !req
455. CHAINSAW STARTSCopy !req
456. Oh, yes!Copy !req
457. Oh, God!Copy !req
458. 'We set about building our bridge.Copy !req
459. 'And since James had the lightest car,
Jeremy and I decided he should go first. 'Copy !req
460. I declare this ready, steady, strong.
Get in your car and drive over.Copy !req
461. Left!Copy !req
462. Looks like your back wheels
are beautiful, actually.Copy !req
463. I think you're about right
from this side.Copy !req
464. 'What James really needed at this point
was clear instructions from us two. 'Copy !req
465. If anything, a little bit left.
Little bit left, James.Copy !req
466. I'm sorry. On this side,
I would say, not left.Copy !req
467. Left or right?Copy !req
468. James, what I'd do
at this point is power.Copy !req
469. Maximum power.Copy !req
470. You're going to need to engage...
There you go. There you go.Copy !req
471. ENGINE REVSCopy !req
472. Now, we're talking.Copy !req
473. 'Eventually, the three-wheel drive
Suzuki made it.Copy !req
474. 'So then, as night fell,
it was Jeremy's turn,Copy !req
475. 'in the much heavier
and much wider Range Rover. 'Copy !req
476. Whoa!Copy !req
477. Left hand down. Think of it as going
on the outer log on this side.Copy !req
478. It's not looking goodfrom where I am. No, I imagine not.Copy !req
479. I can't see the back wheel.Copy !req
480. It's all right. Keep going... I think.Copy !req
481. You're about to touch down.Copy !req
482. Nice work! Oh.Copy !req
483. God almighty, that was scary.Copy !req
484. 'As I lined up, it was almost
completely dark. 'Copy !req
485. Hammond, I'm afraid,
we simply can't see anything.Copy !req
486. We don't know.Copy !req
487. Left a bit. This is quite frightening.Copy !req
488. Stop.Copy !req
489. Oh, I've got no brakes!Copy !req
490. Hang on. Hang on.Copy !req
491. Come on.Copy !req
492. Right, you've got the front wheels
on, mate.Copy !req
493. Make it so. Let's see
if it can make this verge.Copy !req
494. Lovely.Copy !req
495. Oh, that feels good. Ha!Copy !req
496. 'We drove on through the night with the charms
of the rainforest starting to wear quite thin. 'Copy !req
497. It is extraordinary
if you think about it.Copy !req
498. In South America, there are
no elephants, kangaroos,Copy !req
499. lions, hyenas, honey badgers.Copy !req
500. There's nothing interesting at all.
It's all just insects designedCopy !req
501. to make you have a debilitating,
agonising death.Copy !req
502. I'd love to know
how hot this engine is.Copy !req
503. Very is what I'm thinking.Copy !req
504. 'So when we made camp that night,Copy !req
505. 'I decided to cut
some vents in the bonnet. 'Copy !req
506. Jeremy, my car's on fire.
Well, put beer on it.Copy !req
507. There's a fire extinguisher
in the car.Copy !req
508. You set my car on fire.
I haven't got my glasses.Copy !req
509. Pull the bloody pin out.
You burned my Toyota!Copy !req
510. Thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
511. Right, day three... Four!Copy !req
512. Uh, it clings.Copy !req
513. OK.Copy !req
514. Ladies and gentlemen, David Lee Roth
in the morning. Here he is.Copy !req
515. James?Copy !req
516. What we've done... Don't do that.Copy !req
517. What we've done is accidentally
camped on a road.Copy !req
518. Who's this bloke on a bike?Copy !req
519. Morning. Morning.Copy !req
520. He's going to work
and we're camping on the A1.Copy !req
521. Yup.Copy !req
522. I can't remember if I took
my malaria pill this morning.Copy !req
523. If I were a girl,
I'd be pregnant a lot.Copy !req
524. If you're watching this in smellovision, I
apologise because the smell in here is disgusting.Copy !req
525. It's me.Copy !req
526. I absolutely reek!Copy !req
527. Luckily, we then got a shower.Copy !req
528. Well, one of us did.Copy !req
529. Hammond? Yes. How wet
are you getting in this rain?Copy !req
530. It's not bad, actually.Copy !req
531. It's quite a lot wetter here.Copy !req
532. How can the rain be heavier there
that it is over here?Copy !req
533. That's a river.Copy !req
534. 'It was indeed a river and one that
we'd have to crossCopy !req
535. 'which meant that we'd have to use stuff from
the Ann Summers chest to waterproof our cars. 'Copy !req
536. Right. These are condoms. Do you two
need some time to yourselves?Copy !req
537. Have you got those Tampax? Wh... What?Copy !req
538. What are you planning?
I'll tell you my big problem.Copy !req
539. It's my fuel filler cap.
If water gets in there...Copy !req
540. You're in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
541. If I put a Tampax in there,Copy !req
542. it will expand width-ways
and I've seen the adverts.Copy !req
543. I'll be able to go roller-blading
with a poodleCopy !req
544. or drive a Range Rover through
a river in the Amazon delta.Copy !req
545. James was suspiciously skilful
with the Vaseline and the condoms.Copy !req
546. And soon, we were ready
to enter the river.Copy !req
547. HE HUMSCopy !req
548. Now, do I follow in Hammond's wheel-marks
on the basis that we know how deep it is,Copy !req
549. or do I think, "He's an incompetent
fool and go somewhere else?"Copy !req
550. 'As it turned out,
I was an incompetent fool. 'Copy !req
551. That's looking DEEP!Copy !req
552. Oh-ho!Copy !req
553. Please, keep going.
Little donkey, swim!Copy !req
554. Swim, swim. There you go.Copy !req
555. This is when, suddenly, the
Land Cruiser comes into its own.Copy !req
556. Yeah, there's maybe more comfortable
things that will get you there,Copy !req
557. but the Land Cruiser
will always get you home.Copy !req
558. Meanwhile...Copy !req
559. It's stopped!Copy !req
560. Aah! Water's coming in to my car.Copy !req
561. 'This caused problems for James. 'Copy !req
562. You're going to have to go
round the outside.Copy !req
563. Straight ahead there. I'll tell you
when to go right hand down.Copy !req
564. Good. There.Copy !req
565. Oh, God!Copy !req
566. Cock!Copy !req
567. Good, good. That's two. OK.Copy !req
568. Why did I listen to you,
you imbecile!Copy !req
569. 'Rather than accept another winch from the Toyota,
the Range Rover decided to start on its own. 'Copy !req
570. ENGINE STARTSCopy !req
571. Ha-ha!Copy !req
572. 'Thus removing the obstacle James had
been trying to avoid when he got stuck. 'Copy !req
573. As far as I can work out,
he's dragging it even deeper.Copy !req
574. Hoi, it's floating.Copy !req
575. There's a lot of bubbles came out
of your petrol-filler cap.Copy !req
576. That's air. But they've been
replaced with water.Copy !req
577. 'This whole episode
made James very angry. 'Copy !req
578. If you hadn't tried to be clever and
if your car wasn't so unreliable,Copy !req
579. I wouldn't have had to go round the outside in
my small off-roader and I wouldn't have sunk.Copy !req
580. Unreliable? It stalled! It stalled! It started again.Copy !req
581. Mine will start again.Copy !req
582. The rainforest
is just getting worse.Copy !req
583. I'll tell you something, if you look over
there, would you not think it's getting thinner?Copy !req
584. 'It was and soon, our battered cars
emerged from the trees.Copy !req
585. 'At last, we were out of the
spider-infested sweatbox.Copy !req
586. 'But ten minutes later, James and
Richard wished they were back in it. 'Copy !req
587. Oh, God!Copy !req
588. Stop it!Copy !req
589. Just answer me this simple question,
how comfortable are you two right now?Copy !req
590. It's like a big, feather mattress.
I really am... relaxing. Yeah.Copy !req
591. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
592. Have I broken James' spine? There
will be two Ted Nugents in a minute.Copy !req
593. Oh, I'm so sick of that noise!
Stop rattling at me!Copy !req
594. We spent the night in a town where
there were baths and bedroomsCopy !req
595. and then we hit the road once more.Copy !req
596. Oh, here we are.
This is cocaine country.Copy !req
597. Kate Moss's delicatessen.Copy !req
598. Obviously we can't drive
through this regionCopy !req
599. without registering our disgust at
the violent, reprehensible drugs tradeCopy !req
600. that brings misery
to so many millions.Copy !req
601. May, have you seen what Hammond
has written on his car?Copy !req
602. Yeah, I don't think he's understood
what we're trying to do here.Copy !req
603. Hammond, are you feeling
ashamed of yourself?Copy !req
604. There was an opportunity and I took
it. But what about the untoldmisery to millions?Copy !req
605. "Untold misery to millions"?
Are the ratings really that good?Copy !req
606. Ha ha ha.Copy !req
607. As we left town, we started to climb and
that was a problem for the Range Rover.Copy !req
608. Every time we go up any form of
gradient, for any period of time,Copy !req
609. the engine gets very, very warm. Still
nothing's working apart from the demist.Copy !req
610. 'Soon the engine became so hot,
I had to get radical. 'Copy !req
611. The scope of my engineering genius,
literally, knows no bounds.Copy !req
612. Because, as you can see,
the vents I cut in the bonnetCopy !req
613. are now windows.Copy !req
614. So I can see where I'm going,
the engine is cool. All is well.Copy !req
615. Sooner or later, Jeremy has to admit that
the Range Rover isn't working properly.Copy !req
616. We were only 110 miles from La Paz, but
between us and it was the Camino Del Muerte -Copy !req
617. the death road - the most
dangerous highway in the world.Copy !req
618. Over the years, the sheer, unguarded
drops have claimed hundreds of lives.Copy !req
619. And to make matters worse, Captain Terrified-of-heights
didn't really have the car for the job.Copy !req
620. James? Yes.Copy !req
621. I don't know about the rear
suspension design on a Suzuki.Copy !req
622. The shock absorber is traditionally attached
at both ends. That's not absorbing shocks.Copy !req
623. It's bouncing around on the spring.Copy !req
624. That does affect your control quite
badly - not having a shock absorber.Copy !req
625. I'm glad you said that up here,
Hammond, on my favourite road.Copy !req
626. Hang on, before you go. What?Copy !req
627. I genuinely don't like heights. It's my biggest failing, among many
- I accept.Copy !req
628. You know the, you drive into the back
of my car and it's very funny, joke?Copy !req
629. Oh, you want me to drive into him?Copy !req
630. I'll cut your BLEEP head off. You
will need a beep there, BBC Two.Copy !req
631. I can understand that.Copy !req
632. Uh, my car is perfect in every way,
apart from it not starting.Copy !req
633. So could you, if you wouldn't mind,
push me?Copy !req
634. So you want me to push your car with
my car, now, on this road here? Yes.Copy !req
635. There's no alternative.Copy !req
636. OK, here I come.Copy !req
637. Careful, careful.Copy !req
638. BUMPER CRUNCHESCopy !req
639. I wasn't as careful as I could have
been. Sorry.Copy !req
640. HE SNIGGERSCopy !req
641. Pretty soon, we saw why the road
had earned its name.Copy !req
642. God almighty, that is high!Copy !req
643. That is a massive, massive drop!Copy !req
644. This is insane.Copy !req
645. Whoa!Copy !req
646. The grasses stick up and you don't
necessarily see what a long way down it is,Copy !req
647. then you get one of those gaps...Copy !req
648. and you see down
and it is a long way.Copy !req
649. There's one there.Copy !req
650. 'The dust didn't help either. 'Copy !req
651. Oh, gee. Look at that.
That's narrow.Copy !req
652. HORN TOOTSCopy !req
653. I don't understand the rules
on this road.Copy !req
654. You seem to drive one minute on the
left and one minute on the right.Copy !req
655. Sometimes the lorry stops to let you
go through. Sometimes they don't.Copy !req
656. Some lorries pull over, others come barrelling up behind
you doing three and a half times the speed of sound.Copy !req
657. It's completely baffling.Copy !req
658. Thank you.Copy !req
659. I'm coming up against the truck.
I've got to go past himCopy !req
660. and that means going on that side.Copy !req
661. Looking straight ahead.Copy !req
662. Breathe.Copy !req
663. Moments later, James slowed down
to let a mad local get past.Copy !req
664. HORN TOOTSCopy !req
665. Does that mean there's one of those
maniacal taxi drivers?Copy !req
666. and I didn't.Copy !req
667. Oh, God!Copy !req
668. BUMPERS CRUNCHCopy !req
669. Sorry, I was watching the taxi. You're now going to get macheted
to death.Copy !req
670. I was watching the taxi! I don't
care. Did I or did I not warn you?Copy !req
671. James is killing Jeremy,
but things are going well.Copy !req
672. I was watching the taxi. Youweren't. I was watching the taxi.Copy !req
673. Did your co-presenter just attack
you with a machete? Yes, he did.Copy !req
674. He was quite cross cos I ran intohim. That doesn't happen on clothes
programmes or gardening shows.Copy !req
675. 'As we climbed higher, life in the already
battered Toyota became truly terrifying. 'Copy !req
676. That's my steering.
I'm inches from death, there.Copy !req
677. The steering wheel
doesn't do anything.Copy !req
678. My brakes stick when I'm going uphill
so the clutch slips.Copy !req
679. I can't breathe
because the dust gets in.Copy !req
680. Oh, God! That's real fear now.Copy !req
681. Going downhill, the same brakes that
stick on going uphill, don't stop me.Copy !req
682. Ugh!Copy !req
683. 'The Suzuki too
was showing the strain. 'Copy !req
684. BLEEP.Copy !req
685. HE GROWLSCopy !req
686. What is the matter? It's got dirt
in the fuel system from the river.Copy !req
687. So it's broken? It's not broken.
Occasionally, a bit of it goes through.Copy !req
688. Your simple, cheap car is broken.Copy !req
689. 'Sticking to the code of the Top Gear
brotherhood, I left James and Richard behind. 'Copy !req
690. It just goes to show they are badly-made
these Japanese cars. They're badly-made.Copy !req
691. 'James and I decided
to stick together. 'Copy !req
692. He's never going to go round us.
My God, he is.Copy !req
693. That's insane.Copy !req
694. Right. I'm in a ditch.Copy !req
695. OK.Copy !req
696. I didn't see this.Copy !req
697. Whoa-ho! What a thing to miss.Copy !req
698. Right.Copy !req
699. 'No biggie, though, because my colleague
would winch me out in a jiffy. 'Copy !req
700. Hold on. What? The winch isn't working.Copy !req
701. I'm now all on my own on Death Road. I have
no idea where Ray Mears and Ted Nugent are.Copy !req
702. They've just disappeared. We have
no phones. They're not on the radio.Copy !req
703. They could be dead.Copy !req
704. 'We would, in fact, be dead quite soon, judging
by the mood of the angry, stuck locals. 'Copy !req
705. Good luck. Thank you. Handbrake off etc.Copy !req
706. The ditch is going to level outso it'll be fine. There you go.Copy !req
707. What a nice man.Copy !req
708. 'Soon, though, I wished I'd stayed in the ditch
because the Toyota developed yet another fault. 'Copy !req
709. Something's broken
on that back corner.Copy !req
710. This is pretty close
to unbearable now.Copy !req
711. Christ!Copy !req
712. Meanwhile, very far ahead...Copy !req
713. I'm now 5,500 feet above sea level
and still climbing.Copy !req
714. Oh, God, crosses.Copy !req
715. A lot of crosses there.Copy !req
716. And then, underneath a waterfall, I learned
why there were so many crosses up here.Copy !req
717. Oh, my God.Copy !req
718. No.Copy !req
719. Oh, my...Copy !req
720. Stop there!Copy !req
721. That is going. That is going.Copy !req
722. CREAKING
Bloody hell.Copy !req
723. We were still miles back.Copy !req
724. It was almost dark and, worse still, James'
alternator wasn't charging the battery.Copy !req
725. How much is running your car with headlights
on going to shorten the life of the batteryCopy !req
726. and then kill the engine?Copy !req
727. I don't know exactly,
but by quite a bit.Copy !req
728. They're already getting a bit dim,
to be honest.Copy !req
729. God, this is murder.Copy !req
730. Pretty soon, the inevitable happened.Copy !req
731. My car is now dead
and without a new battery.Copy !req
732. 'Since the alternator was one of
the few things working on the Toyota,Copy !req
733. 'I swapped my live battery
for James' dead one. 'Copy !req
734. I think it was good of me to donate
my battery. Yes, it was.Copy !req
735. Yes, it was. This time, we're not
going to run with your lights off.Copy !req
736. No, OK. We'll use the torches.Copy !req
737. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
738. OK, I've waited till nightfall here
at the summit of the death road.Copy !req
739. My colleagues aren't here,
which means they must be dead.Copy !req
740. I've therefore made them these
rather touching memorials.Copy !req
741. With the torches fitted,Copy !req
742. this was my view of Death Road.Copy !req
743. Hammond, I want to say something to you
that I wouldn't say at any other time.Copy !req
744. 'What?'Copy !req
745. Please don't leave me.Copy !req
746. Oh, God, those words will stay with me.
I'll struggle to get over that. No, I won't.Copy !req
747. The next morning,
we were all reunited in La Paz,Copy !req
748. the world's highest
and worst capital city.Copy !req
749. But as we waited for
our next instructions,Copy !req
750. the mood was frosty.Copy !req
751. Are you ready? No.Copy !req
752. La Paz... I still haven't actually
forgiven you as such.Copy !req
753. It's not like we're being all matey now and have
forgotten you abandoned us to die, just so you know.Copy !req
754. I couldn't go back to the hotel,
eat steak, have a beer,Copy !req
755. and go to bed feeling goodif I'd just left my mates... I had to go to bed.Copy !req
756. Then tell your mates the steak
wasn't very good.Copy !req
757. I thought you were dead.Copy !req
758. I had a simple ceremony up therefor you. Then what did you do?
You went on.Copy !req
759. I said kind words about you.Copy !req
760. What are we doing? Come on. "BetweenLa Paz and the Pacific Ocean,Copy !req
761. "there is the Altiplano where the altitude
will cause you to have a pulmonary oedema.Copy !req
762. "Then there's the Andes where you'll
have a cerebral oedema.Copy !req
763. "And then the Atacama which is
50 times drier than Death Valley.Copy !req
764. "It has never rained.
It's the driest place on EarthCopy !req
765. "and there is no life,
not even bacteria. "Copy !req
766. Given that our lungs and brains
would explode in the desertsCopy !req
767. and mountains that lay between us
and the Pacific,Copy !req
768. we decided to modify our cars a bit.Copy !req
769. So it was time to find a workshop
and cue the music.Copy !req
770. Have you got "Spider In Car"
for Hammond?Copy !req
771. You can't see through the window!Copy !req
772. Stick to hammers.Copy !req
773. That's the precision tool board.
The hammer lives elsewhere.Copy !req
774. The next day, we left La Paz well
prepared for the trials that lay ahead.Copy !req
775. So, I've lifted the Land Cruiser,
obviously. Very simple.Copy !req
776. Gives me room for the bigger, wider
tyres I need for the desert sand.Copy !req
777. Roll cage for safety, obviously.Copy !req
778. Then to get rid of some of
the weight, I've lost the doorsCopy !req
779. because they were very heavy, and the
roof and anything else I didn't need.Copy !req
780. What I've done to prepare for the desert
is team a rather fetching hooded cardiganCopy !req
781. with some old combat trousers
and some big wheels on my car.Copy !req
782. Wow, James has been busy.Copy !req
783. Woo, yes.Copy !req
784. You've modified that, mate.Copy !req
785. As you can see, what I've done with
my car is mended it.Copy !req
786. The modifying brothers were very
pleased with their results.Copy !req
787. Yeah! Ah!Copy !req
788. I'm liking this. Loving this!Copy !req
789. But after a few miles,
the smiles had gone.Copy !req
790. Hammond, I've made my car worse.Copy !req
791. How? It won't ride properlyand the tyres are catchingon the wheel arches.Copy !req
792. It's got no power any more.Copy !req
793. Oh, God.Copy !req
794. I am having to work my engine
quite hard.Copy !req
795. The problem is, you put bigger wheels
on, it has the effect of gearing it up.Copy !req
796. First gear is like starting in
third... it's hard work.Copy !req
797. The long and the short of it,
I've rather ruined it.Copy !req
798. James has just overtaken me
in his 1 oz box.Copy !req
799. That face is smug, I don't like it.Copy !req
800. Because I'd made my car better,Copy !req
801. as we climbed onto the Altiplano,Copy !req
802. I could relax and enjoy
the backdrop.Copy !req
803. Look at that sky.Copy !req
804. That's one of the best skies
I've seen for a very long time.Copy !req
805. James, does it get hotter or colder
when you're at altitude? I've forgotten.Copy !req
806. I'm pretty sure it gets much hotter.
No, no, hang on. Colder.Copy !req
807. There's only one way we can accurately determine
the temperature and that's by asking our colleague.Copy !req
808. I know what you're thinking,
I'm fine.Copy !req
809. As darkness fell, we pulled into
a petrol station.Copy !req
810. In the shop, we found a bit more
than Kit Kats and pies.Copy !req
811. Wait a minute. Caramelised cocaine. That's something
you don't see in every motorway service station.Copy !req
812. Wow. You take it and thenyou talk for hours.Copy !req
813. Let's have that.Copy !req
814. In fact, the sweet is made from coca
leaves which are legal and used by localsCopy !req
815. to ward off the effects
of altitude sickness.Copy !req
816. Hammond found them very moreish.Copy !req
817. They're nice, they're caramelised.
I've had about six.Copy !req
818. Luckily, this had no effect at all.Copy !req
819. all the camping gear, then when
you got there, this was before the M5,Copy !req
820. there was like a high bit and a low bit and
we used to say, "Is this the high/low bit?"Copy !req
821. And Mum and Dad would say, "Yeah". And
then we knew how far it was to Weston.Copy !req
822. I always thought Bristol was a bit
scruffy, but actually it's quite nice...Copy !req
823. The next morning, we woke on the
staggeringly beautiful Bolivian high plains.Copy !req
824. We couldn't see this in the dark
but it's absolutely breathtaking.Copy !req
825. Look at it. It's took my breathaway. There's no breath
to take away.Copy !req
826. We're at 14,000 feet
according to the gizmo.Copy !req
827. 14,000? 14,006 feet. What's that? This measures your sats.Copy !req
828. On Casualty, they always do this.
They put one of these on their finger,Copy !req
829. and it's something to do with how much
oxygen there is in your red blood cells.Copy !req
830. If it's less than 98 or 99,
you've had it.Copy !req
831. And Tina Hobley comes. What's yours?Copy !req
832. 87. That's less. Much less.Copy !req
833. Where's Tina Hobley, then? Just try yours.Copy !req
834. I bet you can't go less than 87.Copy !req
835. That's how ill I am.Copy !req
836. 89. 89? You're nearly dead.Copy !req
837. I AM dead.Copy !req
838. 88, I'm not much better. If you wentinto a doctor's surgery in England,Copy !req
839. with sats of 88, they'd put you in hospital. 84.Copy !req
840. In fact, the only thing
in a dodgier state than meCopy !req
841. were the modifications on my car.Copy !req
842. What's happened? I've broken
my front right spring.Copy !req
843. Completely clean. Sheared it
off both ends. You're joking?Copy !req
844. Bloody hellfire.Copy !req
845. So that is supposed
to be connected to that?Copy !req
846. Yep. It's snapped clean off.Copy !req
847. While trying to mend
the modified suspension,Copy !req
848. there was another problem.
Your prop shaft fell off.Copy !req
849. What? Your prop shaft just fell off.Copy !req
850. Since there was no AA to call, it
took us all morning to get it fixed.Copy !req
851. Ooh!Copy !req
852. But eventually, we were off.Copy !req
853. And apart from James driving
into a village well...Copy !req
854. Sorry... Leave it!Copy !req
855. we made good progress
toward the Chilean border.Copy !req
856. I'm in a fantastic desert,
with my two mates.Copy !req
857. All the cars are working,
look at that, look at that.Copy !req
858. It's great. It's an adventure.Copy !req
859. And soon,
we reached a big milestone.Copy !req
860. One mile, James, and we've done it.
Bolivia.Copy !req
861. Let's roll in as a threesome.Copy !req
862. You look at these three, you'd never
believe they were still running!Copy !req
863. Most scrapyards would reject them.Copy !req
864. At the border post, we were given
the traditional welcome.Copy !req
865. My arse!Copy !req
866. I hope he doesn't find the tampons.
Or, rather worryingly, the Viagra.Copy !req
867. Drugs check over, we entered Chile, where
the scenery became even more sensational.Copy !req
868. Those are flamingos,
they actually are flamingos.Copy !req
869. I've never seen them in the wild.
Wow.Copy !req
870. Unfortunately, we were still
climbing.Copy !req
871. Are you ready? 45 feet to go.Copy !req
872. 30 feet to go.Copy !req
873. Here it comes.Copy !req
874. 5, 4, 3... We're there!Copy !req
875. 15,006 feet!Copy !req
876. Ha! We are now higher than
the highest peak in EuropeCopy !req
877. and we're still driving.Copy !req
878. Soon, the altitude would become
a big issue.Copy !req
879. But the next day,
Hammond had an even bigger one.Copy !req
880. His clutch had gone. Oh, God.Copy !req
881. Oh, come on!Copy !req
882. It won't come out of gear.Copy !req
883. I'm trying to rock it
on the starter motor... Ah!Copy !req
884. There you go.Copy !req
885. We're away, into second,
match the road speed...Copy !req
886. Ooh! Hey-hey! There we go.Copy !req
887. We've just pulled over here
to wait for Hammond.Copy !req
888. Oh! Dust!Copy !req
889. Is that him?Copy !req
890. It is.Copy !req
891. It is. We're back as a three.Copy !req
892. Hammond!Copy !req
893. The donkey lives! Oh, yeah! It lives on.Copy !req
894. At this point,
we had a decision to make.Copy !req
895. We can either go that way,Copy !req
896. which is very long,Copy !req
897. or we can go that way,Copy !req
898. which is short,Copy !req
899. but does mean driving over
an active volcano.Copy !req
900. Short.Copy !req
901. Volcano. Short. I agree.Copy !req
902. Short. Let's do it.Copy !req
903. As we climbed, the air became
thinner and thinner.Copy !req
904. 15,400.Copy !req
905. And climbing.Copy !req
906. We are, definitely, the highest
motorists in the world.Copy !req
907. Apart from George Michael,
obviously.Copy !req
908. Hammond's really got to think ahead
with no clutch.Copy !req
909. He's gotta think ahead with
a brain starved of oxygen.Copy !req
910. What is frightening is when I need to
come to grab first to get up a steep bit.Copy !req
911. Changing down is harder.Copy !req
912. You have to guess how high the engine needs
to be revving and slot the gear lever inCopy !req
913. without a clutch.Copy !req
914. James too was having problems.Copy !req
915. JUDDERING AND GRATINGCopy !req
916. Oh, God, chaps, my transfer
box is jammed.Copy !req
917. But these niggles were overshadowed
by the big one.Copy !req
918. Up at this altitude, this engine
is really struggling.Copy !req
919. For every litre of fuel vapour
it gets through,Copy !req
920. it needs 14 litres of air.Copy !req
921. And there isn't any.Copy !req
922. So, it's just like me... HE GASPSCopy !req
923. That means it's so down on power.Copy !req
924. 'Up here, James's car
had, at best, 20 horsepower.Copy !req
925. 'And as we climbed higher,Copy !req
926. 'we started to suffer as well. 'Copy !req
927. The breathlessness now
is pretty acute.Copy !req
928. Just talking is... hard work.Copy !req
929. I'm starting to feel a bit...Copy !req
930. Jeez... no... I'm feeling reallyCopy !req
931. quite weird.Copy !req
932. 'The terrain levelled out so we pulled
over to catch what we could of our breath. 'Copy !req
933. Do you feel sort of drunkbut it's not pleasant? Yeah.Copy !req
934. Exactly that. My whole head...
I've got room spin.Copy !req
935. 'It was time for drastic action. 'Copy !req
936. Cyanide? No.Copy !req
937. Viagra.Copy !req
938. Eh? Is this the time?Copy !req
939. Apparently, Viagra, for reasons
unknown to scienceCopy !req
940. stops you having an oedema
in your lung.Copy !req
941. I thought it was more the trouser department it
concentrated on. That could be a side effect, yes.Copy !req
942. Down the hatch. Here we go.Copy !req
943. Doesn't work. Nothing's happening.
I can't swallow it.Copy !req
944. Nothing's happening.
I need a drink.Copy !req
945. I'm going to get a massive neck
if I don't get some of that.Copy !req
946. Apparently... that will
save our lives.Copy !req
947. Oh, God.Copy !req
948. I've just taken Viagra!Copy !req
949. On top of the Andes. CHUCKLINGCopy !req
950. 'Sadly, it didn't seem to have
any effect at all. 'Copy !req
951. I'm getting a headache
and I'm feeling sick.Copy !req
952. Come on, come on.Copy !req
953. 'The big question now was this -Copy !req
954. 'which would give out first,
the cars or the men?'Copy !req
955. Come on. Come on!Copy !req
956. Come on.Copy !req
957. Every gear change
is so critical now.Copy !req
958. I get tense about it,
that raises my heart.Copy !req
959. And then I need oxygen
all the more.Copy !req
960. Still there, Hammond? Yeah,
I'm still here. I have to go slowCopy !req
961. because I daren't risk changing up
to third. I won't make it.Copy !req
962. 'OK, mate, we'll slow down. 'Copy !req
963. We're a team up here.
Cos this isn't funny.Copy !req
964. God, Jeremy's talking
about being a team.Copy !req
965. Must be the altitude.Copy !req
966. 'At 16,700 feet,Copy !req
967. 'the Toyota broke down again. 'Copy !req
968. ENGINE STALLSCopy !req
969. 'I think my transfer box
has just gone. 'Copy !req
970. 'James and I stop to help.Copy !req
971. 'And then we couldn't get going
again. 'Copy !req
972. The engines just aren't getting
any air.Copy !req
973. At all.Copy !req
974. There's just no... er...Copy !req
975. James can't get his started.Copy !req
976. I can't get mine started.Copy !req
977. I haven't got any air to work.Copy !req
978. Once we get the Range Rover going,
that's the most likely to start,Copy !req
979. we can geteverything started. Right. Can wemove it? Three, two, heave!Copy !req
980. And go! THEY STRAINCopy !req
981. 'Pushing a Range Rover at this
altitude damn near killed us,Copy !req
982. 'but eventually the big beast fired
and once again,Copy !req
983. 'the most unreliable car in the
world got the others going as well. 'Copy !req
984. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
985. Bloody hell.Copy !req
986. My lips are now tingling.Copy !req
987. I get the feeling something's gotta
give soon.Copy !req
988. Jesus Christ, my head!Copy !req
989. 'At 17,200 feet,
we pulled over - again. 'Copy !req
990. PANTINGCopy !req
991. Hammond? Yeah.Copy !req
992. Even if... the cars could get over that
and I seriously doubt that, I can't.Copy !req
993. Just pushing on's just stupid.Copy !req
994. Seriously, I'm calling it a day. I think you could be right.Copy !req
995. 'We really were in trouble. So, we
turned round and headed back down.Copy !req
996. 'Fast. 'Copy !req
997. 16 two. Still feeling weird.Copy !req
998. Breathing's better.Copy !req
999. With every foot...Copy !req
1000. the engine's gonna run smoother.Copy !req
1001. My body's gonna run smoother.Copy !req
1002. 'We then went the long way round
and finally, drunk on oxygen,Copy !req
1003. 'we made it to the other side
of the Andes. 'Copy !req
1004. DEEP BREATHINGCopy !req
1005. THEY INHALE NOISILY
Air!Copy !req
1006. It's so... so underrated. It's thick.Copy !req
1007. It's like breathing soup.Copy !req
1008. You can bite off pieces of it
and chew it.Copy !req
1009. It's like lung nectar.Copy !req
1010. There is just one small thing
that's occurred to me, chaps.Copy !req
1011. What?Copy !req
1012. Where the hell are we?Copy !req
1013. We were in the Atacama DesertCopy !req
1014. where there is no life at all.Copy !req
1015. Not even on a cellular level.Copy !req
1016. Richard Hammond was the smallest
living organism for miles.Copy !req
1017. There was nothing here at all.Copy !req
1018. Except for one road.Copy !req
1019. Oh, yes.Copy !req
1020. The Pan-American Highway.Copy !req
1021. Running is smooth.Copy !req
1022. The view is spectacular.Copy !req
1023. Temperature is low.Copy !req
1024. 'But the mad dash down the mountain
had been too much once againCopy !req
1025. 'for the modifications
on Hammond's Toyota. 'Copy !req
1026. Better stop. Oh, God.Copy !req
1027. Didn't sound good.Copy !req
1028. You heard something? Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1029. Oh, dear.Copy !req
1030. I think, James, we can safely say
that what's happened thereCopy !req
1031. is my prop-shaft has fallen off.Copy !req
1032. 'And the prop-shaft
was only half of it. 'Copy !req
1033. BLEEP.Copy !req
1034. What's broken? Diff.Copy !req
1035. It's shattered? Absolutely exploded.Copy !req
1036. Good God. I'm surprised
that didn't somersault the car.Copy !req
1037. I've just heard on the radio that
Richard Hammond's Land CruiserCopy !req
1038. is in serious trouble.Copy !req
1039. HE SPUTTERSCopy !req
1040. 'Happily, the Top Gear orang-utan
elected not to stop and help.Copy !req
1041. 'As a result, James and I quickly
got the Toyota working again. 'Copy !req
1042. We reconfigured it,
it's now running.Copy !req
1043. Front wheel drive only
so it's now just its front legsCopy !req
1044. dragging itself along,
still working.Copy !req
1045. 'We were now tantalisingly close to
the Pacific Ocean, the finish line. 'Copy !req
1046. There can be no doubt this has been
our toughest assignment ever.Copy !req
1047. No question about that.
It's nearly killed us,Copy !req
1048. it's nearly killed our cars.Copy !req
1049. 'It is incredible to think
that these cheap carsCopy !req
1050. 'bought unseen on the Internet
had crossed the Amazon rainforest.Copy !req
1051. 'They'd scaled the most dangerous
road in the world.Copy !req
1052. 'They'd still been working when their
drivers had broken down in the Andes.Copy !req
1053. 'We didn't just respect them.
We loved them. 'Copy !req
1054. I have a teddy bear, I've had it
since I was born.Copy !req
1055. One of its arms has fallen off,
one of its eyes is missing,Copy !req
1056. its head's come off more times
than I can mention.Copy !req
1057. To you it would be worthless junk.Copy !req
1058. But to me, it means everything,Copy !req
1059. and it's the same story
with this car.Copy !req
1060. Yeah, the ride's terrible, it's a
bit noisy, doesn't handle that well,Copy !req
1061. and I'm always worried it's going
to fall over,Copy !req
1062. but it's done everything the big boys
have done, hasn't got stuck any more often,Copy !req
1063. and the only time it's really gone
wrong is due to its dunking in the river.Copy !req
1064. I think the plucky little car's
done all right.Copy !req
1065. From the very start of the trip when I couldn't
start it on the raft, I thought, "Oh, no. "Copy !req
1066. But I didn't know it then,
I didn't know how determined it was.Copy !req
1067. This thing is like
that Black KnightCopy !req
1068. in that Monty Python sketchCopy !req
1069. where they're fighting with swords
and he gets his arm cut off.Copy !req
1070. "No, no, 'tis but a scratch!"
It's a great little car.Copy !req
1071. 'As our exhausted convoy drew nearer
to the coast,Copy !req
1072. 'weirdly, the road
started to climb again. 'Copy !req
1073. 40 miles to go and we've got
to drop 2,300 feet to sea level.Copy !req
1074. It must start going downhill
in a minute!Copy !req
1075. 'But it didn't.Copy !req
1076. 'The punishing climb continued. 'Copy !req
1077. I can smell... I can smell...Copy !req
1078. a boiling engine.Copy !req
1079. Is the drop at the other end just sheer,
because we're nearly at the Pacific now?Copy !req
1080. And we're 4,000 feet up.Copy !req
1081. 'Soon, though, we turned off the Pan-America
and headed through the dunes to the finish line,Copy !req
1082. 'where, unfortunately, there was
one more obstacle in the way.Copy !req
1083. 'A big one. 'Copy !req
1084. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
1085. Whoa, wait.Copy !req
1086. Look how bloody steep it is. God above.Copy !req
1087. I can see now
why they said four wheel drive.Copy !req
1088. Er, I've only got three wheel drive. I've only got two.Copy !req
1089. What if you dig in?If you dug in and started to roll,Copy !req
1090. the chances of you being alive
at the bottom... are nil.Copy !req
1091. 'We therefore decided to get some
practice on a smaller dune first. 'Copy !req
1092. Are we ready, chaps?Copy !req
1093. Ready. Ready? Yeah.Copy !req
1094. Three!Copy !req
1095. Two! 'Hold on, hold on. 'Copy !req
1096. Give me strength.
Give me strength.Copy !req
1097. What?Copy !req
1098. Just before we do this,
I wanted to say... Oh, shit.Copy !req
1099. No! Oh, my BLEEP!Copy !req
1100. My donkey!Copy !req
1101. His wheel's come off.Copy !req
1102. Aw!Copy !req
1103. 'Donkey was dead.Copy !req
1104. 'And in some ways, I was relieved.Copy !req
1105. 'Because it meant I no longer
had to drive down that dune. 'Copy !req
1106. This is utterly, utterly,
utterly stupid.Copy !req
1107. I wouldn't do this in
a brand-new Range Rover.Copy !req
1108. James, are you ready?Copy !req
1109. Yeah, I'll be going for
second gear, Jezza.Copy !req
1110. Second gear, low range, and I've got
my diff locks in. Have you?Copy !req
1111. I haven't got diff locks. 'Good luck, boys. 'Copy !req
1112. Three... two... one. Go!Copy !req
1113. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1114. I don't know... Oh, Christ, I don't
know where the wheels are pointing.Copy !req
1115. I don't think so.Copy !req
1116. It's going sideways.Copy !req
1117. Whoa. Whoo oh oh!Copy !req
1118. Don't you dare go sideways again.Copy !req
1119. 'The soft sand was a nightmare
and the gradient meant pretty soonCopy !req
1120. 'we were fighting to keep control. 'Copy !req
1121. Get in a straight line,
you metal BLEEP.Copy !req
1122. Come on!Copy !req
1123. Come on. Oh, it's going
a bit fast now.Copy !req
1124. I'm in a 900-year-old utterly
ruined Range Rover.Copy !req
1125. Argh! Argh!Copy !req
1126. Levelling out. It's levelling out.Copy !req
1127. It's levelling out.Copy !req
1128. Argh! We're down!Copy !req
1129. We're down!Copy !req
1130. Yeah!Copy !req
1131. 'Once again, we had shown what the car,
even when it's an old croc, is capable of.Copy !req
1132. 'Well, two of us had.Copy !req
1133. 'But when we finally regrouped
by the water's edge,Copy !req
1134. 'Hammond still believed
he'd chosen wisely. 'Copy !req
1135. Are you going to try and argue...? It's extraordinarily good.
It's led a very hard life.Copy !req
1136. It died a noble death,
I think valiant.Copy !req
1137. I think rubbish. It has been a
constant source of problems and delays.Copy !req
1138. It was old and arthritic and had been beaten
every day of its life, sick old donkey.Copy !req
1139. These two were old and arthritic
but they are here,Copy !req
1140. and the Land Cruiser is 2,800 feet
above us up there.Copy !req
1141. Forever. Can I just make
the case for the SuzukiCopy !req
1142. cos I know what you're thinking?
Plucky little car.Copy !req
1143. Helped you out a few times. I agree.
Technically, never really broke down. Well...Copy !req
1144. It didn't survive very well
in the puddle.Copy !req
1145. But I'd like to say
most importantly...Copy !req
1146. Mm-hm... the ride is rotten.Copy !req
1147. Yes. And because of that,Copy !req
1148. because it's almost
ruined your spine,Copy !req
1149. and because yours isn't here,Copy !req
1150. we have a startling conclusion
to the show.Copy !req
1151. It turns out that the most
unreliable car in the world...Copy !req
1152. is the most reliable car
in the world.Copy !req
1153. Yeah. It's fair enough.Copy !req
1154. Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the Range Rover.Copy !req
1155. Not what I'd ever expected it...
Nobody expected that.Copy !req
1156. Come on, we can be proud of that.
Proud to be British...Copy !req
1157. E- mail subtitling@bbc. Co. ukCopy !req