Tom Goes to the Mayor 2x7

Directed by

Judd Hirsch as Prisoner (voice) • Bob Odenkirk as Phil Prebscott (voice)

Tom is hired to replace the grass in Memorial Park with his spray on carpet.

Request examples:

!req Tom Goes to the Mayor 2x7 [02:32]
!req Tom Goes to the Mayor 2x7 [Tom Goes to the Mayor 2x7]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Tom Goes to the Mayor 2x7 [10-11]; !req Tom Goes to the Mayor 2x7 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. HI, I'M THE MAYOR, AND MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU.

2. JEFFERTON ALIVE

3. MY NAME IS TOM PETERS AND I'M FULLY OF IDEAS.

4. HOW ARE YOU?

5. HI, SO WHERE WAS I?

6. OH, YEAH, YEAH.

7. I GET HOME FROM A HARD DAY'S WORK, AND AGAIN,

8. THERE WAS THE PEE-PEE AND THE POO-POO

9. ALL OVER MY BEDROOM DOOR.

10. SO I SAY TO MY NEPHEW,

11. WHO IS 15 YEARS OLD, MIND YOU,

12. VICTOR, YOU HAVE TO START USING THE TOILETS

13. WHEN YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE.

14. SO I PUT HIM IN THE CELLAR FOR THE WEEKEND

15. TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.

16. WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME WHERE IS THE HARM IN THAT?

17. WELL, YOU KNOW, CHILDREN THESE DAYS.

18. WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT ME. WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR, KID?

19. WELL, I SUPPOSEDLY, YOU KNOW,

20. KILLED ABOUT 4,000 PEOPLE.

21. PEOPLE ARE TOO SENSITIVE THESE DAYS.

22. ALL RIGHT, OUT WITH IT. WHAT HAPPENED?

23. WELL, IT ALL STARTED A FEW MONTHS AGO.

24. I THOUGHT I WAS FINALLY ON THE VERGE OF SOMETHING BIG.

25. WHERE IS THAT DEVIL?

26. I KNOW YOU'RE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

27. THERE YOU ARE. DARN LAWNMOWER MAN.

28. "OH, I NEED MORE MONEY.

29. BOO-HOO, HOO-HOO."

30. YOU BASTARD!

31. PARDON.

32. AH, GOOD MORNING, SIR.

33. SAY AGAIN?

34. UH, MAYOR'S OFFICE.

35. WHAT?

36. WHO'S THERE, PLEASE?

37. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.

38. SEE, IT'S JUST ME, GOOD OLD TOM PETERS.

39. THAT MAN LOOKS FAMILIAR.

40. WELL, I KNOW THERE'S A NO SOLICITING SIGN OUT THERE,

41. BUT I'M JUST DOING

42. A LITTLE DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMANSHIP HERE.

43. AND I HAVE A PRETTY COOL PRODUCT

44. CALLED SPRAY A CARPET OR RUG.

45. UH, I'M NOT SURE IF YOU HEARD OF THAT OR NOT.

46. I DON'T THINK SO, BUT I DO REMEMBER —

47. I CREATED SPRAY A CARPET OR RUG 17 YEARS AGO IN MY BASEMENT.

48. AND NOW I'M IN A THREE-STORY BUILDING.

49. I HAVE PERSONALLY GIVEN PERMISSION FOR THIS COMEDY SHOW

50. TO USE THE NAME OF MY PRODUCT.

51. BECAUSE EVERYONE DESERVES TO LAUGH. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GRANNY?

52. SAVE MONEY, HONEY.

53. THANKS FOR USING MY PRODUCT.

54. AND THANKS FOR MY THREE-STORY BUILDING.

55. LET ME JUST GET THIS THING GOING FOR YOU HERE.

56. YOU KNOW, SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.

57. WOW, LOOKS JUST LIKE REAL CARPET, TOM.

58. WELL, IT ACTUALLY IS CARPET.

59. FINE, WELL, TELL ME AGAIN,

60. WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT SUIT?

61. WELL, IT TURNS OUT I'M VERY ALLERGIC TO THIS FOAM HERE.

62. SO MY BODY DOESN'T REALLY TAKE TO THE CHEMICALS,

63. IT GOES STRAIGHT TO MY SPINE.

64. HELLO?

65. MAYOR, ARE YOU LISTENING?

66. OH, YOU SILLY BEARDED MAN.

67. I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT I'M GONNA GET YOU.

68. TOM, CAN YOU GET THAT THING IN GREEN?

69. UH, LET ME SEE HERE.

70. YEAH, I THINK SO.

71. GOOD!

72. WELL, MY PLAN IS TO ACTUALLY REPLACE

73. ALL OF THE GRASS IN JEFFERTON WITH CARPETING,

74. USING THIS BRAND-NEW PRODUCT

75. CALLED SPRAY A CARPET OR RUG.

76. THAT WAY WE CAN GET RID OF THE LAWNMOWER MAN FOR GOOD,

77. AS MY CHART CLEARLY DEMONSTRATES HERE.

78. HMM, WELL,

79. I-I DON'T THINK SUBSTITUTING GRASS WITH CARPETING

80. IS THE BEST IDEA FOR OUR COMMUNITY.

81. WELL, IF YOU SEE IN THE BROCHURE THERE,

82. WE HAVE A STAIN FREE GUARANTEE.

83. UH, UH,

84. IN FACT, I THINK SOME OF THESE CHEMICALS

85. COULD BE RATHER HARMFUL TO THE GRASS.

86. AND TO THE PEOPLE ON THE GRASS.

87. GENTLEMEN, DON'T WORRY.

88. THIS STRANGE-LOOKING SCIENTIST ASSURED ME

89. THAT THIS SPRAY A CARPET OR RUG IS PERFECTLY SAFE.

90. UH, YOU KNOW, RANDY, I WOULDN'T BE OPPOSED

91. TO A TRIAL RUN IN MEMORIAL PARK.

92. HOW'S IT GOING?

93. JUST KEEP SMILING, TOM. I THINK THEY'RE GOING FOR IT.

94. SO, I GOT THIS HUGE CONTRACT

95. TO CARPET ALL OF MEMORIAL PARK.

96. GOOD FOR YOU! AN ENTREPRENEUR WITH A DREAM.

97. NOT LIKE MY VICTOR,

98. WHO'S POOPING AND PEEING ON MY DOOR AS WE SPEAK.

99. LOOK AT YOU NOW, HUH,

100. THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.

101. YOU KNOW, IF I WAS YOU, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF.

102. OH, REALLY?

103. HEY, COME HERE.

104. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT, YOU KNOW, SUICIDE?

105. NOT-NOT REALLY.

106. WELL, YOU SORT OF HAVE TO.

107. YOU ARE A FAMILY MAN, RIGHT, TOM?

108. WELL, I DON'T HAVE LIFE INSURANCE.

109. LIFE INSURANCE — THEY GIVE THAT TO YOU.

110. YOU CAN APPLY FOR THAT AFTER, WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.

111. WHEN YOU DO THE THING — YOU KNOW, THE DEAD THING, AFTERWARDS.

112. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

113. OH, WELL, I GUESS I COULD SEE THE APPEAL IN THAT PLAN NOW.

114. BETWEEN YOU AND ME AND THE WALL

115. AND MY POOPING NEPHEW VICTOR,

116. THE ROPE'S THE BEST WAY TO GO.

117. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET A GOOD KNOT GOING SO YOU SNAP THE NECK CLEAN.

118. YOU KNOW, NO MESS.

119. WELL, YOU KNOW, THANKS FOR THE ADVICE ON THAT.

120. I'M SORRY, I INTERRUPTED. YOU WERE TELLING A STORY.

121. OH, UH, WELL, UM, EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT.

122. I FINISHED THE CARPETING IN A REASONABLE TWO HOURS,

123. WHICH I GUESS IS SOME SORT OF WORLD RECORD.

124. WOW, THAT ONLY TOOK ME A REASONABLE TWO HOURS.

125. MUST BE SOME KIND OF WORLD RECORD.

126. HEY, TOM, CHECK THIS OUT.

127. UH, LAWNMOWER MAN, A WORD PLEASE.

128. LOOK WHAT I HAVE HERE — A BIG CHECK.

129. OH, I'M SORRY, THIS CHECK'S ACTUALLY FOR TOM HERE.

130. YOU SEE, YOU WON'T HAVE TO MOW THIS EVER,

131. BECAUSE IT'S CARPET.

132. WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

133. HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.

134. I WENT AHEAD AND BACK-DATED IT ABOUT A WEEK,

135. JUST IN CASE THERE ARE ANY PROBLEMS AHEAD.

136. OKAY. HOW'S THAT?

137. UH, NEVER MIND, TOMMY.

138. PEOPLE ARE JUST GONNA LOVE THIS CARPET GRASS.

139. WHAT?

140. THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?

141. I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT THIS IN MY TRAINING.

142. AND WHATEVER YOU DO,

143. DO NOT EXPOSE THIS STUFF TO DIRECT SUNLIGHT,

144. OR A HORRIBLE BURNING CHEMICAL REACTION

145. WILL OCCUR.

146. AH, DARN IT.

147. A RARE AND DEADLY SKIN CONDITION CAUSED BY THE CARPETING

148. TOM PETERS LAID IN MEMORIAL PARK

149. HAS LEFT HUNDREDS OF JEFFERTONIANS

150. DEAD AND DYING.

151. LET'S GO TO JAN SKYLAR, WHO'S LIVE ON THE SCENE.

152. WELL, IT IS JUST CHAOS DOWN HERE AT MEMORIAL PARK.

153. BUT HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS.

154. I DID MY RESEARCH AND I FOUND THAT WHEN I STUCK MY HEAD

155. DEEP IN THE STINKY GASSES HERE, I FOUND NO SIDE EFFECTS.

156. I FEEL ABSOLUTELY 100% FINE.

157. SO SOMEBODY OUGHTA COME OUT HERE

158. AND TELL ME WHAT ALL THE HOO-HA IS ABOUT, WAYNE.

159. WAYNE, BACK TO YOU.

160. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

161. BOYS!

162. COME IN HERE AND HELP YOUR —

163. FATHER!

164. WE GOTTA GET RID OF THE —

165. EVIDENCE!

166. HONEY, WHERE'D YOU PUT MY HELMET AND HAZMAT SUIT?

167. I THREW THEM AWAY!

168. JOY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

169. WHY DID YOU DO THAT, JOY? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

170. AAAAH!

171. AND BY THE TIME MY SEIZURES PETERED OUT,

172. THE COPS HAD BROKEN DOWN THE DOOR AND DARTED ME,

173. AND, YOU KNOW, I ENDED UP HERE.

174. OH, THOSE POLICE.

175. IT'S THEM WHO SHOULD HAVE THE POOP POOP ON THEIR DOOR.

176. WHAT AM I SAYING?

177. PRETTY SOON, YOU WON'T HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

178. HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

179. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS HERE.

180. OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING —

181. "OH, NO, I'M GONNA BREAK MY NECK ON THIS ROPE.

182. IT'S GONNA HURT SO BAD."

183. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I TRIED IT A FEW TIMES.

184. IT'S JUST A LITTLE BOOP AND WHISH, AND WE'RE DONE HERE.

185. NOW, WOULD YOU JUST RELAX?

186. WELL, I APPRECIATE IT.

187. AND AS I SAID BEFORE, IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

188. OKAY, TOM, YOU'RE A SAINT. IT'S BEEN AN HONOR TO KNOW YOU.

189. AND I'LL NEVER FORGET OUR LOVELY TIME TOGETHER.

190. AND, YOU KNOW, ON A SIDE NOTE, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU AS WELL —

191. HEY, TOM.

192. WHERE-WHERE AM I?

193. MAYOR'S OFFICE.

194. FAIR ENOUGH.

195. TOM, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR GREAT WORK IN MEMORIAL PARK.

196. OH, OKAY.

197. OF COURSE, I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOU UP

198. ON THAT STAIN FREE GUARANTEE.

199. OKAY.

200. UM, WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY?

201. MY FRIEND SAID SOMETHING ABOUT LIFE INSURANCE.

202. SORRY, BUDDY.

203. CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY TURNER STUDIOS

204. JAN, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

205. THAT SHARING OUR LIVES TOGETHER HERE ON THIS NEWS SET,

206. AND IN OUR WONDERFUL HOME

207. HAS BEEN A TRULY INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE.

208. YOU BRING JOY TO MY LIFE,

209. AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.

210. THANK YOU.