1. HI, I'M THE MAYOR, AND MY DOOR
IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU.
Copy !req
2. JEFFERTON ALIVE
Copy !req
3. MY NAME IS TOM PETERS
AND I'M FULLY OF IDEAS.
Copy !req
4. HOW ARE YOU?
Copy !req
5. HI, SO WHERE WAS I?
Copy !req
6. OH, YEAH, YEAH.
Copy !req
7. I GET HOME FROM A HARD DAY'S
WORK, AND AGAIN,
Copy !req
8. THERE WAS THE PEE-PEE
AND THE POO-POO
Copy !req
9. ALL OVER MY BEDROOM DOOR.
Copy !req
10. SO I SAY TO MY NEPHEW,
Copy !req
11. WHO IS 15 YEARS OLD, MIND YOU,
Copy !req
12. VICTOR, YOU HAVE TO START
USING THE TOILETS
Copy !req
13. WHEN YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE.
Copy !req
14. SO I PUT HIM
IN THE CELLAR FOR THE WEEKEND
Copy !req
15. TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.
Copy !req
16. WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME
WHERE IS THE HARM IN THAT?
Copy !req
17. WELL, YOU KNOW,
CHILDREN THESE DAYS.
Copy !req
18. WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT ME.
WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR, KID?
Copy !req
19. WELL, I SUPPOSEDLY,
YOU KNOW,
Copy !req
20. KILLED ABOUT 4,000
PEOPLE.
Copy !req
21. PEOPLE ARE TOO SENSITIVE
THESE DAYS.
Copy !req
22. ALL RIGHT, OUT WITH IT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
Copy !req
23. WELL, IT ALL STARTED
A FEW MONTHS AGO.
Copy !req
24. I THOUGHT I WAS
FINALLY ON THE VERGE
OF SOMETHING BIG.
Copy !req
25. WHERE IS
THAT DEVIL?
Copy !req
26. I KNOW YOU'RE
AROUND HERE
SOMEWHERE.
Copy !req
27. THERE YOU ARE.
DARN LAWNMOWER MAN.
Copy !req
28. "OH, I NEED
MORE MONEY.
Copy !req
29. BOO-HOO, HOO-HOO."
Copy !req
30. YOU BASTARD!
Copy !req
31. PARDON.
Copy !req
32. AH, GOOD MORNING,
SIR.
Copy !req
33. SAY AGAIN?
Copy !req
34. UH, MAYOR'S OFFICE.
Copy !req
35. WHAT?
Copy !req
36. WHO'S THERE, PLEASE?
Copy !req
37. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.
Copy !req
38. SEE, IT'S JUST ME,
GOOD OLD TOM PETERS.
Copy !req
39. THAT MAN
LOOKS FAMILIAR.
Copy !req
40. WELL, I KNOW THERE'S
A NO SOLICITING SIGN OUT THERE,
Copy !req
41. BUT I'M JUST DOING
Copy !req
42. A LITTLE DOOR-TO-DOOR
SALESMANSHIP HERE.
Copy !req
43. AND I HAVE
A PRETTY COOL PRODUCT
Copy !req
44. CALLED SPRAY A CARPET OR RUG.
Copy !req
45. UH, I'M NOT SURE
IF YOU HEARD OF THAT OR NOT.
Copy !req
46. I DON'T THINK SO,
BUT I DO REMEMBER —
Copy !req
47. I CREATED SPRAY A CARPET OR RUG
17 YEARS AGO IN MY BASEMENT.
Copy !req
48. AND NOW I'M IN
A THREE-STORY BUILDING.
Copy !req
49. I HAVE PERSONALLY GIVEN
PERMISSION FOR THIS COMEDY SHOW
Copy !req
50. TO USE THE NAME OF MY PRODUCT.
Copy !req
51. BECAUSE EVERYONE
DESERVES TO LAUGH.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GRANNY?
Copy !req
52. SAVE MONEY, HONEY.
Copy !req
53. THANKS FOR USING MY PRODUCT.
Copy !req
54. AND THANKS
FOR MY THREE-STORY BUILDING.
Copy !req
55. LET ME JUST GET THIS THING
GOING FOR YOU HERE.
Copy !req
56. YOU KNOW, SHOW YOU
HOW IT WORKS.
Copy !req
57. WOW, LOOKS JUST LIKE
REAL CARPET, TOM.
Copy !req
58. WELL, IT ACTUALLY IS CARPET.
Copy !req
59. FINE, WELL,
TELL ME AGAIN,
Copy !req
60. WHY ARE YOU WEARING
THAT SUIT?
Copy !req
61. WELL, IT TURNS OUT
I'M VERY ALLERGIC
TO THIS FOAM HERE.
Copy !req
62. SO MY BODY DOESN'T REALLY
TAKE TO THE CHEMICALS,
Copy !req
63. IT GOES STRAIGHT
TO MY SPINE.
Copy !req
64. HELLO?
Copy !req
65. MAYOR, ARE YOU LISTENING?
Copy !req
66. OH, YOU SILLY
BEARDED MAN.
Copy !req
67. I DON'T KNOW HOW,
BUT I'M GONNA
GET YOU.
Copy !req
68. TOM, CAN YOU GET
THAT THING IN GREEN?
Copy !req
69. UH, LET ME SEE HERE.
Copy !req
70. YEAH, I THINK SO.
Copy !req
71. GOOD!
Copy !req
72. WELL, MY PLAN IS
TO ACTUALLY REPLACE
Copy !req
73. ALL OF THE GRASS IN JEFFERTON
WITH CARPETING,
Copy !req
74. USING THIS BRAND-NEW PRODUCT
Copy !req
75. CALLED SPRAY A CARPET OR RUG.
Copy !req
76. THAT WAY WE CAN GET RID
OF THE LAWNMOWER MAN FOR GOOD,
Copy !req
77. AS MY CHART
CLEARLY DEMONSTRATES HERE.
Copy !req
78. HMM, WELL,
Copy !req
79. I-I DON'T THINK SUBSTITUTING
GRASS WITH CARPETING
Copy !req
80. IS THE BEST IDEA
FOR OUR COMMUNITY.
Copy !req
81. WELL, IF YOU SEE
IN THE BROCHURE THERE,
Copy !req
82. WE HAVE A STAIN FREE
GUARANTEE.
Copy !req
83. UH, UH,
Copy !req
84. IN FACT, I THINK
SOME OF THESE CHEMICALS
Copy !req
85. COULD BE RATHER HARMFUL
TO THE GRASS.
Copy !req
86. AND TO THE PEOPLE
ON THE GRASS.
Copy !req
87. GENTLEMEN, DON'T WORRY.
Copy !req
88. THIS STRANGE-LOOKING
SCIENTIST ASSURED ME
Copy !req
89. THAT THIS SPRAY A CARPET
OR RUG IS PERFECTLY SAFE.
Copy !req
90. UH, YOU KNOW, RANDY,
I WOULDN'T BE OPPOSED
Copy !req
91. TO A TRIAL RUN
IN MEMORIAL PARK.
Copy !req
92. HOW'S IT GOING?
Copy !req
93. JUST KEEP SMILING, TOM.
I THINK THEY'RE GOING FOR IT.
Copy !req
94. SO, I GOT
THIS HUGE CONTRACT
Copy !req
95. TO CARPET
ALL OF MEMORIAL PARK.
Copy !req
96. GOOD FOR YOU!
AN ENTREPRENEUR WITH A DREAM.
Copy !req
97. NOT LIKE MY VICTOR,
Copy !req
98. WHO'S POOPING AND PEEING
ON MY DOOR AS WE SPEAK.
Copy !req
99. LOOK AT YOU NOW, HUH,
Copy !req
100. THE BOTTOM
OF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.
Copy !req
101. YOU KNOW, IF I WAS YOU,
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO LIVE WITH MYSELF.
Copy !req
102. OH, REALLY?
Copy !req
103. HEY, COME HERE.
Copy !req
104. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT, YOU
KNOW, SUICIDE?
Copy !req
105. NOT-NOT REALLY.
Copy !req
106. WELL, YOU SORT OF HAVE TO.
Copy !req
107. YOU ARE A FAMILY MAN,
RIGHT, TOM?
Copy !req
108. WELL, I DON'T HAVE
LIFE INSURANCE.
Copy !req
109. LIFE INSURANCE —
THEY GIVE THAT TO YOU.
Copy !req
110. YOU CAN APPLY FOR THAT AFTER,
WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.
Copy !req
111. WHEN YOU DO THE THING —
YOU KNOW, THE DEAD THING,
AFTERWARDS.
Copy !req
112. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
Copy !req
113. OH, WELL, I GUESS
I COULD SEE THE APPEAL
IN THAT PLAN NOW.
Copy !req
114. BETWEEN YOU
AND ME AND THE WALL
Copy !req
115. AND MY POOPING NEPHEW VICTOR,
Copy !req
116. THE ROPE'S
THE BEST WAY TO GO.
Copy !req
117. YOU JUST HAVE
TO GET A GOOD KNOT GOING
SO YOU SNAP THE NECK CLEAN.
Copy !req
118. YOU KNOW, NO MESS.
Copy !req
119. WELL, YOU KNOW, THANKS
FOR THE ADVICE ON THAT.
Copy !req
120. I'M SORRY, I INTERRUPTED.
YOU WERE TELLING A STORY.
Copy !req
121. OH, UH, WELL, UM,
EVERYTHING WAS
GOING GREAT.
Copy !req
122. I FINISHED THE CARPETING
IN A REASONABLE
TWO HOURS,
Copy !req
123. WHICH I GUESS IS SOME
SORT OF WORLD RECORD.
Copy !req
124. WOW, THAT ONLY TOOK ME
A REASONABLE TWO HOURS.
Copy !req
125. MUST BE SOME KIND
OF WORLD RECORD.
Copy !req
126. HEY, TOM,
CHECK THIS OUT.
Copy !req
127. UH, LAWNMOWER MAN,
A WORD PLEASE.
Copy !req
128. LOOK WHAT I HAVE HERE —
A BIG CHECK.
Copy !req
129. OH, I'M SORRY,
THIS CHECK'S ACTUALLY
FOR TOM HERE.
Copy !req
130. YOU SEE, YOU WON'T HAVE
TO MOW THIS EVER,
Copy !req
131. BECAUSE IT'S CARPET.
Copy !req
132. WHAT WAS THAT
ALL ABOUT?
Copy !req
133. HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
Copy !req
134. I WENT AHEAD AND BACK-DATED IT
ABOUT A WEEK,
Copy !req
135. JUST IN CASE THERE ARE
ANY PROBLEMS AHEAD.
Copy !req
136. OKAY.
HOW'S THAT?
Copy !req
137. UH, NEVER MIND, TOMMY.
Copy !req
138. PEOPLE ARE JUST GONNA
LOVE THIS CARPET GRASS.
Copy !req
139. WHAT?
Copy !req
140. THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?
Copy !req
141. I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS IN MY TRAINING.
Copy !req
142. AND WHATEVER YOU DO,
Copy !req
143. DO NOT EXPOSE THIS STUFF
TO DIRECT SUNLIGHT,
Copy !req
144. OR A HORRIBLE BURNING
CHEMICAL REACTION
Copy !req
145. WILL OCCUR.
Copy !req
146. AH, DARN IT.
Copy !req
147. A RARE AND DEADLY SKIN CONDITION
CAUSED BY THE CARPETING
Copy !req
148. TOM PETERS LAID
IN MEMORIAL PARK
Copy !req
149. HAS LEFT HUNDREDS
OF JEFFERTONIANS
Copy !req
150. DEAD AND DYING.
Copy !req
151. LET'S GO TO JAN SKYLAR,
WHO'S LIVE ON THE SCENE.
Copy !req
152. WELL, IT IS JUST CHAOS
DOWN HERE AT MEMORIAL PARK.
Copy !req
153. BUT HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS.
Copy !req
154. I DID MY RESEARCH AND I FOUND
THAT WHEN I STUCK MY HEAD
Copy !req
155. DEEP IN THE STINKY GASSES HERE,
I FOUND NO SIDE EFFECTS.
Copy !req
156. I FEEL ABSOLUTELY 100% FINE.
Copy !req
157. SO SOMEBODY OUGHTA COME OUT HERE
Copy !req
158. AND TELL ME WHAT ALL THE HOO-HA
IS ABOUT, WAYNE.
Copy !req
159. WAYNE, BACK TO YOU.
Copy !req
160. COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON, COME ON!
Copy !req
161. BOYS!
Copy !req
162. COME IN HERE
AND HELP YOUR —
Copy !req
163. FATHER!
Copy !req
164. WE GOTTA GET RID
OF THE —
Copy !req
165. EVIDENCE!
Copy !req
166. HONEY, WHERE'D YOU PUT
MY HELMET AND HAZMAT SUIT?
Copy !req
167. I THREW THEM AWAY!
Copy !req
168. JOY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
Copy !req
169. WHY DID YOU DO THAT, JOY?
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
Copy !req
170. AAAAH!
Copy !req
171. AND BY THE TIME
MY SEIZURES PETERED OUT,
Copy !req
172. THE COPS HAD BROKEN DOWN
THE DOOR AND DARTED ME,
Copy !req
173. AND, YOU KNOW,
I ENDED UP HERE.
Copy !req
174. OH, THOSE POLICE.
Copy !req
175. IT'S THEM WHO SHOULD HAVE
THE POOP POOP ON THEIR DOOR.
Copy !req
176. WHAT AM I SAYING?
Copy !req
177. PRETTY SOON, YOU WON'T HAVE
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
Copy !req
178. HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
Copy !req
179. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'M A LITTLE
NERVOUS HERE.
Copy !req
180. OH, I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE THINKING —
Copy !req
181. "OH, NO, I'M GONNA BREAK MY NECK
ON THIS ROPE.
Copy !req
182. IT'S GONNA HURT SO BAD."
Copy !req
183. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I TRIED IT A FEW TIMES.
Copy !req
184. IT'S JUST A LITTLE BOOP
AND WHISH, AND WE'RE DONE HERE.
Copy !req
185. NOW, WOULD YOU JUST RELAX?
Copy !req
186. WELL, I APPRECIATE IT.
Copy !req
187. AND AS I SAID BEFORE,
IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.
Copy !req
188. OKAY, TOM, YOU'RE A SAINT.
IT'S BEEN AN HONOR TO KNOW YOU.
Copy !req
189. AND I'LL NEVER FORGET
OUR LOVELY TIME TOGETHER.
Copy !req
190. AND, YOU KNOW, ON A SIDE
NOTE, I WOULD LIKE TO
THANK YOU AS WELL —
Copy !req
191. HEY, TOM.
Copy !req
192. WHERE-WHERE AM I?
Copy !req
193. MAYOR'S OFFICE.
Copy !req
194. FAIR ENOUGH.
Copy !req
195. TOM, THANKS FOR ALL
YOUR GREAT WORK IN
MEMORIAL PARK.
Copy !req
196. OH, OKAY.
Copy !req
197. OF COURSE, I'M GONNA
HAVE TO TAKE YOU UP
Copy !req
198. ON THAT STAIN FREE
GUARANTEE.
Copy !req
199. OKAY.
Copy !req
200. UM, WHAT ABOUT
MY FAMILY?
Copy !req
201. MY FRIEND SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT LIFE INSURANCE.
Copy !req
202. SORRY, BUDDY.
Copy !req
203. CAPTIONING PROVIDED
BY TURNER STUDIOS
Copy !req
204. JAN, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
Copy !req
205. THAT SHARING OUR LIVES TOGETHER
HERE ON THIS NEWS SET,
Copy !req
206. AND IN OUR WONDERFUL HOME
Copy !req
207. HAS BEEN A TRULY
INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE.
Copy !req
208. YOU BRING JOY TO MY LIFE,
Copy !req
209. AND I LOVE YOU
WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.
Copy !req
210. THANK YOU.
Copy !req