Tom Goes to the Mayor 1x1

Directed by

Jack Black as Trapper JB (voice) • Kyle Gass as Trapper Kyle (voice) • Bob Odenkirk as Mike Foxx / Mysterious Drifter (voice) • David Pires as Roy Teppert (voice) • Mark Womack as Kid Caught in Bear Trap (voice)

Tom and The Mayor are worried about the safety of Jefferton's children, so they decide to buy thousands of Bear Traps to place all around the city to keep strangers away from the children.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - HI. I'M THE MAYOR,

2. AND MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU!

3. - MY NAME IS TOM PETERS AND I'M FULL OF IDEAS.

4. - HI. HOW ARE YOU?

5. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

6. - AHEM.

7. EXCUSE ME.

8. HI. HELLO.

9. - HEY.

10. - I'M HERE TO SEE THE MAYOR.

11. I'VE BEEN WAITING HERE AWHILE.

12. I JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN ON THE—

13. - WELL, HE'S IN AN IMPORTANT MEETING RIGHT NOW.

14. HE'LL BE WITH YOU IN A BIT.

15. - OH, GREAT.

16. UH, THANK— THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

17. - MY NAME IS MIKE FOXX,

18. AND I'VE LOST 13 OF MY OWN CHILDREN—

19. 4 TO WIND POISONING,

20. 2 TO SAND RASH,

21. 5 TO DEADLY CRICKETS,

22. AND AT LEAST 6 TO A MYSTERIOUS DRIFTER

23. WHO LOOKS AND SOUNDS LIKE THIS GUY.

24. - THIS IS THE SOUND OF MY VOICE.

25. - OH, NO.

26. - AHEM.

27. - ONE MINUTE NOW.

28. - CHILD SAFETY HAS TO BE YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.

29. - OF COURSE.

30. - AND REMEMBER, PARENTS,

31. ONLY YOU AND ME CAN SCARE CHILDREN SAFE.

32. - OOH.

33. OH, BOY.

34. - HE—UH, HELLO?

35. HELLO?

36. - MAYOR'S OFFICE.

37. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

38. - WELL, MY NAME IS TOM PETERS.

39. - HELLO, TOM.

40. - UM, CAN I COME IN?

41. - COME ON IN.

42. - OK, WELL, I'M AN ENTREPRENEUR

43. AND I JUST MOVED TO JEFFERTON COUNTY.

44. - GREAT.

45. WONDERFUL NEWS, TOM.

46. WELCOME.

47. - YEAH, WELL, I JUST MOVED HERE FROM SPINGERTON

48. WITH MY WIFE JOY AND OUR 3 BOYS.

49. - OH, THAT'S GREAT.

50. TOM, MY FINGERS ARE CROSSED HERE.

51. I'M REALLY HOPING YOU HAVE SOME PICTURES OF THAT BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.

52. - UH, SURE.

53. LET ME SEE HERE.

54. HOLD ON.

55. AH, HERE WE GO.

56. HERE'S A SHOT OF JARED, JAMES,

57. THAT'S MATTY, AND MY BETTER HALF JOY

58. AT LIFE CHALLENGES SUNFLOWER CAMP.

59. THAT'S ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO.

60. - TOM, THAT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF FUN.

61. AND LOOK AT THOSE BOYS.

62. - OK.

63. - THEY LOOK JUST LIKE YOU.

64. - WELL, UM, THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY MINE.

65. THEY'RE FROM JOY'S PREVIOUS MARRIAGE, BUT—

66. - OOH. OH.

67. - BUT, YOU KNOW, I—

68. - HOW DO YOU— HOW DO YOU MEAN?

69. - WELL, THEY'RE JUST, YOU KNOW, MY STEPKIDS.

70. THEY'RE JOY'S, NOT MINE,

71. BUT I TREAT THEM LIKE MY OWN IN A LOT OF WAYS, YOU KNOW?

72. I JUST—

73. - OH, I SEE.

74. WELL, GREAT, TOM.

75. THANKS FOR STOPPING IN.

76. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

77. - I'M SORRY.

78. I'M ACTUALLY HERE—

79. I HAD JUST AN IDEA THAT I WANTED TO RUN PAST YOU

80. ABOUT CHILDREN'S— OUR CHILDREN'S SAFETY.

81. - THAT'S INTERESTING, TOM.

82. I JUST HAD A MEETING WITH MY TV ABOUT THAT.

83. LET ME HERE YOUR THOUGHTS.

84. - WELL, CHILD SAFETY, RIGHT?

85. THE FIRST AND LAST STEP IS TO ESTABLISH A HIGH PERIMETER

86. SURROUNDING OUR, YOU KNOW, PARKS AND ZOOS

87. AND NURSERIES AND DAY CARE CENTERS—

88. - BEAR TRAPS.

89. - UH... OK.

90. - YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT USING BEAR TRAPS

91. TO SURROUND THESE SAFE ZONES, RIGHT?

92. I LOVE IT.

93. - WELL, NO.

94. - YOU SOLD ME ON THIS IDEA.

95. - OH. WOW, THAT—

96. - I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU AN OLD MAYOR'S TRICK.

97. DO ME A FAVOR, TOM.

98. USE YOUR ARM TO HOLD THAT PHONE UP TO THIS EAR.

99. - LIKE THIS?

100. - SURE.

101. - J.B.'s TRAP SHOP.

102. - TRAP HAUS.

103. KYLE SPEAKING.

104. - IT'S YOUR MAYOR.

105. - MAYOR! - HELLO, MR. MAYOR.

106. - AS YOU KNOW, JEFFERTON IS IN A SERIOUS CRISIS

107. CONCERNING CHILD SAFETY.

108. - OK. - RIGHT.

109. - DO YOU KNOW THE GOOD DOCTOR TOM PETERS?

110. - NO. - NO.

111. - PERFECT.

112. WE NEED YOU TO INSTALL THOUSANDS OF BEAR TRAPS ALL OVER TOWN.

113. WE'RE TALKING NURSERY SCHOOLS,

114. CHILDREN'S HOSPITALS, PETTING ZOOS.

115. - GREAT.

116. YOU KNOW WHAT, MR. MAYOR?

117. FRANKLY, I'M RELIEVED.

118. AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

119. I'M A LITTLE BIT AMAZED, TOO,

120. BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A...

121. - HELLO?

122. - YOU KNOW, TO KNOW TO CALL ME FOR THIS.

123. - MR. MAYOR?

124. - ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE BREAKDOWN.

125. WE'RE GOING TO NEED AT LEAST 10,000 OF YOUR FINEST TRAPS.

126. WHATEVER IT TAKES TO KEEP THOSE KIDS SAFE, OK?

127. - OH, SURE.

128. - CAN YOU HANDLE THAT LOAD?

129. - CAN I HANDLE—

130. CAN I HANDLE THE LOAD?

131. LET ME THINK ABOUT HOW TO ANSWER THAT PROPERLY.

132. ABSOLUTELY.

133. HA HA HA.

134. I'M LOOKING AT MY STOCK RIGHT NOW.

135. IT'S NO PROBLEM.

136. - OH, GREAT.

137. SO WE CAN START...

138. CAN I JUST ADD ONE THING, MR. MAYOR?

139. MY TRAPS ARE HANDMADE, CUSTOM DESIGNED,

140. NO SNAP-BACK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

141. TSK, TSK, TSK.

142. - HELLO?

143. - YOU KNOW WHAT?

144. MY C-13 HEISNERS ARE TYPICALLY SELF-LUBRICATED.

145. BUT I-I-I—

146. CAN I? WILL I? SHOULD I?

147. I TELL YOU WHAT,

148. I'M GOING TO THROW IN THE OLD J.B. DOUBLE LUBE.

149. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO NEED IT, BUT WHAT THE HELL.

150. NO EXTRA CHARGE.

151. - WONDERFUL.

152. - DR. TOM PETERS WILL BE IN TOUCH WITH YOU ABOUT YOUR PERFORMANCE.

153. GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

154. - OK. BYE NOW. - GOOD-BYE!

155. - HEY, I HEARD YOUR PHONE RING.

156. - OH, YEAH, I JUST GOT A HUGE ORDER.

157. - OH, REALLY?

158. THAT'S CRAZY. I DID, TOO.

159. - OH, GOOD FOR YOU, MAN.

160. OH, GOD, THAT'S—

161. WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.

162. I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

163. - I'M HAPPY FOR ME,

164. BUT I AM OVERWHELMED WITH JOY FOR YOU.

165. - NO, NO.

166. WELL, IT'S NOTHING SPECIAL FOR ME,

167. BUT IT'S AMAZING FOR YOU.

168. - GOOD FOR YOU, MY FRIEND.

169. YOU DESERVE IT.

170. - NO, IT'S GREAT FOR YOU.

171. - I THINK IT'S SO MUCH BETTER FOR YOU.

172. - PUH-PUH-PUH, AHH.

173. PUH-PUH-PEH, PUH-PUH—

174. OH, CITY COUNCIL IS NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS ONE BIT.

175. THEY'VE BEEN BUGGERS ABOUT THIS IN THE PAST.

176. HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

177. I WANT YOU TO PRESENT THIS IDEA

178. AT OUR WEEKLY COUNCIL MEETING DOWN AT GULLIVER'S.

179. - UH, JUST ABOUT THIS PRESENTATION YOU WANT ME TO DO,

180. DO YOU WANT ME— I'M NOT REALLY PREPARED—

181. - GREAT.

182. - GREAT.

183. - NOW, YOU CAN EASILY SEE

184. HOW IMPORTANT THIS NEW MAYOR'S HAT IS

185. TO THE ENTIRE TOWNSHIP, AND TO ME.

186. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

187. NOW I'D LIKE TO TURN THE FLOOR OVER

188. TO MY GOOD FRIEND TOM PETERS.

189. TOM'S A REAL ASTRONAUT,

190. NOT LIKE LAST WEEK'S IMPOSTER.

191. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. TOM PETERS.

192. - OH! OH!

193. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

194. UH, COULD YOU TURN THE MUSIC—

195. I'LL WAIT FOR THE MUSIC—

196. UM...

197. - OH.

198. WELL, I JUST WANT TO START WITH, UH,

199. I'M NOT AN ASTRONAUT, I'M SORRY TO SAY.

200. HEH.

201. - GREAT!

202. - OH, UH, RIGHT.

203. OK, WELL, IF I COULD JUST START THIS PRESENTATION HERE.

204. JUST—SURE IT'S ON.

205. - UH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

206. THAT WAS THE WRONG FILE, OBVIOUSLY.

207. SHOOT.

208. OK, SETTLE—

209. HERE—OK, HERE WE GO.

210. BEAR TRAPS, ALL RIGHT?

211. WELL, BASICALLY I'VE DONE A LOT OF RESEARCH,

212. AND WE THINK THAT THE BEST WAY

213. TO PROTECT OUR YOUNGEST CITIZENS IN JEFFERTON HERE

214. IS TO... SURROUND THEM WITH BEAR TRAPS.

215. - WONDERFUL, TOM.

216. WONDERFUL.

217. - IT'S BASICALLY FOR THEIR PROTECTION,

218. SO I DON'T WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO DO THAT.

219. OF COURSE, OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF RISK—

220. ACTUALLY, A LOT— A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF RISK.

221. I HATE TO SAY IT,

222. BUT I WILL GUARANTEE THAT A NUMBER OF KIDS WILL BE INJURED

223. OR POSSIBLY KILLED IN THE PROJECT.

224. THANK YOU.

225. - NICE WORK, TOM.

226. - UH, ALL RIGHT,

227. UH, I JUST FEEL REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE

228. ABOUT THE WHOLE IDEA IN GENERAL.

229. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S SOMETHING WE WANT TO, UH...

230. OH...

231. - CAN I JUST JUMP IN HERE WITH AN IDEA?

232. - PICK UP AT ANOTHER DATE.

233. - ABSOLUTELY.

234. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TEST IT,

235. MAYBE CREATING A TEST COMMITTEE.

236. - I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING VERY WELL.

237. - TOM, HAVE YOU TRIED GULLIVER'S SPAGHETTI?

238. - WHAT?

239. - YOU KNOW, IT'S THE RED PASTA

240. THE ITALIANS CALL SPAGHETTI.

241. THE SERVE IT WITH MARINARA.

242. - NO.

243. I SHOULD TRY IT, I GUESS.

244. I JUST—

245. - OH, NO.

246. I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GOING FOR IT.

247. WE REALLY HAVE TO WIN THEM OVER.

248. TOM, I HAVE ONE MORE ACE UP MY SLEEVE.

249. WHAT'S YOUR BACKGROUND IN THEATRICAL ARTS?

250. - UM, WELL, LIKE PLAYS AND STUFF?

251. - MM-HMM.

252. - SURE, I MEAN, I DID A LITTLE STUFF IN HIGH SCHOOL,

253. YOU KNOW, SOME COMMUNITY THEATER WORK.

254. I COULD DIRECT.

255. - PERFECT.

256. - YOU KNOW, TRAPS ARE REAL AND FORGED IN STEEL.

257. PAPPY TAUGHT ME ON THE TRAPPING WHEEL.

258. THESE BEAR TRAPS...

259. SHE BE MY MASTER.

260. - HA HA HA.

261. - THEY CLINK AND CLANK LIKE A STAB FROM A SHANK.

262. SUDDENLY, THERE HENCE A STANK.

263. IT WAS I.

264. WHAT A DISASTER.

265. - PUT SOME BEAR TRAPS IN THE ROAD.

266. - WE GUARANTEE THEY'LL SNAP REAL TIGHT.

267. - OK, CUE THE BALLOONS.

268. - HELLO? HELLO?

269. FOCUS!

270. TELEVISION SET!

271. IT'S ME, MIKE FOXX.

272. THANKS TO YOUR COURAGEOUS MAYOR,

273. YOUR CHILDREN ARE NO LONGER IN DANGER.

274. NOW PLEASE JOIN ME IN WELCOMING HIM TO THE STAGE.

275. - OK, ROY, THANK YOU.

276. OK, ROY.

277. NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHUT IT OFF.

278. JUST TURN THE VOLUME DOWN A LITTLE BIT.

279. CITIZENS OF JEFFERTON, WE ARE BLESSED.

280. THIS IS THE DAWN OF A NEW AND SAFER JEFFERTON.

281. WITH THE HELP OF THE BEAR TRAP BROTHERS,

282. WE HAVE PLACED OVER 20,000 TRAPS AROUND TOWN,

283. MAKING IT THE LARGEST CONCENTRATION OF TRAPS IN THE REGION.

284. I HAVE TO SAY, NONE OF YOU WOULD BE HERE TONIGHT

285. IF IT WEREN'T FOR JEFFERTON'S OWN TOM PETERS!

286. - OH, THANK YOU.

287. - TOM, ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE COUNTY AND SURROUNDING TOWNSHIP,

288. IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE IN PRESENTING YOU WITH THE KEY TO THE CITY.

289. - AAH!

290. - MY STEPSON! NO!

291. - MOM! MOM!

292. MAMA!

293. - THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING.

294. - MOM, MY LEG!

295. - SAFE AT LAST.

296. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

297. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—

298. - BULL'S-EYE!

299. - YEAH!