Tires 3x5

1. Hey, asshole!

2. Oh!

3. Oh, what the fuck? Lisa, call an ambulance!

4. - Is he dead? - I... I don't know.

5. It fucking looks like he's dead!

6. Lisa! - Lisa!

7. I can't get over this paper. Look at all the colors!

8. Pink and brown and glossy and text and covers. It's crazy.

9. It's amazing.

10. It really is.

11. Jacobs?

12. Oh my God, that is you! - Taylor.

13. Fucking A, guy, fucking A.

14. - Sir, can you keep it down? - Oh, yeah. Okay, okay.

15. Uh, this is Kilah. Wonderful meeting you.

16. She's not my girlfriend.

17. Fuck no.

18. Fuck no?

19. Never mind. Nice to meet you.

20. Will and I used to work together back in the day.

21. He was an absolute, absolute beast.

22. What are you doing these days? You gotta be doing something killer.

23. Uh, yeah.

24. Yeah, uh, flyers.

25. Part of a whole marketing blitz we're doing at the shop.

26. Awesome! Yeah.

27. - I'm one of the owners now. - Owner? Yes, I knew it!

28. Fucking A, dude, fucking A!

29. - Can you keep it down? - I'm not even yelling, dude.

30. - I'm not. - Yeah.

31. So what are you doing here?

32. Oh, I'm just sending a watch back to Miami.

33. It was a bit too flashy, all gold.

34. I don't know what I was thinking. It was stupid.

35. I'm gonna get a watch.

36. Nice. Yeah.

37. Yeah, Kilah, do you mind actually, uh, just boxing up those flyers

38. and giving us a sec?

39. Man. Yeah.

40. - Seems like you're doing really well, man. - I'm just lucky. Lucky.

41. A very lucky man. Yeah. Yeah.

42. Guess I was wrong.

43. Oh, no. No, no, no. It looks like you made the... the right choice.

44. You're running your own thing. I knew you'd be doing something big.

45. I really did.

46. Yeah... - Listen.

47. I know our history is, like...

48. It's whatever. Doesn't matter.

49. But I still would like to work with you someday.

50. You know, the door is always open.

51. - You did it, man. - Mm-hmm.

52. - Slapshot Media. - Slapshot Media.

53. Come by the office. I think you'll be impressed.

54. And who knows, man?

55. Who knows?

56. Nice meeting you, Kilah. You too.

57. Will Jacobs, in the flesh.

58. Sir, please stop yelling.

59. Who the fuck was that?

60. That is a guy I almost went into business with.

61. Damn, looks like you should've. He's killing it.

62. Of course he drives the fucking Batmobile.

63. Telling you, he looked just like me.

64. Just like an older version of me.

65. Maybe it's a sign you should talk to your dad?

66. I'm serious about this.

67. Do not fucking have Phil over here. None of your bullshit team meetings.

68. The last thing I wanna do is talk to Phil, have him fucking come in here,

69. "Heard you saw a dead body today, big guy."

70. Just shut the fuck up. Gotcha.

71. I'm serious. - Loud and clear. No Phil. Rough day.

72. - Yeah. - Hey, are you sure the guy even died?

73. Yeah, dude. It was fucked up. It was like God just turned him off. It was quick.

74. Oh!

75. I'm fine.

76. Did you talk to him?

77. Hey, asshole!

78. I don't even remember.

79. It's crazy.

80. What do you think happens when we die?

81. I don't know. If you're good, you go to heaven.

82. If you're not Catholic, you go to hell.

83. Sometimes I have this thought

84. that the memories of us live on in the people that we love.

85. They miss us when times are good and even more when times are bad.

86. They do the stuff we used to do to... make it feel like we're still there.

87. Mimic our affect, they tell our jokes.

88. Years from now, when your grandkids die,

89. their kids will do the same thing to remember them,

90. not even knowing that they're also remembering you.

91. And in some small way, it's like

92. you get to live forever.

93. Shut the fuck up, Cal.

94. - What are you talking about? - Fuck was that?

95. We don't even... None of us have kids.

96. Yeah, none of us have kids, dumb-ass.

97. Good morning.

98. Good afternoon. Good night.

99. Welcome to silent meditation.

100. I am Shaman Noam.

101. Hi, Noam!

102. Hello, John. Thank you.

103. I receive your enthusiasm.

104. Just a gentle reminder of silence.

105. Before we begin, I need to thank my teacher, Bonnie.

106. Without her, I would be completely lost.

107. Oh, she is a powerful teacher.

108. Okay. Let's go ahead and take off any heavy clothing,

109. you know, socks, anything that might be getting in the way.

110. Time out, dawg.

111. I'm gonna keep my socks on 'cause my feet get cold.

112. Okay.

113. Maybe he could keep his on too.

114. Phil. Okay.

115. - Be polite. - Oh.

116. Before we begin, does anyone need a pillow? I only have two.

117. If everybody's fucking cool with it, I'll take 'em both.

118. All right. Here you go. Thanks.

119. Yeah. This is perfect.

120. Is that better? - Oh yeah, you guys should try pillows.

121. All right. Let's get started.

122. Swear to God, I was walking in, he was walking out.

123. Why would Daniel Day-Lewis be at a McDonald's in West Chester?

124. I don't know.

125. Hey, Kyle. What's up?

126. - Why so glum? - He saw a guy die today.

127. No way.

128. That's awesome! Where?

129. Just some bar, and it was not awesome.

130. Damn! I never saw a guy die before. Or a lady.

131. My neighbor died

132. trying to carry a couch up the stairwell all by himself.

133. Bloop! Right over the railing, two stories down. Bam!

134. Headfirst into the hardwood floor, splat!

135. They brought what was left of his body out. I got to see it.

136. Why was he moving a couch all by himself?

137. He lived all alone. Shame. Kinda pathetic.

138. It is fucking pathetic. Oh, hey, and get this.

139. My buddy works at the crematorium.

140. He said that when lonely guys die

141. and they don't have anybody else,

142. they burn 'em and they throw their ashes in a big bucket

143. filled with a bunch of other lonely guys.

144. They do? Yeah.

145. And then they flush 'em down the toilet.

146. They call it a pity potty.

147. Apparently, a priest has to flush the toilet so it's official.

148. That's not true.

149. Swear to God.

150. So you sure it was Daniel Day-Lewis at McDonald's?

151. Everyone together now.

152. Om.

153. Om.

154. Om. Om.

155. Om!

156. What the fuck is that?

157. Come on, that's annoying.

158. Psst. Zip it.

159. Om.

160. Will. Will.

161. Jacobs!

162. Come here a second.

163. I got an investor.

164. Did you hear what I said?

165. We got a fucking investor. Yes!

166. - We did? - Yeah. It's a guy I know from New York.

167. Great guy. He's in. He's in.

168. We're in.

169. It's over, man.

170. Bye-bye.

171. Listen, I... I... I hear you.

172. Yeah? This is very exciting.

173. You know, I just don't think that now is the right time to quit.

174. - Sorry, what are you talking about? - Things aren't that bad here.

175. - They are. They're horrible here. - No, they're not.

176. Yes, they... Are you fucking kidding me? They treat us like shit here.

177. - They don't. - Yes, they do.

178. - If we just stay a little longer... - No, Will, it is now or never.

179. We can take our time. Now! Now!

180. We made a business model. We have a name. We have a website. Now an investor.

181. - I can't. - No.

182. Taylor...

183. No. No. I'm not accepting that.

184. I can't take that risk. I need the health insurance.

185. Who gives a shit? I can't!

186. Phil, stay still.

187. I gotta clean my glasses. You don't need to look.

188. - Much better. - Your eyes are closed. Okay, honey.

189. Focus, okay?

190. Do not answer. - It's work.

191. I don't care. It's always work. Do not answer it! Hang up now!

192. You're distracting the whole class.

193. Do not... This is so rude.

194. Hey, Phil. - What's up?

195. Are you serious?

196. - Why are you whispering? - What do you want?

197. Remember those flyers?

198. - I got them printed up... - I am so sorry.

199. And I ran into somebody I think could help us.

200. You shitting me? That's why you called?

201. Yeah, it's work related.

202. - It's the middle of the workday. - I'm sure they're fine. Ask Shane.

203. I'll come by in about an hour.

204. Uh, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Um...

205. What? Why not?

206. Shane's in a little bit of a mood today.

207. No, I'm good. I'm good. High five. What happened to Shane?

208. What is going on? Nothing.

209. It's just one of those mornings, and... and... and he saw somebody die.

210. What? Shh!

211. Fuck me! He's fine!

212. - He's fine! - I'm his father.

213. - I should be there for that. - No! Absolutely not.

214. - Phil, do not come down here. - Don't tell me what to do.

215. Don't come down!

216. Whoops.

217. We gotta go. Why?

218. - Shane saw a guy fucking die. - And?

219. We have to go be supportive. Thanks, dawg.

220. Chop, chop, Bonnie. - I am so sorry.

221. Shane.

222. Jesus. What?

223. Will told us all about your ordeal today.

224. That you saw some motherfucker die.

225. I'm sorry. He trapped me.

226. I remember the first time I saw a man die.

227. It was outside the village of Guadalupe. I was just a pobrecito. A boy.

228. But it stays with you.

229. The face. That mask of death.

230. Phil, I know you're trying to help, but for real, please shut the fuck up.

231. Taking it hard.

232. I think what Shane is trying to tell us is he just... he needs space to process.

233. No, Bonnie, I don't need to process anything.

234. I'm totally fine. Guys, you honestly don't need to be here.

235. I just want to make sure that my big boy is okay.

236. I am okay, Dad. I'm fine.

237. - Fuck, now I'm worked up! - Okay, okay, boys.

238. Oh. All right. Yeah.

239. Listen, Shane,

240. if you're stressed after what you experienced,

241. and, you know, anybody would be,

242. I have a naturally brewed herbal root tea that I think could really help you.

243. I don't want your potions.

244. - I know it sounds goofy, doesn't it? - Yeah.

245. But my clients who suffer from depression, anxiety, if they're stressed—

246. Okay, Bonnie, I'm not one of your fucking weird clients.

247. It rewires the elastic brain.

248. "Elastic brain"? Do you hear yourself when you say this shit?

249. You hear this or are you too pussy-blind? I'm not trying to hurt your feelings,

250. but I don't believe in any of that goofy bullshit.

251. I don't believe in stretching or, fucking, the stars affect how I act.

252. I don't believe in dressing like fucking asshole Klan members

253. to see the third eye or some horseshit.

254. Will might believe that shit. Give him some potions. He'd love it.

255. N... no, I'm okay.

256. I mean, I don't think it's goofy horseshit, but no, thanks—

257. It is goofy horseshit, dude. Look, I saw a guy die.

258. I'll have three weeks of beer,

259. and then I'll fucking forget about the entire thing, and I'll be all right.

260. Good luck with that.

261. Bonnie's just trying to help. Pass.

262. Where are you going? Church.

263. Church?

264. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,

265. here is your check.

266. My shift ends in ten minutes, if you don't mind closing out.

267. - Father Cody's taking over. - What's up?

268. What's up? I'll just get another one of these.

269. All right, gotcha. - Thank you.

270. That should work.

271. - All right. Here you go, big dawg. - Thank you.

272. Cody, hey, can I...

273. - I need a drink, please. - Lucy, come on. Give me a second, girl.

274. Oh.

275. Oh, uh, I wasn't looking at you. I didn't see anything.

276. It just... just caught my eye.

277. Okay, if a girl is, like, so clearly not into you,

278. would you continue to spam the shit out of her with messages?

279. Definitely no.

280. Right.

281. Okay, so I have rain checked on this guy, like, twice,

282. and I have taken days to reply.

283. Not sure how to be more clear.

284. I dunno. Maybe if you just told him to fuck off right now

285. instead of him waiting to see if you reply and imagining being together forever,

286. and instead just die alone at a bar in a plate of wings or something.

287. I'll say that verbatim. That was really great advice. Thank you.

288. Yeah. - Probably end up dead.

289. Yeah, that's one way to look at it. I'd feel bad if you got murdered.

290. 'Cause that was my advice.

291. Yeah, bad advice.

292. - That's my fault. - Okay, great.

293. And eventually I'll forgive you when I'm a ghost.

294. Can I buy you a drink?

295. - No. - Really?

296. No, it's very kind of you, but I work here, so I get free ones.

297. You wanna buy me a drink? What's wrong with that?

298. Are you gonna murder me in my sleep?

299. If you don't.

300. Beth.

301. Is that a lawsuit?

302. - Sure would be. - Mm-hmm.

303. Will, in my office.

304. - Wh... Me, not Beth? - Mm-hmm. Now it's you. Let's go.

305. Well, it's still fucking sick. Yeah?

306. I wish I knew anything about cars.

307. I don't know what the fucking lights mean half the time.

308. Most don't mean shit.

309. - Really? - Depends which light.

310. It literally looks like a triangle with an exclamation point in the middle.

311. Oh, that's a big one. A bad one?

312. Yeah! I've been driving around on it.

313. - Bring it in to our garage. I'll fix it. - That's what I mean. I think it's awesome.

314. Most of the assholes that I meet are some weird tech finance bro guys.

315. - I don't know. - Yeah?

316. Yeah. Are you kidding?

317. You're a mechanic. You get to work with your hands. It's real.

318. Oh, these?

319. Yeah. - These are looking fucking rough.

320. Oh my God, yes. They're fucking gross.

321. Whatever, fuck you. Let me see your talons.

322. No! Talons? You definitely have—

323. - Get the fuck out of here. I do not. - You work at this satanic bar.

324. Let me see. No.

325. - Let me see. - Really?

326. Yeah. - You'll be an asshole.

327. Ow! Ew! Stop!

328. It's hot, from hell. Okay.

329. All right.

330. We should get a couple more drinks. Like, uh... keep it going?

331. Okay.

332. - Cody? - Yo.

333. Can we get two tequila shots for me and...

334. - Shane. - Shane.

335. Shane. For me and Shane.

336. What's your name?

337. Oh my God, I'm Lucy. Fuck.

338. Lucifer. Shut the fuck up!

339. - I knew you were the fucking devil. - Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

340. Stupid.

341. Oh shit, lady!

342. - Shit, am I hurting you? - No, keep going.

343. Okay.

344. - Fuck! - Stop fucking doing that.

345. No, it's good. Yeah?

346. Yeah, I'm fine. - Okay.

347. Hey, asshole.

348. Hey!

349. You fucked it out of me.

350. What?

351. - Nothing. Take your shirt off. - You take your fucking shirt off.

352. Doesn't matter. I'm about to bust.

353. No! No! - Fuck!