Tires 3x4

1. All right!

2. I got another one.

3. It's great, man.

4. You'll get one.

5. - I know I'll fucking get one, dude. - Snap the wrist.

6. You keep getting the little ones. I'm going for big ones.

7. Okay.

8. - Watch this fucking shit. Fuck you. - Throw it nice.

9. - Oh! - Oh shit!

10. My bad, dude.

11. Hey, shut up!

12. You're scaring the fish away!

13. Should we go save him?

14. Yeah, we should help him. I feel bad.

15. That was a fucking good toss, though. Fucking drilled that guy.

16. See, I'm more of a warrior guy. You're a fucking fish guy.

17. Let's take him back to the village.

18. All right, I'll carry the fish.

19. Shut the fuck up!

20. What the fuck happened?

21. Cal fucking stabbed this guy. Help him out.

22. Quit your bitching. Let's go. Come on.

23. Okay, I got you. Sit down.

24. God.

25. Fucking guy was so annoying.

26. Hey!

27. - Why are you wearing that? - What, you don't like it?

28. No.

29. Well, I like it.

30. - Come on, you like it. - I don't like it.

31. Can someone help me?

32. - Yo. - Oh, wow!

33. Hello.

34. I'm seeking shelter and a new home.

35. - Nice. - My husband, he was killed.

36. Oh, that sucks. I'm really sorry. Are you all right?

37. It's okay. He wasn't very tall.

38. Could you help me?

39. Me? Well, yes.

40. I assume by your size and your expert ability to gather food

41. that you're the leader of this village.

42. In a sense.

43. No! It is I...

44. Ah, fuck.

45. Phil the Fierce.

46. Aka Phil the Fur.

47. I'm in charge.

48. Will the Gay, why are you dressed like that?

49. I think he looks cool. You would.

50. Oh, so you're the leader?

51. Yes, Phil the Fierce. Nice to meet you.

52. Kilah, just go ahead and murder him.

53. Screams of the dying is so distracting, don't you think, right?

54. So what can I do?

55. I just am looking for a new home.

56. Oh.

57. You can live with me.

58. Yes. That would be wonderful.

59. I just need to go back to my hut and straighten up.

60. I was with another female earlier, giving her big belly.

61. Can I see your teeth?

62. God, they're fucking perfect.

63. Wow, she has teeth.

64. Yeah, we're good.

65. You know, we can go ahead and head on over to my hut.

66. It's the one that's not on fire.

67. Uh, Shane, prepare the fish and bring it to me.

68. No. Shane.

69. Shane!

70. Shane?

71. Shane!

72. What, dude?

73. Oh, uh, just... What?

74. I had half a burrito, and I wanted to see if you wanted it!

75. You yell at me about a burrito?

76. I was calling your name, and you're sleeping.

77. - Wasn't sleeping. I was thinking. - About what?

78. Getting money and pussy. Well—

79. What kind of burrito is it? - Beef!

80. - Good. Wrap it up. I'll get it. Thank you. - Fine! I'll put it in the fridge!

81. I said thank you.

82. My goodness!

83. Love you!

84. Love you too.

85. Will, what the fuck were you doing there?

86. - Uh... - Weekly readouts.

87. What the fuck? Mike's numbers are still bullshit.

88. How many chances is Will gonna give this guy?

89. A lot more than I would have.

90. Dave.

91. We got a tire rep coming in this afternoon from TakaTaka.

92. Oh right, the Korean company.

93. Yeah. The numbers are looking pretty sweet.

94. I want you in on the meeting.

95. Uh, yeah, absolutely. No problem.

96. So, uh, me, you, and Will, or...?

97. No, Will's not gonna make it.

98. I think it's just gonna be you and I.

99. - Will's been very annoying lately. - Right, I... I could see that.

100. Guy's name is Pete Seidel.

101. Pete. You know him?

102. Why don't you go home and focus on your marriage?

103. Hey, fuck you, Pete!

104. Yeah, fuck you, Pete!

105. Fuck me? Yeah.

106. Fuck you!

107. Yeah, we've, uh... we've crossed paths.

108. Good. That brings benefits to the meeting. That's good for you, Dave.

109. Hey, sweetheart.

110. I need you to return this for me.

111. Okay. It doesn't fit.

112. I don't think they'll accept that back. They take everything back.

113. Great, and listen, I am thinking about making beef stroganoff for dinner tonight.

114. I'm actually going out with some friends, so...

115. Oh, okay, are these... Are these new friends? Uh, do I know them?

116. I'm sorry, am I the one who had an affair with my fucking receptionist?

117. All right. This is where the boss excuses himself from his own office.

118. No, it's fine.

119. I'm leaving.

120. Did you talk to him?

121. Not right now.

122. Stop. For real. It's fine.

123. About what?

124. Jesus! - Doesn't matter. No big deal.

125. How it's fucked up that Will got promoted over him.

126. It would be fucked up if that were true, Barb.

127. Will did not get the promotion. It's still pending.

128. Oh.

129. Interesting.

130. Also, you have to pick up Geneavive from school today.

131. - Perfect. - Who's Geneavive?

132. Oh, she's our beautiful daughter.

133. The two of you

134. have a beautiful daughter?

135. Have a nice day.

136. I love you! Don't.

137. Incredible work.

138. Where'd you get the parts?

139. Most of it I sourced from local junkyards.

140. Got the fuel tank on eBay.

141. I don't fuck with the Internet too much.

142. Um, yeah, me neither.

143. I'm, uh, anti all that stuff.

144. The second you give 'em any of your information, you know?

145. The Chinese got their little panda paws down your pants.

146. - I guess. - I got more cars I wanna bring in.

147. Just want you working on 'em. Cash only.

148. Yeah, if I'm working on it, I'll be the only one who's touching it.

149. Although I did let an Italian guy lean on it the other day.

150. I'm just kidding.

151. Jesus, dude.

152. All right, well, why don't I ring you up and get you moving?

153. Dave, if Will calls, tell him I'm not here.

154. Won't even answer.

155. Excellent.

156. Phil, it's Will. Call me back immediately, please.

157. I don't know if you've seen the article yet,

158. but it's a total hit piece.

159. Nothing in there is true. Can't emphasize that enough.

160. I did not pretend to be gay.

161. I did not tell them that Kilah was... one of the owners, per se.

162. I may have sort of insinuated

163. that she was, you know, involved in the business as a woman,

164. which... which... which is totally accurate.

165. Hey, how's Bonnie doing?

166. Uh, have you gone to one of those medita...

167. And I didn't jack off!

168. I did not jack off!

169. That's the most important one. I almost forgot to really emphasize that.

170. I was demonstrating what I did not do, okay?

171. So, you know, get on your horse

172. and... and... and pick up that cell phone and dial me back and, uh, yeah.

173. I'll talk to you soon. Bye now.

174. Hey, Cal.

175. Where's Shane?

176. Huh? "Huh?"

177. What are you on your phone for? Never seen you like that.

178. Nothing. Nothing. What's going on?

179. Well, where is Shane?

180. Oh, he, uh... he said he was getting his life together or something.

181. What does that mean?

182. I don't know. Um, when he said it, I didn't really think about it.

183. All right, well, text him and tell him to come back

184. 'cause we got a lot of things going on here today,

185. and we gotta stop all this yelling!

186. - I'm not yelling. - No, you're not!

187. I only did ten floors. It's really hard. I wonder how the guys did 9/11.

188. What?

189. Nothing.

190. The firefighters, I mean.

191. Hey, bro.

192. - Hey, what's up? - Not cool.

193. - What? - That's my girlfriend.

194. Nice, dude.

195. You think it's cool to just stare at girls in the gym?

196. No. I mean, I wasn't staring. That's your girlfriend?

197. If I were you, I'd get her some slacks. Good for you letting her out like that.

198. If it was me, I'd have her in a fucking burka. I'd be sharia on her.

199. You need to leave, bro. I'm not gonna leave.

200. If everybody had to leave that looked at her ass, this would be a ghost town.

201. And we got another one.

202. This is the second guy we caught today leering at Brooke.

203. Women shouldn't have to worry about what they wear to the gym.

204. - You fucking filming me, dude? - Don't use that machine. It's a trap.

205. - No shit. Where were you five minutes ago? - Pretty nice though, right?

206. Do you have anything to say for yourself, bro?

207. I didn't know you were filming. I wouldn't have said any of that.

208. Yeah, objectifying women. You know that's not right, right?

209. Yeah. Yeah, of course.

210. It doesn't sound like you know that

211. 'cause it sounds like that's exactly what you just did.

212. It's cool you let her dress like that outside.

213. - And? - Sorry about all the sharia law stuff.

214. - And? - Just give me a second, man.

215. Oh, what's wrong with you? Why were you staring at her ass?

216. Answer me!

217. Look at the camera. Yeah, you're scared.

218. Say you're sorry. What else?

219. Ow!

220. I'm just fucking with you.

221. All right.

222. Well, you're fine. I think you were just having a panic attack.

223. No.

224. It's probably my heart. I was probably working out too hard.

225. No, no. We spoke with the gym staff. They say you were barely doing anything.

226. They fucking said that?

227. Oh, they have footage. But look, panic attacks are very common.

228. Do you have 'em a lot?

229. I've never had one, and I'm definitely not having one right now.

230. Uh, well,

231. we did give you some lorazepam,

232. so you should be feeling pretty good right now.

233. That's what that is, yeah.

234. But are you having any stress at work? Home?

235. Yeah, probably. Definitely.

236. Yeah. Okay, what do you do?

237. I'm a mechanic.

238. - Okay. - Actually, like, a partial owner.

239. Nice. What's that like?

240. - What's what like? - Owning an auto body shop.

241. Fuck. I guess...

242. Yeah, I don't know.

243. Okay, well,

244. unless you like hanging out at urgent care in strip malls, you're good to go, bro.

245. Ah!

246. Do you, uh... Do you have anybody that can come pick you up?

247. Uh...

248. - Do you have a car? - You can't ask her that.

249. I'm fucking around. Uh...

250. Yeah.

251. There's one, yeah.

252. I mean, how long?

253. How long are we gonna...

254. Are we by our phones? Are we not by our phones?

255. Hey, Kilah, any word from Shane? Nah.

256. Naturally.

257. Come on.

258. Anything?

259. Okay, that's it.

260. This is ridiculous!

261. Cal, Kilah, you're in charge because who gives a shit anyway?

262. No one listens to me. And I got ideas.

263. And nobody wants to listen to a single one.

264. What's he talking about?

265. How are you, Davey boy?

266. Pete, don't think I forgot what a fucking piece of shit you are.

267. I get it. It's water under the bridge. Don't sweat.

268. New beginning, you and me, huh?

269. New man, new company. What, you're fired from one,

270. they transfer you to another, like some pedophile priest?

271. Can't help that.

272. I got the best sales record in the whole goddamn area.

273. These guys wanna make some quick cash, they need the Petester.

274. Do they know why you were fired from your job?

275. They don't give a shit. These guys party harder than us.

276. I'm talking blow, booze, fucking butt plugs, jock straps,

277. and they do it at two feet tall.

278. It's like working for the Keebler Elves on blow. It's insane.

279. They got this one little fucker there, you wanna dip him in hoisin sauce.

280. - Little guy. Adorable. - I don't fucking do stuff like that, okay?

281. It's immoral. It's disgusting how you fucking behave.

282. How's single life, by the way? Getting some ass, huh?

283. - Dipping that little stick in something? - You're being vile, Pete. Okay?

284. For your information, I'm working things out with Barb.

285. I haven't slept with anybody but Barb in eight months, and I'm proud of that.

286. If I went eight months without fucking strange pussy,

287. without a side piece,

288. whoo, I'd walk into a fucking Friendly's and blow myself up.

289. God love you. I don't know how you fucking do it.

290. Pete, Phil Flanagan.

291. Hey! Let's get to it.

292. I love it. Look at this guy. What the fuck? You look like a GAP model.

293. What are you, fucking 45?

294. Whatever this guy's on, put it in a syringe and jam it in my nuts.

295. So, I hear you guys at TakaTaka have some pretty competitive rates.

296. - I appreciate that, and thanks. - Pretty horrific reviews though too.

297. Nah, don't worry about reviews.

298. That's the competitors trying to bring us down.

299. You know how that goes. New kid on the block.

300. Nothing to worry about.

301. Okay, you got 15 minutes. Let's go.

302. Okay. I like this guy. All fucking business. I like that a lot.

303. Straight shooter, this guy. You gotta love that. I love this, Phil.

304. I always say, who needs foreplay anyway, huh?

305. Let's get fucking down to business. Or as we say at TakaTaka...

306. I'm kidding. It's a Korean word. I don't know what it means.

307. Coleslaw, or something.

308. Kilah, if you tell anyone that I had a panic attack,

309. I'll fucking kill you.

310. Don't worry, I won't. I promise. All right.

311. Will you give me a ride to Phil's shop? Time for me to talk business with him.

312. Sure. A little business.

313. If that's what you want.

314. That's what I need.

315. If you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me.

316. Nah.

317. The doctor actually said I should, uh, try to keep it all bottled up.

318. And that I should never talk to people about my problems.

319. That's what he said.

320. But you're a good friend, and I love you.

321. Aw!

322. I like loopy Shane.

323. Shut the fuck up.

324. Holy shit!

325. Fucking pothole!

326. What?

327. What are you yelling about?

328. Damn, those...

329. those must be good.

330. Listen, Phil, I'm telling you, man to man, my word is my bond,

331. this company keeps going in the direction it's going,

332. we're gonna be in every major market in the country.

333. Be like the next Cheesecake Factory for tires,

334. and I want you to be along for that ride.

335. Thank you.

336. Pretty, uh... Pretty impressive numbers, I gotta say, Pete.

337. Thank you.

338. Uh, Dave, what do you think? - Dave loves the deal.

339. I can speak for myself.

340. I know, but you love the deal. We all love the deal, come on.

341. Look, honestly, Phil, I... I don't know.

342. - There's obviously some— - Hello?

343. - Fuck. - What the fuck?

344. Hey, Will, good to see you, buddy.

345. - Why is Pete here? Why are you here, Pete? - You guys know each other?

346. Yes, he embarrassed me last year with my nipples out.

347. Whatever.

348. So Pete is here representing TakaTaka Tires,

349. and he's got some pretty attractive numbers.

350. Oh, TakaTaka, the Korean company with the terrible reviews?

351. Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. We're with Commander, so you know...

352. Commander? Those guys suck!

353. They got glue problems. They tell you?

354. Glue problems? Okay. Their glue sucks!

355. Phil, can we just talk privately, okay?

356. - Just the two of us? - I can't be there?

357. Yeah, it's an owners' meeting, Dave.

358. Plus, you don't even like Pete, so...

359. Maybe I do.

360. Maybe I can set aside my personal loathing for this fat piece of disgusting shit

361. because he might help the company out. You ever think of that?

362. Put the company first, Will?

363. Uh, you gotta be joking me.

364. I'm not. - You gotta—

365. I'm not joking. You're the one who wasn't invited here.

366. You. You didn't get the invite, not me. How come nobody invited me?

367. - I'm fucking around. What you up to? - What the fuck happened to you?

368. I worked out so hard, they had to take me to the hospital.

369. Nice.

370. But it got me thinking while I was there.

371. What's this all about?

372. What are we doing here?

373. Not following.

374. I'm saying,

375. what do we do? What are you doing?

376. You don't understand?

377. No.

378. I didn't think you'd get it.

379. All right, everybody here. Roll call.

380. Jesus.

381. Roll call here.

382. Gonna do a little roll.

383. Uh, Phil, owner.

384. Your father.

385. Um, yeah, and I'm Dave.

386. Boo! - You've known me for a decade plus.

387. I, uh...

388. Boo!

389. was a manager.

390. I don't really exactly know what's going on now here,

391. if I'm being honest.

392. I'm Will,

393. and I'm in sort of a multi-hyphenate scenario right now.

394. And I'm Shane, and I'm a mechanic.

395. I'm a mechanic.

396. And I have no idea what's going on.

397. - Do you understand? - No.

398. We're all people.

399. Right?

400. And, Phil, you're the captain of the village. You're the big chief.

401. And me and Will,

402. we just gather fish with spears.

403. But without us,

404. the village fucking burns.

405. So...

406. what...

407. are we...

408. talking about? What are we talking about?

409. Well, Phil's trying to make a deal with TakaTaka,

410. and I told him we're with Commander.

411. Agreed. Owners' meeting, vote, agreed.

412. - Agreed. - Agreed. That carries.

413. Carries? What the fuck? That's it.

414. What? - Pete, we'll be in touch.

415. Really appreciate your enthusiasm. We'll talk to you soon.

416. The kid gets a hot dose, and we lose the deal?

417. Hey, no worries. We'll talk.

418. All good. I'm starving. All right.

419. Anybody wanna hit the Titty Committee? Couple of wings?

420. - It's a great place. - Great place.

421. Kid's not as fucked up as I thought.

422. On me? TakaTaka?

423. No. - Wingies?

424. Get the fuck out. - Say goodbye and leave.

425. Change your mind, I'll be in the parking lot.

426. - So long, Pete. - I'll be in my office.

427. Unreal.

428. What the fuck was that?

429. It's called business, Will. What the fuck are you talking about?

430. Why wasn't I invited to the meeting?

431. - I don't know. - You definitely know.

432. You know what? You're right. I do know.

433. But that's all you need to know.

434. Oh, fuck you!

435. Take a seat, Shane.

436. Okay.

437. That was, uh, quite a show.

438. It's all a show.

439. I'm gonna work out more often.

440. Maybe we should go fishing sometime.

441. I mean, I think that's something fathers and sons enjoy with each other.

442. What's that rock? What's that for? What is it?

443. It's a crystal.

444. What's it do?

445. As far as I know, nothing.

446. It's Bonnie's.

447. She left it here for, uh, recuperative powers.

448. Doesn't do shit.

449. Dad, there's something I need to tell you about Bonnie.

450. Okay.

451. I would smash.

452. You would smash?

453. Okay. That's fair enough. She's an attractive woman.

454. Kilah, just go ahead and murder him.

455. I don't wanna go fishing with you.

456. And blast off. We're up.

457. And also, Pete's a piece of shit!

458. Will, you really don't have what it takes to survive the delicate game of politics

459. this tire shop has become.

460. You'd get shot in North Korea so fucking fast.

461. What?

462. Dave! Dave!

463. You think I fucking like Pete? Pete's a fucking fat cocksucker.

464. I hope that fucking greaseball explodes after a truck hits him on the highway,

465. but until that beautiful day comes,

466. I will do what it takes to remain on top.

467. You would absolutely get executed in North Korea.

468. You think I would fucking die in North Korea? Are you kidding me?

469. I'd get my shit done like Kimmy Jong. We'd be fucking boys.

470. We would talk about the various silhouettes

471. that flatter our plus-sized bodies.

472. And after a couple conversations about wide-leg trousers,

473. I'd be on his personal pleasure yacht getting my dick sucked

474. by the members of his harem he's grown tired of,

475. firing fucking missiles at Bangladesh as a warning sign.

476. That's what I'd be fucking doing. You'd be fucking dead.

477. No, you are not hip to the new reality.

478. I am Kim Jong Un, okay? That's what you're not getting.

479. You will listen to me and get out of my office!

480. I'll leave because the meeting's over.

481. I hope you enjoyed your only meeting today.

482. "I hope you enjoyed your only meeting today."

483. Shut up, Dave, you fucking turd.

484. I've got him right where I want him.