1. Welcome to
The Tri-State Mid-Market Tire Expo.Copy !req
2. This is gonna be awesome.
Brock Majors rules.Copy !req
3. Why does everybody like him so much?
I don't even know who he is.Copy !req
4. You've never seen his videos?Copy !req
5. He goes to events and tells salesmen
if they don't make enough money,Copy !req
6. people are gonna fuck their wives.Copy !req
7. - Sounds like an asshole.
- He's a total fucking asshole.Copy !req
8. He makes dudes cry and shit.
This is gonna be hilarious.Copy !req
9. Good morning!Copy !req
10. Well, good morning. Welcome
to The Tri-State Mid-Market Tire Expo.Copy !req
11. Are you ready to have the rubber
hit the road today?Copy !req
12. Yes, we're very ready—Copy !req
13. We're so ready for our rubber
to start getting into some roads.Copy !req
14. I'm sorry. It was a long ride.Copy !req
15. It was long. We had to stop
at Will's favorite rest stop to shit.Copy !req
16. - You believe he has a favorite rest stop?
- He's joking.Copy !req
17. I'm not. We got close to it,
and he was like, "Only ten more milesCopy !req
18. to the James Gandolfini."
I said, "What's special about that?"Copy !req
19. He's like, "It's the best to poop."
I said, "That's crazy."Copy !req
20. I… I do not poop in public. I could never.Copy !req
21. I have a whole wet wipes situa—Copy !req
22. Can we just get our passes, please?Copy !req
23. Certainly. Uh, certainly. Uh…Copy !req
24. Valley Forge Auto.Copy !req
25. - Let's see here. Will Jacobs?
- That's me.Copy !req
26. And you must be Shane MacDaddy.Copy !req
27. Fuck, I forgot I did that.Copy !req
28. When's the Brock Majors event?Copy !req
29. He goes on at 4:00 p.m.
Do you have tickets?Copy !req
30. We… we needed tickets?Copy !req
31. - Yes, you had to reserve tickets.
- What?Copy !req
32. Yes, it's a ticketed event,
which means you need tickets.Copy !req
33. And if you don't have tickets,
then you cannot attend.Copy !req
34. - We know what tickets are.
- Do you have any other questions?Copy !req
35. - Just where's the fucking bar, then?
- Shane!Copy !req
36. I can't believe you blew it
on the fuckin' tickets.Copy !req
37. I didn't know!Copy !req
38. Why don't you ask your boyfriend
from True Thread?Copy !req
39. He's not my boyfriend.
Plus, I'm trying to avoid him.Copy !req
40. We don't have the loan yet,Copy !req
41. so I want to talk to other suppliers,
see if I can get a discount.Copy !req
42. You should try and mingle a little bit.
It seems like fun.Copy !req
43. This sucks, dude. This looks like
a shit and piss convention around here.Copy !req
44. - It's not a shit and piss convention.
- You know it is.Copy !req
45. My name tag says fuckin' Shane MacDaddy.
I thought this was gonna be funny.Copy !req
46. Now I'm gonna fit right in
at the shit and piss convention.Copy !req
47. You're in public.Copy !req
48. So, yeah, we're trying to secure
an all-weather tire at $105 apiece.Copy !req
49. Is that something you could do?Copy !req
50. - No.
- Do you have any Brock Majors tickets?Copy !req
51. Not any extra,
but I can show you our new line.Copy !req
52. Or we could skip all that shit,Copy !req
53. and what if we bought those tickets
from you? We'll pay.Copy !req
54. No, thanks.
You guys have fun at the conference.Copy !req
55. - You blew it again.
- Shane, stop!Copy !req
56. I'm not making a deal
so you can get tickets to the show.Copy !req
57. Hey, guys!
Wanna smell something awesome? Bah!Copy !req
58. Hi, I'm Gabby
from Gabby's Secret Scents.Copy !req
59. - Whoa, too slow.
- Fuck!Copy !req
60. Sorry about that.
Do you guys happen to sell air fresheners?Copy !req
61. If you do, then you should sell mine.Copy !req
62. If you don't, then you're fucking lame
and your cars stink.Copy !req
63. All right. I'm gonna fly solo for a while.Copy !req
64. - Oh, okay. Have a good one, pal.
- Yep.Copy !req
65. Hey, did you wanna hear my song?Copy !req
66. No.Copy !req
67. You guys got any extra tickets
to the show? No?Copy !req
68. Big dog. Sup, man?Copy !req
69. No?Copy !req
70. Do you guys have any tickets extra? No?Copy !req
71. I'm looking for some extra tickets
to Brock Majors. You have any?Copy !req
72. - Sorry, man, no.
- Can I buy any from you?Copy !req
73. - Don't have any, sorry.
- Okay.Copy !req
74. The fuck's going on in here?
Guy looks like he's jacking off a kid.Copy !req
75. Catholic Priest Simulator.
Tossing kids around.Copy !req
76. No, it's a pit crew simulator.Copy !req
77. That makes a lot more sense.Copy !req
78. Hi, Ryan with True Thread.
Grab a free tote. Free tote.Copy !req
79. Hey, stop on by True Thread.Copy !req
80. Okay, have a good day.Copy !req
81. Hey, Will!Copy !req
82. Oh, hey. I was… just… I…Copy !req
83. - I'll catch up with you in a second.
- Yeah, I'll be here.Copy !req
84. Hi. Will you guys
talk to me about something?Copy !req
85. Hey, can I get a beer?Copy !req
86. Uh, sorry. Bar's closed.Copy !req
87. Can you just grab me one of those beers?Copy !req
88. Nah, dude. Bar's closed. Opens at 5:00.Copy !req
89. What do you mean? There's an expo
full of people upstairs.Copy !req
90. - I just talked to Steve.
- Who's Steve?Copy !req
91. Steve Makowski, who owns the hotel.
You know Steve, obviously.Copy !req
92. - Yeah.
- You work here.Copy !req
93. - I don't know the owner, I'm sorry.
- Okay, trust me.Copy !req
94. - You don't wanna get on the wrong side.
- Do not.Copy !req
95. Steve said he wants the bar open early
and the booze to be flowingCopy !req
96. because today
is obviously about making deals,Copy !req
97. keeping the energy up here, right?Copy !req
98. Making the guests happy.Copy !req
99. Is this your first day?Copy !req
100. All right, listen.
I'll tell you what we'll do.Copy !req
101. Go ahead and grab a couple of beers
for my pal and me here,Copy !req
102. then I'll tell Steve that his bartender,
uh… Sorry, no name tag.Copy !req
103. - Uh, Mark.
- Mark is doing a bang-up job.Copy !req
104. - Okay.
- Take a second, Mark.Copy !req
105. Let me appreciate you.Copy !req
106. Appreciate you.Copy !req
107. Thanks so much, Mark.Copy !req
108. So you, like, know the owner?Copy !req
109. No. No, I just googled him.Copy !req
110. My name's Mike.Copy !req
111. - I'm Shane.
- Nice to meet you, Shane.Copy !req
112. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
113. What's your interest in Japanese toys?
Like, a scale of two to four.Copy !req
114. - Toys, like?
- Collectibles. Moneymakers.Copy !req
115. Oh, okay. I guess zero.Copy !req
116. - Two to four.
- Two.Copy !req
117. Okay.Copy !req
118. Dave, are we good to go
with this work or not?Copy !req
119. Why am I even here, Cal?Copy !req
120. - To tell me whether we're good to go—
- How the fuck did this happen?Copy !req
121. I'm sitting here answering questions
about a fucking coolant flush,Copy !req
122. and Will's at the fucking tire expo?Copy !req
123. Just a yes or no, Dave.
Are we gonna do this work or not?Copy !req
124. This isn't your fault.Copy !req
125. I've allowed my aura to be so depletedCopy !req
126. that you think
you can talk to me that way?Copy !req
127. - You don't have an aura.
- I have a very powerful aura.Copy !req
128. - Well, I can't feel it.
- Give it even one second.Copy !req
129. - Nothing.
- Fuck!Copy !req
130. I can't let this happen.Copy !req
131. What are we gonna do, Dave?Copy !req
132. We're gonna wait.Copy !req
133. We're gonna wait for Will
to make a mistake.Copy !req
134. - You're supposed to be convincing—
- Get out.Copy !req
135. Okay.Copy !req
136. Basically, I run the sales team
for the Dallas Auto Parts.Copy !req
137. I'm making a living,Copy !req
138. but I come to this stuff to kind of
get away from the wife and kids.Copy !req
139. - How about you? You got a wife and kids?
- No.Copy !req
140. I got a girlfriend.
We just got a turtle together.Copy !req
141. - Ah, that's an exciting starter kit.
- Yeah.Copy !req
142. I don't even know if I have a girlfriend.
She's not texting or calling back at all.Copy !req
143. So, what? You came here
to pick up on all the hot tire expo ass?Copy !req
144. No, dude. You see the women here?
They all have jacked forearms.Copy !req
145. I saw five different ladies
with bowl cuts.Copy !req
146. Yeah. Well, personally,
I'm a fan of bowl cuts, but…Copy !req
147. Why'd you come?Copy !req
148. My cousin asked me, and honestly,
I want to see that Brock Majors guy,Copy !req
149. but the tickets are all sold out.Copy !req
150. Ugh.Copy !req
151. - That guy sucks.
- That guy does suck. I love it.Copy !req
152. - Yeah?
- He's a fucking asshole. It's hilarious.Copy !req
153. If you want tickets to see him,Copy !req
154. why don't you schmooze some of these guys
and get tickets?Copy !req
155. I tried schmoozing. Nobody'll talk to me.
I'm just a fucking mechanic, you know?Copy !req
156. - You like being a mechanic?
- I did. But now, I don't know.Copy !req
157. My cousin wants me to move up to manager,
but I don't know if I can do all that.Copy !req
158. - It's, like, a lot.
- Yeah.Copy !req
159. You know, when I started off,
I told everyoneCopy !req
160. I was the best auto parts salesman
in all of Texas.Copy !req
161. The truth was, I hadn't sold anything.Copy !req
162. But I started believing
that I could sell stuff,Copy !req
163. and then other people
started believing it,Copy !req
164. and the next thing you know, I sold shit.Copy !req
165. And now it's led me
to sitting here with youCopy !req
166. with a very expensive
pair of underwear on.Copy !req
167. It's the dream.Copy !req
168. You think I should just go up there like…
like I'm a manager?Copy !req
169. Do you want the tickets?Copy !req
170. Hi, Will Jacobs, Valley Forge Automotive.
I'm the general manager over there.Copy !req
171. I run about four stores
'cause I'm a general manager.Copy !req
172. Hey, I'm Jim. Nice to meet you.
Who's your main tire supplier?Copy !req
173. Well, Jim, we've been with True Thread
for as long as I can remember,Copy !req
174. but I came here today
thinking about making a change.Copy !req
175. Big change, you know?Copy !req
176. Change all four shops.
It'd be a big deal for you.Copy !req
177. I'm looking to find someone who'll scratch
my back if I scratch theirs, you know?Copy !req
178. - I don't follow.
- You don't follow the scratching?Copy !req
179. I'm trying to find a tire company
that's gonna treat me right,Copy !req
180. the way I deserve to be treated, you know?Copy !req
181. Let's say I make this deal today.Copy !req
182. Think you'd throw on
some Brock Majors tickets on top?Copy !req
183. We don't have any tickets for that—Copy !req
184. But we could definitely help you
get a better rate.Copy !req
185. A better rate? That's crazy,
'cause we weren't talking about that.Copy !req
186. I was talking about Brock Majors tickets.
I'm a general manager. Can you help me?Copy !req
187. - Or are you guys gonna fuck this deal up?
- We don't have any extra tickets.Copy !req
188. You guys don't have any tickets?
Jim, no ticket from you?Copy !req
189. - No.
- No?Copy !req
190. You fucking blew it today.Copy !req
191. Ponytail Jim, you were useless.Copy !req
192. I'm telling Gary.Copy !req
193. Hey, what are you two boy-touchers
doing back here?Copy !req
194. No, I'm just fucking around.Copy !req
195. I'm Will Jacobs, Jewish general manager
at Valley Forge Auto.Copy !req
196. I've been going booth to booth here.
I need to find something special.Copy !req
197. I need to find someone
with some Brock Majors tickets.Copy !req
198. No? Maybe you guys are boy-touchers.
Maybe I wasn't joking.Copy !req
199. I'm looking for two things.Copy !req
200. Tires and tickets to Brock Majors.
Can you help me out?Copy !req
201. Hi, I'm Jewish. Do you have extra tickets
to the Brock Majors show tonight?Copy !req
202. Sir? Hi, I'm not Jewish.Copy !req
203. Do you have any tickets
to the Brock Majors show?Copy !req
204. You guys selling gloves? Sick.
You got any fuckin' tickets?Copy !req
205. - What are these, tires?
- Yeah.Copy !req
206. - Yep.
- Tires.Copy !req
207. - Do you love it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
208. - Love it. It's great.
- I like all tires.Copy !req
209. I like all hair colors, too, so…Copy !req
210. - That's good.
- I'm Shane.Copy !req
211. - Hi.
- I'm a manager.Copy !req
212. Really cool of you.Copy !req
213. - I have a girlfriend, so…
- Love that.Copy !req
214. - I have a girlfriend.
- Cool.Copy !req
215. Line's always long.Copy !req
216. Yeah.Copy !req
217. Will.Copy !req
218. Yeah?Copy !req
219. I'm Will from Mavis.Copy !req
220. Oh, I'm Will from Valley Forge.Copy !req
221. Oh wow. You guys should get
an apartment together.Copy !req
222. Excuse you?Copy !req
223. I run the East Coast stores.
My dad's company.Copy !req
224. Oh, mine too.
How many stores do you guys have?Copy !req
225. 2,300.Copy !req
226. Jesus!Copy !req
227. You guys?Copy !req
228. Six.Copy !req
229. Hey, six is good.Copy !req
230. My dad had 12 when I took over.Copy !req
231. Hey, how do you go
from 12 to 2,300 stores?Copy !req
232. How does that even happen?Copy !req
233. Honestly?Copy !req
234. Risk.Copy !req
235. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
236. It sounds cliché,
but you gotta put everything on the line.Copy !req
237. Get a scalable business model
and take risks.Copy !req
238. It's scary, but only if you're scared.Copy !req
239. One, please.Copy !req
240. It's all explained here.
Let me get one here for you.Copy !req
241. - Okay, Ryan?
- Yeah?Copy !req
242. - Go check the bike tires out in the back—
- No, I got this.Copy !req
243. It's okay. Do me a favor. Kid needs help
with the bucket of steam there.Copy !req
244. Grab it for him. Thanks.
Sorry about that, fellas.Copy !req
245. My cousin's brother. I'm Pete.Copy !req
246. Hey, man.Copy !req
247. Oh, hey, buddy. Good to see you again.
I love the haircut.Copy !req
248. - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
249. That haircut sucks.Copy !req
250. Excuse me.Copy !req
251. Dickheads.Copy !req
252. Who's that?Copy !req
253. That's Pete Seidel.
He's one of the other reps at True Thread.Copy !req
254. He's always ragging on me
for not making sales.Copy !req
255. When he found out my wife does CrossFit,Copy !req
256. he started saying girls that do CrossFit
look like Ninja Turtles.Copy !req
257. It's actually kind of funny,
but it's like, hey, man, that's my wife.Copy !req
258. That seems mean.Copy !req
259. Yeah, exactly. But, you know, whatever.Copy !req
260. I'm sure I'll get a win soon.Copy !req
261. Hey, remember that deal we talked about?Copy !req
262. - I think we're gonna do it.
- Yeah?Copy !req
263. Yeah.Copy !req
264. - Okay, uh, step into my office.
- You got an office?Copy !req
265. - Yeah.
- I wasn't gonna come over.Copy !req
266. I ran into the guys at Eastwood,
and they were talking shit about you guys.Copy !req
267. - What'd they say?
- I don't wanna tell you.Copy !req
268. - Please tell me.
- All right.Copy !req
269. They said Commander makes toilet tires,
and that you mostly sell shit and piss,Copy !req
270. and that you were the big shit man.Copy !req
271. - Me?
- Yeah. Sean? Yeah.Copy !req
272. - They said Sean was the big shit guy.
- You know they're lying.Copy !req
273. We can offer you a deal too.Copy !req
274. - Discount. Better than them.
- Yeah?Copy !req
275. - Yeah.
- This is what I've been looking for.Copy !req
276. - Here I am.
- You got it. You're a dog.Copy !req
277. All the other salesmen are cats.
We got cats everywhere.Copy !req
278. - I run into you, a real dog.
- I am a dog.Copy !req
279. - Hell yeah.
- What's your name?Copy !req
280. My name's Will Jacobs,
general manager at Valley Forge.Copy !req
281. Also, I'm in a rush,
so let's hurry this up.Copy !req
282. - I'm gonna talk to my boss about a deal.
- Yeah.Copy !req
283. Let's talk to your boss about getting
two tickets to Brock Majors tonight for meCopy !req
284. to kinda sweeten the deal.Copy !req
285. I'll look into it.
Brock Majors is the man.Copy !req
286. - He's awesome.
- I love him. My whole life.Copy !req
287. I think he fuckin' sucks,
but that's why I wanna go.Copy !req
288. What? Well, it motivates.Copy !req
289. - He's a strong male presence in my life.
- Yeah.Copy !req
290. - No, he rules.
- He does. Yeah.Copy !req
291. - Yes.
- Yeah.Copy !req
292. Ryan, this car is awesome!Copy !req
293. - I know. It's wild, right?
- Don't touch the steering wheel, please.Copy !req
294. Don't touch anything.Copy !req
295. I'm not.Copy !req
296. Tyler. He's such an asshole.Copy !req
297. - I know.
- "Don't touch it."Copy !req
298. "Don't touch anything."Copy !req
299. - "Shut up!"
- "Shut up, dude."Copy !req
300. Anyway. Okay,
so, uh, let's talk about your order.Copy !req
301. - What are you looking to buy here?
- Well, we're gonna go big.Copy !req
302. I think we're gonna do all 3,000 units.Copy !req
303. Oh!Copy !req
304. Holy shit, dude!Copy !req
305. I shouldn't be telling you this, but this
is gonna be a huge commission for me.Copy !req
306. No, no. I want you to get it.Copy !req
307. I get a commission
on the increase in the tire—Copy !req
308. Freeze, fuckers!
What are you two fuckin' weirdos doing?Copy !req
309. - Are you sucking my little girl?
- Shane!Copy !req
310. You guys shouldn't be doing that,
sneaking off to suck each other's nipples.Copy !req
311. - He sucks nipples.
- I don't!Copy !req
312. We're trying to conduct business here.Copy !req
313. Oh, you're doing business?
I've been doing a little myself.Copy !req
314. Commander Tires just offered me
3.25 off every tireCopy !req
315. if we order more than 1,000.Copy !req
316. How'd you get that?Copy !req
317. Walking around telling everybody I was youCopy !req
318. and that I was violently addicted
to child porn.Copy !req
319. Do you think you could beat that?
Also, I'm not addicted to child porn.Copy !req
320. Uh…Copy !req
321. Yeah, d… definitely.
Let me, uh… Let me talk to my boss.Copy !req
322. Yeah? Also, Brock Majors tickets.Copy !req
323. Commander Tires said they'd throw that in
if we signed today.Copy !req
324. Um…Copy !req
325. - I'll see what I can do.
- Did you guys for real kiss?Copy !req
326. - Shane!
- What? No!Copy !req
327. - Did you guys go, "Let's make a deal"?
- No!Copy !req
328. We're sitting in a car
having a… having a chat.Copy !req
329. - Yeah, sitting in a Lambo.
- Yeah.Copy !req
330. - That's what they call it?
- Shane!Copy !req
331. Fucking has muscles. Who gives a fuck?
You fucking…Copy !req
332. - What are they talking about?
- I don't know. That's his boss.Copy !req
333. He's very high up at True Thread.Copy !req
334. Know what he's saying?Copy !req
335. "You should see how good
I'm tricking this fuckin' idiot."Copy !req
336. "He's falling for everything.
He's gonna end up sucking my dick."Copy !req
337. "Well, I'll be damned!
We gonna get our dicks sucked."Copy !req
338. "Exactly, boss. He's gonna suck
both of our dicks. I prom—"Copy !req
339. Oh shit, here he comes. Be quiet.Copy !req
340. - Don't say anything about him.
- Shane!Copy !req
341. Okay, good news.Copy !req
342. We can match the offer,
but he said you gotta sign right now.Copy !req
343. Can we have a second?Copy !req
344. Yeah, I'm sure that's fine,
but you've kinda gotta sign right away.Copy !req
345. - Should you call your dad?
- I don't know.Copy !req
346. I think we should take a risk.Copy !req
347. - What do you think?
- Dude.Copy !req
348. Deal!Copy !req
349. Yes! Okay, I got the order
right there on the iPad.Copy !req
350. Just sign right there.Copy !req
351. - Oh, the tickets. What about the tickets?
- I have one extra for Will.Copy !req
352. Oh fuck!Copy !req
353. All these other vendors got extra.
Ask around.Copy !req
354. - I've asked everybody.
- I'm sure somebody's got one.Copy !req
355. What the fuck?Copy !req
356. Un-fucking-believable.Copy !req
357. Un-fucking-believable!Copy !req
358. This is Jon.Copy !req
359. Jon, am I even the general manager
of Valley Forge Auto anymore?Copy !req
360. We increase our inventory by 50%,
and I'm not even notified?Copy !req
361. - What?
- Check your email.Copy !req
362. Oh, for Christ's sake.Copy !req
363. Whoopsie-daisy, Willie-boy.Copy !req
364. - Congrats, Mr. Jacobs.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
365. Oops.Copy !req
366. Look who made a sale.
Guess the drought's over.Copy !req
367. For now.Copy !req
368. Boom!Copy !req
369. Hey, nice ponytail.Copy !req
370. What?Copy !req
371. Excuse me.Copy !req
372. My shit fucked up?Copy !req
373. All right. All right.Copy !req
374. - Hello, Dad.
- Hey.Copy !req
375. Got an email from True Thread
saying we ordered 3,000 tires?Copy !req
376. Well, yes.Copy !req
377. I said I was gonna
when we got the loan, and I figuredCopy !req
378. that was coming any day now.Copy !req
379. The lady at the bank said
it was just dotting I's and crossing T's.Copy !req
380. There is no loan.Copy !req
381. What?Copy !req
382. The bank said no?Copy !req
383. The bank said yes.Copy !req
384. I'm saying no.Copy !req
385. I'm not accepting the loan, Will.Copy !req
386. It's too big of a risk.Copy !req
387. Absolutely not! Bad move!Copy !req
388. It is not a bad move.Copy !req
389. It's a terrible move!
What's wrong with you?Copy !req
390. Will, I would like to retire.Copy !req
391. Someday. It's kinda hard to do thatCopy !req
392. with a million-dollar loan
hanging over your head.Copy !req
393. Listen to me, bud.
You gotta trust me on this.Copy !req
394. I got a plan.Copy !req
395. Okay?Copy !req
396. I got a good plan.Copy !req
397. - And you're gonna like it.
- Dad.Copy !req
398. Will, cancel the order, right?Copy !req
399. Just need to take things easier
for a while, okay?Copy !req
400. When you get back, we'll talk.
All right, bud. Love you.Copy !req
401. Bow, bow-bow-bow, bow-bow!Copy !req
402. Oi, who's this, then?Copy !req
403. I'm just kidding.
It's me, Gabby, with my Secret Scents.Copy !req
404. I have the perfect one for you this time.Copy !req
405. Get away from me, you psycho.Copy !req
406. All right. Jeez. Sorry.Copy !req
407. I just thought
maybe you'd wanna smell this.Copy !req
408. What on earth?Copy !req
409. Mm!Copy !req
410. Gabby's Secret Scents.
Gabby's Secret Scents.Copy !req
411. I'll remember that.
I'm gonna leave a bad review.Copy !req
412. You remember that, bud.
See you in your nightmares. Bitch.Copy !req
413. There he is!Copy !req
414. - All right.
- We're thrilled.Copy !req
415. I'm supposed to fuck my wife
'cause Captain Phoenix made a sale?Copy !req
416. Give me a fucking break.Copy !req
417. Oh, this is my guy.Copy !req
418. - Dave, you lying sack of shit. What's up?
- Petey, you fat prick son of a bitch.Copy !req
419. Heard the wife found out.Copy !req
420. Yeah, you were right.
I should've deleted them off the iPad too.Copy !req
421. Lawyer says I should be all right.
Most of my shit's in my mom's name anyway.Copy !req
422. Um… Hey, listen.Copy !req
423. You got a sales rep over there named Ryan?Copy !req
424. Yeah. He's a real fucking asshole. Why?Copy !req
425. Yeah, he is a fucking asshole.
But wait till you get a load of this.Copy !req
426. Uh-huh. Well, that is
very good to know, my friend.Copy !req
427. Next time at the strip club,
brunch is on me.Copy !req
428. Hey, you got money?Copy !req
429. Get away from the goddamn rims.Copy !req
430. Hey, Ryan. Congrats on the sale, buddy.Copy !req
431. All right? Seriously.Copy !req
432. Will, I love this. This is good.Copy !req
433. Now, it makes no sense
that a customer would buy from someoneCopy !req
434. that they don't trust.Copy !req
435. I don't mean trust
the way you trust your mommyCopy !req
436. to pick you up from the airport.Copy !req
437. Or the way you trust your "doctor."Copy !req
438. The customer needs to trustCopy !req
439. that you will hunt for them.Copy !req
440. You will kill for them.Copy !req
441. And you will provide for them.Copy !req
442. They need to trust
that if fucking World War III breaks out,Copy !req
443. you're gonna pick 'em up
in an apocalypse-ready jeepCopy !req
444. with a fucking machine gun
welded to the roof!Copy !req
445. Get hard!Copy !req
446. - Say hard!
- Hard!Copy !req
447. - Say hard!
- Hard!Copy !req
448. - Say hard!
- Hard!Copy !req
449. In order for them to trust you,Copy !req
450. you need to trust yourself.Copy !req
451. You need to be honest with yourself.Copy !req
452. You need to take personal inventory
of your shit.Copy !req
453. Oh yeah?Copy !req
454. Who said that?Copy !req
455. Who the fuck said that?Copy !req
456. Probably some loser!Copy !req
457. Somebody who's afraid of success!Copy !req
458. Some fat, drunk idiot!Copy !req
459. Now…Copy !req
460. …who's ready to be honest with himself?Copy !req
461. I need a salesmanCopy !req
462. who's ready to take his game
to the next level. Who wants in?Copy !req
463. You're too fat!Copy !req
464. Too short.Copy !req
465. You fucking kidding me?Copy !req
466. Right here!Copy !req
467. You. What's your name?Copy !req
468. - Uh, Ryan.
- Get your ass up here, Ryan.Copy !req
469. Hey, Will?Copy !req
470. Dave called me.Copy !req
471. Where are you from?Copy !req
472. - Erie, Pennsylv—
- Nobody gives a shit. Take off your top.Copy !req
473. Oh, I don't think we need to do all that.Copy !req
474. - Do you wanna be a good salesman?
- Yes.Copy !req
475. Did you come here
for the Brock Majors experience?Copy !req
476. - Yeah.
- Fuck yeah.Copy !req
477. Do you wanna feel the soft lips of success
sucking your dick every night?Copy !req
478. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
479. As long as, uh, success
is comfortable with it.Copy !req
480. Then show me Ryan from Erie, PA,
at his most vulnerable.Copy !req
481. Take off your fucking top.Copy !req
482. - Take it off!
- Okay.Copy !req
483. There's a lot of buttons
on these things. Sorry.Copy !req
484. - And the fucking lanyard.
- Oh.Copy !req
485. Now let me ask you.Copy !req
486. Are you happy with your body?Copy !req
487. Well, yeah, I guess so.
I put a lot of hard work into it, so—Copy !req
488. What am I holding?Copy !req
489. What am I holding?Copy !req
490. - Fat!
- That's right. Your fat!Copy !req
491. I'm holding your fat.Copy !req
492. And you're proud of that?Copy !req
493. Uh, well, no. I guess I could stand
to lose a few. I'm sorry.Copy !req
494. Don't apologize to me!
You let yourself down, didn't you?Copy !req
495. You're a fat little piggyCopy !req
496. who couldn't keep his nose
out of the trough, could he?Copy !req
497. Okay, there's no need for name-calling.Copy !req
498. Ryan, how are you as a salesman?Copy !req
499. He's still getting the hang of it.Copy !req
500. Shut up.Copy !req
501. Yeah, he could use some work.Copy !req
502. Hey, Dave, just so you know,
I just sold 3,000 tires, okay?Copy !req
503. Bullshit. To who?Copy !req
504. - Will Jacobs at Valley Forge Auto.
- Will Jacobs?Copy !req
505. - Isn't that you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
506. - Will, get your ass up here.
- Yeah, Will. Jump up there.Copy !req
507. Will Jacobs from Valley Forge Auto.Copy !req
508. Hello.Copy !req
509. Will, did you buy 3,000 tires from Ryan?Copy !req
510. Yes.Copy !req
511. Take your top off.Copy !req
512. Absolutely not.Copy !req
513. He's scared.Copy !req
514. Yeah, he is.Copy !req
515. I'm not… I'm not scared.Copy !req
516. I'm not scared.Copy !req
517. - This guy's an asshole.
- I'll pop my top off.Copy !req
518. - Changed my life.
- There's no tailoring.Copy !req
519. This guy fucking sucks.Copy !req
520. I don't even know
what the fuck I'm looking at.Copy !req
521. It's just the male body.Copy !req
522. I have narrow shoulders.
It creates an illusion.Copy !req
523. Will, what do you think of Ryan
as a salesman?Copy !req
524. Oh, he's got something to tell him.Copy !req
525. What's going on?Copy !req
526. Will, you're his customer.Copy !req
527. I need you to be honest with him.Copy !req
528. There's nothing to be honest about.
I like Ryan.Copy !req
529. Go ahead, Will, tell him.Copy !req
530. - Shut up!
- What do you have to tell him, Will?Copy !req
531. Nothing.Copy !req
532. Well, something.Copy !req
533. But it's private.Copy !req
534. He's canceling the order.Copy !req
535. Yeah… yeah, right, Pete.
You're… you're just jealous.Copy !req
536. Oh, okay.Copy !req
537. He's… he's right.Copy !req
538. What the hell, dude?Copy !req
539. - You suck.
- Fuck, dude.Copy !req
540. Asshole.Copy !req
541. Ryan, I'm sorry.Copy !req
542. Cunt! Cunt! Cunt!Copy !req
543. Hey! Hey, hey! Hey!Copy !req
544. Dude, you fucked me.
I thought we were friends.Copy !req
545. No, Ryan, we were fr— We are friends.Copy !req
546. We worked out together.Copy !req
547. Let's just pop our tops back on
and talk about this like adults.Copy !req
548. Don't forget this, Ryan.Copy !req
549. Use this.Copy !req
550. And remember,Copy !req
551. there are no friends in this business,Copy !req
552. only obstacles.Copy !req
553. Ah shit.Copy !req
554. Goddamn it.Copy !req
555. - Will, you suck!
- Yeah, Will!Copy !req
556. Yeah, suck it, Will!Copy !req
557. I won't forget this.Copy !req
558. Ryan, just hold on.
Let's just talk about it.Copy !req
559. We can meet outside.Copy !req
560. Thank you for pulling the fire alarm.Copy !req
561. No problem, dude.Copy !req
562. Oh, and just so you know,
I had to buy about 500 air freshenersCopy !req
563. from that fucking space cadet over there.Copy !req
564. - Sorry about the loan.
- It's okay.Copy !req
565. I just can't believe my dad said no.Copy !req
566. I don't know. My dad said yes
to every business opportunity,Copy !req
567. and look how that fuckin' turned out.Copy !req
568. - Hey, there's my guy! How are you?
- Hey, Mike.Copy !req
569. Great to see ya.Copy !req
570. - What's going on, man?
- How goes it?Copy !req
571. Yeah, told you the girls
weren't so terrible here.Copy !req
572. No, this isn't a lesbian.
This is my cousin, Will.Copy !req
573. How are ya?
Did you guys go to the show? How was it?Copy !req
574. Could've been worse.Copy !req
575. It literally couldn't have been any worse.Copy !req
576. Brock humiliated me with my nipples out.Copy !req
577. That part sucked.Copy !req
578. That was the entire thing!Copy !req
579. I told you that guy sucks.
Who cares? Shake the thing off.Copy !req
580. Move!Copy !req
581. Christ, there he is.Copy !req
582. Give me a water, no ice.Copy !req
583. Hey, Brock!Copy !req
584. Brock!Copy !req
585. - I don't know you, chief.
- Oh, I know you.Copy !req
586. You were the fat guy in high schoolCopy !req
587. who lost 50 pounds
and got super into fitness.Copy !req
588. Had a steady diet of podcasts
and self-help books.Copy !req
589. Probably have a fairly attractive wifeCopy !req
590. who has the body
of a boy Chechnyan gymnast.Copy !req
591. - Fuck you talking about?
- "I'm much for fun."Copy !req
592. "I like to make the sexy."
And I love that for you.Copy !req
593. My wife could put you
through a wall, buddy.Copy !req
594. I don't doubt it.Copy !req
595. I might even sign up for it.Copy !req
596. Sorry, what do you do?Copy !req
597. I try and inspire people.Copy !req
598. I tell people,
if there's something they want in life,Copy !req
599. to believe in themselves
and to go out there and to grab it.Copy !req
600. And I don't humiliate anybody.Copy !req
601. I motivate people.Copy !req
602. You're a bully, Brock.Copy !req
603. Nobody likes a bully.Copy !req
604. You were fat in high school,
you fat fucking cunt!Copy !req
605. Yeah, fuck you, pussy!Copy !req
606. A little heavy on the gas,
but I love the point of view.Copy !req
607. I gotta go make a call.Copy !req
608. I'm gonna pop out. I'll be right back.Copy !req
609. - See you later, manager.
- Hell yeah.Copy !req
610. Bartender?Copy !req
611. Send over one old-fashionedCopy !req
612. and a bowl of milk for Brock.Copy !req
613. Hey, fat-ass, come take a seat.Copy !req
614. Look, I was never… I was never fat, okay?Copy !req
615. Always jacked.Copy !req
616. This is Phil. Leave a message.Copy !req
617. Hi, Uncle Phil? It's Will.Copy !req
618. How you doing, you bulldog?Copy !req
619. I did mean that the other day
when I saw you.Copy !req
620. You do have bulldog qualities.Copy !req
621. You know, your neck.Copy !req
622. But… I… I had some… some business
that I wanted to discuss with you.Copy !req
623. So, um, maybe…Copy !req
624. Maybe that's something we could…
you could call me back about,Copy !req
625. and we could chat it out, you know?Copy !req
626. I… I'm not very good
at leaving voicemails,Copy !req
627. but… but… but don't tell Shane
I left you this voicemail because, um,Copy !req
628. I think it's just something I wanna
discuss with you privately first.Copy !req
629. And, uh, it's Will, by the way.Copy !req
630. I don't know if I said? It's Will.
All right, talk to you soon. Bye-bye.Copy !req
631. This is Kelly. I'm busy.Copy !req
632. Leave me a message
or text me like a normal person.Copy !req
633. Hey, Kelly. Nice voicemail.Copy !req
634. Uh, it's Shane. I was just calling
'cause, I don't know, I miss…Copy !req
635. I wanted to talk to you.
I'm at this fucking convention thing,Copy !req
636. and I don't know.Copy !req
637. I met this guy, and he was talking to me,
and we had a couple beers,Copy !req
638. and he was like, "If you wanna
do something, you should follow it,"Copy !req
639. and I figured
I would give you a call, you know?Copy !req
640. And I miss you.Copy !req
641. I wanted you to know I don't do coke
like that. That was a one-time thing.Copy !req
642. Excuse me.Copy !req
643. Not you.Copy !req
644. It's some fucking lady.Copy !req
645. But you're number one.Copy !req
646. And that's all I wanna say.Copy !req
647. Nailed it.Copy !req
648. Nobody's gonna keep me from youCopy !req
649. Leave you bloody
From your head to your shoesCopy !req
650. I can't be bargained with
I can't be refusedCopy !req
651. Rot in pieces, I'll be seeing you soonCopy !req
652. All your mistakes
Are gonna catch up with youCopy !req
653. You say you're changing…Copy !req