1. - Hi, I'm Gabe Marvis.Copy !req
2. I'm a licensed chiropractor
in three states.Copy !req
3. And this is my lovely wife's friend Gina,
who started as my friend,Copy !req
4. but that's not really important.Copy !req
5. Gina, we're gonna lay you down,
get that lower back stretched out.Copy !req
6. All right. I'm gonna creep down here
to your lower back.Copy !req
7. - You ready?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
8. This will get you a bit deeper
into the stretch.Copy !req
9. That's nice.Copy !req
10. Already got it.Copy !req
11. Hey, turn this off. What is it?Copy !req
12. It's chiropractor videos.Copy !req
13. It's totally safe for work.Copy !req
14. Can I have more of that one?Copy !req
15. More?
Yeah!Copy !req
16. Jesus, Shane!Copy !req
17. This is marketing. This is...
This guy's a genius.Copy !req
18. He takes hot chicks,
puts 'em in yoga outfits.Copy !req
19. He has no fucking idea what he's doing.Copy !req
20. He's pressing the fuck
out of these girls' butts.Copy !req
21. That's what you should do.
Bikini car wash.Copy !req
22. Shane, we're not doing a bikini car wash.Copy !req
23. Get a bunch of chicks out here,
hot chicks. Put 'em in bikinis.Copy !req
24. Tell customers if they get a car wash,
we'll give 'em a discount on tires.Copy !req
25. That's gonna work, dude.
Look at this. Millions of views.Copy !req
26. nice and loose,
and that's not uncommon.Copy !req
27. Close it out.
It is indistinguishable from porn.Copy !req
28. Oh my God.Copy !req
29. I mean, if a customer walks in and, uh...Copy !req
30. Feels really good.Copy !req
31. sees this...Copy !req
32. We'll loosen you up.Copy !req
33. they'll...Copy !req
34. Do you hear that?
Yeah.Copy !req
35. - Oh wow!
Deeper?Copy !req
36. Yeah.
Yeah, deeper.Copy !req
37. - Want me to send you a link to it?
- Yes.Copy !req
38. So tight.Copy !req
39. Uh, hey, what's up?Copy !req
40. - Will?
- Ant!Copy !req
41. - How you doing?
Good!Copy !req
42. - This is Anthony. He's a gig worker.
Hey.Copy !req
43. He's gonna help me build
a PowerPoint presentationCopy !req
44. so I can pitch
the cheap tires idea to my dad.Copy !req
45. And he's gonna help make some mock-up adsCopy !req
46. 'cause we wanna find
a big way to market this.Copy !req
47. You have a Black friend?Copy !req
48. Well, yes, but Ant is
a graphic designer that I hired.Copy !req
49. But you're saying you have Black friends?Copy !req
50. Yes.Copy !req
51. Name one.Copy !req
52. Uh...Copy !req
53. - Dainian.
- Tomlinson?Copy !req
54. Chargers' all-time leading rusher
LaDainian Tomlinson is your friend?Copy !req
55. Okay, Ant is here to create a campaign
around the cheap tires idea.Copy !req
56. So we need to come up
with some marketing ideas.Copy !req
57. Dude, tits. Bikini car wash.Copy !req
58. Not that.
You in a bikini.Copy !req
59. - Classy, but eye candy for the fellas.
That's enough. Okay!Copy !req
60. Carrying buckets like a milkmaid.Copy !req
61. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
62. What's up, Kilah? Delivery. Taillights.Copy !req
63. Saw a bobcat on 202 this morning.Copy !req
64. - Cool.
- Yeah, not my first time.Copy !req
65. Hi, you've reached
Dave Louvopolis from Valley Forge Auto.Copy !req
66. Please leave a message,
and I'll get back to you very soon.Copy !req
67. - Dave, it's Will.Copy !req
68. It's the third time I've called today.
Please call me back. Pronto.Copy !req
69. Okay, so what do we got?Copy !req
70. Okay, so far I came up with this.
What do you think?Copy !req
71. Okay, that's a good start.Copy !req
72. But, uh, what about this?Copy !req
73. What if it's a stack of tires,
and I'm digging money out of them?Copy !req
74. So your idea is just a Jewish guy
digging through a pile of money?Copy !req
75. No, just don't draw me that Jewish.Copy !req
76. You want me to make another person?Copy !req
77. What?Copy !req
78. - He's a computer guy, not Rembrandt.
- I'm just here for the day.Copy !req
79. Shane, why would you derail—
- Will, could I talk to you for a second?Copy !req
80. - I'm busy!
- I need to talk to you.Copy !req
81. - Say it here.
- I can't. Something I need to tell Will.Copy !req
82. - We keeping secrets?
No.Copy !req
83. - If you are, I'm gonna fuck your day up.
- It's not a secret.Copy !req
84. I had a dream last night,
and I need to tell Will about it.Copy !req
85. I was back playing high school hockey.Copy !req
86. My mom was a goalie.
She had spiders for legs.Copy !req
87. - Oh my God. Go. Go.
Yeah, it was really...Copy !req
88. Go with him.Copy !req
89. This dream better be shorter
than the one from yesterday.Copy !req
90. There's no dream. I just needed a way
to get Shane off our back.Copy !req
91. You help me with something?Copy !req
92. No, I'm working on this PowerPoint.Copy !req
93. Fuck that. That thing sucks.Copy !req
94. Why don't you help me?Copy !req
95. Is this gonna go in the PowerPoint?Copy !req
96. - Listen, I got bad news.
- Oh.Copy !req
97. I heard a rumor
that they're selling one of the shops.Copy !req
98. One of ours?Copy !req
99. Can you draw babes?Copy !req
100. I can draw babes.Copy !req
101. But, just to let you know,
I'm terrible with faces.Copy !req
102. That don't matter none.Copy !req
103. Which one?Copy !req
104. I don't know. I assume the worst one,
which is Belmont or yours.Copy !req
105. Whoa! Ours? Ours "worst one."Copy !req
106. - Sure.
- Who told you?Copy !req
107. Doesn't matter. It's a reliable source.Copy !req
108. What if I said you could spend your day
getting paid to draw titties?Copy !req
109. I'm listening.Copy !req
110. Fuck!Copy !req
111. Don't tell Shane, all right?
'Cause he'll tell everyone.Copy !req
112. He's a gossip, like a high school girl.Copy !req
113. - He is like a high school girl.
- Yeah.Copy !req
114. Totally. Okay, I gotta go call Dave.Copy !req
115. Okay, don't say anything weird.Copy !req
116. Are you kidding me?
We're selling one of the stores?Copy !req
117. From Cal I'm hearing that?Copy !req
118. I'm due the respect of not hearing this
from a mechanic.Copy !req
119. And, by the way, I hope it's Belmont.Copy !req
120. It better be Belmont.Copy !req
121. Because, you know,
there's a lot going on here.Copy !req
122. Ideas, ton of 'em floating around.Copy !req
123. Uh...Copy !req
124. You're in trouble, buster.
That's all I'm saying.Copy !req
125. I don't mean to yell.
If anybody's fired, it's fucking you.Copy !req
126. Tell my dad this.Copy !req
127. If it's my store and it's not Belmont's,Copy !req
128. Thanksgiving's gonna be fucking nuts!Copy !req
129. Dave, it's Will, by the way. Call me back.Copy !req
130. Goddamn, you weren't lying, man.
You suck at drawing faces.Copy !req
131. But those tits are perfect.Copy !req
132. Thank you. A lot of student loans
to make those tits.Copy !req
133. You went to school for tit drawing?Copy !req
134. No. Finance.Copy !req
135. They kicked me out
for doing shit like this.Copy !req
136. - There you go, buddy.Copy !req
137. Thank you for calling
Valley Forge Automotive Center in Wayne.Copy !req
138. It's a wonderful day to be on the road.
This is Jeffrey.Copy !req
139. Cooch, it's Will.Copy !req
140. - Hey, Will.
- From Westchester.Copy !req
141. Right. Right.Copy !req
142. The boss's son.Copy !req
143. Oh, Will! What's going on, big guy?Copy !req
144. Well, a lot. Is my dad or Dave there?Copy !req
145. No. They actually popped out
not too long ago.Copy !req
146. Where'd they go?Copy !req
147. They said they were going to a meeting,
and then Applebee's,Copy !req
148. but Dave wanted to go to Outback because
they have the full-length bathroom doors.Copy !req
149. Where is the meeting?Copy !req
150. Uh, not sure. Maybe the Springfield store.Copy !req
151. Hey, Will, uh...Copy !req
152. How much chocolate milk
have you had today?Copy !req
153. - Huh?Copy !req
154. You know, it's, like, 10:00 a.m.Copy !req
155. Must have had,
like, three chocolate milks by now.Copy !req
156. - What are you talking about?
- That's your thing, right?Copy !req
157. You drink chocolate milk all day.Copy !req
158. No!Copy !req
159. That's not what we heard, dude.Copy !req
160. I never drink chocolate milk.Copy !req
161. Almost perfect.
I'd like to make a few adjustments.Copy !req
162. Are you spreading a rumorCopy !req
163. that I like to drink
an enormous amount of chocolate milk?Copy !req
164. No.Copy !req
165. Maybe. I don't remember.Copy !req
166. Yes, you do.Copy !req
167. It's believable. Doesn't it look like
he drinks chocolate milk all the time?Copy !req
168. - You do have that look. I can see it.
- Are you working on the PowerPoint?Copy !req
169. I'm designing a poster
for your bikini car wash.Copy !req
170. Okay—Copy !req
171. Will, Belmont store on line two.Copy !req
172. Okay, Shane, stop wasting Anthony's time.Copy !req
173. We are not doing a bikini car wash!Copy !req
174. Well done, Anthony.Copy !req
175. Very nice.Copy !req
176. I know a couple guys
that would really appreciate your work.Copy !req
177. - Get the fuck outta here.
- Holy shit.Copy !req
178. Bros, from my mind to his fucking hands
onto this screen.Copy !req
179. Wait till you guys see this shit.
Show 'em.Copy !req
180. So if you want 'em
a little bit more busty...Copy !req
181. If I press this button...Copy !req
182. Yo.
- Oh my God! You're a magician.Copy !req
183. - That's unbelievable.
It's crazy.Copy !req
184. I could also make Will
a little bit more Jewish.Copy !req
185. - Keep going.Copy !req
186. This is great.Copy !req
187. If you want,
I can make the girls more Jewish.Copy !req
188. - No, no, no.
- Yeah, don't do that.Copy !req
189. This is the future, dudes.
This is AI.Copy !req
190. - This is AI?
- This is what they're talking about.Copy !req
191. What are they so upset about?Copy !req
192. - I don't know. It's making boobs.
- Huh!Copy !req
193. What's AI?Copy !req
194. Let me try that.
Give it a shot.Copy !req
195. Oh my God!Copy !req
196. - Oh!
- Go faster.Copy !req
197. I'm trying.Copy !req
198. Oh my Lord.
It's like they're on an airboat.Copy !req
199. - You're so good at this.
Thanks, bro.Copy !req
200. Thank you for calling Valley Forge
Automotive Center in Springfield, PA—Copy !req
201. Okay. Sh, sh! Lisa, it's Will.Copy !req
202. Hey, Will.Copy !req
203. Hey, are my dad and Dave there?Copy !req
204. Uh... yes.Copy !req
205. Okay. Well, can I talk to one of them?Copy !req
206. Unfortunately, they're in a meeting.Copy !req
207. With who?Copy !req
208. I'm not sure, actually.
A couple people. Lady and a guy.Copy !req
209. What are they wearing?Copy !req
210. Uh, suits.Copy !req
211. Business suits or casual?
Or, like, khaki pants?Copy !req
212. - I don't know.
- You don't know?Copy !req
213. Lisa, does the top match the bottom?Copy !req
214. Yeah. Yeah, they look put together.Copy !req
215. Top matches the bottom.
That's a full fucking suit.Copy !req
216. Is that okay?Copy !req
217. Can you have one of 'em call me
when they get out?Copy !req
218. Sure thing.Copy !req
219. Also, unrelated. Have you heard a rumor
that I like to drink chocolate milk?Copy !req
220. Uh...Copy !req
221. - Yes.
- What?Copy !req
222. I heard about the hospital visit.Copy !req
223. I think if the doctors tell you to stop,
you should. But that's just my opinion.Copy !req
224. Doctors?Copy !req
225. Lisa, what other rumors
have you heard about me?Copy !req
226. Um...Copy !req
227. It's okay. You can say it.Copy !req
228. I heard you were asked
to leave the Elmwood ZooCopy !req
229. because you were making
donkey noises at the staff.Copy !req
230. I don't know what to say to that!Copy !req
231. Monkey noises?Copy !req
232. Donkey noises.Copy !req
233. That's absurd, Lisa!Copy !req
234. I heard
you went to prom with a prostitute.Copy !req
235. You serious?
- You kept trying to kiss her.Copy !req
236. Shane said that he saw
you and your friend at a barCopy !req
237. sucking each other's nipples,Copy !req
238. but not at the same time.Copy !req
239. Shane said you were taking turns...
but you were definitely the greedy one.Copy !req
240. Fuck!Copy !req
241. Okay, Ant, if I give you
a picture of my ex-girlfriend,Copy !req
242. how quick could you turn this around—Copy !req
243. Excuse you, everyone!Copy !req
244. What's this? I hate it.
Shane, I just called all the stores.Copy !req
245. Everyone heard about the chocolate milk
as well as 15 other rumors.Copy !req
246. No wonder my dad hasn't called me back
if he thinks I'm at a restaurant just,Copy !req
247. you know, sucking my buddy's nipples.Copy !req
248. - What?
- That one got back?Copy !req
249. - Yes!
- I forgot about this one.Copy !req
250. I told Dale that Will and his friends
go to restaurantsCopy !req
251. and suck each other's nipples.Copy !req
252. Just guys going...Copy !req
253. All right, wops!Copy !req
254. - Hey!
- Oh! Relax!Copy !req
255. - Watch your mouth with that wops.
- Why are you calling the other stores?Copy !req
256. Is there a secret?Copy !req
257. There's a rumor going aroundCopy !req
258. that my dad is gonna sell
the least profitable store,Copy !req
259. which is either Belmont or... us.Copy !req
260. Oh shit, dude.Copy !req
261. Damn. Uh...Copy !req
262. What are you gonna do if you get fired?Copy !req
263. We have a friend that needs a waitress.Copy !req
264. Oh, Benny.Copy !req
265. - You could work for Benny as a waitress.
- There you go.Copy !req
266. - You'd be a fine little waitress.
- Okay.Copy !req
267. Waitresses are always in demand.Copy !req
268. - Everyone stop saying waitress!
Shane, you can come work for us.Copy !req
269. - That'd be fun.
- Huh?Copy !req
270. - Me working for a bunch of greasy wops?
Hey!Copy !req
271. - What the fuck is that about?
- No disrespect, fellas.Copy !req
272. - You're making it worse.
- Oh! No disrespect, fellas.Copy !req
273. - That was good.
- It's not bad, actually.Copy !req
274. That was pretty good.
- For real. Is it true?Copy !req
275. I don't know. Cal told me,
and he won't tell me who told him.Copy !req
276. Cal's not telling?
I'm gonna get that out of you.Copy !req
277. It was Kyle.Copy !req
278. Oh!Copy !req
279. It was fucking Kyle the Liar.Copy !req
280. Who the fuck is Kyle the Liar?Copy !req
281. He delivers parts to all the shops.Copy !req
282. Yeah, who lies about everything!Copy !req
283. He doesn't lie about everything.
He embellishes.Copy !req
284. I was on that show Double Dare
in fifth grade.Copy !req
285. Broke my femur in the mashed potatoes.Copy !req
286. Did I tell you I got wasted,
almost bowled a 300?Copy !req
287. Okay, Kyle.Copy !req
288. Your mom's cousin
took Big Bird's place on the Challenger?Copy !req
289. Yep. Sucks.
- What was his name?Copy !req
290. Gary.Copy !req
291. - Just Gary?
Cousin Gary, yeah.Copy !req
292. A kid I grew up with
got eaten whole by a bear.Copy !req
293. Oh, you know what?
I did... I actually have a...Copy !req
294. All right. Well, just... I'll wait.Copy !req
295. - It's gonna be a long call.
- That's all right.Copy !req
296. It's a private call.Copy !req
297. You know hard seltzers
don't show up on Breathalyzers?Copy !req
298. Thank you, Kyle. Thanks.Copy !req
299. Look it up. It's on YouTube, I think.Copy !req
300. - Totally true. Swear to God.
Yep.Copy !req
301. God dammit! It is bullshit!
Okay. Shane, come to my office.Copy !req
302. Let's try that again, huh?Copy !req
303. - Please.
- Fine.Copy !req
304. So these are our sales numbers?Copy !req
305. Yeah, this is everything
from the last two months.Copy !req
306. - It's just on the computers?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
307. All right, this is the email
I'm sending to the entire staff.Copy !req
308. "I do not drink chocolate milk all day."Copy !req
309. "I do not make donkey noises
at zoo staff."Copy !req
310. "I've never been part of a sex cult."Copy !req
311. "I don't suck on my friend's nipples.
I've never pulled a prank on a deaf girl."Copy !req
312. "I have all my toes."Copy !req
313. Am I missing any?Copy !req
314. You taught a parrot how to say the N-word.Copy !req
315. God dammit.Copy !req
316. "These are rumors about me
and should not be believed."Copy !req
317. "I'm emailing all of you in the hopes
that we can move forward professionally."Copy !req
318. "In the future, I hope that you would
learn to ignore the rumor mill,Copy !req
319. especially when those rumors
come from Shane."Copy !req
320. Don't include my name.Copy !req
321. - Sent.Copy !req
322. - Can you compare our sales to Belmont's?
- Yeah.Copy !req
323. Oh, we're killing them.Copy !req
324. Yeah, but they have lower overhead.Copy !req
325. We can see all the other stores?Copy !req
326. Yep. Everything is right here.Copy !req
327. - Can I try?
Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
328. Will, you got Dave on line two.Copy !req
329. Dave, sorry I called you a bunch of times.
I thought the store was closing.Copy !req
330. Will, yeah.Copy !req
331. First of all, the email you just sent
went out to all 7,000 customersCopy !req
332. on our email list.Copy !req
333. W... w... wait a second.Copy !req
334. - What?
- Look, I don't have time for that now. Um...Copy !req
335. I just want to let you knowCopy !req
336. we ended up taking a meeting
with Marilyn's Mufflers this morning.Copy !req
337. Is my dad selling my store?Copy !req
338. Just an informational meeting.Copy !req
339. No one's selling anything.
He's just doing his due diligence. Um...Copy !req
340. But if we were to sell,
it would be the entire chain.Copy !req
341. - Not just your store.
- It'd be the entire chain.Copy !req
342. SoCopy !req
343. it would be all of us.Copy !req
344. Look, don't worry about it, buddy.
It's all good.Copy !req
345. But, Dave, I have a great new idea
I wanna talk to you about.Copy !req
346. I know. I know it's probably a great idea,
but the important thing is not to panic.Copy !req
347. We will talk about it for sure.Copy !req
348. Don't be worried.
Do I seem worried to you?Copy !req
349. A little.Copy !req
350. I had never heard that rumor
about the parrot until right now.Copy !req
351. - He's never heard the N-word one.
- That was a new one.Copy !req
352. Shane...Copy !req
353. No! My goodness!Copy !req
354. Okay, if we have any chance
of generating salesCopy !req
355. from this cheap tire idea,
we need to do it right now.Copy !req
356. Dude, I know
you don't wanna hear this right now.Copy !req
357. Bikini car wash.Copy !req
358. It's gonna work, dude.Copy !req
359. We get a long line of cars.
Get some babes in here.Copy !req
360. Maybe get you dancing on their hood.
Then we bring 'em in.Copy !req
361. We say, "Hey, you need new tires."
They can upsell 'em from there.Copy !req
362. You can show 'em
that your fucking idea works.Copy !req
363. He's got a point.Copy !req
364. You'll definitely get a lot of cars.Copy !req
365. You have no idea
how furious my dad would be.Copy !req
366. Yeah, but who gives a shit, dude?
You just said they're selling everything.Copy !req
367. Might as well go down swinging,Copy !req
368. covered in suds, tits everywhere.Copy !req
369. Go like a man, dude.Copy !req
370. Let's do it.Copy !req
371. There it is. Say yes.Copy !req
372. Yes.Copy !req
373. Yes?
- Yes.Copy !req
374. Thank you, dude.Copy !req
375. - Tits.
- No, I'm not doing that.Copy !req
376. Tits...Copy !req
377. Tits, tits,Copy !req
378. tits, tits, tits,Copy !req
379. tits, tits, tits, tits...Copy !req
380. Tits, tits.Copy !req
381. Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
382. Bikini car wash. It's a go.Copy !req