Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories 1x7

1. HI, I'M ERIC WAREHEIM, BROTHER OF TIM HEIDECKER. ME AND MY BEST FRIEND,

2. BROTHER OF TIM HEIDECKER. ME AND MY BEST FRIEND, ERIC WAREHEIM, DEVELOPED THIS

3. ME AND MY BEST FRIEND, ERIC WAREHEIM, DEVELOPED THIS SUPER EASY SYSTEM FOR YOU TO

4. ERIC WAREHEIM, DEVELOPED THIS SUPER EASY SYSTEM FOR YOU TO RESET YOUR LIFE AND HAVE THE

5. SUPER EASY SYSTEM FOR YOU TO RESET YOUR LIFE AND HAVE THE CONFIDENCE THAT YOU DESERVE.

6. RESET YOUR LIFE AND HAVE THE CONFIDENCE THAT YOU DESERVE. I GUARANTEE YOU, IN

7. CONFIDENCE THAT YOU DESERVE. I GUARANTEE YOU, IN 2 SHORT WEEKS, I'LL TURN YOU

8. I GUARANTEE YOU, IN 2 SHORT WEEKS, I'LL TURN YOU FROM A LITTLE SHIT BOY TO A

9. 2 SHORT WEEKS, I'LL TURN YOU FROM A LITTLE SHIT BOY TO A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN.

10. FROM A LITTLE SHIT BOY TO A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN.

11. BE A BABY!

12. BE A BABY! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE

13. BE A BABY! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE GOO-GOO.

14. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE GOO-GOO. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE GA-GA.

15. GOO-GOO. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE GA-GA. I'M TALKING ABOUT DRINKING THE

16. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE GA-GA. I'M TALKING ABOUT DRINKING THE MILK.

17. I'M TALKING ABOUT DRINKING THE MILK.

18. MILK. THIS MILK AIN'T FROM

19. THIS MILK AIN'T FROM YOUR MAMA'S TITS.

20. THIS MILK AIN'T FROM YOUR MAMA'S TITS.

21. YOUR MAMA'S TITS.

22. IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW OUR

23. IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW OUR SYSTEM, YOU GET A BABY SPANK!

24. IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW OUR SYSTEM, YOU GET A BABY SPANK! [ SMACK! SMACK! ]

25. SYSTEM, YOU GET A BABY SPANK! [ SMACK! SMACK! ] IF THE "BE A BABY" SYSTEM

26. [ SMACK! SMACK! ] IF THE "BE A BABY" SYSTEM WORKS FOR ME, IT'LL WORK FOR

27. IF THE "BE A BABY" SYSTEM WORKS FOR ME, IT'LL WORK FOR YOU.

28. WORKS FOR ME, IT'LL WORK FOR YOU. [ DROOP! ]

29. YOU LIKE STAND UP COMEDY? IF YOU CALL RIGHT NOW,

30. COMEDY? IF YOU CALL RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA THROW IN A FREE

31. IF YOU CALL RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA THROW IN A FREE STAND UP COMEDY DVD FROM ONE OF

32. I'M GONNA THROW IN A FREE STAND UP COMEDY DVD FROM ONE OF THE FUNNIEST MEN IN AMERICA.

33. STAND UP COMEDY DVD FROM ONE OF THE FUNNIEST MEN IN AMERICA. YOU GIVE ME A TACO, I'M GONNA

34. THE FUNNIEST MEN IN AMERICA. YOU GIVE ME A TACO, I'M GONNA EAT IT.

35. YOU GIVE ME A TACO, I'M GONNA EAT IT.

36. EAT IT. YOU GIVE ME A 2x4, I'M GONNA

37. YOU GIVE ME A 2x4, I'M GONNA EAT IT!

38. YOU GIVE ME A 2x4, I'M GONNA EAT IT!

39. EAT IT! HEH HEH HEH.

40. HEH HEH HEH. I'M STARVING! CALL NOW, WE'LL GIVE

41. I'M STARVING! CALL NOW, WE'LL GIVE YOU A FREE DVD!

42. CALL NOW, WE'LL GIVE YOU A FREE DVD! CALL NOW OR JOIN US

43. YOU A FREE DVD! CALL NOW OR JOIN US ONLINE AT Be-A-Baby.biz.

44. CALL NOW OR JOIN US ONLINE AT Be-A-Baby.biz.

45. ONLINE AT Be-A-Baby.biz. ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE

46. ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE ONE PACK OF BIG-BOY DIAPERS.

47. ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE ONE PACK OF BIG-BOY DIAPERS.

48. ONE PACK OF BIG-BOY DIAPERS. Hello?

49. Hello? HELLO.

50. Hello? HELLO. UH, YES, I'M CALLING ABOUT THE

51. HELLO. UH, YES, I'M CALLING ABOUT THE "BE A BABY" DVD.

52. UH, YES, I'M CALLING ABOUT THE "BE A BABY" DVD. Hello? Who's this?

53. "BE A BABY" DVD. Hello? Who's this? UH, MY NAME'S — MY NAME IS

54. Hello? Who's this? UH, MY NAME'S — MY NAME IS JORDAN.

55. UH, MY NAME'S — MY NAME IS JORDAN. Uh...

56. JORDAN. Uh... IS THIS A WRONG NUMBER?

57. Uh... IS THIS A WRONG NUMBER? What?

58. IS THIS A WRONG NUMBER? What? Um...

59. What? Um... Tell you what.

60. Um... Tell you what. Um, what's your address over

61. Tell you what. Um, what's your address over there, pal?

62. Um, what's your address over there, pal? 1429 APPLE COURT.

63. there, pal? 1429 APPLE COURT. APARTMENT 2D.

64. 1429 APPLE COURT. APARTMENT 2D. Okay, I'm sending

65. APARTMENT 2D. Okay, I'm sending somebody over there now to give

66. Okay, I'm sending somebody over there now to give you a free evaluation, all

67. somebody over there now to give you a free evaluation, all right?

68. you a free evaluation, all right? OHHH.

69. right? OHHH. IT'S PRETTY LATE.

70. OHHH. IT'S PRETTY LATE. ARE YOU SURE THAT SOMEONE HAS TO

71. IT'S PRETTY LATE. ARE YOU SURE THAT SOMEONE HAS TO COME —

72. ARE YOU SURE THAT SOMEONE HAS TO COME — Hey, man, he just left.

73. COME — Hey, man, he just left. I'm not calling him back.

74. Hey, man, he just left. I'm not calling him back. HELLO?

75. I'm not calling him back. HELLO?

76. HELLO? HUH.

77. THIS IS HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS.

78. WORKS.

79. YOU JORDY?

80. YOU JORDY? YE— I'M JORDAN, YES.

81. YOU JORDY? YE— I'M JORDAN, YES. YOU WANT TO BE A BABY?

82. YE— I'M JORDAN, YES. YOU WANT TO BE A BABY? UH...

83. YOU WANT TO BE A BABY? UH... WELL... I GUESS.

84. UH... WELL... I GUESS. OKAY.

85. WELL... I GUESS. OKAY. LOOKS LIKE YOU ALREADY

86. OKAY. LOOKS LIKE YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BE A PIG.

87. LOOKS LIKE YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BE A PIG. OH, JUST TRYING TO CLEAN UP.

88. KNOW HOW TO BE A PIG. OH, JUST TRYING TO CLEAN UP. S-SORRY ABOUT THE MESS.

89. OH, JUST TRYING TO CLEAN UP. S-SORRY ABOUT THE MESS. WHY DON'T YOU STRIP

90. S-SORRY ABOUT THE MESS. WHY DON'T YOU STRIP DOWN AND PUT ON THESE BIG-BOY

91. WHY DON'T YOU STRIP DOWN AND PUT ON THESE BIG-BOY DIAPERS, OKAY?

92. DOWN AND PUT ON THESE BIG-BOY DIAPERS, OKAY? I'M GONNA GO HEAT UP YOUR

93. DIAPERS, OKAY? I'M GONNA GO HEAT UP YOUR BOTTLE.

94. I'M GONNA GO HEAT UP YOUR BOTTLE. UH... NOW?

95. BOTTLE. UH... NOW? YEAH.

96. UH... NOW? YEAH. RIGHT NOW, JORDY.

97. YEAH. RIGHT NOW, JORDY. WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT.

98. RIGHT NOW, JORDY. WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT.

99. WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT. OKAY.

100. DID I DO IT RIGHT? YEAH. IT'S FINE. GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES,

101. YEAH. IT'S FINE. GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES, CRAWL AROUND LIKE A BABY, DO THE

102. GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES, CRAWL AROUND LIKE A BABY, DO THE "GOO-GOO, GA-GA."

103. CRAWL AROUND LIKE A BABY, DO THE "GOO-GOO, GA-GA." OKAY.

104. "GOO-GOO, GA-GA." OKAY.

105. OKAY. UH... G-GOO-GOO GA-GA.

106. UH... G-GOO-GOO GA-GA. GOO-GOO GA-GA.

107. UH... G-GOO-GOO GA-GA. GOO-GOO GA-GA. WAH!

108. GOO-GOO GA-GA. WAH! HMM. SOME TURKEY.

109. WAH! HMM. SOME TURKEY. DO I JUST KEEP DOING IT?

110. HMM. SOME TURKEY. DO I JUST KEEP DOING IT? BABIES DON'T TALK, DO

111. DO I JUST KEEP DOING IT? BABIES DON'T TALK, DO THEY, JORDY?

112. BABIES DON'T TALK, DO THEY, JORDY? SORRY.

113. THEY, JORDY? SORRY. GOO-GOO GA-GA.

114. SORRY. GOO-GOO GA-GA. HEY. WHERE WE AT?

115. GOO-GOO GA-GA. HEY. WHERE WE AT? WE'RE LIKE 30%, MAN.

116. HEY. WHERE WE AT? WE'RE LIKE 30%, MAN. 30%? GEEZ.

117. WE'RE LIKE 30%, MAN. 30%? GEEZ. I'M TRYIN'.

118. 30%? GEEZ. I'M TRYIN'. HOW'S IT GOING, JORDY?

119. I'M TRYIN'. HOW'S IT GOING, JORDY? MY NAME IS TIM.

120. HOW'S IT GOING, JORDY? MY NAME IS TIM. WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE.

121. MY NAME IS TIM. WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE. UH, HI. MY NAME'S JORDAN.

122. WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE. UH, HI. MY NAME'S JORDAN. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT

123. UH, HI. MY NAME'S JORDAN. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

124. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. WE'RE GONNA INTRODUCE NAP TIME.

125. WE'RE GONNA DO. WE'RE GONNA INTRODUCE NAP TIME. ERIC?

126. WE'RE GONNA INTRODUCE NAP TIME. ERIC? WANT YOU TO PUT THESE, UH,

127. ERIC? WANT YOU TO PUT THESE, UH, HEADPHONES ON...

128. WANT YOU TO PUT THESE, UH, HEADPHONES ON... AND THIS BLINDFOLD ON.

129. HEADPHONES ON... AND THIS BLINDFOLD ON. I WAS — I WAS JUST HOPING TO

130. AND THIS BLINDFOLD ON. I WAS — I WAS JUST HOPING TO WATCH THE DVD AND DO THE

131. I WAS — I WAS JUST HOPING TO WATCH THE DVD AND DO THE TREATMENT A-AT HOME.

132. WATCH THE DVD AND DO THE TREATMENT A-AT HOME. I HAVE TO BE AT WORK IN A COUPLE

133. TREATMENT A-AT HOME. I HAVE TO BE AT WORK IN A COUPLE HOURS.

134. I HAVE TO BE AT WORK IN A COUPLE HOURS. BE A GOOD BOY, JORDY.

135. HOURS. BE A GOOD BOY, JORDY. DO WHAT HE SAYS.

136. BE A GOOD BOY, JORDY. DO WHAT HE SAYS. OKAY.

137. DO WHAT HE SAYS. OKAY. THAT'S MY LITTLE BABY.

138. OKAY. THAT'S MY LITTLE BABY. PUT YOUR THUMB IN YOUR MOUTH.

139. THAT'S MY LITTLE BABY. PUT YOUR THUMB IN YOUR MOUTH. GO AHEAD AND LIE DOWN.

140. PUT YOUR THUMB IN YOUR MOUTH. GO AHEAD AND LIE DOWN. THAT'S OUR BOY.

141. GO AHEAD AND LIE DOWN. THAT'S OUR BOY. JORDAN?

142. THAT'S OUR BOY. JORDAN? JORDAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

143. JORDAN? JORDAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME? ALL RIGHT, HE'S OUT.

144. JORDAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME? ALL RIGHT, HE'S OUT. WHAT'S THE FOOD SITUATION?

145. ALL RIGHT, HE'S OUT. WHAT'S THE FOOD SITUATION? IT'S NOT BAD.

146. WHAT'S THE FOOD SITUATION? IT'S NOT BAD. TAKE A LOOK?

147. ALL RIGHT, COME ON. WE GOT WORK TO DO.

148. FIT?

149. ALL RIGHT, SO YOU'RE AT, UH, WEST ADAMS, RIGHT? GREAT. OKAY.

150. UH, WEST ADAMS, RIGHT? GREAT. OKAY. UH, I CAN SEND SOMEONE OVER

151. GREAT. OKAY. UH, I CAN SEND SOMEONE OVER THERE IN ABOUT A HALF-HOUR.

152. UH, I CAN SEND SOMEONE OVER THERE IN ABOUT A HALF-HOUR. AND, UH, WHAT'S YOUR SOCIAL?

153. THERE IN ABOUT A HALF-HOUR. AND, UH, WHAT'S YOUR SOCIAL? OKAY...

154. AND, UH, WHAT'S YOUR SOCIAL? OKAY... EXCUSE ME.

155. OKAY... EXCUSE ME. UM...

156. EXCUSE ME. UM... LET ME CALL YOU BACK, ACTUALLY.

157. UM... LET ME CALL YOU BACK, ACTUALLY. JORDY. HOW ARE YA?

158. LET ME CALL YOU BACK, ACTUALLY. JORDY. HOW ARE YA? I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WHEN I

159. JORDY. HOW ARE YA? I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WHEN I WAS SLEEPING.

160. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WHEN I WAS SLEEPING. YOU TOOK MY STUFF.

161. WAS SLEEPING. YOU TOOK MY STUFF.

162. YOU TOOK MY STUFF. HEY. WE GOT A PROBLEM.

163. HEY. WE GOT A PROBLEM. Y-YOU ROBBED MY HOUSE.

164. HEY. WE GOT A PROBLEM. Y-YOU ROBBED MY HOUSE. YOU TOOK MY STUFF.

165. Y-YOU ROBBED MY HOUSE. YOU TOOK MY STUFF. I KNOW YOU DID.

166. YOU TOOK MY STUFF. I KNOW YOU DID. WHAT'S GOING ON?

167. I KNOW YOU DID. WHAT'S GOING ON? LOOK WHO JOINED US.

168. WHAT'S GOING ON? LOOK WHO JOINED US. JORDY!

169. LOOK WHO JOINED US. JORDY! NO, YOU TOOK MY STUFF, AND I

170. JORDY! NO, YOU TOOK MY STUFF, AND I WANT IT BACK.

171. NO, YOU TOOK MY STUFF, AND I WANT IT BACK. SHHHHH!

172. WANT IT BACK. SHHHHH! AAH!

173. SHHHHH! AAH! IT'S OKAY.

174. AAH! IT'S OKAY. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

175. IT'S OKAY. IT'S ALL RIGHT. CALM DOWN.

176. IT'S ALL RIGHT. CALM DOWN. WE GOT YOUR STUFF.

177. CALM DOWN. WE GOT YOUR STUFF. WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY

178. WE GOT YOUR STUFF. WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY STUFF?

179. WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY STUFF? I WANT IT BACK.

180. STUFF? I WANT IT BACK. JORDY.

181. I WANT IT BACK. JORDY. WE GOT YOUR STUFF RIGHT HERE.

182. JORDY. WE GOT YOUR STUFF RIGHT HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE IT?

183. WE GOT YOUR STUFF RIGHT HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE IT? COME ON.

184. THIS BETTER NOT BE A PRANK. IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE. GOT YOUR CDs, YOUR SPEAKERS —

185. IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE. GOT YOUR CDs, YOUR SPEAKERS — ALL SAFE AND SOUND.

186. GOT YOUR CDs, YOUR SPEAKERS — ALL SAFE AND SOUND. SEE?

187. ALL SAFE AND SOUND. SEE? WELL... I WANT IT BACK.

188. SEE? WELL... I WANT IT BACK. JORDAN, LET ME ASK YOU A

189. WELL... I WANT IT BACK. JORDAN, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

190. JORDAN, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. DOES A BABY KNOW HOW TO WORK A

191. QUESTION. DOES A BABY KNOW HOW TO WORK A DVD PLAYER OR A VIDEO-GAME

192. DOES A BABY KNOW HOW TO WORK A DVD PLAYER OR A VIDEO-GAME SYSTEM?

193. DVD PLAYER OR A VIDEO-GAME SYSTEM? CAN A BABY OPERATE A

194. SYSTEM? CAN A BABY OPERATE A VOLUME OR A HIGH-END EQ?

195. CAN A BABY OPERATE A VOLUME OR A HIGH-END EQ? I DON'T THINK SO.

196. VOLUME OR A HIGH-END EQ? I DON'T THINK SO. BUT YOU STOLE MY THINGS.

197. I DON'T THINK SO. BUT YOU STOLE MY THINGS. WE DIDN'T STEAL

198. BUT YOU STOLE MY THINGS. WE DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING, JORDAN.

199. WE DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING, JORDAN. ALL WE'RE DOING IS HOLDING ON TO

200. ANYTHING, JORDAN. ALL WE'RE DOING IS HOLDING ON TO IT, OKAY?

201. ALL WE'RE DOING IS HOLDING ON TO IT, OKAY? YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THAT

202. IT, OKAY? YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THAT MILK, AND I SLEPT FOR A LONG

203. YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THAT MILK, AND I SLEPT FOR A LONG TIME.

204. MILK, AND I SLEPT FOR A LONG TIME. JO-JO, IT'S A

205. TIME. JO-JO, IT'S A THREE-STEP PROCESS.

206. JO-JO, IT'S A THREE-STEP PROCESS. NUMBER 1 — YOU HAVE TO BE A

207. THREE-STEP PROCESS. NUMBER 1 — YOU HAVE TO BE A BABY, DO THE GOO-GOO GA-GA.

208. NUMBER 1 — YOU HAVE TO BE A BABY, DO THE GOO-GOO GA-GA. STEP 2 — WE TAKE AWAY ALL THE

209. BABY, DO THE GOO-GOO GA-GA. STEP 2 — WE TAKE AWAY ALL THE BIG-BOY TOYS.

210. STEP 2 — WE TAKE AWAY ALL THE BIG-BOY TOYS. STEP 3 — YOU GET YOUR COMEDY

211. BIG-BOY TOYS. STEP 3 — YOU GET YOUR COMEDY DVD.

212. STEP 3 — YOU GET YOUR COMEDY DVD. IT'S SO EASY.

213. DVD. IT'S SO EASY. SOMEBODY'S CRANKY.

214. IT'S SO EASY. SOMEBODY'S CRANKY. I THINK IT'S NAP TIME.

215. SOMEBODY'S CRANKY. I THINK IT'S NAP TIME. COME ON, JORDAN.

216. I THINK IT'S NAP TIME. COME ON, JORDAN. I GUESS SO.

217. COME ON, JORDAN. I GUESS SO. LET'S GET YOU BACK HOME

218. I GUESS SO. LET'S GET YOU BACK HOME FOR SOME NAPPIN'.

219. LET'S GET YOU BACK HOME FOR SOME NAPPIN'. COME ON.

220. FOR SOME NAPPIN'. COME ON. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

221. COME ON. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. I DO WANT THE COMEDY DVD,

222. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. I DO WANT THE COMEDY DVD, THOUGH.

223. I DO WANT THE COMEDY DVD, THOUGH. THAT WAS MY — THE MAIN REASON I

224. THOUGH. THAT WAS MY — THE MAIN REASON I CALLED.

225. THAT WAS MY — THE MAIN REASON I CALLED. GET BACK HOME, PUT YOUR

226. CALLED. GET BACK HOME, PUT YOUR DIAPERS ON, AND MAYBE MAKE A

227. GET BACK HOME, PUT YOUR DIAPERS ON, AND MAYBE MAKE A LITTLE PUP-PUP.

228. DIAPERS ON, AND MAYBE MAKE A LITTLE PUP-PUP. ALL RIGHT?

229. LITTLE PUP-PUP. ALL RIGHT? BUH-BYE!

230. ALL RIGHT? BUH-BYE! GEEZ, MAN.

231. BUH-BYE! GEEZ, MAN. HOW'D HE GET OUR ADDRESS?

232. IS THAT THE REST OF THE APPLE COURT STUFF? YEAH — EMPTY.

233. APPLE COURT STUFF? YEAH — EMPTY. CLEAN AS A WHISTLE.

234. YEAH — EMPTY. CLEAN AS A WHISTLE. ALL RIGHT, PULL IT IN

235. CLEAN AS A WHISTLE. ALL RIGHT, PULL IT IN AND UNLOAD IT.

236. ALL RIGHT, PULL IT IN AND UNLOAD IT. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

237. AND UNLOAD IT. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. ALL RIGHT.

238. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. ALL RIGHT. THANKS, JOEY.

239. ALL RIGHT. THANKS, JOEY. ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA BE

240. THANKS, JOEY. ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA BE SETTING THE DVD PLAYER WITH A

241. ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA BE SETTING THE DVD PLAYER WITH A RESERVE OF $75 AND A "BUY NOW"

242. SETTING THE DVD PLAYER WITH A RESERVE OF $75 AND A "BUY NOW" AT $100.

243. RESERVE OF $75 AND A "BUY NOW" AT $100. HOW'S THAT SOUND?

244. AT $100. HOW'S THAT SOUND? ERIC?

245. HOW'S THAT SOUND? ERIC? YEAH. THAT'S FINE.

246. ERIC? YEAH. THAT'S FINE. OKAY.

247. YEAH. THAT'S FINE. OKAY. YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT

248. OKAY. YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS?

249. YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

250. THIS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S A FAIR PRICE.

251. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S A FAIR PRICE. I COULD PROBABLY GO DOWN A

252. IT'S A FAIR PRICE. I COULD PROBABLY GO DOWN A LITTLE BIT.

253. I COULD PROBABLY GO DOWN A LITTLE BIT. YEAH, I KNOW.

254. LITTLE BIT. YEAH, I KNOW. I'M TALKING ABOUT JORDY IN

255. YEAH, I KNOW. I'M TALKING ABOUT JORDY IN PARTICULAR.

256. I'M TALKING ABOUT JORDY IN PARTICULAR. ERIC, COME ON.

257. PARTICULAR. ERIC, COME ON. THIS IS THE SCAM.

258. ERIC, COME ON. THIS IS THE SCAM. I MEAN, IT'S NOT — IT'S NOT

259. THIS IS THE SCAM. I MEAN, IT'S NOT — IT'S NOT PRETTY, BUT WE GOT TO SEE IT

260. I MEAN, IT'S NOT — IT'S NOT PRETTY, BUT WE GOT TO SEE IT THROUGH.

261. PRETTY, BUT WE GOT TO SEE IT THROUGH. YEAH, I KNOW ALL THAT,

262. THROUGH. YEAH, I KNOW ALL THAT, BUT LAST NIGHT, I WAS THROWING

263. YEAH, I KNOW ALL THAT, BUT LAST NIGHT, I WAS THROWING UP BLOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

264. BUT LAST NIGHT, I WAS THROWING UP BLOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. THAT'S GUILT FOR YA.

265. UP BLOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. THAT'S GUILT FOR YA. I LOVE YOU.

266. THAT'S GUILT FOR YA. I LOVE YOU. YOU KNOW THAT.

267. I LOVE YOU. YOU KNOW THAT. I LOVE BEING BROTHERS WITH YOU.

268. YOU KNOW THAT. I LOVE BEING BROTHERS WITH YOU. BUT...

269. I LOVE BEING BROTHERS WITH YOU. BUT... TELL YOU WHAT.

270. BUT... TELL YOU WHAT. I GOT AN IDEA THAT MIGHT MAKE

271. TELL YOU WHAT. I GOT AN IDEA THAT MIGHT MAKE THIS RIGHT.

272. I GOT AN IDEA THAT MIGHT MAKE THIS RIGHT.

273. THIS RIGHT.

274. HI. UH, I WOULD LIKE A TABLE FOR ONE, PLEASE.

275. UH, I WOULD LIKE A TABLE FOR ONE, PLEASE. MM-HMM.

276. ONE, PLEASE. MM-HMM. AND I HAVE A GIFT

277. MM-HMM. AND I HAVE A GIFT CERTIFICATE.

278. AND I HAVE A GIFT CERTIFICATE. MM...

279. CERTIFICATE. MM... WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?

280. MM... WHERE'D YOU GET THIS? THIS IS NOT FROM US.

281. WHERE'D YOU GET THIS? THIS IS NOT FROM US. UM... S-SORRY.

282. THIS IS NOT FROM US. UM... S-SORRY. IT SAYS — IT SAYS "GIFT

283. UM... S-SORRY. IT SAYS — IT SAYS "GIFT CERTIFICATE SIGNED," SO...

284. IT SAYS — IT SAYS "GIFT CERTIFICATE SIGNED," SO... NO.

285. CERTIFICATE SIGNED," SO... NO. WE DON'T DO GIFT CERTIFICATES.

286. NO. WE DON'T DO GIFT CERTIFICATES.

287. WE DON'T DO GIFT CERTIFICATES. SHOOT!

288. SHOOT! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

289. SHOOT! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. DAMN IT!

290. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. DAMN IT! WHAT?

291. DAMN IT! WHAT?

292. WHAT? JUST, THE TWO BUTTHOLES THAT

293. JUST, THE TWO BUTTHOLES THAT GAVE THIS TO ME HAVE BEEN

294. JUST, THE TWO BUTTHOLES THAT GAVE THIS TO ME HAVE BEEN MESSING WITH ME FOR DAYS.

295. GAVE THIS TO ME HAVE BEEN MESSING WITH ME FOR DAYS. THEY TOOK ALL MY STUFF AND THEY

296. MESSING WITH ME FOR DAYS. THEY TOOK ALL MY STUFF AND THEY MADE ME ACT LIKE A BABY, AND NOW

297. THEY TOOK ALL MY STUFF AND THEY MADE ME ACT LIKE A BABY, AND NOW THIS.

298. MADE ME ACT LIKE A BABY, AND NOW THIS. AW, NO. TAKE IT EASY.

299. THIS. AW, NO. TAKE IT EASY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

300. AW, NO. TAKE IT EASY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? I'M JORDAN.

301. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? I'M JORDAN. I'M GABRIELLE.

302. I'M JORDAN. I'M GABRIELLE. WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN, HAVE A

303. I'M GABRIELLE. WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN, HAVE A BOWL OF CHICKEN SOUP ON ME?

304. WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN, HAVE A BOWL OF CHICKEN SOUP ON ME?

305. BOWL OF CHICKEN SOUP ON ME? REALLY?

306. REALLY? FREE SOUP?

307. REALLY? FREE SOUP? [ SLURPS, GRUNTS ]

308. GOOD SOUP? OH! IT...

309. OH! IT... IT'S DELICIOUS.

310. IT'S DELICIOUS. OH. I JUST BURNT MY TONGUE.

311. IT'S DELICIOUS. OH. I JUST BURNT MY TONGUE. OHH.

312. OH. I JUST BURNT MY TONGUE. OHH. THANKS, GABRIELLE.

313. OHH. THANKS, GABRIELLE. SURE. YEAH.

314. THANKS, GABRIELLE. SURE. YEAH. YOU MIND?

315. SURE. YEAH. YOU MIND? OKAY.

316. YOU MIND? OKAY. OH, THANKS.

317. OKAY. OH, THANKS.

318. OH, THANKS. JUST WANT TO SIT.

319. JUST WANT TO SIT. IT LOOKS GOOD.

320. IT LOOKS GOOD. HEY, CAN I ASK YOU A... QUESTION?

321. IT LOOKS GOOD. HEY, CAN I ASK YOU A... QUESTION? DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST

322. HEY, CAN I ASK YOU A... QUESTION? DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?

323. I GUESS SO. REALLY?

324. REALLY? YEAH.

325. YEAH. DO YOU LOVE ME?

326. ARE YOU SERIOUS? YEAH.

327. YES. YES, I DO. OH, AND I LOVE YOU.

328. YES, I DO. OH, AND I LOVE YOU.

329. OH, AND I LOVE YOU. I JUST SAID IT. I —

330. I JUST SAID IT. I —

331. I JUST SAID IT. I — WOW.

332. WOW. I SAID IT.

333. WOW. I SAID IT. OHHH.

334. I SAID IT. OHHH. WOW.

335. OHHH. WOW. IT WAS PRETTY COOL.

336. WOW. IT WAS PRETTY COOL. YEAH.

337. IT WAS PRETTY COOL. YEAH.

338. YEAH. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

339. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. OHHHH.

340. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. OHHHH. YOU REALLY LOVE ME?

341. OHHHH. YOU REALLY LOVE ME? HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID?

342. YOU REALLY LOVE ME? HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID?

343. HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID? I JUST MET YOU!

344. FIGURES.

345. I'M SORRY.

346. I'M SORRY. I JUST LIKE TO KID.

347. I JUST LIKE TO KID. I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS.

348. I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS. WHY DOES EVERYONE PLAY PRANKS ON

349. I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS. WHY DOES EVERYONE PLAY PRANKS ON ME?

350. WHY DOES EVERYONE PLAY PRANKS ON ME? EVER SINCE I WAS A KID...

351. ME? EVER SINCE I WAS A KID... MY MOM, EVEN, USED TO PUT MY

352. EVER SINCE I WAS A KID... MY MOM, EVEN, USED TO PUT MY SOCKS IN THE FREEZER, AND IN THE

353. MY MOM, EVEN, USED TO PUT MY SOCKS IN THE FREEZER, AND IN THE MORNING, I'D HAVE COLD SOCKS.

354. SOCKS IN THE FREEZER, AND IN THE MORNING, I'D HAVE COLD SOCKS. MY DAD WOULD LEAVE ME AT THE

355. MORNING, I'D HAVE COLD SOCKS. MY DAD WOULD LEAVE ME AT THE REST STOP ON PURPOSE.

356. MY DAD WOULD LEAVE ME AT THE REST STOP ON PURPOSE. AND THEN THEY'D PUT PEAS IN MY

357. REST STOP ON PURPOSE. AND THEN THEY'D PUT PEAS IN MY LOCKER IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND THEN

358. AND THEN THEY'D PUT PEAS IN MY LOCKER IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND THEN THE — FOR 8th-GRADE GRADUATION,

359. LOCKER IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND THEN THE — FOR 8th-GRADE GRADUATION, THEY GAVE ME A FAKE DIPLOMA...

360. THE — FOR 8th-GRADE GRADUATION, THEY GAVE ME A FAKE DIPLOMA... OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

361. THEY GAVE ME A FAKE DIPLOMA... OKAY. ALL RIGHT. I DON'T — I DON'T LIKE

362. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. I DON'T — I DON'T LIKE HOW THIS FEELS, GABRIELLE.

363. I DON'T — I DON'T LIKE HOW THIS FEELS, GABRIELLE. OKAY.

364. HOW THIS FEELS, GABRIELLE. OKAY.

365. OKAY. AND I JUST WISH THAT

366. AND I JUST WISH THAT PEOPLE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME

367. AND I JUST WISH THAT PEOPLE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

368. PEOPLE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

369. ALONE. JUST — I —

370. JUST — I — JORDAN.

371. JUST — I — JORDAN. I — I-I-I —

372. JORDAN. I — I-I-I —

373. I — I-I-I — WHAT'S THE MATTER? SUGAR.

374. WHAT'S THE MATTER? SUGAR. NO, I-I-I DON'T...

375. WHAT'S THE MATTER? SUGAR. NO, I-I-I DON'T...

376. NO, I-I-I DON'T... ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH THOSE

377. ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH THOSE BABY GUYS?

378. ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH THOSE BABY GUYS? I —

379. BABY GUYS? I —

380. I — JORDY.

381. JORDY. JORDY.

382. JORDY. JORDY. [ DISTORTED TICKING, GRINDING ]

383. OOPS.