1. >>
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2. >> Eric: "DEAR ERIC — YOU ARE
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3. TOTALLY HANDSOME.
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4. LIKE WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY MORE
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5. THAN TIM HEIDECKER.
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6. BAZAANS.
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7. LOVE, KELLY."
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8. >> Tim: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
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9. THERE?
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10. WHAT'S THIS?
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11. >> Eric: OH, I'M JUST CHECKING
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12. OUT SOME OF MY FAN MAIL.
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13. IT KIND OF CONFIRMS THAT I'M THE
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14. "TIM AND ERIC" THING.
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15. >> Tim: UH, WELL, ACCORDING TO
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16. WHAT I KNOW ABOUT OUR FANS,
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17. I'D — I'D GATHER TO SAY I'M THE
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18. OF WHO'S HANDSOME.
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19. >> Eric: I'M THE MOST HANDSOME!
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20. >> Tim: BELIEVE ME — I WANT THE
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21. BEST THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU,
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22. BUT I'M THE MOST HANDSOME MAN.
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23. >> Eric: "DEAR ERIC, COME LOOK
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24. AT MY VAG-JOH.
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25. YOU'RE HANDSOME."
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26. I'M A HANDSOME.
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27. >> Tim: I HAVE 10 TIMES THOSE
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28. I'M HANDSOME, BUT WHAT I DO IS I
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29. RECORD OF MY ACCOUNTS.
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30. >> Eric: TIM, THERE'S A WHOLE
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31. BAG OF THIS TO PROVE IT.
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32. >> Tim: WELL, LOOK ON MY LAPTOP!
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33. >> Eric: ALL THIS HANDSOME.
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34. >> Tim: THAT'S A WASTE.
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35. ALL RIGHT.
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36. YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?
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37. WHY DON'T WE JUST GET A
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38. CONTEST AND SEE WHO'S THE MOST
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39. HANDSOME?
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40. ON YOU.
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41. >> Eric: GOOD LUCK, TIM.
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42. >> Announcer: COMING SOON,
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43. "WHO'S NUMBER ONE HANDSOME MAN?"
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44. WITH GUEST JUDGE RICHARD DUNN.
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45. >> ♪ I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,
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46. >> Both: ♪ IT'S A PERFECT DAD
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47. >> Tim: YOU GOT A BUNCH OF
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48. IN YOUR TEETH.
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49. >> Eric: WHERE?
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50. >> Tim: ALL OVER. IN EVERY ONE.
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51. YOU GOT BROCCOLI IN THERE.
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52. >> WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
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53. TODAY WE'RE GONNA DETERMINE WHO
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54. IS THE MOST HANDSOME BOY.
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55. DIM HEIDECKER AND ERIC WOREHAM.
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56. GO FIRST?
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57. >> Tim: GOOD AFTERNOON.
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58. >> Eric: THANKS SO MUCH, RICH.
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59. >> Tim: I'M FIRST.
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60. WE AGREED I'M FIRST.
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61. >> Both: THANK YOU.
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62. >> Tim: I'LL START.
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63. >> Eric: I'M ERIC WARE—
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64. >> Tim: AH, OKAY.
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65. >> Eric: HI.
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66. MY NAME IS ERIC WAREHEIM.
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67. I'M THE MOST HANDSOMEST MAN.
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68. UH, MY PARENTS SAID I'M THE MOST
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69. HANDSOME, AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR
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70. MY VIDEO TO PROVE I'M
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71. NUMBER-ONE HANDSY-BOY.
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72. ]
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73. OHHH, YEAH!
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74. OH, YEAH!
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75. >> OH, YEAH!
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76. >> Eric: OH, YEAH!
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77. >> OH, YEAH!
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78. >> Eric: OH, YEAH!
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79. OH, YEAH!
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80. OH, YEAH!
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81. OH, YEAH!
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82. WELL, THERE YOU
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83. HAVE IT.
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84. THAT'S MY ENTRY FOR
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85. "NUMBER ONE HANDSOME BOY."
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86. THANKS FOR RUNNING IN THE RACE.
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87. >> Announcer: "NUMBER ONE
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88. HANDSOME MAN" WILL BE RIGHT
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89. BACK!
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90. >> HONEY?
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91. >> HMM?
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92. >> COME ON, HONEY. WAKE UP.
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93. >> NO. I'M SO TIRED.
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94. >> IT'S OUR ENGAGEMENT PARTY.
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95. HERE.
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96. >> I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO
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97. ANYBODY.
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98. I WANT TO SLEEP.
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99. >> FINE.
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100. PARTY SNOOZER, THEN.
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101. >> CINCO FACE TIME PARTY
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102. SNOOZER.
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103. >> Announcer: IT'S THE CINCO
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104. FACE TIME PARTY SNOOZER!
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105. NOTICING.
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106. >> MY ACCOUNTANT TELLS ME THAT I
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107. 436 REBATE NOW...
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108. SURE, WHY NOT.
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109. >> ... AND AS A SMALL-BUSINESS
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110. OWNER, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU
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111. WANT TO HEAR...
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112. I UNDERSTAND.
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113. >> ... REBATES...
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114. OKAY. THANKS FOR COMING.
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115. >> Announcer: THE CINCO FACE
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116. MY PROFESSIONAL VOICE!
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117. WON'T NEED TO HEAR A SINGLE WORD
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118. ANYONE IS SAYING.
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119. >> I WAKE UP AT
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120. 7:30...
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121. >> Announcer: TAKE PART IN
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122. YOU GET MUCH-NEEDED REST.
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123. >> WE'D BE ON THIS RIVER...
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124. OKAY.
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125. >> ... WIND AROUND LIKE THIS.
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126. SURE, WHY NOT?
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127. >> WE HAD OUR...
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128. I UNDERSTAND.
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129. >> ... PULL IN THE FISH...
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130. I UNDERSTAND.
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131. >> ... FLAPPING AROUND...
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132. SOUNDS GOOD. OKAY. OKAY.
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133. >> BUT...
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134. THANKS FOR COMING.
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135. >> WE CAUGHT, MAYBE, I DON'T
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136. KNOW, A DOZEN OR SO.
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137. I UNDERSTAND.
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138. >> ... BLUE RIVER...
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139. OKAY.
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140. >> REALLY GORGEOUS.
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141. SURE, WHY NOT?
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142. >> Announcer: IT'S THE CINCO
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143. FACE TIME PARTY SNOOZER!
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144. I UNDERSTAND.
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145. >> Tim: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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146. MY NAME IS TIM HEIDECKER, AND I
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147. AM MOST HANDSOME.
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148. AND TO PROVE MY POINT, I HAVE
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149. PRODUCED A VIDEO.
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150. AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.
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151. PRESS "PLAY."
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152. >> Tim: I'M TIM HEIDECKER.
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153. UM, I'M AN AQUARIUS.
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154. >> Tim: I LOVE MY EYES AND MY
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155. LEGS PROBABLY THE MOST.
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156. WHEN I SHOWER, I ALWAYS CATCH
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157. MIRROR.
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158. AND IT TURNS ME ON.
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159. I DON'T KNOW WHAT
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160. YOU WANT ME TO SAY.
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161. ON THIS.
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162. THANKS, MIKE.
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163. >> Eric: IT'S NOT BAD.
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164. >> Tim: MY IDEAL DATE WOULD
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165. BE — UM, UH, IT WOULD BE MY
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166. BIRTHDAY AND MY DATE'S BIRTHDAY,
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167. DINING EXPERIENCE, AND, UH, WE
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168. LOVE.
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169. >> Tim:
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170. >> Tim: THE BLOOD THAT RUNS
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171. WET AND RED, AND IT WOULD SPILL
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172. ALL OVER YOU.
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173. >> Eric: SO, YOU CAN STOP.
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174. YOU CAN STOP.
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175. THEY'RE NOT — THEY DON'T —
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176. NOT INTERESTED.
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177. >> Eric: I JUST WANTED TO SET
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178. THE RECORD STRAIGHT.
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179. I HAD NO HELP FROM MIKE ZANETTI.
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180. BILB ONO.
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181. >>
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182. BOH BOH, WHO DO YOU FIND THE
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183. MOST HANDSOME?
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184. >> I FIND ERIC MOST HANDSOME.
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185. >> Eric: THANK YOU.
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186. >> AND, BOHDAR, WHO DO YOU FIND
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187. THE MOST HANDSOME?
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188. >> I FIND TIM THE MOST HANDSOME.
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189. >> Tim: YEAH! THAT'S MY GIRL.
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190. >> Announcer: WHO WILL WIN
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191. "NUMBER ONE HANDSOME MAN?"
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192. COMING UP NEXT.
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193. >> ♪ I CLEAN OUT THE GUTTERS
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194. >> Announcer: GREAT JOB.
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195. "NUMBER ONE HANDSOME MAN"
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196. CONTEST.
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197. >> WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M THE
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198. TIEBREAKER.
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199. AND WHAT I COULD DO, I WANT TO
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200. FRENCH KISS EACH ONE OF YOU.
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201. YOU, I WOULD KNOW WHO IS THE
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202. MOST HANDSOME.
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203. >> Announcer: OOH!
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204. TIEBREAKER FRENCH KISS!
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205. >> Tim: I'M SORRY.
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206. YOU WANT US TO KISS YOU?
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207. ON THE MOUTH? FRENCH S-STYLE?
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208. >> OH, YES.
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209. JUST BOTH KISS WITH YOUR TONGUE.
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210. >> Eric: YOU WANT MY SPIT THAT'S
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211. THE "SHAWARMA" AND EVERYTHING?
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212. >> YES!
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213. >> Tim: YOU WANT MY PINK TONGUE
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214. MOUTH?
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215. >> COME AND FRENCH ME, BOYS.
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216. COME AND FRENCH ME,
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217. BOYS.
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218. COME AND FRENCH ME, BOYS.
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219. COME AND FRENCH ME, BOYS.
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220. >>
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