1. >> Announcer: IT'S
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2. "BRULE'S RULES" WITH CHANNEL 5's
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3. DR. STEVE BRULE.
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4. >> Dr. HI.
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5. I'M DR. STEVE BRULE WITH SOME
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6. BAD NEWS.
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7. MY AUNT JOANNE JUST DIED.
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8. >> Tim: WELCOME TO THE "TIM AND
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9. ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
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10. >> Eric: GUESS WHAT.
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11. IT'S TIM'S LAST DAY.
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12. >> Tim: GONNA ASK ME ABOUT WHAT
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13. I MIGHT GONNA BE UP TO, OR...
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14. >> Eric: TIM, WHY THE HECK YOU
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15. LEAVING THE SHOW?
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16. >> Tim: I, ACTUALLY, ERIC...
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17. AM WORKING ON PUBLISHING MY
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18. FIRST BOOK.
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19. I AM A BOOKMAN.
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20. AND IT'S CALLED "CHOICES."
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21. IT'S BECOME A HUGE BEST SELLER,
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22. SO I'M LEAVING MY DAY JOB AND
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23. GOING OUT AND PURSUING MY REAL
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24. DREAM OF BECOMING A PUBLISHED
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25. AUTHOR.
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26. SO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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27. THIS HAS BEEN A REAL TREAT
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28. WORKING HERE WITH YOU.
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29. >> Eric: WELL, TIM, ON BEHALF OF
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30. EVERYONE ON THE STAFF OF THE
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31. "AWESOME SHOW" AND RICHARD DUNN,
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32. I WANT TO CONGRATULATE ON YOUR
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33. NEW BOOK —
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34. WHAT IS THIS?
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35. >> Tim: WELL, THIS IS "CHOICES."
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36. >> Eric: WHY DOES IT HAVE MY
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37. FACE ON IT?
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38. >> Tim: DON'T...
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39. I WAS GONNA E-MAIL YOU ABOUT
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40. THIS.
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41. IT'S...
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42. >> Eric: "THE PROBLEM WITH
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43. ERIC WAREHEIM"?
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44. >> Tim: WELL, IT'S AN
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45. AUTOGRAPHICAL BOOK ABOUT OUR
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46. FRIENDSHIP AND PRETTY MUCH THE
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47. WORKING RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE.
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48. >> Eric: LOOKS LIKE IT'S A
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49. BOOK TO ME.
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50. >> Tim:
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51. >> Eric: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR
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52. NEW LIFE.
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53. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
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54. >> Tim: THANK — THANK YOU VERY
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55. MUCH.
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56. >> Eric: THIS AREA'S CLOSED NOW.
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57. >> I HAD THE HONOR AND PRIVILEGE
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58. OF WORKING WITH A LOT OF REALLY
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59. OUTSTANDING ACTORS.
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60. >> YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE
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61. BUSINESS 35 YEARS.
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62. >> HAVE YOU DONE MOTION CAPTURE?
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63. >> ABSOLUTELY.
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64. WORKED ON THIS FEATURE IN, LIKE,
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65. JANUARY — DECEMBER, JANUARY —
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66. THAT WAS JUST AWFUL.
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67. >>
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68. >> AND I'M LIKE, "EXCUSE ME.
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69. I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM."
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70. >> SO, DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK
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71. YOU'RE GONNA GET A GOOD
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72. PERFORMANCE OUT OF YOUR CREW
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73. THEM?
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74. >> NO.
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75. >>
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76. I GOT THAT ONE FROM MY DAD.
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77. DID YOU EVER WORK ON
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78. "JOURNEYMAN"?
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79. >> YEAH, I WORKED A SHOW THAT
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80. WAS WORKING ACROSS THE STAGE —
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81. THE STAGE ACROSS THE STREET.
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82. >> WHICH ONE?
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83. >> IT WAS "DRAGNET," 1989.
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84. >> MM-HMM.
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85. I WAS ON THE CREW THAT HUNG YOUR
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86. SCAFFOLDING.
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87. >> BUT I WORKED THE OUT
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88. OF THAT SHOW.
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89. I WORKED THAT WHOLE PERIOD AT
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90. THAT LOT.
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91. I WORKED ON "EMERGENCY."
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92. >> I STARTED WITH
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93. "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA."
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94. >> I WORKED ON THAT.
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95. I WORKED ON "QUINCY."
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96. >> ..."LAVERNE & SHIRLEY,"
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97. "MORK & MINDY."
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98. >> ..."NANCY DREW."
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99. >> MY FACE SHOULD LOOK A LITTLE
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100. BIT FAMILIAR TO YOU, 'CAUSE I
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101. WAS... ON THAT SHOW FOR A LONG
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102. TIME.
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103. >> SORRY, BARRY.
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104. >> THANKS FOR BEING WITH US.
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105. AND THANKS FOR WATCHING
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106. "ALL DOLLED UP."
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107. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
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108. >> SO, DAVE, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
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109. LIFE?
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110. >> THANK YOU FOR ASKING,
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111. LAMBADOG.
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112. I MET A NICE LADY, AND IT'S
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113. TAKEN CARE OF.
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114. AND I MADE A SONG ABOUT HER.
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115. AND LET'S START WITH THE MUSIC.
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116. >> ♪ I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE
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117. >> IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH AN
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118. INSECT WOMAN ALL MORNING, WHAT
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119. DO YOU DO WITH THE REST OF THE
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120. DAY?
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121. >> I GIVE BIRTH TO THOUSANDS OF
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122. SPIDER BABIES THAT LEAVE WEBS
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123. ALL OVER MY BED.
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124. >> SHE'S AN INSECT!
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125. >> Tim: FOR ME, IT'S LIKE, "WHAT
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126. AM I GONNA DO WITH THE CASH
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127. RIGHT AWAY?"
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128. AND I GREW UP READING PEOPLE
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129. LIKE JOHN STEINBECK AND
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130. STEVE KING AND EVERYBODY LIKE
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131. THAT, SO FOR ME TO BE A
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132. PUBLISHED AUTHOR IS SORT OF A
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133. DREAM COME TRUE, AND...
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134. >> ♪ FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
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135. >> Tim: WELL, GUYS, THANK YOU
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136. VERY MUCH FOR COMING.
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137. THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT
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138. YOU'RE HERE FOR THIS, AND I PRAY
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139. THAT WE KEEP IN TOUCH, AND YOU
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140. KNOW MY CELL, SO MAKE SURE YOU
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141. PASS IT AROUND.
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142. THIS IS FOR YOU.
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143. I REALLY APPRECIATE —
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144. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?
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145. >> Eric: IT'S FOR THIS BOOK,
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146. MAN.
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147. IT'S A BUNCH OF LIES.
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148. "ERIC DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS.
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149. IT'S JUST SOME SCAR TISSUE FROM
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150. A LARGE VAGINA THAT WAS SEWED
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151. SHUT."
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152. TRUE.
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153. THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
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154. >> Eric: DUDE, HERE — "EVEN IF
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155. ERIC DID HAVE A PENIS, IT WOULD
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156. BE A TINY, BLACK PENIS."
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157. MY MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA READ
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158. THIS, MAN.
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159. THIS IS ALL LIES.
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160. >> Tim: WELL, LISTEN, I GOT TO
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161. DO SOMETHING, ERIC.
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162. IT'S A BEAR MARKET OUT THERE
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163. WITH BOOKS.
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164. I GOT TO PUT IN SOME KIND OF
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165. TRASH.
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166. YOU WANT TO GO?
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167. [ SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
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168. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
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169. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
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170. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! ]
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171. >> Eric: AAH!
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172. >> Tim: OOH!
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173. UNH!
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174. UNH!
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175. HA!
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176. >> Eric: UNH!
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177. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
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178. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR BOOK
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179. CAR-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-EER.
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180. >> Tim:
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181. GUYS, I-I'M SORRY.
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182. I GOT TO GO GET MY FRIEND BACK.
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183. ERI-I-I-I-C!
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184. EHHHHHHH... EH.
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185. WHAT?
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186. EHHHH...
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187. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE MONEY'S
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188. ALL GONE?
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189. >> I'M SORRY, JIM.
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190. YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THE HOUSE.
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191. >> NO, WE CAN'T LOSE THE HOUSE.
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192. >> THERE'S REALLY NOTHING I CAN
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193. DO AT THIS POINT, JIM.
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194. >> WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY?
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195. >> HAVE YOU CONSIDERED GETTING A
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196. JOB?
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197. >> NO!
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198. NO, THAT'S NOT AN OPTION!
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199. SON OF A BITCH!
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200. >> DINNER'S READY, HON!
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201. >>
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202. >>
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203. WHAT IS THAT?
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204. LAMB?
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205. YOU'RE MAKING LAMB WITH OUR
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206. MONEY PROBLEMS?
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207. FOR GOD'S SAKE, JENNIFER, WHAT
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208. WERE YOU THINKING?
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209. I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU, AND
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210. THEN I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!
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211. >> RELAX, HON.
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212. IT'S NOT LAMB.
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213. IT'S H'AMB FROM CINCO FARMS.
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214. CINCO FARMERS HAVE TAKEN THE
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215. ESSENCE OF REAL LAMBS AND
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216. HAM-RELATED PRODUCTS AND KNEADED
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217. IT INTO A FRESH H'AMB LOAF.
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218. H'AMB ALSO COMES WITH THE
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219. ESSENCE OF LAMB AEROSOL SPRAY,
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220. FILLING THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH THE
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221. WONDERFUL SMELL OF LAMB.
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222. >> I SMELL LIKE LAMB.
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223. >> H'AMB.
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224. >> H'AMB.
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225. >> H'AMB.
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226. >> All: H'AMB,
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227. H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB...
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228. >> SO GOOD WITH RADISHES.
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229. >> All: H'AMB,
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230. H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB,
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231. H'AMB.
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232. >> IT'S REALLY GOOD.
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233. >> IF YOU LOVE LAMB, YOU'LL LOVE
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234. H'AMB.
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235. >> THANKS... CINCO.
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236. >> AND FOR THE SEAFOOD LOVERS,
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237. NOW THERE'S HAM'BSTER.
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238. >> WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MOVE TO A
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239. BIG PLANET TO HAVE ALL THESE
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240. LITTLE INSECT BABIES.
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241. EXCUSE ME.
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242. OH, MY GOODNESS. EXCUSE ME.
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243. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
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244. >> Tim: EHHH!
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245. THERE YOU ARE.
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246. GEEZ.
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247. I-I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS BOOK.
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248. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN
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249. IT.
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250. I'M S—
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251. >> Eric: I MEAN, IT JUST HURTS.
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252. >> Tim: I TELL YOU WHAT I'M
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253. GONNA DO.
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254. GIVE ME THAT.
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255. I'M GONNA TEAR OUT EVERY PAGE OF
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256. THIS BOOK THAT'S NOT TRUE.
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257. >> Eric: YEAH?
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258. >> Tim: RIP!
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259. >> Both: RIP!
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260. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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261. >> Tim:
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262. >> Both: RIP! RIP!
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263. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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264. RIP! RIP!
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265. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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266. RIP! RIP!
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267. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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268. >> All: RIP! RIP!
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269. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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270. >> Tim: EVERYBODY!
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271. >> All: RIP! RIP!
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272. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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273. RIP! RIP!
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274. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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275. RIP! RIP!
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276. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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277. >> Tim: HEY, ONE MORE PAGE.
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278. YEAH!
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279. >> Eric: THEY'RE ALL GONE.
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280. YOU HAVE NO BOOK NO MORE.
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281. >> Tim: WELL, I DON'T NEED NO
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282. BOOK NO MORE, ERIC.
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283. I JUST WANT MY FRIENDSHIP BACK
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284. WITH YOU.
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285. CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
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286. >> Eric: COME HERE.
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287. >> Tim: WHAT'S UP?
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288. >> Eric: I don't forgive you.
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289. >> Tim: WHAT?
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290. >> All: RIP!
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291. RIP!
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292. RIP!
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293. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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294. >> Eric: OHH!
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295. >> Tim: WELL, I SUPPOSE I
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296. DESERVED IT.
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