1. >> Announcer: IT'S
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2. "BRULE'S RULES" WITH CHANNEL 5's
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3. DR. STEVE BRULE.
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4. >> Dr. HI.
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5. I'M DR. STEVE BRULE WITH SOME
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6. BAD NEWS.
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7. MY AUNT JOANNE JUST DIED.
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8. >> Tim: WELCOME TO THE "TIM AND
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9. ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
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10. >> Eric: GUESS WHAT.
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11. IT'S TIM'S LAST DAY.
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12. >> Tim: GONNA ASK ME ABOUT WHAT
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13. I MIGHT GONNA BE UP TO, OR...
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14. >> Eric: TIM, WHY THE HECK YOU
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15. LEAVING THE SHOW?
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16. >> Tim: I, ACTUALLY, ERIC...
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17. FIRST BOOK.
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18. I AM A BOOKMAN.
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19. AND IT'S CALLED "CHOICES."
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20. IT'S BECOME A HUGE BEST SELLER,
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21. SO I'M LEAVING MY DAY JOB AND
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22. AUTHOR.
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23. SO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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24. WORKING HERE WITH YOU.
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25. >> Eric: WELL, TIM, ON BEHALF OF
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26. "AWESOME SHOW" AND RICHARD DUNN,
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27. WHAT IS THIS?
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28. >> Tim: WELL, THIS IS "CHOICES."
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29. >> Eric: WHY DOES IT HAVE MY
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30. FACE ON IT?
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31. >> Tim: DON'T...
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32. THIS.
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33. IT'S...
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34. >> Eric: "THE PROBLEM WITH
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35. ERIC WAREHEIM"?
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36. >> Tim: WELL, IT'S AN
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37. WORKING RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE.
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38. >> Eric: LOOKS LIKE IT'S A
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39. BOOK TO ME.
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40. >> Tim:
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41. >> Eric: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR
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42. NEW LIFE.
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43. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
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44. >> Tim: THANK — THANK YOU VERY
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45. MUCH.
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46. >> Eric: THIS AREA'S CLOSED NOW.
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47. >> I HAD THE HONOR AND PRIVILEGE
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48. OUTSTANDING ACTORS.
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49. >> YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE
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50. BUSINESS 35 YEARS.
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51. >> HAVE YOU DONE MOTION CAPTURE?
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52. >> ABSOLUTELY.
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53. WORKED ON THIS FEATURE IN, LIKE,
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54. JANUARY — DECEMBER, JANUARY —
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55. THAT WAS JUST AWFUL.
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56. >>
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57. >> AND I'M LIKE, "EXCUSE ME.
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58. I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM."
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59. >> SO, DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK
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60. YOU'RE GONNA GET A GOOD
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61. THEM?
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62. >> NO.
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63. >>
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64. I GOT THAT ONE FROM MY DAD.
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65. "JOURNEYMAN"?
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66. >> YEAH, I WORKED A SHOW THAT
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67. THE STAGE ACROSS THE STREET.
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68. >> WHICH ONE?
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69. >> IT WAS "DRAGNET," 1989.
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70. >> MM-HMM.
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71. SCAFFOLDING.
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72. >> BUT I WORKED THE OUT
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73. OF THAT SHOW.
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74. THAT LOT.
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75. I WORKED ON "EMERGENCY."
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76. >> I STARTED WITH
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77. "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA."
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78. >> I WORKED ON THAT.
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79. I WORKED ON "QUINCY."
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80. >> ..."LAVERNE & SHIRLEY,"
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81. "MORK & MINDY."
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82. >> ..."NANCY DREW."
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83. >> MY FACE SHOULD LOOK A LITTLE
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84. BIT FAMILIAR TO YOU, 'CAUSE I
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85. WAS... ON THAT SHOW FOR A LONG
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86. TIME.
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87. >> SORRY, BARRY.
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88. >> THANKS FOR BEING WITH US.
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89. "ALL DOLLED UP."
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90. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
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91. >> SO, DAVE, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
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92. LIFE?
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93. >> THANK YOU FOR ASKING,
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94. LAMBADOG.
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95. I MET A NICE LADY, AND IT'S
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96. TAKEN CARE OF.
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97. AND I MADE A SONG ABOUT HER.
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98. AND LET'S START WITH THE MUSIC.
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99. >> ♪ I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE
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100. >> IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH AN
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101. INSECT WOMAN ALL MORNING, WHAT
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102. DAY?
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103. >> I GIVE BIRTH TO THOUSANDS OF
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104. ALL OVER MY BED.
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105. >> SHE'S AN INSECT!
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106. >> Tim: FOR ME, IT'S LIKE, "WHAT
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107. RIGHT AWAY?"
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108. THAT, SO FOR ME TO BE A
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109. DREAM COME TRUE, AND...
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110. >> ♪ FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
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111. >> Tim: WELL, GUYS, THANK YOU
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112. VERY MUCH FOR COMING.
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113. YOU'RE HERE FOR THIS, AND I PRAY
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114. THAT WE KEEP IN TOUCH, AND YOU
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115. KNOW MY CELL, SO MAKE SURE YOU
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116. PASS IT AROUND.
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117. THIS IS FOR YOU.
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118. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?
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119. >> Eric: IT'S FOR THIS BOOK,
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120. MAN.
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121. IT'S A BUNCH OF LIES.
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122. "ERIC DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS.
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123. IT'S JUST SOME SCAR TISSUE FROM
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124. SHUT."
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125. TRUE.
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126. THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
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127. >> Eric: DUDE, HERE — "EVEN IF
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128. ERIC DID HAVE A PENIS, IT WOULD
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129. BE A TINY, BLACK PENIS."
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130. THIS, MAN.
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131. THIS IS ALL LIES.
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132. >> Tim: WELL, LISTEN, I GOT TO
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133. DO SOMETHING, ERIC.
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134. IT'S A BEAR MARKET OUT THERE
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135. WITH BOOKS.
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136. TRASH.
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137. YOU WANT TO GO?
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138. [ SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
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139. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
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140. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
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141. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! ]
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142. >> Eric: AAH!
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143. >> Tim: OOH!
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144. UNH!
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145. UNH!
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146. HA!
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147. >> Eric: UNH!
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148. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
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149. CAR-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-EER.
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150. >> Tim:
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151. GUYS, I-I'M SORRY.
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152. I GOT TO GO GET MY FRIEND BACK.
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153. ERI-I-I-I-C!
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154. EHHHHHHH... EH.
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155. WHAT?
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156. EHHHH...
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157. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE MONEY'S
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158. ALL GONE?
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159. >> I'M SORRY, JIM.
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160. YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THE HOUSE.
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161. >> NO, WE CAN'T LOSE THE HOUSE.
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162. >> THERE'S REALLY NOTHING I CAN
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163. DO AT THIS POINT, JIM.
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164. >> WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY?
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165. >> HAVE YOU CONSIDERED GETTING A
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166. JOB?
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167. >> NO!
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168. NO, THAT'S NOT AN OPTION!
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169. SON OF A BITCH!
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170. >> DINNER'S READY, HON!
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171. >>
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172. >>
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173. WHAT IS THAT?
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174. LAMB?
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175. YOU'RE MAKING LAMB WITH OUR
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176. MONEY PROBLEMS?
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177. FOR GOD'S SAKE, JENNIFER, WHAT
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178. WERE YOU THINKING?
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179. I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU, AND
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180. THEN I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!
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181. >> RELAX, HON.
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182. IT'S NOT LAMB.
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183. IT'S H'AMB FROM CINCO FARMS.
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184. IT INTO A FRESH H'AMB LOAF.
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185. H'AMB ALSO COMES WITH THE
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186. ESSENCE OF LAMB AEROSOL SPRAY,
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187. WONDERFUL SMELL OF LAMB.
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188. >> I SMELL LIKE LAMB.
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189. >> H'AMB.
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190. >> H'AMB.
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191. >> H'AMB.
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192. >> All: H'AMB,
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193. H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB...
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194. >> SO GOOD WITH RADISHES.
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195. >> All: H'AMB,
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196. H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB,
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197. H'AMB.
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198. >> IT'S REALLY GOOD.
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199. >> IF YOU LOVE LAMB, YOU'LL LOVE
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200. H'AMB.
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201. >> THANKS... CINCO.
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202. >> AND FOR THE SEAFOOD LOVERS,
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203. NOW THERE'S HAM'BSTER.
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204. >> WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MOVE TO A
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205. LITTLE INSECT BABIES.
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206. EXCUSE ME.
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207. OH, MY GOODNESS. EXCUSE ME.
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208. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
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209. >> Tim: EHHH!
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210. THERE YOU ARE.
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211. GEEZ.
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212. I-I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS BOOK.
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213. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN
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214. IT.
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215. I'M S—
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216. >> Eric: I MEAN, IT JUST HURTS.
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217. >> Tim: I TELL YOU WHAT I'M
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218. GONNA DO.
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219. GIVE ME THAT.
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220. I'M GONNA TEAR OUT EVERY PAGE OF
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221. THIS BOOK THAT'S NOT TRUE.
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222. >> Eric: YEAH?
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223. >> Tim: RIP!
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224. >> Both: RIP!
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225. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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226. >> Tim:
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227. >> Both: RIP! RIP!
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228. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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229. RIP! RIP!
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230. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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231. RIP! RIP!
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232. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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233. >> All: RIP! RIP!
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234. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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235. >> Tim: EVERYBODY!
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236. >> All: RIP! RIP!
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237. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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238. RIP! RIP!
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239. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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240. RIP! RIP!
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241. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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242. >> Tim: HEY, ONE MORE PAGE.
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243. YEAH!
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244. >> Eric: THEY'RE ALL GONE.
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245. YOU HAVE NO BOOK NO MORE.
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246. >> Tim: WELL, I DON'T NEED NO
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247. BOOK NO MORE, ERIC.
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248. WITH YOU.
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249. CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
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250. >> Eric: COME HERE.
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251. >> Tim: WHAT'S UP?
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252. >> Eric: I don't forgive you.
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253. >> Tim: WHAT?
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254. >> All: RIP!
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255. RIP!
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256. RIP!
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257. RIP! RIP! RIP!
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258. >> Eric: OHH!
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259. >> Tim: WELL, I SUPPOSE I
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260. DESERVED IT.
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