1. >> It's Tim and Eric
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2. Awesome Show Great Job!
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3. With Tim Heidecker!
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4. Eric Wareheim!
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5. Tim Heidecker.
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6. Eric Wareheim.
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7. Tim Heidecker.
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8. Eric Wareheim.
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9. Tiiiiiiiim Heidecker!
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10. Eric-ric-ric-ric Wareheim.
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11. Tim Heidecker.
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12. Eric Wareheim.
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13. And Tim Heidecker.
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14. And Eric Wareheim.
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15. Featuring David Lee Hart and
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16. James Quall
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17. And now ladies and gentlemen...
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18. Tim and Eric!
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19. >> Hey!
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20. Who's excited to be here, huh?
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21. Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo!
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22. >> He didn't bow.
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23. Will you stop?
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24. He's trying to get my wallet!
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25. Guys, welcome to
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26. "Tim and Eric Awesome Show
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27. Great Job."
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28. >> You know, Tim...
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29. I was walking by your dressing
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30. room
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31. bathroom this afternoon, and
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32. Pee-Ew!
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33. What'd you have for lunch?
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34. >> Well, to be honest,
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35. I had a mucho
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36. grande beef burrito.
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37. >> Oh! Whoa!
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38. And unfortunately
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39. it's given me a
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40. little "a diarrhea."
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41. >>
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42. >> You know, we were thinking,
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43. "What if we could invent a
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44. product that
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45. would put a stop to those runs
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46. for good?"
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47. >> Let's take a look at a clip.
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48. >> We're gathered here this fine
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49. afternoon to bless the union in
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50. holy "macramony"
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51. of Elliot Coe and Tenise Gray.
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52. Elliot, do you take Tenise to be
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53. your lawfully "waded" wife...
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54. to have and to hold til death
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55. do you part?
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56. I...
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57. I... Oh! I... DOOOOOOO!
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58. Diarrhea!
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59. >>
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60. >> Elliot, why aren't you
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61. wearing your "Diarrheaphragm?"
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62. >> My what?
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63. >> The Cinco Diarrheaphragm.
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64. It temporarily prevents diarrhea
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65. by creating a damn in the large
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66. intestine, or colon.
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67. Lemme show you how it works.
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68. First, the Diarrheaphragm
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69. is inserted into-
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70. the rectum using the
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71. mechanical steel pole.
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72. Then the Diarrheaphragm is
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73. released,
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74. to stop the diarrhea for good.
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75. Just like a beaver dam does!
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76. And when you're ready to
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77. evacuate the
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78. brown river, you just pull the
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79. plug!
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80. >> I wish I would've known about
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81. that before the wedding.
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82. >> Just go to the bathroom
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83. before the wedding.
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84. >> You wanna try that again?
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85. >> I do.
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86. >>
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87. > Okay. You may now
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88. kiss the bride.
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89. >> Thanks, Cinco.
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90. >>
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91. >> Wow! That was a hilarious
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92. clip, Tim.
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93. >> It sure was.
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94. Hey, Eric.
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95. What do you
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96. think of all those cop shows
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97. that are on TV these days?
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98. >> Cops? Where are the cops?
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99. >> I'm innocent!
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100. >> Yeah, that's right, Eric.
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101. I'm an undercover cop.
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102. Give me a break.
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103. >> ♪
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104. >>
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105. >> No. No.
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106. I'm innocent.
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107. >> You idiot! I'm not a cop!
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108. I'm talking about the amazing
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109. clip we have to show.
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110. >> "SUNDAYS AT SIX"
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111. "Quall of Duty:
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112. San Diego Streets."
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113. >>
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114. 247, we have a situation
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115. on Pine Street.
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116. >> Well, I suppose we should
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117. head over.
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118. >> You need to ask,
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119. but you don't need
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120. to ask me twice?
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121. >> Sundays at six
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122. just got a lot hotter
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123. with the brand-new crime drama
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124. for adults and children.
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125. >> Stick 'em UP!
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126. >> Freeze.
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127. >>
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128. "STARRING JAMES QUALL"
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129. >> "What do you expect to do
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130. with a cheap-looking knife like
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131. that?
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132. It looks as though it
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133. could fall apart
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134. at any time."
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135. That was Bob Hope.
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136. >> David Liebe Hart.
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137. >> I could show you
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138. a good time for a
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139. hundred dollars.
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140. >> That sounds like
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141. a plan to me.
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142. >> Busted!
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143. >> We're police men!
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144. >> We're policemen.
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145. >> "Quall of Duty."
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146. It's on tonight at six,
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147. only on Channel Quive.
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148. >>
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149. >> Home run!
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150. >> We nailed that bit, Tim.
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151. Click-click-click—OW!
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152. >> I love that bit.
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153. Hey, you know what, Eric?
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154. This crowd has been so
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155. terrific, I feel like they need
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156. some kind of reward.
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157. >> You know what we
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158. should give 'em?
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159. A little —
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160. Tim and Eric Dance!
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161. >> ♪
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162. >> Hold on a minute.
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163. >> You okay?
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164. >> Yeah. I'm sweating here.
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165. Jeez. Here.
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166. >> I got a rag for you, buddy.
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167. >> Oh, thanks.
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168. What's all this over my arm?
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169. Whoa! Smells like pup.
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170. >> But I don't get it.
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171. I've been using
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172. the Diarrheaphragm.
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173. >> Maybe this next video
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174. will have some
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175. answers for you.
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176. Let's take a look.
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177. >> Hello.
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178. I'm Corbin Bernsen from the TV
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179. show "L.A. Law."
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180. These days I also happen to be
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181. an amateur lawyer.
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182. Diarrheabedis can result from a
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183. massive build up of diarrhea,
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184. which
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185. begins secreting itself through
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186. pours in the skin.
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187. Diarrhea simply has no place
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188. else to go.
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189. Signs of Diarreabedis are
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190. Brown Sweat.
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191. General bad odor.
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192. Bad breath.
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193. Brown mucus or spit and flies
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194. living
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195. in your skin and body hair.
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196. >> Call right now to find out if
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197. you qualify for
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198. a very small cash settlement.
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199. This is my personal home
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200. phone.
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201. If I'm not there,
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202. leave a message with my son.
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203. Call Corbin Bernsen's home phone
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204. right now to receive your free
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205. check for twenty-five dollars!
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206. "CALL CORBIN TODAY!"
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207. >> [People hooting and
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208. hollering]
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209. >> And now something I wanna
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210. say.
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211. Honey, you're my "puppsie pups."
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212. And I'm gonna miss you running
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213. around the
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214. old colonial Dutch house.
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215. Playing
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216. barbeque meat games with your
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217. old "pep-pep."
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218. And I'm not always gonna be
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219. around to help you
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220. connect with the internet
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221. via wi-fi.
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222. You got a new man for that now.
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223. He's not a cute man,
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224. but he's an OK man.
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225. I mean you picked him.
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226. >>
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227. >> "GREAT JOB!"
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228. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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229. >> AH!
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230. >> Let's take a look at a clip.
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231. >> I should jump over there and
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232. beat the CRAP OUTTA YOU!
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233. >> Maybe we have to tone
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234. it down a bit.
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235. >> Hey, man, I didn't kill
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236. nobody.
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237. >>
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238. >> Stop it! Come over here.
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239. I'm worried more about you than
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240. I am about him.
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241. Is everything OK with you?
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242. >> My wife has been
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243. sleeping with every
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244. damn Tom, Dick, and Harry in
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245. town.
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246. She's been just having a
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247. Thanksgiving
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248. dinner of sex with every man she
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249. can find!
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250. >> Don't worry I'm your best
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251. friend you can always
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252. talk to me.
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253. >> It's "Brule's Rules."
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254. With Channel 5's
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255. Dr. Steve Brule.
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256. >> Hi. I'm Dr. Steve Brule.
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257. We'll focus on genders.
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258. Some people are boys but
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259. then wanna be girls.
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260. Some girls wanna
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261. be boys. Just be happy
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262. with your "virgana!
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263. " You got it already.
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264. Don't have to make a new one.
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265. And if you got a "panis,"
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266. just keep on it.
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267. Don't cut it off.
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268. >> Hey, everyone.
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269. Thank you so much for
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270. a great show tonight.
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271. >> You guys have been awesome.
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272. I wanna thank all the executive
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273. producers out there —
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274. especially you guys
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275. here in the studio!
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276. >> Yeah. And an extra-special
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277. thanks to
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278. everyone watching at home, Tim.
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279. >> All right. Stay tuned next
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280. week for
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281. another episode of
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282. "Tim and Eric Awesome Show—"
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283. "GREAT JOB!"
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284. >> Good night.
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285. >> Good night everybody.
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286. >>
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287. Thank you.
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288. >>
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289. >> You better wise up
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290. and quite making these
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291. kind of mistakes.
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292. Come early, or don't show up.
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293. >> Thank you.
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