Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! 4x3

Directed by

Frankie Angel as Dancer • Sydney Hope Banner as Cheerleader • Gary Canavello as Singer • Endre Hules as Billy Crystals • Lia Marie Johnson as Cheerleader

Tim and Eric examine the mysteries of the universe. Pierre launches a PSA about food poisoning. The Zillions crew is back with a very special episode of a Celebrity Zillions.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Announcer: Billy Crystals...

2. Steven Spielberg...

3. Whoopsie Goldberg...

4. Tom Cruizes...

5. John Depp.

6. I'm John Depp, and you're watching "Celebrity Zillions."

7. Announcer: "Celebrity Zillions."

8. The zillionaire.

9. Zillions!

10. Give me my zillions.

11. Try to catch, you pretty actors.

12. Zillions.

13. That one's mine.

14. No, no, no, no, no.

15. No, no, no, no, no, no.

16. Reload the cash,

17. zillionaire.

18. Come on!

19. Come on.

20. More dinero,

21. vámanos!

22. Patter! Patter! Patter!

23. John Depp, number one.

24. ♪ Tim and Eric ♪ Awesome Show

25. ♪ Tim and Eric ♪ Awesome Show

26. ♪ Tim and Eric ♪ Awesome Show

27. Grande trabajo!

28. The universe.

29. What a concept.

30. You know, the universe is a little bit like the human

31. hand.

32. For example, you have Grauman's center right here.

33. And then you have undiscovered worlds, and, um, sector eight.

34. And up here is Tittleman's crest.

35. So, you can kind of picture that it's a little bit like a leaf

36. or, uh... or, um... it's not a bowl.

37. The universe is beautiful, something like a new

38. woman that I was gonna date.

39. You're dark and you're massive and you have a black hole.

40. And all of those elements I want to explore just like you would

41. explore on a new date.

42. You want to dive deep into them and feel around and just see

43. what's gonna come out of that.

44. The time it takes to get from one star to another star is...

45. and, see, you need to travel at the speed of light.

46. And us humans can't even fathom the concept of that kind of time

47. because it's really, really, really, really, really, really,

48. really, really fun to think about taking a speed-of-light

49. ride.

50. If you could put the

51. universe into a tube, you'd end up with a very long tube,

52. probably extending twice the size of the universe, because

53. when you collapse the universe, it expands, and it would be,

54. uh... you wouldn't want to put it into a tube.

55. Stayed tuned for a very important announcement

56. regarding food poisoning.

57. ♪ all the food is poisoned

58. ♪ All the food is poisoned ♪ carrots, the peas, the

59. celery sticks ♪ ♪ the meat and the fish will

60. make you sick ♪ ♪ all the food is poisoned

61. ♪ all the food is poisoned ♪ the apples, tomatoes,

62. wheat, and the corn ♪ ♪ all the food is poisoned

63. ♪ don't eat the food ♪ it's poisoned food

64. ♪ all the food is poisoned ♪ all the food is poisoned

65. ♪ the onions, the pickles, and the melons, too ♪

66. ♪ even the pasta and the Turkey are contaminated food ♪

67. ♪ don't eat the food ♪ all the food is poisoned

68. ♪ all the food is poisoned ♪ poisoned

69. ♪ poisoned ♪ poisoned

70. ♪ poisoned ♪ poisoned

71. ♪ poisoned your dad's barbecue brisket.

72. ♪ Poisoned ♪ poisoned

73. little babies.

74. ♪ Poisoned ♪ poisoned

75. ♪ poisoned napples, napples, napples,

76. napples, napples.

77. ♪ Poisoned try to figure out something

78. else to eat.

79. I'm out of here.

80. ♪ Poisoned I'm Richard Dunn of

81. "Getting it Dunn show."

82. Today we'll have a wonderful puppeteer with us today.

83. His name is David Lieber Mintz.

84. And, uh...

85. David, can you explain all

86. of the different women in the universe and why you like them?

87. I would like to get a... um, a woman called a minutian woman,

88. and then I'd like the coranian women.

89. I hear they have a spicy taco... In between their legs.

90. It's better-tasting than what the Americans have.

91. Oh, I shouldn't say that.

92. I'm sorry.

93. I got carried away, and I said things I shouldn't have said.

94. And I deeply apologize for saying wrong things about sex to

95. women.

96. We men should have more respect for you.

97. And sex should only be with two people that love each other and

98. only with marriage, and I am so sorry.

99. I derailed and said the wrong things.

100. Picture a hot-dog bun, and throw all the stars, the

101. hundreds of stars that there are in the universe, into a bag, and

102. put the universe into a bag, and you all of a sudden... they

103. become, um...

104. When I was a child, there was thought to be nine planets, but

105. there are now 90 planets.

106. You know, the ultimate fate of the universe is so dark

107. and mysterious that it generates butterflies in my stomach, and

108. that goes to tickles in my spine, and that creates goose

109. pimples, and then that penetrates my mind.

110. And then the whole big bang explosion.

111. It's "Brule's Rules" with channel 5's

112. Dr. Steve Brule.

113. Ever wonder why ice cubes taste so boring?

114. It's 'cause you make out of stupid water, you bimbo.

115. Put some fruit juice in there and freeze it into ice cubes and

116. in your milk.

117. For your health.

118. Hi. Me mamo Tim heidecker, and welcome to

119. discount prices.

120. I've got $1.99.

121. I've got $7.99.

122. I've got $16.99.

123. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap prices.

124. $14.00, $11.00, $2.49.

125. $3.00.

126. My prices are so small, you can barely see them.

127. This is some small prices.

128. ♪ We have prices ♪ discount...

129. ugh!

130. Tim's discounted prices shatter to the ground.

131. Buy premium prices.

132. Hi, I'm Eric, and welcome to Eric's premium prices.

133. I've got all the premium prices.

134. I've got $19.99 for sale for $20.

135. You come to me when you want fine European prices.

136. They're premium.

137. Come on in.

138. Buy $35.50 for $40.

139. Oh, lay an egg.

140. Go to Tim's discount prices.

141. Our $6.99's are down to $2... Ah!

142. Tim buys his prices from China.

143. Mine are real... American ma...

144. Who wants to pay a premium for prices?

145. Come on down to Tim's discount prices and pay

146. small prices.

147. Look at this discounted price.

148. There's no meat on it.

149. You throw it back.

150. Stay in the water.

151. I'm not gonna serve you to my family.

152. The man's a dirty

153. fellow.

154. He's got a stink down here.

155. Discount prices are for the birds.

156. Tim's got crap prices.

157. Kick it.

158. TDon't let Eric get near you.

159. He'll rape you.

160. Tim makes up random prices and sells them at a

161. discount.

162. That's bull... Eric's a compulsive

163. masturbator.

164. He masturbates all over the store.

165. My competitor is a liar.

166. Cut his head off.

167. La, la, la, la, la.

168. Premium?

169. I'd say, "creamulum."

170. Eric's premium prices.

171. My prices.

172. Premium prices.

173. Tim: Premium prices.

174. No, no, no, come to Tim's...

175. my!

176. My!

177. My!

178. Stars can be fun.

179. A lot of people say, "Donna, you get so wrapped up in the physics

180. of it.

181. Don't you have any fun?" I say, "well, I go up, and I

182. look at the stars though my telescope, and I see the little

183. dipster or I see the big dipster.

184. Every star has a sister star... um, a little bit like two

185. eyeballs.

186. If you can imagine... if... if... if you could see the other

187. side of my eyeball, you'd see a 360-degree eyeball.

188. Do you know that when you look at a planet and you see

189. that light, that planet is not even there?

190. That's just a light.

191. That's just your neighbor shining a flashlight right into

192. your yard, looking for coons.

193. And he says, "what are you doing in my backyard with that

194. flashlight?" and I told him, "I'm shining it

195. in your window so I can teach your son about the universe."

196. He said, "get out of my yard, and why are you communicating to

197. my son?

198. Why are you in all black behind my bushes, shining a light into

199. my house?" And I said, "I'm teaching your

200. son about the universe.

201. I'm shining a light.

202. I'm shining a light right in there and exploring his room as

203. he's looking out and exploring the universe.

204. I turn the light off, and I see your son go to bed.

205. And I turn the light back on, and I do swirls on his wall like

206. a comet's tail.

207. I do this every night with your son."