1. HI, I'M TIM HEIDECKER.
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2. HI, I'M
ERIC WAREHEIMER.
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3. A-AND I JUST BET
ERIC WAREHEIMER $1 MILLION THAT
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4. I COULD BEAT HIM IN ONE SINGLE
GAME OF "TIM AND ERIC" TENNIS,
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5. AND HERE'S MY CHECK TO PROVE IT.
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6. I'VE ACCEPTED TIM'S BET
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND
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7. ALSO MY TENNIS ABILITIES, AND
HERE'S MY CHECK TO PROVE IT.
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8. ONE OF THESE CHECKS IS
GETTING RIPPED UP, ONE OF THEM
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9. IS GETTING CASHED ON TONIGHT'S
EPISODE OF...
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10. MAN, IT'S TOO BAD WE CAN'T
SMOKE IN HERE.
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11. I KNOW.
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12. I'M DYING FOR A CIGARETTE.
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13. IT'S CIGARETTE
JUICE FROM CINCO DRINKS.
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14. FEED YOUR NEED FOR NICOTINE WITH
THIS NEW COOL AND REFRESHING
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15. BEVERAGE.
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16. OUR DRINXPERTS EXTRACT THE
TOBACCO FROM REAL CIGARETTES.
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17. THE TOBACCO IS BREWED IN CINCO
WATER AND THEN HAND-SQUEEZED TO
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18. GIVE IT THAT THICK, BROWN,
CIGARETTE TASTE.
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19. HELLO. MY NAME IS
GLEN TENNIS, AND I'M HERE TODAY
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20. WITH MY GOOD FRIEND AND THE STAR
OF MY NEW FILM,
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21. "THE PILLGRUMS" — GRUM!
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22. HI, MR. TENNIS.
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23. THANKS FOR HAVING ME, AND THANKS
FOR DIRECTING ME IN
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24. "THE PILLGRUMS."
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25. WELL, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO
BRING THE STORY OF THE PILLGRUMS
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26. TO THE BIG SCREEN?
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27. IT WAS VERY EXCITING.
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28. I LOVE THE PILLGRUMS, AND IT WAS
FUN WORKING WITH YOU, TOO.
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29. WELL... LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT A
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30. CLIP.
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31. THERE IT IS, GRUM —
PLYMOUTH ROCK.
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32. WHAT ARE ALL THOSE CLOWNS
DOING THERE?
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33. THOSE AREN'T CLOWNS, GRUM.
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34. THOSE ARE INDIANS.
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35. WELL, WHAT ARE THEY EATING?
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36. WELL, THEY'RE EATING
THANKSGIVING DINNER — YOU KNOW,
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37. TURKEY, GRAVY, CRESCENT ROLLS,
AMBROSIA, PIES, GREEN-BEAN
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38. CASSEROLE, AND MAIZE.
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39. MAIZE.
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40. OHH!
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41. THERE'S MY CHIPPY.
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42. OKAY, BOYS.
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43. LET'S GO OVER THE RULES FOR TIM
AND ERIC'S TENNIS.
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44. FIRST MAN TO TAARGUS WINS THE
MILLION DOLLARS.
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45. MY NAME'S RICHARD DUNN, AND I'LL
BE YOUR JUDGE.
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46. SO, LET'S BEGIN.
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47. UGH!
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48. FAULT.
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49. ERIC — DENGUS.
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50. TIM — ZERO.
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51. WHAT'S GOING ON?
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52. TIM BET ERIC A MILLION BUCKS
THAT, UH, HE COULD BEAT HIM AT
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53. TENNIS.
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54. OH, SACK.
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55. I KNOW.
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56. WHICH ONE'S TIM?
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57. AAH!
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58. FAULT.
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59. ERIC — PAYNUSS.
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60. TIM — ZERO.
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61. HAAA-AAH!
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62. FAULT.
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63. A LITTLE WIDE.
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64. ERIC — FIBBUS.
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65. TIM — ZERO.
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66. AAAAH-WHOA!
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67. FAULT.
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68. ERIC — CHONUS.
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69. TIM — ZERO.
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70. ONE MORE POINT, AND ERIC WINS
THE $1 MILLION.
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71. TIME.
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72. TIME.
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73. TIM...
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74. DUDE, LET'S CALL THIS OFF.
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75. YOU CAN'T EVEN GET IT OVER THE
NET.
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76. NO, I'M NOT CALLING IT
OFF.
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77. I'M GONNA BEAT YOU.
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78. WHATEVER, PRICK.
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79. GAME ON!
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80. YOUR ASS IS GRASS.
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81. GAME'S ON!
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82. I hate movies.
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83. You can't smoke in here.
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84. I know.
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85. I'm dying for a cigarette.
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86. YOU DON'T EVEN
NEED TO SMOKE TO ENJOY CIGARETTE
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87. JUICE.
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88. HI, I'M THE CHARACTER
SPAGETT, AND WHEN I'M NOT
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89. SPOOKING, I LIKE TO SMOKE.
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90. WHEN I CAN'T SMOKE, I CHOOSE
CIGARETTE JUICE BECAUSE IT
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91. TASTES GREAT AND IT'S FILLED
WITH THE NICOTINE AND THE TAR
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92. THAT I NEED.
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93. OOH, SPAGETT!
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94. OOPS!
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95. CIGARETTE.
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96. JUICE.
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97. CIGARETTE JUICE
FROM CINCO DRINKS.
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98. IT'S NATURAL.
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99. HEY, YOU GUYS READY FOR
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100. ANOTHER ROUND OF WINGS?
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101. YEAH, PUT 'EM...
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102. KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT.
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103. ♪ I MISS MY WIFE
♪ BEING SEPARATED JUST DOESN'T
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104. FEEL SO RIGHT ♪
♪ EATING BUFFALO WINGS
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105. WITH YOU ♪
♪ JUST DOESN'T REPLACE THE
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106. HANDS ON ME ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE TOUCHED, OH-OH
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107. ME ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE TOUCHED, OH-OH
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108. YOU KNOW, THE BEST PART ABOUT
"THE PILLGRUMS" IS THAT IT'S
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109. GOING TO BE EXCLUSIVELY RELEASED
ON THE NEW CINCO VIDEO CUBE
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110. PLAYBACK SYSTEM.
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111. BUT HOW DOES IT WORK?
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112. WELL, GOOD QUESTION, GRUM.
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113. SEE, THE MOVIE IS CONTAINED
INSIDE THE CUBE, AND THE CUBE
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114. CAN BE PLUGGED INTO ANY VHS TAPE
ONCE YOU REMOVE THE PROTECTIVE
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115. TAB.
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116. THEN YOU PLUG IT IN, AND THEN
THAT VHS TAPE CAN BE PLAYED IN
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117. ANY CINCO VHS PLAYBACK SYSTEM.
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118. WOW.
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119. LOOK AT THE QUALITY ON THAT
PICTURE.
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120. WELL, GRUM, THAT'S CINCO CUBE
QUALITY FOR YOU.
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121. THANKS, CINCO.
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122. GOOD NEWS!
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123. CIGARETTE JUICE!
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124. CUT.
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125. HEY, MARK, SORRY TO DROP YOU
OUT OF THE MEETING.
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126. UH, YEAH, WELL, WE DO HAVE A
LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM,
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127. ACTUALLY.
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128. YEAH, WELL, I'M TELLING YOU,
THEY'VE BEEN DOUSING ME IN THIS
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129. CIGARETTE JUICE.
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130. IT'S STARTING TO REALLY IRRITATE
THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH.
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131. NO, I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T SMOKE.
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132. I SMOKE CIGARS OCCASIONALLY,
WHEN FRIENDS ARE IN TOWN.
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133. YEAH, I DO HAVE — YES, I DO.
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134. YES, I DO.
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135. WELL, OKAY, THEN I CAN — I CAN
SEND YOU A CLIP.
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136. I SAID, "CAN I GET A TOWEL?"
AND THEY SAID, "ABSOLUTELY NOT."
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137. I SAID, "I SEE A TOWEL RIGHT
THERE."
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138. AND THEY SAID, "THAT TOWEL IS
FOR SOMEONE ELSE."
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139. ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHATEVER YOU
CAN DO TO HELP, I'D LOVE TO JUST
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140. GET SOME DRY CLOTHES.
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141. JUST GIVE HIM A CALL.
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142. ONE MORE POINT AND ERIC WINS
TAARGUS AND THE $1 MILLION.
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143. GOOD LUCK, ERIC.
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144. GUY, COME ON, TRY TO TIE.
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145. U-U-U-UGH!
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146. IT'S IN!
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147. DUDE!
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148. UGH!
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149. AAH!
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150. UHH!
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151. UGH!
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152. GUYS, LOOK AT THE BALL.
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153. AAAH!
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154. OHH!
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155. ERIC —
CHONUS.
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156. TIM — DENGUS.
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157. HUH!
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158. NO!
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159. ERIC — CHONUS.
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160. TIM — PAYNUSS.
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161. ERIC — CHONUS.
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162. TIM — FIBBUS.
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163. OHH!
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164. DAH!
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165. SO... PLEASE SETTLE.
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166. WE'RE TIED CHONUS.
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167. CHONUS.
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168. THIS IS THE GAME... POINT.
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169. COME ON, TIM!
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170. COME ON, TIM!
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171. GAME OVER.
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172. ERIC WINS.
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173. YEAH!
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174. ALL RIGHT!
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175. COME HERE.
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176. GOOD GAME, MAN.
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177. GOOD GAME.
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178. OW!
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179. I'M RICH!
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180. YEAH!
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181. MILLION DOLLARS!
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182. HEY!
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183. $1 MILLION!
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184. ERIC JUST HIT HIM IN THE
HEAD.
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185. I'M SORRY.
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186. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
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187. OW!
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188. OH, YEAH!
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189. JUST DID IT AGAIN.
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190. MY BEST FRIEND GOT HIT IN THE
HEAD BY HIS BEST FRIEND.
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191. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR
HIM?
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