Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! 3x4

Directed by

Steve Schirripa as Self • Brian Posehn as Self • Americus Abesamis as Biology Student • Seth Bateman as Film Crew Member • Nathaniel Corbert as Son

The Adventure Begins. Spagett goes Hollywood, and a friendship is threatened. Love is not always hard. (John C. Reilly, Brian Posehn, Steve Schirripa)

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. >> Announcer: IT'S "BRULE'S RULES" WITH CHANNEL 5's

2. DR. STEVE BRULE.

3. >> Dr. I'M DR. STEVE BRULE WITH A

4. BRULE'S RULE.

5. I KNOW IT'S PROM TIME'S COMING UP, AND IF YOU'RE A SENIOR IN

6. HIGH SCHOOL, YOU'RE THINKING, "WHAT THE HECK AM I GONNA DO FOR

7. A DATE?" TAKE YOUR SISTER, DUM-DUM.

8. SHE'S A GIRL.

9. >> ♪ TIM AND ERIC ♪ AWESOME SHOW

10. >> ... I GUESS.

11. >> Tim: TIM JUST DO A SURPRISE.

12. WINK.

13. >> Announcer: THESE TWO OFFICE WORKERS ARE PLANNING AHEAD FOR

14. THEIR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING.

15. >> Tim: A WHISTLE SOUND EFFECT OR SOMETHING.

16. >> Eric: HEY, MAN, WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?

17. >> SPAGETT!

18. >> Tim: I WAS GONNA — I MEANT TO TELL YOU THIS.

19. UM, STEVEN SPIELBERG CALLED, AND THEY'RE GONNA BE MAKING A

20. "SPAGETT" MOVIE, UH...

21. STARRING ME AND — >> Eric: REALLY?

22. >> Tim: WE WROTE IT TOGETHER, AND —

23. >> Eric: THAT'S PRETTY AMAZING.

24. >> Tim: YEAH.

25. CHECK THIS OUT.

26. FELT SO WEIRD TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT...

27. YOU KNOW THE WAY STEVEN WORKS IS HE LIKES TO MAKE THE POSTER

28. FIRST AND WORK BACKWARDS FROM THERE AND...

29. >> Eric: RIGHT, AND THERE'S A PART FOR ME IN THIS?

30. >> Tim: UM... I DON'T THINK — I DIDN'T SEE ONE.

31. I DIDN'T THINK SO.

32. DID YOU WANT ONE?

33. >> Eric: MY NAME'S NOT HERE.

34. >> Tim: I'M SORRY.

35. >> Eric: WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, MAN.

36. >> Tim: DON'T MIND THESE GUYS.

37. THIS IS STEVEN'S CAMERA GUYS.

38. THEY'RE TRYING TO DOCUMENT THE WHOLE BEGINNING-TO-END NONSENSE.

39. DO YOU WANT TO GET A SHOT WITH ME HOLDING THIS UP?

40. THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR THE...

41. >> Eric: I GUESS SO.

42. >> Tim: JUST TRY TO KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM THE GLOSS.

43. "SPAGETT!" >> Eric: "SPAGETT."

44. >> Tim: "AND THE QUEST FOR THE GOLDEN TREASURE."

45. >> A FEW WEEKS AGO, MY EGG BILLS WERE THROUGH THE ROOF.

46. BUT NOT ANYMORE, BECAUSE I USE MyEggs FROM CINCO DAIRY.

47. MyEggs USES REAL CHICKEN EMBRYOS WHICH INCUBATE

48. IN MY INTESTINAL TRACT.

49. I TAKE JUST ONE PILL, AND IN THREE DAYS, I'M PASSING A DOZEN

50. EGGS OUT MY REAR.

51. WHILE YOU'RE WAITING, YOU CAN PREPARE YOUR NEST.

52. MyEggs COMES WITH A DISPOSABLE PAPER SHREDDER.

53. YOU CAN TURN THE BOX IT CAME IN INTO STRAW FOR YOUR TOILET NEST.

54. THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART, BECAUSE IT'S GREAT FOR THE

55. ENVIRONMENT.

56. CAPICHE?

57. IT'S A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE PASSING THE EGGS THROUGH MY

58. RECTUM, BUT THE RESULTS ARE WORTH IT.

59. 4, 5, 6.

60. I'M HALFWAY THERE.

61. >> ALL RIGHT, QUIET PLEASE.

62. WE'RE GOING AGAIN.

63. >> "SPAGETT AND THE QUEST FOR THE GOLDEN TREASURE," SCENE 72,

64. TAKE THREE.

65. >> CAN YOU SEE ME WHEN MY LEG GOES...

66. >> Eric: EXCUSE ME, I'M LOOKING FOR TIM HEIDECKER.

67. >> Shh, QUIET PLEASE.

68. WE'RE WORKING.

69. >> AND ACTION.

70. >> Tim: SPAGETT!

71. SPAGETT!

72. >> QUIET PLEASE!

73. CUT!

74. >> Eric: I'M SORRY.

75. >> Tim: GUYS, WE GOT TO LOCK THIS DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

76. WHO IS THAT?

77. IS THAT MARTY COMING IN AGAIN?

78. >> Eric: NO, IT'S ERIC.

79. >> DEREK OR SOMETHING?

80. GARRETT?

81. >> Eric: IT'S ERIC WAREHEIM.

82. HEY, TIM!

83. >> Tim: WHAT'S HE SAYING?

84. >> DEREK STARENEIN.

85. >> Tim: DEREK?

86. >> Eric: IT'S ERIC!

87. >> Tim: BARRET?

88. >> Eric: I JUST DON'T KNOW WHO TO TALK TO TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU

89. TO SAY THAT I'M HERE.

90. THERE'S NO ONE — >> IT'S A REALLY LONG NAME.

91. >> Tim: IS THERE SOMEBODY STANDING BETWEEN ME AND BARRET

92. THAT CAN TELL ME WHAT HE'S SAYING?

93. >> Eric: THERE WAS A GUY HERE, AND HE'S GONE.

94. >> I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH A BARRET.

95. >> Tim: REALLY?

96. >> YEAH, BUT HE DIED.

97. >> Tim: I KNEW A MONSIGNOR BARRET.

98. >> Eric: I'M SORRY.

99. IT'S ERIC!

100. >> Tim: OH, ERIC.

101. IT'S ERIC.

102. CAN WE TAKE 10?

103. >> Eric: HEY, MAN, I JUST CAME

104. TO SAY HEY.

105. >> Tim: YOU JUST KIND OF BUNGLED UP THAT SHOT.

106. >> Eric: OH, I'M SORRY.

107. >> Tim: GOOD TO SEE YOU.

108. >> Eric: THEY DIDN'T TELL ME WHERE TO GO.

109. >> Tim: YEAH, YOU JUST GOT TO KEEP IT QUIET WHILE WE'RE ON

110. SET.

111. >> Eric: OKAY.

112. >> Tim: DO YOU KNOW STEVEN SPIELBERG?

113. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE MET.

114. >> Eric: NO.

115. HEY, MR. SPIELBERG.

116. I'M A BIG FAN.

117. >> Tim: UH...

118. >> Eric: OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

119. WOW.

120. THIS IS, UM, PRETTY INCREDIBLE, MAN.

121. >> Tim: THIS IS BRIAN POSEHN.

122. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW HIM FROM ALTERNATIVE COMEDY.

123. >> Eric: OH, HEY, BRIAN.

124. I LOVED YOU IN "SHOOT ME."

125. >> HEY, DUDE.

126. >> Eric: WHAT'S WITH THIS WHOLE SUIT?

127. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING "SPAGETT."

128. >> Tim: IT'S SO EMBARRASSING.

129. THIS IS STEVEN'S IDEA.

130. BASICALLY, THEY'RE GONNA C.G.I.

131. IN ALL THE HAIR STUFF, ALL THE WIG.

132. >> Eric: WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST WEAR THE NORMAL SUIT?

133. >> Tim: YOU KNOW WHAT?

134. IT'S, LIKE, KIND OF ABOVE YOUR HEAD, BUT IT'S — YOU KNOW, THE

135. FUTURE OF FILMMAKING, SO...

136. >> Eric: OKAY.

137. >> Tim: SORRY, BUDDY.

138. I GOT TO HIT THE ROAD.

139. GOOD SEEING YOU.

140. WHY DON'T YOU POP UP HERE IN THE BIG BOY'S CHAIR.

141. >> Eric: OH.

142. BRIAN, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING CARE OF ERIC FOR A LITTLE BIT?

143. I GOT TO RUN.

144. STEVE, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE SCENE WE'RE DOING...

145. >> Eric: GOOD LUCK, TIM.

146. >> Tim: WHAT?

147. >> Eric: N-NOTHING.

148. >> YOU WANT TO WATCH THE SCENE, OR...

149. >> Eric: YEAH.

150. I'D LOVE TO ACTUALLY, YEAH.

151. >> I DON'T WANT TO JUST SIT HERE AND TALK, YOU KNOW?

152. >> Eric: IT'D BE REALLY COOL TO SEE —

153. >> JUST GO AHEAD AND WATCH.

154. >> Tim: ERIC, GO BACK AND TELL THE PROFESSOR THAT WE HAVE THE

155. TREASURE.

156. >> BUT, SPAGETT, WE DON'T HAVE THE TREASURE YET!

157. >> Tim: WE WILL, ONCE I JUMP OVER THE RAVINE, SPOOK THE

158. NATIVES, AND GET THROUGH THE TEMPLE WINDOW.

159. A-SPOO-GEET!

160. >> SPAGETT!

161. >> Eric: THAT WAS GREAT.

162. >> Tim: SPAGE-E-E-E-ETT!

163. SPAGETT!

164. >> Eric: I WISH THEY WOULD'VE AT LEAST GIVEN ME AN AUDITION, YOU

165. KNOW, A SHOT AT IT.

166. >> I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU, 'CAUSE I'M NOT LISTENING.

167. SO, I DON'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

168. >> I LIKE CHILDREN...

169. AND, UH, YOU KNOW, UH, I LIKE SEX, SO I'M VERY CAPABLE TO

170. PRODUCE BIG FAMILY.

171. MAKE SURE, BEFORE YOU COME OVER, USE YOUR BATHROOM, BECAUSE I

172. DON'T HAVE ANY.

173. YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE IF YOU NEED IT.

174. WHEN I LEND YOU A DIAPER, YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK BEFORE YOU

175. LEAVE.

176. I HAVE MANY DIAPERS, MOST OF THEM CLEAN.

177. >> AND THAT, GENTLEMEN, IS HOW THE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM WORKS.

178. SO, LET'S MOVE RIGHT ALONG NOW.

179. DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT A PENIS IS?

180. WELL, I'LL DRAW IT FOR YOU.

181. AND WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE, THE PENIS BECOMES ERECT.

182. AND WHEN YOU'RE NOT, THE PENIS BECOMES FLACCID.

183. NOW, WHEN YOUR FEELINGS ARE ON THE FENCE AND YOU'RE NOT REALLY

184. SURE WHETHER YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON OR NOT, UH, THEN YOU

185. GET SOMETHING CALLED A HALF-BONER OR THE CHUBS.

186. LET ME SHOW YOU A VIDEO, AND THAT WILL HELP YOU UNDERSTAND,

187. OKAY?

188. >> Both: ♪ I'VE GOT CHUBS FOR

189. YOU ♪ ♪ BIG, FAT CHUBS FOR YOU

190. THROUGH TOWN ♪ ♪ I CAN DO IT WITH A TINY

191. MOUND ♪ >> Eric: ♪ GUESS NOBODY IN TOWN

192. WILL KNOW ♪ ♪ WE GOT THAT LUMPY, CHUBBY

193. STUMP ON THE GO ♪ >> Both: ♪ WHEN YOUR LADY

194. DOESN'T GET YOU OFF ♪ ♪ AT LEAST YOU CAN WALK AROUND

195. WITH A PACKAGE THAT'S SEMISOFT ♪ >> Eric: SOFT.

196. >> Eric: IT'S LIKE A MINI BONE.

197. >> Tim: A TINY, LITTLE TENT.

198. >> Eric: IT'S PULSIN' NOW.

199. >> Tim: WATCH IT GO TO HALF-MAST.

200. >> Eric: COME ON, GIRL.

201. >> Tim: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.

202. >> Eric: MAKE ME HARDER NOW.

203. >> AAH!

204. >> AAH!

205. >> Tim: SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.

206. HOW'S IT GOING?

207. >> Eric: HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

208. >> Tim: GOOD TO SEE YOU.

209. >> Eric: YEAH.

210. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE, MAN?

211. >> Tim: WHAT?

212. >> Eric: IT'S, LIKE, ALL BLOODY UP THERE.

213. >> Tim: OH, THIS?

214. THIS IS A SURGICAL IMPLANT.

215. STEVEN DIDN'T WANT TO DO THE GREEN SCREEN FOR THE SEQUELS —

216. KNOCK ON WOOD, CROSS FINGERS.

217. AND, UH... SO I HAD THIS THING DONE A COUPLE DAYS AGO.

218. >> Eric: SO, THAT'S JUST — IT'S PERMANENT.

219. >> Tim: PERMANENT, YEAH.

220. >> Eric: AND YOU JUST WEAR MARINARA EVERY DAY NOW?

221. >> Tim: >> Eric: WHAT IS THAT?

222. >> Tim: NO, THIS IS A INK TATTOO.

223. >> Eric: IT'S JUST IMPRESSIVE THAT YOU WOULD...

224. THAT'S...

225. I MEAN, DOES IT HURT?

226. DO YOU FEEL THAT?

227. >> NO WAY.

228. HEY, LOOK.

229. LOOK, GUYS, IT'S SPAGETT!

230. >> Tim: HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?

231. >> I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

232. HEY, COULD YOU DO ME A BIG FAVOR AND SPOOK MY KIDS FOR ME?

233. >> Tim: I'M WITH MY FRIEND, SO...

234. >> Eric: IT'S ALL RIGHT.

235. >> COME ON, PLEASE.

236. >> Tim: SPAGETT. THANK YOU.

237. >> COME ON.

238. FOR THE CAMERA.

239. JUST ONE MORE TIME, PLEASE.

240. >> Tim: I'LL GIVE YOU ONE STANDING UP.

241. >> Tim: YEAH.

242. ARE YOU FRAMED UP?

243. YOU SHOULDN'T BE SHOOTING THIS.

244. SPAGETT!

245. >> YEAH!

246. >> Tim: SPAGETT!

247. >> THAT'S IT!

248. >> Tim: A-SPOO-GETT!

249. SPAGETT!

250. >> YEAH!

251. >> Tim: SPAGETT!

252. >> YEAH!

253. >> Tim: SPAGETT!

254. >> THAT'S IT!

255. >> Tim: MM, AH, SPAGETT.

256. >> YOU'RE MAKING OUR DAY.

257. SPAGETT, YES.

258. >> Tim: I'LL GIVE YOU THREE MORE.

259. >> ONE MORE QUICK FAVOR.

260. >> Tim: YEAH.

261. >> COULD YOU TAKE PICTURE WITH THEM?

262. >> Tim: YEAH!

263. COME ON.

264. LET'S DO IT.

265. >> YEAH, YEAH.

266. >> Tim: RIGHT HERE.

267. >> GOT YOU ALL IN FRAME HERE.

268. DO YOU MIND — UM, DO YOU MIND IF YOU MOVED OUT OF THE PICTURE

269. A LITTLE BIT?

270. YOU'RE KIND OF IN THE WAY.

271. >> Eric: YEAH, SORRY.

272. >> ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, I APPRECIATE IT.

273. THANKS.

274. >> Tim: A-SPAGETT!