Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! 2x9

Directed by

Fred Armisen as K.J. Nutt • Tom Skerritt as Self • Rainn Wilson as Video Match Client • Justin Conduff as Son • Miranda May as Daughter

The Bread Heads try to get to a Bread Harrity concert. The Mayor and Roy Teppert have a disagreement.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Want me to come in or.

2. Tim and Eric

3. awesome show Tim and Eric

4. awesome show awesome.

5. Hi, kids.

6. I'm bread harrity.

7. How many of you like spaghetti-and-meatball songs?

8. You?

9. Or you?

10. All right, I got this song I'm gonna sing for you tonight.

11. My mama makes spaghetti in the morning

12. my mama makes spaghetti at night

13. oh, please, don't forget my large meatballs

14. the meatballs, the meatballs the meatballs, the meatballs

15. the meatballs, the meatballs the meatballs, the meatballs

16. the meatballs, the meatballs.

17. Mmm.

18. He looks go-o-o-o-o-o-od.

19. Yeah!

20. Oh, look at that!

21. Mmm.

22. Close your eyes, Amber.

23. Amber, look over there.

24. Bread harrity is the award-winning best-selling

25. music... uh, children's music singer who, um

26. I guess he start

27. girl, would you take that outside?

28. Everybody calls us.

29. "Breadheads" 'cause we go to all the bread harrity concerts

30. and I got all the posters and the cds.

31. It's just an unbelievable sexual journey to.

32. Watch bread perform.

33. Dear.

34. Watch the boys.

35. You want to sit on mama's lap?

36. Hon?

37. You want to sit on mommy's lap?

38. Huh?

39. You want to sit on mommy's lap?

40. You want to sit on my lap?

41. Hon?

42. You want to sit on my mommy's lap?

43. Jack left me.

44. Uh, he found videotapes of me watching bread's videos and, um,

45. trimming myself.

46. Look at this dream.

47. Him and me

48. or him and Donna... whoever gets him first.

49. My ex-husband, Jack, he was cut when he was a child down.

50. On his member, and it was pulled back and clean.

51. And bread, being a mediterranean man, his sheath remains on it.

52. And I'm just looking forward to being with a man like that and

53. pulling back that hood.

54. What's for dinner?

55. I don't care.

56. Get something out of the freezer or go out.

57. I don't feel like I should be a full-time mom, you know?

58. Because I don't, um, love my kids.

59. Get her out of my sight.

60. I need to... I'm trying to watch my bread.

61. Bread, your beard is hairy like my after a.

62. Long time with no maintenance.

63. I want to cut your beard while I show you my most private of

64. areas.

65. You will fill me when I am in the bathroom.

66. It's just, I love him so much.

67. Who took the toilet paper?

68. I'm never gonna wipe my butt.

69. He's never, never, never gonna wipe his butt

70. I'm never gonna wipe my butt.

71. He's never, never, never gonna wipe his butt

72. I don't wipe my butt

73. 'cause it's a waste of toilet tissue.

74. Right.

75. My brown, crusty stains are an environmental.

76. Issue Okay

77. I applaud you on the way that you're leading your life in that

78. regards, but I prefer to remain sanitary when it comes to my

79. rear end.

80. Holes!

81. Whoa, oh look at the holes.

82. K.j. Nutt hello,

83. all.

84. Welcome back to "hobby holes."

85. I'm k.J. Nutt, hole expert.

86. When people say to me, "k.J., you silly man.

87. There's no hole.

88. What are you doing?

89. It's a piece of paper."

90. Well, we'll see about that, won't we?

91. Fold once. Twice.

92. And look at that.

93. A perfect hole.

94. And it took me no time at all.

95. Did you know holes can be used to stand in?

96. And they can actually make you appear a bit shorter or smaller.

97. Look at this beautiful hole.

98. It's about 3 feet in circumference, 2 feet deep.

99. It's a hole naturally made.

100. Now, what I like to do is use a bit of white paint to kind of

101. Mark off... yeah... that it's yours.

102. Do your name, too, right?

103. A beautiful, natural hole... Untouched by man.

104. Announcer: It's "brule's rules" with channel 5's.

105. Dr. Steve brule.

106. Dr. Brule: I'm Dr. Steve brule for.

107. "Brule's rules."

108. What the heck are you gonna do if you're out on a-a picnic and

109. have an ice cream and then the ants crawl on the ice cream?

110. What are you gonna do?

111. You're gonna eat the ants because it's made out of

112. protein.

113. For your health!

114. Five

115. mmm.

116. Yeah.

117. Well, we've been out here for about four hours.

118. We're drinking a lot of piña coladas, and my doctor said

119. not to drink because my new birth control, and he was right.

120. It's going right through me, and I'm not just talking about pee.

121. I'm talking about One night with.

122. Bread harrity.

123. Well, firstly, I'd get ourselves drunk, get beer and everything

124. and have him... get the kids out of the trailer, and

125. and get the kids out of the

126. trailer.

127. These aren't done.

128. This is... this... I can see pink.

129. You got to turn that on.

130. I'd totally let bread go in the backdoor on the first.

131. Night.

132. If I wasn't this pregnant, I'd let him go in the.

133. Front door.

134. You consider that a hole?

135. I don't!

136. I don't think that's a hole at all.

137. Move it over.

138. Do it again.

139. It's not a grave, is it?

140. It's not... Look, it's not a hole if you're

141. not... you don't want to push

142. you don't go... that goes forward, like this.

143. And get it out of the way.

144. Huh?

145. What you looking at?

146. Not me, the hole!

147. Don't want to hear about it.

148. Don't be hasty.

149. It's a hole, not a pit.

150. I'm a gamer.

151. And, uh, I'm into massive multiplayer online gaming

152. communities.

153. If you meet me online by grub's tavern, I will show you

154. where the treasure is hidden.

155. My online alter ego is 18 feet tall and has giant wings, like

156. an angel's, but also like a demon's.

157. His name is karlore.

158. Anything.

159. And he will and has... women, devils, angels, animals.

160. You need to get with him because my penis only has a tip.

161. It's like someone glued an acorn

162. to the bottom of my torso.

163. Both: Skit-scat, scare it I want Tom skerritt

164. I need Tom skerritt I love Tom skerritt

165. I want to use the "top gun" reference.

166. Right.

167. That's what I said from the beginning.

168. On top of Tom skerritt.

169. All covered in... Talent.

170. Talent.

171. Most important thing is get the name ability out there.

172. Right.

173. T-o-m skerritt.

174. Boo! Skerritt

175. boo! Skerritt

176. boo! I want Tom skerritt.

177. Both: I don't want Brad Garrett

178. I want Tom skerritt I don't want Brad Garrett

179. I want Tom skerritt You know, if you give.

180. Some vibrato.

181. Both: I want Tom skerritt I don't want Brad Garrett.

182. Give me an urban beat.

183. Tom!

184. Skerritt whoo! Boo!

185. Got a ghost? Sker-r-r-r-r-r-r-ritt

186. boo thanks very much, guys.

187. See you again.

188. Thanks, man.

189. It was a pleasure meeting you.

190. Yeah. A pleasure.

191. You know what, though?

192. You shouldn't have come in if you thought you weren't gonna be

193. interested.

194. You didn't do a good job.

195. Oh, here we.

196. He's coming.

197. He's coming!

198. Bread!

199. Here we go!

200. Here we go now!

201. Stop!

202. Stop!

203. Bread!

204. Hot!

205. Bread, bread!

206. Hi, ladies.

207. Oh, my god.

208. I love you, bread.

209. We love you bread.

210. We're so excited to see the concert.

211. Yeah.

212. Sure.

213. Yes.

214. Now we're gonna make sweet love to you.

215. And I'm thinking it will be so hot

216. I'm gonna ride on top of you.

217. Yeah, I'm gonna show you what I've got

218. I bought some scented candle

219. spray To cover up the smell.

220. Of my junk I'm gonna shave my.

221. Crotch all day I'll even let you.

222. Jump my trunk we want to give our life to

223. you And we're ready to.

224. Leave our kids I don't want to be a.

225. Mom no more 'Cause we really want.

226. To leave our kids thank you.

227. Both: We're gonna be your love slaves.

228. We'll do anything sexually I will give the kids away

229. to my mom then we'll have more time for

230. sex every kind of kinky sex

231. we'll do anything that's on our mind

232. I'm never gonna wipe my butt

233. he's never, ever, ever gonna wipe his butt

234. I'm never gonna wipe my butt

235. he's never, ever, ever gonna wipe his butt

236. seen it before has a big butt

237. wiping your butt.

238. I don't think it's gonna.

239. Work.