1. HI. I'M PALL WILLEAUX,
FROM LAZY HORSE MATTRESS AND
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2. BEDDING SUPPLY.
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3. AND I GUARANTEE YOU'LL HIT THE
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4. HAY THE SECOND THAT YOUR HEAD
HITS THE MATTRE—
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5. MURDER ME!
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6. AAH!
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7. AAH! AAH! AAH!
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8. ♪ TIM AND ERIC
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9. BOTTOM-LINE-ORIENTED PRODUCERS.
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10. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU,
TIM.
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11. YOU PICK THE STRATEGY.
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12. WE'VE TAKEN A LOOK AT
THE MONEY WE SPEND ON OUR
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13. EMPLOYEES AND FOUND A BETTER WAY
TO APPLY THAT RESOURCE.
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14. BUSINESS IS A GAMBLE.
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15. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT IS, "HOW
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16. MUCH MONEY CAN WE SAVE?"
WE FIRED OUR FRIENDS.
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17. WE HIRED OLD MEN.
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18. WE MADE A CONSCIOUS
CHOICE TO GET RID OF THE YOUNG
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19. AND BRING IN THE OLD, CUTTING
OUR COSTS AND ADDING AN EXTRA
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20. RESOURCE...
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21. EXPERIENCE.
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22. MARKER.
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23. BOOM IN THE SHOT.
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24. BOOM UP.
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25. BOOM.
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26. BOOM.
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27. BOOM IN THE SHOT.
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28. YOU'RE STILL —
HOLD IT RIGHT HERE.
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29. OKAY, WE'RE CLEAR, WE'RE
GOOD, AND, ERIC, WHENEVER YOU'RE
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30. READY.
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31. HI.
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32. BOOM IN THE SHOT.
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33. YOU'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS
FACE.
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34. LIFT IT UP.
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35. BOOM IN THE SHOT.
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36. YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT'S BEEN
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37. CHALLENGING.
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38. I HATE THESE OLD MEN.
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39. I HATE THESE OLD MEN.
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40. I HATE THESE...
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41. OLD...
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42. MEN...
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43. OLD...
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44. BRAIN.
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45. FARGE.
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46. WOW.
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47. FARGE.
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48. WOW.
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49. FARGE.
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50. HI.
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51. FARGE.
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52. WOW.
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53. RIM.
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54. EH!
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55. AAH!
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56. HA!
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57. REGINALD.
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58. FARGE.
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59. WOW.
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60. HI.
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61. PIZZA!
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62. PIZZA PIE!
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63. DID ANYBODY ORDER A PIZZA PIE?
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64. OH, THAT'S ME.
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65. I ORDERED A LARGE PIE.
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66. WOW.
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67. LOOKS LIKE YOU HAD A NICE
WORKOUT.
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68. YOU KNOW, AFTER I WORK OUT, I
GET REALLY HUNGRY FOR SOME
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69. SAUSAGE...
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70. PIZZA.
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71. OH, YEAH!
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72. HEY, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE
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73. BREADSTICKS I ORDERED?
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74. OH, I'M SORRY.
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75. WE'RE ALL OUT OF BREADSTICKS.
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76. WELL...
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77. GUESS I'LL HAVE TO SNACK ON
THIS.
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78. OH, YEAH.
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79. THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY GOOD.
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80. [ BOING! ]
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH
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81. THIS THING?
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82. HEY, THERE ARE OTHER WAYS
BESIDES INTERCOURSE WITH A MAN'S
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83. PENIS AND A WOMAN'S VAGINA TO
SHOW YOU LOVE SOMEONE.
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84. BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
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85. WELL, LISTEN TO THIS
SONG I JUST FARTED OUT.
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86. I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT...
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87. MAYBE.
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88. HEY, IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND TRYING
TO PRESSURE TO TAKE IT TO THE
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89. NEXT LEVEL?
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90. WELL, HERE'S A HINT.
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91. NEXT TIME SHE GOES FOR A TOUCH
DOWNSTAIRS, SLAP HER HAND AND
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92. SAY, "UNH-UNH, NO TOUCH.
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93. I AIN'T NO HO-HO."
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94. SEE YOU LATER.
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95. HI.
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96. I'M NEWSCASTER JAN SKYLAR.
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97. AS PART OF CHANNEL 5's "NO SEX
WEEK," MY HUSBAND, WAYNE, AND I
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98. HERE HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE IT ONE
STEP FURTHER AND ARE ABSTAINING
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99. FROM SEX FOR A FULL YEAR.
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100. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, SWEETIE?
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101. I GUESS SO, JAN, YEAH.
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102. ACTUALLY, I'M A LITTLE
BIT RELIEVED.
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103. IT GIVES ME AN OPPORTUNITY TO
DRY OUT DOWN THERE, HMM?
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104. UH, WHAT'S THAT?
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105. OH, THIS JUST IN — LOOKS LIKE
WE HAVE SOME LIVE VIDEO FROM
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106. THIS YEAR'S "NO SEX HOT DOG"
PARADE.
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107. OH.
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108. MIKE, CAN WE GET SOME VIDEO OF
THAT HERE?
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109. MIKE?
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110. MIKE, PATCH US IN.
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111. COME ON!
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112. MIKE!
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113. SOMEONE WANT TO GET MIKE OUT OF
THE CAN?
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114. MIKE!
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115. ON YOUR FACE!
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116. UH!
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117. OOH! OOH!
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118. WHO WANTS A DOG?
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119. GIVE THEM PEOPLE ICE-COLD
HOT DOGS!
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120. YEAH! THERE YOU GO!
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121. WHOO!
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122. OHH!
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123. YEAH!
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124. AAH!
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125. THERE IS AN OLD MAN
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126. WORKING HERE NAMED RICHARD DUNN
WHO HAS PASSED AWAY.
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127. HE TAUGHT ME MANY LESSONS ABOUT
LEARNING ABOUT LIFE.
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128. JUST PUT THIS COPY SIDE
DOWN.
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129. LINE IT UP WITH THOSE TWO MARKS,
RIGHT THERE.
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130. SEE THOSE?
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131. AND THEN JUST HIT THE GREEN
"COPY" BUTTON.
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132. I-I DID WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
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133. I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED THAT
I'M SPENDING TIME TEACHING YOU
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134. THIS.
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135. ON YOUR RéSUMé, IT DID SAY YOU
COULD COPY AND FAX.
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136. UM...
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137. IT'S HARD TO TRAIN THOSE OLD
MEN.
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138. TRUST US.
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139. THESE OLD MEN HAVE
TAUGHT ME LESSONS ABOUT LIFE,
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140. AND I'M ACHIEVING THOSE GOALS.
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141. NEW YOU," WHERE WE SHOW YOU HOW
TO REJUVENATE AND REVITALIZE
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142. YOURSELF THROUGH LOTION.
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143. FIRST, I'M GONNA TRY SOME OF
THESE ON MYSELF.
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144. THIS IS A FACE CREAM, BUT LOOK
AT HOW IT GLISTENS.
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145. OH, YOUR SKIN IS
SO DRY.
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146. THAT'S WHAT MY
MOM WOULD SAY.
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147. HONEY, YOU'VE
GOT FAT HANDS.
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148. YOU HAVE GOT FAT HANDS — FAT,
GREASY HANDS.
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149. MOM...
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150. SHUT UP.
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151. SHUT UP!
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152. WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE
UP?
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153. PUT YOUR HANDS OUT.
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154. AND LOOK AT HER HANDS.
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155. UM, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL
HANDS, BUT THEY'RE ALSO A LITTLE
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156. DRY, SO WE'RE JUST GONNA RUB
SOME ON HERE.
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157. LOOK AT THAT.
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158. HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
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159. AHH, IT'S VERY SMOOTH.
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160. IT FEELS LIKE IS WHAT
IT FEELS LIKE.
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161. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.
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162. YOUR SISTER, SHE KNOWS WHAT
SHE'S DOING.
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163. SO...
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164. MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS.
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165. IT IS A TOUGH — IT'S A TOUGH
RELATIONSHIP.
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166. RIM.
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167. RIM.
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168. CRIM.
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169. OKAY, I'M ALMOST FINISHED
SETTING UP YOUR ACCOUNT,
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170. ERIC WAREHEIM, BUT I HAVE A FEW
MORE QUESTIONS FOR YOU.
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171. OKAY.
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172. DO YOU LIVE IN A HOLE OR
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173. BOAT?
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174. NEITHER.
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175. OKAY, I DIDN'T GET THAT.
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176. I THINK YOU CHOSE "BOAT."
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177. IS THAT RIGHT?
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178. NO.
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179. OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON.
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180. IS YOUR BOAT A C-CLASSED
LICENSED BOAT, OR IS YOUR BOAT
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181. USED FOR COMMERCIAL FISHING?
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182. OKAY, I THINK YOU'VE CHOSEN
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183. "COMMERCIAL FISHING."
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184. NOW I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR
BOAT'S NAME.
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185. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
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186. OKAY, I THINK YOU'VE SAID
"TAARGUS."
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187. IS THIS CORRECT?
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188. WHAT? NO!
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189. JUST TO MAKE SURE I'VE GOTTEN
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190. ALL THE INFORMATION CORRECT, I'M
GOING TO NEED...
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191. HELLO?
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192. A FEW MORE THINGS.
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193. I NEED SOME HELP.
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194. YOUR NAME IS "ERIC TAARGUS."
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195. IS THIS CORRECT?
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196. OKAY, I'LL GO AHEAD AND MAKE
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197. THAT CHANGE.
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198. GREAT. I'VE MADE THE CHANGE.
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199. YOUR WIFE'S NEW LEGAL NAME IS
"TAARGUS TAARGUS."
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200. IS THIS OKAY?
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201. NO.
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202. GREAT. WE'RE SENDING HER THE
FOLLOWING VHS TAPE.
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203. YOU'VE CHOSEN "PIZZA BOY."
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204. EXCUSE ME, MY WIFE
CAN'T GET THIS IN THE MAIL.
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205. MMM, PIZZA.
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206. AAH! WHERE'S MY SON?
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207. AAH!
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208. I'M A DEMON.
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209. IT'S IN ME!
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210. AAH!
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211. TAKE IT!
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212. MAKE IT STOP!
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213. I SEE A LOT OF THESE
OLD MEN TAKING NAPS WHILE
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214. WORKING.
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215. THE OLD MEN PROVED TO BE
CHALLENGING, BUT NO CHALLENGE IS
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216. MET WITHOUT REWARD.
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217. WE NEED TO SET SOME RULES, SOME
GROUND RULES, FOR THE WRITERS'
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218. ROOM.
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219. NO M— NO KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES.
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220. "NO KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES."
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221. NO RELIGIOUS JOKES.
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222. NOBODY USE THE WORD
"CHINAMEN" OR "ORIENTAL."
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223. RICHARD, WHAT DID YOU HAVE LAST
WEEK AT THE PITCH MEETING?
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224. YOU BROKE YOUR FINGERNAIL,
AND YOU K— YOU JUST DON'T KNOW
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225. WHAT TO DO.
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226. YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO FIX IT,
GIVE A PEDICURE OR SOMETHING.
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227. HAL, COME ON.
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228. WAIT. HOLD ON, GUYS.
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229. WHO WROTE THE — WHO
WROTE THE "PIZZA BOY" SKETCH?
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230. GUILTY.
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231. THAT WAS A-A GOOD
SKETCH.
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232. IT COULD BE HILARIOUS.
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233. IT COULD ALSO BE DISGUSTING.
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234. THAT WAS A GOOD EXAMPLE
OF A GREAT SKETCH.
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235. TRIP.
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236. REGINALD.
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237. CH— CHEE, CHEE, CHEE.
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238. CHEE.
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239. CHEE.
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240. CHEE, CHEE.
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241. CHEE.
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242. OH, YOU BETTER BELIEVE
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243. IT'S BEEN CHALLENGING.
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244. AND IT HASN'T WORKED OUT.
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245. AS BUSINESSMEN, YOU
MAKE A LOT OF CHOICES.
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246. YOU PICK ONE.
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247. SOMETIMES IT'S WRONG.
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248. ERIC AND I KNOW WHEN
WE'VE MADE A MISTAKE.
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249. TIM MAKES A LOT OF
MISTAKES.
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250. BUT THERE'S SUCCESS IN
LEARNING.
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251. I'M MAKING A PERSONAL PLEA TO
OUR CREW.
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252. PLEASE RETURN TO WORK AS SOON AS
POSSIBLE.
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253. CREW, COME BACK AND
WORK FOR US.
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254. WE'RE SORRY.
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255. THERE IS MUCH CLEANING
TO BE DONE.
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