1. CHRISTMAS EVE
SOMEWHERE IN MARYLAND
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2. - I almost gave up on you.
- Sorry. Checkout lines were worse than rush hour on the 95.
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3. If I heard "Silent Night" one more time
I was going to start taking hostages.
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4. - What are we doing here?
- Stakeout.
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5. - On Christmas Eve?
- It's an important date.
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6. - No kidding.
- Important to why we're here.
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7. Why don't you turn off your
car and I'll fill you in on the details.
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8. Mulder, I've got wrapping to do.
It's the night before Christmas.
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9. Let's hear it.
Give me the details.
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10. Look, if you've got Christmas stuff
to do I don't want to... you know...
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11. Mulder, I drove all the way out here.
I might as well know why. Right?
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12. I just thought you'd be more... curious.
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13. - Who lives in the house?
- No one.
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14. - Then who are we staking out?
- The former occupants.
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15. - They've come back?
- That's the story.
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16. I see.
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17. The dark, gothic manor the, uh, omnipresent
low fog hugging the thicket of overgrowth.
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18. Wait-- is that a hound I hear
baying out on the moors?
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19. No. Actually that was a left cheek sneak.
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20. Mulder, tell me you didn't call me out here
on Christmas Eve to go ghost busting with you.
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21. - Technically speaking they're called apparitions.
- Mulder, call it what you want.
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22. I've got holiday cheer to spread.
I've got a family roll call under the tree at 6:00 a.m.
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23. I'll make it fast.
I'll just give you the details.
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24. - Okay.
- Christmas, 1917. It was a time of dark, dark despair.
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25. American soldiers were dying at an ungodly rate
in a war-torn Europe while at home, a deadly strain...
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26. ...of the flu virus attacked young and old alike.
Tragedy was a visitor on every doorstep while a...
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27. ...creeping hopelessness set in with every man,
woman and child. It was a time of dark, dark despair.
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28. You said that.
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29. But here at 1501 Larkspur Lane for a pair of
star-crossed lovers tragedy came not...
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30. ...from war or pestilence, not by the boot heel
or the bombardier, but by their own innocent hand.
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31. - Go on.
- His name was Maurice. He was a...
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32. ...a brooding but heroic young man beloved
of Lyda, a sublime beauty with a light...
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33. ...that seemed to follow her wherever she went.
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34. They were likened to two angels descended from
heaven whom the gods could not protect from the...
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35. ...horrors being visited upon this cold, grey earth.
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36. And what happened to them?
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37. Driven by a tragic fear of separation they forged a
lovers' pact so that they might spend eternity together...
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38. - ...and not spend one precious Christmas apart.
- They killed themselves?
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39. And their ghosts haunt
this house every Christmas Eve.
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40. I just gave myself chills.
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41. It's a good story, Mulder... And very
well told but I don't believe it.
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42. You don't believe in ghosts?
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43. - That surprises you?
- Well... Yeah. I thought everybody believed in ghosts.
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44. Mulder, if it were any other night I might let you
talk me into it but the halls are decked and I got to go.
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45. - My best to the family.
- What are you doing?
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46. - Mulder, don't you have somewhere to be?
- I'm just going to take a look.
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47. I'm not going to do it.
My New Year's resolution.
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48. Mulder!
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49. - Change your mind?
- Did you take my car keys?
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50. No.
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51. - Come on, Mulder. Don't kid around.
- Why would I take your car keys?
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52. Maybe you, uh...
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53. - Maybe you grabbed them by mistake.
- Maybe it was a ghost.
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54. - Cold wind.
- There must be a window open upstairs.
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55. You know, the weather report said that there
was an 80 percent chance of rain maybe even a...
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56. ...maybe even a white Christmas.
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57. I think the spirits are among us.
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58. Mulder, will you quit trying to scare
me and help me get these doors open.
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59. Sounds like there's somebody
walking around upstairs.
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60. There. You hear that?
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61. - Mulder, I really have to go.
- There's nothing to be afraid of.
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62. - I'm not afraid, okay?
- Ghosts are benevolent entities.
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63. Mostly.
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64. You are not scaring me, Mulder.
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65. Look, I really have to get home.
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66. Mulder...
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67. What was that?
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68. These are tricks that the mind plays. They are ingrained
cliches from a thousand different horror films.
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69. When we hear a sound, we get a chill. We-we
see a shadow and we allow ourselves to imagine...
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70. ...something that an otherwise rational
person would discount out of hand.
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71. The whole... Mulder...?
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72. The whole idea of a benevolent entity
fits perfectly with what I'm saying.
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73. That a spirit would materialize or return for no other
purpose than to show itself is silly and ridiculous.
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74. I mean, what it really shows is how silly and
ridiculous we have become in believing such things.
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75. I mean, that we can ignore all natural laws
about the corporeal body that-that we...
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76. ...witness these spirits clad in-in their own shabby
outfits with the same old haircuts and hairstyles...
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77. ...never aging, never... never in search of more
comfortable surroundings, it actually ends up...
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78. ...saying more about the living
than it does about the dead.
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79. I mean, Mulder, it doesn't take an advanced
degree in psychology to understand the...
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80. ...the unconscious yearnings
that these imaginings satisfy.
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81. You know, the-the longing for immortality...
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82. ...the hope that there is something beyond this mortal coil,
that-that we might never be long without our loved ones.
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83. I mean, these are powerful, powerful desires.
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84. I mean, they're the very
essence of what make us human.
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85. The very essence of Christmas, actually.
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86. Tell me you're not afraid.
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87. All right. I'm afraid...
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88. ...but it's an irrational fear.
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89. - I got your back.
- Thank you.
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90. Mulder, did it occur to you that there aren't ghosts here
but that somebody actually might be living in this house?
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91. No one lives here.
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92. But when you and I were sitting out
in the car there was not a light on.
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93. And look at this.
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94. Must have been some kind of electrical surge.
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95. Mulder, did you happen to notice the
clock downstairs is keeping perfect time?
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96. Is it?
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97. And how do you explain that?
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98. This fire has just gone out.
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99. Yeah.
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100. Don't look so disappointed.
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101. Why would anyone want
to live in a cursed house?
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102. Mulder, it's not enough that
it's haunted? It has to be cursed?
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103. Every couple that's ever
lived here has met a tragic end.
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104. Three double murders in the last
80 years. All on Christmas Eve.
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105. Whoa... There's that sound again.
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106. Mulder?
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107. - That's not funny!
- I think there's a hiding space under the floorboards.
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108. What are you going to do?
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109. There may be somebody trapped under there.
I got to get them out.
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110. - Mulder, don't. Not now.
- Hey, you have a gun, right?
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111. Rationally, you've been in much
more dangerous situations.
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112. I was half right.
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113. Oh, my God.
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114. Hey, Scully...
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115. Look at this.
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116. It's a woman.
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117. - Mulder, it looks like they were shot to death.
- Yeah.
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118. You know what's weird?
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119. What?
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120. Mulder, she's wearing my outfit.
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121. How embarrassing.
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122. Yeah, well, you know what?
He's wearing yours.
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123. Oh... Scully...
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124. That's us.
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125. Hey, Scully...
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126. This is the same room.
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127. All right.
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128. I'm beginning to... Get this.
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129. You go through that door and I...
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130. - I should come out... This door.
- Right.
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131. - Mulder!
- Scully!
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132. Scully!
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133. Hey, Scully.
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134. Scully, can you hear me?
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135. Hey!
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136. Who are you?
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137. That's a question I should be asking
being this is my house you're standing in.
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138. This isn't one of those home invasions, is it?
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139. - No.
- Good. Would you like me to show you the door?
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140. That's very funny.
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141. - I wasn't making a joke.
- Have you looked at the door?
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142. - Uh-huh, I'm looking at it now.
- Tell me what you see.
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143. I see a door with the lock shot off it.
You going to pay for that?
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144. That's a door with a brick wall behind it.
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145. Okay, sure.
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146. You're playing tricks on me.
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147. If I am, I'm sorry but I don't know any tricks.
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148. Yeah? That's a trick in itself, isn't it?
You've been playing tricks on us since we got here.
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149. Am I to take it we're not alone?
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150. Ah, that's very funny coming from a ghost.
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151. Yeah, oh... the gun fooled me a little at first.
You're a ghost hunter, huh?
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152. And you think I'm a ghost, huh?
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153. I've seen a lot of strange folks coming
around here with a lot of strange equipment...
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154. ...but I think you must be
the first I've seen come armed.
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155. Strange folks?
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156. Like those folks under the floorboard.
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157. - How did you do that?
- I didn't do anything.
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158. There were corpses here, bodies
buried under the floorboards.
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159. Why don't you have a seat, son.
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160. - You drink? Take drugs?
- No.
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161. - Get high?
- No.
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162. Are you overcome by the impulse
to make everyone believe you?
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163. I'm in the field of mental health.
I specialize in disorders and manias...
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164. ...related to pathological behavior
as it pertains to the paranormal.
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165. Wow. I didn't know such a thing existed.
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166. My specialty is in what I call soul prospectors.
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167. A crossaxial classification I've codified by
extensive interaction with visitors like yourself.
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168. I've found you all tend to fall
into pretty much the same category.
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169. - And what category is that?
- Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.
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170. - That's a category?
- You kindly think of yourself as single-minded...
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171. ...but you're prone to obsessive
compulsiveness workaholism, antisocialism...
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172. Fertile fields for the descent
into total wacko breakdown.
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173. I don't think that pegs me exactly.
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174. Oh, really? Waving a gun
around my house? Huh?
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175. Raving like a lunatic about
some imaginary brick wall?
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176. You've probably convinced
yourself you've seen aliens.
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177. You know why you think
you see the things you do?
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178. Because I have seen them?
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179. 'Cause you're a lonely man. A lonely
man chasing paramasturbatory illusions...
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180. ...that you believe will give your life meaning
and significance and which your pathetic...
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181. ...social maladjustment makes
impossible for you to find elsewhere.
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182. You probably consider yourself passionate,
serious, misunderstood. Am I right?
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183. "Paramasturbatory"?
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184. Most people would rather stick their fingers
in a wall socket than spend a minute with you.
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185. - All right, now just, uh... Just back off for a second.
- Spend every Christmas this way... Alone?
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186. I'm not alone.
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187. - More self-delusion.
- No, I came here with my partner.
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188. - She's somewhere in the house.
- Behind a brick wall?
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189. How'd you get her to come with you?
Steal her car keys?
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190. You know why you do it.
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191. Listen endlessly to her droning rationalizations.
'Cause you're afraid. Afraid of the loneliness.
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192. Am I right?
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193. I'd just like to find my partner.
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194. Good... Easy.
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195. Piece of cake.
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196. Brick wall...
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197. Or brick wall?
Go ahead, change your life.
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198. Mulder?
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199. - No, no, please, I won't hurt you.
- I'm a federal agent! I'm armed.
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200. - You're what?
- I'm armed.
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201. - You said...
- I'm armed.
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202. - You're a federal agent?
- Please, I'm a little on edge. Don't come any closer.
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203. My name is Special Agent Dana Scully.
And, uh, I can...
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204. I can show you my I.D.
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205. My goodness, I... I thought you were a ghost.
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206. I can assure you that I'm not. I, uh,
I got stuck in this room looking for my partner.
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207. Oh, the gangly fellow with
the distinguished profile.
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208. - You've seen him?
- With you in the foyer. I thought he was a ghost, too.
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209. - That was you.
- I sleepwalk sometimes. I thought maybe I'd dreamed it.
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210. - But then here you were again.
- I am sorry... I'm sorry.
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211. I didn't mean to scare you.
I, uh... It's just that we found bodies.
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212. - Bodies... Where?
- Right...
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213. You look like you saw a ghost.
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214. There are ghosts in this house, you know.
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215. Who are you?
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216. I live here, thank you very much.
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217. Where's my partner?
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218. - Why are you pointing that gun?
- There were corpses right there underneath the floor!
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219. I think maybe the ghosts
have been playing tricks on you.
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220. I don't believe in ghosts.
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221. Then what are you doing here?
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222. It's my partner.
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223. - He believes in ghosts?
- Yeah.
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224. Oh, you poor child.
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225. You must have an awful small life.
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226. Spending your Christmas Eve with him...
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227. Running around chasing
things you don't even believe in.
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228. Don't come any closer.
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229. I can see it in your face... The fear...
The conflicted yearnings...
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230. A subconscious desire to find
fulfillment through another.
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231. - Intimacy through co-dependency.
- What?
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232. Maybe you repress the truth about why you're really
here pretending it's out of duty or loyalty, ...
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233. ...unable to admit your dirty little secret.
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234. Your only joy in life is proving him wrong.
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235. You don't know me.
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236. And you don't live here.
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237. - This isn't your house.
- You wouldn't think so, the way I'm being treated.
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238. - Well, then why is all the furniture covered?
- We're having the house painted.
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239. - Well then where's your Christmas tree?!
- We're Jewish. Boo.
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240. Hold it right there.
Don't make me shoot you.
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241. Stay where you are.
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242. We really attract them, don't we?
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243. - Where's Mulder?
- Mulder? Is that his name?
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244. - Where is he?
- He'll be along.
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245. Move over there.
Both of you, move.
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246. Move over there.
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247. Move over there!
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248. This violates our civil rights.
I have friends at the ACLU.
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249. Put your hands up.
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250. You see what we've resorted to?
Gimmicks and cheap tricks.
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251. We used to be so good at this.
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252. We used to have years to drive
them mad. Now we get one night.
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253. This pop psychology approach is crap.
All it does is annoy them.
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254. When's the last time we
actually haunted anyone?
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255. When was the last time we had a good double
murder? Not since the house was condemned.
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256. This is embarrassing... amateur kid stuff.
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257. Look, if we let our reputations slip they're
going to take us off the tourist literature.
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258. Last year no one even showed up.
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259. Of all days, why did you pick Christmas?
Why not Halloween?
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260. Now, who is filled with hopelessness
and futility on Halloween?
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261. Christmas comes but once a year.
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262. You're right.
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263. These two do seem pretty miserable.
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264. We need to show them just
how lonely Christmas can be.
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265. Now that's the old Yuletide spirit.
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266. - Are you Agent Mulder?
- Who are you, now?
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267. - What are you doing using my chair for a ladder?
- I'm trying to get out of this room.
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268. - Trying to get out?
- Excuse me.
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269. No, no. You can't get out that way.
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270. - Masher.
- Frump.
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271. I don't know who you're calling
a frump but I don't appreciate that.
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272. Being manhandled, or called names.
Certainly not at this hour.
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273. You're a ghost.
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274. Oh, more names!
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275. - What happened to the star-crossed lovers?
- Oh, let me tell you the romance is the first thing to go.
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276. It's you.
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277. You're Lyda, and that was Maurice.
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278. But you've aged.
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279. I hope your partner finds you
a lot more charming than I do.
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280. Let's see where is it.
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281. There it is.
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282. I was young and beautiful once,
just like your partner.
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283. Look at us.
Maurice was so handsome.
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284. He didn't have a gut.
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285. I hope you're not expecting
any great advantages to all this.
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286. To all what?
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287. I'm assuming you came here
with similar misconceptions.
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288. We came here looking for you.
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289. Oh, yeah? You didn't come
here to be together for eternity?
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290. No.
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291. Because you're filled with despair
and woeful Christmas melancholy?
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292. Why?
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293. - Maybe it was your partner then.
- What about her?
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294. - You knew this house was haunted.
- Yeah.
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295. Maybe you two should have discussed your
real feelings before you came out here.
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296. I'm speaking from experience.
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297. - What experience?
- I'm not going to get into semantics.
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298. - A murder-suicide is all about trust.
- I thought you had a lovers' pact.
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299. Poetic illusions aside, the outcome,
Mulder, is pretty much the same.
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300. - I don't show my hole to just anyone.
- Why are you showing it to me?
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301. It isn't like you're going to be
eating any Christmas ham, is it?
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302. Oh, you're trying to tell me
that Scully's going to shoot me.
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303. Scully is not going to shoot me.
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304. Suit yourself, but if you shoot first,
for her, the rest is an act of faith.
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305. - I wouldn't shoot her.
- Maybe she shoots herself.
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306. I wouldn't let her.
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307. The bodies under the floor...
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308. Maybe that was just some
kind of Jungian symbolism.
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309. Or maybe... there's a secret lovers' pact.
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310. We're not lovers.
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311. And this isn't a pure science.
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312. But you're both so attractive and
there'll be a lot of time to work that out.
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313. Go ahead, take it.
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314. Take it.
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315. Think of it as the last
Christmas you'll ever spend alone.
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316. I locked it.
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317. - For your protection.
- Stay away from me.
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318. Look, I want you to get me out of here.
I am quite capable of pulling this trigger.
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319. I'm glad to hear it.
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320. You may well have to defend yourself
against that crazy partner of yours.
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321. What have you done with him?!
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322. Kept him safe from his own
mad devices, at least for now.
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323. Do you have any idea why he
brought you here to this house?
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324. Look, all I know is this is just some
bad dream. This is all in my head.
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325. Yet here you are waving a
gun at me like your partner.
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326. Scully!
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327. Do you realize how seriously
disturbed that man is?
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328. How dark and lonely?
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329. - What he's capable of?
- Scully?!
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330. - Mulder!
- Want your car keys?
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331. Where did you get those?
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332. He's got nowhere to go this Christmas.
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333. No one to go with.
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334. Did he happen to mention
a story about a lovers' pact?
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335. Where did you get those keys?
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336. The man is acting out
an unconscious yearning.
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337. The deep-seated terror of being alone.
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338. - Scully... Scully, are you there?!
- I'm here, Mulder!
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339. Open the door, Scully!
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340. Open the door.
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341. I've seen it happen too
many times in this house.
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342. I don't believe you.
Just open the door.
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343. - But...
- Open the door!
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344. - Where's Scully?
- Mulder?
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345. Mulder, what are you doing?
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346. Mulder!
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347. There's no getting out of here, Scully.
There's no way home.
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348. Mulder, come on...
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349. Mulder, don't come any closer.
You're scaring me. Put the gun down!
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350. - You going to shoot me?!
- I'm not going to shoot you!
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351. - I don't want to shoot you!
- It's me or you... You or me.
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352. - One of us has to do it.
- Mulder, look... We don't have to do this.
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353. - Oh, yes, we do.
- We can get out of here.
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354. Even if we could what's waiting for us?
More loneliness!
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355. And then 365 more shopping
days till even more loneliness!
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356. I don't believe what you're saying!
Mulder, I don't believe a word of it.
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357. Merry Christmas, Scully.
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358. And a happy New Year.
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359. Let me go!
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360. - Let me go!
- Mulder!
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361. Let me go... Let me go...
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362. Let me go!
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363. Scully!
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364. Scully?
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365. Mulder... Is that you?
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366. - What did you do?
- I didn't believe it, Mulder.
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367. You didn't believe what?
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368. I didn't believe that you'd do it...
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369. That I would...
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370. Merry Christmas, Mulder.
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371. What are you doing?
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372. Scully?
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373. Scully...
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374. Ah... I'm not going to make it.
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375. No, you're not...
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376. Not without me, you're not.
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377. Are you afraid, Mulder?
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378. I am.
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379. I am, too.
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380. You should have thought of this.
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381. - You should have.
- You shot me first!
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382. I didn't shoot you. You shot me.
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383. Scully...
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384. What?
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385. Get up.
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386. - I can't.
- Get up... You're not shot.
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387. What?
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388. Come on. It's a trick.
It's all in your head.
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389. You hear that?
It's Christmas.
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390. One for the books.
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391. We almost had those two, didn't we?
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392. Almost had them.
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393. - Two such lonely souls.
- We can't let our failures haunt us.
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394. You wonder what they were
really out here looking for.
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395. Hard to say. People now...
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396. This is just another joyless day of the year.
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397. - Not for us.
- No.
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398. We haven't forgotten
the meaning of Christmas.
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399. I don't deserve to be so happy.
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400. I can't help it.
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401. I just can't help it.
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402. Scrooge was better than his word. He
became as good a friend, as good a master and...
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403. ...as good a man as the good old city ever knew...
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404. ...or any other good old city, town or borough
in the good old world. And to Tiny Tim...
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405. I, uh...
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406. I couldn't sleep. I was, um...
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407. - Can I come in?
- Yeah.
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408. Aren't you supposed to be opening
Christmas gifts with your family?
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409. Mulder...
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410. None of that really happened out there tonight...
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411. That was all in our heads, right?
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412. I-it must have been.
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413. Not that, uh, my only joy
in life is proving you wrong.
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414. When have you proven me wrong?
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415. Well... Why else would you
want me out there with you?
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416. You didn't want to be there?
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417. Oh, that's, um...
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418. That's self-righteous and...
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419. - Narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?
- No, I mean...
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420. Maybe I did want to be out there with you.
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421. Now, um...
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422. I know we said that we weren't
going to exchange gifts but, uh...
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423. I got you... a little something.
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424. Mulder...
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425. Merry Christmas.
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426. Well, I got you a little something, too.
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