1. Ah, I love going through Mom
and Dad's past when I'm bored.Copy !req
2. We always find
a new chink in the armor.Copy !req
3. Dude!Copy !req
4. That's Mom's old diary.Copy !req
5. "Today, I spent all my money
on new pompomsCopy !req
6. because I'm a big boy...Copy !req
7. and I want to go
to the try-outsCopy !req
8. even if my mom says that—"Copy !req
9. "Cheerleading is
for big people,Copy !req
10. not kids whose feet
don't get wet in their shower."Copy !req
11. Yes, this diary is mine.Copy !req
12. Mr. Dad,
did you actually make the team?Copy !req
13. - Richie, stop.Copy !req
14. It's gonna be like that time
you tried horse riding.Copy !req
15. But it was a small accident.Copy !req
16. Just a pulled
muscle in the lower back.Copy !req
17. Of the horse.Copy !req
18. But I want to be
like that, Mama.Copy !req
19. A flyer.Copy !req
20. It's my dream.Copy !req
21. Ah, don't dream too big, baby.Copy !req
22. Success doesn't run
in the Watterson family.Copy !req
23. Cholesterol, on the other hand.Copy !req
24. I didn't even bother
trying to make the team,Copy !req
25. because Mama taught me
an important lesson that day.Copy !req
26. "Dreams are impossibleCopy !req
27. and desires are pointless."Copy !req
28. Um, Mr. Dad, listen.Copy !req
29. Sometimes the key
to your dreamsCopy !req
30. is looking inside yourself.Copy !req
31. Yeah, that's gonna be a big...Copy !req
32. "No!"Copy !req
33. Huh, what the... What was that?Copy !req
34. Intergenerational travel.Copy !req
35. And what the word
does that mean?Copy !req
36. It means the bad that happened
to the peopleCopy !req
37. before we were born
being dumped onto us.Copy !req
38. From our parents all the way
to our furthest ancestors.Copy !req
39. Dreams are stupid.Copy !req
40. Girls can't do that.Copy !req
41. Yeah, only boys
are intelligent enoughCopy !req
42. to invent genius things
like plastic, honey.Copy !req
43. I love the smell
of asbestos in the morning.Copy !req
44. Fender is not an option.Copy !req
45. Huh, so like, the reason
Mom always screamsCopy !req
46. like an electrocuted goat
is because of her mother?Copy !req
47. I don't always scream like my—Copy !req
48. Are you sure that's what it is?Copy !req
49. Yes, and I'll prove it.Copy !req
50. Say "I'm worthy," Dad.Copy !req
51. Hm, I'm...Copy !req
52. Not!Copy !req
53. Is there a cure?Copy !req
54. Yes, self-worth.Copy !req
55. This middle-aged slob must join
the school cheerleader teamCopy !req
56. and feel good about himself.Copy !req
57. Wait, aren't
the try-outs tomorrow?Copy !req
58. Yeah!Copy !req
59. Found my sandwich.Copy !req
60. Ah!Copy !req
61. One, two, three, four!Copy !req
62. Don't listen to
your mother anymore.Copy !req
63. Five, six, seven, eight! Hoo!Copy !req
64. I was right to deprecate!Copy !req
65. Go, Dad!Copy !req
66. How is this supposed to help me
become a cheerleader?Copy !req
67. C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E!Copy !req
68. We're making you do stuff
she forbid in your diary.Copy !req
69. And you need exercise
for your clogged-up arteries.Copy !req
70. Do you want to become
a cheerleader, baby.Copy !req
71. - Whoo!Copy !req
72. 'Scusy!Copy !req
73. There you go.Copy !req
74. Confidence!Copy !req
75. Confidence!Copy !req
76. Confidence!Copy !req
77. - Confidence!Copy !req
78. Be aggressive!Copy !req
79. B-E aggressive! Ho!Copy !req
80. Be aggressive!Copy !req
81. B-E aggressive! Ho!Copy !req
82. Be assertive!Copy !req
83. B-E assertive!Copy !req
84. Ho! Be—Copy !req
85. Ah!Copy !req
86. Humpty Awty misses sleep.Copy !req
87. Trust yourself
and take the leap!Copy !req
88. - Huh!Copy !req
89. I kind of expecting
the bridge to—Copy !req
90. Ow!Copy !req
91. Oh!Copy !req
92. Woo-hoo! Woo!Copy !req
93. Woo! Woo-hoo!Copy !req
94. - Woo! Yeah!Copy !req
95. This isn't working at all.Copy !req
96. Those demons from the past
won't die easy.Copy !req
97. Then they'll have to die hard.Copy !req
98. Yeah, no.Copy !req
99. Worth the shot, I guess.Copy !req
100. Come on, Dad. Say
you're gonna kill it tomorrow.Copy !req
101. I'm gonna fly like...Copy !req
102. a stove.Copy !req
103. Oh, stop putting yourself down.Copy !req
104. You're gonna do great, honey.Copy !req
105. I'm trying, but it feels likeCopy !req
106. a ball and chain
attached to the...Copy !req
107. That sometimes you get
so used to thinkingCopy !req
108. that you're not enoughCopy !req
109. that you just...Copy !req
110. Can't even finish
your sentence?Copy !req
111. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
112. Why are you
doing all this for me?Copy !req
113. Because we love you, Mr. Dad.Copy !req
114. Aw!
- Hm.Copy !req
115. We're all so low-key terrified
to turn out the way he grew up.Copy !req
116. The problem is
he's the only oneCopy !req
117. who could give
that confidence to himself.Copy !req
118. How can you give something
you don't have?Copy !req
119. I think it's time
we put the "con" in confidence.Copy !req
120. Are you anxious about
the tryouts tomorrow?Copy !req
121. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
122. Well, I've got something
that might help.Copy !req
123. But it's a secret.Copy !req
124. Is it a magic placebo?
Because I'm a 30-year-old man.Copy !req
125. I stopped believing in magic
two and a half years ago.Copy !req
126. It's not magic.Copy !req
127. It's...Copy !req
128. The shrunken head
of the first everCopy !req
129. ancient cheerleader,Copy !req
130. Alexandria Cheerleader.Copy !req
131. I came up with the name.Copy !req
132. Just one kiss of her lips,
and you will flyCopy !req
133. like a jacked up pterodactyl
on Tiger Juice.Copy !req
134. Whoa!Copy !req
135. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
136. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
137. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Yeah, it uh...Copy !req
138. It also helps you go to sleep.Copy !req
139. Oh, okay.Copy !req
140. - Oh!Copy !req
141. Mr. Small, that was amazing.Copy !req
142. This is Elmore Junior High
cheer squad.Copy !req
143. We're looking for strength,
determination,Copy !req
144. and smiles wider than
a dance floor at a funeral.Copy !req
145. Not these amateur dramatics.Copy !req
146. Great job, kids. Remember,
winning isn't everything.Copy !req
147. We're now callingCopy !req
148. the young Richard Watterson
to the central stage next.Copy !req
149. Hmm.Copy !req
150. - Hm.Copy !req
151. Ah!Copy !req
152. - Start the music.Copy !req
153. Hey!Copy !req
154. Uh, we're here
to assist the, uh...Copy !req
155. - the young flier.Copy !req
156. If it helps end whatever
that was, then go for it.Copy !req
157. Dad, Dad, remember the routine?Copy !req
158. - Come on!
- Oh, oh yeah!Copy !req
159. Woo!Copy !req
160. Yeah!Copy !req
161. Mom?Copy !req
162. Mom, what are you doing here?Copy !req
163. Richie, I'm retired.Copy !req
164. I ain't got nothing to do.Copy !req
165. So I walk around and waltz into
whatever open public event.Copy !req
166. Graduation ceremonies, trials,
cookouts in the park.Copy !req
167. I like sports tryouts the most.Copy !req
168. For some reason,
seeing others fail miserablyCopy !req
169. makes me feel better
about my own mistakes.Copy !req
170. Hey, come on, Dad.Copy !req
171. Keep your head up.Copy !req
172. Remember our secret?Copy !req
173. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
174. Mom, I don't need your support.Copy !req
175. Because now I have...Copy !req
176. Alexandria Cheerleader.Copy !req
177. Richard, that's a tennis ball
with googly eyes stuck to it.Copy !req
178. No, Dad, don't listen to her.Copy !req
179. Richard! When
you're feeling a little blue,Copy !req
180. remember that
we all believe in you.Copy !req
181. Richard!Copy !req
182. When you're feeling
a little blue,Copy !req
183. - remember that...Copy !req
184. we all believe in you.Copy !req
185. So go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
186. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
187. - Go, go, go!Copy !req
188. Go!Copy !req
189. Oh, wow!Copy !req
190. That's my Richard.Copy !req
191. No!Copy !req
192. That's our Richard.Copy !req
193. Well, dude, I think
we're suffering some trauma,Copy !req
194. but at least
it's not intergenerational.Copy !req
195. Give me an E, give me an R.Copy !req