1. All right, all right!Copy !req
2. Settle down
for your pop quiz now.Copy !req
3. - Uh, what is that?
Budget cuts.Copy !req
4. We also can't afford
the full alphabet anymore.Copy !req
5. So try and avoid
the letters G and T.Copy !req
6. Man, this school is ridiculous.Copy !req
7. How am I supposed to do math
after you sold our calculators?Copy !req
8. Ridgewood High's students
got laptops, you know.Copy !req
9. I'm well aware
the school needs laptops,Copy !req
10. but we decided that the moneyCopy !req
11. would be better spent
on toilet paper.Copy !req
12. So I suggest you use
your immaculate handsCopy !req
13. to count, Watterson.Copy !req
14. Well, I hope
the answer is eight.Copy !req
15. How about your brain?Copy !req
16. I'm sure it would like
to feel useful once in a while.Copy !req
17. Uh, just use your phone.Copy !req
18. No! Watterson,
do you want to grow upCopy !req
19. into a meaningless parasite
that begs for free stuffCopy !req
20. because he has no skill
or knowledge to offer society?Copy !req
21. Because this is how
you become an influencer.Copy !req
22. Huh-uh.Copy !req
23. Ah, man.Copy !req
24. - All right!Copy !req
25. See you all after lunch.Copy !req
26. Wait, my phone!Copy !req
27. Wait! Ms. Simian!Copy !req
28. Hey! Miss Simian!Copy !req
29. Ohhh!Copy !req
30. She's stealing.Copy !req
31. This is why the school
is even more brokeCopy !req
32. than the vending machine.Copy !req
33. Hey, this machine
swallowed my changeCopy !req
34. and didn't give me my—Copy !req
35. Ohh.Copy !req
36. Wait. My phone.Copy !req
37. She stole my phone too!Copy !req
38. Hey!Copy !req
39. - Out the way!
- Wait a minute!Copy !req
40. What were you trying
to do, Watterson?Copy !req
41. I saw you...Copy !req
42. I saw, uh... I saw everything
you do for us,Copy !req
43. and, and uh... it inspired me.Copy !req
44. I wanna be a teacher,
you know, easy work hours,Copy !req
45. long vacations... heh.Copy !req
46. Ah!Copy !req
47. Well, I don't have time
to drive you back,Copy !req
48. so you're stuck with meCopy !req
49. while I deal
with a couple of things.Copy !req
50. But it should give you an ideaCopy !req
51. of the reality
of a teacher's life.Copy !req
52. You see, in truth,
what I do is take care of—Copy !req
53. That treacherous punk!Copy !req
54. Salvatore!
Where is my stuff?Copy !req
55. I don't know!
A guy stole it!Copy !req
56. - What guy?
- I don't know his name!Copy !req
57. Elmore police.Copy !req
58. Uh, yeah. Police.
I need immediate assistance.Copy !req
59. I got like, uh,
10-48 or whatever.Copy !req
60. You've got... worms?Copy !req
61. What the...
No, I'm held hostageCopy !req
62. by a dangerous individualCopy !req
63. and she's already committed
every crime in the book,Copy !req
64. you're gonna have to
come up with new ones!Copy !req
65. Roger that. Stay on the line.Copy !req
66. Can you describe the perp?Copy !req
67. Uh, female, long black beard,
long dress...Copy !req
68. the top of her head
kind of looks like Mount Fuji.Copy !req
69. Around five foot six...
Uh, I mean, five foot five.Copy !req
70. Wait. Five foot four...
Four foot five?Copy !req
71. Stay on the line,
we're tracking your phone.Copy !req
72. Huh? Oh.Copy !req
73. You rip me off again,
Salvatore,Copy !req
74. and the next print you leaveCopy !req
75. will be your obituary
in the papers.Copy !req
76. I told you! Some big, ugly guy
with a mullet stole it!Copy !req
77. Track suit, rough voice
built like a fridge...Copy !req
78. You know the type.Copy !req
79. What I know as a teacherCopy !req
80. is that the first report
you ever gotCopy !req
81. was from the police
instead of the school.Copy !req
82. Okay, where were we?Copy !req
83. Ah, yes, a teacher's jobCopy !req
84. is to take care of young minds
and change the worldCopy !req
85. one child at a time.Copy !req
86. I'm going to the pawn shop
to check if this other guyCopy !req
87. sold my stuff for a quick buck.Copy !req
88. But just in case
I need to sweeten the deal.Copy !req
89. Watterson, you take good care
of our friend back there.Copy !req
90. Hey! Let me out!Copy !req
91. Okay, uh, are you comfortable?Copy !req
92. Would you like
some music? Heh.Copy !req
93. Here, um,
let me take care of you.Copy !req
94. There you go.Copy !req
95. - Have a little mint maybe?
- What the...Copy !req
96. What are you doing, man?Copy !req
97. She said, take good care of you
and I'm more terrified of her!Copy !req
98. So can you please relax
and let me massage your feet?Copy !req
99. - Aggh! Get off!
- Yeah, thanks. Now relax...Copy !req
100. - and let me... Come on!
- Get... Get off me!Copy !req
101. He didn't have it.Copy !req
102. It's lunchtime and I get cranky
when I'm hungry, Sal.Copy !req
103. I'm gonna have to use
less humane methods on you now.Copy !req
104. What's the matter with him?Copy !req
105. You'll understand
when you have kids.Copy !req
106. What?Copy !req
107. There! He's there!Copy !req
108. Where? Which car is it?Copy !req
109. I lost it, but it was
the same guy, I swearCopy !req
110. Aah!Copy !req
111. Ha, Russo.Copy !req
112. I should have known.Copy !req
113. - Who?
- Ahh!Copy !req
114. She's a teacher at my school.Copy !req
115. What did she teach? Nightmares?Copy !req
116. And pain.
But I think she wasCopy !req
117. technically hired
as a gym teacher.Copy !req
118. Hey, Russo! Don't you knowCopy !req
119. it's wrong to steal
school supplies?Copy !req
120. We're not
on school ground, Lucy.Copy !req
121. Sorry, but we all gotta doCopy !req
122. what we gotta do
to make ends meet!Copy !req
123. Salvatore. Get the bag.Copy !req
124. That's gonna be
a no, thank you.Copy !req
125. All right. Waterson,
you grab the bag.Copy !req
126. Get... the bag!Copy !req
127. Um... okay.Copy !req
128. Ah! Oh.Copy !req
129. - Huh?Copy !req
130. Aaah!Copy !req
131. Well, at least
she stuck the landing.Copy !req
132. Yes!Copy !req
133. We've gone this far.Copy !req
134. We might as well
go all the way.Copy !req
135. What do you say, Watterson?Copy !req
136. No, it's okay.Copy !req
137. The police are tracking us.Copy !req
138. She's going down
like a lead baboon.Copy !req
139. But of course, let's go.Copy !req
140. I can't wait.Copy !req
141. All right,
would you like to come inside?Copy !req
142. Yes, of course.Copy !req
143. Let's go inside.Copy !req
144. The target
has stopped moving, sir.Copy !req
145. Okay. Okay. Everybody,
move, move, move, move.Copy !req
146. Oh, man, I've gotta
do something. All right...Copy !req
147. Stop! Ow!
- You really thoughtCopy !req
148. it'd be that easy
to get rid of me, huh?Copy !req
149. Let's drag the key witness
down into some dankCopy !req
150. troglodyte hole and push him
down a shaft or something. Huh?Copy !req
151. Huh? What the...Copy !req
152. Okay, so, first of all,
this is my house.Copy !req
153. So can you put that twig
back on my bed, please?Copy !req
154. And that's called a stalagmiteCopy !req
155. just before you accuse me
of some sort of crimeCopy !req
156. against hygiene as well.Copy !req
157. I didn't bring you here
to end your life, Watterson.Copy !req
158. Well, what is that stuff
you stole for then?Copy !req
159. Oh, this? It's a primeval flute
that was given to meCopy !req
160. as a prize in 10th grade
for inventing fire.Copy !req
161. I tried selling it
at the pawn shop.Copy !req
162. I don't know why Larry
didn't think it wouldn't sell.Copy !req
163. What the...Copy !req
164. What is going on here?Copy !req
165. The school funding
is shrinking every year,Copy !req
166. so teachers have to hustle.Copy !req
167. I sold the calculatorsCopy !req
168. to buy charging cables
from Sal,Copy !req
169. but then Russo stole themCopy !req
170. because her PE classCopy !req
171. desperately needed
skipping ropes and, uh...Copy !req
172. Oh, it doesn't matter
because...Copy !req
173. - Ta-da!Copy !req
174. Wait, how'd you get those?Copy !req
175. I actually had to use
my own money to buy them.Copy !req
176. - Huh? Oh.
Ms. Simian...Copy !req
177. So this is why
you live in a gross holeCopy !req
178. with fossilized doo-doo
on the floor...Copy !req
179. Wait. So where did all
the school money go then?Copy !req
180. All that matters to me is thatCopy !req
181. no student of mine
will be left behind.Copy !req
182. And that is what the lifeCopy !req
183. of a teacher is all about,
Watterson.Copy !req
184. Oh, no, no. The police!Copy !req
185. They're coming for you!Copy !req
186. I called them on you
and hid the phone in your carCopy !req
187. so they could track us.Copy !req
188. Wait... it's not there?Copy !req
189. Ah, I wouldn't worry too much,
Watterson.Copy !req
190. I taught most
of the police force of Elmore.Copy !req
191. I taught Salvatore too,
you know. Knowing him,Copy !req
192. he's probably the one
who stole your phone.Copy !req
193. Wait. What is this? Hello?Copy !req
194. We're out of ammo, sir.Copy !req
195. Then send the robot dogs!Copy !req
196. Wait... no,
I didn't mean, like, literally!Copy !req
197. Huh? I guess that's where
all the school money went...Copy !req
198. up in smoke.Copy !req
199. Most of those cops cheated
on their test too, you know.Copy !req
200. I think you could make
a good teacher, Watterson.Copy !req
201. You'll get no respect,
no support,Copy !req
202. no money, no life,
and no love, but...Copy !req
203. Huh?Copy !req
204. Wait!Copy !req
205. I was gonna talk aboutCopy !req
206. how it's the most beautiful job
in the worldCopy !req
207. because you shape
the future and stuff.Copy !req
208. No, thank you.
Bye!Copy !req