The Whitest Kids U' Know 2x6

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Forest Whitaker Manatee Finger Bang Office Head Explosion Period Sketch Ninja School Our Label Is Run By Homos

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - What's up, man? - Hey.

2. - Oh, my God. - How you doin'?

3. Oh, my God, hey.

4. - Hey. - How are you?

5. Good, good, can't complain.

6. This is crazy.

7. I'm sorry, this is nuts.

8. I just watched "Blown Away" this week,

9. so I'm like...

10. Okay, did you like it?

11. Yeah, no, I did.

12. I thought it was really well done and everything.

13. I thought it was cool, yeah, yeah.

14. Good.

15. You were awesome.

16. - I mean. - What?

17. I said you were awesome.

18. Cool, what?

19. I'm sorry, I'll bet you get that all the time.

20. I'll be quiet, sorry.

21. No, I don't, what the— what are you talking about?

22. What?

23. Look, whatever, man.

24. Are you gonna go to Carol's later tonight?

25. You know Carol?

26. How do you know Carol?

27. - I'm going to her like— - What the fuck is your problem?

28. I dated Carol for two years, man.

29. I'm Zach, yeah, I know Carol.

30. Oh, oh, my God.

31. - What is wrong with you? - Oh, my God.

32. Oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm sorry.

33. I'm sorry, I thought you were Forest Whitaker.

34. I'm sorry.

35. What?

36. You know the actor Forest Whitaker?

37. Yeah, I know who Forest Whitaker is.

38. See, he was in "Blown Away."

39. I know he was in "Blown Away."

40. So I'm sorry.

41. I shouldn't have thought you were Forest Whitaker.

42. No, you shouldn't have thought I was Forest Whitaker.

43. I'm not even black.

44. Yeah, I shouldn't have thought you were Forest Whitaker

45. 'cause I just came back from the doctor's office

46. and he just told me that I have this disease

47. where I think that everybody's Forest Whitaker.

48. I'm so stupid, I don't know.

49. You just came from the doctor just now,

50. and yet you still thought I might be him?

51. Yeah, well, I thought the odds were crazy,

52. but, I don't know, I just thought—

53. What's up, guys?

54. Hey, oh, my God.

55. You guys goin' to Carol's?

56. Busted.

57. Did you hear us?

58. We were just talking about you.

59. See, my friend and I had this little confusion—

60. Oh, my God, what the?

61. Is this some kind of weird cloning thing?

62. Okay, get it together.

63. You just came back from the doctor

64. and he said you have a disease

65. where you think everybody's Forest Whitaker.

66. So that means...

67. you're not the real Forest Whitaker.

68. Do that thing where you grab

69. the tip of your penis really hard.

70. Okay, King.

71. No, no, no, no, begone, court jester.

72. Not even your tomfoolery could turn this frown upside down.

73. My liege, what is the problem?

74. What wind could calm your restless soul?

75. You have every earthly desire at your fingertips.

76. You have the finest drink and entertainment in the land,

77. and yet you are morose.

78. I am morose!

79. I long for the touch of a maiden.

80. We have maidens by the score

81. that would tend to your every desire.

82. No, no, no, I long for the touch of a maiden of the sea.

83. For ages I've sent my finest fleets

84. to the end of the seven oceans,

85. and yet every spring they return to me empty-handed.

86. Your Highness, perhaps the tales

87. of these merwomen have been exaggerated

88. and the sailors who have seen them

89. have been deceived by their own eye.

90. Nonsense.

91. Who is this man?

92. That man is Captain Maximillian Crunch

93. of the Ottoman Empire.

94. Our cursed enemies.

95. Yes, but also the greatest sailor known to man or wolf.

96. I come with a gift.

97. A peace offering between our two nations.

98. I have seen this mermaid.

99. Captain Crunch, you've seen one of the mythical merwomen?

100. Not only have I seen this mermaid,

101. but I've brought one here today.

102. You toy with me!

103. I do not.

104. My land offers her to you.

105. I present Ariel of the Sea.

106. Oh, my God.

107. She is gorgeous!

108. Her eyes shimmer like the seas,

109. her hair flows like the oceans,

110. and her breasts swell like the ocean.

111. Uh. Your Highness, I think that's a manatee.

112. Silence.

113. Do not offend the most beautiful creature I have ever seen,

114. that will one day be my queen.

115. No, I'm being serious, I think that's an actual manatee.

116. They just put a wig on it.

117. - Begads,

118. there are barnacles stuck on her.

119. Yeah, probably because she's a manatee.

120. Manatees get barnacles stuck to 'em.

121. Ah, she's been assaulted.

122. A scar runs the length of her body.

123. Probably from a motorboat.

124. Manatees tend to get hit by motorboats.

125. Fear not, fair Ariel, for my nation

126. will offer you protection for millennia.

127. Nigh, tri-lennia.

128. I've dreamed of meeting one of these mythical merwomen,

129. for my body to merge with hers as one

130. so that we might usher forth a new generation

131. of sea-land-men that might one day inherit the world.

132. Ariel, will you be my bride and welcome my advances?

133. Joyous, let us commence here on the floor.

134. Your Highness, please stop.

135. I think the Ottomans are playing a trick on you.

136. Let him do it.

137. Ariel, may I begin by touching you sexually?

138. Your Highness, I beg you.

139. Please do not finger bang that manatee.

140. Silence, the king needs privacy.

141. Your Highness, look, look.

142. He's got a camera, he's taking pictures.

143. Hey, guys, look, Trumeter fell asleep at his desk.

144. - What an asshole.

145. We should totally mess with him.

146. Yeah.

147. We should throw his computer down this stairs.

148. No, we should punch him in the face.

149. Hey, you know what we should do

150. is we should use a book idea.

151. We should hit him in the nuts with a book.

152. No, no, no, no, I read in a book

153. that if you whisper suggestions to people while they sleep,

154. you can affect their dreams.

155. - Whoa, can we make him gay? - Yeah.

156. No, no, no, but you can do

157. all kinds of crazy stuff to him in his dreams.

158. Oh, can we make him gay in his dreams?

159. No, dude.

160. Can we hit him in the nuts in his dreams?

161. No, guys, watch me, here we go.

162. All right, Trumeter, it's your first day of skydiving

163. and you're up next to jump outta the plane.

164. Here we go, you're gonna jump in three.

165. One, two, three, you're outta the plane, you're falling.

166. Oh, it's so beautiful.

167. This is the most fantastic experience you've ever had.

168. You feel the wind in your hair, right?

169. It's great, now get ready to pull your chute.

170. Here we go, you're gonna pull the cord in three.

171. One, two, three.

172. Oh no, it didn't work, your chute didn't open.

173. You keep falling and falling, you're so scared.

174. You're so scared that you start to pee your pants.

175. You start peein' your pants.

176. You just keep peein' and peein' and fallin' and fallin'.

177. There's some other dude falling beside you

178. and he's super hot.

179. No, dude, come on.

180. You're fallin' and peein' and fallin'.

181. Oh no, Darren, here comes the ground.

182. What are you gonna do?

183. You're gonna hit it, oh, no, oh, no!

184. Three, two, one, splat!

185. His head exploded.

186. Scatter.

187. We made his head blow up.

188. Did anyone see us?

189. Do you know what this means?

190. They're gonna suspend us with no pay.

191. No, this means we can physically

192. affect objects in the real world

193. by manipulating people's dreams.

194. They're not gonna let us have lunch in the office anymore.

195. Shut up, I've got an idea.

196. How long do you think it'll take ya to pass out?

197. Not long.

198. Here, let me press on your neck.

199. Okay.

200. - All right. - Okay, he's out.

201. Sam, you're outside of a bank.

202. You walk towards it, you go inside—

203. - You're gay. - Shut up.

204. You go into the vault, you grab two big bags

205. full of million-dollar bills

206. and you come back to the office where you hide them

207. in the file cabinet next to the microwave.

208. It just does that, it just does that.

209. - Scatter. - Yeah.

210. No one can know that we have this power.

211. I know.

212. I'm serious, don't tell anybody about this.

213. I won't, I don't wanna have to eat in the cafeteria.

214. Okay, so mum's the word.

215. Honey, I'm home.

216. I had a weird day.

217. She was sleeping, good.

218. So was the kid.

219. Why does everybody go to bed so early in this house?

220. So you see, as soon as the Mayflower arrived,

221. the Indians immediately attacked the boats saying,

222. "You gotta fight us or we'll go back to Europe

223. and rape all your babies."

224. Hello, Margaret.

225. Who are you?

226. I am the Fairy of Womanhood.

227. Oh, no.

228. That's right, today's your special day.

229. You mean?

230. Yes, today's the day I turn on your womb.

231. Not now, I'm in the middle of social studies.

232. Oh, Margaret, womanhood waits for no one.

233. Now spread those legs 'cause here we go.

234. Wait, no, stop.

235. Margaret, do you have a problem

236. with our forefathers' treatment of the savages?

237. - No. - Good.

238. All right, now these godless assholes had the nerve—

239. All right, let's clear out those cobwebs

240. and fire up those ovaries.

241. Listen, Fairy, I don't wanna become a woman

242. here in the middle of class.

243. Could we at least wait 'til I get home?

244. Oh, Margaret, there's nothing to be nervous about.

245. The shedding of one's uterine lining is a symbolic

246. transition from childhood to adulthood.

247. Nothing could be more natural.

248. - Now, here I go. - Wait, no.

249. Margaret, that wasn't very nice.

250. Now spread those legs and accept your fate.

251. No, you'll never get me, never.

252. What's happening to me?

253. What? Oh my God.

254. It's not going to be that bad.

255. Now stop making me angry.

256. You'll never get me, never.

257. Margaret, what's going on around here?

258. Who are you?

259. I'm Rationality.

260. - Rationality? - That's right, Margaret.

261. And don't you think it's a little pointless to try

262. and avoid an inevitable part of growing up?

263. Yeah, I guess so.

264. Every woman has to menstruate, it's a part of life.

265. And besides, there are plenty of cool things

266. to come along with growing up, like wearing makeup,

267. driving cars, or getting dick.

268. I suppose.

269. Don't fight mother nature, just relax and bleed.

270. Okay.

271. Thank you, Rationality.

272. Goodbye, Margaret, goodbye.

273. Goodbye, Rationality, will I ever see you again?

274. I'm afraid not, you can't have both.

275. Goodbye, goodbye, Rationality, goodbye.

276. Goodbye, Rationality, goodbye.

277. Goodbye, Rationality, goodbye.

278. Well, I see no one showed up

279. for the first day of ninja school.

280. Or did they?

281. Holy shit.