The Whitest Kids U' Know 1x2

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Rock and Roll Indiana Jones Let's Wake Up the Neighbors Movie Pitching Guy Abdell Drums Polite War Burglar Whip Boy Brothers In Arms Classroom

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1. And now, Indiana Jones

2. at a rock and roll memorabilia auction.

3. The next item up for bidding is this guitar.

4. This is Peter Frampton's guitar.

5. It's the very famous guitar which spoke the words,

6. "Do you feel like I do?"

7. Can I start the bidding at 6,000 dollars?

8. That guitar belongs to Peter Frampton.

9. Peter Frampton is dead

10. and so are all of his grandchildren!

11. Then it belongs in a museum.

12. Dr. Jones, sit down!

13. All right, so coming up this fall,

14. we got a big push for some of our drama films.

15. And as a studio, we are really looking

16. for the River's Crest to be our main Oscar contender.

17. I like that.

18. I like the River's Crest.

19. I wanna say one quick thing, if I may.

20. I would love it if we could push

21. The Current of the Stream for best actress.

22. Good, you guys are all here. You guys are the main guys.

23. I wanna pitch some movies to you guys real quick.

24. I have some great movies I wanna pitch to you guys.

25. You guys are the heads of the studios. That's good.

26. - Wait, whoa, whoa. Who are you? - My name's Scott.

27. I just started working here at the studio today

28. and I have some really good movie ideas—

29. Scott. Scott, Scott, where do you work here?

30. In the mail room. But I have some really good movies.

31. - I wanna do this movie— - A movie idea.

32. Sorry, Scott, that's not how we do this.

33. No, no, just listen. I wanna do this movie where this guy,

34. he like breaks into the White House

35. and he's going around and he's stealing everything.

36. He's a big bag and he's taking everything off the desk

37. and putting it in the bag and he goes in the Oval Office

38. and he's taking like ashtrays and lamps

39. and he's putting it in the bag and everything.

40. Then all of a sudden the Secret Service bursts in,

41. they're like, "Freeze, get down on the ground.

42. You're under arrest for stealing from

43. the President of the United States of America."

44. And then the guy just pulls off his mask and he's like,

45. "I am the President of the United States of America."

46. And they're like, "Oh, snap." And he's like, "You're fired."

47. You're in a lot of trouble, now, Scott.

48. - Yeah, a whole lot of trouble. - Wait, wait, no, no.

49. I have another movie I wanna do where these guys,

50. they have to go back in time to fight the dinosaurs

51. 'cause that's the only way they can get the antidote.

52. So they go back in time to fight the dinosaurs and

53. they shoot the dinosaurs but the dinosaurs are bigger

54. than they thought they were

55. so the dinosaurs are like bing-bing, "So what?"

56. And they're like, "Oh no."

57. So they go to the main scientist guy.

58. This scientist guy's like, "I think I know how to kill 'em."

59. They're like, "Great."

60. So they get the biggest meanest dinosaur, the boss dinosaur.

61. They get him on the edge of a cliff and they're like,

62. "Okay, dinosaur, we know how to kill you now."

63. Then all of a sudden the dinosaur just

64. steps off the cliff and he starts floating

65. and they're like, "Oh, snap."

66. And he's like, "Yeah, all dinosaurs are space aliens."

67. - Sam, call security. - Yes right away.

68. Wait, no, no, no, no, no. So what you're saying, Scott,

69. are that the dinosaurs are actually aliens.

70. Yeah, but you don't find that 'till the very,

71. very end of the movie.

72. Then this other movie I wanna do,

73. where these guys are in a compound.

74. This other guy comes in, he kicks open the door like pvvt!

75. And they're like, "What's going on, what's going on?"

76. He's like, "I got good news and I got bad news."

77. They're like, "What's the good news?"

78. He's like, "The good news is I checked it out.

79. There's a whole lot of 'em out there

80. and they're bigger than us and they have better guns than us,

81. but I think I found a secret tunnel.

82. So if we go right now, we can get away."

83. And they're like, "That's great. What's the bad news?"

84. And he's like, "I'm the bad news."

85. And they're like, "Oh, snap."

86. That sounds like a Vin Diesel vehicle.

87. Yeah, we've got 'em locked for a two-more picture deal.

88. Sam, get VD on the phone.

89. - Scott, more, go. - Okay, I have another movie

90. where it's about the biggest dam in the world

91. and it's about to break and destroy all of New York

92. and Los Angeles, and they're like, everybody—

93. Wait, Scott, Scott, why is the dam gonna break?

94. 'Cause a satellite went crazy in space

95. and it shot a hole in the ozone layer.

96. So like, okay, everybody get outta town,

97. evacuate the planet.

98. So everybody's in their cars and it's gridlocked traffic.

99. Then at the worst possible moment

100. the dam goes psshh!

101. And this big wall of water comes down the street,

102. knocks over the Empire State Building,

103. knocks over the Eiffel Tower.

104. And the wall of water's coming down the street.

105. The camera zooms in on the back of the taxi cab

106. and Mel Gibson turns around and he goes, "Not again."

107. And it goes, boom, boom, Mel Gibson.

108. Boom, boom, the dam. Boom, boom, summer.

109. - Yeah. - Yes.

110. - Whoa. - That's a great idea.

111. - Yes. - Get Mel Gibson back in action.

112. I really like it.

113. - Scott, more, go! - Okay.

114. I have another movie I wanna do

115. about all these cool Black people that hang out

116. in a driveway and this car comes up

117. and they're like, "Who's that?"

118. Then the windows come down and green smoke comes out,

119. and then Method Man and Redman get outta the car

120. and they're like, "Oh." And then Queen Latifah comes up.

121. She does that funny neck bob thing she does

122. that's really funny. Then all of a sudden,

123. this big white fuzzy limo pulls up

124. and they're like, "Who's that?"

125. Then the door opens and Cedric the Entertainer comes out

126. and he has a really funny hat on.

127. - And it's called The Driveway.

128. Of course, it's called The Driveway.

129. That's gonna get that demographic.

130. Darren, what's that demographic?

131. - Black people. - They're gonna love that idea.

132. Scott, you have saved the studio and I thank you.

133. Oh, thank you.

134. - And you got some mail.

135. All right, men, here comes the American Army,

136. let's look sharp.

137. Remember the first impression is the lasting impression.

138. My God, they haven't even got proper uniforms on.

139. - All right.

140. Okay, all right, no guffawing, no guffawing, no guffawing.

141. Here we go.

142. Oh, I say, hello there.

143. Yes, hello.

144. You are the American Army, I presume?

145. Very good, yes.

146. I am Commander Livingston of His Majesty's Royal Military,

147. and we are here to do battle.

148. Although I do believe that we did agree upon noon.

149. Is that correct?

150. It's not a problem, it's all right.

151. It's just in the future when you say you're gonna

152. be someplace, it's...

153. And everything.

154. Okay, very good, very good.

155. Shall we have at it then?

156. All right, would you like to take a few moments

157. to get ready?

158. You're ready now? They're ready now.

159. There's hardly a formation there.

160. All right, all right, no guffawing.

161. I've said this.

162. Okay, very good.

163. Uh, very well, since we are the assaulting army,

164. you have the privilege of taking the first volley, right?

165. And then we shall return and so on and so forth.

166. So Godspeed.

167. Let's have a good one and good luck to ya.

168. All right, men.

169. Now let's show 'em what we Brits are made of.

170. Stand your ground.

171. Oh, you've got one.

172. Good shot.

173. Very good shot, actually.

174. That was Timothy.

175. He's our maps and navigations expert.

176. We'll be in a pinch without him.

177. Good form.

178. All right, now it's our turn to take a volley.

179. So.

180. All right, men, let's get ready.

181. Muskets at the ready.

182. And do me a favor, let's have a little fun with this.

183. Try and pick the one you think

184. might be their maps and navigations expert, right?

185. - Right.

186. Oh, oh! Oh!

187. Hey, no!

188. Now you've had your turn.

189. You've just taken two volleys and we haven't even had one.

190. Now I know that for a lot of you Americans,

191. this is your first parlay.

192. But there are rules in modern warfare.

193. We're not dumb beasts.

194. Right?

195. Now, since you've taken two volleys,

196. we will take two volleys, and then you may return fire.

197. You are in effect losing a turn.

198. - Right.

199. Hey!

200. Hey, now you know the rules.

201. I've just explained them to you.

202. This battle's barely even started yet,

203. and I'm down to only a handful of men.

204. You're doing very poorly in this war, I might say.

205. Now we will take three volleys

206. and I do believe we should be allowed the privilege

207. to move forward five meters

208. because of your willful violation.

209. - Oh!

210. Oh! Who took a shot at the CO?

211. You took a shot at the...

212. Reprimand that man.

213. Reprimand that man.

214. I have—we'll file a very important...

215. I really wish you wouldn't have worn that today.

216. I am so sorry.

217. Empire City is in trouble tonight.

218. Where are you, Whip Boy?

219. Don't you see your signal?

220. I see it just fine.

221. Whip Boy.

222. Hello, Commissioner.

223. Thank God you're here.

224. I heard Empire City was in trouble,

225. so I came by to whip things into shape.

226. Yes, Empire Asylum has been broken into.

227. All the villains you fought over the past year have escaped.

228. That sounds like the work of Lion Man.

229. My arch nemesis.

230. You think so?

231. Yeah.

232. He's still sore that I whipped his butt.

233. Yes, well, you know, he's not the only one, Whip Boy.

234. Practically all of the villains have escaped tonight,

235. and as you know, most of them have sworn vengeance on you.

236. Yeah, they're all still sore that I whipped their butts.

237. Right, for doing that.

238. But I just wanted to ask you here tonight to warn you

239. to be careful while you're out there in the city.

240. Don't worry, I'll have all those bad guys

241. back in the asylum so fast, it'll give them whiplash.

242. Right, well, maybe this could give you a clue.

243. Earlier tonight there was a big explosion down

244. at the old chemical plant.

245. Does that give you any ideas, Whip Boy?

246. That gives me tons of great ideas.

247. You see, the bad guys of Empire City probably think

248. that the tide is turned, but what they don't know

249. is that Whip Boy is a creature of the night.

250. With a flick of my wrist, I'll send my barbs of justice

251. screeching across their face.

252. I'll hunt down each one of these evildoers

253. and whip the crap out of them.

254. Well, I'm gonna go home now and have dinner with my wife.

255. Somebody sounds whipped.

256. Okay, Whip Boy, that's enough of that.

257. Now, just be careful out there tonight.

258. Try to get these guys,

259. but try not to break any laws while you're at it.

260. If you do find anybody and you need help, just let us know.

261. Do you still have your cell phone on?

262. Yep, just charged it.

263. Okay, great.

264. Good luck tonight, Whip Boy.

265. Oh, you going down?

266. Yep.

267. Let's go.

268. - First floor, right? - That's right.

269. Oh, allow me.

270. Go ahead.

271. - Oh, sorry.

272. It's okay.

273. - Hold on. - Yeah.

274. Aha.

275. Looks like we're making two stops.

276. Yes, it does.

277. Two.

278. Again, sorry about that.

279. It's okay.

280. See you later, Whip Boy.

281. See you later, Commissioner.

282. - Ow, ow.

283. Ow!

284. - You hit me with your gun. - Shut up!

285. You hit me with your foot and it hurt.

286. We have to be even.

287. - Now we're even. - No.

288. - Shut up. - You hit me with you...

289. - Now we're even. - Shut up.

290. - No, we're not. - Now we're even!

291. - You hit me with your gun. - Now!

292. I'm your CO.

293. You're my little brother, you dick.

294. - I'm your CO. I'm your CO.

295. - Look, look, dude, look. - What?

296. On the—look through your scope, dumb-ass.

297. - Ow!

298. Ow, you dick!

299. You hit me in the eye with my scope.

300. - That hurt. - Don't hit me with your gun!

301. We have to be even!

302. We have to be even!

303. You guys are assholes!

304. - Fuck you guys! - Whoa, whoa.

305. Watch your gun. Watch your gun.

306. - Not cool. - Put your gun down.

307. - That's not cool. - Don't hit me, you little dick.

308. - Stop hitting me.

309. - We have to be even. - Stop!

310. - Both of you, shut up. - Ow!

311. What are you hitting me for?

312. - I helped you. - Just shut up!

313. - Oh!

314. Oh!

315. I'm taking the pins out of your grenades.

316. - Get away.

317. I'm taking the pins out of your grenades.

318. - Trevor.

319. Don't take the pins off his grenades—

320. Hey!

321. - Hey, look what Trevor did!

322. - Zach, look... Look what he did!

323. You're gonna get in trouble too.

324. You're gonna get in trouble.

325. You're gonna get in trouble too. We're both gonna get in trouble.

326. Sam. Shut up!

327. - You're gonna get us in trouble. Look at me, Sam!

328. - Shut up! - Be quiet, Sam.

329. You're going to get us in trouble.

330. - We're gonna spit on you.

331. Don't spit on me!

332. Sam, Sam, we're gonna take your pants off.

333. - Don't take my pants! - Sam!

334. We're gonna take your pants off if you don't be quiet.

335. We're gonna take your pants off if you're not quiet.

336. We're gonna get in trouble!

337. - Be quiet. Shut up!

338. - We're taking your pants off.

339. Hi, Jim Biederman.