The White Lotus 3x2

1. I'm just so happy we're all in the same place.

2. I mean, talking on the phone is just not the same.

3. You can't really make new memories when you just have dinner twice a year.

4. I know. I don't even think I've seen Laurie in like four years.

5. - She seems great. - Yeah.

6. She looks great.

7. She's always had so much energy.

8. I mean, she's always just been such a hard charger.

9. I love her. Hmm.

10. She's such a great girl.

11. Great friend.

12. Sounded like that divorce got pretty gnarly.

13. - Yeah. - That's gotta be hard.

14. She had to pay him palimony, right?

15. - So ridiculous. Why? - To that loser?

16. Can you imagine? I mean, I'd be furious.

17. After he freeloaded off of her for years.

18. And I guess the whole thing's been, you know, really hard on Ellie,

19. - which is so sad... - Aw, no.

20. ...because she was such an adorable little girl.

21. My God. She was so cute. I wanted to steal her.

22. But I guess she's turned into a real...

23. Yeah.

24. What?

25. Apparently, she's been kicked out of two schools.

26. - No. - She's like a hitter.

27. - She's a bruiser. - Oh, no.

28. - She throws furniture. - What?

29. You have to wonder about these people

30. who insist on raising their kids in New York.

31. I mean, what are they thinking?

32. Honestly. The kids can't play.

33. There's no childhood.

34. They're all, like, sucking each other off at, like, eight years old.

35. I am sure they're doing that in Texas too, Kate.

36. But, you know, Laurie's work is there.

37. She's always defined herself by her work,

38. so, I guess it's good she has that.

39. What?

40. Don't you remember how she was talking

41. about how she was gonna get that big promotion?

42. Was she?

43. Yeah, they were gonna make her partner.

44. What are you saying?

45. I'm saying I don't think it happened.

46. No?

47. I think she's kind of stalled out there.

48. - Oh, no. - I know.

49. Laurie.

50. I mean, you devote your whole life to one firm?

51. The world's brutal.

52. No wonder she looks defeated.

53. I thought you said she looked great.

54. Well... she does.

55. But she also looks tired.

56. Don't you think?

57. - A little down? - Might be the drinking.

58. She did drink like a whole bottle tonight.

59. Mm. More than that.

60. I just love her so much.

61. I do, too. I just worry about her.

62. Oh my God!

63. Laurie! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

64. - Sorry. - Oh my God.

65. What are you do-- What is--

66. - It's locked. It's locked. - Oh!

67. Oh my gosh. Did--

68. - I... Did I lock it? - What, did I scare you guys?

69. - Yes, you scared us. - I left my, um...

70. I left my bag with my charger.

71. We were just talking about you.

72. - Yeah? - Yeah.

73. How long it's been since I've actually seen you.

74. - Just... how great you look. - Aw. Thank you.

75. Yeah, and how excited I am to get to be able to spend

76. the whole week with you all to myself.

77. - Yeah. - Well, you're gonna have

78. - to share her with me. - Oh, I know.

79. - Love you. - You guys, I can't even believe it.

80. All right. Good night. I'll see you in the morning. Love you.

81. - Love you. - Good night.

82. Okay, do you need me to walk you to...?

83. - No, no. - You got it?

84. - Yes. - Are you sure?

85. - Yes. - Okay.

86. Maybe text me when you get to your room.

87. Oh my God.

88. Oh my God. That scared the shit out of me.

89. I thought it was a monkey.

90. Where the fuck am I?

91. Okay, Thailand. Let's do this.

92. Where is this goddamn coffee? It's gotta be 15 minutes.

93. Hey, excuse me, we ordered coffee?

94. Yes. I get it right away.

95. - Did you not get enough sleep? - Thanks.

96. No.

97. You should have taken my Lorazepam.

98. I slept like a corpse.

99. Well, you know I don't like taking drugs.

100. You know, I'm like you, Dad. I don't like taking drugs either.

101. What are you talking about? You take Adderall all day.

102. So I can get shit done, yeah.

103. Yeah, and steroids.

104. No.

105. Dad, really?

106. - Come on. - Piper.

107. It's a call I cannot miss, okay?

108. We come all the way here for you and your thesis,

109. now make some concessions for the rest of us.

110. Okay, but I didn't choose to stay at this hotel.

111. Well, we chose it 'cause it's your kind of thing.

112. No, it's not.

113. It's like a Disneyland for rich bohemians from Malibu

114. in their Lululemon yoga pants.

115. - Um, sorry. - Hey.

116. Hi. I'm sorry.

117. Um, this is really bothering me.

118. Is your name Victoria?

119. Mm. Hmm?

120. I saw you on the boat yesterday, and I was like,

121. "I've met her somewhere," and I think I've placed it.

122. Do you know Claire Popovich?

123. Mm. Yes. I do.

124. You and I were at a baby shower in Austin together.

125. Kate Bohr. Claire is one of my great friends in Austin,

126. and yeah, we spent a weekend together!

127. Hi.

128. Yes.

129. But do you remember meeting me?

130. Yeah, your hair, your... your hair was different, right?

131. Well, maybe, maybe. Maybe.

132. Um, these are my friends.

133. This is Jaclyn and Laurie.

134. - Hi. - Hey. What's up?

135. Gosh, it's such a small world, isn't it?

136. I just saw Claire right before I left.

137. If I talk to her, I'll tell her you said hello.

138. Okay, well, you all enjoy your vacation.

139. You too.

140. - I'll leave you be. Thank you. Bye. - Bye. Nice to meet you.

141. - Bye. - Bye.

142. I don't think she remembers you.

143. Jaclyn, we spent a whole weekend together.

144. I mean, a whole weekend.

145. Am I not memorable?

146. I mean, who cares? She seems a little crazy.

147. Mom?

148. - Why were you like that? - Like what?

149. - You were... kind of rude. - No, I wasn't.

150. - You were pretty standoffish, at least. - Well... Oh, please.

151. What does she want from me?

152. We met at a baby shower ten years ago.

153. I mean, so what? Who cares?

154. Well, I-- I think she was just trying to be friendly and say hi.

155. I'm on vacation with my family. I don't know her.

156. - Her friend is Jaclyn Lemon. - Mm. Who's that?

157. She's an actress.

158. - She's famous. - Well, should I be impressed?

159. Actresses are all basically prostitutes.

160. If they're lucky. Am I right?

161. - Sawatdee kha. - Hey, Mook!

162. I just want to confirm this morning

163. we have a body scrub and waxing for Miss Chelsea.

164. Yep, amazing.

165. And for Khun Rick,

166. a stress management session with Dr. Amrita.

167. No. No, I d-- I didn't sign up for that.

168. Yeah, I did. You need it.

169. Well, I'm not going to do it. So cancel it.

170. No thank you. Okay?

171. No, you can't cancel it.

172. It's too late to cancel. We'll have to pay for it anyway.

173. Thank you.

174. Well, Amrita is wonderful. Everyone loves her.

175. Yeah, they love her, Rick. She's the best they have.

176. I bet.

177. He's really looking forward to it.

178. Okay. Well... Well, enjoy your treatments

179. - and see you later. - Thanks.

180. She's too sweet.

181. Hey, I made a friend last night.

182. Yeah?

183. When you were hiding from me.

184. I wasn't hiding from you.

185. Anyway, she's super cool. We met at the bar.

186. She lives in a house on top of the hill with her boyfriend.

187. He must be loaded. She's invited us for dinner.

188. And I said yes.

189. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.

190. You're going to have loads in common with him.

191. - Yeah, like what? - You're both old.

192. Nice.

193. I mean, he's your age.

194. Oh, and he's bald. And you're going bald.

195. I'm not going bald.

196. Okay.

197. The flowers.

198. Yeah. We should have more colorful flowers.

199. - Sawatdee khrap. - Oh, hi.

200. How did you sleep?

201. - Great. - Great. Yeah.

202. Awesome.

203. - Wonderful. - Yeah, great.

204. This morning, I'm going to give you

205. - your biomarker tests. - Oh.

206. And based on the results, we will come up with protocols

207. for each of you.

208. - Uh-oh. - Fantastic.

209. I look forward to working with you ladies.

210. - I'll see you soon. - Okay.

211. Thank you, Valentin. Phew!

212. See you at the spa.

213. Somebody's got to try that, and you're the only one who's single.

214. - Laurie? - No.

215. Come on. Laurie, he's cute.

216. - What? Shut up! - Gee, Laurie! That's it!

217. - That's the spirit! - It's Cancun all over again.

218. - No, no, no! Oh my God. - Yes, it is.

219. - No. - It's Cancun. It's Cancun.

220. - Sawatdee kha. - Hey, hey.

221. Um, I have schedules

222. for everyone based on speaking with Mr. Ratliff

223. and your own requests.

224. - Oh, a sports massage. Nice. - Oh, this looks great.

225. Mr. Ratliff, I didn't book you in anything

226. because you said that you just wanted to go to the gym. Is that...?

227. You're killing it, Pam. All right.

228. Hey, guys. Y'all have a great day. I'll see you later.

229. - Thank you, darling. - Have a lovely day.

230. - See you, Dad. - Bye.

231. So, I thought today, to begin our exchange,

232. I could give you my signature treatment,

233. the warrior massage.

234. I'm not gonna say no to that.

235. And then maybe after lunch,

236. you could give me your signature treatment,

237. and then, we discuss.

238. But let's let our hands do the talking first.

239. Yes. Oh. The...

240. - I like you, Pornchai. - This way.

241. Yeah, sometimes with massages, I can get very stressed out,

242. and I just feel kind of claustrophobic.

243. These help me to really relax.

244. Whoo!

245. Inhale and reach up. Arms up.

246. Exhale, opening out for warrior 2, hips towards the right,

247. arms, hands, fingers out to the side.

248. Long breath out.

249. Inhale, left elbow, left knee.

250. The right arm reaches over and above your head.

251. Exhale, both hands down to the mat.

252. Inhale to lift your chest.

253. And exhale, step back, downward-facing dog.

254. Hey.

255. Hey, it's me. Sorry to call so late.

256. Just checking in. Did... Did Kenny Nguyen call?

257. No, he still hasn't.

258. Really? Weaselly fucker.

259. All right. Look, he's got my cell, but if he calls the office tomorrow,

260. just put him through. Doesn't matter what time it is here.

261. I... I really gotta talk to him.

262. Someone did call from The Washington Post, though.

263. You mean The Wall Street Journal?

264. No, no. He said The Washington Post.

265. He was being very pushy. He said it was urgent.

266. I'll send his info with all your calls in an email.

267. - Well, did-- Did he s-- - Mr. Ratliff, I'm sorry, but you gotta...

268. Yeah, just put everything in the email and send it to me ASAP.

269. - Will do. - Thanks.

270. Are you sure you don't want to be free of that for the week?

271. I think, you know, it could be quite a relief.

272. I'm sure it would be a relief if you stopped asking me.

273. Okay. Say no more.

274. So, how the current is conducted tells us a lot

275. about what's going on in your body.

276. - What, like shock treatment? - No. Maybe just a little tickle.

277. Okay.

278. Okay. Female.

279. And here's the milk soap.

280. Sea salt, to scrub the feet.

281. Feels so good.

282. Your numbers are very good.

283. Markers could be of a woman half your age.

284. - Shut up. Really? - Very good numbers.

285. Please, tell me more.

286. Okay.

287. - Welcome. - Whoa.

288. In the Enneagram, I'm a nine. I'm easygoing, peacemaker.

289. But it also means I'm quite complacent,

290. which isn't always good. Hey, you're probably a two.

291. Yeah. Most healers are twos.

292. Tell me. How do you feel today?

293. I don't know.

294. Your level of stress, would you say out of ten,

295. one being no stress at all, ten extremely stressed?

296. I'm going to say an eight.

297. You're always at eight?

298. Weed helps, but I didn't want to travel with it.

299. You wouldn't happen to know if there's a great weed shop nearby?

300. Can you remember a time in your life when you were totally free of stress?

301. As a child even.

302. Well... my mother was a drug addict.

303. She OD'd when I was ten, so...

304. And your father?

305. I never knew him. He died before I was born.

306. He was, um... murdered.

307. Yeah, yeah.

308. Real fun shit to talk about, right?

309. Meditation can bring relief... to psychic pain.

310. Meditation helps you see that the identity you've created

311. brings you suffering.

312. I never had an identity.

313. I don't need to detach. I'm already nothing.

314. Even nothing can be an illusion you tell yourself.

315. If nobody puts gas in the tank, the tank is empty.

316. That's not an illusion. The car won't start.

317. Nothing comes from nothing, right?

318. Hello. I'm calling from Villa Four.

319. And we all just had our treatments.

320. I had a wonderful massage from Porn.

321. And I was hoping we could order some tea to the room

322. and maybe some finger foods like "tom ka ti ta lay."

323. Maybe some "kai yang plu bai cha plu."

324. "Kai yang plu bai cha plu."

325. Saxon, what's with the racket, honey?

326. I'm on the phone.

327. And finally,

328. some "pad Thai goong mae nam." Mm, thank you.

329. Saxon. I just had a massage.

330. You're setting me back.

331. How can you be so hyper? I thought you had one too.

332. Yeah, but it kind of sucked.

333. - Why? What was wrong with it? - It had no happy ending.

334. - Gross. - What?

335. Aren't they all supposed to be a little speshy-speshy?

336. Saxon, stop it!

337. Lochy, how was the deprivation tank?

338. - It was quiet. - Come on.

339. What are you looking for?

340. - A blender for my protein shakes, Mom. - Just call the butler

341. and ask for one, honey.

342. Hey, Lochy, we gotta get you in on this stuff.

343. Does it taste good?

344. No, it tastes like crap. Who cares?

345. It's not about the taste. It's about the pump.

346. Come on. Hey, Dad!

347. How's the gym? Do they have a rowing machine?

348. - Timothy? - Yeah?

349. - Is everything okay? - No. No, it's not. I d--

350. We're on the antipodal opposite ends of the Earth from humanity here.

351. It's why nobody comes here.

352. It's day here. It's night there. It's night here. It's day there.

353. I can't get anybody on the phone.

354. Who do you need to get a hold of?

355. I'm just saying that the time difference

356. is aggravating, you know?

357. Poor guy. He works so hard. He needs to calm his ass down.

358. And this won't be like your warrior massage.

359. You won't be screaming out in agony.

360. But, I don't know, people seem to like it.

361. It's popular.

362. So, how would you like me?

363. On my back or on my stomach?

364. On my stomach-- Not my stomach.

365. My stomach, your s-- Your stomach.

366. Okay.

367. There you go.

368. Ja.

369. Tam mai?

370. Por, por, por, por.

371. So, how was the lady?

372. She seemed really, like... wise.

373. Why? 'Cause she's Indian?

374. Yeah, Rick, because she was Indian,

375. and all Indians are wise.

376. She made me sign up again, but...

377. no fucking way I'm gonna do that.

378. Why not?

379. Come on. It's good to talk about things with a wise Indian.

380. You think you've got it all figured out? I don't think so.

381. God, you're so shut down.

382. - Yeah? - Yeah.

383. And you are an idiot.

384. Hey, girl.

385. Oh, hey.

386. Hi, I'm Chloe.

387. You must be Rick, right? I've heard all about you.

388. He's so jet-lagged.

389. - And he has a migraine. - Of course.

390. We're going to hang out so you can have a nap. Okay?

391. Yeah.

392. Okay, let's go.

393. Love you.

394. Vamos a la playa, chica.

395. Laurie, how was your session with Valentin?

396. He said all my numbers were really good. I was shocked.

397. Yeah. Yeah, my hydration level was one of the highest

398. he's ever seen, which is cool.

399. What was your water level, Laurie?

400. I'd have to look, but he said that my fat mass

401. was under 25 percent, which I guess is pretty good.

402. Mm. That's really good. Is that right?

403. - That's what he said. - Wow.

404. You seem surprised.

405. No! That was about the same as mine.

406. Oh.

407. Yeah, he said I had the numbers of someone half my age,

408. which, I don't know, immediately, I was like,

409. "Can you please put that in writing

410. and send that to everyone I've ever met in my entire life?"

411. He might say that to everybody. He said the same thing to me.

412. Did he?

413. Well, he didn't say it to me. He said my numbers are average,

414. so I'm just... average, I guess.

415. Look, I'm sure living in Austin, the food is probably fattier.

416. - Butter and... steak. - No, no, no. There's--

417. There's healthy food in Austin. I mean, I eat mostly chicken.

418. For protein, I eat chicken.

419. I eat turkey. I like beans. I used to hate beans,

420. but now I eat a lot of beans.

421. One day, I just decided to trick my mind into liking beans,

422. and now I do.

423. You know, I just have to eat healthy.

424. You know, it's a part of my job.

425. Right.

426. And if I weren't neurotic enough,

427. now I'm married to a guy who's ten years younger,

428. and he's always getting hit on.

429. His body is crazy.

430. Harrison and I are, like, addicted to each other.

431. - It's kind of a problem. - Yeah.

432. Well, you've only been married for a year, so...

433. Oh, I don't think I'm ever gonna get tired of it.

434. - Oh. - Wow.

435. Great.

436. Yeah.

437. Rick's quite cute for an older guy. Yeah.

438. He's rude. Sorry. Don't take it personally.

439. Oh my God. Don't even apologize.

440. Gary's so rude.

441. He was such a dick last night.

442. This morning, I was like, "You know what, Gary?"

443. "Sorry isn't good enough. I want the credit card."

444. The store here has some really cute stuff.

445. - Do you want to come with me? - Yeah.

446. Hey, what's up?

447. What's going on?

448. God, he's such a douche.

449. He was on the boat with us. He's from a family of wankers.

450. Oh, yeah?

451. - Yeah. - Cute.

452. - Hey. - Hey.

453. Did you meditate in the tank?

454. I did try to pray.

455. - Yeah? - Yeah.

456. How'd it go?

457. I felt like I was just talking to myself.

458. You never feel, like, a presence or anything?

459. I do.

460. - Yeah? - Yeah.

461. Don't you feel like that could just be, like, wishful thinking?

462. Like, you want to feel something, so you--

463. It's real.

464. Saxon says you've never had sex.

465. Okay, and how would he know that?

466. He doesn't know what I do.

467. Also, why would he say that? Like... Like, why would that even come up?

468. Like, in what context?

469. Well, he was just saying it's like...

470. It's weird 'cause you're so hot, but you've never had sex.

471. It's like a... like a compliment about you.

472. - Please don't bring it up. - He shouldn't be talking

473. - about me like that. - It's not that bad. It's not a big deal.

474. Okay, well, he should mind his own business.

475. Freak.

476. - Have you, though? - Really?

477. - It was just a question. - Seriously?

478. Fuck.

479. Ooh, can I see this snake choker thing?

480. - Sure. - Thank you. Khop khun kha.

481. I'm going to try these on. What do you think?

482. - Yeah. - It's nice, right?

483. Hey, Tok. Wa nai, nong chai?

484. Hey, Valentin. Sabai dee mai?

485. Yeah, you good?

486. Gonna go see the fights.

487. Hey.

488. - You look like Buakaw. - Buakaw?

489. - I like your moves, Tok. - Oh, thank you.

490. There's a very big fight on Friday.

491. One of my friends is fighting.

492. I can get you a ticket.

493. - Get me a ticket? - Yeah.

494. - Okay. - Yeah?

495. Let's go.

496. - Get back! - Oh my God.

497. Quiet. Go. Open it.

498. - Open it! - No, I can't.

499. Quiet.

500. - Are you okay? - Yeah, are you okay?

501. Oh my God. What just happened?

502. Oh my God. What should we do?

503. What the fuck was that?

504. Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!

505. Ja.

506. But the one time something exciting happens around here,

507. I miss the whole thing.

508. No, trust me. You're lucky. I almost died.

509. No, you didn't.

510. Yes, I did.

511. Oh, but we got the room comped, didn't we, babes? That was cool.

512. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you did a great job, babe.

513. Khun Sritala, you will see, she's incredible.

514. She... She is really, truly a legend.

515. And... And she encourages us all to make healthy choices

516. and to develop our artistic side.

517. All the performers tonight are staff.

518. Really?

519. - Yeah. - That's amazing.

520. Even I have started to write songs.

521. I'm learning piano.

522. Ooh! So what night are you going to be performing? Hmm?

523. Okay.

524. - No. No. No. - Yeah?

525. - I can't. I can't. - Come on.

526. It would be, uh, crazy. I w-- I wouldn't dare.

527. - Come on, get up there. - Do it!

528. I... I... I'm the boss. So, uh... maybe.

529. Maybe one day.

530. - Yes, thank you so much. - May I take the plates, please?

531. Yeah, yeah. We're all done.

532. - You girls are gorgeous. - Thank you.

533. - Great skin. - Kha.

534. Excuse me. Thank you.

535. - Khop khun kha. - Khop khun kha.

536. Dad, are they women?

537. Ladyboys? Maybe.

538. Well, you know what they say.

539. Having sex in Thailand is like eating a box of chocolates.

540. You never know which one's gonna have nuts.

541. Exactly.

542. - What? What? - Oh, Piper.

543. You know, it's getting old.

544. Oh my God. What's your problem?

545. For one, stay out of my personal life.

546. What are you even talking about?

547. All right. Just settle down, okay?

548. Just try to get along.

549. Because you need your family. You do.

550. Most people don't have good values.

551. They're scammers.

552. You're all gorgeous, and you come from money.

553. So you have to be hypervigilant, okay?

554. You have to be on your guard.

555. So, uh, you've been living here for a whole year.

556. Wow. What do you do?

557. I'm retired.

558. What did you do before you retired?

559. This and that.

560. What about you? What do you do?

561. Well, the same thing that you do, Gary.

562. This and that.

563. You meet a lot of people here who do this and that.

564. Decent line of work.

565. It can be.

566. My brothers used to terrorize me.

567. You know, your Uncle Babe would fly out of nowhere,

568. pin me to the ground, hock up a string of spit,

569. dangle it between my eyes

570. till he'd finally suck it back up.

571. Ew.

572. I mean...

573. I hated him for years,

574. but of course, now, we're very close.

575. Really, Tim?

576. All right. I'm gonna call you right back.

577. Stay there, okay? Don't move.

578. Oh, God.

579. I gotta take this.

580. Okay.

581. So, what about the two of you? Where'd you meet?

582. Uh, in Dubai.

583. Through a matchmaking service.

584. Matchmaking service? Wow, really?

585. - Interesting. - Yeah.

586. Yeah, I mean, we're different. Different ages. I'm American.

587. She's French. But we get along.

588. What are you talking about?

589. - What? - I'm not French.

590. What do you mean?

591. I'm from Quebec. It's not the same thing.

592. You know, I-- I'm Canadian.

593. French, French Canadian. Whatever.

594. Whatever?

595. I mean, there's only an ocean between the two countries, but whatever.

596. Okay, why do you have to be such a stickler

597. about everything? It's...

598. - A stickler? Okay. - French...

599. I appreciate the geography lesson, but, um...

600. Well, clearly, you needed it.

601. - What are you t-- - Okay.

602. - Wow. - Is he in a loincloth?

603. Uh-huh.

604. So pretty.

605. Why is The Wall Street Journal calling me, Kenny? Huh?

606. I don't care about the fucking story!

607. Why not?

608. Because 20 agents just raided my fucking office!

609. - Fuck me, I'm done. - Oh, sh... Is... Is it-- Is...

610. - I'm gonna fucking kill myself. - Just tell me what happened.

611. I can't go to fucking prison. God.

612. - Can you-- Just-- - Fuck.

613. You know, you told me this couldn't happen.

614. Remember that?

615. You fucking swore that this could not happen.

616. I didn't think some whistleblower bitch

617. in my office was gonna rat me out to the media.

618. Fucking FBI!

619. - Fuck! Fuck me! - All... All... All... All right.

620. - I just-- Kenny. - God, she did me so dirty.

621. What exactly do they know?

622. They have everything, Tim.

623. - My accounts, my emails... - Yeah, but what--

624. - ...all the fucking documents. - What did you tell them?

625. - What did you say, Kenny? - Nothing!

626. I got a fucking lawyer.

627. I should have never gone to Brunei.

628. I should've never taken that position.

629. Everybody was making a killing.

630. - I figured, why not me? - Kenny, Kenny.

631. Kenny! Will you shut the fuck up for one second?

632. Just tell me. Am I implicated?

633. Yes. For sure, Tim. Yes.

634. What d-- What... What-- What does that mean?

635. Like-- S-- For-- Yes? That's a definite yes?

636. That's why I bought this burner, to call you.

637. You need to get a good lawyer, like, yesterday.

638. You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

639. You know, this was a favor to you. Remember that? I didn't want to do it.

640. This is all you. Now I'm wrapped up in some fucking money laundering,

641. bribery situation?

642. And I only made ten million dollars out of your stupid fucking scheme.

643. - Fuck! - What am I gonna do?

644. I swear to God, Kenny, if you fuck me on this,

645. I will... I will kill you. I will fucking kill you. You hear me?

646. If it makes you feel any better, I'm gonna fucking kill myself!

647. Good. You do it, you piece of shit.

648. Bravo!

649. - You're a legend! - You're incredible.

650. - You are a legend. You are a legend. - So good.

651. - So talented. - Thank you.

652. Well, once a performer is always a performer.

653. Do you agree?

654. Yes! A hundred percent. We know that.

655. Well, I'm leaving for Bangkok tomorrow.

656. - Oh, no! - Yeah, if you need anything,

657. - please let me know. - Oh, you live in Bangkok?

658. Yeah, my husband's there. We come back and forth.

659. He just got out of the hospital.

660. - Oh. - Oh, is he okay?

661. Yeah. Last week, he had a stroke.

662. - Oh my God. - What?

663. - He's had a few. - Oh, no.

664. He's a fighter.

665. He would love to meet you.

666. Awesome first day.

667. - It was the best first day. - It was the best day.

668. - She was amazing though. - Love you.

669. Totally amazing.

670. - You're amazing. - Oh my God.

671. Oh my God. Late night reading.

672. - Look at this. Glowing. Sritala. - Are you gonna...

673. - Are you gonna do it? - Got my reading.

674. - Of course, I'm going to do it. - I love it.

675. - Love you! - Love you! Give me the Cliff Notes.

676. - Ow, ow. Help me. Ow. - Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.

677. - You really should never wear heels. - I know. I know. I know.

678. - Oh, my gosh. - Are you okay?

679. Oh, my gosh. Ooh, it's hot.

680. She's so funny.

681. Right? What a character. A real Thai diva.

682. No. No, no. I meant Jaclyn.

683. So competitive.

684. Well, you know, she's always been like that.

685. Yeah, but you'd think with all her success,

686. she'd have mellowed out, though.

687. Narcissist.

688. A little bit.

689. And the vanity.

690. I know she has to maintain it. It's her career...

691. Did she sandblast her face or something?

692. - It's very waxy, right? - It's more than just the basics.

693. - She's still gorgeous. - No, no, no, definitely.

694. Gosh, she had the face everyone wanted.

695. I know.

696. And then the whole thing with the husband. Right?

697. Yes.

698. There's something weird there, right?

699. She goes on and on. They're so in love. They're addicted to each other.

700. But I mean, are they ever even in the same city?

701. I don't think they ever see each other.

702. See? That's what I'm saying.

703. You know, I think she's lonely.

704. - Really? - Yeah.

705. I think it's just a front.

706. And you know what they say about fronts?

707. What?

708. The bigger the front, the bigger the back.

709. Right.

710. What?

711. I almost died today.

712. No, you didn't.

713. Protect me.

714. - Hold me. - I am holding you.

715. I liked our new friends, though. Don't you? She's so pretty.

716. She's a hooker.

717. - No, she isn't. - Yes, she is.

718. They met through a matchmaking service in Dubai.

719. She's a hooker.

720. She was a model in France. She walked the Paris runways.

721. - Wow. - Uh-huh.

722. Anyway, I told you we'd have loads in common with them.

723. She's young and fun like me,

724. and he's old and grumpy like you.

725. I'm just kidding.

726. I'm glad that you made a friend.

727. I may have to go to Bangkok for a night or two.

728. Bangkok? Why?

729. I just got to deal with something.

730. But why now? We just got here.

731. Don't worry about it.

732. So mysterious.

733. I'm not.

734. Could you just get him to call me, please?

735. He has all my numbers.

736. And may I ask the reason for the call, please?

737. Because I need a lawyer immediately, like yesterday.

738. Of course. I will have him call you as soon as he gets out of the meeting.

739. - Okay. - Okay? Thank you.

740. Okay. Thank you.

741. Anyway, so this one time when, you know,

742. when the tsunami in Phuket happened,

743. there was this little girl, and she had just learned

744. about tsunamis in her geography class,

745. and she starts, you know, like, screaming to everyone,

746. "Oh my God, there's gonna be a tsunami, there's gonna be a tsunami!"

747. But, you know, no one wanted to believe her, but...

748. - Was she like... - They didn't listen to her.

749. Yeah, well, so her dad comes down...