1. Previously on The West Wing:Copy !req
2. This morning's finance report,
8.2 million cash in hand.Copy !req
3. - Ought to buy a few lawn signs.
- And lawns.Copy !req
4. I'm just confused about who the viable
candidate is when Russell's gone.Copy !req
5. I'm gonna win this thing, Toby.Copy !req
6. Get into camo gear,
sling a 12-gauge over your shoulder . . .Copy !req
7. - . . . get a few photos for the AP.
- With a gun?Copy !req
8. You were a Marine.
You can shoot, right?Copy !req
9. Yeah, a 20 mm chain gun,
but it might be hard on the pheasant.Copy !req
10. Don't you actually wanna get
some votes in one of these states?Copy !req
11. When's the last time a politician
answered a question he didn't like?Copy !req
12. - You saying the debate shouldn't matter?
- I'm saying it should be better.Copy !req
13. Look, we're practically teaching
media evasion in kindergarten now.Copy !req
14. "Teacher, the issue isn't whether I
pinched Dorothy during milk and cookies.Copy !req
15. The American people are more concerned
with new nap mats . . .Copy !req
16. . . . and I got a six-point plan. "Copy !req
17. Politicians turn them
into pumpkin-judging contests.Copy !req
18. Oh, yeah. Sometimes, sure.Copy !req
19. But it's also the rules of the game.Copy !req
20. Look, we've got one more debate
before this New Hampshire primary.Copy !req
21. Do we really want
another joint photo op . . .Copy !req
22. . . . another 90-second sound bite
followed by a 60-second sound bite?Copy !req
23. A beauty pageant without beauty?Copy !req
24. I think you're beautiful.Copy !req
25. Maybe I'm working against myself,
but the Dover Herald . . .Copy !req
26. . . . they're announcing their debate
rules. I've been banging on them.Copy !req
27. Let's make it a real debate.Copy !req
28. A debate where all seven Democrats
get to cross-examine each other.Copy !req
29. Where we get to answer questions,
like it or not.Copy !req
30. Politicians never answer questions
they don't like.Copy !req
31. So we hook ourselves up to electrodes.
Crossfire meets Clockwork Orange.Copy !req
32. I don't understand the wooden eggs.Copy !req
33. Politics and Eggs,
that's the name of the forum.Copy !req
34. - You ever tried signing a wooden egg?
- Granite State tradition.Copy !req
35. - Like the actual voting. Your speech?
- What about wooden slices of toast?Copy !req
36. - You get traction with your pen.
- You're doing a modified stump.Copy !req
37. We beefed up the foreign policy
because of these Pakistani nuclear sales.Copy !req
38. - Sound bite's in bold.
- Fine.Copy !req
39. Then you can sign
wooden nuclear reactors.Copy !req
40. I think I should open
with the VP seal joke. Donna?Copy !req
41. It's a hilarious joke that's been
hilarious 147 times, sir.Copy !req
42. - I've never done this forum.
- These people were at other forums.Copy !req
43. Next week they'll be at
the forum on forums.Copy !req
44. They're almost done
with your introduction, sir.Copy !req
45. Okay. I'm gonna open
with the VP seal joke.Copy !req
46. Pound the foreign policy,
you can tell knock-knock jokes.Copy !req
47. Our guest at this morning's Politics
and Eggs, Vice President Bob Russell.Copy !req
48. Thank you, gentlemen. In case
the kitchen staff is wondering . . .Copy !req
49. . . .I like my wooden eggs
sawed in half and scrambled.Copy !req
50. - It is a great pleasure . . . .
- They announced rules for the debate.Copy !req
51. Don't tell me they're doing
this Santos nonsense.Copy !req
52. - Thumb wrestling if you misuse a stat.
- No, pretty thumb-free.Copy !req
53. —the vice president, and I will tell you
what I like best about that seal.Copy !req
54. If you close your left eye and squint
really hard and tilt your head just so . . .Copy !req
55. . . .it reads a lot like
"president of the United States. "Copy !req
56. Trade launch codes
for a seltzer bottle.Copy !req
57. - Vaudeville.
- This is important.Copy !req
58. They're putting the vice president
on-stage with six also-rans.Copy !req
59. - Believe me, this debate isn't important.
- See, that's the thing.Copy !req
60. Every year health-care reform
has been on the national agenda.Copy !req
61. Whether we've passed it or not . . .Copy !req
62. . . . private insurers have kept
their premium increases down.Copy !req
63. So, yeah, it ought to be
part of the debate.Copy !req
64. - Thanks.
- Thank you.Copy !req
65. Any news on this Pakistani
nuclear sale to Nigeria?Copy !req
66. - Pakistan's trying to backpedal.
- We ought to put out some statement.Copy !req
67. No one's asking, but sure.Copy !req
68. We need to lead toward a world that's
free, prosperous and also nuclear-free.Copy !req
69. - That's good.
- Second set starts at 9.Copy !req
70. I have some bad news.Copy !req
71. - How bad?
- Bad.Copy !req
72. The Herald decided to use
old debate rules.Copy !req
73. Russell and Hoynes made
a huge media buy out of Boston.Copy !req
74. Close to 1800
gross ratings points each.Copy !req
75. - Eighteen hundred points?
- It's an ad war.Copy !req
76. An ad apocalypse. I don't know
where they're getting the money . . .Copy !req
77. - . . . but we don't have it.
- We ought to ban ads altogether.Copy !req
78. Screw the First Amendment.Copy !req
79. Well, constitutionality aside,
New Hampshire votes in five days.Copy !req
80. The airwaves are gonna be Russell,
Hoynes and reruns of I Love Lucy.Copy !req
81. We need to change the dynamic,
or we're finished.Copy !req
82. - We need a silver bullet.
- A silver bullet?Copy !req
83. An ad that'll vault us out of the second
tier, turn this campaign on its head.Copy !req
84. - Go deeper into debt.
- No.Copy !req
85. But we can scrape together enough
to buy one minute of prime time.Copy !req
86. One minute against 1800 points?Copy !req
87. One minute that is so gutsy . . .Copy !req
88. . . .so edgy, so different . . .Copy !req
89. . . . that it'll be replayed for free
on every newscast.Copy !req
90. - What's the ad?
- Working on it.Copy !req
91. You go on and buy that airtime.Copy !req
92. Hi. Matt Santos.Copy !req
93. - I'm running for president.
- Hi.Copy !req
94. Anything on the debate rules?Copy !req
95. No interaction, no cross-examination.
It's everything we didn't want.Copy !req
96. - But—
- Debate's gonna be a wash.Copy !req
97. No one's gonna watch. It's—Copy !req
98. Everyone's calling it
The Return of the Seven Dwarves.Copy !req
99. - Two dwarves.
- Seven. The one with the big nose.Copy !req
100. - Gave me nightmares.
- Only Hoynes and Russell.Copy !req
101. They limited it to candidates
polling 20 percent.Copy !req
102. The Herald says
they're the only ones that could win.Copy !req
103. You guys are already working
on that silver bullet, huh?Copy !req
104. If only frontrunners can debate . . .Copy !req
105. . . . why not bar the rest of us
from the ballot altogether?Copy !req
106. If New Hampshire has suddenly
become the Soviet Republic . . .Copy !req
107. - . . . go all the way.
- We're gonna get in this.Copy !req
108. They can't shut two-thirds
of the field out of a debate.Copy !req
109. Oh, come on.
Don't even call it a debate.Copy !req
110. What do voters learn from
90 seconds of canned blather . . .Copy !req
111. . . . followed by 60 seconds of blather?Copy !req
112. Timing, I suppose.Copy !req
113. Look, there's a serious legal argument
to be made here.Copy !req
114. This could be seen as an illegal
contribution to both Hoynes and Russell.Copy !req
115. I know the case law.Copy !req
116. We get a team of election lawyers,
we storm the district court.Copy !req
117. I don't wanna sue my way into this.Copy !req
118. Shame the Herald,
kick up a huge cloud of dust.Copy !req
119. - Maybe the court stops the debate.
- I don't wanna stop it, I wanna get in it.Copy !req
120. The publisher won't meet with us.Copy !req
121. I couldn't get past the copy desk.Copy !req
122. Do you think the vice president
really wants to go . . .Copy !req
123. - . . . mano a mano with John Hoynes?
- No.Copy !req
124. Why elevate the number-two mano
in a crowded field?Copy !req
125. Maybe Russell will meet
the publisher with us.Copy !req
126. Demand a full and fair debate.Copy !req
127. Get Will Bailey on the phone.Copy !req
128. And call that postproduction shop
in Nashua.Copy !req
129. We need them open late.Copy !req
130. We're gonna make a TV ad.Copy !req
131. I got a letter from an 8-year-old girl
in Portsmouth who said, and I quote:Copy !req
132. "You are the greatest
vice president of my time. "Copy !req
133. Now, I'm not making this up.Copy !req
134. Thanks for your time, folks.Copy !req
135. - Have a good day.
- Thank you.Copy !req
136. A two-man debate?Copy !req
137. I told you the Herald was for Hoynes.Copy !req
138. They'll be denouncing me for not
giving him flier miles on Air Force Two.Copy !req
139. - Josh Lyman just called.
- He can have your job.Copy !req
140. Today, I think he'd take it.Copy !req
141. As long as he fakes my signature
on 300 wooden eggs.Copy !req
142. Santos wants you to go to the Herald,
say if all candidates aren't invited . . .Copy !req
143. . . .you'll stay home
and scramble those eggs alone.Copy !req
144. I can't look like I'm ducking Hoynes.Copy !req
145. Stand with Santos, Hoynes looks
like he's ducking the field.Copy !req
146. What about his debate rules?Copy !req
147. We want the seven dwarves to
be able to take direct shots at me?Copy !req
148. You realize you're one of them.Copy !req
149. - There are seven candidates.
- There must have been a head dwarf.Copy !req
150. That'd be Snow White.
Not what we're going for.Copy !req
151. Forget Santos' rules. He'll be grateful
just to get on that stage.Copy !req
152. The more dwarves we have up there . . .Copy !req
153. . . . the smaller John Hoynes
is gonna look.Copy !req
154. Will and I choreographed
this whole meeting.Copy !req
155. - Okay.
- Let Russell do the talking.Copy !req
156. Frontrunner. It should come from him.Copy !req
157. - Fine.
- You can bob your head appreciatively.Copy !req
158. I've been thinking about debate prep.
Hi.Copy !req
159. You were right.
We should bring in someone to help.Copy !req
160. - I'll make some calls.
- I've called already.Copy !req
161. - Who?
- Someone I know from the Hill.Copy !req
162. For performance stuff.
Eye-clicking, things like that.Copy !req
163. - Eye-clicking?
- Yeah, things like that.Copy !req
164. - Mr. Lowell.
- Congressman. Welcome to the Herald.Copy !req
165. - Mr. Vice President.
- Matt.Copy !req
166. You've come a long way
since House Administration.Copy !req
167. The vice president and I served
on the House Administration Committee.Copy !req
168. Siberia of committees.Copy !req
169. Non-binding resolutions
to limit non-binding resolutions.Copy !req
170. - That one was binding.
- Must have been some time ago.Copy !req
171. - Yeah, I think it was back in—
- Two years ago, actually.Copy !req
172. Well, I'll be frank.Copy !req
173. We're five days away from the primary,
two away from the debate.Copy !req
174. No offense,
you're not gonna be the nominee.Copy !req
175. How does it serve the voters
to clutter up the stage?Copy !req
176. I'm sure Fidel Castro would agree.Copy !req
177. Mackey, you're trying to do the right
thing, but it's downright undemocratic.Copy !req
178. My lawyers tell me that it could be
an illegal contribution to the campaigns.Copy !req
179. Without the full field,
I don't think I can participate.Copy !req
180. The people want another debate,
Mr. Vice President.Copy !req
181. I agree.
I was thinking of having my own.Copy !req
182. Invite the full field.Copy !req
183. - Who needs the Dover Herald?
- All seven Democrats.Copy !req
184. Right as rain, Mackey.Copy !req
185. We should also take a minute
to discuss format.Copy !req
186. These can be better, not just bigger.Copy !req
187. We saw what happened
in the New Jersey debates.Copy !req
188. Are we talking about the rules
you proposed?Copy !req
189. Don't we want this to be truly
democratic, with real back-and-forth?Copy !req
190. Each candidate has to answer
the questions . . .Copy !req
191. . . . not just another
seven-stump-speech collision.Copy !req
192. Well, I'm all for mixing it up,
but if we proposed a debate like that . . .Copy !req
193. - . . .no one would agree to it.
- What do you say, Mr. Vice President?Copy !req
194. A real debate, with all of the candidates
truly engaging on the issues.Copy !req
195. - Great.
- Terrific.Copy !req
196. I have to talk to my editorial board,
but I will take it to John Hoynes.Copy !req
197. - Matt.
- Mr. Vice President.Copy !req
198. Thank you very much, Mr. Lowell.Copy !req
199. Who do you think wanted to limit
non-binding resolutions?Copy !req
200. That did go a bit off plan.Copy !req
201. I won't be a punching bag
for Hoynes and Santos . . .Copy !req
202. . . . and every welterweight
who wants a quick tabloid hit.Copy !req
203. - I'll call Mackey and revisit the format.
- I threatened legal action.Copy !req
204. I'll say if they're using Santos' format,
we won't debate.Copy !req
205. You tell him we'll pay
for the debate ourselves.Copy !req
206. Me and Hoynes, Herald rules.Copy !req
207. And no one can say
it's an illegal contribution, anyway.Copy !req
208. Now, I didn't come here to be a guest
lecturer in Matt Santos' etiquette class.Copy !req
209. Yeah.Copy !req
210. Okay, so we're back
to a two-man debate. Thanks.Copy !req
211. You did push the rules business
a little hard.Copy !req
212. I don't know how anyone's helped by us
spewing out poll-tested pablum.Copy !req
213. We're not trying to help anyone,
we're trying to help you.Copy !req
214. Spoken like a true Athenian.Copy !req
215. So I guess we cancel
the debate prep, huh?Copy !req
216. No. Move ahead with it.Copy !req
217. - For a debate we're not even in.
- We have to get in.Copy !req
218. - I got two lawyers working on a brief.
- You're on this illegal contribution jag?Copy !req
219. Even if Russell paid,
he's still using the Herald's name . . .Copy !req
220. . . . getting a mountain of free media.
How is that not illegal?Copy !req
221. I am not taking this to court, Josh.Copy !req
222. We could try the Bob Russell thing.Copy !req
223. Get a bad haircut
and break ties in the Senate?Copy !req
224. - Hold our own debate.
- Me and my mirror.Copy !req
225. We rent the hall
across from the main debate.Copy !req
226. You personally invite
all the other candidates.Copy !req
227. We'd stir up the good-government
groups, editorial writers, local activists.Copy !req
228. Because the Dover Herald doesn't
decide who's a viable candidate . . .Copy !req
229. - . . . for the highest office.
- Frank Capra, eat your heart out.Copy !req
230. - Can we use my debate rules?
- You can use whatever rules you want.Copy !req
231. Just get ready to debate.Copy !req
232. We're gonna run this
in about 600 points.Copy !req
233. Very effective with swing-twos
in the mall test.Copy !req
234. I'm Bob Russell, and I approve this ad.Copy !req
235. In the United States Senate...Copy !req
236. John Hoynes had an 84 percent
NRA voting record.Copy !req
237. Now he claims he'll crack down
on handguns.Copy !req
238. As vice president, Hoynes praised...Copy !req
239. Pakistan's defense minister
as a bold thinker.Copy !req
240. So bold he may now be selling
nuclear secrets to Nigeria.Copy !req
241. You can't take America's side
by taking both sides.Copy !req
242. John Hoynes.
Whose side is he on?Copy !req
243. You sure we should run this?Copy !req
244. Wanna see his ad on your
Colorado mining connections again?Copy !req
245. Hello?Copy !req
246. Matt Santos, for the veep.Copy !req
247. He's tied up.Copy !req
248. I don't get why our ads are negative.Copy !req
249. I get it, but we're the frontrunner.
Do they have to be that negative?Copy !req
250. We need to work up some q & a
for the debate.Copy !req
251. Wanna grab dinner later?Copy !req
252. You're—? Are you asking me to dinner?Copy !req
253. - We've had dinner four nights in a row.
- You never asked. We just went.Copy !req
254. Who else am I gonna have dinner with?
Everyone else is 14 and irons their jeans.Copy !req
255. - Fine.
- Great.Copy !req
256. I need one-pagers on domestic policy
and NSC guidance on Pakistan.Copy !req
257. Thanks.Copy !req
258. So you wanna grab dinner later?Copy !req
259. Sure.Copy !req
260. Just set it up like a real debate. Seven
podiums, a table for the moderator.Copy !req
261. When we get to headquarters,
we'll draft a statement.Copy !req
262. - We'll miss debate prep.
- Santos is gonna work . . .Copy !req
263. - . . . with a guy I'm bringing in.
- Smart of you to widen the team.Copy !req
264. Thanks. What we're gonna do . . .Copy !req
265. . . .is start a massive
public-relations crusade.Copy !req
266. - Tonight?
- Do you have that list . . .Copy !req
267. - . . . of opinion makers?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
268. We're gonna call
every political reporter in this state . . .Copy !req
269. . . . every party leader,
every PTA recording secretary.Copy !req
270. Tell them we're holding our own debate.
The Herald's debate is a sham.Copy !req
271. You really believe anyone's
gonna cover our debate?Copy !req
272. Ours is a Trojan debate.
Won't happen.Copy !req
273. We're gonna turn public opinion
so they let us in the main debate.Copy !req
274. - That'll work?
- if I wanted your opinion . . .Copy !req
275. . . .I would stick you
in a focus group in southern Missouri.Copy !req
276. - The ad.
- I don't understand that either.Copy !req
277. Hey, we're broke, okay?
We can't afford a huge, glitzy ad buy . . .Copy !req
278. . . .so we run something feisty, funny,
out of the box.Copy !req
279. Turns our one minute of prime time
into a national sensation.Copy !req
280. Santos on skates, wearing a goalie
outfit, pledging to defend America.Copy !req
281. - Closer to the box than that.
- Well, what's the message?Copy !req
282. How about our exclusion
from the debates? Let's try that.Copy !req
283. What do we do? Film chicken coops and
say they're too chicken to debate us?Copy !req
284. I want two volunteers.
I want them in giant chicken suits.Copy !req
285. In my office first thing in the morning.Copy !req
286. - Chicken suits.
- He's gonna like this?Copy !req
287. He's gonna like what keeps him in the
race. But let's not, you know, tell him.Copy !req
288. Feisty.Copy !req
289. Play around with the poultry theme.Copy !req
290. Hi.Copy !req
291. - Hi.
- Little cold for ice cream, isn't it?Copy !req
292. I mean, you could have
bought just cream.Copy !req
293. I embrace the cold.Copy !req
294. - Okay.
- I luxuriate in the cold.Copy !req
295. - Can I ask you—?
- I fight cold with more cold.Copy !req
296. - What are you doing here?
- I could ask the same . . .Copy !req
297. . . . but in your case,
it's more of an existential question.Copy !req
298. When I want dark, depressing thoughts
about alienation, I watch cable news.Copy !req
299. That's funny.Copy !req
300. - You're funny.
- Know what's funny?Copy !req
301. You didn't call me before you gave
that speech at the Shorenstein Center.Copy !req
302. I run the Women's Majority Fund.
I make hundreds of speeches.Copy !req
303. Trashing the entire Democratic field?Copy !req
304. Saying we're gonna lose
before we even have a nominee?Copy !req
305. - I was throwing down a gauntlet.
- Where I'm from, it's littering.Copy !req
306. The field's pathetic.
Not one can take . . .Copy !req
307. . . . the Republicans. I called them
the seven dwarves for a reason.Copy !req
308. I'm not gonna get into an argument
about whether size matters.Copy !req
309. I'm here in the trenches,
running a one-man show . . .Copy !req
310. . . . and I'm sick of Democrats
eating their young.Copy !req
311. Wash them down with a little
Rocky Road, it's not so bad.Copy !req
312. - You haven't told me what you're doing.
- Miss Gardner, your room is ready.Copy !req
313. The simple answer is . . .Copy !req
314. . . . prepping Santos for the debate
you haven't gotten him.Copy !req
315. The existential answer?Copy !req
316. It's tricky stuff, Joshua.Copy !req
317. I want you at every Hoynes
and Russell event for 36 hours.Copy !req
318. Obviously,
Bob goes to the Russell events . . .Copy !req
319. . . . and John the Hoynes.Copy !req
320. You know, Bob, John . . . .
We're making a serious point here.Copy !req
321. We're trying to turn public opinion,
so no roughhousing . . .Copy !req
322. . . .no tearing down signs,
no excessive flapping of the wings.Copy !req
323. Don't lie about what you're doing there.
Don't heckle.Copy !req
324. If you get the chance,
you ask humbly and respectfully:Copy !req
325. "Are you too chicken
to debate the full field?"Copy !req
326. On a personal note, thanks for . . . .Copy !req
327. You know.Copy !req
328. Okay. Let's go out and get them, guys.Copy !req
329. No one's accepted our debate.Copy !req
330. The Monitor and the Post-Dispatch are
editorializing against the Herald debate.Copy !req
331. Two lousy editorials? That's it?Copy !req
332. We've been calling everyone.
The nationals won't bite.Copy !req
333. I stopped by our debate site,
looks great.Copy !req
334. Tell our Potemkin advance team
great work.Copy !req
335. The second they post those editorials,
I need pull quotes for the ad.Copy !req
336. Why aren't we putting
policy in the ad?Copy !req
337. - We got great policy.
- We're trying to get media.Copy !req
338. Great policy doesn't give goose bumps
to bored, 55-year-old segment producers.Copy !req
339. - As opposed to—?
- Chickens.Copy !req
340. - It's a complicated business.
- You have no idea.Copy !req
341. You're not gonna believe
who's on the phone.Copy !req
342. I feel terrible making you do this
when I'm not even in the debate.Copy !req
343. You're not in the Olympics either,
doesn't mean you don't do some sit-ups.Copy !req
344. You've coached 50 women congressional
candidates to debate wins . . .Copy !req
345. - . . .so there must be some secret.
- There is.Copy !req
346. Keep an extra pair of pantyhose
in your purse.Copy !req
347. After bombing the way I did in Iowa,
I'm not gonna rule that out.Copy !req
348. Congressman, I looked at the tapes.Copy !req
349. You're great. You're quotable . . .Copy !req
350. . . . cute enough to be
a presidential pinup.Copy !req
351. Wait until you see my runway work.Copy !req
352. You don't have the presidential voice.Copy !req
353. - The presidential voice?
- You don't have it.Copy !req
354. And it's a time of global peril . . .Copy !req
355. . . . and you're sharing the stage
with two vice presidents.Copy !req
356. Or not.Copy !req
357. What do you think
of the nationalist gains . . .Copy !req
358. . . .in the Russian parliamentary
elections?Copy !req
359. It ain't the Litchfield City Council,
but Russia makes its own choices.Copy !req
360. And in a democracy—Copy !req
361. The lamer half
of Jay Leno's monologue.Copy !req
362. You're not a House backbencher
trying to get on CNN.Copy !req
363. Sobriety, understatement.
Let the words carry the authority.Copy !req
364. - A presidential voice.
- Think filling out a suit . . .Copy !req
365. - . . . instead of wearing orange—
- Pantyhose.Copy !req
366. I was gonna say neckties,
but what the hell.Copy !req
367. How's the eye-clicking?Copy !req
368. We're still on hosiery.Copy !req
369. - I need the congressman for a minute.
- Yeah.Copy !req
370. Thanks, Amy.Copy !req
371. How's the ad?Copy !req
372. We'll have something
by prime time tomorrow night.Copy !req
373. Look, I'm sorry
I didn't tell you about Amy.Copy !req
374. I just got a call from
Hoynes' campaign manager.Copy !req
375. - Hoynes wants to meet.
- He wants us in the debate?Copy !req
376. I can't imagine why,
but we're getting some good editorials.Copy !req
377. Maybe making more hay
than I thought.Copy !req
378. - Want me to come?
- After your soliloquy at the Herald . . .Copy !req
379. - . . .I should take the solo this time.
- Okay.Copy !req
380. You got a few minutes for debate prep?
I know how you feel about me—Copy !req
381. You should get back in there.Copy !req
382. Know what I'm finding,
being on the trail?Copy !req
383. - What's that?
- I never stop talking.Copy !req
384. No, really, I'm surprised I don't
babble like an idiot in the shower.Copy !req
385. Fifteen stops a day. Eight speeches.
Five interviews.Copy !req
386. I could do a good 45 seconds
on your overcoat.Copy !req
387. - Okay, let's not.
- It's a stitch too little, a season too late.Copy !req
388. Josh, you can do better.
America can do better.Copy !req
389. - You wanted to talk about the debate?
- I don't.Copy !req
390. - Why'd you return the call?
- I called you, not the congressman.Copy !req
391. You think I wanna tell him no?Copy !req
392. You know how this works.
They only put me on if I say yes.Copy !req
393. You do benefit
from a two-man debate . . .Copy !req
394. . . . but there are editorials
denouncing the Herald's decision.Copy !req
395. Public opinion's turning.
You're gonna see it at your events.Copy !req
396. Well, first of all, Russell's picking
up the tab. It's his decision.Copy !req
397. And second, the way Russell's
hammering me in these ads . . .Copy !req
398. . . .I gotta get him up there,
one-on-one.Copy !req
399. So why did you wanna see me?Copy !req
400. I wanna talk about Matt Santos'
statement on Pakistan.Copy !req
401. You're the only one.Copy !req
402. "Free and nuclear-free"?Copy !req
403. I used that exact phrase myself
at the Merrimack Chamber.Copy !req
404. We're working from the same material,
let's coordinate.Copy !req
405. We don't wanna get caught up
in a plagiarism charge.Copy !req
406. - What?
- Amy's memos.Copy !req
407. - Amy?
- Amy Gardner.Copy !req
408. Her memos on the presidential voice?Copy !req
409. That's where I got the line.
I assume that's where you got it.Copy !req
410. Now, if we're both gonna use them,
let's divvy them up.Copy !req
411. - She gave you the memos?
- "Security as the new women's issue. "Copy !req
412. - Pretty smart stuff.
- Sir, we're ready for you.Copy !req
413. Time's up, Josh. Gotta keep talking.Copy !req
414. When Russell was in Congress...Copy !req
415. Common Cause called him
big mining's best friend.Copy !req
416. Congress Watch said
there isn't a mining loophole...Copy !req
417. or giveaway he won't support.Copy !req
418. That's the new Hoynes spot?Copy !req
419. - Hoynes approved it, into the camera.
- I fought for that in Congress.Copy !req
420. If candidates had to look into
the camera and approve every ad . . .Copy !req
421. . . .it would somehow raise
the tone of these campaigns.Copy !req
422. It's not working very well.Copy !req
423. Candidates just approve at the top so by
the time they twist the knife, you forget.Copy !req
424. Bob Russell.
Good for the Colorado mining industry.Copy !req
425. But is he good for New Hampshire?Copy !req
426. I'm going back to the hotel
for my debate prep.Copy !req
427. One advantage
of being vice president . . .Copy !req
428. . . . aside from the motorcades
and the hoopla . . .Copy !req
429. . . .is the honor of standing behind
the vice-presidential seal.Copy !req
430. Tell you what I like about
the vice-presidential seal.Copy !req
431. If you close your left eye and you squint
really hard and you tilt your head . . . .Copy !req
432. Here's what's troubling me
about our answer on Pakistan.Copy !req
433. We're exploiting unverified claims denied
by the Pakistani and Nigerian cabinets?Copy !req
434. I was gonna say our
60-second answer's like 90.Copy !req
435. I hate it when clandestine proliferation
networks won't stay on the clock.Copy !req
436. - Mom, look.
- Oh, my.Copy !req
437. —the heart of who we are as a people.
But I am committed . . .Copy !req
438. - . . .to manufacturing in this country.
- You sure that was Advil you gave me?Copy !req
439. - That is a large chicken.
- That's not the mascot.Copy !req
440. - Aren't they the Fighting Wombats?
- Warthogs.Copy !req
441. - Mr. Vice President.
- We magged him. He's clean.Copy !req
442. Excuse me, Mr. Vice President.
Excuse me.Copy !req
443. About the debate. Why are you not
willing to have full participation?Copy !req
444. - Are you chicken?
- I'm going in.Copy !req
445. May I ask, sir, why you're not willing?
Why are you not—?Copy !req
446. - You're from the Santos campaign.
- Yes.Copy !req
447. Do you realize how pathetic this is?
Do your parents know?Copy !req
448. Pakistan could be arming Nigeria,
a potential Muslim coup . . .Copy !req
449. . . . and you're pulling pranks.Copy !req
450. If this is democracy, Santos belongs
in a fraternity house, not a debate.Copy !req
451. Now, go dip your beak
in someone else's feed.Copy !req
452. Tell me you're not gonna use that.Copy !req
453. There are whole generations of
Russians who were trained by the KGB.Copy !req
454. When the wall fell,
they didn't all go open pizzerias.Copy !req
455. - That's not to say that—
- No, no, no.Copy !req
456. Bad, bad, bad.Copy !req
457. If I could pull a lever and drop you,
I'd do it.Copy !req
458. - What, my analysis isn't right?
- Your analysis is fine.Copy !req
459. I don't know how to explain. It's not
a pop quiz and it's not a talk show.Copy !req
460. The leader of the free world has to speak
in broad concepts, in value statements.Copy !req
461. "I love America.
I will lead the world towards liberty. "Copy !req
462. Oh, I don't sound pompous enough.Copy !req
463. You're commenting on events,
not shaping them.Copy !req
464. I don't shape them,
and it's not the way I think.Copy !req
465. The prospect of first-strike capability's
gotta change the way you think.Copy !req
466. Anything from Hoynes?Copy !req
467. Yeah. I need five minutes with Amy.Copy !req
468. Take 10. I'm gonna call my wife.Copy !req
469. Show Amy how little I shape events.Copy !req
470. I'm trying to explain
the presidential voice.Copy !req
471. The difference between leading
the marketplace and catering to it.Copy !req
472. The difference between, I don't know,
John Lennon and John Davidson.Copy !req
473. Sergeant Pepper
and the fifth Herman's Hermits album.Copy !req
474. - You're working for Hoynes.
- I'm not.Copy !req
475. You're giving one-liners
to two campaigns.Copy !req
476. It was a memo.
I gave it to all seven.Copy !req
477. I suppose your love is a free gift
to the Bolshevik brothers too.Copy !req
478. Did you see the gender gap
in the last election?Copy !req
479. Probably not,
because there wasn't one.Copy !req
480. Yeah, and since chicks
really dig plagiarism, this'll help.Copy !req
481. Security's the new women's issue.
It's why we're losing.Copy !req
482. People are scared and Democrats sound
like think-tank hair-twirlers.Copy !req
483. - So you pick a candidate and help him.
- And if that candidate doesn't win?Copy !req
484. - Want a warranty?
- I want every candidate . . .Copy !req
485. - . . .to be able to take the Republicans.
- You don't give a damn.Copy !req
486. - You want—
- The whole party to be stronger. Right.Copy !req
487. We don't open our inner circle
to earth mothers.Copy !req
488. Who's we?
You didn't even know I was coming.Copy !req
489. No, but I know you're leaving.Copy !req
490. And don't knock Herman's Hermits.
It's hard enough getting on the charts.Copy !req
491. What happened in here?Copy !req
492. Amy practically knocked me over
in the lobby.Copy !req
493. - She's going back to Washington.
- You fired her?Copy !req
494. She's been advising the whole field.
Hoynes used the same line on Pakistan.Copy !req
495. She's brilliant.
I can understand how you'd want her.Copy !req
496. She's my ex, so you didn't tell me.Copy !req
497. - if you had trusted me for two seconds—
- I knew she was advising everyone.Copy !req
498. That's why I didn't tell you.
You think I care about your dating life?Copy !req
499. Okay. Let's get back to Politics 101.
The object is to beat the other guys.Copy !req
500. We are all getting beaten on security.
It's like these debate rules.Copy !req
501. If all of us were better, maybe one
of us would finally break through.Copy !req
502. And did I just see chickens on CNN
up in my hotel room?Copy !req
503. This may not be the best time,
but we have to get over to the court.Copy !req
504. - It closes in an hour.
- We are not going to any cou— Chickens?Copy !req
505. I had the lawyers finish the brief.
They're waiting.Copy !req
506. - Tell them to find an ambulance to chase!
- In case you didn't notice, we're in one!Copy !req
507. We're hosting a debate
that nobody is coming to . . .Copy !req
508. . . . with two lousy editorials
taking our side?Copy !req
509. Why do you keep making me
have this argument?Copy !req
510. Because it's not the way
I wanna do things.Copy !req
511. Being in a real debate,
like an actual candidate?Copy !req
512. Amy's telling me to be more presidential,
you want me to act like a Mob attorney!Copy !req
513. Here's what Amy won't tell you
about the voice:Copy !req
514. You have to become president
to use it.Copy !req
515. He wouldn't let me go to the court.
I had the brief.Copy !req
516. We were ready to go.Copy !req
517. If you end up canceling your alternate
debate because of lack of interest . . .Copy !req
518. . . . the field shrank to six dwarves
and a porcelain donkey.Copy !req
519. - Collectible.
- You should have told him a case...Copy !req
520. - . . . kicks up a media storm.
- He has the PR instincts of Idi Amin.Copy !req
521. Now we're shut out of a debate . . .Copy !req
522. . . .I fired my ex-girlfriend
from a job she never had . . .Copy !req
523. . . . Santos practically had me
batter-dipped and seasoned . . .Copy !req
524. . . . when he saw Donna
fighting a giant chicken on CNN.Copy !req
525. - Talk about dignifying a weak opponent.
- Yeah.Copy !req
526. You don't engage a chicken. Didn't you
teach that girl not to engage a chicken?Copy !req
527. Though, I swear,
watching the footage . . .Copy !req
528. . . .it looks like she's gonna pluck
the feathers right off.Copy !req
529. - It's the best press we've had all week.
- Gotta go.Copy !req
530. - Postproduction guys worked all night.
- Yeah.Copy !req
531. Did you get a cell number for Amy?Copy !req
532. Actually, she called and left it
for the congressman . . .Copy !req
533. . . . but made me promise
not to give it to you.Copy !req
534. - Hey.
- Well, let's see the ad.Copy !req
535. Health-care costs are spiraling.
That's something we should debate.Copy !req
536. Then why has Bob Russell refused
to take part in a real debate?Copy !req
537. The people of New Hampshire deserve
to hear us speak about the issues.Copy !req
538. I'm looking forward to the debates.Copy !req
539. Why won't John Hoynes debate
all his opponents?Copy !req
540. The Concord Monitor
calls tomorrow's debate...Copy !req
541. "an illegal contribution to
the Russell and Hoynes campaigns. "Copy !req
542. Post-Dispatch says
"a subversion of democracy. "Copy !req
543. Or maybe they're just chicken.Copy !req
544. It's an attack ad.Copy !req
545. They shut us out of the debate.
We should crawl and thank them?Copy !req
546. You expect me to look into a camera
and say I approved that.Copy !req
547. We were gonna put that at the top.Copy !req
548. Thank you all for all of your hard work.Copy !req
549. We're not running it.Copy !req
550. Congressman, this is your argument.Copy !req
551. - People deserve a full and fair debate.
- It wasn't what I had in mind.Copy !req
552. What did you have in mind?Copy !req
553. - I don't know.
- Oh, great.Copy !req
554. I'll call the editing bay.Copy !req
555. We need to overhaul the spot. We have
no clue, but get it ready for broadcast.Copy !req
556. - It's sketch comedy.
- It's fun. It's feisty.Copy !req
557. - It'll get us on the news.
- It's cheap.Copy !req
558. What did you expect?
I'm sorry, but nobody else cares . . .Copy !req
559. . . . about your
Marquess of Queensbury Rules.Copy !req
560. I didn't want this to be some crank
campaign, swinging wildly at Eden.Copy !req
561. Well, guess what. That's what we are.Copy !req
562. I like your debate rules, congressman.
Honestly, I do.Copy !req
563. And I admire your campaign ethics.
But we're game players, not rule makers.Copy !req
564. And if we walk away from our
last chance to make any kind of splash . . .Copy !req
565. . . . and this is our last chance . . .Copy !req
566. . . . the only rules we're gonna need are
for long, lingering games of shuffleboard.Copy !req
567. We got a good ad.
We got a minute of prime time . . .Copy !req
568. . . . on one of the top stations in the state.
You don't wanna run it, it's up to you.Copy !req
569. - Congressman, do you need some time?
- No, it's fine.Copy !req
570. Maybe we could run a bit
of your stump speech.Copy !req
571. Get the footage from C-SPAN.Copy !req
572. In less than one hour?Copy !req
573. Yeah, probably not.Copy !req
574. Say, did you happen to catch the
New Jersey Senate debate last week?Copy !req
575. No, sir.Copy !req
576. Someone asked about
the situation in Freedonia . . .Copy !req
577. . . . and Barber said
that he was studying it.Copy !req
578. Freedonia's fake.Copy !req
579. It's from a Marx Brothers movie.Copy !req
580. And there was no follow-up,
no cross-examination.Copy !req
581. The bigger story in the papers
the next day . . .Copy !req
582. . . . was how he slammed his opponent
for being too liberal.Copy !req
583. You get into this thinking to yourself . . .Copy !req
584. . . . that you're gonna
play by your own rules . . .Copy !req
585. . . . and then, bit by bit,
you chip away at them . . .Copy !req
586. . . . until you can't even name the game.Copy !req
587. You were a history major
over at UT, weren't you?Copy !req
588. - Yes.
- You think there's such a thing . . .Copy !req
589. . . .as a presidential voice?Copy !req
590. Seemed to me that the president makes
the voice, not the other way around.Copy !req
591. We're going to WMUR.Copy !req
592. To drop off the ad?Copy !req
593. - I'm gonna do it live, to camera.
- Do what live to camera?Copy !req
594. Get a room and a laptop.
We'll figure it out when we get there.Copy !req
595. - Call the director. We need—
- Room and a laptop.Copy !req
596. Right, and call—Copy !req
597. Call anyone else you think
you should call.Copy !req
598. - Congressman. This way.
- Hi.Copy !req
599. Hey, this is exciting stuff.Copy !req
600. - We love live TV around here.
- Yeah, me too. I love it.Copy !req
601. Talking about Pakistan? Hard for
a House member to do much.Copy !req
602. - I don't wanna spoil the surprise.
- Forgive the staff. They're jaded.Copy !req
603. They hardly look up when
the first-tier candidates come through.Copy !req
604. Fifteen seconds to live.
Stand by to roll VTR.Copy !req
605. Stand by, VTR audio.Copy !req
606. - Coming live in six, five . . .
- And roll VTR.Copy !req
607. . . . four, three, two . . . .Copy !req
608. Good evening.
I'm running for president.Copy !req
609. And if you don't know who I am,
I wouldn't be surprised.Copy !req
610. I've been shut out of tomorrow's debate
for suggesting it actually be a debate . . .Copy !req
611. . . . and this is the only ad I can afford.Copy !req
612. I got in this to improve
a broken school system . . .Copy !req
613. . . . fix entitlements, because
they're going bankrupt . . .Copy !req
614. . . .to expand health coverage.Copy !req
615. It'll save money if fewer people
show up in emergency rooms.Copy !req
616. What I've found is that presidential
campaigns aren't about these things.Copy !req
617. They're about clawing your opponents
so long as you don't get tagged for it.Copy !req
618. So how about this:Copy !req
619. I will never say anything about my
opponents, or anything about anything . . .Copy !req
620. . . . without saying it myself,
right into the camera.Copy !req
621. You might not get to hear much
of me, but when you do . . .Copy !req
622. . . .you'll know I stand by it.Copy !req
623. I'm Matt Santos, and you better
believe I approved this ad.Copy !req
624. The hard part's clearing
your throat, really.Copy !req
625. Great job.Copy !req
626. Yes, sir, we're still taking donations.Copy !req
627. Well, I honestly don't know
if we could run the ad again.Copy !req
628. It wasn't really— I'm sorry.
Could you hold, please?Copy !req
629. Hello, Santos for—Copy !req
630. Federal limit's $2000.
Could you please hold for a second.Copy !req
631. - Hoynes isn't commenting on your ad.
- I'm not commenting on his failure to . . .Copy !req
632. . . .so tag, he's it.Copy !req
633. Are you planning to go on TV more?Copy !req
634. I'm trying to get my own game show,
Let's Make a Country.Copy !req
635. I'll keep you posted.Copy !req
636. - I don't understand the strategy.
- I wouldn't call it a strategy, per se.Copy !req
637. - Obviously, we've talked about it.
- Before you wrote the ad.Copy !req
638. - Matt Santos wrote the ad.
- Come on, Josh.Copy !req
639. - We're on deep background here.
- He wrote it.Copy !req
640. - Off the record, then.
- Put me in Witness Protection.Copy !req
641. The guy wrote his own ad.Copy !req
642. I will never say anything about my
opponents, or anything about anything...Copy !req
643. without saying it myself,
right into the camera.Copy !req
644. I'm Matt Santos, and you better believe
I approved this ad.Copy !req
645. It's hard to say whether Congressman
Santos ' minute of prime time...Copy !req
646. will turn his campaign around...Copy !req
647. but many political observers agree
that the unusual ad...Copy !req
648. run on rival station WMUR,
raises the question:Copy !req
649. If candidates mean what they say,
why don't they simply say it themselves?Copy !req
650. Look, Amy, it's really hard out there.Copy !req
651. We got people lobbing grenades at us
from all sides, even our friends.Copy !req
652. They need to know if you can take it.Copy !req
653. Even your friends.Copy !req
654. For its part, the Russell campaign
says that it stands by all its ads...Copy !req
655. which is why Bob Russell appears
on-screen attesting to its veracity.Copy !req
656. - I should be calling columnists.
- Don't.Copy !req
657. - No, we should be doing spinoff events.
- Don't.Copy !req
658. - We should be sending out copies of—
- Don't. Stop.Copy !req
659. This spins itself. Send copies,
they're gonna stop running it.Copy !req
660. - So, what do I do?
- Sit here.Copy !req
661. —voters don't especially like,
and defending a campaign-reform law...Copy !req
662. that hasn 't done much
to clean up campaigns.Copy !req
663. For its part—Copy !req
664. What Congressman Santos did tonight,
intentionally or not, was put both...Copy !req
665. - What happens now?
- Very little.Copy !req
666. —defending a campaign-reform law...Copy !req
667. that hasn 't cleaned up campaigns.Copy !req
668. Is it cynical that candidates
excluded from the main debate . . .Copy !req
669. . . . have now accepted your offer?Copy !req
670. I don't call it cynical. Yesterday,
this looked like a vanity exercise.Copy !req
671. I might not have accepted it myself.Copy !req
672. MSNBC's announced they're running
the debates back-to-back.Copy !req
673. And I'd watch them,
but I'm busy that night.Copy !req
674. A disaster. We're not getting coverage
of Politics and Eggs . . .Copy !req
675. - . . . of "get tough on Pakistan"--
- Press loves an underdog.Copy !req
676. - How many points behind this ad?
- None. It's all free media.Copy !req
677. Can we ramp up our media buy?Copy !req
678. Pull the negatives,
replace them with positives.Copy !req
679. That sounds like a retreat.Copy !req
680. - Press will smell blood.
- It's a multi-candidate field.Copy !req
681. If the press loves him,
and we're rolling in the mud—Copy !req
682. We're leading in the polls.
How did we end up in a crouch?Copy !req
683. I'm not changing my ads
because of a stunt.Copy !req
684. - You saw the debate editorials.
- Thank God we kept him out.Copy !req
685. He'd have shown up in a powdered wig,
quoting from the Federalist Papers.Copy !req
686. I disagree.Copy !req
687. I don't agree, Mr. Vice President.Copy !req
688. Maybe it is a stunt,
but if it is, we invited it.Copy !req
689. By trying to ride above the herd, treating
everybody else as if they were a herd.Copy !req
690. You have to go to Santos' debate.
Then Hoynes would have to go.Copy !req
691. Then we're letting the chips fall
on you, on your ideas.Copy !req
692. Not on some Machiavellian maneuver.Copy !req
693. And what's the alternative?Copy !req
694. Alienating Pakistan, which cuts off . . .Copy !req
695. . . . our only decent source
of intelligence in that region.Copy !req
696. I actually agree with John Hoynes
on this one.Copy !req
697. We have to keep that part of the world
free, prosperous and also nuclear-free.Copy !req
698. - Chest-beating's not gonna do it.
- Thanks.Copy !req
699. - That's great.
- Thanks, guys.Copy !req
700. - Where have you been?
- I got tied up.Copy !req
701. I'm fine if we wanna bring Amy back.Copy !req
702. Any news?Copy !req
703. Hoynes turned us down
for the debate again.Copy !req
704. He must have been scared off
by what he saw on TV.Copy !req
705. At this point, even raw opportunism
would suggest that—Copy !req
706. Bob Russell for the congressman.Copy !req
707. Mr. Vice President. Yes.Copy !req
708. And after Vice President Russell
decided to skip today's Herald debate...Copy !req
709. and join Congressman Santos,
the Hoynes campaign had no choice...Copy !req
710. but to do so as well. One thing's for
the debate you're about to see...Copy !req
711. isn't the one John Hoynes and
Bob Russell wanted just two days—Copy !req
712. We had a tougher line
on means testing.Copy !req
713. You're gonna wanna save that
for the cross-examination.Copy !req
714. Right.Copy !req
715. —are sure to make
this seven-way debate a must-see.Copy !req
716. Have you ever actually closed one eye,
tilted your head and looked at the seal?Copy !req
717. I hate to admit it, but yes.Copy !req
718. - Really just a blurry-Iooking seal, isn't it?
- I'm thinking about closing both eyes.Copy !req
719. What was it you said
about frontrunners?Copy !req
720. - Everything to lose, nothing to win?
- And tip the dealer.Copy !req
721. - Wanna grab dinner?
- Who else am I gonna have dinner with?Copy !req
722. —the Hoynes campaign had
to do so as well.Copy !req
723. Testing. One, two, three. Testing.Copy !req
724. Thank you for being
part of this very special...Copy !req
725. New Hampshire Democratic
primary debate.Copy !req
726. I don't know if I've served you
very well over the past few days.Copy !req
727. What are you talking about?Copy !req
728. The ad was your idea.
So was this debate.Copy !req
729. I never thought we'd be here.Copy !req
730. It's a miracle I ordered podiums.Copy !req
731. Truth is, I can't think of one thing
I've done to make this your campaign . . .Copy !req
732. . . . and not some cookie-cutter
Beltway hack-a-thon.Copy !req
733. Well, I can think of one.Copy !req
734. - You put me in it.
- Gentlemen, if you'll take your places.Copy !req
735. Can I buy you an ice-cream cone
when this is over?Copy !req
736. My flight's in an hour.Copy !req
737. You're not gonna stay and watch?Copy !req
738. Could never stand to see candidates
flub my lines, anyway.Copy !req
739. Please take your seats.Copy !req
740. Welcome.
Thank you for joining us today . . .Copy !req
741. . . . for the final debate of
the New Hampshire Democratic primary.Copy !req
742. For the next 90 minutes, our panel
will ask questions of the candidates . . .Copy !req
743. . . . and all candidates will answer,
and all candidates must answer . . .Copy !req
744. . . . before the debate is to proceed.Copy !req
745. Then each candidate
will be given the opportunity . . .Copy !req
746. . . .to cross-examine
her or his opponent.Copy !req