1. - Previously on The West Wing:
- One or two demands. No problem.Copy !req
2. - I also need unfettered access to you.
- No.Copy !req
3. - Respectfully...
- It's a deal breaker.Copy !req
4. You didn't keep records,
you violated medical practices.Copy !req
5. And in going after me,
they can paint the president.Copy !req
6. - Can I offer Buckland...?
- No.Copy !req
7. He's gonna mouth off.Copy !req
8. Put it out he tried
to blackmail the president.Copy !req
9. - Everyone will know the leak was us.
- You're pissed at me?Copy !req
10. I don't believe it. I don't believe you.Copy !req
11. - Abbey...
- Go to hell.Copy !req
12. - I'm not wild about Camp David.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
13. I'm not the only one either.
Bess Truman didn't like it.Copy !req
14. I read that somewhere.
She thought it was dull.Copy !req
15. But there I go.
Thanksgiving at Camp David.Copy !req
16. Yeah.Copy !req
17. It's not a place you'd go at Thanksgiving,
not when you have a farm.Copy !req
18. - Isn't Camp David a farm?
- No.Copy !req
19. - What makes you think it's a farm?
- I don't know. It's outside.Copy !req
20. Farms have things
you can grow and animals.Copy !req
21. - Right.
- I want you to learn more about farms.Copy !req
22. - There's more?
- Yeah.Copy !req
23. - Okay.
- It doesn't matter.Copy !req
24. Thanksgiving's where your family is,
and this year my family's at Camp David.Copy !req
25. Why? I do not know.Copy !req
26. Abbey didn't wanna schlep
to New Hampshire.Copy !req
27. Schlepping in a 747...Copy !req
28. it's not like we were
gonna have to carry our own bags.Copy !req
29. But I do not argue.Copy !req
30. - Were we talking about something?
- I don't know. When I came in here...Copy !req
31. back in the '50s
there was a purpose to it.Copy !req
32. But then one thing led to another,
and I blacked out.Copy !req
33. I can hang with the best,
but during the discussion...Copy !req
34. of anise, coriander
and the 15 spices...Copy !req
35. you like to use to baste a turkey,
I simply lost consciousness.Copy !req
36. You know that line you're not
supposed to cross with the president?Copy !req
37. - I'm coming up on it?
- No, no, look behind you.Copy !req
38. Yes, sir.Copy !req
39. - Would you like to leave?
- With your permission, sir.Copy !req
40. - Damn right with my permission.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
41. It's the brine that keeps the meat soft.
Soak it overnight in water, salt, sugar...Copy !req
42. - Seventeen kinds of...
- Seventeen spices, including?Copy !req
43. - Anise and coriander.
- Now you can go.Copy !req
44. Thank you, Mr. President.Copy !req
45. - How you doing?
- I'm done, baby.Copy !req
46. - Yeah?
- I set up the meeting with The Post.Copy !req
47. I did a briefing on
the wheat-gluten import quota...Copy !req
48. we pardoned the turkey,
I went to my dentist.Copy !req
49. So there are these
two Indians in the lobby.Copy !req
50. Yeah?Copy !req
51. No, that's not the beginning of a joke.
There are these two Indians in the lobby.Copy !req
52. - Yeah?
- They had a meeting with Jacob Cutler...Copy !req
53. at Intergovernmental Affairs.Copy !req
54. Cutler had to cancel so he
could see Northwestern...Copy !req
55. governors to discuss porous
borders between the U.S. and Canada.Copy !req
56. The governors of Washington, Idaho,
North Dakota, Montana and Alaska.Copy !req
57. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
58. The Indians say they're not leaving
until they get satisfaction.Copy !req
59. - How is this my problem?
- There's two Indians sitting in the lobby.Copy !req
60. They're not leaving,
there's press everywhere...Copy !req
61. I just made it your problem.Copy !req
62. Indians on the day before Thanksgiving.
Wow. Ironic.Copy !req
63. Yeah.Copy !req
64. Henry, I got it, thanks.
Good morning, I'm C.J. Cregg.Copy !req
65. I'm Maggie Morningstar-Charles, and this
is our tribal counsel, Jack Lone Feather.Copy !req
66. I'm sorry about your meeting. Mr. Cutler
had to meet with some governors.Copy !req
67. Yes.Copy !req
68. - It'll be no problem to reschedule.
- Oh, we can wait.Copy !req
69. Would you like to step into my office
and reschedule it now?Copy !req
70. - We're fine here.
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
71. She said,"We're fine here."Copy !req
72. - Actually, you're not fine here.
- Then you can forcibly remove us.Copy !req
73. Correspondents from The Times, Reuters,
CNN and The Miami Herald are here.Copy !req
74. And The Washington Post
is on speed dial.Copy !req
75. This has to do with us screwing you
out of your land.Copy !req
76. Yes.Copy !req
77. See, I was done.Copy !req
78. I was just coming to see you.
Did you hear about the Indians?Copy !req
79. One of them wants to become a rabbi?Copy !req
80. It's not a joke, they're really...
Never mind.Copy !req
81. Last week, a 13-year-old kid in Georgia
shot his teacher in the back of the head.Copy !req
82. I read about that.
They can't find the kid.Copy !req
83. Interpol made the arrest
last night in Rome.Copy !req
84. - In Italy?
- His parents... Yeah, Rome in Italy.Copy !req
85. His parents sent him there as soon
as it happened.Copy !req
86. The parents are in custody.Copy !req
87. The governor wants him back,
and Italy won't extradite...Copy !req
88. to a country that has
the death penalty.Copy !req
89. The governor wants Justice to help.Copy !req
90. Why isn't this conversation taking place
in the DeKalb DA's office?Copy !req
91. - It's taken on an international flavor.
- Much like myself.Copy !req
92. - Yeah. You'll talk to some people?
- We'll see.Copy !req
93. - And you'll stop doing that soon?
- Yeah.Copy !req
94. - Sam?
- Yeah.Copy !req
95. Are you guarding my office?Copy !req
96. - That's funny.
- Thank you.Copy !req
97. Yeah?Copy !req
98. Monday, the OMB is putting out a new
formula for calculating the poverty level.Copy !req
99. Does it need presidential approval
before it goes to Congress?Copy !req
100. - Yeah.
- What's the problem?Copy !req
101. It's a good news-bad news thing. Under
the new formula, poverty's up 2 percent.Copy !req
102. It was anyone under 17,524 before,
now it's 20,000.Copy !req
103. - What does that shake out to?
- 4 million new poor people.Copy !req
104. - Four million?
- Yeah. Obviously, that's the bad news.Copy !req
105. - Yeah.
- Good news is that more people...Copy !req
106. will be eligible for benefits.
- And taxpayers are nuts about that.Copy !req
107. Back to the bad news, 4 million people
became poor on the president's watch?Copy !req
108. They didn't become poor,
they were poor already.Copy !req
109. - And now we're calling them poor.
- What's wrong with the old formula?Copy !req
110. - I don't know.
- Find out.Copy !req
111. It's possible that this is a statistical
reality and not a political fight.Copy !req
112. Find out what was wrong with
the statistical reality of the old formula.Copy !req
113. - Yeah.
- Do it today.Copy !req
114. - Yeah.
- It's like the thing with the SAT scores...Copy !req
115. and I got dumber 20 years
after I went to college.Copy !req
116. - It's a little like that.
- Talk to somebody.Copy !req
117. Yeah.Copy !req
118. - The Treaty of 1856...
- Yes, listen...Copy !req
119. - We were moved to Wisconsin.
- This isn't a good place. This is a lobby.Copy !req
120. - I know what this is.
- Yes.Copy !req
121. I have a degree
from the University of Michigan.Copy !req
122. - Look...
- Miss Cregg, if we give up this ground...Copy !req
123. we lose our one bullet in our gun.Copy !req
124. We need to be in view of the press.Copy !req
125. What tribe are you from?Copy !req
126. We're Stockbridge-Munsee Indians.Copy !req
127. Like Maggie was saying,
when we were moved to Wisconsin...Copy !req
128. we signed the Treaty of 1856.Copy !req
129. In return, the government was supposed
to protect our reservations...Copy !req
130. provide education and health care,
and we would still be a sovereign nation.Copy !req
131. - But then the Dawes Act came.
- You were forced to sell the land?Copy !req
132. We went from 46,000 acres
of tribal land to 11,000.Copy !req
133. The Dawes Act
was also supposed to civilize us.Copy !req
134. Henry Dawes said to be civilized,
you must cultivate the land...Copy !req
135. wear civilized clothes, drive
Studebaker wagons and drink whiskey.Copy !req
136. The drinking part
was particularly constructive advice.Copy !req
137. Now, before we go any further...Copy !req
138. I should tell you there's absolutely
nothing I can do for you.Copy !req
139. - Imagine our shock.
- Yes.Copy !req
140. In two generations, we'll be wiped out.Copy !req
141. - Did you get me a flight?
- Yes.Copy !req
142. - One that gets me there for dinner?
- Yes.Copy !req
143. - I don't change planes in Atlanta?
- No, you do have to change planes.Copy !req
144. - I told you...
- You have to. Deal with it.Copy !req
145. - There must be something.
- There's a 6:10 to Orlando.Copy !req
146. It gets in at 9:15.
That's too late for dinner.Copy !req
147. You could get a C-141 leaving Andrews,
but there's a problem with that too.Copy !req
148. - A congressional investigation?
- All right, two problems.Copy !req
149. - Find me something.
- Why is this being done last-minute?Copy !req
150. And remember to scold me
a couple of times before I go.Copy !req
151. Did you just decide
you were going home?Copy !req
152. - I thought I was going to Connecticut.
- Why?Copy !req
153. Because that's where the house is.Copy !req
154. - Your mom sold the house months ago.
- I made a mistake.Copy !req
155. - Forgot where your mother lives?
- I'm from Connecticut.Copy !req
156. And like a swallow
to Capistrano, I have to...Copy !req
157. Just find me a flight, would you?
And call Russell Angler...Copy !req
158. and tell him I need to see him
about the kid in Georgia.Copy !req
159. I'm telling your mother
you forgot where she lives.Copy !req
160. You're the girl I made
fun of in school, know that?Copy !req
161. Yes, I do.Copy !req
162. Donna, can I go in?Copy !req
163. You don't know of any secret
flights to Palm Beach, do you?Copy !req
164. - Yeah, but you change planes in Atlanta.
- Okay.Copy !req
165. - Did you hear about this kid?
- The one who shot his teacher?Copy !req
166. His parents, who are in custody,
FedEx'd him to Rome, which is in Italy.Copy !req
167. - Are you kidding me?
- No, it's really in Italy.Copy !req
168. - But that's not the best part.
- Italy won't extradite him.Copy !req
169. - Italy won't extradite him.
- Because of the death penalty in Georgia?Copy !req
170. They've come a long way
since Mussolini.Copy !req
171. - You should mention that.
- I will.Copy !req
172. So it turns out we've got
4 million new poor people.Copy !req
173. - Since when?
- Well, yesterday, actually.Copy !req
174. - The OMB's recommending a new model.
- Yes.Copy !req
175. I'm not an expert, but wouldn't
we have a better chance...Copy !req
176. at getting re-elected if we could say
there are 4 million fewer poor people?Copy !req
177. - Wait. I am an expert.
- We have a better chance...Copy !req
178. at getting re-elected if there were
4 million fewer poor people...Copy !req
179. but I'll talk to Bernice Collette.
- Try to get her not to recommend it?Copy !req
180. Well, to hold off for a while anyway.Copy !req
181. - You know Bernice?
- That's why I came to you.Copy !req
182. - She's a little tough to warm up.
- I'll warm her up.Copy !req
183. Yeah?Copy !req
184. Jokes, nicknames, that sort of thing.Copy !req
185. It sounds like you got
a pretty good plan.Copy !req
186. - Anything I need to know?
- Don't go through the lobby.Copy !req
187. - Why?
- Indians in the lobby.Copy !req
188. - Is that code?
- No, there are Indians in the lobby.Copy !req
189. Okay.Copy !req
190. Bess Truman didn't like Camp David.
She thought it was dull. Doesn't matter.Copy !req
191. As long as you've got an oven
that'll go to 320 degrees.Copy !req
192. You take your turkey, which has been
soaking in water, salt, coriander...Copy !req
193. Excuse me. Toby would like
to see you. Shall I send him in?Copy !req
194. Yes.Copy !req
195. - That's obviously a question for you, sir.
- She was asking me.Copy !req
196. - I'll step out.
- Yeah.Copy !req
197. - Good morning, sir.
- Hey.Copy !req
198. Before anything else,
I was hoping I could impose on you...Copy !req
199. for as much information
as you can spare about a turkey.Copy !req
200. - This a preemptive psychological thing?
- Yeah.Copy !req
201. That's not going to work.Copy !req
202. Yeah. You're gonna see
on next week's message calendar...Copy !req
203. there's a notation about a new
federal initiative to provide...Copy !req
204. low-cost cell phones
to neighborhood-watch groups.Copy !req
205. I saw the message calendar. I'm having
difficulty navigating the color-coding.Copy !req
206. The colors are areas.
Blue's education, green's economy.Copy !req
207. It's a quick way to know
if we're getting enough hits.Copy !req
208. There should be a color
for things I don't care about.Copy !req
209. - Like what?
- Providing low-cost phone service...Copy !req
210. to neighborhood-watch groups.
- It's important.Copy !req
211. - Really?
- Spot a crime, go to a payphone?Copy !req
212. There's nothing wrong, it's just small.
I could fund this out of my pocket.Copy !req
213. - It's $ 10 million.
- Leo could fund it out of his pocket.Copy !req
214. Shouldn't this be local government,
like the YMCA or something?Copy !req
215. We have an idea, which is popular,
which is that in addition...Copy !req
216. to passing large
and abstract legislation...Copy !req
217. - Passed minute but easy to understand.
- Yes.Copy !req
218. - How popular?
- Eighty-two percent.Copy !req
219. - Get out of here.
- Hand to God.Copy !req
220. Bring me that polling data.Copy !req
221. What kind of stuffing
are we talking about?Copy !req
222. Corn bread, oysters,
water chestnuts and andouille sausage.Copy !req
223. - Gonna cook on the inside or separate?
- Inside.Copy !req
224. - Make sure it cooks.
- It'll cook.Copy !req
225. - If it doesn't, people will get sick.
- It'll cook.Copy !req
226. - They'll be very, very sick.
- I've got it covered. Anything else?Copy !req
227. - You know the new OMB definitions?
- I know they're out. What's it look like?Copy !req
228. Depends. You want more
poor people or fewer?Copy !req
229. - Fewer poor people.
- You got it. Thank you, Mr. President.Copy !req
230. Caraway seeds, thyme, corn bread...Copy !req
231. oysters, water chestnuts
and andouille sausage.Copy !req
232. - It sounds good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
233. Toby indicated that you had to be careful
if you cooked it inside the turkey...Copy !req
234. because in some cases,
it doesn't cook and people get sick.Copy !req
235. - Yeah.
- You know about this?Copy !req
236. - I've heard about it.
- I thought Toby might be playing.Copy !req
237. - Maybe he is.
- But you've heard of it.Copy !req
238. - Maybe I am too.
- No, you don't have that kind of wit.Copy !req
239. - Yeah.
- I need to talk to an expert.Copy !req
240. Talk to Rene. Margaret!Copy !req
241. - I can't ask Rene.
- Yes.Copy !req
242. The president needs to speak
with the head chef.Copy !req
243. No, no, I can't. Thanks, Margaret.Copy !req
244. - I can't ask Rene right now.
- Why not?Copy !req
245. Frankly, I thought he did something
stupid and inconsiderate last week...Copy !req
246. but it turns out
I was just in a bad mood.Copy !req
247. You gave Rene a firm talking-to.Copy !req
248. Yes, and while he didn't deserve it,
he will some day soon.Copy !req
249. - Excuse me.
- Come on in.Copy !req
250. They dropped off
the polling data you asked for.Copy !req
251. - 82% are in favor of fixing potholes?
- Yeah.Copy !req
252. - I'm gonna look at this.
- Okay.Copy !req
253. If they want nickel-and-dime stuff,
I'll tell you one thing we can do.Copy !req
254. - What's that?
- This time of year...Copy !req
255. there should be a hot line
you can call about turkeys.Copy !req
256. A special number where the phones
are staffed by experts.Copy !req
257. There is.Copy !req
258. - What do you mean?
- Butterball Hot Line.Copy !req
259. - Butterball has a hot line?
- Yeah.Copy !req
260. It's an 800 number staffed by experts.Copy !req
261. - Are you kidding me?
- No.Copy !req
262. God, I'm sorry. I love my country.
Charlie, get me the Butterball Hot Line.Copy !req
263. Yes, sir.Copy !req
264. Hang on.Copy !req
265. - I don't think this is the right one.
- The right poll?Copy !req
266. Yeah, this is something different.
Hang on a second.Copy !req
267. This is...Copy !req
268. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
269. Find Bruno Gianelli.
Tell him I wanna see him right away.Copy !req
270. Yes, sir.Copy !req
271. Hey, Sam.Copy !req
272. - Sam, Bernice Collette.
- Thanks.Copy !req
273. - Hey, Sam.
- How you doing, Bernie?Copy !req
274. - I'm not wild about'Bernie."
- Sure, what should I call you?Copy !req
275. - Bernice is fine.
- But how will you know I'm your buddy?Copy !req
276. I'm okay living in the dark on that.Copy !req
277. Okay. Can you tell me how
the current standard was reached?Copy !req
278. - The new one?
- The current one.Copy !req
279. - The new one hasn't been signed off on.
- We have to sign off.Copy !req
280. - Why?
- It's much more accurate.Copy !req
281. How was the old one reached?
The current one.Copy !req
282. In 1963, an Eastern European immigrant
named Molly Orshansky...Copy !req
283. who was working over
in Social Security, came up with it.Copy !req
284. Food was the most costly
living expense where she came from.Copy !req
285. Our cost-of-living formula
for 40 years...Copy !req
286. was based on life in Poland
during the Cold War?Copy !req
287. This is what I'm talking about.Copy !req
288. Food doesn't account
for a third of a family's budget.Copy !req
289. Housing is more expensive.Copy !req
290. The model also doesn't take into account
transportation and health insurance.Copy !req
291. So call the current model the
old model and sign the new model.Copy !req
292. All right, sit down.Copy !req
293. The kid's being held
at San Vitale in Rome.Copy !req
294. - You ever seen anything like this before?
- He's a minor. This is uncharted territory.Copy !req
295. - I gotta tell you something.
- What?Copy !req
296. Unless the eligibility papers
meet the treaty obligations...Copy !req
297. they're gonna release him.
- Into whose custody?Copy !req
298. - They're just gonna release him.
- Russ...Copy !req
299. It's a provisional arrest.
We don't have the paperwork right...Copy !req
300. the foreign minister's gonna review it
and decline extradition. No grounds.Copy !req
301. - I don't...
- He didn't break any Italian laws.Copy !req
302. Are they gonna give him a Eurail Pass?Copy !req
303. Governor's gotta guarantee that
he's not gonna seek the death penalty.Copy !req
304. It isn't up to the governor.
It's up to the DeKalb DA.Copy !req
305. - Second of all, this is Georgia.
- Then we're not getting the kid back.Copy !req
306. "Extradition shall be refused
unless the requesting party provides...Copy !req
307. such assurances as the
requested party considers sufficient...Copy !req
308. that the death penalty
shall not be imposed."Copy !req
309. I didn't write the extradition treaty.Copy !req
310. This kid shoots his teacher
and gets life in Venice...Copy !req
311. we'll look like idiots.
I gotta put this out before the papers.Copy !req
312. - Yeah.
- What do I do now?Copy !req
313. I'd talk to the chargé d'affaires
at the Italian Embassy.Copy !req
314. I wanna do it today.Copy !req
315. - I'll set it up.
- Thank you.Copy !req
316. We got swampland or soil
too rocky to farm...Copy !req
317. so we had to foreclose or sell
at 3 cents an acre.Copy !req
318. In 1934, the Indian Reorganization Act...Copy !req
319. allowed us to buy back the land,
bad and good, bit by bit.Copy !req
320. Why would you want
to buy the bad land too?Copy !req
321. Because the IR Act said
if we put it in a trust...Copy !req
322. like a national park,
it'd never be taken away.Copy !req
323. - So, what you need is what?
- An answer on our CFR 151 application.Copy !req
324. That's handled
by the Department of the Interior.Copy !req
325. - It is.
- And?Copy !req
326. - We're still waiting.
- These things take a bit of time.Copy !req
327. We've been waiting
for a bit of time.Copy !req
328. - It's a big interior, Maggie.
- We've been waiting for 15 years, C.J.Copy !req
329. - Fifteen years?
- Yeah.Copy !req
330. So you can see why we don't mind
hanging around here for a little while.Copy !req
331. - Yeah.
- C.J.?Copy !req
332. You gonna have anything
on Macedonia today?Copy !req
333. - I don't think so.
- Okay. What's going on?Copy !req
334. - I'm just talking to my friends.
- Okay.Copy !req
335. - Mark, have a good Thanksgiving.
- I'm Canadian.Copy !req
336. - Yours is in April.
- October.Copy !req
337. - Oh, to have it be over.
- Yeah.Copy !req
338. I have to ask, I'm asking everyone.
There's an American children's book...Copy !req
339. I'm trying to find
and having difficulty.Copy !req
340. It's called The Little Red Lighthouse
and the Great Gray Bridge.Copy !req
341. I know The Little Red Lighthouse.
That's a great book.Copy !req
342. No, the funicular...
It's not a funicular. It's... .Copy !req
343. - The George Washington Bridge.
- The lighthouse is still there.Copy !req
344. It's very hard to see.Copy !req
345. If you're driving up the river,
the highway goes...Copy !req
346. Yeah, you peer down just at the right
moment, you can see the top of it.Copy !req
347. I can't find the book,
and I have a 4-year-old boy now.Copy !req
348. - I'll ask around.
- Thank you.Copy !req
349. - Please.
- Now... .Copy !req
350. You stand hand in hand
with no other nation on this...Copy !req
351. except Somalia. You know that.Copy !req
352. Even China doesn't allow children
to be executed.Copy !req
353. Well, federal law doesn't allow it, but
the people in the state of Georgia do.Copy !req
354. - So there's not much...
- Yes.Copy !req
355. - Mr. Fedrigotti...
- Alberto.Copy !req
356. Alberto, please.Copy !req
357. You'll have the ambassador speak to the
foreign minister and send the kid back?Copy !req
358. - You're in a restaurant...
- Alberto...Copy !req
359. And there's a little girl
who's really misbehaving.Copy !req
360. She runs around. She's throwing food.Copy !req
361. Her father decides
to punish her right there...Copy !req
362. by cracking a wine bottle over her
head, throwing her to the ground...Copy !req
363. and kicking her repeatedly.Copy !req
364. You sit at the next table.
What do you do?Copy !req
365. The kid wasn't throwing food.Copy !req
366. Is there a crime that girl could commit
that would justify what the father did?Copy !req
367. See, it's problematic when other people
make my argument for me.Copy !req
368. Yeah.Copy !req
369. And if the father said,
"This is my child...Copy !req
370. and I will punish her
any way I choose"...Copy !req
371. would you come to the conclusion
that this father has lost perspective...Copy !req
372. and good judgment and should be
removed from the equation?Copy !req
373. Okay, I'm going to... .Copy !req
374. I'll ask around about the book.Copy !req
375. Thank you.Copy !req
376. - Assistant secretary for Indian Affairs?
- He's away.Copy !req
377. - You tried?
- Yeah.Copy !req
378. - Director of Intergovernmental Affairs.
- He's left.Copy !req
379. Isn't there a deputy of Acquisition
and Property Management?Copy !req
380. - And there's a deputy of Tribal Services.
- But?Copy !req
381. - It's Thanksgiving. Nobody's here.
- I'm here. They're here. You're here.Copy !req
382. God knows that.Copy !req
383. Tell Leo's office I'm coming over.Copy !req
384. She's making sense.Copy !req
385. Is this a thing
that can be argued from all sides?Copy !req
386. - And they're all right?
- Yes.Copy !req
387. You can put their numbers together
different ways?Copy !req
388. Let's put them together in a way
that gives us fewer poor people.Copy !req
389. - Yeah.
- If we have to go with the formula...Copy !req
390. delay as long as we can.
We have to test it.Copy !req
391. All right.Copy !req
392. So three statisticians go deer hunting.Copy !req
393. First one misses 10 feet to the left.
Second misses 10 feet to the right.Copy !req
394. The third one jumps up and down
and says,"I hit it."Copy !req
395. Gotta like a guy who comes
with a statistical-analysis joke.Copy !req
396. You would if you had
let me call you'Bernie."Copy !req
397. Test the math
before the president signs off.Copy !req
398. Create a program
and experiment for two years?Copy !req
399. - Test the math?
- Yeah.Copy !req
400. - Think we used an abacus?
- I want to learn how to work an abacus.Copy !req
401. First date, check comes, you pull that
out of your pocket and add up the tip?Copy !req
402. That and statistics jokes will have you
blazing a path through Capitol women.Copy !req
403. The formula doesn't take into account
regional differences in housing costs.Copy !req
404. - No.
- You don't think it's worth it?Copy !req
405. - We took the national mean.
- How do you think landlords in L. A...Copy !req
406. feel about that?
- We debated that...Copy !req
407. but agreed it would be difficult to
assess when costs change year to year.Copy !req
408. You drop the problem
when the math gets tough?Copy !req
409. You know who wouldn't be pleased?
Holly Orshansky of Poland...Copy !req
410. author of the original formula
and overdue for recognition.Copy !req
411. Molly. Molly Orshansky.Copy !req
412. - Not Holly?
- No.Copy !req
413. I thought it was Holly.Copy !req
414. - Bruno.
- Get him in here.Copy !req
415. What the hell is this?Copy !req
416. - Sorry?
- What is this?Copy !req
417. - I don't know what you're waving.
- It's a poll.Copy !req
418. I asked to see a poll about certain...
They sent up the wrong poll.Copy !req
419. This one asks voters
where I should spend Thanksgiving.Copy !req
420. - Yeah.
- What are you doing...Copy !req
421. polling where I should
spend Thanksgiving?Copy !req
422. New England doesn't get us
anything that we don't already have...Copy !req
423. and there's a sense
it could be seen as political...Copy !req
424. with New Hampshire
the first primary state.Copy !req
425. - I have Thanksgiving with my family.
- Yeah, yeah. People like that.Copy !req
426. Thank God.Copy !req
427. - Mr. President...
- You politicized my family...Copy !req
428. to make sure they don't look political?
- Don't get me started on ironies.Copy !req
429. My family is off-limits.Copy !req
430. Sir, your candor about
a terrible illness was off-limits.Copy !req
431. Your regimen of self-medication
was off-limits.Copy !req
432. Due respect, you've used up
your off-limits.Copy !req
433. I'll decide when I've used them up.Copy !req
434. You don't poll where my family goes.
Am I making myself clear?Copy !req
435. Sometimes I have difficulty talking
to people who don't race sailboats.Copy !req
436. - What?
- I have difficulty sometimes...Copy !req
437. talking to people
who don't race sailboats.Copy !req
438. When I was a teenager
I crewed Larchmont to Nassau...Copy !req
439. on a 58-foot sloop called Cantice.Copy !req
440. And there was a little piece of kelp
that was stuck to the hull.Copy !req
441. And even though it was little, you don't
want anything stuck to the hull.Copy !req
442. So I take a boat hook on a pole,
and I stick it in the water...Copy !req
443. and I try to get the kelp off when
seven guys start screaming at me, right?Copy !req
444. Because now the pole
is causing more drag than the kelp was.Copy !req
445. See, what you gotta do is,
you gotta drop it in...Copy !req
446. and let the water lift it out
in a windmill motion.Copy !req
447. Drop it in and let the water
take it by the kelp and lift it out.Copy !req
448. In and out, in and out, until you got it.Copy !req
449. The voters aren't choosing
a plumber, Mr. President.Copy !req
450. They are choosing a president.Copy !req
451. And if you don't think
that your family should matter...Copy !req
452. my suggestion to you
is to get out of professional politics.Copy !req
453. But if you think that I am going
to miss even one opportunity...Copy !req
454. to pick up half a knot of boat speed,
you're absolutely out of your mind.Copy !req
455. When it cost us nothing?
When we give up nothing?Copy !req
456. You're out of your mind.Copy !req
457. Excuse me.Copy !req
458. Something important.Copy !req
459. - What is that, sir?
- The number for the Butterball Hot Line.Copy !req
460. Watch and learn.Copy !req
461. - Welcome to the Butterball Hot Line.
- Hello.Copy !req
462. Please stand by for our next
available operator to assist you.Copy !req
463. Charlie.Copy !req
464. - Fifteen years.
- I agree. That's a long time.Copy !req
465. - That's a long time.
- Yes.Copy !req
466. We're talking about a sewage plant
and a health center, not the Great Plains.Copy !req
467. I'll call somebody
and find out what the delay is.Copy !req
468. - What can I tell them?
- Tell them that.Copy !req
469. It'd be nice if they could
see someone before they left.Copy !req
470. - Sealy.
- He's gone.Copy !req
471. - Do it Monday.
- We do it Monday...Copy !req
472. they'll stay till Monday,
absent being dragged off in handcuffs.Copy !req
473. - Right is right.
- What do you want from me?Copy !req
474. Five minutes. They walk out.
They've met the chief of staff.Copy !req
475. - No.
- Why not?Copy !req
476. I'm not taking a meeting with somebody
who stages a sit-in in the lobby.Copy !req
477. - All right. Thank you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
478. - Toby?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
479. Come in, please.Copy !req
480. You polled where I should
have Thanksgiving?Copy !req
481. Yeah, I saw that question.Copy !req
482. - And it was okay with you?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
483. - Why?
- Because it was okay with Joey Lucas.Copy !req
484. You think people should care
where I have Thanksgiving?Copy !req
485. - I know I don't give a damn.
- All right, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
486. I straightened it out with Bruno.
It has a lot to do with kelp.Copy !req
487. - With what?
- Welcome to the Butterball Hot Line.Copy !req
488. - What the hell is...?
- Hello.Copy !req
489. - How can I help you, sir?
- Well, first, let me say...Copy !req
490. this is a wonderful
service you provide.Copy !req
491. - Well, thank you. May I have your name?
- I'm a citizen.Copy !req
492. I'm sure you are,
but if I have your name...Copy !req
493. I can put your comments
in our customer-feedback form.Copy !req
494. I'm Joe Bethersontin. That's one
T and with an H in there.Copy !req
495. - And your address?
- Fargo.Copy !req
496. Your street address, please?Copy !req
497. Zip code, Fargo,
North Dakota, right now.Copy !req
498. My street address is 11454...Copy !req
499. Pruder Street, and it's very important
that you put'street" down there...Copy !req
500. because sometimes it gets confused
with Pruder Way and Pruder Lane.Copy !req
501. It's apartment 23R,
Fargo, North Dakota.Copy !req
502. Zip code,"50504."Copy !req
503. Thank you. Your voice sounds
very familiar to me.Copy !req
504. - I do radio commercials for products.
- And how can I help you?Copy !req
505. Stuffing should be stuffed
inside the turkey, am I correct?Copy !req
506. It can also be baked
in a casserole dish.Copy !req
507. Then we'd have to call it
something else, wouldn't we?Copy !req
508. - I suppose.
- If I cook it inside the turkey...Copy !req
509. is there a chance I'd kill guests?Copy !req
510. I'm not saying that's necessarily
a deal breaker.Copy !req
511. Well, there are some concerns.Copy !req
512. Two main bacterial problems
are salmonella and Campylobacter jejuni.Copy !req
513. All right. Well, first of all, I think you
made the second bacteria up...Copy !req
514. and second of all, how do I avoid it?Copy !req
515. Make sure the ingredients
are cooked first.Copy !req
516. Sauté any vegetables, fry sausage,
oysters, et cetera.Copy !req
517. - Excellent. Let's talk temperature.
- 165 degrees.Copy !req
518. No. See, I was testing you.Copy !req
519. The USDA calls for turkeys to be cooked
to an internal temperature...Copy !req
520. of 180 to 185 degrees.Copy !req
521. Yes, sir, I was talking
about the stuffing...Copy !req
522. which you'd wanna cook
to 165 to avoid the health risks.Copy !req
523. - Okay. Good testing.
- You have an accurate thermometer?Copy !req
524. Oh, yeah. It was presented to me
as a gift from the personal sous chef...Copy !req
525. to the king of auto sales in... .Copy !req
526. - Fargo.
- Fargo.Copy !req
527. Phil Baharnd, the man can sell
a car like, well, like anything.Copy !req
528. Very good. Have a good Thanksgiving.Copy !req
529. And you do too. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
530. That was excellent.
We should do that once a week.Copy !req
531. - Phil Baharnd?
- I gotta get better at the names.Copy !req
532. That's it, sir.
Want to start the weekend?Copy !req
533. No, one more thing left.
Today, we find the traitor in my family.Copy !req
534. I know the first lady
doesn't like to schlep...Copy !req
535. but would you please tell her
to meet me in the residence?Copy !req
536. Yes, sir.Copy !req
537. - Look...
- Wait...Copy !req
538. - I need to ask something.
- What?Copy !req
539. Why does the White House
care so much about an issue...Copy !req
540. involving a local DA, which at best
should be handled by Justice and State?Copy !req
541. - Because.
- Because what?Copy !req
542. Because I don't want this president
to get a call from the bishop of Rome.Copy !req
543. Why do we care about the bishop?Copy !req
544. Because that's not
the only name he goes by.Copy !req
545. - What's another name?
- Your Holiness.Copy !req
546. - The bishop of Rome is the pope?
- It'll take it to a whole new level.Copy !req
547. - We don't wanna be on that level.
- No, we do not.Copy !req
548. Forget the Italians.
I wanna work it from our side.Copy !req
549. It means getting the DA to guarantee
he won't seek the death penalty.Copy !req
550. - Yeah.
- How?Copy !req
551. - DeKalb's the Georgia 4th.
- Yeah.Copy !req
552. When Drier was elected from
the Georgia 4th, election before last...Copy !req
553. Faragut was who he beat.Copy !req
554. - Who's Faragut?
- The DeKalb DA.Copy !req
555. Well, I suppose there's a time
for scruples and a time for, you know... .Copy !req
556. - Not?
- Yeah.Copy !req
557. He's left the office,
but he'll be on the 8 p. M...Copy !req
558. US Airways out of Hartsfield
going to DFW.Copy !req
559. Hartsfield. Okay. Excuse me.Copy !req
560. - Thank you.
- Listen.Copy !req
561. I got you on standby
on a direct flight to Boca.Copy !req
562. - Cancel it.
- Why?Copy !req
563. - I need a layover in Atlanta.
- Of course.Copy !req
564. I need to get there about an hour
before an 8:00 flight would take off.Copy !req
565. - That would be around 7:00?
- I haven't done the math.Copy !req
566. I'm also gonna need some information
on the DeKalb County DA, Faragut.Copy !req
567. Do me a favor and start
with a recent photograph.Copy !req
568. Call my mother,
and tell her I'm gonna be late.Copy !req
569. - Josh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
570. - You call your mother.
- Right.Copy !req
571. I should be able to at least fire paintballs
at you while you do that.Copy !req
572. It's harder to get elected
if you feature the underclass.Copy !req
573. It's harder to help them if you hide them.Copy !req
574. Well, what if we just recalibrated
to make everyone over 20,000"rich"...Copy !req
575. and everyone under 20,000
"middle class"?Copy !req
576. - Then they'd all vote Republican.
- Yeah.Copy !req
577. When we get back from the weekend
we should talk to Bruno.Copy !req
578. - Why Bruno?
- If it's anything short of a torpedo...Copy !req
579. in the campaign,
we should take it to Leo.Copy !req
580. Even if it's a torpedo in the campaign,
we should do it, but that's me.Copy !req
581. - I don't imagine I'd rally much support.
- No.Copy !req
582. - So we'll talk to Bruno?
- Yeah.Copy !req
583. - Thanks.
- See you Monday.Copy !req
584. - Have a good Thanksgiving.
- You too.Copy !req
585. - Listen.
- What?Copy !req
586. - Security's nervous.
- Nervous about what?Copy !req
587. - The Indians in the lobby.
- No, I mean, nervous about what?Copy !req
588. It's a lawyer and a Michigan Wolverine.
I think we can take them. We always do.Copy !req
589. Yeah, I'm just saying Security's
gonna do their thing.Copy !req
590. I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
591. - Bruno.
- Hey.Copy !req
592. - You get hauled in?
- Yeah.Copy !req
593. - And?
- We had a conversation.Copy !req
594. Listen, the OMB's gonna come out
with a recommendation...Copy !req
595. for a new way
to calculate the poverty level.Copy !req
596. - A show of hands?
- No...Copy !req
597. but the formula raises
the poverty level 2000 and change.Copy !req
598. - So, what is it now?
- Twenty thousand a year.Copy !req
599. The problem is, we gotta campaign
with 4 million new poor people.Copy !req
600. - That's the problem?
- Yeah.Copy !req
601. Not that someone making 21,000
a year is considered comfortable?Copy !req
602. - We're working on that one too.
- You keep working on that.Copy !req
603. - I'll sell the other thing.
- How?Copy !req
604. Same way P.T. Barnum
sold a truckload of white salmon.Copy !req
605. By sticking labels on them that said,
"Guaranteed not to go pink in the can."Copy !req
606. - I have this fish theme going on today.
- What the hell...?Copy !req
607. This formula has been broken for years,
and the other guys haven't fixed it?Copy !req
608. - Like that. Wanna get a quick drink?
- No, I got nieces and nephews and...Copy !req
609. - We'll meet Monday on this, okay?
- Truckload of white salmon.Copy !req
610. - You ever even heard of white salmon?
- No.Copy !req
611. Guy could sell anything.Copy !req
612. Welcome to Hartsfield
International Airport.Copy !req
613. Please do not
leave any baggage unattended.Copy !req
614. Flight 1421 to Los Angeles
is now boarding at gate 31 D.Copy !req
615. Flight 1421 to Los Angeles
is now boarding at gate 31 D.Copy !req
616. - Yes?
- Could I get a ginger ale, please.Copy !req
617. Excuse me, you're Mark Faragut, right?
I'm Josh Lyman.Copy !req
618. Yeah, good to meet you.Copy !req
619. Funny. I got a message
from my office to call...Copy !req
620. Yeah.Copy !req
621. - You didn't come all the way here just...?
- No, my mom lives in Florida.Copy !req
622. - But just technically.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
623. - It doesn't matter.
- The governor...Copy !req
624. The Italians aren't worried
about the governor...Copy !req
625. they're worried about you.Copy !req
626. Italy can't tell me
how to prosecute my case...Copy !req
627. and no offense,
neither can you.Copy !req
628. - You don't have a defendant.
- You can't ask me to weaken.Copy !req
629. Because the Georgia 4th
is tough enough for a Democrat...Copy !req
630. without appearing
he's against the death penalty.Copy !req
631. - I'm not against it.
- I said, appearing.Copy !req
632. And the only way
to combat that is with TV time.Copy !req
633. You are planning
on running again, right?Copy !req
634. You don't know much
about my last campaign.Copy !req
635. You raised $232,000 in four months...Copy !req
636. but then the well dried up after you
prosecuted a corporate polluter...Copy !req
637. and got stuck as anti-business.Copy !req
638. You were left with 41,500 for the last
two months and that was the ball game.Copy !req
639. US Airways is pleased to announce
flight 1017 to Dallas% Fort Worth...Copy !req
640. is now boarding.
Please have your boarding pass...Copy !req
641. ready to show the ticket agent.Copy !req
642. - That's my flight.
- Don't seek the death penalty...Copy !req
643. and you'll have a media buy
to explain it to your district.Copy !req
644. Josh, please tell me
there's no money in that envelope.Copy !req
645. Well, in a manner of speaking.Copy !req
646. - Names?
- Three of them. None of them local.Copy !req
647. Do what I'm telling you,
and all three of them will take your call.Copy !req
648. - I can win this time.
- Your flight's boarding.Copy !req
649. - Have a good Thanksgiving.
- You too.Copy !req
650. Ginger ale.Copy !req
651. Thank you.Copy !req
652. - Hello.
- Hi.Copy !req
653. Thank you, Al.Copy !req
654. - You summoned me?
- Yeah, sorry about that.Copy !req
655. Listen, I'm sorry about this too,
but we have to change plans.Copy !req
656. - What do you mean?
- We're gonna have dinner here.Copy !req
657. - Charlie's calling everybody.
- Why?Copy !req
658. I've seen some polling information.
The numbers are staggering.Copy !req
659. People are looking for steadiness,
for a father figure.Copy !req
660. They like it when I'm here.Copy !req
661. - Can't be a father figure at Camp David?
- I guess not.Copy !req
662. This is ridiculous. You can't change plans
on people at the eleventh hour.Copy !req
663. - It's no problem.
- It is.Copy !req
664. When you're in the White House,
there's a staff that has to be here.Copy !req
665. - Now they can't go home.
- It's their job.Copy !req
666. - It's Thanksgiving.
- I've got numbers.Copy !req
667. Which say Camp David is fine.Copy !req
668. Oh, brother.Copy !req
669. You speak four languages.
How come none of them is French?Copy !req
670. - Nothing's wrong with my French.
- You just called me your little cheese.Copy !req
671. - That's right.
- They came to me.Copy !req
672. They said,"What do you think
about having Thanksgiving...Copy !req
673. at Camp David
instead of New Hampshire?"Copy !req
674. They told me why. I said,"Fine."Copy !req
675. - And what part are you leaving out now?
- The part where I lied to you.Copy !req
676. - Yes.
- Yes, I do that sometimes.Copy !req
677. I don't wanna go 15 rounds on Bess
Truman and what constitutes a farm.Copy !req
678. On your behalf, I have responded
to polling information...Copy !req
679. telling me what I should wear
and what I should say...Copy !req
680. to say nothing of the fact...Copy !req
681. that I have been subpoenaed
to answer questions...Copy !req
682. about how I secretly kept you alive.Copy !req
683. So explain to me now
how what I did was out of line.Copy !req
684. You know what?Copy !req
685. It was.Copy !req
686. I know.Copy !req
687. Well...Copy !req
688. with the ingredients for stuffing,
you have to cook them...Copy !req
689. before you put them in the turkey
and you're not gonna know.Copy !req
690. I'll do what I always do
with anything you cook...Copy !req
691. I wait for the girls to eat it first.Copy !req
692. Me too.Copy !req
693. How many treaties have we signed
with Munsee Indians?Copy !req
694. - Six.
- How many have we revoked?Copy !req
695. Six.Copy !req
696. - What were the Munsees doing in 1778?
- Fighting in George Washington's army.Copy !req
697. - Why aren't you in New York anymore?
- He marched us to Wisconsin.Copy !req
698. - Whose land was it in the first place?
- Ours.Copy !req
699. I'll have Park Police
escort you from the building.Copy !req
700. It'll take a few minutes, so you can
make whatever calls you need to.Copy !req
701. Or come back to my office,
we'll make an appointment for Monday...Copy !req
702. and the White House
will cover your expenses.Copy !req
703. - Okay.
- Okay, what?Copy !req
704. Okay, ma'am.Copy !req
705. - No, okay, you're...?
- We'll come back to the office.Copy !req
706. How do you keep fighting
smaller injustices...Copy !req
707. when they're all
from the mother of injustices?Copy !req
708. What's the alternative?Copy !req