1. Previously on The West Wing:Copy !req
2. When was the last time
you went to a meeting?Copy !req
3. AA?Copy !req
4. - What meeting could I possibly go to?
- Mine.Copy !req
5. John, tell me you are not
showing your face...Copy !req
6. I have got my own meeting.Copy !req
7. There are nine of us: three senators,
two cabinet secretaries...Copy !req
8. one federal judge
and two agency directors.Copy !req
9. There's an agent outside.
It looks like a card game.Copy !req
10. - Do I have enemies in that room?
- All our people. Think about it.Copy !req
11. "We humbly asked him
to remove our shortcomings.Copy !req
12. We made a list
of persons we had harmed...Copy !req
13. and became willing to make amends.Copy !req
14. We made amends
to such people where possible...Copy !req
15. except when
it would injure them or others.Copy !req
16. We continued to take personal inventory,
and when wrong, promptly admitted it.Copy !req
17. We sought through prayer
and meditation to improve our contact...Copy !req
18. with God as we understood him.
As we understood him.Copy !req
19. Praying only for knowledge of his will
for us and the power to carry that out.Copy !req
20. Having had a spiritual awakening
as a result...Copy !req
21. we try to carry this message to
alcoholics and practice these principles...Copy !req
22. in all our affairs." Okay.Copy !req
23. I haven't chaired in a while.
What do we do next?Copy !req
24. - Now is when we usually start drinking.
- Okay.Copy !req
25. I wanna talk
about something before we start.Copy !req
26. He's gonna try and get my committee
to fund that airplane that can't fly.Copy !req
27. - It can fly.
- Right. It just can't land.Copy !req
28. - Small price to pay to be able to fly.
- I wanted to talk about Leo.Copy !req
29. I'll fund the plane,
but I'm not gonna fly on it.Copy !req
30. I'm wondering if it's a good idea that
Leo keeps coming to these meetings.Copy !req
31. - Why?
- Look, every meeting's for anybody.Copy !req
32. You don't have a password.
Just walk in and sit. Except...Copy !req
33. where anonymity is crucial,
even among other alcoholics:Copy !req
34. Commercial airline pilots,
surgeons and us.Copy !req
35. - Right.
- Well, Leo's out.Copy !req
36. Is it wise that he's leaving
a trail to this room...Copy !req
37. when he could go to any meeting...
- He can't.Copy !req
38. There'd be photographers
camped at the door...Copy !req
39. I don't know a meeting where
guys wouldn't beat up...Copy !req
40. anybody who barged in...
- That's what we want.Copy !req
41. - I think we should consider this.
- Guys.Copy !req
42. My meeting. Leo stays.Copy !req
43. There it is. Know what I forgot?Copy !req
44. "What we see here, what we say here,
what we hear here, stays here."Copy !req
45. - Here, here.
- Anybody wanna start?Copy !req
46. I will.Copy !req
47. - I'm John. I'm an alcoholic.
- Hi, John.Copy !req
48. - You wanted me.
- You guys go out?Copy !req
49. - Toby had Capitals tickets.
- Good game?Copy !req
50. You know what I'd do if l...
It wasn't.Copy !req
51. You know what I'd do if I owned a
hockey team? I'd hire a sumo wrestler.Copy !req
52. I'd give him a uniform, transportation,
500 bucks a week to sit in the goal...Copy !req
53. eat and enjoy the game.
We wouldn't get scored on.Copy !req
54. - You'd get scored on constantly.
- Maybe, but we'd sell a few tickets.Copy !req
55. Yeah, because sumo wrestling sells
out all the time in big hockey towns.Copy !req
56. - My idea is total unviable.
- Well, you're a Democrat.Copy !req
57. It's a pretty big club.Copy !req
58. What did you need?Copy !req
59. Health, Education and Welfare is marking
up the Internet Education Act tomorrow.Copy !req
60. - Tomorrow?
- Yeah.Copy !req
61. - And they told us when?
- An hour ago.Copy !req
62. They're zeroing out
the Technology Challenge Fund.Copy !req
63. - That's the vice president's thing.
- Wanna know how long?Copy !req
64. I was working for him
when he created it.Copy !req
65. - Does he know?
- No.Copy !req
66. What will he say when you tell him?Copy !req
67. He's gonna say,"Josh, you look
remarkably like Sam Seaborn."Copy !req
68. There are people better suited
to this than I am. Leo.Copy !req
69. - Leo says you.
- Why not you?Copy !req
70. Leo and I don't have
the best relationship with Hoynes.Copy !req
71. I don't understand. You say,"Sorry, Mr.
Vice President, it isn't gonna happen."Copy !req
72. Isn't he gonna be miffed if it comes
from the communications director?Copy !req
73. We don't want you to say I'm sorry.Copy !req
74. We want you to work with him
and save the bill.Copy !req
75. All right. When?Copy !req
76. His office is expecting
you in 20 minutes.Copy !req
77. - What about the meeting?
- My meeting?Copy !req
78. - Yeah.
- You'll come late.Copy !req
79. - What's it about?
- You'll find out.Copy !req
80. All right.Copy !req
81. Thank you.Copy !req
82. I've lost my binder
from National Strategies.Copy !req
83. - The blue one?
- The black one...Copy !req
84. with the secret launch codes.
- It'll turn up.Copy !req
85. I also need the Cabinet Affairs
amplification report.Copy !req
86. If you can get the AP farm guy
back online...Copy !req
87. I'm almost sure Toby gave me
a punchier quote on Ag reorganization.Copy !req
88. I shall do those things.Copy !req
89. - You shall?
- I shall.Copy !req
90. - I'll tell you what I'd like in exchange.
- How about a weekly salary?Copy !req
91. - Yes, plus a favor.
- Name it.Copy !req
92. - It's a big favor.
- What do you need?Copy !req
93. I had an English teacher named Molly
Morello, one of those teachers...Copy !req
94. and she's retiring.Copy !req
95. For me, it was Mr. Feig
for American History AP and Con Law.Copy !req
96. Right. Unusual as it may seem,
we're talking about me.Copy !req
97. - And the big favor you want?
- All right, tell me about Mr. Feig.Copy !req
98. No. That moment's done, except to say
he meant the world to me and he died...Copy !req
99. four years ago.
- Okay. Well, Mrs. Morello is retiring.Copy !req
100. - Not as bad as dying.
- How hard is it...Copy !req
101. to get a Presidential Proclamation?
- Morello Day?Copy !req
102. I was hoping for Morello Month.
I should be realistic.Copy !req
103. - That would be Molly Morello Day?
- A nice letter from the principal.Copy !req
104. Oh, come on. Get him to sign
a piece of paper. A little proclamation.Copy !req
105. A little piece of paper?
Proclamations have the full force of law.Copy !req
106. The Emancipation Proclamation,
to name just one.Copy !req
107. - To name the only one.
- I don't know what's involved.Copy !req
108. Probably have advisory boards,
commissions.Copy !req
109. The NATO commander's involved,
possibly.Copy !req
110. Can I find out what's involved?Copy !req
111. - Yeah. Find me the blue notebook first.
- Yeah.Copy !req
112. I'm going to the meeting now.Copy !req
113. - Got a minute?
- If I said no, would it stop you?Copy !req
114. No. NEAP figures are out today.Copy !req
115. - Okay.
- They're up.Copy !req
116. How many Third World countries
do we trail in reading and math?Copy !req
117. Up's better than down. The education
secretary ought to make a statement.Copy !req
118. Tomorrow's no good.
We've got half a dozen events.Copy !req
119. We're saying education's our priority.Copy !req
120. Tomorrow, we're trying to make news
on five of our other priorities.Copy !req
121. - Don't you have a meeting?
- Two meetings, actually.Copy !req
122. - I'll check the calendar.
- Up's better than down.Copy !req
123. Where to find a chisel
and a stone tablet.Copy !req
124. I need to know what
the Cabinet's doing tomorrow.Copy !req
125. Ideally, sometime before tomorrow.Copy !req
126. 10:30, Drug Czar on border control. Noon,
HUD secretary on home-ownership loans.Copy !req
127. Also noon, technical briefing
at ONDCP on...Copy !req
128. - Is it...? Go back. What's at noon?
- ONDCP technical...Copy !req
129. - No, the housing secretary.
- Home-ownership loans...Copy !req
130. at the HUD event stage.Copy !req
131. Something wrong?Copy !req
132. Page the secretary of Housing and
Urban Development. I wanna see him.Copy !req
133. - When?
- Look at me.Copy !req
134. - Now.
- I'm in the Roosevelt Room.Copy !req
135. - Want me to pull you out...?
- Please.Copy !req
136. Okay, we're e-filing the old 1040-A.Copy !req
137. You're single, head of your household.Copy !req
138. Deanna's a dependent. Your adjusted
gross income is 35,000 per annum.Copy !req
139. - Sir, I could do most of this myself.
- I love this.Copy !req
140. - Really? Filing tax returns?
- Yeah.Copy !req
141. - Okay.
- What?Copy !req
142. I was thinking about the plurality
of Americans who decided...Copy !req
143. to pull a lever with your name.
- Suckers. Okay.Copy !req
144. Your mom's
social security pension benefit is $ 1536.Copy !req
145. - Police pension, $2400.
- And here's where my question is...Copy !req
146. Do you take
a standard deduction or itemize?Copy !req
147. - Yes, sir.
- Did you make any charitable donations?Copy !req
148. Five hundred dollars
to the First Baptist Church.Copy !req
149. One hundred eighty-five dollars to the
Salvation Army in clothing and items.Copy !req
150. Five hundred dollars to the Police
Benevolence Society of Washington D.C.Copy !req
151. And $250 to Big Brothers
and Sisters of Washington D.C.Copy !req
152. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
153. Plus, $430
in non-reimbursed medical expenses.Copy !req
154. You're better off
with the standard deduction.Copy !req
155. - Okay.
- I'm hitting send now.Copy !req
156. - If you're lying, you're going to the joint.
- Yeah.Copy !req
157. It's gonna tell us what your refund is,
but I've done a calculation...Copy !req
158. and it will be $ 700.
- That's what I got.Copy !req
159. - You spent it already.
- I'm getting a scan DVD player...Copy !req
160. with MP3 playback.
Free shipping and tax is $499...Copy !req
161. which leaves enough
to buy a DVD I found on eBay.Copy !req
162. - Yeoman of the Guard?
- How well you know me, Mr. President.Copy !req
163. - On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
- Can I tell you what's wrong about Bond?Copy !req
164. - Nothing.
- Shaken not stirred...Copy !req
165. will get you water
with a dash of gin and vermouth.Copy !req
166. The reason you stir it with a special
spoon is so not to chip the ice.Copy !req
167. James is ordering a weak martini
and being snooty about it.Copy !req
168. I'll reflect on that while watching
my digital-enhanced picture...Copy !req
169. with theater-quality sound.
- Okay.Copy !req
170. - Seven hundred dollars?
- Four hundred.Copy !req
171. - I'm only getting $400 back?
- You owe $400.Copy !req
172. - I owe the government money.
- You don't need a stamp. Hand it over.Copy !req
173. - There's a mistake.
- Hand it over.Copy !req
174. - There's no way I owe money.
- That's not quite how we see it.Copy !req
175. - Could I sit down there, please?
- Sure.Copy !req
176. - Good evening.
- You need me?Copy !req
177. - Yes, sir.
- Let's go inside. Milo? Coop?Copy !req
178. - Help Mr. Young find his pockets.
- I'm fine. There's been a mistake.Copy !req
179. I'm sorry to come straight to you,
but Leo's unavailable now.Copy !req
180. You should be getting a call from
the energy secretary any minute.Copy !req
181. - What happened?
- The wire service is reporting a vehicle...Copy !req
182. carrying depleted uranium rods crashed
in the Seven Devil Mountains in Idaho.Copy !req
183. - It crashed?
- It was hit head-on by another truck...Copy !req
184. in the Goldfield Tunnel on Route 234.
- Are there populated areas nearby?Copy !req
185. Elk Horn's 20 miles away with 20,000.Copy !req
186. - Charlie.
- Energy secretary's on the phone.Copy !req
187. Conference in the chief
of the radiological assistance team.Copy !req
188. Charlie.
Get me Fitzwallace, Nancy McNally...Copy !req
189. and let the senior members
of the NFC know I need them.Copy !req
190. Thank you, Mr. President.Copy !req
191. A truck carrying depleted
uranium fuel rods just crashed...Copy !req
192. in Idaho 20 miles
from a populated town.Copy !req
193. - What's happening?
- The president's talking to Tommy...Copy !req
194. about the radiation threat
and to National Security.Copy !req
195. - There's a problem.
- I'm just telling them.Copy !req
196. It was a 24-ton type B, holding fuel
rods from the nuclear carrier Truman.Copy !req
197. Does 24-ton type B
mean anything to anybody?Copy !req
198. - It's a heavy truck.
- Why National Security?Copy !req
199. You said he was talking
to National Security.Copy !req
200. Two trucks in a deserted area, and
they happen to crash into each other?Copy !req
201. - I'd wanna talk to somebody, at least.
- All right, listen. Postpone the meeting.Copy !req
202. - Let's do it.
- This is gonna be all night.Copy !req
203. When we get pulled out,
we get pulled out.Copy !req
204. It doesn't really
seem appropriate right now.Copy !req
205. You spent a long night
with Bruno last night.Copy !req
206. Yeah. And Bruno spent a long night
with Doug the night before.Copy !req
207. And?Copy !req
208. There's no electoral math they can
come up with, none, that says...Copy !req
209. it's not worth exploring replacing
the vice president on the ticket.Copy !req
210. Not five months ago in this room,
I said... I joked...Copy !req
211. that if we win reelection, it was gonna
be on the vice president's coattails.Copy !req
212. Why I'm sure I said it
is because it was leaked.Copy !req
213. How has the electoral math
changed since then?Copy !req
214. By the way,
the group of people were chosen...Copy !req
215. because Leo
wanted to hear from them...Copy !req
216. but also because he was confident
there wouldn't be a leak...Copy !req
217. and I hope we live up to that.Copy !req
218. - How has the math changed?
- Bruno doesn't think Hoynes buys Texas...Copy !req
219. with Ritchie in the race.
If we lose Texas, we lose Florida.Copy !req
220. That's a third
of the electoral votes we need.Copy !req
221. There's a reason the Republicans
are nominating him.Copy !req
222. Who does?
Who does win Texas for us?Copy !req
223. - Nobody. We're losing Texas.
- Wait a second.Copy !req
224. - Before we go on to who wins Texas...
- I was saying...Copy !req
225. We've been talking
for a minute and 17 seconds...Copy !req
226. and we're discussing
new candidates?Copy !req
227. If no one wins us Texas,
why change at all?Copy !req
228. Can I make it clear
nobody's advocating anything.Copy !req
229. - Bruno and Doug are.
- Bruno asked for a discussion.Copy !req
230. - What's the answer to C.J. 's question?
- Northeast, Pacific Coast and Northwest.Copy !req
231. If we don't have Florida and Texas,
it means we have to sweep those three.Copy !req
232. - And he thinks Hoynes hurts us there?
- He thinks someone else could help.Copy !req
233. - Did he say who?
- Yes.Copy !req
234. - Who?
- Fitzwallace.Copy !req
235. He said Fitzwallace, Toby.
And you think about it... .Copy !req
236. Yeah.Copy !req
237. - Josh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
238. - How's it going in there?
- Well, you know, we're just starting.Copy !req
239. Get creative. Get people thinking,
even though you know it's... .Copy !req
240. I'm gonna go in there alone for a minute.Copy !req
241. Hey.Copy !req
242. I was just briefed. They're setting up a
joint operations command in Elks Horn.Copy !req
243. I wish I'd been here a half-hour ago.Copy !req
244. What would you have done a half-hour
ago that hasn't already been done?Copy !req
245. I'd have known a half-hour
ago what I know now.Copy !req
246. This is why I'm not going
to my meeting anymore. It's a luxury.Copy !req
247. I know.Copy !req
248. If only technology could invent
some way to get in touch with you...Copy !req
249. in an emergency.
Some sort of telephonic device...Copy !req
250. with a personalized number we could
call to let you know we needed you.Copy !req
251. Perhaps it would look something
like this, Mr. Moto.Copy !req
252. - You should've called me.
- Would you stop?Copy !req
253. All right.Copy !req
254. We're coordinating with the governor's
office and state FEMA in Boise.Copy !req
255. You know, I've noticed that other people
keep a set of comfortable clothes...Copy !req
256. in their office for when they
have to work late. I like that.Copy !req
257. - You should do that too.
- I do do that.Copy !req
258. - You should change.
- You see me wearing a necktie?Copy !req
259. Never mind.Copy !req
260. Can I have my pager back?Copy !req
261. The hazard assessment
by the RAD team is good.Copy !req
262. No airborne release of cesium isotopes.
No gamma or neutron radiation readings.Copy !req
263. - But... .
- But the trucks are still burning.Copy !req
264. The fire commander is pulling out his
men and equipment as soon as possible.Copy !req
265. - I'm sure he's right.
- They haven't tested tunnel fires.Copy !req
266. They're built to withstand
1475 Fahrenheit for 30 minutes...Copy !req
267. but apparently a train tunnel
in Baltimore burned at 1500.Copy !req
268. - Leo, I knew this a half-hour ago.
- Right.Copy !req
269. This whole night I'm gonna
be a half-hour smarter than you.Copy !req
270. Okay. So you know
about the other truck.Copy !req
271. - No.
- It was stolen from a rest stop...Copy !req
272. outside Glenn's Ferry two weeks ago.
- The driver's dead?Copy !req
273. - Yeah.
- Arab?Copy !req
274. No. He's Gary Vernon Clarke.Copy !req
275. Is that his name or is that
what we think it is right now?Copy !req
276. Looks like it was an accident.Copy !req
277. In what happens to be the most
dangerous and unanticipated situation...Copy !req
278. for transportation of nuclear waste.
- Yes.Copy !req
279. - What's that meeting next door?
- Don't worry about it.Copy !req
280. Did I leave a folder called
Southeast Targets and... Thank you.Copy !req
281. I've been putting together
a folder of my own.Copy !req
282. Things that need to be done
for the president to issue a proclamation.Copy !req
283. - What has to be done?
- Let me check. Nothing.Copy !req
284. - Donna...
- Nothing has to be done.Copy !req
285. - He can't just issue a proclamation.
- He can.Copy !req
286. He can't just because you want him to.Copy !req
287. What's next, executive clemency
if you're having a bad hair day?Copy !req
288. I never have a bad hair day. Molly
Morello was a teacher for 41 years.Copy !req
289. Which is nice, but these things
are for important causes...Copy !req
290. not individual perks for staffers.Copy !req
291. National Digestive Diseases
Awareness Week.Copy !req
292. - When was that?
- Now. It began after...Copy !req
293. General Pulaski Memorial Day.
- You're gonna mock the dead...Copy !req
294. February was National Sewing Month.Copy !req
295. It's the president's name and reputation.
We haven't vetted this woman.Copy !req
296. - You're saying, what if she's a lesbian?
- If she were a lesbian we could talk.Copy !req
297. I'm saying, what if she's a bicycle thief?Copy !req
298. - I doubt that...
- Don't doubt it. Know it.Copy !req
299. Do a Google search. Then talk to me.Copy !req
300. - Sorry. You been waiting?
- Good evening, sir. No, that's fine.Copy !req
301. - I got held up at a poker game.
- I love poker.Copy !req
302. - I heard you had Caps tickets?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
303. - How was the game?
- Not very good.Copy !req
304. Have you ever seen
a good hockey game?Copy !req
305. - No.
- Me neither. I can't get next to hockey.Copy !req
306. See, I think Americans like
to savor situations.Copy !req
307. One down, bottom of the ninth.
One-run game, first and third...Copy !req
308. left-hand batter, right-hand reliever,
here's the pitch.Copy !req
309. Scoring in hockey seems
to come out of nowhere.Copy !req
310. The play-by-play guy is always shocked.Copy !req
311. "LePetier passes to Huckenchuck,
who skates past the blue line.Copy !req
312. Huckenchuck was traded
from Winnipeg for a case of Labatts...Copy !req
313. after sitting out last season with...
Oh, my God, he scores!"Copy !req
314. So, what's going on?Copy !req
315. They're marking up the
Internet Education Act tomorrow.Copy !req
316. - Tomorrow?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
317. And they're zeroing out the
Technology Challenge Fund.Copy !req
318. - Tomorrow?
- Yes, sir. We only heard about it tonight.Copy !req
319. - We're gonna save this.
- That's why I'm here.Copy !req
320. - It's only 52 million.
- It's gonna be embarrassing.Copy !req
321. 75% percent of the poorest
don't have Internet access...Copy !req
322. 60% of blacks and Hispanics
don't have Internet access.Copy !req
323. I have to make some calls.Copy !req
324. - Yeah. The problem is... .
- What?Copy !req
325. The chairman.Copy !req
326. - You attacked him at the DNC spring...
- You sent me to attack him.Copy !req
327. I understand.Copy !req
328. - They're marking it up tomorrow?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
329. You're gonna do this for me.
You're gonna get this done.Copy !req
330. - Yes, sir.
- Decorated in Vietnam, defense hawk...Copy !req
331. There'd be astronomical black turnout in
Georgia, North Carolina and Louisiana.Copy !req
332. - The South is on the table.
- Is he a Democrat?Copy !req
333. - He would be now.
- No Republican would criticize him.Copy !req
334. Black turnout would explode.
We'd realign the country.Copy !req
335. - That's assuming it's a two-man race.
- Who's gonna get into it this late?Copy !req
336. John Hoynes.Copy !req
337. Hoynes as an Independent?Copy !req
338. - Yeah.
- The guy...Copy !req
339. practically has corporate sponsorship.Copy !req
340. The Tostitos vice president is gonna lead
an Independent movement?Copy !req
341. - It's not that ridiculous.
- It is! He'd be finished in politics.Copy !req
342. Some future after we publicly humiliate
him by kicking him off the ticket.Copy !req
343. - What are we afraid of?
- A household name...Copy !req
344. with his base of conservative
Democrats and populist Independents.Copy !req
345. Starts at 15, 20 percent.
Now every state's up for grab...Copy !req
346. because it's a three-way.
- But he'll lose.Copy !req
347. Which is gratifying, but not much
of a consolation since we'll lose too.Copy !req
348. Say what you want.
Hoynes is a pragmatist. To do this...Copy !req
349. he'd be the craziest vice president
since Aaron Burr. And Burr shot a guy.Copy !req
350. - I can't believe we're talking about this.
- Your meeting.Copy !req
351. Getting that a lot these days.Copy !req
352. So that leaves us where?Copy !req
353. Wondering if Fitzwallace
is a Democrat or a Republican.Copy !req
354. Yeah. It sounds like
you're tripped up on 1783.Copy !req
355. - Which is?
- HR-1783. A tax rebate from last year.Copy !req
356. Why would that affect
my return this year?Copy !req
357. - Did you get a rebate last year?
- Yeah.Copy !req
358. - There's the answer.
- Where?Copy !req
359. Your rebate came off this year's taxes.
That's how we paid.Copy !req
360. Hang on. The money I got back last year
has to be paid for?Copy !req
361. - Yeah.
- That's not a rebate. That's an advance.Copy !req
362. - Technically, I guess.
- Not technically.Copy !req
363. This is like getting a bonus and having
it deducted from your paycheck.Copy !req
364. This doesn't sound like very
patriotic talk to me, Charlie.Copy !req
365. - It's not. Why did you call it a rebate?
- So people would spend it.Copy !req
366. - If it was an advance they'd save it.
- It was an advance.Copy !req
367. - You spend it?
- On my Visa bill.Copy !req
368. We would have preferred
you ate out or traveled.Copy !req
369. - Me too.
- Well, in any event... .Copy !req
370. - What? Oh, what are you, the collector?
- Leo.Copy !req
371. - He used the rebate to pay his Visa bill.
- It wasn't a rebate. It was an advance.Copy !req
372. A trip to Banana Republic
would have killed you? Let's go.Copy !req
373. - The problem is we don't know anything.
- That's never been a problem for us.Copy !req
374. We don't know anything
until we can get into the tunnel.Copy !req
375. And we can't get into the tunnel
until the place cools down.Copy !req
376. Until we can get in, we don't know
if we have to evacuate Elk Horn.Copy !req
377. Well, that's FEMA's call.Copy !req
378. FEMA's indicated they're gonna wanna
make it the governor's call.Copy !req
379. The governor's indicated
he wants you to step in...Copy !req
380. I should set a ransom.
I'll tell you the radiation levels...Copy !req
381. but first I want your electoral votes.
Or is that a bad strategy?Copy !req
382. - It's pretty bad.
- No ransom.Copy !req
383. We'll play this one straight.
What about other shipments?Copy !req
384. There are two
other shipments on the road.Copy !req
385. One's low-level radioactive waste,
mostly medical.Copy !req
386. - It's on three rail cars in South Carolina.
- Have we stopped the train?Copy !req
387. The National Guard's securing
it till we know what happened.Copy !req
388. - What about the second one?
- That's more problematic.Copy !req
389. There's 200 pounds of transuranic
materials from Rocky Flats...Copy !req
390. where they assemble the triggers.Copy !req
391. They're about 150 miles from Carlsbad,
and we can't tell them to pull over.Copy !req
392. - That makes them vulnerable.
- They beefed up the escort?Copy !req
393. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
394. Thank you, Mr. President.Copy !req
395. No one knew if Eisenhower was a
Democrat or Republican before he ran.Copy !req
396. Grant only voted once,
and it was for the other guys.Copy !req
397. Grant works as an example in almost
any situation. That's Grant's legacy.Copy !req
398. - Plus, he won the Civil War.
- What about Leo?Copy !req
399. - What'd I do?
- As running mate. Bartlet-McGarry.Copy !req
400. - Done.
- It's not absurd, you know.Copy !req
401. - It is.
- It's not totally absurd.Copy !req
402. - Yes, it is.
- He wants your parking space.Copy !req
403. - I really do.
- It's not totally absurd.Copy !req
404. You have a good parking space.Copy !req
405. You know, if it weren't
for the drinking and the Valium... .Copy !req
406. - Yet, Grant... .
- That's right.Copy !req
407. They told Lincoln,
"Grant's a drunk." He said:Copy !req
408. "Send my generals a case
of what he drinks."Copy !req
409. - I see a 30-second spot.
- An alcoholic can't be vice president?Copy !req
410. You really think the 20th century didn't
see an alcoholic in the West Wing?Copy !req
411. I'll be around.Copy !req
412. Hey, Leo.Copy !req
413. - They didn't mean anything.
- Yeah, I didn't take anything.Copy !req
414. What's going on in Idaho?Copy !req
415. The tunnel's still hot.
We're looking at evacuating Elk Horn.Copy !req
416. - Elk Horn's 20,000.
- Yeah.Copy !req
417. - We've done this before?
- For hurricanes. Yeah.Copy !req
418. - This is a radioactive cloud.
- I wouldn't call it a cloud.Copy !req
419. You wouldn't call it the end
of a Yankee game, either.Copy !req
420. I don't know. You got your sirens, route
and tone alerts on local radio and TV.Copy !req
421. - Paul Reveres go out.
- Civil defense volunteers.Copy !req
422. Yeah, we got the armory in Caldwell,
75 miles away, for refugees.Copy !req
423. Still, we're talking about
widespread panic and chaos, right?Copy !req
424. I assume.Copy !req
425. - Anything else?
- I don't wanna go back to my meeting.Copy !req
426. - Well, you're not staying here.
- Okay.Copy !req
427. There must be 110 million
for distance learning and telemedicine.Copy !req
428. Can we shave that down?Copy !req
429. There are three rural committee members
who love distance learning.Copy !req
430. I'm not sure I see the point if the rural
poor don't have Internet hookups.Copy !req
431. - Why don't we plus-up the entire bill?
- Sir?Copy !req
432. We get our Internet 52 million.
They get to add 52 million...Copy !req
433. for Internet-blocking software or
whatever they want. Can't we do that?Copy !req
434. One of the problems is
they're deficit hawks.Copy !req
435. - We're deficit hawks too.
- That's the other problem.Copy !req
436. All right, work with me here. What
do they want? A bridge, a highway...Copy !req
437. a soda machine? What do they want?
- They want your name off the bill.Copy !req
438. They want your name off it.
They love this bill.Copy !req
439. Helping the poor learn computers so they
can lift themselves up by the bootstraps?Copy !req
440. It gets voted out of committee
unanimously, but it's an election year.Copy !req
441. When is it not an election year?Copy !req
442. I like what Daniel Webster said when the
Whig Party offered him vice president:Copy !req
443. "I do not propose
to be buried until I am dead."Copy !req
444. I used to be every Republican's
favorite Democrat.Copy !req
445. - Screw it, Sam.
- Absolutely, Mr. Vice President.Copy !req
446. Let's take my name off it.Copy !req
447. Yes, sir.Copy !req
448. - Where's Secretary Fisher?
- He can't make it tonight.Copy !req
449. - Excuse me?
- The secretary's at an NGA reception...Copy !req
450. at the Willard Hotel.
She says he can see you tomorrow.Copy !req
451. - She?
- His scheduler.Copy !req
452. - You paged him.
- She called back.Copy !req
453. Call Fisher or his scheduler and say:Copy !req
454. "I want the secretary here
in half an hour...Copy !req
455. to talk about moving his
announcement to the briefing room...Copy !req
456. because we have more TV cameras."
- Because we have...Copy !req
457. The most dangerous place in Washington
is between Bill Fisher and a TV camera.Copy !req
458. Clean as a whistle.Copy !req
459. - Thank you.
- Molly Morello.Copy !req
460. When was the last time
I asked you for anything?Copy !req
461. - By the way, I found this.
- What?Copy !req
462. "A proclamation to modify
the quantitative limitations...Copy !req
463. applicable to the imports
of wheat gluten."Copy !req
464. We are just a little rococo, aren't we?Copy !req
465. Why is Molly Morello less worthy
of a proclamation than General Pulaski?Copy !req
466. - I wish I knew who Pulaski was.
- This is what I mean.Copy !req
467. She's not less worthy,
but neither is she more than the other...Copy !req
468. ninety thousand public school teachers
who are retiring.Copy !req
469. Who weren't lucky enough
to have a staffer as a former student.Copy !req
470. - That's trouble.
- Who would find out?Copy !req
471. "Who would find out" is also
where we frequently find trouble.Copy !req
472. - You're right.
- Yes.Copy !req
473. All right, you're right.Copy !req
474. - Hey.
- You get it done?Copy !req
475. - Yeah.
- He's taking his name off it?Copy !req
476. Yeah.Copy !req
477. Well, it feels like we're
almost done in there.Copy !req
478. You wanna tell me what
this meeting's about now?Copy !req
479. Replacing Hoynes.Copy !req
480. - What are you...?
- Bruno wanted us to look at replacing.Copy !req
481. - Josh.
- So we're looking at it.Copy !req
482. We're looking at it,
and everybody's treating me like... .Copy !req
483. - Why?
- There's electoral math.Copy !req
484. - Was I sent away?
- No.Copy !req
485. - So I wouldn't be at that meeting?
- No.Copy !req
486. Are you talking about names?Copy !req
487. Fitzwallace, Leo and Ulysses S. Grant.Copy !req
488. Not for nothing, but before
we go in there, I wanna be clear.Copy !req
489. I didn't have to convince him
or even suggest it.Copy !req
490. Right off the bat he said,
"Let's take my name off it."Copy !req
491. - Yeah.
- Leo? The vice president.Copy !req
492. Thanks. You can go home now.Copy !req
493. - I go home when you go home.
- I'll get back to you.Copy !req
494. Mr. Vice President, I like your style.Copy !req
495. - It's money well spent.
- It deserved to have your name on it.Copy !req
496. I've got my name on other stuff.Copy !req
497. You know what I don't like?
I don't like we can't campaign on it.Copy !req
498. - Can you sit for a minute?
- Yeah.Copy !req
499. I'm in a bind,
and I think you know what it is.Copy !req
500. I'm sorry, I don't.Copy !req
501. I respect the anonymity of an alcoholic,
I can't reveal what's said in a meeting...Copy !req
502. but I've got a responsibility to the
president, and in fact, to the country.Copy !req
503. Leo, I'm sorry. I honestly
don't know what you're saying.Copy !req
504. - You've gotta tell the president.
- Tell him what?Copy !req
505. - That you're an alcoholic.
- Are you telling me he doesn't know?Copy !req
506. - How would he know?
- You didn't tell him?Copy !req
507. Of course I didn't.Copy !req
508. - Before you picked me, you didn't tell?
- No.Copy !req
509. - I always assumed...
- No.Copy !req
510. Well... .Copy !req
511. Let's go see our boss.Copy !req
512. - Hey.
- How was the NGA?Copy !req
513. Oh, you know the governors,
too many mandates, too little money.Copy !req
514. - I can hear that one at home.
- Good one.Copy !req
515. - The governors liked it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
516. Have you announced
for the governor of New Jersey bill?Copy !req
517. - Excuse me?
- Did I miss an announcement?Copy !req
518. That's three years away.
I'm trying to serve...Copy !req
519. I never heard of these loans. So I'm
assuming it's a campaign proposal.Copy !req
520. Camden and Newark will go nuts.
I know it's not national.Copy !req
521. - Give me a break.
- Know how I know? National programs...Copy !req
522. are announced by the president unless
this White House passes on them first.Copy !req
523. Toby, this is a nickel-and-dime program.
Calm down.Copy !req
524. Right. We're announcing a new
replacement for Social Security...Copy !req
525. - I thought we were...
- They're not your nickels.Copy !req
526. - They're not your dimes!
- Hang on a minute.Copy !req
527. The president asked me
to join his Cabinet.Copy !req
528. He asked me to stall my career
with the agreement that he'd help me...Copy !req
529. You don't want it.
You're helping yourself.Copy !req
530. If this announcement makes A17
of the Metro section, I'd be surprised.Copy !req
531. There's one name on
the ballot this November.Copy !req
532. Not yours, not mine,
not the governor of New Jersey.Copy !req
533. No one will work harder
than Jed Bartlet to put you there.Copy !req
534. This president loses reelection,
your career is finished, and so is mine.Copy !req
535. What's your point?Copy !req
536. Next time you announce
new policy that isn't cleared...Copy !req
537. we're announcing you're moving
back to New Jersey.Copy !req
538. - What about the loans?
- C.J. will announce them tomorrow.Copy !req
539. Come on.
Let me do it with the president.Copy !req
540. It's too small for the president.Copy !req
541. I've gotta go back to a meeting.Copy !req
542. - Yep. It was the rebate.
- It wasn't a rebate. It was an advance.Copy !req
543. - You say potato... .
- I do say potato, so does everybody.Copy !req
544. We wanted to inject money
into retail and tourism.Copy !req
545. Why not wait until people
were supposed to have the money?Copy !req
546. The economy might have
improved on its own by then.Copy !req
547. In which case,
it would have been pointless.Copy !req
548. - Yeah.
- Economists make it up as they go along.Copy !req
549. - Yeah.
- Did it work?Copy !req
550. Not that much.
Most people did what you did.Copy !req
551. They saved or they paid down debt.Copy !req
552. We don't want people
to save and reduce debt?Copy !req
553. We do,
but when the next guy's president.Copy !req
554. - You win.
- I always do.Copy !req
555. Yes, sir.Copy !req
556. - I'll tell you what I find interesting.
- What's that?Copy !req
557. You. $35,000 a year,
a sister to support...Copy !req
558. and you gave $ 1435 to charity?Copy !req
559. I'm not sure that check
isn't better off in your hands.Copy !req
560. Oh, I'm taking it.
Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
561. When you get to your place,
you're gonna find a DVD player...Copy !req
562. and that wimp-ass Bond movie.
- Mr. President...Copy !req
563. And I threw
in Yeoman of the Guard on CD.Copy !req
564. - That was an incredibly nice gesture.
- I'm really something.Copy !req
565. Mr. President.Copy !req
566. - Hey, John.
- Could we have a minute, sir?Copy !req
567. - Yeah.
- Charlie, get that woman on the phone.Copy !req
568. I'm feeling magical tonight.Copy !req
569. They're in the tunnel.
The readings show nothing...Copy !req
570. beyond the predictable level
of radiation.Copy !req
571. The flatbed's back on its way,
and the Carlsbad is behind gates.Copy !req
572. - So we dodged a bullet.
- Yeah.Copy !req
573. We pack this stuff in two inches
of stainless steel, four inches of lead.Copy !req
574. We rammed it with trains
and dropped it from helicopters...Copy !req
575. and it still isn't gonna protect
us from the thing we haven't thought of.Copy !req
576. They took a cast to Aberdeen Proving
Ground and shot a missile through it.Copy !req
577. They showed me video.
What can I do for you?Copy !req
578. Sir, there's something very important
we need to talk to you about.Copy !req
579. What?Copy !req
580. Well, it's delicate and surprising...Copy !req
581. and I wanna make sure your first
reaction is measured, so I'd like us to...Copy !req
582. I'm a recovering alcoholic.Copy !req
583. - Really?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
584. - Is there anybody left who's not?
- Sir...Copy !req
585. - For how long?
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
586. - How long have you been in recovery?
- My last drink...Copy !req
587. it was the year I was 22.
- Did you say 22?Copy !req
588. - Yes, sir.
- You haven't had a drink since 22?Copy !req
589. - That's right.
- I didn't start drinking till I was 25.Copy !req
590. - What the hell do you guys count...
- There's a history...Copy !req
591. in my family, and I had
a few experiences in college.Copy !req
592. I liked beer a lot.
So I started going to meetings.Copy !req
593. - I'm pretty sure if I stopped...
- Twenty-two?Copy !req
594. - Yes, sir.
- You and James Bond ought to team up.Copy !req
595. - I don't... .
- Don't worry.Copy !req
596. He's ordering a watered-down martini,
and Leo, what is this meeting...Copy !req
597. going on across the hall?
- We can talk about it later.Copy !req
598. It's a meeting about having me
replaced on the ticket.Copy !req
599. I know how to count to 270.Copy !req
600. John, I assure you... I assure you that
if it were a serious notion, we would...Copy !req
601. - Texas is gone. So is Florida.
- We're not doing it.Copy !req
602. - You should think about it.
- Are you taking your name off that bill?Copy !req
603. Nobody benefits from the Internet
right now more than the rural poor.Copy !req
604. You're taking your name off.
We can't campaign on it.Copy !req
605. - Yes, sir.
- And if somebody's attacking us...Copy !req
606. you know what to do.Copy !req
607. I call Leo.Copy !req
608. Yeah, but don't discount the possibility
that it might be Leo.Copy !req
609. Yes, sir.Copy !req
610. John, despite this recent revelation
that you drank beer in college...Copy !req
611. I've always liked you a little
more than you thought I did.Copy !req
612. But that's not why you're staying.
It's this.Copy !req
613. Four words.Copy !req
614. I've always liked you more
than you thought I did too.Copy !req
615. Just a little, right?Copy !req
616. - Yes, sir.
- Me too.Copy !req
617. Anything else?Copy !req
618. - Thank you, Mr. President.
- Thank you, sir.Copy !req
619. Charlie!Copy !req
620. - Yes, sir.
- Let's go. I'm a magic man.Copy !req
621. - Donnatella.
- Good evening, Mr. President.Copy !req
622. Tell Josh that General Pulaski
was a Polish brigadier general...Copy !req
623. who vanquished the Russian and
Prussian military, came to the colonies...Copy !req
624. and commanded our cavalry
during the Revolution.Copy !req
625. - I will.
- It says here...Copy !req
626. in a briefing paper hastily
written by Deputy Josh Lyman...Copy !req
627. that in the '60s, when the Madison
superintendent banned Twelfth Night...Copy !req
628. for reasons passing understanding...Copy !req
629. a Mrs. Molly Morello had students over
to her home on Saturdays to read it.Copy !req
630. I didn't know that, sir.Copy !req
631. Josh wrote you a memo
on Molly Morello?Copy !req
632. Yeah, because all I had tonight
was a nuclear spill in Idaho.Copy !req
633. It says,"She came in two hours early
to teach an AP English class...Copy !req
634. she developed,
because the school didn't offer one."Copy !req
635. - I was in that class.
- She deserves a proclamation.Copy !req
636. - I wish I could give her one, but I can't.
- I understand.Copy !req
637. It's just too much inside baseball,
you know?Copy !req
638. You're very nice to even talk
to me about it.Copy !req
639. Charlie, I've been tapping my finger
on the desk for about a minute now.Copy !req
640. - Sir?
- The magic-man thing works better...Copy !req
641. when you pick up on signals,
Tonto. What's that you say?Copy !req
642. There's a phone call for Donna?
Good evening.Copy !req
643. This is the White House.
For whom are you holding?Copy !req
644. I'm holding for Donna Moss.
This is Mrs. Morello.Copy !req
645. - Oh, my God.
- Donna?Copy !req
646. - Mrs. Morello, it's me.
- Is everything all right?Copy !req
647. Everything's fine.Copy !req
648. I hadn't heard from you
in a long time, so l...Copy !req
649. No. Everything's fine. Sally
Seidelman told me you were retiring.Copy !req
650. Yes, at the end of this year.Copy !req
651. Well, I just wanted to say... .Copy !req
652. I don't know, I just... .Copy !req
653. I just wanted to say... .Copy !req
654. - I don't know.
- Are you sure everything's all right?Copy !req
655. - Tell her where you are.
- Donna?Copy !req
656. I'm in the Oval Office with the
President of the United States...Copy !req
657. and it's because of you.Copy !req
658. - Mrs. Morello?
- What a thing to say.Copy !req
659. - We're all very proud of you, Donna.
- She didn't do anything.Copy !req
660. - Was that...?
- It's Jed Bartlet, Mrs. Morello.Copy !req
661. I've got a couple of questions.Copy !req
662. When you taught Beowulf,
did you make the kids read it...Copy !req
663. in the original Middle English
or did you use a translation?Copy !req
664. - We used a translation, Mr. President.
- Okay.Copy !req
665. - We'll call that the James Bond version.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
666. What are you doing
with your retirement?Copy !req
667. - My husband and I were gonna travel.
- That's great.Copy !req
668. I'd stay away from the Elk Horn,
Idaho area for a little while.Copy !req
669. You'll read why in the morning.Copy !req
670. Let's talk about Twelfth Night.Copy !req
671. - Twenty-two?
- Yeah.Copy !req
672. - You haven't had a drink since 22?
- Right.Copy !req
673. - Grant would have slapped your face.
- He did once.Copy !req
674. Listen, it's fine that this is funny and,
Mr. Vice President, I couldn't care less.Copy !req
675. - But what about the campaign?
- What about it?Copy !req
676. - President just got past an honesty issue.
- He's not past it.Copy !req
677. - If it becomes public...
- That's a big assumption.Copy !req
678. No, it's not.Copy !req
679. I think that issue
is probably worth further discussion...Copy !req
680. but we're done talking
about the ticket.Copy !req
681. The president wants the vice president
to remain the vice president...Copy !req
682. and he wrote down
his one and only reason.Copy !req
683. "Because I could die."Copy !req
684. Well, of course, he's right, sir.Copy !req
685. It doesn't solve the problem
of the electoral math.Copy !req
686. I don't know what the field
will look like after Labor Day.Copy !req
687. It'll be shaken up,
but right now the math's tough.Copy !req
688. And I know you all think he's
a punch line, and I know why.Copy !req
689. But I disagree.Copy !req
690. They're sure running
the right guy against us.Copy !req
691. Am I the only one who thinks
a giant sumo wrestler...Copy !req
692. and a hockey goal
might get the job done?Copy !req
693. I don't know. I'm open to new ideas.Copy !req