The West Wing 2x20

1. Previously on The West Wing:

2. You're scared of Babish.

3. Oh, like you're not.

4. Oliver, I'm going to tell you a story

5. and then I need you to tell me whether or not

6. I've engaged 16 people in a massive criminal conspiracy

7. to defraud the public in order to win a presidential election.

8. Have you ever signed any document

9. in which you were asked about your health

10. and did not disclose you have MS?

11. No.

12. Toby...

13. Yeah?

14. Why are you lying to me?

15. Charlie...

16. When Zoey and Ellie went to college

17. they would have had to fill out a health form.

18. Because she was 17, a parent had to sign it.

19. And she left off the MS?

20. Yeah.

21. Good morning.

22. Good morning.

23. Did anyone see you come here?

24. I really don't know.

25. Why not?

26. I really wasn't paying that much attention.

27. I wish you would.

28. I walked from my office to your office.

29. Was there press outside your office?

30. Not at 5:30 in the morning, no.

31. When did you find out about the President's MS?

32. Last night when Leo told me.

33. Who else was there?

34. Nobody.

35. Nobody else was in the room? No.

36. Have you ever lied about the President's health?

37. Should I have my lawyer here?

38. I'm your lawyer.

39. You're the President's lawyer.

40. I'm the White House Counsel, C.J.

41. Have you ever lied about the President's health?

42. When did he tell you?

43. I'm sorry?

44. When did the President tell you?

45. Six days ago.

46. And Josh?

47. Two days after that.

48. Toby? Two days before he told me.

49. C.J., have you ever lied about the President's health?

50. And Leo he told more than a year ago.

51. Yeah. And I've had this for six hours now

52. so maybe giving me some room wouldn't be totally out of line.

53. You know what I'm saying, Oliver?

54. C.J., I'm going to have to ask you some questions

55. and the less you can be pissed at the world for no particular reason

56. the better, I think.

57. I don't know you.

58. I'm sorry? I was told to report to you.

59. I don't know you. You've been here what...?

60. Three months.

61. Three months

62. so why should I trust you?

63. I don't care if you trust me or not.

64. Imagine my shock.

65. I got better things to do with my imagination.

66. I think this is going really well so far, Oliver.

67. It's almost hard to believe that four different women

68. have sued you for divorce.

69. Well, you can do that if you want, C.J.

70. I've been through it

71. a couple times with Josh and Toby, but sooner or later

72. you're going to have to answer questions.

73. Either to you or...? A grand jury.

74. Compelled by?

75. A Justice Department subpoena.

76. Well, I have to tell you

77. it'll be the first time I've been asked out

78. in quite awhile, so...

79. It's entirely possible

80. that the President has committed multiple counts

81. of a federal crime to which you were an accomplice.

82. That much has sunk in in the last six hours.

83. Has it? Yes.

84. So why don't you knock off

85. the cutie-pie crap and answer the damn question.

86. What was the question?

87. Have you ever lied about the President's health?

88. What is your answer?

89. Many, many times.

90. Mr. Connelly?

91. Yes.

92. I'm Donna Moss. I'm Josh Lyman's assistant.

93. He's tied up with Mr. McGarry for just a couple more minutes.

94. I hope you don't mind waiting.

95. No.

96. Does anybody know if it's going to rain this afternoon?

97. They're asking me.

98. The paper said mid-afternoon.

99. So we know it won't be that.

100. Call the Navy Yard for me, would you?

101. Yeah.

102. Donna.

103. Yeah.

104. Have you seen C.J.?

105. No. What's so funny?

106. Ed just got a fax from...

107. I'm sorry.

108. Ed just got a fax from

109. a man named Byron Talmadge.

110. He's the Associate Administrator

111. of NASA's Office of Space Cadets.

112. Flight.

113. Office of Space Flight. The OSF?

114. What'd the fax say? A huge Chinese satellite

115. is going to come crashing to Earth

116. and we don't know where

117. and we don't know when. Seriously?

118. Yeah, it's right here in the fax.

119. A satellite is... crashing to Earth

120. and NASA sent us a fax?

121. Yeah.

122. This is for real? Yes.

123. A satellite is going to crash into the Earth?

124. Yes.

125. Why are you laughing?

126. We thought it was funny.

127. I'm an assistant. What am I supposed

128. to do with this information?

129. The fax was for C.J.

130. Just give it to her when you see her.

131. Donna, they say it's not going to rain this afternoon.

132. Well, that's a relief.

133. All right, hear me out on this, okay? Yeah.

134. We want to see some polling.

135. Why?

136. 'Cause we need to know

137. what to do next.

138. We know what to do next. No, we don't know

139. which is the more insurmountable problem—

140. the perception that...

141. We'll call back.

142. The perception that he's not physically up to the job

143. or that he lied about it.

144. There's no way to gauge public opinion on this

145. until the issue occurs.

146. Public opinion is going to be shaped by the reaction of the press.

147. All public opinion is shaped by the reaction of the press

148. but the fundamental foundation already exists

149. in their current perception of the President...

150. Josh, how the hell are you going to take a poll without...?

151. We can do it. Leo...

152. I don't trust any of our people

153. and even if I did, what kind of questions could they ask

154. that won't trip an alarm?

155. Josh trusts Joey Lucas.

156. From California?

157. Yeah, she's flying in right now.

158. What did you tell her?

159. I told her we were commissioning a poll

160. to explore attitudes towards subsurface agricultural products.

161. Subsurface agricultural...? Underground.

162. What the hell...? We think Americans

163. are eating more beets.

164. Beets?

165. Yeah.

166. All right.

167. Okay?

168. Yeah.

169. Toby

170. you want to talk about when we tell Sam?

171. I wouldn't do it right now.

172. Why?

173. His head is in the SME speech for Chicago...

174. The thing... Hang on.

175. His head is in Chicago

176. and that's where we need it.

177. Would you want to write the speech

178. with this other thing around your neck?

179. No.

180. The President wants him to know

181. by the end of the day.

182. The end of the day then.

183. Okay.

184. Anything else?

185. No. Thanks.

186. Thank you.

187. Thanks.

188. When does she get here?

189. Six o'clock.

190. You do this carefully.

191. No kidding.

192. You trust this person?

193. I got to trust somebody right now.

194. Good, 'cause I don't trust anybody right now.

195. Josh.

196. Yeah.

197. A fax was sent to the press office

198. from the Office of Space Flight at NASA.

199. A Chinese satellite called Zodiac

200. has fallen out of its orbit

201. and will be falling to Earth

202. at an unspecified time and place.

203. What are you telling me for?

204. What am I telling you for? Yeah.

205. This giant thing is falling to Earth.

206. They're watching it on radar.

207. Isn't there something we do?

208. Like what?

209. Like sound the alarm, I don't know.

210. Sound the alarm?

211. There is no alarm.

212. There's really not.

213. Martin? Yes.

214. Sorry to keep you waiting. Oh, that's okay.

215. Come on back. Josh...

216. The fax is for the press office. Give it to them.

217. The deputies are at breakfast

218. and I don't know where C.J. is.

219. Uh, Martin, you can have a seat in my office.

220. C.J.'s meeting with Babish.

221. I'll be inside.

222. You're not concerned about this?

223. No.

224. I apologize again.

225. No, that's all right.

226. I assume you know why I'm here.

227. I don't, actually.

228. Mac Sheridan was going to talk to you first.

229. I have a call to return to Mac.

230. I should wait until he talks to you.

231. Why don't you talk to me now?

232. The case is running out of money.

233. Which case?

234. The U.S. v... You're kidding me.

235. No.

236. Martin, we spent $13 million the first year

237. $23 million the second.

238. Where's the money going?

239. Outside counsel and staff, depositions, expert witnesses

240. processing, database, research.

241. Yeah.

242. We have 31 lawyers on a case

243. against five tobacco companies, just one of which has 342.

244. We won't count the 13 subsidiaries

245. that have mounted their own defense.

246. Tobacco has spent $380 million to the government's

247. $36 million.

248. So when I come here asking for money

249. it's not 'cause the Justice Department

250. blew its allowance on video games.

251. I should have let Mac talk to you first.

252. Aren't you allowed

253. to transfer funds...?

254. Yeah, that's what we've been doing.

255. We've been transferring money

256. from Commerce and Health and Human Services

257. to pay for the lawsuit

258. but then the House passed HR-260

259. and now the Committees... Yeah.

260. You understand?

261. Yeah, let me run it by Leo.

262. This is a fight worth winning.

263. You don't have to convince me.

264. These people perpetrated a fraud against the public.

265. I'm sorry?

266. I said they perpetrated a fraud against the public.

267. The tobacco companies?

268. Yeah.

269. Well, I'm going to talk to Leo

270. and I'll tell Mac you were here.

271. Thank you.

272. C.J.: Let me just finish this.

273. He was hemodynamically stable with a blood pressure of 140/80.

274. Cholesterol level is 185.

275. The QRS interval on the EKG is slightly long

276. but otherwise good.

277. The President is pronounced

278. in excellent physical health.

279. What was that, March of last year?

280. Yeah. How many times

281. have you done that?

282. I'd have to go back and check.

283. Estimate.

284. If that was March

285. of last year, then that was his fourth physical.

286. Then there were a couple times during the campaign

287. and after the shooting...

288. Yeah?

289. And the time he rode

290. his bicycle into a tree.

291. When he sprained his ankle.

292. Yeah.

293. Tell me how it works.

294. What do you mean?

295. When the President has a physical.

296. The President's physician— right now

297. it's Admiral Leonard Morrow— the President's physician calls

298. and gives me a short statement including vitals.

299. And then you make a statement to the press.

300. Yeah.

301. Do you speak to the President

302. before you make a statement?

303. Yes. Why?

304. Because of doctor-patient confidentiality.

305. There's only so much you're going to get from the doctor.

306. So what do you ask the President?

307. I say, "Is there anything I should know about your health

308. Or do you say, "Is there anything I need to know?"

309. What does it matter?

310. "Is there anything I need to know"

311. implies you only want to know enough to face reporters

312. while maintaining deniability.

313. It's an expression.

314. Did you use it?

315. I really don't remember, I don't.

316. I don't choose my words that carefully.

317. With the President?

318. You think I was speaking

319. to the President in code?

320. No, I was just asking.

321. Yeah.

322. Excuse me.

323. C.J., this is a note from Donna Moss.

324. She wanted you to see it right away.

325. Thanks.

326. The sky is falling down.

327. how large it should be, how small it should be

328. what share should be received by whom—

329. all of this, my friends, is the wrong debate at the wrong time

330. over the wrong issue. Yes.

331. We need to get back to fundamentals.

332. Where is that? Where is what?

333. "We need to get back to fundamentals."

334. It's not in the speech.

335. I'm saying it. We need

336. to get back to fundamentals.

337. Excuse me.

338. Think about fundamentals.

339. Ready for some good news?

340. Yeah.

341. Not out here.

342. This is going to be a front page story tomorrow.

343. There's a front page story tomorrow

344. I don't know about yet?

345. You're going to know about it in two hours.

346. But I'm going to know about it now, right?

347. CBO's going to issue a new estimate of the surplus.

348. They're projecting it down? Yeah.

349. We don't have as much money as we thought? No.

350. That's great news. It's not great news Yeah.

351. that we have less money. I'm saying... Yeah.

352. 'Cause the floor fight's going to be easier.

353. How much less money? When they project eight years out

354. It's $200 billion less.

355. Nine years out

356. it's $400 billion less.

357. That is great. Yeah.

358. It's not great that we have...

359. Sam, we get why it's great.

360. I can't even tell you how much this helps.

361. I'm drafting the SME speech for Chicago and I can really...

362. That's why we're telling you.

363. There's a line that ATJ and the Progressive Caucus

364. want in the Chicago speech.

365. I got it here.

366. "We want a real tax cut for working families

367. "to help them pay for higher education

368. "and housing, while our opponents want to help the rich

369. pay for bigger swimming pools and faster private jets."

370. No, I don't think so.

371. They want it in. No, no, no.

372. Why not? Well, for one thing, it's very bad writing.

373. Change the writing.

374. Summer homes and sports cars.

375. The poetry's not my problem.

376. They want it in Chicago.

377. Tell them to do their own speech.

378. This one's for the President.

379. You want to tell them that?

380. No.

381. Okay.

382. We have less money?

383. Isn't that great?

384. Yes, it is. Thanks.

385. C.J., are you aware that a year ago January

386. the President had an attack?

387. I am now.

388. You were there when he collapsed.

389. I was outside the room.

390. But you went into the room

391. when he was unconscious.

392. Yes. What made you go into the room?

393. The sound of a Steuben glass pitcher

394. crashing to the floor.

395. What did you think had happened?

396. I didn't know.

397. Well, what did you think?

398. Well, at first glance, I thought he might have a virus

399. contracted from a rare African tsetse fly

400. possibly Tropical sprue.

401. I'm not an expert, but I did meet a man once in India.

402. Yeah. It could be anything

403. with these Presidents.

404. James Polk had diverticulitis.

405. Yeah? Couldn't digest nuts. I'll tell you what else.

406. One in 40 American men wear women's clothing

407. and we've had well over 40 Presidents.

408. Yeah. I'm just saying

409. one of these guys was dancing

410. around the Oval Office in a prom dress.

411. Now, let's get to the bottom of that.

412. C.J. Yeah.

413. In my entire life

414. I've never found anything charming.

415. Really?

416. You announced to the press it was the flu.

417. Yes. Who told you to say it was the flu?

418. I wasn't told to say it was the flu.

419. I was told it was the flu.

420. Who told...? I'm not getting into that!

421. I'm not getting into who said what.

422. We can do that at the next

423. of what I'm sure will be many sessions.

424. Okay.

425. Do you know what time it is?

426. It's five past noon.

427. I'd like you to get out

428. of the habit of doing that.

429. Doing what?

430. Answering more than was asked.

431. Do you know what time it is?

432. Yes.

433. We'll take a break

434. and meet again later today.

435. Hey.

436. You see this?

437. That was nice.

438. We got good reviews on the commencement speech.

439. Yeah? From Leonard Wachtel, of all places.

440. You got a second? He calls you and me

441. the Batman and Robin of speech-writing.

442. Well, I don't think he does.

443. He doesn't, but he should, 'cause that's what we are.

444. Okay.

445. We're Batman and Robin.

446. Which one's which?

447. Look at me, Sam. Am I Robin?

448. I'm not Robin. Yes, you are.

449. Okay, well, let's move off this.

450. You bet, little friend.

451. Listen, we're really not Batman and Robin.

452. No, we'll keep those identities secret.

453. I'm Bruce Wayne and you're my ward.

454. Toby... Dick something.

455. Jane Gentry and Richard Will

456. came to see me with some news.

457. The CBO's projection... Really?

458. Yes. Has us $200 billion lower

459. eight years out.

460. That's fantastic news. Yes.

461. When is this real?

462. This afternoon.

463. The projections are lower?

464. Measurably lower.

465. I'm so happy I could spit.

466. This is really the first administration in history

467. to favor slower economic growth.

468. I favor it when it gives us a bat and a ball on tax cuts.

469. Yeah.

470. We offer them a deal.

471. We lower the bottom rate

472. from 15 to ten percent, but we stand our ground

473. on no tax cut in the top bracket

474. and you know why?

475. Because it turns out

476. we might not be able to afford it.

477. Isn't it great?

478. Yeah, it's Christmas in Paris

479. but there's a line ATJ and the Progressive Caucus

480. want me to put in the draft for Chicago.

481. What?

482. That we want to do great things

483. but our opponents want bigger swimming pools

484. and faster private jets.

485. Their private jets are too slow?

486. Toby... Change the writing.

487. It's not the writing.

488. I know.

489. Listen.

490. Yeah?

491. Nothing.

492. Okay.

493. Don't worry about it.

494. So...

495. I have to go to a meeting.

496. You should talk to somebody at ATJ or the Caucus.

497. Okay, I'm going to do that then.

498. Yeah. Okay.

499. Hey, Donna.

500. Hey, Charlie.

501. Is there

502. anything you need?

503. Nope. Just came in to say hi.

504. How you doing?

505. Good.

506. So, NASA's OSF tells us

507. that the 30th Space Wing at Vandenberg Air Force Base

508. believes that a Chinese satellite

509. has fallen out of its orbital... flight plan.

510. The last detection the 30th had

511. placed it in what they call a "degrading orbital path"

512. and it's now dropped off their radar

513. suggesting it's begun a rapid fall

514. towards the Earth's atmosphere.

515. Cool. No, it's not.

516. What's the matter with you people? What'd I do?

517. A thing the size of a garbage truck

518. is going to be in a 2,000-mile-an-hour free fall

519. and no one knows where it's going to hit.

520. I'm voting for Zurich.

521. Charlie... I've had it up to here

522. with the Swiss. You don't...

523. Hang on. Excuse me.

524. Good afternoon.

525. Welcome back, Mrs. Bartlet.

526. Thank you.

527. A couple of reminders.

528. You're at the Board

529. of the Children's Cancer Fund at the Sheraton.

530. That's at 3:00.

531. Before that, I want to be...

532. Yeah, you're going to read

533. at the Head Start program in Southeast.

534. Welcome back, Mrs. Bartlet.

535. That's a snappy suit, Bobby.

536. I got a medevac helicopter named after me. ay?

537. Yeah?

538. An AS335 F1 Twinstar named Abigail.

539. I got to break a bottle of cider over its nose.

540. Charlie. Welcome back, ma'am.

541. Thank you. Where's the President?

542. He's waiting for you inside.

543. Thank you.

544. Hey.

545. Hi.

546. Welcome back.

547. How come I just found out about this?

548. How was the flight?

549. Jed.

550. How come I just found out about this?

551. When Leo talked to you on the plane

552. he thought you already knew.

553. You think I'm saying this is Leo's fault?

554. I'm asking, how come you didn't tell me last week?

555. And I'm saying we still do this.

556. We're husband and wife and parents

557. and before we launch into palace intrigue

558. we do "Welcome back. How was the flight?"

559. What happened?

560. One of the forms Zoey had to fill out for Georgetown

561. asked for a family medical history.

562. Yes.

563. Did Leo tell you the rest?

564. Not after he realized that you hadn't told me already

565. which is a subject, I assure you, we'll be

566. returning to in a moment.

567. Zoey wasn't 18 yet

568. when she started.

569. A parent had to sign the form.

570. Did you sign it?

571. No, you did, hot pants.

572. I signed it?

573. It's going to be okay.

574. Why didn't you tell me on the phone?

575. Look.

576. We talk on the phone

577. three times a day!

578. 'Cause I didn't! 'Cause that's...

579. 'Cause I didn't.

580. I talked to Zoey this morning.

581. She's going to ace her finals.

582. She told me.

583. I hate Ellie's boyfriend.

584. She told me.

585. I need you to speak to the White House Counsel, Abbey.

586. I know.

587. Hey.

588. The First Lady's back?

589. Yeah.

590. I was talking to her on the phone

591. and I mentioned Zoey's application

592. without realizing the President hadn't told her yet.

593. Why hadn't the President told her yet?

594. What do you want from me?

595. $30 million.

596. No.

597. Martin Connelly

598. who's an Assistant Attorney General

599. in the Civil Division

600. says they're out of money.

601. On the suit? Yeah.

602. They're always out of money.

603. We don't give them enough.

604. We passed a law last summer

605. that says they can transfer funds from Commerce

606. from Health and Human Services.

607. They can take it from Veterans' Affairs up to what?

608. I think $12 million.

609. Yeah, but the problem is the law says

610. that those transfers are subject to approval

611. by various House Committees, each of which has a chairman

612. elected with the $8 million tobacco spent

613. in the last election

614. and even if the transfers were approved

615. it wouldn't matter

616. 'cause $12 million isn't going to get it done.

617. Neither is $30 million.

618. Then let's give them more.

619. No. 'Cause we're going to lose. Why?

620. So you give them enough to win.

621. We'd have to liquidate the Grand Tetons.

622. They're saying $30 million

623. and I think it's a steal at twice the price.

624. Well, staff it out to some people

625. and report it to me in what...?

626. Two, three days?

627. Good.

628. I'm going out to the airport.

629. All right.

630. Do a job.

631. Yeah.

632. Hi.

633. Hey, Sam.

634. Henry, Helen.

635. Hey, Bruce.

636. How you doing, Sam?

637. Lewis. We just have a few minutes, right?

638. There's a caucus.

639. Well, you've already heard the good news.

640. The CBO, when they project eight years out

641. has the budget surplus coming in

642. $200 billion lower than we thought.

643. That's great.

644. Yeah, okay, there's something wrong

645. with all of us, but that's for a different time.

646. What I wanted to mention was Jane Gentry and Richard Will

647. say you guys want a line in the Chicago draft.

648. "Jet planes and swimming pools."

649. Yeah, that "our opponents want to help the rich

650. pay for bigger swimming pools and faster private jets."

651. Yeah, hit them hard.

652. Well, we are hitting them hard

653. but I'm not going to use the line.

654. Why not?

655. First of all, it's bad writing. What's wrong with it?

656. It sounds like it was written by a high school girl.

657. Is there something wrong with the way a woman writes?

658. There usually is when she's in high school.

659. Sam...

660. It's not the writing.

661. Come on, Henry.

662. "Faster private jets and swimming pools"?

663. We can take out the heavy bats now.

664. And do what with them?

665. The line works.

666. So does "How 'bout dem Cowboys?"

667. when you're playing a club in Dallas

668. but the line isn't going to change the mind

669. of anyone who doesn't already agree with us.

670. Sam, are you in favor of tax cuts for the wealthy?

671. I am not.

672. I am in favor of tax cuts

673. for those for whom it will do the most good

674. and that's a tough enough battle

675. and it looks like all of a sudden, we've got a fair fight.

676. But I'm not talking about policy.

677. I'm talking about rhetoric

678. and the men you work for

679. need to dial it down to five.

680. Henry, last fall, every time your boss

681. got on the stump and said

682. "It's time for the rich to pay their fair share"

683. I hid under a couch and changed my name.

684. I left Gage-Whitney making $400,000 a year

685. which means I paid 27 times the national average in income tax.

686. I paid my fair share

687. and the fair share of 26 other people

688. and I'm happy to

689. 'cause that's the only way it's going to work

690. and it's in my best interest that everybody

691. be able to go to schools

692. and drive on roads

693. but I don't get 27 votes on Election Day

694. the Fire Department doesn't come 27 times faster

695. and the water doesn't come out of my faucet 27 times hotter.

696. The top one percent of wage earners in this country

697. pay for 22% of this country.

698. Let's not call them names while they're doing it

699. is all I'm saying.

700. You're not using the line? No.

701. Or anything like it? No.

702. And I hope you'll make it clear to your people

703. that this had nothing to do with diluting our position or cozying up to Republicans.

704. No, why would they think that?

705. We've got a caucus.

706. I know plenty of women who can write, Helen.

707. I know women

708. who can blow the walls off brick buildings.

709. This sounds like a girl.

710. Airlines flight 1106 now arriving from Los Angeles.

711. Joey!

712. Joey...

713. how you doing?

714. Hey.

715. I'm Josh Lyman.

716. Dale Bracket.

717. What happened to Kenny?

718. He's on vacation.

719. So, you're the substitute interpreter?

720. Yeah.

721. You came here to pick me up at the airport?

722. Not exactly.

723. Dale, I'm going to ask you

724. to wait over here, okay?

725. Uh, Joey, you're going to read my lips

726. and if I can't understand what you're saying

727. you'll write it down, all right?

728. Okay.

729. Excuse us.

730. Dale?

731. Yes.

732. Pretty good-looking for an interpreter

733. wouldn't you say?

734. He's good-looking for anybody.

735. Dale Bracket?

736. Yes.

737. He's not a television detective?

738. We can't talk about this in the car?

739. I'm sorry?

740. We can't talk about this in the car?

741. You're not getting in the car.

742. Why?

743. 'Cause you're getting back on a plane

744. in an hour and ten minutes.

745. All right, if we sit like this

746. can Dale Bracket, PI, read my lips?

747. No.

748. Okay...

749. You're not talking to me

750. about an agriculture poll.

751. No kidding.

752. You guessed that?

753. We think we're eating more beets?

754. Well, we are, but... that's not important.

755. What's important?

756. Hi, what can I get for you?

757. Uh, cranberry juice and club soda

758. and, um, I'll have a large glass of ice water.

759. I told Leo McGarry that we could trust you

760. and Toby backed me up.

761. What's important?

762. Eight years ago, the President was diagnosed with an illness

763. that was never disclosed.

764. Yes.

765. What is it?

766. Cranberry and club

767. and a large glass of ice water.

768. Yeah.

769. Excuse me, the First Lady.

770. Thank you.

771. Oliver.

772. Good afternoon, Mrs. Bartlet.

773. How are you? I'm fine, thank you.

774. I haven't been in this office since you moved in.

775. It looks great.

776. Thank you.

777. I haven't come in here

778. because it seems like every time I do

779. there's a new White House Counsel.

780. I think Leo keeps them in the basement

781. like those two ladies in Arsenic and Old Lace.

782. Yeah?

783. Anyway, the President is very glad you're here

784. particularly in this time of nonsense.

785. Ma'am, would you mind

786. if I asked you a few questions?

787. I'm not as experienced in this as the senior staff.

788. I've read a book about Daniel Webster.

789. I've read a book about Benjamin Disraeli.

790. It seems the little experience I do have is with dead lawyers.

791. Just out of curiosity, ma'am, how'd they die?

792. If you're under the impression

793. you're the fifth White House Counsel

794. instead of the first White House Counsel

795. because of me, you're mistaken, Oliver.

796. I wasn't under that impression, but I think we should stick

797. to the matter if it's all right with you.

798. You want to ask me some questions?

799. Yes, ma'am.

800. About Zoey's health form?

801. Yep.

802. It was a form.

803. It asked for, among other things

804. the family's medical history.

805. It was left blank.

806. It was a form; it was one of many forms.

807. I signed it without reading it.

808. Was anyone else in the room when you signed it?

809. It was over a year ago. I really don't remember.

810. Was the President in the room? I really don't remember.

811. You understand that when I ask the President that question, he's going to tell the truth.

812. And I imagine the President

813. will also resent your implication

814. that I didn't just do the same.

815. So the President wasn't in the room when you signed it?

816. I don't remember; he doesn't remember.

817. Mrs. Bartlet...

818. Oliver, you have kids, there are forms.

819. School trips and soccer

820. and band uniforms and report cards

821. and notes to get out of gym.

822. You've signed those forms for your kids.

823. Their mother usually signs them.

824. And so do I

825. and by the way, when you're the daughter

826. of the Governor of New Hampshire

827. and the President of the United States

828. there's a lot more forms on top of that.

829. I understand. Do you?

830. Yes, but a lawyer half my size

831. while cross-examining you during deposition

832. will the say the following.

833. He will say, "Mrs. Bartlet, do you have an MD from Harvard?"

834. Yes.

835. "Are you board certified in Internal Medicine?" Yes.

836. "Are you board certified in Thoracic Surgery?" Yes.

837. "Are you an Adjunct Professor of Thoracic Surgery

838. at Harvard Medical School?" Yes.

839. "Are you on the staff

840. of Boston Mercy Hospital and Columbia Presbyterian?" Yes.

841. "Have you been practicing medicine for 26 years?" Yes.

842. "Are you not able to recognize a standard medical history

843. when it is put in front of your face?"

844. I didn't read it. I didn't think it was important.

845. "What else have you signed without thinking it was important? Prescriptions?"

846. No.

847. "Patient instructions?"

848. No!

849. "So just this?"

850. Oliver, I am not

851. an expert on the diseases

852. of the central nervous system

853. but I can tell you that MS is not hereditary.

854. The President's condition

855. has absolutely no relevance to Zoey's health status.

856. Well, now you're changing your story, Mrs. Bartlet.

857. No, I'm not.

858. Did you sign it because you were absentminded

859. or did you sign it because you knew best?

860. I signed it 'cause...

861. I just signed it.

862. It was a form

863. and I think making a big thing out of it

864. is what makes it into a big thing.

865. Really?

866. And I'm not 100% sure

867. that that's not what you're going for.

868. Why would I want to make it a big thing?

869. Because defending the President in prime time

870. looks good on a resume.

871. Well, I've got a pretty good-looking resume

872. already, Mrs. Bartlet

873. and it's not a big thing because I say so, ma'am.

874. It's a big thing.

875. You're going to get all the questions

876. I just asked you and quite a few more

877. and then they're going to ask the President

878. if he was in the room when you signed it

879. and that's when he's going to give everyone's favorite answer

880. from a President who has just announced he has MS:

881. "I don't remember."

882. When are you going to go public?

883. Probably in a week.

884. They're still strategizing.

885. Probably a live interview on the networks?

886. Yeah.

887. Jim Lehrer, Tim Russert, Barbara Walters...

888. you... somebody...

889. the President sitting in a den.

890. Yeah.

891. Followed by a live conference.

892. They're working on the strategy.

893. "I regret that I concealed my condition from the public.

894. "I regret the appearance that I tried to deceive the voters

895. in order to win an election."

896. Yes.

897. And if we don't make it a big thing

898. they won't make it a big thing?

899. Mrs. Bartlet, I'm not sure you have an appropriate appreciation

900. of the size of what happens next.

901. When are you going public?

902. Probably in about a week.

903. A week? Yeah.

904. How? We're deciding.

905. Probably a live interview

906. followed by a press conference.

907. So we need to know what we're talking about.

908. Joey, we need you to put a poll in the field.

909. You got to come up with a model that gets us the answers we need

910. without asking the questions we can't ask.

911. You got to come up with a model by yourself.

912. You got to break down the results by yourself.

913. Not even the callers

914. can understand the questions they're asking

915. and you got to do it all in 96 hours.

916. Is what I'm describing possible?

917. We make it a Governor.

918. A Governor?

919. Of an industrial state.

920. I-I...

921. The Governor of an industrial state.

922. Michigan.

923. And you give him a degenerative illness?

924. Joey, you understand

925. that before this is over, we're probably all going

926. to be spending some time in front of a grand jury.

927. You can do this?

928. No problem.

929. Los Angeles passengers

930. pre-boarding for flight number 1217...

931. That's your flight.

932. Josh... Yeah?

933. How's the President?

934. He's fine.

935. He's fine.

936. I'll tell him you asked.

937. 96 hours?

938. Yeah.

939. I have to go to work now.

940. The Chinese Embassy won't even

941. admit it's their satellite.

942. We know it's their satellite.

943. We've been looking at it for seven years.

944. It's like looking through a telescope

945. and knowing Mars is Mars.

946. Donna, please tell me you didn't call the Chinese Embassy.

947. I didn't call the Embassy.

948. People called the Embassy.

949. It's not like this isn't cause for concern.

950. That's right. That's right.

951. The Chinese news networks aren't reporting it

952. 'cause they won't admit it's happening.

953. Why do you suppose the American news networks aren't reporting it?

954. That's a fascinating question to me.

955. To all of us.

956. We don't even know what kind of satellite it is.

957. Could be anything.

958. Communications. That's right.

959. Weather. Yep.

960. Could be a spy satellite.

961. Could have plutonium. That's right.

962. Plutonium?

963. Yeah.

964. Plutonium.

965. Well, nuclear reactors on a satellite

966. aren't that common, but you never know.

967. No, I suppose you don't.

968. Hey, Donna.

969. Good evening, ma'am. Welcome back.

970. Thank you.

971. How was the trip?

972. Well, I got a medevac helicopter named after me.

973. Hello, how are you?

974. I'm fine, but there's a giant object

975. hurtling its way toward us

976. at a devastating velocity.

977. Tell me about it.

978. C.J.

979. Good evening, ma'am.

980. Can I talk to you for a second?

981. Sure.

982. How was your day?

983. Well, I got pretty well bitch-slapped

984. by the White House Counsel, ma'am, how about you?

985. I wanted to be here when you were told.

986. I didn't know they were going to tell you last night.

987. You know, Leo called me into the Oval Office.

988. It was about 11:00

989. and I was standing with Toby when Leo called me in

990. and Toby said, uh...

991. "I'll be right here in my office when you're done."

992. I... I didn't know what he meant or why he said it.

993. Yeah.

994. Babish said there's a difference between asking the President

995. "Is there anything else I should know?"

996. And, "Is there anything else I need to know?"

997. He seemed to think

998. "need to know" implies I know something already

999. but I don't want it confirmed in order to maintain...

1000. deniability.

1001. Well, he's a lawyer, C.J.

1002. He's vetting; it's his job.

1003. I told him I couldn't remember which one I say.

1004. There were a lot of things I couldn't remember.

1005. Abbey...

1006. during the campaign, we were in Manhattan, Kansas

1007. at a Sheraton or a Marriott—

1008. I can't remember—

1009. but we were in Manhattan, Kansas

1010. and I came to your suite early to tell you

1011. we'd be doing Nightline that night

1012. and we had to get to an ABC affiliate

1013. and I think by then, the two of you

1014. were so used to people walking in and out of your room

1015. that you didn't hear me open the door

1016. and I was almost sure I saw you giving the President

1017. an injection of something.

1018. It was Betaseron.

1019. It reduces the frequency of the attacks.

1020. When the President has his physical

1021. and I do the release

1022. I only ever ask, "Is there anything else I need to know?"

1023. Come on in.

1024. She's in.

1025. What's she going to do?

1026. "If the Governor of a major industrial state

1027. "had a degenerative illness

1028. "which he hadn't disclosed during the election

1029. "but has yet to impair his job performance

1030. would you still support him?"

1031. Which governor?

1032. Michigan.

1033. Well...

1034. then we'll wait.

1035. Yeah.

1036. Listen, about this Justice appropriation...

1037. You're going to do a report?

1038. Yeah.

1039. Then can I read the report

1040. before you ask me to green light

1041. another multimillion-dollar battle

1042. that'll have no support in Congress?

1043. Yeah.

1044. I just brought it up

1045. because this assistant AG, Martin Connelly

1046. when he left my office this morning

1047. he turned and said

1048. "They perpetrated a fraud

1049. against the public."

1050. And the look on his face when he said it...

1051. They want to get these people.

1052. We're not big tobacco.

1053. Yeah.

1054. He's expecting me.

1055. Okay.

1056. Good evening, Mr. President.

1057. Leo, how could you tell Abbey about the health form

1058. before I did?

1059. I didn't know you hadn't told her.

1060. My wife and I are fighting battles

1061. on several fronts at the moment, including one with each other.

1062. Can you and I be men?

1063. Can we have a bond?

1064. We're putting a poll in the field.

1065. How?

1066. We're using a woman Josh and Toby trust

1067. named Joey Lucas.

1068. I met Joey Lucas.

1069. She's basically giving MS to the Governor of Michigan.

1070. How's he going to feel about that?

1071. Don't worry about it.

1072. This is a bad idea.

1073. We've got to do it.

1074. I'm coming clean. I'm doing it voluntarily.

1075. Anyone finds out

1076. it's going to look like I did it 'cause a poll told me to.

1077. Then it'd be a good idea if nobody found out.

1078. All right.

1079. Why don't you get Sam.

1080. So...

1081. Yeah.

1082. I think I may have offended...

1083. Oh, God. Yeah.

1084. Who?

1085. Well, I met with some of the staffers

1086. for Americans for Tax Justice and the Progressive Caucus.

1087. And you think you may have

1088. offended them?

1089. Yeah, and girls, possibly.

1090. Were you right?

1091. Yeah. Toby, it's class...

1092. That's all you need to tell me.

1093. I trust you.

1094. Sam? Yeah.

1095. Come see the President and me a minute, would you?

1096. Yeah.

1097. Sam? Yeah?

1098. I'll be here in my office when you're done.

1099. Yeah, okay.

1100. C.J.

1101. Hey.

1102. You walking?

1103. Yeah.

1104. I met with Joey Lucas today.

1105. I heard.

1106. So now the President's got Leo worried

1107. it's going to look like we announced it

1108. 'cause we took a poll.

1109. What do you think?

1110. What?

1111. The President and Leo are worried about that?

1112. Yeah.

1113. What?

1114. You guys are like Butch and Sundance

1115. peering over the edge of a cliff

1116. to the boulder-filled rapids 300 feet below

1117. thinking you better not jump

1118. 'cause there's a chance you might drown.

1119. The President has this disease

1120. and has been lying about it, and you guys are worried

1121. that the polling might make us look bad?

1122. It's the fall that's gonna kill you.

1123. Us.

1124. What?

1125. You said...

1126. "It's the fall that's gonna kill you."

1127. You meant "us."

1128. Where you going, C.J.?

1129. I'm going home.

1130. No, I meant... I know what you meant.

1131. I want to sleep for a while.

1132. I'm going home.

1133. You know, uh...

1134. Donna got hold of this fax

1135. that was sent to the press office

1136. from the OSF at NASA.

1137. What, something falling out of the sky?

1138. Yeah.

1139. We get that fax once a week.

1140. Yeah, but Donna doesn't know that.

1141. She thinks it's an emergency.

1142. And you didn't want to tell her?

1143. No, 'cause the other way

1144. you get a day's worth of entertainment

1145. without leaving the office.

1146. She doesn't know that these things

1147. fall out of the sky all the time...

1148. once every ten days, as a matter of fact.

1149. Since the first year

1150. we started putting manmade objects in space

1151. 17,000 have come back, and remarkably

1152. not one person has been hit.

1153. So I suppose there's an argument to be made

1154. that we're due.

1155. Yeah.

1156. You picked me right up there, Josh.

1157. See you tomorrow.

1158. Yeah.