1. Previously on The West Wing:Copy !req
2. Eagle's by.Copy !req
3. It's the most important thing.Copy !req
4. - Not more important than your marriage.
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
5. I'm a nice guy having a bad day.
I accidentally slept with a prostitute.Copy !req
6. - Which kid is my boss's daughter?
- That would be me.Copy !req
7. My youngest daughter, Zoey,
is down from Hanover.Copy !req
8. Don't call her ma'am.Copy !req
9. - I should call you Zoey?
- If I can call you Charlie.Copy !req
10. Nine, no help. Jack, no help.Copy !req
11. Eight, possible flush.
King, possible flush.Copy !req
12. Ace, no help.
Six, possible straight.Copy !req
13. Love for the dealer.
Ace bets.Copy !req
14. - Check.
- Check.Copy !req
15. - Check.
- Check.Copy !req
16. Check.Copy !req
17. Check.Copy !req
18. - Mr. President?
- There is one fruit...Copy !req
19. - Oh, please.
- There is one fruit...Copy !req
20. Mr. President, check or bet, sir.Copy !req
21. - There is one fruit...
- Or give us a quiz on inane trivia.Copy !req
22. There is one fruit whose seeds
are on the outside. Name it.Copy !req
23. - Is it the kumquat?
- No.Copy !req
24. Check or bet, sir?Copy !req
25. I bet five.Copy !req
26. - Call.
- See it.Copy !req
27. Fold.Copy !req
28. - See it.
- Call it.Copy !req
29. I see it, and I raise you five.Copy !req
30. Trouble.Copy !req
31. Mr. President?Copy !req
32. It's the strawberry.Copy !req
33. I raised your bet.Copy !req
34. Yes, you did. And it was a bold move,
as Leo has the six you're looking for.Copy !req
35. - You call the raise?
- It depends.Copy !req
36. On what?Copy !req
37. There are 14 punctuation marks in
standard English grammar. Name them.Copy !req
38. - Period.
- Comma.Copy !req
39. - Colon.
- Semicolon.Copy !req
40. - Dash.
- Hyphen.Copy !req
41. Apostrophe.Copy !req
42. brackets, parentheses,
braces and ellipses.Copy !req
43. Do you call the raise?Copy !req
44. There are only three words in English
that begin with the letters D-W.Copy !req
45. This is why we get nothing done.Copy !req
46. Can anyone name them for me?Copy !req
47. Three words that begin with D-W?Copy !req
48. - Dwindle.
- Dwarf.Copy !req
49. Dwindle and dwarf...Copy !req
50. Come on, Princeton, we got two.Copy !req
51. I see your five
and raise you five.Copy !req
52. Dwarf, dwindle...Copy !req
53. Fold.Copy !req
54. Last card down.Copy !req
55. "A witch's brew, a magic spell,
an enchanted forest where... "Copy !req
56. Dwell! Dwindle, dwarf and dwell.Copy !req
57. The answer's correct,
but let's check with our judges...Copy !req
58. I'm sorry, time expired.Copy !req
59. - What time?
- My time.Copy !req
60. You have your own time?Copy !req
61. I call.Copy !req
62. Trip nines.Copy !req
63. Take your money, sir.Copy !req
64. You'd "dwell" to report that
to the IRS, because I will.Copy !req
65. I'm done. I'm heading home.Copy !req
66. - Kiss Jenny for me.
- I will.Copy !req
67. Sam, I'm going to the office for
the commerce report. You?Copy !req
68. - I was gonna go home.
- Sam...Copy !req
69. I'm going to the office
for the commerce report. You?Copy !req
70. I'm going to make sure
you understand the commerce report.Copy !req
71. When I'm through you'll know all about
standard data vs. sampling data.Copy !req
72. Charlie, I'm going to the residence.Copy !req
73. - I've got some paperwork.
- Don't stay too late.Copy !req
74. - How'd you do?
- 84 bucks.Copy !req
75. - Most of that's mine.
- What's that?Copy !req
76. Mr. President, I'm sorry,
the building's not secure.Copy !req
77. Would everyone stay in the room?Copy !req
78. - This happens way too often.
- It's pledge week at the fraternities.Copy !req
79. - Clear the windows.
- The whole room is windows.Copy !req
80. - Josh.
- I'm cooperating.Copy !req
81. This will be under control soon, sir.Copy !req
82. What body of water in South America
is formed by...?Copy !req
83. Excuse me, Wink Martindale.
Is this really the time?Copy !req
84. Not up on your South American
maritime geography?Copy !req
85. - Clear.
- Saved by the bell.Copy !req
86. This didn't used to happen
at my old job.Copy !req
87. - Cathy, I need Article 1, Section 2.
- Of what?Copy !req
88. - The Constitution.
- I should have that at my desk?Copy !req
89. Does anybody have a copy
of the Constitution?Copy !req
90. - This is discouraging.
- Bonnie, get Toby a copy.Copy !req
91. - Is it still in print?
- For crying out loud! Try Amazon. Com.Copy !req
92. Or bust into the glass display
case at the National Archives!Copy !req
93. You shouldn't yell.Copy !req
94. "Is it still in print?"
my staff wants to know.Copy !req
95. - I'm here to see Sam.
- Go ahead.Copy !req
96. It's not a big deal.Copy !req
97. - What do I care?
- Absolutely no reason that you should.Copy !req
98. The president will veto any bill
prohibiting...Copy !req
99. sampling data as a component
of the 2000 census.Copy !req
100. Just a preview of what
you'll get with Toby.Copy !req
101. Yeah, I'll see you then.Copy !req
102. - That was great, what you said.
- What'd I say?Copy !req
103. - Well, the way you said it.
- The census must be taken seriously.Copy !req
104. - Tell me about it.
- It's not glamorous, but, you know?Copy !req
105. You need something?Copy !req
106. - Did you get a haircut?
- No.Copy !req
107. - You look good today.
- Thank you. You too.Copy !req
108. - New suit?
- No.Copy !req
109. You look good.Copy !req
110. - What you need, C.J.?
- A tutor.Copy !req
111. A tutor? What for?Copy !req
112. The commerce bill for the census.
There are parts I don't understand.Copy !req
113. - Which parts?
- All of it.Copy !req
114. - All of it?
- Yes.Copy !req
115. - You don't understand?
- Certain nuances.Copy !req
116. - Like what?
- The census.Copy !req
117. I hear you talk about the census
all the time.Copy !req
118. - Yeah.
- I don't understand, how can you...?Copy !req
119. - I fake it.
- You fake it?Copy !req
120. I've played it fast and loose,
but reading the briefing book...Copy !req
121. I have to say, the census is starting
to sound like it's important.Copy !req
122. I realize if I'm gonna talk about it
I should understand what I'm saying.Copy !req
123. - When?
- When what?Copy !req
124. - When did you realize this?
- About an hour ago.Copy !req
125. Let's forget that you're late to the
party and be glad that you did come.Copy !req
126. - That's what I say.
- We'll start at lunch.Copy !req
127. - You faked it?
- Yes.Copy !req
128. - The president...
- I shouldn't have.Copy !req
129. - You think?
- See you later.Copy !req
130. - I have a question.
- About what?Copy !req
131. - Budget surplus.
- Okay.Copy !req
132. It's a $30 billion surplus.Copy !req
133. - 32 billion.
- Whatever.Copy !req
134. - You know what they say.
- What?Copy !req
135. A billion here, billion there,
it adds up.Copy !req
136. - Nifty saying, Josh.
- I didn't coin it.Copy !req
137. This is the first time
in three decades.Copy !req
138. Republicans want to use it
for tax relief.Copy !req
139. They want to give back the money.
Why don't we?Copy !req
140. - We're Democrats.
- It's not the government's money.Copy !req
141. - It's in our account.
- We took more than we needed.Copy !req
142. - I want mine.
- Sorry.Copy !req
143. - We're not done with this.
- I know.Copy !req
144. $12 million for an Appalachian
Transportation Institute.Copy !req
145. $1.5 million to study parking
facilities at commercial truck stops.Copy !req
146. $3 million to produce a documentary
on highway infrastructure.Copy !req
147. These are just some of today's
additions to the appropriations bill.Copy !req
148. $2 million for a volcano monitor
in Alaska to warn airplanes about ash.Copy !req
149. The FAA doesn't know what that is.Copy !req
150. $550,000 for New York to restore
the home of Susan B. Anthony.Copy !req
151. The tile in my shower
could use re-grouting.Copy !req
152. Remind me what's in this for us.Copy !req
153. Federal funding for 100,000
new public school teachers.Copy !req
154. - Thank you.
- How's this working?Copy !req
155. We meet Gladman and Skinner,
two of the three swing votes.Copy !req
156. In terms of the census?Copy !req
157. Yes. They drop the sampling
prohibition, appropriations passes.Copy !req
158. - Who's the third?
- The third?Copy !req
159. You said 3 swing votes.
Gladman, Skinner...Copy !req
160. - Janice Willis' husband.
- Right.Copy !req
161. - He'll do what we say.
- We're fine.Copy !req
162. You sure?Copy !req
163. It's a 3-day weekend,
congressmen want to go home.Copy !req
164. - That will do it?
- I know it will.Copy !req
165. - What time is the meeting?
00.Copy !req
166. Just don't do anything to screw up
or in any way embarrass me.Copy !req
167. - Leo, Knute Rockne. I get 'em mixed up.
- Go.Copy !req
168. If they hop the fence they go to jail.Copy !req
169. What they do once we get to them
determines for how long.Copy !req
170. - What tripped the alarm?
- The alarms are in the ground.Copy !req
171. Here, here and here.
She tripped it here.Copy !req
172. - She?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
173. It wasn't a fraternity?Copy !req
174. It was a mentally unbalanced
woman in her 40s.Copy !req
175. Trying to kill me isn't evidence
of being mentally unbalanced.Copy !req
176. She stated that you weren't the target.Copy !req
177. - I wasn't?
- No, sir.Copy !req
178. - Who was?
- Your daughter.Copy !req
179. - Zoey?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
180. Leo.Copy !req
181. - Good morning.
- You know Ron.Copy !req
182. - It was a woman.
- Yes.Copy !req
183. - We're still in review.
- I'll get a report.Copy !req
184. If I may be excused,
I could make a call...Copy !req
185. - Of course, help yourself.
- Thank you.Copy !req
186. - She was after Zoey?
- There were 8 security checks...Copy !req
187. between the woman
and Zoey's room.Copy !req
188. There's no need for Zoey
to know, right?Copy !req
189. - What do you need?
- This may be the wrong time...Copy !req
190. but I wanted to talk...Copy !req
191. Last night you mentioned
I should say hello to Jenny...Copy !req
192. - Hang on. Ron?
- Our security worked...Copy !req
193. exactly the way it's supposed to.Copy !req
194. - I guess that's something.
- You'll send a report?Copy !req
195. In two hours.Copy !req
196. - You were saying?
- It can wait.Copy !req
197. - You sure?
- Yeah. Goodbye, Ron.Copy !req
198. - See you in an hour.
- All right.Copy !req
199. I guess we're done too.Copy !req
200. - I wouldn't lose sleep over it, sir.
- No, no.Copy !req
201. - Good seeing you, Mr. President.
- You too.Copy !req
202. - Ron.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
203. - Did she have a gun?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
204. Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
205. - Josh, good to see you.
- Congressman.Copy !req
206. Mandy, I should have brought
my sword and shield.Copy !req
207. Champagne and flowers would do.Copy !req
208. - Have you met Joe Willis?
- No.Copy !req
209. - My wife was Janice Willis.
- I know.Copy !req
210. She passed away.
I've taken her seat in Congress.Copy !req
211. We're sorry for your loss.Copy !req
212. The White House sent flowers.
The president wrote a note.Copy !req
213. Could you give him my thanks?Copy !req
214. - Sure, congressman.
- I'm not a congressman.Copy !req
215. I teach eighth-grade social studies.
This is only temporary...Copy !req
216. Good morning. Everyone got food?
Got bagels? Good.Copy !req
217. Christopher, Anthony, would you
mind putting my copy...Copy !req
218. of the appropriations bill on the
table, please?Copy !req
219. Thank you, Christopher.
Thank you, Anthony.Copy !req
220. And thank you, Cathy.Copy !req
221. Congressman Skinner, welcome.
Congressman Gladman, good to see you.Copy !req
222. Congressman Willis,
I was a fan of your wife.Copy !req
223. Thank you.Copy !req
224. This represents the latest draft
of the House Appropriations Bill.Copy !req
225. It is 7000 pages long
and weighs over 55 pounds.Copy !req
226. It includes $1.2 million for
a lettuce geneticist in California...Copy !req
227. and $1.7 million for manure handling
in Mississippi.Copy !req
228. That's what happens.Copy !req
229. Eight states will divide $5 million
to research the uses of wood.Copy !req
230. - We saw that one.
- I'm thinking of uses for it now.Copy !req
231. Let's talk about the census.Copy !req
232. The White House just wanted to
say that you're criminals and despots.Copy !req
233. - Thank you.
- No problem.Copy !req
234. That won't stop the president
from signing.Copy !req
235. No, it won't. What will
stop him from signing...Copy !req
236. is the amendment you
offer on the census.Copy !req
237. You three represent the swing vote.Copy !req
238. Drop the amendment,
the appropriations bill passes.Copy !req
239. Insist on prohibiting sampling,
and count on a long fight...Copy !req
240. followed by a veto.Copy !req
241. I have no conscience when it comes to
exploiting the fact that you have...Copy !req
242. nonrefundable airline tickets
for the weekend.Copy !req
243. - With that in mind...
- Excuse me.Copy !req
244. - Yes, sir.
- I'm not leaving town.Copy !req
245. - I'm sorry?
- I'm not leaving this weekend.Copy !req
246. I'm staying to see
some of Janice's friends.Copy !req
247. There's no need to rush on my account.
Take as much time as you like.Copy !req
248. Good. Then, let's talk.Copy !req
249. - You'll go slowly?
- Yes.Copy !req
250. - Pretend that I'm dumb.
- Let me conjure that image...Copy !req
251. - I'm coming to you exposed.
- I'm coming to your office.Copy !req
252. I meant symbolically. I'm saying,
"I don't know this, will you teach me?"Copy !req
253. - It's hard to admit that.
- What exactly do you want me to do?Copy !req
254. I'm admitting to you that
there are things I do not know.Copy !req
255. I don't think anybody would have
any trouble imagining that.Copy !req
256. Explain it to me.Copy !req
257. - Every 10 years we count everybody.
- Why?Copy !req
258. Representation at the various levels
of government is based on population.Copy !req
259. To find out how many congressmen
a state gets, we count the people.Copy !req
260. If the book had been
that clear I would've understood.Copy !req
261. - We're not done yet.
- Okay.Copy !req
262. The decennial census is done
by a door-to-door head count.Copy !req
263. Some 950,000 professionals are hired.Copy !req
264. The process costs
approximately $6.9 billion.Copy !req
265. It's also very inaccurate.Copy !req
266. It tends to be disadvantageous
to inner-city...Copy !req
267. and recent immigrant populations
and to the homeless.Copy !req
268. I want you to know that in this...Copy !req
269. - Your time of vulnerability?
- Yes.Copy !req
270. - I appreciate it.
- We're not done yet.Copy !req
271. - Hey, baby.
- Hi, Daddy.Copy !req
272. - Can you stay long?
- No, I brought you stuff from home.Copy !req
273. - You didn't have to.
- I wanted you to have stuff you like.Copy !req
274. - I'm fine.
- You're okay at the hotel?Copy !req
275. I wanted Mom to have the house.Copy !req
276. But you're gonna look
for a place, right?Copy !req
277. Mallory, this thing with
your mother and me will blow over.Copy !req
278. No, it won't, Dad.
You understand that, right?Copy !req
279. This is not amortized,
it's a one-time experiment.Copy !req
280. This is a partisan issue.
The Democrats want the House.Copy !req
281. - I'm not going to deny that.
- It's like you lost the battle...Copy !req
282. - Did he say what it was about?
- Why shouldn't I get my money back?Copy !req
283. - You won't spend it right.
- What?Copy !req
284. I wanna combine your money
with everybody else's...Copy !req
285. and pay down the debt
and further endow social security.Copy !req
286. - What will you do with it?
- Buy a DVD player.Copy !req
287. But my $700 helps employ people who
produce and sell DVDs and DVD players.Copy !req
288. - Natural evolution of a market economy.
- But the DVD player is made in Japan.Copy !req
289. - I'll buy American.
- We don't trust you.Copy !req
290. - I want my money.
- Shouldn't have voted for us.Copy !req
291. - Charlie.
- Hey.Copy !req
292. - I got a message he needed to see me.
- Yeah, go on in.Copy !req
293. Yes.Copy !req
294. Yes.Copy !req
295. Yes, of course.Copy !req
296. I'm on with the postmaster general.Copy !req
297. - What's it about?
- I don't know.Copy !req
298. - Do me a favor.
- Of course.Copy !req
299. Take Charlie out for a beer.Copy !req
300. - Take him out for a beer?
- He has no life.Copy !req
301. Take him out, come back, then
we'll watch the vote in Leo's office.Copy !req
302. - Sure.
- I'll give you some cash.Copy !req
303. - No, sir...
- Don't be silly.Copy !req
304. - I have money.
- Sure?Copy !req
305. I don't have any cash on me.Copy !req
306. - It's fine.
- I don't carry cash.Copy !req
307. - I don't carry keys either.
- You don't need to.Copy !req
308. - How's it going in there?
- We'll see.Copy !req
309. - I appreciate it.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
310. - Charlie. You got plans tonight?
- No.Copy !req
311. - What about your sister?
- She's at a friend's. Why?Copy !req
312. Let's get a beer. We'll go to a bar,
speak as men do.Copy !req
313. - We will?
- Yeah.Copy !req
314. - What kind of bar is this, Josh?
- No, no, it's fine.Copy !req
315. - Okay.
- Great.Copy !req
316. Aren't you too old
to be leering at coeds?Copy !req
317. I'm a Fulbright scholar, I don't leer.Copy !req
318. - There will be grad students.
- Well, good.Copy !req
319. - So I'll come get you.
- Okay.Copy !req
320. Josh.Copy !req
321. - Hey.
- Take us with you.Copy !req
322. - Where?
- Out tonight, with Charlie.Copy !req
323. - How do you know about it?
- My Dad.Copy !req
324. - He said to take us.
- He's like a camp counselor.Copy !req
325. - Take us with you.
- No.Copy !req
326. - Why?
- This is among men.Copy !req
327. You can flirt with coeds.Copy !req
328. - There's gonna be grad students there.
- It sounded like an order, Josh.Copy !req
329. - Fine.
- Bring Sam Seaborn.Copy !req
330. Sam's got enough going on
without you making a booty call.Copy !req
331. We had a conversation that got
interrupted, I'd like to finish it.Copy !req
332. - Whatever.
- This is gonna be fun.Copy !req
333. President's daughter, chief of staff's
daughter, Georgetown bar and Sam.Copy !req
334. What could possibly go wrong?Copy !req
335. - What's wrong with a head count?
- They're inaccurate.Copy !req
336. - Why?
- How do you count the homeless?Copy !req
337. A lot of people don't speak English.Copy !req
338. Lots of people don't wanna answer
questions when you knock on their door.Copy !req
339. Sampling is a more effective way
to get a good census.Copy !req
340. What's the legal argument?Copy !req
341. The argument is, it's unconstitutional,
against the law.Copy !req
342. If it's really against the law,
why pass legislation saying so?Copy !req
343. - Isn't it good to understand?
- And I don't have to be patronizing.Copy !req
344. - What about, "You look good"?
- Over it.Copy !req
345. Sam. Taking Charlie for a beer.
Zoey and Mallory too.Copy !req
346. - Sounds good.
- I like beer.Copy !req
347. If you wanna come,
I guess it's okay.Copy !req
348. - Josh, you've swept me off my feet.
- Whatever. I'll see you later.Copy !req
349. In the last census, 8 million people,
mostly black, weren't counted.Copy !req
350. Four million, mostly white,
were counted twice.Copy !req
351. Sampling will give
a more realistic count...Copy !req
352. for 4 billion dollars less
than a door-to-door head count.Copy !req
353. Sampling costs 2.7 billion.
An inaccurate head count, 6.9.Copy !req
354. Even the Census Bureau,
a bipartisan commission, says:Copy !req
355. "Sampling is better. "Copy !req
356. We've heard these arguments,
but we have a constitution.Copy !req
357. We know.Copy !req
358. - The Constitution's clear on this.
- No.Copy !req
359. Until the court rules that sampling...Copy !req
360. - The article is arcane.
- Toby, the article is not arcane.Copy !req
361. Let's look at it.Copy !req
362. - No, we don't have time...
- Let's take a look at it!Copy !req
363. - No one's a constitutional scholar...
- It won't take long.Copy !req
364. - We've unearthed a copy.
- Come on...Copy !req
365. - Would you read Article 1, Section 2?
- This is silly.Copy !req
366. It is the owner's manual,
we should read it.Copy !req
367. "Representatives and direct taxes shall
be apportioned among...Copy !req
368. the states of this union,
according to their numbers...Copy !req
369. which is determined by adding
the whole number of persons. "Copy !req
370. It says, "which shall be determined
by the whole number of persons. "Copy !req
371. "The whole number of persons. "Copy !req
372. Not what some statistician got off
of a computer. It says so right there.Copy !req
373. - Actually, that's not what it says.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
374. Mandy left out a few words,
didn't she, Mr. Willis?Copy !req
375. Yes.Copy !req
376. Mr. Willis teaches eighth-grade social
studies. He knows the article.Copy !req
377. It says, "determined by adding
the whole number of free persons...Copy !req
378. and three-fifths of all other persons. "Copy !req
379. - They meant you, Mr. Willis, right?
- Yes.Copy !req
380. You want to enact a law
limiting the ability...Copy !req
381. of those people who need to be
counted most, to be counted at all.Copy !req
382. Their only refuge is the argument that
Article 1, Section 2 is not arcane.Copy !req
383. I can report to the chairman
of my committee, but I don't think he...Copy !req
384. nor the leadership, is going
to allow us to change our vote.Copy !req
385. You are talking about tying up
an appropriations...Copy !req
386. We don't need you to tell us.
And waiting till the final hour...Copy !req
387. This is the fourth time
we've arranged this...Copy !req
388. I will.Copy !req
389. - What, sir?
- I think we should drop it.Copy !req
390. - Joe...
- That's my choice, right?Copy !req
391. The chairman recommends...Copy !req
392. I saw what he recommended,
but it's still my choice, right?Copy !req
393. - Absolutely, sir, it is your choice.
- Well, then I change my mind.Copy !req
394. We should drop the census amendment.
Let the appropriation bill pass, as is.Copy !req
395. Until the court rules on
whether sampling is constitutional.Copy !req
396. Well, then...Copy !req
397. Excellent.Copy !req
398. - You snuck one in the back door, Toby.
- I go through whatever door is open.Copy !req
399. - We're going to have to revisit this.
- Yes.Copy !req
400. - Do you need help finding the way out?
- No, thank you. I think I can manage.Copy !req
401. Thank you, gentlemen.Copy !req
402. Thank you.Copy !req
403. Go tell Leo.Copy !req
404. - Mr. Willis.
- You can call me Joe.Copy !req
405. If you don't mind,
what changed your mind?Copy !req
406. - What do you mean?
- Well, I know it wasn't expediency.Copy !req
407. - I wonder what changed your mind.
- You did.Copy !req
408. - I thought you made a strong argument.
- Thank you.Copy !req
409. I smile because here,
the merits of an argument...Copy !req
410. generally take a back seat
to political tactics.Copy !req
411. I would imagine.Copy !req
412. - It worked on me.
- I was taking advantage of you.Copy !req
413. - I know.
- I didn't mention some things.Copy !req
414. First, it is partisan.Copy !req
415. Second, I'm not wild
about the precedent.Copy !req
416. You mean...Copy !req
417. What's to stop us from saying:Copy !req
418. "We don't need elections,
we'll just use polling data.Copy !req
419. A sampling of people will decide
who runs the country"?Copy !req
420. - I thought about that.
- And?Copy !req
421. It's okay by me...Copy !req
422. as long as it's not the same people
who decide what's on television.Copy !req
423. Toby, I'm not nearly
as smart as my wife was.Copy !req
424. I went to night school
because I went to work pretty young.Copy !req
425. I tried to understand the things
Janice brought home from the office...Copy !req
426. but I wasn't in her league.Copy !req
427. I never understood what she wanted
with a dummy like me.Copy !req
428. I think the problems we're going
to face in the new century...Copy !req
429. are far beyond the wisdom
of Solomon, let alone me.Copy !req
430. But I think the right place to start
is to say:Copy !req
431. "Fair is fair. This is who we are.Copy !req
432. These are our numbers. "Copy !req
433. I'm sorry I never got
to know your wife.Copy !req
434. - She would have liked you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
435. I've got a roll call.Copy !req
436. Nothing to it. They call your name,
you vote yea.Copy !req
437. Well, this is my first,
and likely my only, vote...Copy !req
438. in the House of Representatives.Copy !req
439. - Good luck, congressman.
- Thank you.Copy !req
440. - You wanted to read these with dinner.
- Thanks.Copy !req
441. - And the Tokyo Exchange?
- Sure.Copy !req
442. - The call from the secretary?
- Yes.Copy !req
443. - You'll take it in the dining room?
- Wherever I am.Copy !req
444. - No need to adopt a tone.
- I'm not.Copy !req
445. - Anything else, sir?
- I want to go home.Copy !req
446. - There's that tone again.
- Sir?Copy !req
447. - Good night, sir.
- Good night.Copy !req
448. I heard it's done.Copy !req
449. The amendment stays in committee.
Appropriations will pass.Copy !req
450. - Good. I'm headed to the residence.
- I needed to speak to you.Copy !req
451. I should've told you earlier, but...Copy !req
452. I moved out of the house.Copy !req
453. - Jenny's asking me for a divorce.
- You're kidding me.Copy !req
454. - Leo, you're kidding.
- No.Copy !req
455. What happened?Copy !req
456. Nothing happened, Mr. President...Copy !req
457. Don't tell me nothing happened.
I know you, I know Jenny.Copy !req
458. - Married couples like you don't...
- It's not like that.Copy !req
459. - I want to talk to Jenny.
- Feel free.Copy !req
460. - I don't understand. You were happy.
- Jenny wasn't happy.Copy !req
461. Because you weren't spending
enough time with her?Copy !req
462. - Yes, but that's not...
- Marriage needs attention.Copy !req
463. It can't run on autopilot.Copy !req
464. It's not your prom date we're
talking about, it's your family!Copy !req
465. I tried to squeeze in as much time
as I could...Copy !req
466. between my wine-tasting club
and running your White House.Copy !req
467. You can't blame this on me.Copy !req
468. I'm not blaming you, sir.
I'm not blaming anyone for it.Copy !req
469. - It just happened. Things happen.
- When did it happen?Copy !req
470. - Two weeks ago.
- You're just now telling me?Copy !req
471. I know how you feel about Jenny.
I thought you might feel responsible...Copy !req
472. and you'd turn that guilt into
an inappropriate anger toward me.Copy !req
473. I can't imagine
what made me think all that.Copy !req
474. - Fix this.
- It's not that simple.Copy !req
475. It is that simple.
You're the man, fix it.Copy !req
476. - Mr. President...
- Fix it.Copy !req
477. - Good night, sir.
- Good night, Leo.Copy !req
478. So, your friend couldn't come?Copy !req
479. By friend, of course, you mean...Copy !req
480. - Your special friend.
- Does she...?Copy !req
481. - My special friend.
- What friend?Copy !req
482. - His friend that Zoey can't know about.
- The hooker.Copy !req
483. Not a hooker, she's a call girl.
How do you know about it?Copy !req
484. - Mallory told me.
- How does Mallory know about that?Copy !req
485. - I told her.
- You told our boss's daughter that?Copy !req
486. At the time, I thought
she was a schoolteacher.Copy !req
487. - So you were telling a stranger you...
- Accidentally slept with a call girl.Copy !req
488. - Mallory, does your father know?
- No.Copy !req
489. Zoey, does your father know?Copy !req
490. - Not yet.
- So this is gonna be a thing.Copy !req
491. Zoey and I have decided that it's time
we start collecting IOUs.Copy !req
492. - She didn't bring my grasshopper.
- No?Copy !req
493. - Maybe she felt stupid ordering it.
- It's a perfectly...Copy !req
494. - I'll get it.
- I will.Copy !req
495. I wanna see them make it.Copy !req
496. - Could you hold these?
- What?Copy !req
497. Just stuff. My panic button.Copy !req
498. - Ruins the line of my outfit.
- Got it.Copy !req
499. - A grasshopper?
- Straight up.Copy !req
500. Make sure it's thick and green.Copy !req
501. - What's a panic button?
- You don't wanna know.Copy !req
502. The president is very protective.Copy !req
503. - Having a good time?
- Yeah, I appreciate it.Copy !req
504. - Seems like you're not.
- He's having a good time.Copy !req
505. Think they know I'm not in college?Copy !req
506. - Who?
- These people.Copy !req
507. - You're twice as smart.
- But I'm not in college.Copy !req
508. Relax.Copy !req
509. - You say that with a sense of urgency.
- I just want...Copy !req
510. - You relax.
- I'm not being urgent.Copy !req
511. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
512. - What's your name?
- What?Copy !req
513. I said, what's your name?Copy !req
514. - You're kidding, right?
- He's just asking for your name.Copy !req
515. Wait. Why don't we guess your name?Copy !req
516. - All right?
- Sure.Copy !req
517. I bet we can guess it.Copy !req
518. There wasn't urgency in my voice.
I asked if he was having a good time.Copy !req
519. Maybe if you'd stop pestering him...Copy !req
520. Excuse me a second.Copy !req
521. - It's Cassandra.
- Cassandra?Copy !req
522. We were gonna guess!Copy !req
523. - You okay, Zoey?
- You called her Zoey.Copy !req
524. Let's go.Copy !req
525. What's up, Sammy?Copy !req
526. Excuse me. We're trying
to buy a girl a drink, man.Copy !req
527. She's 19 years old, man.Copy !req
528. - Check out Superfly.
- Hey.Copy !req
529. - Let's go.
- Why don't you go, all right?Copy !req
530. You don't know who this is. Be cool.Copy !req
531. - Be cool?
- I'm just saying...Copy !req
532. - I know, you want me to be cool.
- Can I buy you a round?Copy !req
533. Like LL Cool J. Like Ice T.Copy !req
534. Ice Cube. Ice Tray, man.Copy !req
535. Why must you mock a natural...?Copy !req
536. I'm not mocking it, Josh. I'm saying
maybe if you left him alone...Copy !req
537. - Josh?
- I don't know.Copy !req
538. Why don't you do some hip-hop?Copy !req
539. Dr. Huffy Puffy Dred, man...Copy !req
540. - Let us by, please?
- What are you doing with this girl?Copy !req
541. - You look to be Dr. Faggot.
- What the hell's going on?Copy !req
542. - Who are you?
- Kiss my ass. Zoey?Copy !req
543. - I'm fine.
- Kiss your what?Copy !req
544. - Charlie?
- It's fine.Copy !req
545. You wanna go?Copy !req
546. - Right now.
- How's everybody doing?Copy !req
547. Oh, good, more fairy boys.Copy !req
548. - Excuse me?
- I said more fairy boys!Copy !req
549. This is too good to be true.Copy !req
550. I recognize him.
She looks familiar too.Copy !req
551. You don't realize
you're having a bad night.Copy !req
552. Really? Who's giving it to us?Copy !req
553. Federal agents!Copy !req
554. Right here.Copy !req
555. Shut up.Copy !req
556. I'll blow your head off.Copy !req
557. Everybody stand back.Copy !req
558. - I ain't done with you, Sammy.
- My name is Charlie Young, jackass.Copy !req
559. If that's blow in your pocket,
you're spending spring break in prison.Copy !req
560. Now I'm having a good time.Copy !req
561. Well, my work here is done.Copy !req
562. - What happened?
- They told you what happened.Copy !req
563. - Did you do anything to provoke them?
- Like what?Copy !req
564. - Were you flirting?
- Dad.Copy !req
565. - You flirt with guys.
- Yes, Dad, I am 19 years old.Copy !req
566. I was not flirting.Copy !req
567. Even if I was, it wasn't
justification for their behavior.Copy !req
568. - What then?
- I went to get a drink.Copy !req
569. - Why were you drinking?
- It was for C.J.Copy !req
570. - I'm gonna up your protection.
- No.Copy !req
571. - Starting tomorrow.
- I start college in a month.Copy !req
572. - Some friends will walk you to class.
- I don't want this.Copy !req
573. - I am entitled to this part of my life.
- You're getting it.Copy !req
574. - I'm entitled to a...
- Oh, please.Copy !req
575. - Don't "Oh, please" me.
- The Secret Service...Copy !req
576. - They should worry about you getting shot.
- They are worried.Copy !req
577. But not compared
to how terrified we are of you.Copy !req
578. You scare the Secret Service,
and you scare me.Copy !req
579. My getting killed
is not the nightmare scenario.Copy !req
580. The nightmare is you getting kidnapped.Copy !req
581. You go to a bar
and you go to the restroom...Copy !req
582. somebody comes up from behind,
and whisks you out the door.Copy !req
583. You're so scared, you don't notice...Copy !req
584. the two dead agents on the ground.
You're whisked away in a car.Copy !req
585. It's a big party with lots of noise.Copy !req
586. It's a half-hour before
someone says, "Where's Zoey?"Copy !req
587. 15 minutes later they call.Copy !req
588. It's another hour before
they shut down the airports.Copy !req
589. And now we're off!Copy !req
590. You're tied to a chair in a shack
in Uganda.Copy !req
591. I'm told I have 72 hours to get Israel
to free 460 terrorist prisoners.Copy !req
592. So, I'm pleading with Ben Yahbin,
who says, "Sorry, Mr. President...Copy !req
593. Israel simply does not
negotiate with terrorists. "Copy !req
594. Now we've got a new problem.Copy !req
595. This country no longer has a president.Copy !req
596. It has a scared father
whose little girl...Copy !req
597. is in a shack in Uganda
with a gun to her head!Copy !req
598. Do you get it?Copy !req
599. Yes.Copy !req
600. I'm sorry I yelled. Forgive me.Copy !req
601. I want you to have freedom,
your youth...Copy !req
602. and have everyday experiences
with girls your own age.Copy !req
603. But don't forget,
this is a privilege...Copy !req
604. and an experience
to be cherished beyond measure.Copy !req
605. And proper protection and security,
though at times, it's a drag...Copy !req
606. is never too high a price to pay.Copy !req
607. You're right. I'm sorry.Copy !req
608. It's all right, sweetheart.
It's all right.Copy !req
609. Good night.Copy !req
610. Good night, sweetheart.Copy !req
611. - I love you.
- I love you too.Copy !req
612. Don't get up.Copy !req
613. Good evening, Mr. President.Copy !req
614. Hi.Copy !req
615. Before, when I was being an idiot,
there was something I forgot to say.Copy !req
616. What?Copy !req
617. I'm sorry.Copy !req
618. Thank you.Copy !req
619. I'd like unanimous consent
to revise and extend my remarks.Copy !req
620. Without objection.Copy !req
621. I don't know what the hell
was wrong with me.Copy !req
622. Anything I can do to help...Copy !req
623. Anything.Copy !req
624. Thanks.Copy !req
625. I could have taken
the two on the left.Copy !req
626. - They were mine.
- Which?Copy !req
627. - The guys on the left.
- As you face the bar?Copy !req
628. Yeah. No, no.Copy !req
629. Say you're me,
facing the bar...Copy !req
630. Sandwiches.Copy !req
631. Thanks. Defending virtue
is hungry work.Copy !req
632. I'll be at my desk.Copy !req
633. - Donna.
- Yes?Copy !req
634. How much was lunch?Copy !req
635. - $12.95.
- I gave you $20.Copy !req
636. Yes, as it turned out,
you gave me more money...Copy !req
637. than I needed to buy what
you asked for.Copy !req
638. However, I can't trust you
to spend the change wisely.Copy !req
639. I've invested it for you.Copy !req
640. - Nice. A little parable.
- I want my money back.Copy !req
641. - So those are my guys.
- There's the one guy...Copy !req
642. Facing the other way.Copy !req
643. Neither one of you could have
taken two guys.Copy !req
644. - Josh.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
645. What were you doing taking
my daughter out to a bar?Copy !req
646. - You told me to.
- I told you to take Charlie.Copy !req
647. When Zoey said she was going,
I assumed you'd go have malteds.Copy !req
648. - Malteds, sir?
- Yes.Copy !req
649. What is this, Our Town?Copy !req
650. Anyway, thank you for doing
whatever it was you did.Copy !req
651. I didn't do anything.Copy !req
652. For what it's worth,
Charlie didn't blink...Copy !req
653. before he put his body
between danger and Zoey.Copy !req
654. Charlie.Copy !req
655. Sam, you come too, please.Copy !req
656. I once played the stage manager
in a production of Our Town.Copy !req
657. - Charlie, you a good poker player?
- No, sir.Copy !req
658. Excellent. Take a seat.Copy !req
659. - Is Josh being punished?
- No.Copy !req
660. - May I ask why not?
- Because I said so.Copy !req
661. - Good evening.
- Good evening.Copy !req
662. Good work, you two.
You bought us some time.Copy !req
663. I understand you all had
an interesting evening.Copy !req
664. - So did I.
- What happened?Copy !req
665. - I met an unusual man.
- C.J., deal.Copy !req
666. He didn't come with a political agenda,
with his mind made up.Copy !req
667. He wanted to do what he thought
was best.Copy !req
668. Didn't mind saying, "I don't know. "Copy !req
669. I said "I don't know" to Sam.
I'm a better person for it.Copy !req
670. I know everything about the census.Copy !req
671. - You can ask me anything.
- How many people live in the U.S.?Copy !req
672. There is some material
we haven't covered yet.Copy !req
673. - Come on, Toby.
- I wanna watch this.Copy !req
674. - We won it 40 votes ago.
- I just wanna hear this one.Copy !req
675. Mr. Widen.
Mr. Widen of Pennsylvania votes yea.Copy !req
676. Mr. Wilder.
Mr. Wilder of South Carolina votes yea.Copy !req
677. Mr. Willis.
Mr. Willis of Ohio votes yea.Copy !req
678. Mr. Zantowski...Copy !req