The Weird Al Show 1x8

1. Oh, this is a story about a guy named Al.

2. And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal.

3. But the sanitation workers really didn't approve.

4. So he packed up his accordion and had

5. to move to a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree

6. and he worked in a nasal decongestant factory,

7. and he played on the company bowling team,

8. and every single night he had a strange recurring dream where

9. he was wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream.

10. But that's really not important to the story.

11. Well the very next year he met a dental hygienist

12. with a spatula tattoo on her arm.

13. On her arm.

14. But but he didn't keep in touch and he lost her number.

15. Then he got himself a job on a tater-tot farm.

16. And he spent his life savings on a split level cave

17. 20 miles below the surface of the earth.

18. Of the earth.

19. And he really makes a mighty fine jellybean and pickle

20. sandwich, for what it's worth.

21. Then one day Al was in the forest trying

22. to get a tan, when he heard the tortured

23. screaming of a funny little man.

24. He was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free,

25. and the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be,

26. and it turns out he's a big-shot producer on TV.

27. So he gives Al a contract and what

28. do you know, Now he's got his very own Weird Al show.

29. - Oh hey everybody.

30. I guess the sign already gave it away,

31. but today is the day of the annual Weird Al talent show.

32. Isn't that exciting?

33. Well, it's really great.

34. All my friends are going to come over

35. to show off their unique talents.

36. I'm especially excited because a few special guests are dropping

37. by, such as, are you ready, my mom.

38. Wow Harvey.

39. Can't you just smell the excitement?

40. The great thing is everybody's got some kind of talent,

41. some artistic, or creative, or unusual thing

42. they can do that makes them special.

43. And even though I run my challenge

44. in the spirit of noncompetitive fun,

45. I do award a special grand prize to one performer.

46. Come here. Check this out.

47. My friends are so excited about this.

48. Today, some lucky person is going

49. to walk away with this unique, specially hand crafted ice

50. sculpture of Marvin the sea bass.

51. Isn't this the most beautiful— Ah.

52. OK.

53. If we went back in time to before this freezer stopped

54. working, you would have seen a beautiful and ornate ice

55. sculpture of Marvin the sea bass.

56. But now it's melted.

57. Well, I guess I better see if I can come

58. up with some kind of replacement.

59. - Al.

60. Need some help with that?

61. - Oh hi Corky.

62. Nah. I got it.

63. Oh.

64. That's good.

65. That corner's fine. - Wait a second.

66. Today's not talent show day, is it?

67. Well, gotta be going.

68. - Oh no. Corky.

69. You're not getting out of it this year.

70. Today you're finally going to be in my talent show.

71. - Thanks, but I don't think so. - But you have to.

72. I already told my mom you're going to do something.

73. Come on. - All right.

74. Let me think about it.

75. No.

76. - Corky, just try really hard and focus

77. on doing whatever you do best.

78. It'll be fun.

79. You know, fun?

80. Yahoo.

81. - Hey.

82. It's the doorbell.

83. Hey.

84. Hi everybody.

85. - Hi Al.

86. - Oh great, everyone's here, except for my mom.

87. She's late again.

88. - Boy Al, I am really pumped about this talent show.

89. I don't know, but I think this might

90. be the year I win that ice sculpture.

91. - That's nice.

92. I hope you brought a thermos.

93. - What? - Nothing.

94. Good luck.

95. OK, cuz, well, I got your name down on the list

96. and, uh, you'll be up in a few, so don't worry.

97. You're going to rock the house. - No, but I— I can't—

98. - No, but I— I can't— - Hey.

99. That must be my mom. Mom.

100. How you doing. Oh.

101. I was starting to worry about you.

102. You're late.

103. - Oh, I'm sorry, Alfie.

104. I try to get here on time, but I was practicing, and getting

105. ready, and t the next thing I knew I was late.

106. - Oh, well don't worry about it.

107. Come on in. Have a seat.

108. And where are you going? - Corky.

109. Alfie tells me you are performing in the show today.

110. I can't wait to see your act. - Yeah.

111. Me either.

112. - OK.

113. Well, better get this show on the road.

114. When we come back, you'll be seeing spectacular performances

115. from all my talented friends.

116. Don't be frightened Corky.

117. Remember, when faced with a challenge, just try your best.

118. WEIRD AL YANKOVIC (VOICEOVER): The Weird

119. Al Show will be right back.

120. I promise.

121. All right.

122. The Weird Al Show is back.

123. - Hey everybody, welcome to the annual Weir Al talent show.

124. - Remember, It's not whether you win or lose,

125. as long as you give it a try.

126. And of course, judging the show this year

127. will be the winner of last year's talent show, the one,

128. the only, Harvey the wonder hamster.

129. Hey pal.

130. Let me just move the judge's stand a little closer.

131. Seems to be stuck.

132. Can I get four or five strong men to hemp me out here?

133. Uh, thanks Corky.

134. OK.

135. Let's get started.

136. First up, the lovely and talented Hooded Avenger.

137. - Yay.

138. - Yay.

139. - Thanks Al.

140. Today I'm going to demonstrate one

141. of my lesser seen superpowers.

142. I'm going to mold this cube of ice

143. into the shape of a horse with my tongue.

144. An Arabian gelding. - Yay.

145. - Thank you.

146. I hope to be leaving here with a much larger ice sculpture,

147. if you know what I mean.

148. - Yay.

149. - The Hooded Avenger, wasn't he great?

150. And now, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves

151. for the other-worldly talents of Madam Judy the Psychic.

152. - Yay.

153. - Hello my little tax deductions.

154. It is I, Madam Judy.

155. Only I can channel the living.

156. Yes.

157. So many celebrities want to be.

158. No, they cannot posses me.

159. Wait. I hear voices.

160. I must channel them.

161. Oh no. It's Rosanne.

162. Hi you guys.

163. You better be good or I'm going to have to sing and stuff.

164. Oh, too late.

165. - (SINGING) Oh say can you see—

166. - Oh.

167. Now I'm Barbara Streisand.

168. Oh no. Oh.

169. I'm a serious singer.

170. Oh, I'm like butter.

171. Ah.

172. Papa, can you hear me?

173. Oh no.

174. I think Elvis is coming.

175. Elvis. Oh no.

176. Oh no. Oh.

177. Oh. Oh.

178. I'm Elvis and I'm back and came to Al's show

179. to eat some doughnuts. Huh.

180. - Woah.

181. - Just fabulous.

182. Wow.

183. - Going somewhere?

184. - I changed my mind.

185. I don't want to be in the show.

186. - What's the worst thing that could happen?

187. Look, no matter what we're all going to like you.

188. - That's easy for you to say, you have talent.

189. - You're getting too worked up over this.

190. Just give it your best shot.

191. Just try for once.

192. Now, according to my list, you're

193. going to be up pretty soon.

194. Good thing I made a copy.

195. Anyway, like I was saying, you're

196. going to be up pretty soon.

197. - I don't even have any what I would do.

198. - Well, why don't you do what I do

199. when my mind is completely blank, watch TV.

200. - Come on.

201. Come on.

202. A million dollars baby!

203. - Oh.

204. How about that. Better spin again Cindy.

205. - Welcome to celebrity closeup.

206. Today we'll be talking close-up with acclaimed actor,

207. and director, Clint Eastwood.

208. Mr. Eastwood, it's a pleasure having you here.

209. - Well, thanks for having me here.

210. - Directions OK? You found parking right?

211. - Yeah. Fine.

212. No problem.

213. - Good.

214. You know, I'm a long time fan of your work, and your last film,

215. I found to be a masterpiece. - Wait a minute.

216. I didn't come here to talk about movies.

217. I came here to talk about my new line of salad dressing.

218. - I have five shiny objects in my coat pocket.

219. What are they?

220. I'll tell you tonight at 11:00.

221. - Dollars.

222. Come on.

223. - And it looks like you're going to have

224. to spin the wheel again.

225. - Oh.

226. All right.

227. - Out of the Southwest, we have a lovely low pressure system,

228. which is creating the conditions for, you guessed it, rain.

229. And over here in the east— Oh.

230. Um, I've just destroyed Cleveland.

231. Uh, well, here in Illinois where my parents— Oh my parents.

232. There's nothing there.

233. There's no weather anywhere.

234. - Clint Eastwood blue cheese.

235. Clint Eastwood ranch.

236. Clint Eastwood honey mustard.

237. Clint Eastwood fresh and zesty poppy seed.

238. - Oh.

239. And you got to spin again.

240. - No. I can't.

241. I'm so tired.

242. - Oh.

243. Spin the wheel.

244. - No.

245. No.

246. No.

247. - Oh well, that's about all the time we have.

248. Thanks for joining us and we'll see

249. you next time on spin the wheel.

250. - Well, that wasn't any help.

251. - I'm just a wittle bunny wabbit, and I

252. think I have to bweak dance.

253. - OK.

254. That's enough.

255. Madam Judy everybody.

256. - Yay.

257. - Thank you Madam Judy.

258. At least you tried.

259. - And now, the Weird Al talent show proudly

260. presents the off the wall comedy of the guy

261. boarded up in the wall.

262. - Thank you. Thank you.

263. I love it. Thank you.

264. OK. Knock knock.

265. - Who's there?

266. - Olive.

267. - Olive who?

268. - Olive behind the wall.

269. Ha.

270. I got another one here, listen to this.

271. Knock knock. - Who's there?

272. - Lemme.

273. - Lemme who?

274. - Lemme out of here, I'm boarded up in the wall.

275. Ha ha. OK.

276. OK. Wait.

277. I got another one here—

278. - So, did you think of something to do?

279. - No.

280. - You're not even trying.

281. Well, you better think of something quick

282. because you're up next.

283. - What?

284. - Thank you. Thank you.

285. You're beautiful. I'll be here all week.

286. I love you. Thank you so much.

287. I love you.

288. - The guy boarded up in the wall everybody.

289. - Yay.

290. And now ladies and gentlemen, I proudly

291. give you my cousin Corky.

292. - Go Corky.

293. All right.

294. - Moving right along.

295. Please put your hands together for Bobby the dancing boy.

296. - Go Bobby.

297. Give it up honey.

298. Yeah.

299. - Thank Al.

300. You completely humiliated me.

301. - Corky, I have faith in you.

302. I know you have talent, but you didn't even try.

303. - No.

304. I hate talent shows.

305. And now I hate me.

306. Will Corky give up?

307. Or will she try harder to find something she can do.

308. Gee, I don't know. I can't imagine.

309. What will she do. I'm completely stumped.

310. Beats the heck out of me.

311. WEIRD AL YANKOVIC (VOICEOVER): Hold your horses,

312. we'll be right back.

313. Hey.

314. It's time for more of the Weird Al show.

315. - Come on Corky, you're missing the show.

316. - Everybody else has some kind of talent and I don't have any.

317. I'm just a big nothing loser.

318. - You know Corky, most people weren't

319. good at what they do the first time they tried it.

320. The thing is that you got to keep trying.

321. Well, take my acting career for instance.

322. You know, I was in the original pilot of a pretty famous show,

323. and, uh, well, things didn't quite turn out as I'd hoped.

324. Why, I remember it as if it were just yesterday.

325. - Uh, aren't you going to show me?

326. - Oh yeah, sorry.

327. OK.

328. Are we ready to shoot this?

329. - We got speed.

330. Take 37.

331. And action.

332. - Fred, you never told me you had a long lost cousin.

333. - Gee, I— I hope it's OK Wilma, I

334. said he could drop by for dinner.

335. - Fred.

336. - That must be him now.

337. Well, if it isn't Al Yankstone.

338. I haven't seen you in years.

339. - Fred old buddy.

340. You haven't changed a bit.

341. And where's you lovely wife Helga?

342. Cut. - Oh boy.

343. The name is Wilma, not Helga.

344. - Sorry.

345. All right, we'll pick it

346. up from Fred answering the door.

347. - Take 38.

348. And action.

349. - Well if it isn't Al Yankstone.

350. I haven't seen you in years.

351. - Fred old buddy, you haven't changed a bit.

352. Um, line.

353. And where's your lovely wife Wilma?

354. - You block head. Cut.

355. Cut.

356. - Take 39.

357. And action.

358. - Well if it isn't Al Yankst— He ain't there.

359. Where is he?

360. - Oh, are we going again?

361. Cut. - That's it.

362. That is it.

363. I can't work with this man.

364. I will be in my trailer.

365. Ugh.

366. OK.

367. That's lunch everybody.

368. One hour.

369. - Wow.

370. You're right.

371. You stunk.

372. But you just kept at it didn't you.

373. - That's right.

374. If at first you strike out, you just

375. got to get right back up on that horse.

376. - Well that's easy for you to say.

377. You have talent. I'm just a big, talentless blob.

378. - Doesn't that hurt?

379. - What?

380. - Crushing cans, smashing walnuts with your first.

381. I mean, anybody else would have broken

382. every bone in their hand. I mean, that's pretty amazing.

383. Well anyway, I've got to get back to the show.

384. Bobby's been on for a while now.

385. Come on Bobby.

386. You can do it. Almost there.

387. You can do it.

388. Go. - All right.

389. Give it up for Bobby the dancing boy.

390. - Yay. All right.

391. All right. - OK.

392. And now ladies and gentlemen, I'd

393. like to bring to the stage— Al.

394. Al. Al.

395. I'd like to give it a try. - Really?

396. - I want to go on.

397. - Great.

398. And now I'm very pleased to bring to the stage

399. the one, the only, Corky, woman of steel.

400. Yeah.

401. Yay.

402. Wow Corky.

403. Woah.

404. Wow.

405. Oh.

406. Holy Canoli.

407. Oh no.

408. She can't.

409. She can't.

410. Can she do it?

411. Yay.

412. Woah.

413. - A very strong performance from Corky, woman of steel.

414. Great job Corky, I'm so proud of you.

415. And now, to finish off the show, here's

416. my mom with her famous banjo solo and balancing act.

417. Go mom.

418. - Hm.

419. Who could that be. Hold on everybody.

420. Wow.

421. It's the guys from Immature.

422. - Hey Al.

423. We heard it through the grape vine

424. that you were having a talent show.

425. We was wondering if we could be in it.

426. - Oh.

427. Gee guys, that would be great, but we really only

428. have time for one more act and my mom is already—

429. - It's OK Ma, you did the best you could.

430. You know what?

431. I think a slot just opened up. - Great.

432. - All right.

433. - Hey look everybody, it's Immature.

434. - (SINGING) I'm reminiscing on all the times we shared.

435. I can't seem to forget all the times that we spent,

436. and I miss you pretty smile, just

437. seems to brighten up my day.

438. I want you here with me.

439. I'm calling out your name.

440. Hear me, mu pretty girl.

441. You're on my mind.

442. I want to hold you in my my my my arms.

443. Tonight, let's make it right.

444. Unless we're face to face you can't

445. relate to what I have to say.

446. I'm not a fool.

447. Please don't break my heart.

448. I'm daydreaming about you and I need you in my life.

449. I'm not a fool.

450. Please don't break my heart.

451. Please don't break my, please don't break my heart.

452. - Oh that's better.

453. - (SINGING) I'm sitting in my window watching cars go

454. by, and hoping that one you will be inside.

455. And I, I want you here with me, no explanation goes.

456. You moved away and said you'd be back for sure.

457. Oh no.

458. My baby girl.

459. I want to hold you in my arms, in my arms.

460. Tonight, let's make it right.

461. Unless we're face to face you can't

462. relate to what I have to say.

463. I'm not a fool.

464. Please don't break my heart.

465. I'm daydreaming about you and I need you in my life.

466. I'm not a fool.

467. Please don't break my heart.

468. Please don't break my, please don't break my heart.

469. By my side, I need you in my life.

470. I want you by my side.

471. I need you in my life.

472. - Hey, hey, hey.

473. What's going on here?

474. - So, what do you think?

475. - What do I think?

476. You just sabotaged the show.

477. - Well of course.

478. Sabotage is my talent.

479. - Oh.

480. Valarie Brentwood everybody.

481. - Well, looks like that's the end of the talent show.

482. I want to thank everybody for coming and—

483. - Woah, woah, woah. Wait a minute Al.

484. Where's our grand prize?

485. - Yeah.

486. What about the ice sculpture?

487. Ice sculpture.

488. Ice sculpture.

489. Ice sculpture.

490. Ice sculpture. Ice sculpture.

491. - Hey guys, guys, guys, what would you

492. think about having a different prize this year?

493. - Boo.

494. - Ah, ha, just kidding.

495. Don't go away, we'll award the winner when we come back.

496. Won't we.

497. It looks like Al is in a jam,

498. but at least Corky learned her lesson.

499. Always try your best, always seek good advice,

500. and always floss after eating bricks.

501. WEIRD AL YANKOVIC (VOICEOVER): The Weird

502. Al Show will be back in a flash.

503. And now back to the show.

504. - Mom, I have some bad news.

505. My beautifully ornate, specially made,

506. handcrafted ice sculpture of Marvin the sea bass melted.

507. - Oh don't worry about it, I'm sure there's

508. another one in this bag here.

509. - Oh mom, you're a life saver.

510. Have you made your final decision Harvey?

511. Oh, great.

512. And this year's winner of the annual talent

513. show is Bobby the dancing boy.

514. - Yay. Go Bobby.

515. Yay.

516. All right.

517. - Thank you. Thank you.

518. I love you all.

519. - And a very special E for effort goes to my cousin Corky.

520. - Oh.

521. - Go Corky.

522. Win the E. - Oh thanks.

523. Oh, I've always wanted one of these.

524. - I'll try even harder next year.

525. That ice sculpture shall be mine.

526. Do you hear me?

527. It shall be mine. - Yeah.

528. Good.

529. Goodbye everybody.

530. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.