1. Oh, this is a
story about a guy named Al.Copy !req
2. And he lived in a sewer
with his hamster pal.Copy !req
3. But the sanitation workers
really didn't approve.Copy !req
4. So, he packed up his
accordion and hadCopy !req
5. to move to a city in Ohio
where he lived in a treeCopy !req
6. and he worked in a nasal
decongestant factory.Copy !req
7. And he played on the
company bowling team.Copy !req
8. And every single night he
had a strange recurring dreamCopy !req
9. where he was wearing lederhosen
in a vat of sour cream,Copy !req
10. but that's really not
important to the story.Copy !req
11. Well, the very next year
he met a dental hygienistCopy !req
12. with a spatula tattooed
on her arm (on her arm).Copy !req
13. But he didn't keep in touch
and he lost her number.Copy !req
14. Then he got himself a
job on a tator tot farm.Copy !req
15. And he spent his life-savings
on a split-level caveCopy !req
16. twenty miles below the surface
of the Earth (of the Earth).Copy !req
17. And he really makes a mighty
fine jelly bean and pickleCopy !req
18. sandwich for what it's worth.Copy !req
19. Then one day Al was in the
forest trying to get a tan whenCopy !req
20. he heard the tortured screaming
of a funny little man.Copy !req
21. He was caught in a bear
trap and Al set him free.Copy !req
22. And the guy he rescued
was grateful as could be.Copy !req
23. And it turns out he's a
big-shot producer on TV.Copy !req
24. So, he gives Al a contract.Copy !req
25. And what do you know?Copy !req
26. Now, he's got his very
own Weird Al Show.Copy !req
27. Yeah-yeah!Copy !req
28. Yeah-yeah!
Yeah-yeah!Copy !req
29. Today's lesson is,
it's not so important to holdCopy !req
30. a world record, but it's always
important to do your best!Copy !req
31. - Oh, hey.Copy !req
32. How you doing?Copy !req
33. I'm just trying to
get the prize outCopy !req
34. of this box of Sugar
Coated Bits 'n Pieces.Copy !req
35. Aha!Copy !req
36. There you are.Copy !req
37. My very own
artificially preservedCopy !req
38. horseradish enchilada.Copy !req
39. It even tastes good
through the plastic!Copy !req
40. It could use a little time
in the microwave, though.Copy !req
41. I've got one of those
older microwavesCopy !req
42. and it's just got
this itty-bitty,Copy !req
43. teeny-tiny little
radiation leak.Copy !req
44. So, if you'll just bear with me.Copy !req
45. OK.Copy !req
46. All set.Copy !req
47. Here we go.Copy !req
48. OK.Copy !req
49. That should be enough time.Copy !req
50. Ah.
Mmm.Copy !req
51. Nothing like the smell of
horseradish and melted plastic.Copy !req
52. Hey, Harvey.
You want a bite of my enchilada?Copy !req
53. Harvey?Copy !req
54. Where'd that little rascal go?Copy !req
55. Harvey!
Look at you!Copy !req
56. You're huge!Copy !req
57. What happened?Copy !req
58. Were you sitting by
the microwave just now?Copy !req
59. Oh, no.Copy !req
60. What have I done?Copy !req
61. I've turned you into a
grotesque, radioactive mutant.Copy !req
62. Good enchilada though.Copy !req
63. Wow.Copy !req
64. I've never seen any
hamster this big before.Copy !req
65. This has got to be some
kind of a world record.Copy !req
66. - Presenting the President of the
Guinness Book of World Records,Copy !req
67. Sir Alec.Copy !req
68. - Oh, man.Copy !req
69. What an honor!Copy !req
70. Oh, Sir Alec, I'm
such a fan of yours.Copy !req
71. I've got all your books.Copy !req
72. Oh!Copy !req
73. - You may stand.Copy !req
74. One leg, please.Copy !req
75. - Now, this hamster.Copy !req
76. He is yours?Copy !req
77. - Yes.Copy !req
78. - A simple yes or no will do.Copy !req
79. - Well, he certainly is
a very large animal.Copy !req
80. No, no, no need for that.Copy !req
81. Let's just eyeball him.Copy !req
82. Yes.
Yes.Copy !req
83. Yes.Copy !req
84. - Harvey the Wonder
Hamster now holdsCopy !req
85. the new world record
for largest rodent.Copy !req
86. - Wow!Copy !req
87. Did you hear that Harvey?Copy !req
88. He said you're the
biggest there is!Copy !req
89. - Harvey, do you have an agent?Copy !req
90. - Do you have a book deal?Copy !req
91. - Do you hang out with
the Incredible Hulk?Copy !req
92. - Do you plan to change your name
to an unpronounceable symbol?Copy !req
93. - Do you smell something funny?Copy !req
94. - Harvey!Copy !req
95. - We love you, Harvey!Copy !req
96. - Harvey!
- Harvey!Copy !req
97. - Harvey!
- Harvey!Copy !req
98. - Harvey!
- Stop!Copy !req
99. Shows over.Copy !req
100. Harvey needs his rest.Copy !req
101. Thanks for coming!Copy !req
102. Goodbye.
Goodbye.Copy !req
103. - Treat Harvey well.Copy !req
104. He's a credit to
you and your cave.Copy !req
105. Thank you, Sir Alec.
- Yes.Copy !req
106. - What's so great about
a world record anyway?Copy !req
107. It just means you're
the best in the worldCopy !req
108. and no one can take that away
from you which must bring upCopy !req
109. a tremendous amount of personal
satisfaction and self worth.Copy !req
110. Well, as my great granddaddy
Blind Lemon Yankovic alwaysCopy !req
111. told me, Alfy, he said, if
you need to be distractedCopy !req
112. from your wretched,
meaningless existence,Copy !req
113. why not turn on the TV!Copy !req
114. - And what if
there's a big storm?Copy !req
115. - We'll repair it.Copy !req
116. That way you can keep
the roof over your head.Copy !req
117. - Pirate Roofing!Copy !req
118. We're number one!Copy !req
119. - Well, I loved this movie.Copy !req
120. This is easily one of the
best films of the year.Copy !req
121. - I agree.Copy !req
122. Nothing else even comes close.Copy !req
123. When a film is
clearly the best, itCopy !req
124. has a way of making
everything else that'sCopy !req
125. not the best seen,
well, pathetic.Copy !req
126. - I know.Copy !req
127. And you find yourself
scratching your headCopy !req
128. thinking, what were
those other movies?Copy !req
129. Who were those characters?Copy !req
130. What were the titles?Copy !req
131. Who knows?Copy !req
132. - And who cares.Copy !req
133. Throw them in the
garbage and move on.Copy !req
134. - Citizens of Earth.Copy !req
135. We are Zargonauts from
the planet Zargo 7.Copy !req
136. We want all the
humans on this planetCopy !req
137. who are the very best at
something to come help us startCopy !req
138. a new, super advanced
civilization.Copy !req
139. Everyone else, do whatever.Copy !req
140. - Oh, man.Copy !req
141. I guess if you're not the
best, you're just worthless.Copy !req
142. You know what?Copy !req
143. Harvey's not the only one
who can get a world's record.Copy !req
144. I can get one, too!Copy !req
145. In fact, I'm going
to do it right now.Copy !req
146. That's it.Copy !req
147. I'm going to set the world
record for accordion sit ups!Copy !req
148. Yeah!Copy !req
149. I'm going to be somebody!Copy !req
150. We'll be right back.Copy !req
151. Will Al set
a new world record,Copy !req
152. or will his accordion be
playing a different tune?Copy !req
153. AL (VOICEOVER):
Hey, don't go away.Copy !req
154. The Weird Al Show will
be back in a flash.Copy !req
155. Can you believe it?Copy !req
156. The Weird Al Show is back!Copy !req
157. - Six.Copy !req
158. Seven.Copy !req
159. - Say, Al.Copy !req
160. How's that world
record coming along?Copy !req
161. - 3,002.Copy !req
162. 3,003.Copy !req
163. 5,000.Copy !req
164. Oh, man.
That was hard.Copy !req
165. But it sure was worth it.Copy !req
166. That's going to be a
world record, right?Copy !req
167. - Hate to burst
your bubble, buddy.Copy !req
168. But it says here the
sit ups don't officiallyCopy !req
169. count unless the
accordion is on your back.Copy !req
170. - Well, OK.Copy !req
171. Something easier.Copy !req
172. How about most donuts
eaten in 10 seconds?Copy !req
173. Yeah, that's good.Copy !req
174. OK.Copy !req
175. You got to keep
count of the donuts.Copy !req
176. All right?Copy !req
177. - Sure.Copy !req
178. - Here I go!Copy !req
179. - OK.Copy !req
180. How many was that?Copy !req
181. - One.
- One donut.Copy !req
182. Is that a record?Copy !req
183. - I don't think so.Copy !req
184. Look, Al.Copy !req
185. Getting a world record is a
lot harder than you think.Copy !req
186. - Yeah.Copy !req
187. But look at all the attention
Harvey's been getting.Copy !req
188. - Yes, but do you think
he's happier now?Copy !req
189. He can't play on his Habitrail.Copy !req
190. He doesn't have his privacy.Copy !req
191. - Well, I didn't expect
you to understand.Copy !req
192. But thanks anyway.Copy !req
193. - Well, better get
back to my own cave.Copy !req
194. Got a souffle in the oven.
- OK.Copy !req
195. I'll see you.Copy !req
196. Well, I can tell by the
old clock on the wallCopy !req
197. that, once again,
it's time for—Copy !req
198. —Al's mail bag.Copy !req
199. That's right.Copy !req
200. Well, let's see what's in
the old mail bag this week.Copy !req
201. Reading letters always
seems to cheer me up.Copy !req
202. "Dear Al, My
eight-year-old brotherCopy !req
203. currently holds
four world records.Copy !req
204. My 10-year-old sister
already has five.Copy !req
205. I'm 12 and I'm
ashamed to admit it,Copy !req
206. but I only hold
three world records.Copy !req
207. Is there something
wrong with me?"Copy !req
208. Oh, who could that be?Copy !req
209. Oh, Mrs. Fesenmeyer.Copy !req
210. How are you today?Copy !req
211. - Oh, fine.Copy !req
212. Oh, hi, Harvey.Copy !req
213. Say, I was just in
the neighborhoodCopy !req
214. and I was wondering
if I could borrowCopy !req
215. a cottage cheese lava lamp.
- Sure.Copy !req
216. There you go.Copy !req
217. - Oh.Copy !req
218. You're so sweet.Copy !req
219. - As long as you're
here, you wantCopy !req
220. watch another one
of my home movies?Copy !req
221. - Oh.Copy !req
222. Actually, I'm in
a bit of a hurry.Copy !req
223. - Well, then we
better get started.Copy !req
224. - Oh, but I—
- Here we go.Copy !req
225. AL (VOICEOVER): This one's all
about my greatest achievementsCopy !req
226. in the world of sports.Copy !req
227. Wow!Copy !req
228. Can you believe I ever
had hair like that?Copy !req
229. Well, here I am competing in
my very first sporting event.Copy !req
230. The one-man freestyle tire roll.Copy !req
231. This should only be
attempted by freestyleCopy !req
232. tire-rolling professionals.Copy !req
233. I have to admit, it was pretty
fun once I stopped throwing up.Copy !req
234. Oh, here I am playing golf.Copy !req
235. I used to love playing golf.Copy !req
236. I was really into it.Copy !req
237. I even played in the
Masters tournament one year.Copy !req
238. There I was, one short putt
away from fame and fortuneCopy !req
239. when— Oh!Copy !req
240. Those darn blimp explosions!Copy !req
241. Don't you just
hate distractions?Copy !req
242. Oh, well.Copy !req
243. What are you going to do?Copy !req
244. Oh, and a few years later I
was on the college track team.Copy !req
245. I never actually
set any records,Copy !req
246. but I learned a lot about
the value of teamwork.Copy !req
247. Oh, hey.
Look.Copy !req
248. There's my old teeth.Copy !req
249. And most importantly, I
learned how to be a good sportCopy !req
250. because it really
doesn't matter who winsCopy !req
251. or who loses as long
as you have a good timeCopy !req
252. and nobody gets hurt.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
253. Those were happy days.Copy !req
254. Ready for another movie?Copy !req
255. - Mmm, I think I need to
go home and walk the cat.Copy !req
256. - But you don't have a cat.Copy !req
257. - Oh, did I say cat?Copy !req
258. I meant my phone is ringing.Copy !req
259. - Well, I'm going to
get back to settingCopy !req
260. my world record pretty soon.Copy !req
261. But right now I'll give you a
choice, press the red buttonCopy !req
262. if you want to see a video
of me getting a root canal,Copy !req
263. or the blue button if you just
want to see some commercials.Copy !req
264. I highly recommend the
root canal because—Copy !req
265. Hey!Copy !req
266. Is Al trying to set a
world record for idiotic ideas?Copy !req
267. Will he learn it's important
to just do your best?Copy !req
268. AL (VOICEOVER): The Weird
Al Show will be right back!Copy !req
269. I promise!Copy !req
270. It's time for more
of The Weird Al Show!Copy !req
271. - You know, Harvey, if I'm ever
going to get a world recordCopy !req
272. like you, I'm going
to need some help.Copy !req
273. Hello, Glennis.Copy !req
274. It's Al.Copy !req
275. Hey, can send every single world
record holder over to my cave?Copy !req
276. I need a few pointers.
Great!Copy !req
277. Thanks.
OK.Copy !req
278. They'll be right over.Copy !req
279. Now, while we're waiting.Copy !req
280. Why don't you watch
this Fatman cartoon?Copy !req
281. The
adventures of Fatman!Copy !req
282. - Ahh, I really needed this.Copy !req
283. - Hey, Harvey!
Watch this!Copy !req
284. - It's full of piping
hot split pea soup.Copy !req
285. No!Copy !req
286. - Huh?Copy !req
287. Oh, gross.Copy !req
288. I hate split be pea soup.Copy !req
289. What evil mind
could've perpetratedCopy !req
290. this dastardly deed?Copy !req
291. - Fatman, look.Copy !req
292. Courtesy of Dr.
Quimby P. Legume.Copy !req
293. - Hmmm.Copy !req
294. Could be a clue!Copy !req
295. - Your brain amazes me.Copy !req
296. - What say we follow
this incriminating trailCopy !req
297. of croutons?Copy !req
298. My crime fighter's instincts
tell me this is the place.Copy !req
299. Lagume, I presume.Copy !req
300. - It's no use trying
to stop me, Fatman.Copy !req
301. I must see my plan carried out.Copy !req
302. - That's the same capsule
he put in the pool water.Copy !req
303. - This capsule is much stronger.Copy !req
304. I just have to drop this
into the nearest sinkCopy !req
305. and my ultra-super-concentrated
formulaCopy !req
306. will spread like a mighty, green
fungus transforming the city'sCopy !req
307. entire water supply
into split pea soup.Copy !req
308. It will be a triumph of science.Copy !req
309. I will be vindicated in
front of all who mocked me.Copy !req
310. - Yeah.Copy !req
311. But couldn't you have
picked a good soup?Copy !req
312. I mean, split pea.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
313. This is really tasty.Copy !req
314. My grandmother's recipe.Copy !req
315. Try it.Copy !req
316. - Yum, yum, yummy.Copy !req
317. - Uh, Fatman.Copy !req
318. - This plan of yours is the
best idea I've ever heard.Copy !req
319. - Oh, I'm so glad you agree.Copy !req
320. And you'll be able to get this
soup out of any water outlet.Copy !req
321. - Just picture it.Copy !req
322. - Pea soup whenever you want it.Copy !req
323. It will become part of the
very fabric of our lives.Copy !req
324. - The world will be happier
than it's ever been.Copy !req
325. - Say, you two are getting along
like peas in a pod aren't you?Copy !req
326. - We sure are.Copy !req
327. I love this guy.Copy !req
328. - Well, don't you
think your new friendCopy !req
329. deserves a great big hug.Copy !req
330. - You bet!Copy !req
331. - Oh, hug.Copy !req
332. No.
Wait.Copy !req
333. Couldn't we just shake on it?Copy !req
334. No.
No!Copy !req
335. No!
No!Copy !req
336. - Harvey, I accidentally
delivered the Hug of Doom.Copy !req
337. Now he won't be able
to carry out his plan.Copy !req
338. - Bummer.Copy !req
339. OK.Copy !req
340. Well, let's go home.
- No.Copy !req
341. Wait.Copy !req
342. My business here
is not finished.Copy !req
343. You didn't see anymore of
that soup anywhere, did you?Copy !req
344. - Look, everyone.Copy !req
345. Fatman has saved the day.Copy !req
346. [all chanting "fatman!"]
- Back off!Copy !req
347. This is my soup.Copy !req
348. Get your own!
No!Copy !req
349. No!
Go away!Copy !req
350. It's my soup!Copy !req
351. My soup!
- Oy.Copy !req
352. - OK, Harv.Copy !req
353. Pretty soon you're going
to have some companyCopy !req
354. in the record books.Copy !req
355. That's right.Copy !req
356. I'm going to get my
own world record.Copy !req
357. A bunch of record
holders just dropped byCopy !req
358. and they're going to give
me a few helpful tips.Copy !req
359. Look at these guys.Copy !req
360. Isn't this cool?Copy !req
361. Hey, you must be
the world recordCopy !req
362. holder for consecutive
free throws.Copy !req
363. - That's me.
- Wow.Copy !req
364. I bet when you set
the world recordCopy !req
365. your friends were
really envious, huh?Copy !req
366. - Friends?Copy !req
367. My only friends are
my concentrationCopy !req
368. and my follow through.Copy !req
369. - Uh, right.Copy !req
370. Well, what should I do if I
want to set a world record?Copy !req
371. - Work as hard as you can.Copy !req
372. Eliminate all of
your distractions.Copy !req
373. In fact, the reflection from
your glasses is distracting me.Copy !req
374. Do you mind?Copy !req
375. - Oh, sorry.Copy !req
376. Oh, hey, Cousin Corky!Copy !req
377. - Hey.Copy !req
378. Quite a crowd you got here.Copy !req
379. I recognize a lot
of these people.Copy !req
380. - Well, who are they?Copy !req
381. - They hold the record for the
longest game of Marco Polo.Copy !req
382. - Marco!
- Polo!Copy !req
383. - Marco!Copy !req
384. - Polo.Copy !req
385. - He's been trying to
catch her since 1966.Copy !req
386. - And who is that?Copy !req
387. - She's timing them.Copy !req
388. In fact, she currently
holds the world recordCopy !req
389. for the most consecutive
hours timing someone.Copy !req
390. - Oh, I read about this guy.Copy !req
391. Hey, Beardman.Copy !req
392. How did you become a
world record holder?Copy !req
393. - Well, I didn't have
much choice, did I?Copy !req
394. - Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
395. I guess you could've cut
it off at some point.Copy !req
396. - What are you nuts?Copy !req
397. I can't cut it off.Copy !req
398. It's part of my body.
- That's silly.Copy !req
399. You can cut off your beard
at any time you want to.Copy !req
400. All you need is a
pair of scissors.Copy !req
401. - Really?Copy !req
402. Give me those!Copy !req
403. Ha.Copy !req
404. Ha.
Ha.Copy !req
405. I am finally free!Copy !req
406. - Well, good buddy.Copy !req
407. It looks like if you
want a world record,Copy !req
408. you got your work
cut out for you.Copy !req
409. But if you want my advice,
I'd say it's just as importantCopy !req
410. to do your best as
it is to be the best.Copy !req
411. - Yeah.Copy !req
412. You know, I still think it
would be really cool to haveCopy !req
413. a world record,
but I don't know.Copy !req
414. I just don't think it's for me.Copy !req
415. All that sacrifice.Copy !req
416. I mean, how could ever give
up smashing plates on my head?Copy !req
417. Or squirting mustard
on Sumo wrestlers?Copy !req
418. Or doing the boneless boy dance?Copy !req
419. Give all that up?Copy !req
420. No way!Copy !req
421. I love my life!Copy !req
422. - Whoa!Copy !req
423. It's Harvey!
The world's biggest hamster!Copy !req
424. - Hey, you're the guys
from Hanson, aren't you?Copy !req
425. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
426. You know, we're on vacation.Copy !req
427. Looking for the world's
largest rodents.Copy !req
428. Holy wow!Copy !req
429. Harvey rocks.Copy !req
430. - Harvey rocks.Copy !req
431. - No.
No.Copy !req
432. The flash effect
from those camerasCopy !req
433. may displace neurons in
Harvey's radioactive aura,Copy !req
434. damaging his
neo-electrical field,Copy !req
435. resulting in a complete and
immediate growth reversal.Copy !req
436. - Oops.
- See?Copy !req
437. Told you.
- Sorry.Copy !req
438. - Sorry.Copy !req
439. - Well, that's OK.Copy !req
440. Harvey looks a lot
happier now that he'sCopy !req
441. not a tourist
attraction anymore.Copy !req
442. But you could make
it up to us if youCopy !req
443. did one of your mega-hit songs.Copy !req
444. - OK.
- Sure.Copy !req
445. Let's go.
- Awesome.Copy !req
446. - Come on, guys.Copy !req
447. - We'll be right
back with Hanson!Copy !req
448. Al has finally learned
that holding a world recordCopy !req
449. isn't the important thing, it's
doing your best that counts.Copy !req
450. AL (VOICEOVER):
Hold your horses!Copy !req
451. We'll be right back.Copy !req
452. And now the
spine-tingling conclusionCopy !req
453. of The Weird Al Show!
- Look!Copy !req
454. Look!
It's Hanson!Copy !req
455. Oh.Copy !req
456. Oh, oh.Copy !req
457. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
458. Oh.Copy !req
459. Something has been going on.Copy !req
460. I don't know what it is.Copy !req
461. Oh.Copy !req
462. You don't mind the taking, girl,
but you don't know how to give.Copy !req
463. Oh.Copy !req
464. You drive me crazy.Copy !req
465. But I don't know, baby.Copy !req
466. You're thinking that
it's me you're fooling.Copy !req
467. Where's the right in,
all of our fighting?Copy !req
468. Look at what you're doing.Copy !req
469. Where's the love?Copy !req
470. It's not enough.Copy !req
471. It makes the world
go 'round and 'round.Copy !req
472. Where's the love?Copy !req
473. Just give it up.Copy !req
474. It makes the world go 'round
and 'round and 'round.Copy !req
475. Oh, yeah.
Oh.Copy !req
476. Can you tell me what you see
whenever you look around?Copy !req
477. We're tripping
all over ourselvesCopy !req
478. and pulling each other down.Copy !req
479. Oh.Copy !req
480. We're segregated,
consciousness is fading.Copy !req
481. Are you thinking it's
me you're fooling?Copy !req
482. Where's the right in
all of our fighting?Copy !req
483. Look at what we're doing.Copy !req
484. Where's the love?Copy !req
485. It's not enough.Copy !req
486. It makes the world
go 'round and 'round.Copy !req
487. And where's the love?Copy !req
488. Just give it up.Copy !req
489. It makes the world go 'round
and 'round and 'round.Copy !req
490. Dark clouds all
around, lightning,Copy !req
491. rain pouring down, waiting
for the bright lightCopy !req
492. to break through.Copy !req
493. Face down, on the ground pick
us up at the lost and found.Copy !req
494. We've got to change our point
of view if we want the sky blue.Copy !req
495. Hey!Copy !req
496. Oh.Copy !req
497. We're segregated,
consciousness is fading.Copy !req
498. Are you thinking that
it's me you're fooling?Copy !req
499. Where's the right in
all of our fighting?Copy !req
500. Look at what we're doing.Copy !req
501. Where's the love?Copy !req
502. It's not enough.Copy !req
503. It makes the world
go 'round and 'round.Copy !req
504. And where's the love?Copy !req
505. Just give it up.Copy !req
506. It makes the world go 'round
and 'round and 'round.Copy !req
507. Where's the love?Copy !req
508. It's not enough.Copy !req
509. It makes the world go 'round and
'round and 'round and around.Copy !req
510. Where's the love?Copy !req
511. Just give it up.Copy !req
512. Oh.Copy !req
513. Won't you, won't you give it up?Copy !req
514. Oh!Copy !req
515. - Goodbye!Copy !req
516. Goodbye!
Goodbye!Copy !req