1. Oh, this is a
story about a guy named Al,
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2. and he lived in a sewer
with his hamster pal.
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3. But the sanitation workers
really didn't approve,
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4. so he packed up his
accordion and had
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5. to move to a city in Ohio
where he lived in a tree
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6. and he worked in a nasal
decongestant factory.
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7. And he played on the
company bowling team,
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8. and every single night he
had a strange recurring dream
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9. where he was wearing lederhosen
in a vat of sour cream,
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10. but that's really not
important to the story.
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11. Well, the very next year
he met a dental hygienist
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12. with a spatula tattooed
on her arm, on her arm,
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13. but he didn't keep in touch
and he lost her number,
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14. then he got himself a
job on a tater tot farm.
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15. And he spent his life
savings on a split-level cave
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16. 20 miles below the surface
of the Earth, of the Earth.
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17. And he really makes a mighty
fine jelly bean and pickle
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18. sandwich for what it's worth.
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19. Then one day Al was in the
forest trying to get a tan when
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20. he heard the tortured dreaming
of a funny little man.
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21. He was caught in a bear
trap, and Al set him free,
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22. and the guy that he rescued
was grateful as could be.
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23. And it turns out he's a
big shot producer on TV,
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24. so he gives Al a contract,
and what do you know?
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25. Now he's got his very
own Weird Al Show!
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26. Today's lesson is
when faced with a problem,
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27. use your creativity
and imagination
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28. to help you solve it.
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29. - Oh, Man, that was great.
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30. Oh, hey, everybody.
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31. How you doing?
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32. Harvey and I are
just getting back
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33. from Cave Con III, the annual
cave dweller's convention.
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34. Oh, we had a blast,
didn't we, pal?
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35. I got to meet a bunch of
my fellow cave dwellers,
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36. and you know, they're
really cool people.
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37. I guess I got a
little carried away.
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38. I mean, I had to brag that I
have my own TV show, right?
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39. I told them how great it is and
everything, and you know what?
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40. A lot of them didn't believe me.
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41. So I told the just going go
home and watch for themselves.
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42. So to all my brand new
conventioneer friends
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43. out there, look!
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44. It's me, Al!
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45. I'm on TV!
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46. Oh, and I got tons
of cool souvenirs.
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47. Check this out.
Oh, this is my favorite.
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48. This is a picture of Melvin
Troglovitch, the very first
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49. cave dweller ever to befriend
and domesticate a hamster.
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50. This baby's going
right over my— hey!
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51. Where's my table?
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52. And my lava lamp collection?
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53. And my eyeball chair?
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54. Oh, no, this is terrible.
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55. Harvey, I hate to say it but
I think we've been robbed!
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56. Oh, I can't believe this.
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57. Oh!
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58. They got my home entertainment
center, and my video phone,
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59. and my perfectly preserved wad
of Dustin Hoffman's earwax.
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60. Oh!
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61. Oh, no, no, no!
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62. Not my Hawaiian shirts!
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63. Oh!
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64. Harvey, you don't think
they took— the Habitrail!
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65. Oh!
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66. Oh, is nothing sacred?
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67. Oh!
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68. Oh, Harvey, look.
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69. They stripped your stunt car.
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70. Yeah, they got your stereo,
and all your Sheryl Crow tapes.
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71. Oh, man.
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72. - Welcome back, neighbor.
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73. I saved your newspapers.
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74. Say, what's going on here?
A little spring cleaning?
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75. Where's all your furniture?
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76. - I've been robbed.
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77. - What?
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78. No, that can't be!
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79. I kept an eye on the
place the whole time.
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80. Well, there was that one
little dental appointment.
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81. - Yeah.
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82. Well, while your one little
cavity was being filled,
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83. my entire cave
was being emptied.
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84. So now I've got a show to do
and nothing to do it with.
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85. - Oh, Al, I am sorry.
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86. I— I feel partly responsible.
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87. - Oh, that's all right.
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88. Dental hygiene is
very important.
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89. But what am I going to do?
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90. - Well, you'll have
to be creative.
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91. In the meantime, I'll just
go back to the Hood Cave
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92. and put out an APB on the
Avenger crime hot line.
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93. The least I could is set the
wheels of justice in motion!
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94. - All right, well, see you later.
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95. Oh, this stinks!
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96. All my new friends
from the convention
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97. are watching, but without
my stuff, what am I?
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98. Just another cave-dwelling,
accordion-playing,
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99. hamster-loving TV show host.
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100. What a cliche.
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101. I've got nothing to
entertain you with!
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102. Well, except this
piece of paper.
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103. OK, well, I'll do an origami
trick for you, and that's it!
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104. Barking poodle.
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105. Woof woof!
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106. Woof woof!
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107. OK, that was kind of pathetic.
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108. Look, I just want all my new
cave dweller pals out there
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109. to know that this isn't
like my normal show.
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110. Usually, I do
really fun and stuff
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111. like— my nutrition break!
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112. Oh!
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113. They even raided the icebox!
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114. This is too much.
Great.
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115. Nothing like an
over-achieving burglar.
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116. Wait what's this?
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117. Mm!
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118. Moldy pita bread.
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119. Well, this should hit the spot.
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120. Hey, would you look at that?
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121. Those wacky bacteria have
built an entire metropolis.
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122. Look, there's a dry cleaners,
and a mall, and a video store.
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123. Wait a minute.
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124. Can I destroy an entire
microscopically advanced
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125. civilization just
to feed my face?
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126. Yeah, I guess so.
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127. Mmm!
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128. Mmm!
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129. Mmm!
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130. Moldy good!
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131. OK, what can we do now?
Hey!
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132. Why don't we go— oh,
wait, we can't do that.
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133. All right, then, why don't
we— can do that, either.
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134. Well, we could, uh— we
could talk to my old friend,
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135. Rita the Pita.
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136. How you doing, Rita?
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137. - Just fine, Al.
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138. - Well, Rita, why don't
we— uh, oh, forget it.
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139. How can I do a really
great show when
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140. I don't have any of my stuff?
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141. This is awful.
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142. I feel worse than I
did the time someone
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143. stuck a crazed
weasel in my pants.
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144. - Hey!
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145. You're letting a little
robbery get you down?
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146. Don't be a cry baby!
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147. Get creative.
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148. How about a wrestling match?
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149. What do you say?
- Come on!
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150. You want to wrestle?
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151. - Yeah!
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152. - You want to wrestle, Mr. Man?
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153. - Yeah!
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154. - You don't even know
what you're in for!
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155. You are in a world
of hurt, my friend!
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156. - Oh, really!
- That's right!
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157. Come on, bring it on!
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158. Yeah, that's right!
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159. You are gonna get it now!
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160. You, my friend, have
finally met your match!
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161. All right, Harvey.
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162. Go get 'im!
- Yaa!
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163. - Hey!
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164. Hey, watch it!
Careful!
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165. You're hurting him!
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166. Cut it out!
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167. Hey, go easy.
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168. Stop it!
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169. He can't take anymore!
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170. OK, OK, that's enough.
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171. - Get him off me!
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172. Get him off me!
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173. - OK, Harvey, I think Mr.
Savage has had enough.
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174. - Oh, I think I bruised a rib.
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175. I demand a rematch.
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176. Next time, that
rodent's going down!
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177. - Yeah, yeah, whatever.
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178. - Man, I can't believe it.
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179. - Harvey, you got to take
it easy on these guys.
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180. Ah, that really got
my adrenaline going.
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181. I'm feeling really
good right now.
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182. That completely got my mind off
the fact that I've been robbed,
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183. and all my stuff is gone, and
I can't do a decent so now,
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184. and I'm going to be
the laughing stock
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185. at next year's cave
dweller's convention.
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186. I got to come up with
something creative quick.
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187. But in the meantime,
watch a commercial!
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188. Seems some
sinister spelunker
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189. has stolen Al's stuff, but
if he uses his imagination,
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190. maybe we can solve his problem!
Hey!
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191. Don't go away.
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192. The Weird Al Show will
be back in a flash.
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193. It's time for more
of the Weird Al Show!
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194. Hey, welcome back.
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195. I was just looking
through this mess,
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196. trying to find something
to entertain you with.
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197. Wouldn't you know it?
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198. The burglar took all the good
stuff and just left this trash.
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199. You know, I've been thinking
about it while you guys were
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200. gone, and it just
doesn't seem fair
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201. that I should have to
do my show this way.
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202. It's embarrassing.
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203. Yep, I've suffered enough
for one day, so I quit!
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204. See ya.
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205. Hello?
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206. Why, hello, Cave Dweller Mogli.
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207. It's the president
of the convention.
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208. What?
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209. You say the bus
was late and you're
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210. all just tuning
into my show now?
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211. You want to know
what you missed.
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212. Well, what can I tell you?
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213. Uh, it hasn't been like any
show I've ever done before.
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214. Yeah.
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215. You guys missed all
the really cool stuff,
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216. and now the show's over.
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217. Not according to
your watch, huh?
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218. Well—
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219. Oh, would you look at that?
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220. Someone's at the door.
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221. Really great seeing you guys.
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222. Sorry you missed the
best part of the show.
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223. Gotta go!
Thanks for calling!
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224. Bye!
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225. - Al!
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226. - Why, it's Bobby
the Inquisitive Boy.
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227. What's up, Bobby?
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228. - I got a question.
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229. - Well, that's a shocker.
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230. Well, what do you
want to know today?
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231. - Where did I come from?
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232. - Well, uh, didn't your dad
ever tell you about that?
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233. - No, he told me to ask you.
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234. He said you probably
have movies on the topic.
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235. - Well, I did, Bobby,
but I— I don't anymore.
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236. I've been robbed.
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237. All my movies are gone,
and so is my projector.
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238. - Well, can't you just tell me?
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239. - No, sorry.
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240. - Then can you read me a story?
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241. - Oh.
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242. OK, Bobby.
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243. I'm going to read you a
beautiful little story
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244. about The Amazing
Adventures Of Fatman.
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245. The
Adventures Of Fatman!
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246. In the middle of a record
breaking heat wave,
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247. Donut World employee
Al Yankovic has
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248. found a unique way
to make a quick buck!
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249. - Mmm!
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250. I think they're tastier when you
fry 'em right on the sidewalk.
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251. Don't you, Harvey?
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252. - I think I'm starting to chafe.
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253. Huh?
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254. - There appears to be some
kind of evil lurking.
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255. This looks like a job
for— well, you know.
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256. - I am the Eggman!
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257. And he's the Walrus.
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258. - Coo coo c'joob.
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259. - Get cracking, boys.
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260. - Ohh!
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261. - Here's eggsactly what I want.
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262. Either I'm named ruler
of this fair city,
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263. or I drop those eggs,
and in this heat
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264. it will turn this town
into a giant omelette!
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265. In fact, if I don't get
to be chief eggsecutive—
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266. - OK, OK.
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267. You're the Eggman.
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268. We get it.
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269. Enough with the
stupid puns, already!
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270. - Careful.
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271. You wouldn't want to get
hit by the Scrambler!
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272. - Oh, dear.
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273. The Scrambler.
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274. Whatever shall I— do.
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275. - So, what did I miss?
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276. - Oh, you know, the usual.
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277. A guy called the
Eggman wants to turn
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278. the city into a giant omelette.
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279. - Sounds great.
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280. I'd love an omelette
right about now.
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281. - Fatman, the whole city's
going to be smothered!
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282. - Yeah, with onions and
peppers and mushrooms and—
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283. - Well, the Eggman didn't
mention any other ingredients.
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284. Just eggs.
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285. - Just eggs!
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286. Not even cheese?
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287. Come on, pal.
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288. We've got to stop a
madman from making
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289. a really boring omelette!
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290. Harvey!
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291. Mushrooms!
Spinach!
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292. - Nice try, Fatman, but this
fight won't be "over easy."
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293. Take a look at your city
and wave us goodbye!
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294. - Ah!
Ham!
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295. We need more ham!
- Oink!
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296. - Curse you for foiling
my plan, Fatman!
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297. But it's not ovum
until its ovum.
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298. I shall return, and the
yolk will be on you!
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299. - That's it!
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300. I can't take any more
stupid egg jokes!
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301. Uhh!
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302. - Ahhhhh!
- Ouchie.
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303. That's got to hurt.
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304. - Well, looks like
the Eggman is toast.
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305. - What is it?
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306. - I wanted an omelette!
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307. - Oh, come on.
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308. I'll buy you an omelette.
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309. - And pancakes in the
shape of a teddy bear?
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310. - Of course.
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311. Pancakes in the shape of
whatever you would like.
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312. - Now, wasn't that
a beautiful story?
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313. - Yeah, I guess.
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314. But I still want to
know where I came from.
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315. - Oh, man, I just remembered I've
got a big musical act coming
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316. over to perform in
a couple minutes.
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317. Well, better run along now.
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318. - Can I stay and watch?
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319. - No.
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320. Uh, there's a height requirement
for audience members,
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321. and you're just under.
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322. Well, better run
along home, Bobby.
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323. - Oh, what am I
going to do there?
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324. - Use your imagination.
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325. I know you'll
think of something.
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326. Well, see you later, Bobby.
Goodbye.
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327. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
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328. That's right, All-4-One is
going to be here in any second.
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329. How are they going
to perform when
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330. all of my musical
equipment is gone?
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331. What am I gonna do?
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332. I bet Al
can solve his problems
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333. with just a little creativity.
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334. I mean, that little paper doggie
thing was good, wasn't it?
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335. We'll be right back.
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336. Don't you move!
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337. The Weird Al Show is back!
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338. Did you miss me?
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339. Hey, welcome back.
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340. All-4-One is coming
over a minute,
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341. even though all my musical
equipment's been stolen.
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342. That should be fun, huh?
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343. Well, I can tell by the
old clock on the wall
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344. that once again it's time for—
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345. Al's Mail Bag.
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346. That's right.
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347. Well, let's see if the
burglar stole that, too.
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348. Oh.
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349. Got a letter here from, uh,
Marty Lick in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
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350. And Marty writes, "Dear Al,
a lot of the kids at school
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351. laugh and make fun of me because
I have an imaginary friend.
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352. What do you think?"
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353. Well, Marty, I think
you've got a very
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354. healthy and active imagination.
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355. That's good.
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356. If you learn to develop
that, you can do anything.
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357. And by the way, there's
absolutely nothing wrong
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358. with having an imaginary friend.
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359. In fact, I still have
an imaginary friend.
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360. I call him Gilbert.
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361. - That's my name!
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362. That's my name!
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363. Why wouldn't you
call me Gilbert?
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364. That's my name!
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365. My name's Gilbert!
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366. - And even though
Gilbert is imaginary,
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367. he's always there if I
need someone to talk to
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368. or a shoulder to cry on.
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369. - I told you a thousand
times, I'm not imaginary!
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370. I'm real!
You see me?
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371. You see me?
I'm real!
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372. Look, do you want
identification?
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373. Here, here.
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374. Anything you want.
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375. Do you want a driver's license?
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376. You want ID?
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377. You want a birth certificate?
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378. - Hey, maybe we could say
hello to Gilbert right now.
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379. Oh, Gilbert?
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380. - I'm here!
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381. I'm right here!
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382. I'm right in front of you!
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383. - If you could only hear what
he's saying to me right now.
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384. He's such a joker.
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385. - OK, that's it.
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386. I'm outta here 'cause
you're a nutcase!
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387. - Who could that be?
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388. - Oh, that's OK.
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389. I'll get it.
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390. - Hey, it's my pals All-4-One.
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391. - What's up, Al?
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392. - Hey, Al.
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393. - Oh, just ignore me.
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394. I'm imaginary!
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395. - Hey, those shirts
look awfully familiar.
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396. Where'd you get 'em?
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397. - There's a guy outside's got
a whole van full of them.
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398. - And he's selling them
for like a buck a piece.
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399. What a steal, huh?
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400. - Yeah.
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401. - So, would not be a great
time for us to do our song?
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402. - Oh, I-I'm really sorry.
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403. I meant to tell you guys, uh,
all my stuff got ripped off,
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404. all my musical
instruments and amplifiers
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405. and cables and cords
and everything.
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406. - Oh, Al, we don't need
any of that stuff.
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407. - You don't?
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408. - No, real music comes
from right here.
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409. - My shirt?
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410. - No, your heart.
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411. - Oh!
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412. So what song are you going
to be singing for us today?
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413. - "Love's In Need Of Love."
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414. - Sounds great.
Hey, look!
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415. It's All-4-One!
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416. Good morning, friends, here's
your friendly announcer.
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417. I have serious news to
pass on to everybody.
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418. What I'm about to say could
mean the world's disaster
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419. and change our joy and our
laughter to tears and pain.
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420. Love's in need of love today.
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421. So don't delay, send
yours in right away.
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422. Hate's going round.
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423. It's breaking hearts.
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424. So why don't you stop and
please before it's gone too far.
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425. - Whoo!
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426. All right!
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427. Great job, guys.
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428. All right, thank you.
- Gentlemen, outstanding.
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429. - Thank you.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
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430. Uh, Hooded Avenger, All-4-One.
All-4-One, Hooded Avenger.
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431. - Hey.
- How you doing?
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432. - How you doing?
- Enchante.
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433. - Well, thanks for having
us on, Al, but we're
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434. on a heavy duty cave tour
and we've got six more
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435. to hit today, so
we've got to be going.
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436. So we'll see you
later, all right?
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437. - Thank guys.
- Bye bye.
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438. - Thanks a lot.
- Arrivederci.
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439. - Ciao!
Copy !req
440. - Hey, neighbor.
Copy !req
441. - Got something for you.
- Yeah?
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442. What?
Copy !req
443. - I thought you might like
to watch a little TV!
Copy !req
444. - All right!
Copy !req
445. Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
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446. I improvised an antenna for you.
Copy !req
447. You might need to
adjust it a little bit.
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448. - Ah, here we go.
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449. - Well, I got to run.
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450. - Hey!
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451. Since my super deluxe satellite
broadcasting system isn't here,
Copy !req
452. we can do our channel
hopping on this.
Copy !req
453. - If someone asks
you for directions,
Copy !req
454. stop, think about
it for a moment,
Copy !req
455. and if you don't know
the best way for them
Copy !req
456. to go, smile and tell them
cheerfully that you can't help
Copy !req
457. them, and they should
ask someone else.
Copy !req
458. Giving someone directions
that you're not sure about,
Copy !req
459. even if you're just trying
to help, is a bad idea.
Copy !req
460. Don't be a hero.
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461. No directions are better
than bad directions.
Copy !req
462. And
it looks like this one's
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463. not going anywhere.
Copy !req
464. In case you just
joining us, you're
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465. watching live
coverage of what has
Copy !req
466. been an exciting,
high speed chase.
Copy !req
467. The driver of this van
is the prime suspect
Copy !req
468. in a local burglary,
and it looks
Copy !req
469. like they're opening
up the van now.
Copy !req
470. Let's see if the
evidence is in there.
Copy !req
471. - Hey!
That's my stuff!
Copy !req
472. Wow!
Copy !req
473. Would you look at all that junk?
Copy !req
474. I've never seen so much garbage
in one place in all my life.
Copy !req
475. The real mystery here
is why would anybody
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476. want to steal this
worthless trash?
Copy !req
477. - Hey!
Copy !req
478. And so
ends another exciting edition
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479. of America's Most
Reality-based Cops.
Copy !req
480. - Some people have
no taste, but I
Copy !req
481. guess I'll be getting
my stuff back.
Copy !req
482. All right!
Hey!
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483. It looks like Al's going to
get his junk— uh, stuff back,
Copy !req
484. and he learned that just about
any problem can be solved
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485. with a little creativity
and imagination.
Copy !req
486. Peace out!
Copy !req
487. Don't go away, or you'll regret
it for the rest of your life!
Copy !req
488. And now the spine
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489. tingling conclusion
of The Weird Al Show!
Copy !req
490. - Well, they finally
caught the guy
Copy !req
491. that ripped me off, and pretty
scary looking, wasn't he?
Copy !req
492. So it looks like I'll be getting
all my stuff back pretty soon.
Copy !req
493. Well, pal, I don't know whether
or not the show was a success,
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494. but at least we had fun.
Copy !req
495. Oh, thanks.
Hey!
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496. It's a letter from my pals at
the cave dweller's convention.
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497. "Dear Al, we just
wanted to say how
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498. much we enjoyed
watching your show.
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499. We had no idea you had so much
imagination and creativity.
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500. We'll be watching
every week from now on.
Copy !req
501. P.S., We just developed
those pictures
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502. of you wearing your
underwear on your head."
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503. Well, that's it for this week.
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504. Thanks for watching, everybody.
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505. Goodbye!
Copy !req
506. Say goodbye, Harvey.
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507. Goodbye!
Copy !req
508. Goodbye!
Copy !req
509. Goodbye!
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