The Weird Al Show 1x12

1. Oh, this is a story about a guy named Al,

2. and he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal.

3. But the sanitation workers really didn't approve,

4. so he packed up his accordion and had

5. to move to a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree.

6. And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory,

7. and he played on the company bowling team.

8. And every single night he had a strange recurring dream

9. where he was wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream,

10. but that's really not important to the story.

11. Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist

12. with a spatula tattooed on her arm,

13. but he didn't keep in touch and he lost her number then

14. he got himself a job on a tater tot farm.

15. And he spent his life-savings on a split-level cave

16. 20 miles below the surface of the Earth,

17. and he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle

18. sandwich, for what it's worth.

19. Then, one day Al was in the forest trying to get a tan when

20. he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man.

21. He was caught in a bear trap, and Al set him free.

22. And the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be,

23. and it turns out he's a big shot producer on TV

24. so he gives Al a contract, and whaddya know?

25. Now, he's got his very own Weird Al Show.

26. Today's lesson is, when friends want to share

27. their feelings, you should be a good listener.

28. - Oh, hey, how you doing?

29. I'm just doing a little last minute

30. decorating around the cave.

31. See, a bunch of my friends are going

32. to be dropping by any second, and we're

33. going to have a big holiday party.

34. The thing is, we couldn't decide on which holiday

35. so we're just going to celebrate them all.

36. It's going to be great.

37. Look at all this great holiday food.

38. Heart shaped ham, chocolate bunnies with cornbread stuffing

39. and gravy, green shamrock matzohs, candy corn on the cob,

40. and later on, we'll be bobbing for turkey.

41. And, of course, the secret weapon of a good party host,

42. mood pie.

43. It soaks up all the vibes from the room

44. and tells you at a glance how the party is going.

45. Plus, it's moodalicious.

46. Hey, where is everyone?

47. They should have been here 27 seconds ago.

48. Oh, no one's coming.

49. I've been snubbed.

50. Oh, this is terrible.

51. Oh no, the mood pie.

52. I've ruined the mood pie.

53. I mean, hooray, I've ruined the mood pie.

54. Whoo.

55. Hey, everybody.

56. Wow, is this a great turn out, or what?

57. - Ho, ho, ho, neighbor.

58. Have you been a good crime stopper this year?

59. - Hi, Santa.

60. I want a brand new bowling ball, and a drool baby

61. with two extra cans of baby drool,

62. and a real live pony— You're not Santa.

63. - Very funny, Al.

64. Speaking of ponies, let me tell you

65. a story about a little superhero who wanted a pony for Christmas

66. more than anything in the world.

67. But he never got one.

68. - That's OK.

69. Say, why don't you check out the buffet table.

70. It's a really great spread.

71. I'd stay away from the tapioca stuffed potatoes,

72. if I were you. They smell kind of funny.

73. - Oh, well, thanks for not listening to my story.

74. - This party was such a great idea, I think I— Oh, hi, Val.

75. Happy holidays.

76. Ow.

77. Hey, what was that for?

78. - I'm celebrating St. Patrick's Day,

79. and you aren't wearing a lick of green.

80. - Oh, well, yes I am.

81. Look. - No.

82. That's aquamarine.

83. - Oh, well you got me.

84. - Got you good, huh?

85. - That was pretty good.

86. That was a good one. That was good.

87. - Oh, the food looks great.

88. So what should I try first?

89. - Try the tapioca stuffed potatoes.

90. - Mmm.

91. - Anyway, the really great thing about the holidays

92. is that everyone's so happy.

93. It makes you—

94. - Oh, hi, Madame Judy.

95. Happy— What holiday are you celebrating?

96. - Oh, Al.

97. Give Madame Judy your palm.

98. I must read your palm.

99. - Uh, OK.

100. - Oh no.

101. - What? What is it?

102. - I see horrible tragedy in your future.

103. I see devastation and pain and unspeakable suffering.

104. I see you being tortured by the anguish of a thousand plagues,

105. writhing in agony in the middle of the desert,

106. as giant birds circle you and the sun deep fries you

107. into a big fat crispy fritter.

108. - Really? - No.

109. April Fools.

110. Fakeout.

111. - That's very funny.

112. I think I'll get back to my party now.

113. - No, wait.

114. Al, I'm getting another message.

115. Oh, listen to what your friends have to say,

116. or the holiday spirit will go away.

117. - Yeah, yeah, right.

118. April Fool's.

119. - Oh, hi, Al. Great party.

120. - Oh, thanks cuz.

121. So what holiday are you celebrating?

122. - Well, I'll give you a hint.

123. It start with a V.

124. - Voter registration day?

125. - And I'm hoping to get some cards.

126. - Venus flytrap day?

127. Vietnamese pot-bellied pig day?

128. - Or maybe some flowers.

129. - Volcano worshippers day?

130. - No, silly, it's— Vinnie.

131. - Vinnie day?

132. That's a new one.

133. Hey, everybody, grab some punch.

134. We're gonna have a toast.

135. - No, no.

136. Ah, Yankovic, JB Toppersmith here.

137. Say, thanks for inviting me to your party, my boy.

138. - My pleasure, JB.

139. Sorry you couldn't attend in person.

140. - Well, that's what video conferencing is all about,

141. gives the busy executive the illusion

142. of being there without all that annoying personal contact,

143. you know what I mean?

144. - Although, to tell you the truth,

145. I sure could use a friend to talk to.

146. - Gee, JB, it looks like your punch

147. could use some more ice cubes.

148. I'll messenger some right over.

149. - No, no, wait.

150. I wanted to tell you—

151. - I want to thank everyone for coming,

152. and I want to wish you all the very best Christmas, New

153. Year's, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Halloween, Thanksgiving,

154. Easter, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, and Cinco de Mayo,

155. as well the happiest Groundhogs, Valentine's, Presidents' Day,

156. St. Patrick's, Mother's, Father's, Veterans, Memorial,

157. Flag, independence, Labor, Arbor, Boxing,

158. Columbus, and Bastille Day ever.

159. Maybe tuna punch is an acquired taste?

160. Al, this party is not turning out all like I expected.

161. What am I gonna do?

162. If Al wants his party to really rock,

163. maybe he should listen when his friends talk.

164. AL: Hey, don't go away.

165. The Weird All Show will be back in a flash.

166. Can you believe it?

167. The Weird Al Show is back.

168. - The mood pie doesn't look very good right now.

169. Why is everyone poisoning the good vibes of my holiday party?

170. I better get busy cheering people up.

171. Uncle Ralphie, how's it going?

172. Hey, let me ask.

173. You're celebrating Easter, right?

174. - Oh, no, no.

175. The 4th of July.

176. - Oh.

177. Then why are you dressed up like the Easter Bunny?

178. - Because someone else took the last Uncle Sam costume.

179. - If you snooze, then you lose.

180. - You knew I wanted to be Uncle Sam.

181. - Oh, what are you gonna do? Bust out crying, bunny boy?

182. - You—

183. - Hey, hey, hey, I don't want to listen to this.

184. Look, we're going to have a happy, happy party.

185. You got me? - He started it.

186. - He started it. - Did not.

187. - Did too.

188. - OK, OK, that's enough.

189. I think you two need a timeout.

190. Tell you what.

191. Why don't you guys go on a little Easter egg hunt?

192. I hid a bunch of eggs in that abandoned

193. mine shaft right over there.

194. - It's dark in there.

195. I'm scared of the dark.

196. - You're a big baby. - Hey!

197. Why don't you take this to help you along.

198. Now, you two go have fun, all right?

199. - OK.

200. Come on, little bunny boy.

201. Come on, Mr. Cottontail, you should be good at this.

202. - Hey, Hooded Avenger, great party, huh?

203. - If Val Brentwood pinches me one more time for not wearing

204. green, I'll be tempted to do something

205. very unsuperhero like.

206. - Calm down, I'll talk to her about it.

207. - Thanks.

208. I'm gonna have a bruise in the morning.

209. - Is it my imagination, or is everything getting worse?

210. It's a holiday party, everyone's supposed to be happy.

211. It's probably just a lull, right?

212. Let me go check the mood pie.

213. Uh-oh.

214. - Something wrong with the mood pie?

215. - Oh, hi, Mrs. Fesenmeyer.

216. - Oh, gee, there sure seem to be a lot

217. of unhappy people at this party.

218. - I have no idea what you're talking about.

219. This party is going great.

220. - Maybe you shouldn't be worrying so much about your party.

221. Maybe you should worry a little more

222. about the feelings of your guests.

223. - Hey, why don't we all play a game of jump in the compost?

224. - Maybe later.

225. - Ouch. Ah!

226. - Corky, you look kinda down.

227. You know what you need?

228. - To talk about my feelings?

229. - No.

230. A snack.

231. I've been saving this for a special occasion.

232. This fruit cake has been passed down

233. in the Yankovic family from generation to generation.

234. It was originally a gift from the Queen of England herself,

235. and it came over to this country in the year 1620

236. on the Mayflower, where it was used as an anchor when

237. the original anchor was eaten by a giant sea monster.

238. Well, it's just a little tougher than I thought.

239. - Look, Al, I'm really not hungry, all right?

240. I Don't you even want to know what's bothering me?

241. - Sure, OK, what's wrong, Corky?

242. - My pilgrim escaped, and I didn't

243. get a single Valentine all day.

244. In fact, I've never gotten a Valentine.

245. - Corky, you're ruining my party.

246. Now, just snap out of it before you bum everybody else out too.

247. - I wish somebody would just listen to me.

248. I think I'll just go hide in the abandoned mine

249. shaft where I can talk to myself.

250. - Mmm, salty.

251. - Ouch.

252. Hey, what are you doing?

253. I'm wearing green.

254. - Oh, yeah.

255. Whatever.

256. - Hey, guys.

257. What's the matter?

258. Couldn't you find any eggs?

259. - It looks like the underground rats

260. got to them before we could.

261. - Yeah, what were you thinking hiding

262. Easter eggs in a mine shaft?

263. Next year, I'm going to Fred Huggin's holiday party instead.

264. - Uh-oh.

265. If you'll excuse me a second.

266. What?

267. Does everybody have the holiday blues?

268. I gotta do something fast.

269. I know.

270. Hey, everybody, here's something that's

271. guaranteed to entertain you.

272. A death-defying stunt from my best friend in the whole world,

273. Harvey, the Wonder Hamster.

274. Harvey.

275. Hey, pal, where are ya?

276. Oh, what's this?

277. I'm not coming out today.

278. Groundhogs have their very own day.

279. Why can't hamsters?

280. It's not fair.

281. Signed, Harvey.

282. What?

283. - Today, in my home country of Squirmous,

284. it's Hamster Stewing Day.

285. But do any of you care?

286. No.

287. - And I always hated the 4th of July

288. because I think that the United States

289. should still be a part of England.

290. - Well, I always hated the Beatles.

291. - No more sad stories.

292. This party is for happy people.

293. Happy people only.

294. If you're not happy, then leave.

295. There's the door.

296. Come on, get out!

297. We don't need any unhappy people here.

298. See ya later.

299. Bye-bye.

300. Goodbye.

301. Bye. Bye.

302. Great, now it'll just be the happy people left.

303. Oh, too bad Al wouldn't let his friend

304. share their feelings.

305. Looks like now it's a party for one.

306. AL: The Weird All Show will be right back.

307. I promise.

308. It's time for more of The Weird Al Show.

309. - Hey, welcome back to my one man holiday party.

310. I chased all my friends away because they were unhappy,

311. and now I'm so bummed out, I don't know what to do.

312. Well, when the answers to life's questions allude you,

313. there's only one thing to do, watch TV.

314. - Hey, you wanna know why I feel so good? 'Cuz I look good.

315. I'm Tony Maloney, your physical fitness friend.

316. And I want all you potato chip eating slobs

317. to get off your lazy butts right now and exercise with me.

318. Come on, and get up.

319. Get up and stretch.

320. First, stretch out the arms.

321. Here we go.

322. Stretch it out.

323. Oh, yeah, that's good.

324. Stretch it.

325. - Well, Papa Boolie, what would you like to do now?

326. - Get as far away from you as possible.

327. - Yeah, you stick.

328. - Well, now, hey, tell you what, I just wrote a brand new song.

329. Would you like me to play it for you?

330. - Slightly less than I'd like bamboo

331. splinters under my fingernails.

332. - Dad, please, make him stop.

333. - I'm a little kitty.

334. Meow, meow.

335. I'm a little kitty.

336. Meow, meow.

337. When I'm dirty, I lick my fur.

338. When I'm happy, I purr purr purr.

339. Oh, I'm a little kitty.

340. Meow, meow.

341. - Oh, man, he's really lost it.

342. - Yeah, I think it's back to the whole home for old Fred.

343. Yeah, Papa Boolie here.

344. Yeah, he's singing the kitty song again.

345. No, he's lost it.

346. You better bring the straight jacket.

347. Today on This Old Mouth

348. we take an up close and personal look at our friend, the uvula.

349. - Oh, yeah.

350. Oh, yeah.

351. - All of which goes to show why I think Rabid Puppy is the best

352. film of this year or any year.

353. - Well, that is probably the stupidest

354. thing you have ever said.

355. This movie was horrible.

356. I would rather rip my own head off, then

357. sit through this piece of garbage again.

358. - Yeah?

359. Well, that's the kind of ignorance

360. I'd expect from a doodie head like you.

361. - You talking to me, poopy pants?

362. - Snot face.

363. - Vomit nose.

364. - Hootie fish.

365. - Hootie fish?

366. —with a ripe cantaloupe.

367. This just in, ping pong spelled backwards is gnop gnip.

368. - Where are you taking me?

369. Oh, you're hurting my little wristy.

370. Oh, ow, that was painful.

371. Help me, Papa Boolie.

372. - Yeah, right.

373. - Oh, what's wrong with the world when

374. TV doesn't make you feel better.

375. - Hey, Al, just thought I'd check up on ya.

376. You feeling OK?

377. - Oh, yeah, great.

378. I'm walking on stinking rose petals.

379. - You know, Al—

380. - Yeah, I know Al, he's this guy you can't even throw a party

381. without bumming out his friends and chasing them all away.

382. - The problem is with your ears, Al.

383. Need to learn how to listen.

384. - I do.

385. - We all have feelings we need to share, Al.

386. When one person shares and the other person listens,

387. those two people get to be better friends.

388. - You know, that's just so darn sappy it's gotta be true.

389. - I think there are some people here who would like to see you.

390. - My friends, you've all come back.

391. You've all come back to share your feelings.

392. - Al, we've been trying to all day.

393. Now, where's that pie?

394. - Hey, everybody, I'm really glad you all came back,

395. and I promise to listen from now on.

396. And as long as we're all caring and sharing and opening

397. up and all that, right now, I'd like

398. to share some of my favorite holiday memories.

399. And I have them captured right here in this home movie.

400. Now, what did we just learn about listening?

401. - I really have to go home and water the, uh, Astro Turf.

402. - Later.

403. Now, watch and listen.

404. I like to call this one Holidays.

405. Oh, there's my crazy Uncle Jonathon.

406. And hey, that's me.

407. What a cute kid, huh?

408. Even at that age, the camera loved me.

409. Uncle Jonathon was great.

410. We always had Thanksgiving dinner at his house.

411. Ew, it's a dead bird.

412. Uncle Jonathan always carved the Thanksgiving turkey.

413. It's kind of a family tradition.

414. Ow, oh no.

415. He cut off his thumb.

416. That Uncle Jonathan, what a kidder.

417. Of course, before we eat, we always

418. take a moment to have a little food fight.

419. Oh, man, I was hot that day.

420. Look at me go.

421. Oh, what's this?

422. It's the 4th of July.

423. I love fireworks.

424. This year, my dad gave me my very own sparkler.

425. But he got kind of mad when I accidentally

426. burned down the neighborhood.

427. Kids don't ever play with fire.

428. It's very— Oh, look, now, it's Halloween.

429. My friends and I are just getting back from trick

430. or treating. That was fun.

431. That was fun. Look at this.

432. Same thing every year.

433. My friends get all this candy, and I'd

434. get a big sack of broccoli.

435. Broccoli's really good for you, but I guess at the time,

436. I didn't really appreciate it.

437. Oh, and there's Uncle Jonathon again.

438. He would always put on a great magic show for us.

439. There's the bunny.

440. There's the bunny.

441. He'd always tricked the other kids

442. into leaving the room, then— Ah!

443. Oh man, I couldn't sleep for three weeks after that.

444. Hey, my film's burning up. No.

445. - Thank goodness that's over.

446. Hey, I'm sorry I was pinching you so much.

447. - Ah, I'm sorry that I have such a low tolerance for pain.

448. - There are 50 people in the band,

449. but we only had 14 accordions—

450. - Mrs. Fesenmeyer, who are you talking to?

451. - I'm talking to the guy that is boarded up in the wall.

452. He's a really good listener.

453. - Hey, hey, guy boarded up in the wall,

454. what holiday are you celebrating back there?

455. - Hanukkah.

456. - Oh, well, Feliz Navidad.

457. - Oh, fascinating.

458. - Hey, Al, look.

459. I'm red, white, and blue.

460. - I noticed.

461. That's a new look for you.

462. - Once I listened to how important Independence Day was

463. to Uncle Ralphie, I swept up the man at the costume shop

464. and he whipped up this little number for my new friend.

465. - So now, we can both be 4th of July.

466. - That makes me so happy.

467. - Harvey, I decided to declare today Hamster Day.

468. You're the best.

469. What?

470. For me?

471. Happy Valentine's Day, love Harvey.

472. Oh, I didn't know you cared.

473. Oh, thanks for listening, Harv.

474. - Boy, this is turning out to be the best holiday party ever,

475. and here's the proof.

476. Mmm.

477. We'll be right back.

478. So it looks like the secret ingredients

479. for friendship are one part sharing

480. and two parts listening.

481. Bon appetite.

482. AL: Hey, stay tuned for more of The Weird Al Show.

483. And now, the spine tingling conclusion

484. of The Weird Al Show.

485. - You know, holidays can be fun if you're

486. lucky enough to have friends who listen.

487. Well, thanks for dropping by, everybody.

488. Come back next week, when—

489. - Al.

490. It's Dick Clark, what are you doing here?

491. - Well, I'm here to count down to the new year, what else?

492. - That's great, but the show's almost over.

493. - Well, how about a big count down to the closing credits?

494. - Sounds good to me.

495. - 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

496. Happy closing credits!